


Soft Focus

by DetectiveSebCas



Category: The Evil Within (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Altered Mental States, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Brain Surgery, Canon-Typical Violence, Drug Addiction, Dubious Consent, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Language, Eye Trauma (threatened), Hand Jobs, Human Experimentation, Human Trafficking, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Masturbation, Medical Examination, Medical Torture, Non-Consensual Bondage, Object Penetration, Oral Sex, Original Character Death(s), Physical Abuse, Police, Prostitution, Recovery, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2019-06-21 19:21:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 50
Words: 250,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15564720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DetectiveSebCas/pseuds/DetectiveSebCas
Summary: It’s August 2014, and Sebastian is barely holding his life together.  His wife is gone, his daughter is dead, and he’s been removed from KCPD’s Homicide division.  An opportunity presents itself in the form of sex worker-turned-informant Stefano Valentini- an opportunity to solve the biggest case in Krimson City’s history and learn the truth about what happened to Sebastian’s family.  But the roots of this case run deeper than Sebastian could ever have imagined, and when KCPD backs out, Stefano may be the only one he can trust.[A retelling of TEW1 with some significant departures from canon.  Drug use, sex work, and human trafficking are major themes.  Non-con/dub-con warnings due to sexual acts that occur in the context of drugged sex and human trafficking.  Chapters 1-17 are more of a police/drama, transitioning into action/adventure/horror in Chapters 18-35 and romance/recovery in 36-50.]





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cover art by [Noctambularis](http://noctambularis.tumblr.com/).

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is so fucking humid out that Sebastian’s clothes are starting to stick to him.  He has been sitting in his idling car at a corner in one of the shittier parts of Krimson City’s business district for almost an hour.

 

A couple of drunken  college students stagger out of a bar ahead of him, talking too loudly, laughing too loudly, until one of them doubles over and vomits into the gutter.  They don’t interest Sebastian, and neither do the other patrons of the bar, the broken-down old men who shuffle in through the doors but never seem to shuffle back out, the businessmen who are discussing how much trouble they are going to be in with their wives even as they decide to have just one more drink.

 

Sebastian is on the lookout for a very specific type of person tonight.  He shifts in his seat, trying to unstick himself from his dress shirt and slacks, then reaches up to loosen his tie a little, seeking some relief from the choking heat.  He glances in his rearview mirror and confirms that the dark blue Crown Victoria is still parked at the corner of the next street back.

 

When Sebastian looks forward again, a man halfway down the block catches his attention.  He is older than the college crowd, maybe around thirty, and his clothes are expensive but worn.  His dark hair is swept gracefully over one side of his face, which is narrow and angular.  He is inexplicably wearing a blazer in this heat, but the top few buttons of his dress shirt are undone, baring his pale throat and part of his chest, almost as if he is advertising something.  Perfect.

 

He is heading Sebastian’s way, and Sebastian rests one hand on the steering wheel and his other elbow on the edge of the open driver’s side window.  He tries to act casual, to look like he’s done this before, even though his heart is beating faster as the man approaches.

 

The man’s stride is purposeful as he comes down the sidewalk, only slowing as he nears Sebastian’s car.  “Is there something I can do for you?” he asks, raising the eyebrow that isn’t concealed by his hair.  Sebastian can’t quite place his accent but guesses that he is European, or at least wants to appear European.

 

“You give head?” Sebastian asks.

 

“My, you are very direct,” the man says, but he doesn’t miss a beat, circling to the passenger side of Sebastian’s car and getting in.

 

“Turn left,” the man says.  “I know a place.”

 

Sebastian pulls away from the curb, glancing in the rearview mirror to see the Crown Victoria pull out into the street behind him.  He turns left at the intersection.

 

“How much?” Sebastian asks.

 

“You’re not with the police, are you?” the man asks, then adds, “Turn left again.”  His hands are constantly in motion, clasping and unclasping, toying with the material of his pants, picking at his fingernails.  Sebastian turns left onto a street lined by industrial warehouses.

 

“Do I look like a fucking cop?”  Sebastian shoots back, making a sweeping gesture that encompasses his unshaven face, rumpled dress shirt, and loosened tie.  “How much?”

 

The man seems to take everything in before he replies, “Fifty.”

 

“Are you fucking serious?” Sebastian splutters, almost hitting the brakes right there, because fifty bucks for a blow job is steep for Krimson City.

 

The man’s face is impassive.  “I’m worth it.  Or you can just let me out here.”

 

“Fine, fifty it is,” Sebastian grumbles, reaching for his wallet.  He takes out fifty dollars and hands it to the man.  “But you’d better be good.”

 

“I am good at many things,” the man replies, tucking the money into his pocket before going back to his fidgeting.  “Are you certain that fellatio is all you are interested in?”

 

Sebastian almost hits the brakes again at the word ‘fellatio’, because that is something you don’t hear every day, and certainly not in this part of town at this time of night.

 

“There,” the man says suddenly, pointing to a dark alleyway between two buildings.  Sebastian approaches it slowly, because he is definitely not going in there.

 

“What other…services do you offer?” Sebastian asks, trying to keep the man from noticing that they have slowed down considerably.

 

“One hundred for intercourse.  If there is something in particular that you want, name it and I will give you a price,” the man replies.

 

“Well,” Sebastian says, stopping his car at the mouth of the dark alley, “sounds like you might have just what I need.”

 

The man tilts his head, squinting slightly at Sebastian through his visible eye, and Sebastian can’t really blame him, because this is one of those situations where the code phrase doesn’t sound particularly natural in the conversation.

 

It doesn’t matter though, because within seconds, the Crown Victoria is screeching to a halt behind them, and the arrest team is moving in, guns drawn.  The man whirls around, looks at the arrest team and looks back at Sebastian.  The look in his eye is something very close to betrayal.

                                                                          

“Easy,” Sebastian says.  “Hands on the dash.”  It has been his experience that when people are scared and strung out on cocaine, as this man seems to be, a calmer approach is more effective at preventing erratic behavior.  The arrest team unfortunately does not seem to subscribe to this theory, because they are right outside the car now and making a god-awful racket.

 

At least the man complies with his command, though his hands are shaking as he puts them on the dashboard.  In fact, his whole body is shaking, and Sebastian feels a twinge of sympathy, because he is sure that this man didn’t want this life.  No one wants this life.

 

“Don’t move!  Hands where we can see them!” bellows Garrett.  He’s in uniform, though his broad shoulders and crew cut make him look like a cop no matter what he’s wearing, and he is taking his role as point man for the arrest team very seriously.  He yanks the passenger door open, keeping his gun trained on the man the whole time.  “Now step out of the car slowly!  Keep your hands up!”

 

The man steps out of the car, still graceful despite his trembling and the fact that he is holding his hands somewhat awkwardly in the air in front of him.  Garrett holsters his gun, though the three patrol officers around him keep their weapons out, and takes the man’s hands, securing them in cuffs behind his back.  Sebastian can feel the tension leave the air as the patrol officers put their guns away, and he opens the driver’s side door and steps out.

 

“This is the last one for me tonight,” he says to Garrett over the roof of the car.  “I’m off at two hundred.”

 

“Sure,” Garrett answers.  “Who’s our new john?”

 

“I think Lorton’s up next,” Sebastian answers.  “Hold on.”  He gets out his cell phone.  This traffic isn’t worth tying up a patrol frequency.

 

He locates Detective Michael Lorton’s contact information and types out a text message.

 

_You still on the sting tonight?_

He glances over at Garrett, who has taken the man they’ve just arrested by the elbow and is leading him toward an unmarked patrol car.  “Hold up Garrett,” Sebastian calls after him.  “Don’t search him yet.”

 

Sebastian is already two steps ahead.  If Garrett is going to put the man in a patrol car, he’s going to have to conduct at least a preliminary search of his person, and if he does that, Sebastian is willing to bet he’s going to find narcotics.  Better to have less people handling those narcotics, especially when one of those people is a hot-headed young patrol officer who is eager to prove himself by any means necessary.  Garrett turns to look at him.

 

“I’ll take care of him,” Sebastian says.  “I have to go back to the precinct anyway.  I’ll just have Lorton bring my car around.”

 

“Suit yourself,” Garrett replies with a shrug.  He starts to walk back toward Sebastian, taking their new prisoner with him.  Sebastian’s phone buzzes, and he looks at it to see a message from Lorton.

 

_Yeah, I’m in the library parking lot with the surveillance team.  Where are you guys?_

Sebastian texts back, _Near the corner of 8 th and Shaw.  Can you bring my car over here?_

Garrett waits until Sebastian places a hand on the prisoner’s elbow before walking away to regroup with the arrest team.

 

Sebastian turns to the prisoner.  He tucks his phone back into his pocket and reaches into his other pocket to turn off the hidden microphone that broadcasts his voice to the arrest team.  “I’m Detective Castellanos.  Did those guys give you your Miranda rights?”

 

“I know my rights,” the prisoner says.  Sebastian can detect a faint tremor in his body, but his voice is calm, dispassionate.  His response doesn’t really answer Sebastian’s question, and Sebastian decides to err on the side of caution.

 

“Well, I have to give them to you again,” Sebastian says, before launching into the usual spiel.  He doesn’t even need the pre-printed card anymore, which is a good thing, because it’s probably in his glovebox or something.

 

“You have the right to remain silent.  Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.  You have the right to an attorney.  If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you.”  He pauses for a moment to give them some time to sink in.  “Do you understand these rights?”

 

“Yes,” the prisoner says, letting his head tip back in what Sebastian interprets as exasperation.  His hair falls back from his face, and Sebastian catches a glimpse of a heavily scarred area around his right eye before he shakes his hair back into place.

 

“Whoa,” Sebastian says reflexively, because it’s a bit shocking to see such a vicious looking scar on the face of a man who is otherwise so put-together.  “What happened-” He catches himself.  This isn’t the time for questions, at least not that kind of question.

 

There is an eruption of noise behind him, and he turns to see Garrett and another rookie patrol officer whose name he doesn’t know talking animatedly.  From the looks of it, they are in the middle of a very raunchy story.

 

“This way,” Sebastian says, taking the prisoner by the arm and guiding him down the street in the opposite direction.  They are still well within sight of the arrest team, but at least it’s a little quieter.  “Sit down,” he says, pointing to a low concrete wall- more of a construction barrier, really- that borders the deserted street.

 

The prisoner sits down on the barrier, and Sebastian stands across from him, still within arm’s reach in case he decides to do something stupid, like run.  Even when he is sitting down, he is moving, one leg bouncing as he looks from side to side.  Suddenly, he stops and turns back to Sebastian.

 

“You know, I meant what I said about being worth it.”  He has composed himself again, and his voice has a ring of pride to it.

 

This isn’t the first time someone has tried to buy or negotiate or fuck their way out of an arrest warrant, and Sebastian responds, “That’s not going to work on me.”

 

“Because you’re straight?” the prisoner asks.

 

“Because I’m a decent human being,” Sebastian replies; then, after a pause, “And I’m straight.”

 

The prisoner shrugs and goes back to fidgeting.  Sebastian can only hope that Lorton gets here soon, because it’s been a long night.  He’s been playing the john in their prostitution sting operation for almost eight hours, and they’ve already made arrests on four female prostitutes, plus the man in front of him.  Two of the women are repeat offenders though, and if the behavior of this man is anything to go by, it’s not his first time being arrested either.

 

Sebastian has only been on the Vice and Narcotics Squad for a year, but he’s starting to wonder whether these operations are doing any good.  They just keep arresting the same people over and over again, and all it seems to accomplish is getting them off the street for a short time.  Although, considering how dangerous the streets of Krimson are becoming for prostitutes and addicts, it may be for their own good.

 

He is still deep in thought when Lorton pulls up in Sebastian’s unmarked car.  Sebastian flags him down, and Lorton drives up next to the concrete barrier, shuts the engine off, and gets out of the car.

 

“Thanks, Lorton,” Sebastian says as Lorton throws him the car keys.

 

Lorton is young, recently promoted to detective and assigned to the Vice Squad, and he’s not a bad kid.  He has plenty of enthusiasm for the job but still has a lot to learn, as he demonstrates immediately when he sees the prisoner.

 

“You got hit on by a dude?  Gross,” he says, making a disgusted face.

 

“Lorton.”  Sebastian injects a note of warning into his voice.

 

“Okay, sorry,” Lorton says quickly, holding his hands up in mock surrender.

 

“Keep it professional,” Sebastian admonishes.  “Sting car’s over there.”  He jerks his thumb toward the car he drove over here.  “Just take it back to the library lot, and they’ll get you set up.”

 

“Got it,” Lorton says, taking off toward the sting car at a jog.  Sebastian considers telling him that there is no need to run, but realizes that the kid is about to spend several long, boring hours getting propositioned and grabbed by prostitutes, so maybe he needs to work off some of his excess energy.

 

Sebastian turns back to the prisoner, who is still fidgeting.  “Do you have ID on you?”

 

The prisoner shakes his head.  Of course it’s not going to be that easy.  Sebastian goes to Plan B.

 

“What’s your name?”

 

“Stefano Valentini.”

 

Sebastian fights the urge to roll his eyes, because ‘Stefano Valentini’ is one of the more ridiculous street names he’s heard.  It’s common for sex workers to adopt a false name, and many of them choose names that sound classy, but this one is over the top.

 

“Okay, we’ll just see about that.  Stay right there,” Sebastian instructs.  Keeping his eyes on ‘Stefano Valentini’ the whole time, he circles the concrete barrier and approaches his vehicle.  He opens the passenger side door and grabs his radio, walking back to ‘Stefano’ as he calls in the request.

 

“Dispatch, this is Castellanos.”

 

“This is dispatch.  Go with your traffic.”  The voice on the other end of the line sounds like its owner has also been up all night.

 

“Can you run a social for me?” Sebastian asks.

 

“No problem,” the dispatcher answers.

 

Sebastian turns to ‘Stefano’.  “What’s your social?”

 

‘Stefano’ rattles off his social security number at such a high rate of speed that Sebastian has to ask him to repeat it twice before he can relay it to dispatch.  Sebastian waits for an answer while ‘Stefano’ rolls his shoulders and wiggles his fingers behind his back.  Sebastian is starting to wonder if Garrett cuffed him too tightly.

 

His radio crackles to life.  “Comes back to a Stefano Valentini.  DOB: 12/22/1985.  Male, five-foot-ten, one hundred forty-five pounds, black hair, blue eyes.”

 

“That’s him,” Sebastian replies, because that clearly describes the man in front of him, and damned if his name isn’t actually Stefano fucking Valentini.

 

“Need anything else?” the dispatcher asks.

 

“No thanks.  Have a good night,” Sebastian says before tossing the radio into the open passenger side door of his car.  Stefano is staring him down with a frustratingly smug look on his face, but Sebastian ignores him.  He doesn’t let his emotions get the better of him when he’s dealing with suspects- not anymore.

 

“Alright Mr. Valentini,” Sebastian says, reaching out to take him by the elbow again.  “I need you to come around to the hood of my car.”

 

Stefano gets to his feet and obediently follows Sebastian around the concrete barrier and up to the hood of his car.

 

“Do you have anything on you that could hurt me?” Sebastian asks.  “Any weapons or needles?”

 

Stefano is quiet for a moment before he says, “I have a knife.”

 

“And where is the knife?” Sebastian asks.  It’s not unusual for someone in this line of work to carry a taser or small knife for self-defense, especially these days.

 

“In the left inner pocket of my jacket,” Stefano replies, staring straight ahead of him.

 

“Don’t move,” Sebastian cautions as he takes hold of Stefano’s cuffed hands in one of his and reaches around Stefano’s body with the other to unbutton his jacket.  He manages to do it one-handed and then slips his hand inside the jacket, where he encounters the handle of the knife, grasps it, and draws it out.

 

“Holy shit.”  The words are out of his mouth before he can stop himself, because this is not the kind of knife he was expecting.  It is every bit of ten inches long and intricately designed.  “You weren’t kidding.”

 

Stefano gives no indication that he’s heard him, and, after staring at the knife in disbelief for a few seconds, Sebastian reaches around the open door to set the knife on the passenger seat next to his radio.

 

“Anything else on you that you shouldn’t have?” he asks.  Stefano stares straight ahead and says nothing.

 

Sebastian sighs and tries again.  “Before I can put you in my car, I need to pat you down and search your pockets.  Am I going to find anything else?”

 

Stefano continues to stare straight ahead in silence, and Sebastian is willing to bet that he is going to find something else, but clearly Stefano isn’t going to give him any help in that regard.

 

“Hold still,” Sebastian directs.  “I’m going to pat down your upper body and search your jacket pockets.”

 

He starts at Stefano’s shoulders and pats down his arms and torso, then checks the remaining pockets of his jacket.  His right inner jacket pocket holds a cell phone and five hundred dollars of currency plus the fifty dollars of marked police money he got from Sebastian.  Apparently he was having a pretty successful night.

 

Sebastian sets the phone and money on the passenger seat as well.  He turns back to Stefano.

 

“Going to search your waistband and pants pockets now,” he says, as he slips his fingers into Stefano’s waistband, making a complete circle of his body before moving on to his pants pockets.  He knows he’s getting close, because Stefano is rigid under his hands, and as he passes his hand over the front right pocket, he feels a telltale bulge.

 

Stefano lets all of the air out of his lungs in a rush as Sebastian slides his hand into his pocket and retrieves exactly what he knew he would find, a tied-off plastic baggie containing a white, powdery substance.

 

“Is this what I think it is?” Sebastian asks, holding the baggie up in front of Stefano’s face.  Stefano makes no move, no attempt to respond.  Sebastian might as well be talking to a statue.  It doesn’t matter though, because he’ll field test the powder as soon as he’s back at the precinct, and it’ll be positive for cocaine.  He is certain of that.

 

He finishes up the search, finding nothing else of note.  It’s really only a preliminary procedure to make sure that he can safely transport Stefano anyway.  The deputies at the jail will perform a much more thorough search.

 

As he closes the passenger door, he catches a movement out of the corner of his eye and turns to see Stefano rolling his shoulders again.  He reaches for Stefano’s hands, holding them just long enough to determine that they are cool to the touch.  Garrett definitely cuffed him too tight.

 

“Are you going to behave yourself if I switch your cuffs to the front?” Sebastian asks.  He doesn’t do this for everyone, but he needs to adjust them anyway, and Stefano was courteous enough to tell him about the knife so that Sebastian didn’t cut his hand when he tried to search him.

 

Stefano nods, and Sebastian undoes the cuffs, lets Stefano make a few circles with his arms to get the blood flowing again, and re-cuffs him with his hands in front this time.

 

“Alright, let’s go,” Sebastian says, taking Stefano by the upper arm and leading him to the rear door of the car, which he opens.  Even though it’s an unmarked vehicle, the back is secure for prisoner transportation, and he waits for Stefano to slide onto the bench seat before he shuts the door and gets in the driver’s seat.  He starts the engine and turns on the air-conditioning, because he is done with this heat.

 

Sebastian starts to type up his preliminary notes on the laptop mounted on his center console.  Stefano is silent, though after a few minutes he goes back to fidgeting, twisting his hands over and over each other in front of him and picking at a seam on his pants.  When he transitions to drumming his fingers on the barrier that separates the front seat from the back, Sebastian has had enough.

 

“Can you knock that off?  It’s really fucking annoying.”

 

To his credit, Stefano does stop, dropping his gaze to the floor and sitting in sullen silence while Sebastian finishes his notes.  It’s clear to Sebastian now that Stefano has been arrested before, probably for crimes similar to the ones he’s committed tonight.  He knows the drill.  He isn’t complaining that Sebastian lied to him, or throwing around words like ‘entrapment’, or trying to talk his way out of this.  Apparently the offer he made Sebastian out on the sidewalk was his last ditch attempt.

 

Sebastian closes the laptop, shifts into drive, and turns the car around.  He waves to the arrest team, which seems to be regrouping for the next run, and heads back to the precinct.  Stefano is silent the whole way there, eye still trained on the floor.

 

 

 

 

Back at Krimson City’s First Precinct, Sebastian walks Stefano to a secure interview room, removes his handcuffs, and leaves him there for a few minutes while he returns to the car to collect the evidence.  The field test on the white powder is positive for cocaine, which is no surprise, but it also means that Stefano is now facing a felony charge, and the stakes are considerably higher.

 

Sebastian swings open the door to the interview room, and Stefano startles into a sitting position from where he’s apparently been resting his head on the table.  Here, under the harsh fluorescent lights, he is very pale and the dark circle under his eye is pronounced.

 

Sebastian sits down across the table from him and starts in with the usual information.  “As you have probably figured out, you are under arrest-”

 

“For what?” Stefano interrupts him.

 

“Prostitution, carrying a concealed weapon, and possession of cocaine,” Sebastian shoots back.  Stefano’s expression doesn’t change, but he does seem to go a shade paler than he was before.  “I’ve already gone over your rights with you.  Do you want to waive those rights and make a statement?”

 

“No,” Stefano replies.  “I want an attorney.”

 

“Okay then,” Sebastian says, getting up from the table, because those are the magic words that make the questioning stop.  Stefano has definitely done this before.

 

After that it’s all paperwork.  He takes Stefano down to the magistrate, swears out his warrants and drops him off with the deputies to be booked into the jail.  Sebastian warns them that Stefano will probably need to detox so that they can at least put him in the medical block.  Then it’s back to his desk at the precinct to document and voucher the evidence and put the cocaine in the mail run to go to the state lab for official testing.

 

When Sebastian comes back from the evidence room, he finds Joseph Oda already sitting at his desk.  He and Joseph work opposite shifts but share a desk, so in a weird way they’re kind of like roommates.  Joseph is holding the phone in one hand, and the other is pinching the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger, which Sebastian knows is not a good sign.

 

“I don’t know either,” Joseph is saying.  “I mean, of course she was still using, but I didn’t think-”.  He pauses, nodding a few times as several seconds go by.  “Thank you,” he says finally before hanging up the phone.  He swivels to face Sebastian, interlaces his fingers behind his head, and leans back in his chair.

 

“Sandra Paxton’s dead,” he says.  His tone is matter of fact, but his expression is strained.  “Looks like an overdose.  Some homeless guy found her body under a bridge out by the power plant.”

 

“Holy shit,” Sebastian breathes.  “Isn’t she the third one this month?”

 

“At least,” Joseph replies.

 

“Do you think someone found out she was a snitch?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Seb, you know how much I hate that word,” Joseph says.  “And I don’t know.  She helped me set up a couple of buys from a low-level dealer.  Nothing that would have led to this.”

 

“Unless she attracted the attention of someone who wasn’t so low-level,” Sebastian muses.  Then he asks, “Is the tox screen back?  Are you sure it was an overdose?”

 

“Slow down,” Joseph says, tilting his chair upright again and crossing one leg over the other.  “I’m not investigating her death, because I’m not a homicide detective anymore.”  He looks pointedly at Sebastian.  “And neither are you.  Kidman just called me as a courtesy to let me know that Sandra won’t be working with me anymore.”

 

“Right, how courteous of her,” Sebastian replies, not even trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice.  He doesn’t have to with Joseph, because Joseph of all people understands how ridiculous it is that the rookie detective they were assigned to train two years ago has lasted longer in Homicide than either one of them.

 

Of course, Kidman also never got caught on videotape beating the shit out of a suspect in an interview room, never mind that the guy had murdered his three-year-old daughter for fuck’s sake.  Sebastian is willing to admit that he loses control on occasion, and that he might have been particularly short-tempered at the time of  ‘the incident’, as he and Joseph now call it, but god damn it that asshole deserved exactly what he got.  Unfortunately his sergeant didn’t see it that way, and Sebastian was reassigned to a position where he could be ‘less emotional.’

 

Sebastian still doesn’t fully understand why Joseph was transferred from Homicide with him.  Joseph was present during ‘the incident’ of course, and in fact Joseph was the only thing that kept Sebastian from actually killing that worthless piece of shit.  Sebastian doesn’t know what happened behind closed doors at Joseph’s disciplinary hearing, but he does know that an hour later, Joseph was right there with him clearing out his desk in the Homicide section and that later that evening was the only time Joseph ever accepted his invitation to come out for a beer. 

 

Homicide detective or not, this has been a frustrating string of cases, and Sebastian can’t let it go just yet.  “It’s gonna be like the others though.”  He shakes his head as he sits down on the edge of the desk.  “The report will come back ‘cause of death undetermined; suspected drug overdose; no sign of foul play,’ and then even Kidman won’t be able to do anything about it.”

 

“Well if there’s no sign of foul play, then what would Homicide do about it anyway?” Joseph asks.

 

“Come on Joseph,” Sebastian groans.  “You know as well as I do that these people aren’t overdosing by themselves-”

 

Joseph opens his mouth to speak, but Sebastian cuts him off.  “-Okay, some of them are overdosing by themselves, but not all of them.”

 

“I agree,” Joseph says.  “That’s sort of the point of working with the informants.  We go up the chain until we reach whoever is selling to the people who are dying.”

 

“But we’re not getting there fast enough,” Sebastian retorts.  “The snitches-”.  Joseph glares at him, but he presses on.  “-keep turning up dead before we can make any progress.  There’s something else going on here.  Maybe a new drug, maybe some other factor- I don’t know, but Homicide’s not getting the job done.”

 

“Probably because they’re busy with murders that can actually be solved,” Joseph answers.  Sebastian starts to speak again, but Joseph holds up a hand, silencing him.  “Look, Seb, I can ask for the tox report on Sandra, but I seriously doubt anything would still be in her system at this point.  Go home and get some sleep.  Your shift ended half an hour ago.”

 

“Fine, I will,” Sebastian says, pushing off of the desk and onto his feet.  He knows Joseph is right, but that doesn’t make it any easier to walk away from an unsolved case.  “Stay safe.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“Goodnight, Seb,” Joseph says with a smile before turning back to his computer.

 

Sebastian heads for the door, but calls over his shoulder, “Oh by the way, I think I left some important files for you in that desk somewhere.  You should probably take a look.”  He is out the door before Joseph can realize that what he actually left in the top drawer of the desk is a bag of Joseph’s favorite candy, and he is halfway across the parking lot when his phone buzzes with Joseph’s text message.

 

_Thanks Seb._

Sebastian types back, _No problem._  

 

He considers driving his department-issued car home, but opts to take his personal vehicle instead, because even at almost three in the morning, it’s about ninety degrees out and his jeep with the top down sounds much better than a stuffy patrol car.  He climbs in, starts the engine, and pulls out of the parking lot.  He doesn’t particularly want to go home, but there’s nowhere else for him to go.

 

It takes him less than twenty minutes to reach the small house in the suburbs.  The grass is getting a little too long, and the bushes are starting to encroach on the front windows, but Sebastian can’t be bothered with that right now.  Myra was the one who liked to work in the yard, and Myra isn’t here.

 

He parks in the driveway and goes to the front door so he doesn’t have to see Myra’s car in the garage.  He unlocks the door and pauses for a moment, hand on the knob, because even after two and half years, even at a different house, he can smell smoke.  He can feel a heat emanating from the house that has nothing to do with the summer night, but at least he’s not hearing the screams.  He waits, sucking in a huge lungful of clean air, and opens the door to find the house exactly as he left it- empty.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cover art by [Noctambularis](http://noctambularis.tumblr.com/).


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Kate Mellor,” Bartlett says. “He said her name was Kate Mellor.”
> 
> That brings Sebastian up short, because he knows exactly who Bartlett is talking about, remembers the college student and aspiring engineer who slipped into the world of drugs and prostitution, never to re-emerge. He doesn’t have to be a homicide detective to know that this case is still unsolved. If Stefano knows something about it, then maybe he is worth an interview after all.

 

 

Sebastian has all but forgotten Stefano Valentini until the following week, when his phone rings.

 

“Castellanos,” he says, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his eyes.  He’s still a little hung over from last night- not that he would ever admit it to anyone-, and the fluorescent lights in the precinct are starting to get to him.

 

“Detective Castellanos, this is Chad Bartlett.  I’m calling you on behalf of my client, Stefano Valentini.”  Sebastian sighs.  Bartlett is one of Krimson’s public defenders, and Sebastian is pretty sure he has overheard one of the other Vice Squad detectives calling him a ‘soup-sandwich,’ so he doesn’t have high hopes for this conversation.

 

“What can I do for you?” he asks, trying and failing to keep the irritation out of his voice.

 

“I think you might want to pull Mr. Valentini out for an interview.  He says he has information on an unsolved murder case- something about a dead prostitute.”

 

“He’s going to have to be more specific,” Sebastian replies.  “We’ve got a lot of dead or missing prostitutes around here.”

 

“Kate Mellor,” Bartlett says.  “He said her name was Kate Mellor.”

 

That brings Sebastian up short, because he knows exactly who Bartlett is talking about, remembers the college student and aspiring engineer who slipped into the world of drugs and prostitution, never to re-emerge.  He doesn’t have to be a homicide detective to know that this case is still unsolved.  If Stefano knows something about it, then maybe he is worth an interview after all.

 

“Okay,” Sebastian sighs, “I’ll talk to him.  When do you want to do this?”

 

“This afternoon?” Bartlett suggests.  Sebastian raises an eyebrow.  If Bartlett wants to move this quickly, he must really think Stefano knows something that will make a big difference in his case or at least get him out of jail on bond.

 

“Sure,” Sebastian replies.  “I’ll go get him and meet you at the First Precinct in an hour.”  He hangs up the phone and rubs at his eyes again.  At least a trip to the jail will get him out from under these lights for a few minutes.

 

 

 

 

Sebastian picks Stefano up at the jail in his department-issued car and transports him to the precinct.  It is possible to interview someone at the jail of course, but privacy is hard to come by, and if Stefano is going to be telling him anything of value, Sebastian is willing to bet that he’s not going to say it in front of any other inmates.  KCPD, especially the Vice and Narcotics Squad, relies heavily on snitches- or ‘informants’ as Joseph prefers to call them-, but for obvious reasons, such people are not treated well by the general jail population.

 

Stefano somehow manages to look no less elegant than the last time Sebastian saw him.  Even though he is wearing a jail jumpsuit and a full set of shackles, the way he moves is not the languid shuffle of a typical prisoner, and the way he carries himself is still dignified, almost graceful.  He slips into the backseat of Sebastian’s car, and the deputy closes the door behind him.  Sebastian pulls the car out of the sally port and heads for the precinct, taking a glance in the rearview mirror at Stefano.

 

Stefano is gazing out the window, watching Krimson City flash by.  He is still pale, still much too thin, maybe even thinner than the last time Sebastian saw him, which is slightly alarming, because generally drug addicts gain some weight while in jail.  Sebastian doesn’t speak, because after all, Stefano’s attorney isn’t here at the moment, and they make the drive to the First Precinct in silence.

 

Sebastian is just removing Stefano’s shackles and getting him settled into an interview room when Bartlett arrives.  Bartlett bustles into the room, sets down his briefcase, pushes his mop of dark, curly hair out his eyes, and shakes Sebastian’s hand before asking, “Can I have a few minutes to talk to him alone before we get started?”

 

“Sure,” Sebastian replies.  He turns to Stefano.  “Did you miss lunch?  We can order some food.”

 

Stefano glances at Bartlett before he nods to Sebastian, apparently afraid to open his mouth without Bartlett’s permission.  Sebastian turns back to Bartlett.  “I’ll get on that,” he says.  “Just let me know when you’re ready.”

 

Sebastian exits the interview room, cuts off the cameras because of some kind of attorney-client thing, and goes to call in an order to a nearby sandwich shop.  Food that doesn’t come from the jail kitchen is one of the perks of helping out an investigation, and Stefano looks like he could use a good meal.

 

Next, Sebastian gathers up Stefano’s case file along with the folder of booking photos he assembled before he picked up Stefano.  It includes most of the major players in Krimson’s drug and sex trade as well as the known missing persons and victims of unsolved homicides.  Then he waits outside the interview room while Bartlett finishes prepping Stefano.

 

Sebastian has done enough of these interviews to know that there are really only three ways it can go.  Either Stefano knows nothing of value and is going to try to bluff his way through this for a reduced sentence, or he does know something of value but is going to require some serious convincing to share it, or he knows something of value and is actually going to be up-front about it.  Sebastian knows that option A or B is much more likely, but option C would certainly make his life easier.

 

Bartlett opens the door and beckons Sebastian in, and Sebastian switches the cameras back on before he enters.  Stefano is looking quite a bit more relaxed, sitting with one leg crossed over the other and resting his elbow on the table.  “Good afternoon, Detective Castellanos,” he says.

 

“Mr. Valentini,” Sebastian replies, extending a hand to shake Stefano’s.  Almost twenty years as a cop has taught him that being polite and respectful goes a long way when he needs information from someone.  There are other ways to get people to talk of course, but if Stefano is going to be civil with him then the least Sebastian can do is meet him halfway.

 

Stefano has a surprisingly firm handshake for someone with such delicate-looking hands.  His hand is also steadier than the last time they met, though his skin is cool to the touch.  Sebastian takes a seat across the table from him as Bartlett moves his chair to sit next to Stefano.

 

“I’m sure your attorney explained how everything works here,” Sebastian begins, hoping to put Stefano at ease.  “I believe you have some information that may be helpful to one of our investigations, and if you are willing to talk to me about that, it could affect the outcome of your own case.  I can’t make any promises,” he adds quickly, “but I’ll inform the prosecuting attorney of your cooperation.”

 

“What about a contract bond?” Bartlett asks, adjusting his glasses.  “My client’s priority is getting out of jail.  They just moved him from medical to D-Block, and I don’t think I have to tell you what that’s like.”

 

Bartlett doesn’t have to tell him.  D-Block is a zoo, one of the parts of the jail where fifty or sixty inmates are housed together, and even with the cameras and the guards, things can get out of control very quickly.  It’s not the place for someone like Stefano.  Come to think of it, that would also explain how Stefano is still losing weight after a week of regular meals and detoxing.

 

“The DA has to sign off on a bond,” Sebastian replies, glancing down at Stefano’s folder to see the assigned prosecutor, “and she’s definitely going to want to know what exactly Mr. Valentini is going to do for us before she approves it.”  That is an understatement.  Rebecca Hollister, the district attorney assigned to Stefano’s case, is tough as nails.  She and Sebastian have a decent relationship, but he’s going to have to find a way to spin this to get her to go along with it.  Of course, the threshold issue is whether Stefano knows anything useful.

 

“So I need to know what you know and what you’re willing to do,” Sebastian continues, “and then we can see about getting you out.”

 

Stefano nods.  “Where would you like me to start?”

 

“You said something about Kate Mellor?” Sebastian asks, trying to phrase the question in a way that doesn’t provide Stefano with any additional information.  It is always the best practice to find out what a potential witness knows before giving them anything they can use to fabricate a story.

 

“Yes,” Stefano says eagerly.  “I worked with her.  Or…we had the same employer for a time.”

 

“And who was that?” Sebastian asks.

 

“I don’t think I should tell you his name,” Stefano says, glancing sideways at Bartlett.  Bartlett holds up a finger to Sebastian, cups a hand to Stefano’s ear, and begins speaking in an agitated whisper.  Sebastian doesn’t have to be able to hear him to know he’s telling Stefano that if he wants to get out of jail, he is going to have to drop some names.  To be fair, it’s possible that Stefano is more afraid of his pimp than of the guys on D-Block.

 

Afraid isn’t even the right word for Stefano though.  Clearly someone has a hold on him, but there is more to it than simple fear.  Stefano may be an addict and a pawn in someone else’s game, but he presents as someone who is in control- maybe not entirely on his own terms, but in control nonetheless.

 

Bartlett sits back in his seat and looks expectantly at Stefano.  “Slade,” Stefano says, looking more annoyed than anything else.  “His last name is Slade.  I don’t know his first name.”

 

Sebastian nods, because he is pretty damn sure he knows exactly who Stefano is talking about.  Darius Slade is a low-level cocaine dealer who has sold to an undercover detective at least once, though Sebastian didn’t know that he was dabbling in human trafficking.  “And how long have you worked for Slade?” he asks.

 

Stefano thinks on that one for a minute.  “About three years,” he says finally, letting his shoulders slump a little.  Sebastian is taken aback.  That’s a long working relationship in the sex trade, and it would mean that Slade is doing more than dabbling.

 

“And how long was Kate working for him?” Sebastian asks.

 

Stefano thinks again.  “Probably three or four months- from the beginning of this year until her close to her death.”

 

“Was she working for Slade at the time of her death?”

 

“No,” Stefano replies.  “Well, not exactly.  Slade had loaned her out.”

 

“To who?” Sebastian asks.

 

“I am not entirely sure,” Stefano says.  “It had happened to others before her, but Slade is not very receptive to questions about that sort of thing.”  Sebastian is sure that Slade is not very receptive to any questions from the people he employs.

 

“Do you think it was a long term arrangement with a particular client?  Or a loan to another pimp?”  Sebastian suggests.

 

“I don’t know,” Stefano answers.

 

“Was there a client that she saw very often before she left?” Sebastian presses.

 

“Not that I was aware of,” Stefano says.  He pauses.  “Though this is not exactly a bordello situation.”  Sebastian can’t stop himself from smiling at the word ‘bordello’, but Stefano only shrugs and keeps talking.  “Slade does have rooms in his house for that, but we do most of our work on the streets or in motels.  I saw very few of Kate’s clients.”

 

This makes perfect sense and also explains why Slade hasn’t been busted for trafficking yet.  He’s smart enough to keep that part of the business outside his home base.

 

“And can you explain what you mean by ‘work’?” Sebastian asks.  He knows what the work is of course, but he needs to hear it from Stefano.

 

“Exchange of sexual services for money,” Stefano says with an exasperated sigh.

 

“What is Slade’s role in those activities?” Sebastian asks.  Then, when Stefano looks at him in confusion, he elaborates, “Does Slade set up your appointments?  Or set the prices?  Or regulate what acts you can perform?”

 

“For the most part,” Stefano replies.  “Though I have the impression that Kate and I and the others were more of an enhancement to his primary business.”

 

“Which is?”

 

“Cocaine,” Stefano answers directly.

 

“So you guys would…”  Sebastian fumbles with his words for a moment.  “…service the clients who came to buy cocaine?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, glancing down at the table and then back up at Sebastian.  “Whatever Slade is selling has a tendency to make people quite….amorous, so we were to make ourselves available to his guests.”

 

“You make it sound like it’s not just cocaine,” Sebastian comments.  Cocaine can make some people ‘amorous’ as Stefano puts it, but more often it leads to erratic behavior and an inability to maintain an erection.

 

“It is not just cocaine,” Stefano says, his eye fixed on Sebastian.  “I have used cocaine before, and this…this is something else.”

 

“We’ll find out soon enough,” Sebastian shrugs.  “I sent off the powder that was in your pocket when I arrested you.  The lab will-”

 

“That wasn’t from Slade’s stock,” Stefano cuts in.  “I obtained that by…performing some acts on a gentleman in an alley about a half-hour before I encountered you.”  Despite Stefano’s eloquent way of speaking, Sebastian has serious doubts that anyone who is paying for sex with cocaine is a gentleman.

 

“So, this mystery drug,” Sebastian says.  “I assume you’ve used it?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, his voice going soft and sort of husky.  “It is quite exceptional.”

 

“How are people taking it?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Snorting it, mainly,” Stefano replies.  “Though I think I saw Slade inject some once.”  This doesn’t surprise Sebastian.  Most recreational drugs can be consumed in multiple ways with relatively minor changes in effectiveness or time of onset.

 

“Any idea what else might be in there?”

 

Stefano shakes his head.  “I am not well-versed enough in other narcotics to hazard a guess.  I can only tell you that the effects are rather intense.”  Sebastian nods.  He has more questions about the effects of the mystery drug, but they can wait until he has learned more about Slade’s operation.

 

“Was Kate using that substance as well?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  “All of us were.  That is how Slade compensated us, aside from providing us room and board.”

 

“I see,” Sebastian says, raising a hand to scratch at his beard, because he thinks he is starting to understand Stefano’s loyalty to Slade over such a long period of time.  “Do you know who Slade buys from?”

 

“No,” Stefano says.  “As I told you, we have learned not to ask questions.”

 

“Do you think he’s mixing this stuff himself?  Any weird smells or anything in the house?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Not that I’ve noticed,” Stefano answers, “though there is a floor where we aren’t permitted to go.  I cannot say what might be up there.”

 

“How many of you are staying there right now?” Sebastian asks.

 

Stefano looks up at the ceiling.  “Slade and six of his men, plus ten or twelve escorts.”

 

“Holy shit,” Sebastian blurts, because this is a much larger operation than he was imagining.  “Where is this house?”

 

“Calvert Street,” Stefano replies.

 

“Oh,” Sebastian says, “the old government housing?”  Stefano nods.

 

Calvert Street is a dead artery near the heart of Krimson City.  It started out as a government housing project, but when there was no money left to maintain it, the city sold it to a developer who had started gutting the buildings to turn them into high-end homes but went bankrupt six months later.  Now the street is lined with hulking, empty buildings stuck somewhere between apartments and houses, and mostly inhabited by squatters.  And apparently it’s also the perfect place to run a drug business.

 

Sebastian is jerked out of his thoughts by a knock on the door of the interview room.  He crosses to the door and opens it to find Sergeant Nathaniel Banks, a tall black man with a full beard who has been on the Vice and Narcotics Squad almost as long as Sebastian has been at KCPD.  He also happens to be Sebastian’s direct supervisor.

 

“Did you order food?” Banks asks, holding up a paper bag.

 

“Yeah, I did,” Sebastian replies.  “Thanks.”

 

“No problem,” Banks says.  “Didn’t want to interrupt you, but Lorton was eyeballing it.”

 

There is shout of protest from the general vicinity of Lorton’s desk, and Banks laughs.  Sebastian thanks him again and shuts the door.

 

“Let’s take a break to eat,” Sebastian says.  “I’ll leave you guys alone for a few minutes.”

 

Sebastian grabs his sandwich out of the bag and leaves the interview room, closing the door behind him.  On his way back to his desk, he crosses in front of Banks’ office.

 

“How’s the interview going?” Banks calls to him.

 

Sebastian turns on his heel, going back to lean on the doorframe of the office.  “So far, so good,” he replies.  “At least one major suspect in drugs and trafficking, and he has a connection to Kate Mellor.”

 

Banks looks thoughtful for a moment before his eyebrows shoot up.  “Oh,” he says.  “One of the dead prostitutes?”  Sebastian nods.

 

“Who’s the suspect?” Banks asks.

 

“Pretty sure it’s Darius Slade,” Sebastian says, “but I still need to show him some pictures.”

 

“Didn’t think Slade was in so deep,” Banks says, “but I did think it was weird that nobody had arrested him for a while.”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian replies.  “I’ll let you know what I find out.”  He returns to his desk to eat his sandwich and print out an aerial photo of Calvert Street.  Hopefully Stefano can show him the house he’s been talking about.

 

When he goes back to the interview room, Stefano and Bartlett have finished eating, and he clears the trash away before sitting down again and getting out his folder of booking photos.

 

“Stefano, I’ve got a folder of pictures here.  Can you just flip through them and pull out any people that you know?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano says, taking the folder from Sebastian.  He opens it and turns over the first three pictures with no reaction.

 

“Kate Mellor,” he says, pulling the fourth one out and setting it on the table.  It is indeed a picture of Kate Mellor.

 

A few pictures later, Stefano frowns and pulls out another one.  “This is Riker.  He works for Slade.”  Riker, whose actual name is Norman Scott, is every bit of six-foot-six and two-hundred-ninety pounds.  Sebastian has never met him in person, but he has heard some stories about what happened to the last patrol officer who was unfortunate enough to attempt to take him into custody.

 

Stefano pulls out the next picture as well.  “Murphy.  He also works for Slade.”  Lionel Murphy is another big guy who’s been busted a couple of times for street level drug dealing even though he’s pushing forty years old.  Apparently he’s moving up in the world if he’s involved in Slade’s operation.

 

“Sandra Paxton,” Stefano says, pulling out another photo.  “She was one of Slade’s escorts before he loaned her out.”

 

“Like Kate Mellor?” Sebastian interrupts.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies mildly, “like Kate Mellor.”

 

Sebastian knows that a similarity in two cases isn’t enough to establish a pattern, but it is interesting that both Paxton and Mellor were loaned out by Slade before they turned up dead.  He makes a mental note to ask Joseph if Paxton ever talked about Slade.

 

Stefano pulls out another picture.  “Jay,” he says.  “Also works for Slade.”  Sebastian raises an eyebrow, because Jared Russell is a small, wiry kid, nothing like Riker or Murphy.  His most defining feature is a potent combination of substance abuse and untreated mental illness that makes him extremely dangerous to interact with.  He’s been in and out of hospitals and jails for most of his life, and doesn’t seem to be the type to work for anybody but himself, which makes his alliance with Slade even more puzzling.

 

Stefano turns over the next picture and freezes, eye wide and hand still in midair.  He says nothing, turns the picture back over, and goes on to the next one.  Sebastian notes his unusual behavior, but doesn’t call him out on it.   This may be something to follow up on at a later time, but right now he doesn’t want to disrupt Stefano’s rhythm.  Sebastian doesn’t immediately recall the name of the person in the picture, but she is a young woman, one of many unsolved deaths in the last few years.

 

Stefano flips through a few more pictures before he stops again.  “Slade,” he says, without further explanation, setting the photo on the table.  Darius Slade’s booking photo is a couple of years old, but Sebastian wouldn’t be surprised if he is still sporting the shaved head and neatly trimmed goatee that he favored at the time.  Slade himself isn’t particularly large, which might be why he is surrounding himself with so much muscle.

 

Stefano pulls out the next picture.  “I don’t know her given name, but she went by Crystal.  She was another escort.”  Sebastian cranes his neck to look at the picture, which is of Doreen Page, another one of the dead prostitutes.

 

“Did she work for Slade?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, “about a year or so ago.  She just disappeared.”  He flips through a few more photos before pulling out another.  “Ruby Gibson,” he says.  “Another escort, but not one of Slade’s.  I haven’t seen her in quite a while.”  No one has seen Alice Gibson in quite a while, because Alice Gibson is a missing person.

 

Stefano finishes going through the pictures without identifying anyone else.  When he sets the last picture aside, he sits back and looks at Sebastian expectantly.  Sebastian doesn’t know if Stefano is expecting praise or another task, but he does have a question for him.

 

“You said there were five or six guys who hang around Slade.  Can you tell me the names of the other ones?”

 

Stefano glances over at the pictures he has laid out on the table.  “Other than Riker, Murphy, and Jay, there’s Young and Lance and Dalton, but they are usually not all present at the same time.”

 

“Are those first or last names?” Sebastian asks.

 

“I’m afraid I don’t know,” Stefano replies.  “That is what Slade calls them.  I know them by nothing else.”

 

“Can you describe them?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Young is about your height but more muscular with blonde hair.  He…”  Stefano pauses, squinting at the table in front of him as he starts to drum his fingers on it. “…I am not a man of words, Detective Castellanos.  Do you have a pencil?”

 

“What?  Why?” Sebastian asks, because this request is coming out of nowhere, and after seeing Stefano’s weapon of choice the other night, he’s not entirely convinced that it’s a good idea to give him anything that can be used for stabbing.

 

“I can sketch him for you,” Stefano says, as though this is the obvious answer to their problem.  It catches Sebastian off-guard, because now that booking photos are so easy to obtain, KCPD hasn’t used a police sketch artist in at least a decade.

 

“We…uh…we don’t really do that anymore,” Sebastian says.  “It wasn’t really that helpful in identifying people.”

 

“I assure you that my work will be far superior to whatever you are accustomed to,” Stefano replies.  Sebastian searches his face in an attempt to determine if he is making a joke but sees only a slight smile.  More out of curiosity than anything else, he nods and leaves the room to grab a pencil from his desk.

 

He returns and hands it to Stefano, who flips over one of the booking photos and starts drawing on the back of it.  Sebastian looks at Bartlett with a raised eyebrow, but Bartlett only shrugs and shifts his chair so that he can see the page Stefano is working on.  Sebastian follows his gaze and is surprised to see that Stefano’s sketch is already taking shape.

 

Stefano works quickly, and within just a few minutes he is rotating the page to face Sebastian.  The sketch is very good and very detailed.  It’s not a face that Sebastian recognizes, but he is willing to bet that if he shows it around the precinct, someone has probably arrested this guy before.  Stefano props his elbows on the table and rests his chin on his hands, looking pleased with himself.

 

“Wow,” Sebastian says.  “Have you thought about pursuing a career in art?”  He means it as a joke, but Stefano’s face falls immediately and his gaze drops down to the table.

 

“Hey,” Sebastian says, making his voice a little softer.  “I just meant that this is really good.  You obviously have a talent for it.”

 

That seems to pacify Stefano a bit.  He gives a slight nod and flips over a new sheet of paper.  He sketches two more faces, labels all three of them, and then dutifully marks Slade’s house on the aerial photo Sebastian printed.

 

Sebastian sits back for a moment and thinks about what they’ve accomplished.  He has two promising leads in the death of Kate Mellor- Darius Slade and the mystery drug-, and even if they don’t pan out on the murder investigation, it could lead to a major drug bust.  Or at least, it could if Stefano is willing to continue helping out.

 

“So, Mr. Valentini,” he begins, “if the bond thing works out, are you willing to put me in touch with Slade?”

 

Stefano takes a deep breath.  “Yes,” he replies.

 

“Will you be able to get me or one of our guys in there as a client?”  Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, his voice steadier.  “I think so.”

 

“Will you keep us informed of Slade’s activities?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano answers.

 

“Alright then,” Sebastian says, turning to Bartlett.  “I’ll call Hollister and see what I can do.  If this works out, are you okay with us talking to each other directly from here on out?”  He gestures back and forth between himself and Stefano as he speaks.

 

“Yes, that’s fine,” Bartlett says.  “Just keep me in the loop.”  He stands up.  “And good luck with Hollister.”

 

“Thanks, I’ll need it,” Sebastian says with a hollow laugh.  Bartlett grabs his briefcase and heads out the door, and Sebastian closes it behind him and turns back to Stefano.  “Ready to go back?”

 

“There’s no hurry,” Stefano replies, a little too quickly.  Sebastian considers for a moment.  Stefano has given him some pretty significant information already, and Sebastian can afford to do him a favor.

 

Sebastian reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes, extending it to Stefano.  Stefano raises an eyebrow, but takes one.  Sebastian takes one for himself, lights it, and slides the lighter across the table to Stefano.  Myra always hated it when he smoked, but Myra isn’t here.

 

Stefano lights his cigarette, slides Sebastian’s lighter back to him, and takes a long drag.  He exhales a puff of smoke.  “Thank you, I needed that.”

 

“No problem,” Sebastian says.  He hates to admit it, but he needed this as well.  Nicotine always helps take the edge off, and he makes better decisions when his nerves are calm.

 

Stefano is looking at him with a critical eye.  “So you don’t spend all day picking up escorts?”

 

Sebastian laughs.  “No, only on special occasions.  Apparently I can pull off the ‘john’ look.”

 

“Well, you act the part well, but even then you have a certain…civility that is lacking in most of my actual clients.  And you are also more attractive than most.”  He raises an eyebrow at Sebastian.  “I don’t imagine you have to pay for sex, Detective Castellanos.”

 

Sebastian makes a conscious effort to keep his expression neutral.  He hasn’t been having any sex lately, purchased or otherwise, but Stefano doesn’t need to know that.  What is more puzzling is why Stefano is fishing for information about his personal life.  Sebastian decides it’s time to change the subject.

 

“How did you meet Slade anyway?” Sebastian asks before taking a long pull on his cigarette.

 

Stefano exhales with another puff of smoke and says, “He helped me shortly after I came to this country.”  Sebastian isn’t surprised to hear that at all.  He makes a mental note to cross-check the list of dead and missing people to see if any of the others are recent immigrants.  They’re a population that can be more vulnerable to the kind of ‘help’ that Slade would be offering.

 

“And you’ve been with him ever since?” Sebastian asks.

 

“I do what I have to do to survive,” Stefano replies as he finishes his cigarette and stubs it out on the ash tray sitting on the table.  The tone of his voice tells Sebastian that the conversation is over, at least for the moment.

 

“Alright then,” Sebastian says, “let’s get you back.”

 

“Very well,” Stefano replies.

 

Stefano stands, calm and compliant, while Sebastian reapplies the shackles to his wrists and ankles, and then follows Sebastian obediently out of the precinct to his car.  It is not unusual for someone in Stefano’s position to be on their best behavior, but Sebastian gets the impression that there is more than just that going on here.  Sebastian has more questions about Stefano’s relationship with Slade- a lot more questions-, but this isn’t the time or the place for them.

 

The ride back to the jail is quiet, but Stefano does speak to Sebastian just before the deputy helps him out of the car.

 

“I hope to see you again, Detective Castellanos.”

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian opens his mouth to argue, but Banks continues, “Sebastian, I’ve known you since you started with the department. You were a good officer, and you’re a great detective, but you’re still a human being. You don’t have to pretend that what happened to Lily and Myra doesn’t affect you.”
> 
> “Are you saying that I’m unfit to do my job?” Sebastian asks, unable to keep the hard edge out of his voice.
> 
> “I’m saying that it is unreasonable to ask you to objectively work a case involving missing persons when your wife is also a missing person,” Banks says, his voice calm and measured.

 

 

As soon as he sets foot back in the First Precinct, Sebastian is in Sergeant Banks’ office.

 

“I think Valentini’s the real deal,” he says, closing the office door behind him and plopping down in a chair as Banks looks up from a case file in surprise.

 

“What did he tell you?” Banks asks.

 

“That there’s a new drug on the streets,” Sebastian says.  “And I bet the toxicology on Sandra Paxton will support that if she wasn’t too decomposed to test.”

 

“She wasn’t decomposed,” Banks says, “but I still don’t think they’ll find anything.  She’d been dead for at least a couple of hours when she was found.  That’s more than enough time for most drugs to clear her system.”

 

Banks is probably right about that, but luckily that’s not their only lead.  “He also said that both Kate Mellor and Sandra Paxton worked for Slade up until just before their deaths, along with Doreen Page.”

 

“I take it Page is also a deceased prostitute,” Banks says.

 

“Yes,” Sebastian replies, “similar circumstances to the others.”

 

“And where is all of this going down?”

 

“In one of the old government housing buildings on Calvert Street.  He marked it for me,” Sebastian says, handing the aerial photo to Banks.  Banks studies it for a moment as Sebastian continues, “At the very least, it’s a substantial drug and sex trafficking operation, and it might lead us to more information about these deaths and missing persons.”

 

Banks looks up at Sebastian with a sigh.  “See, that’s why I’m not so sure about you working this case,” he says, and Sebastian can see little lines of concern etched into his face, the same lines that are always there when he asks Sebastian how he’s doing, the same lines that Sebastian can see in the faces of half of KCPD when they tell him good morning or sometimes just when they pass him in the hall.  It’s as though they can all see the cracks forming in his defenses, can see how hard he is working to hold it together, can see that sooner or later he is going to break.

 

Sebastian opens his mouth to argue, but Banks continues, “Sebastian, I’ve known you since you started with the department.  You were a good officer, and you’re a great detective, but you’re still a human being.  You don’t have to pretend that what happened to Lily and Myra doesn’t affect you.”

 

“Are you saying that I’m unfit to do my job?” Sebastian asks, unable to keep the hard edge out of his voice.

 

“I’m saying that it is unreasonable to ask you to objectively work a case involving missing persons when your wife is also a missing person,” Banks says, his voice calm and measured.

 

“This case has nothing to do with Myra,” Sebastian says, his voice rising.  “Myra would never get caught up in something like this!”

 

“That’s not what I said, and you know it,” Banks replies, still infuriatingly calm.  “You came to Vice and Narcotics to work a very specific type of case.”  Banks is right about that, although it’s more accurate to say that Sebastian came to Vice and Narcotics to avoid the other types of cases.

 

“And this is a drug case!” snaps Sebastian.

 

“Not if what you’re saying is true,” Banks says, sitting back in his chair.  “You’re saying that this is much bigger than a simple drug operation.”

 

“For fuck’s sake,” Sebastian sighs, throwing his head back to look at the ceiling.  He hates that Banks is using his own words against him like a god damn defense attorney.

 

“Sebastian,” Banks says, still calm and collected as ever, “you did some really good work in that interview, and we’re going to follow up on it, but I’m going to consult with Homicide and Missing Persons and see how they want to handle it- maybe create a special task force.”

 

Sebastian is watching Banks’ lips move, but all he can see is his chance to solve this case slipping away.  And it’s not just about the drugs or the prostitution.  It’s a chance to find justice for Kate Mellor and Doreen Page and at least a dozen other dead sex workers.  It’s a chance for Sebastian to prove he’s still a homicide detective.  And whatever Sebastian tells Banks, it might be a chance to find out what happened to Myra.

 

That said, it’s clearly not a chance that Banks is going to give him, and there isn’t a whole lot Sebastian can do about that at the moment.  After ‘the incident’ he knows he is on thin ice, and he can’t afford another mistake.  He takes a deep breath, forcing his frustration back down before he responds.

 

“Will you let me know what you find out?  After you talk to Homicide, I mean,” Sebastian says.  “I told Valentini’s defense attorney I’d call the DA about a contract bond, so I need to know how to follow up on that.”

 

“Yes, I’ll update you after I meet with Homicide,” Banks replies.  “Anything else I can do for you right now?”

 

“No,” Sebastian sighs, letting his shoulders slump as the rest of the tension drains out of him.  “Thanks for hearing me out.”  This is his case, and he wants to be the one to see it through, but Banks has always been very fair and reasonable, the kind of person Sebastian looked up to as a new patrol officer and is proud to call his colleague.  Maybe Banks has a reason for what he’s doing, even if it’s not one that makes sense to Sebastian.

 

Sebastian gets up and returns to his desk, where the rest of Stefano’s file is still laid out.  He grabs the sketches, marveling again at how lifelike they are.  Stefano really does have a talent for art, and it’s too bad KCPD doesn’t use a sketch artist anymore, because Stefano would be great at it.

 

After showing the sketches to the rest of the guys on day shift in Narcotics, Sebastian has full names for two of the previously unidentified men.  Christopher Young and Keith Lance are relatively small time criminals with a few arrests each for drug possession or similar offenses.  The third guy, the one Stefano called Dalton, is more of a mystery.  No one can match that picture up to a suspect, though everyone agrees that it looks exactly like Detective Bruce Jackson from Homicide.  This realization leads to several minutes of laughter and joking around, and Sebastian finds himself in slightly higher spirits.

 

He does feel a little twinge of guilt, because he’s sure that Banks would tell him to just leave this case alone, but it’s still his case at least for the moment.  He is just doing some background investigation.  He’ll be able to hand all of this off to the task force and save them some work…except that every time he thinks about handing off this file, something tightens in his chest.

 

As he walks back to his desk, sketches in hand, he spots a familiar face heading into Banks’ office.

 

“Hi Sebastian,” Kidman says with a smile and a tentative wave.

 

“Hey Kidman,” Sebastian says, offering a half-hearted wave back.  He really shouldn’t hold anything against Kidman.  It’s not her fault that he got transferred out of homicide, but every time he sees her, the feelings of anger and resentment come rushing back.  No wonder she doesn’t seem to know where she stands with him.

 

Kidman goes into Banks’ office and shuts the door, and Sebastian sits down at his desk.  All of the satisfaction of identifying the other two men is gone, replaced by the creeping feeling in his gut that he is in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing.  He belongs in Homicide, but he’s afraid he’s already made too many mistakes to ever get back there.  If he has to turn this case over to Kidman, Sebastian is not sure there is going to be anything gracious or professional about the way he does it.

 

To distract himself, Sebastian turns his attention to his computer and accesses the City Hall building records, pulling up the construction blueprints for 610 Calvert Street.  They probably aren’t going to be that helpful, because they’re from the original construction when the building was divided up into sixteen apartments.  Sebastian isn’t sure how different it looks now, since most of the building has been gutted and redesigned, but at least the blueprints should give him some idea of the layout.

 

He opens his email and types out a message to Howard Martin, his contact at public works.

 

_Hey Howard, quick question for you: Is the power and water still turned on at 610 Calvert Street?  It’s one of those vacant housing projects.  Thanks, Sebastian._

Sebastian isn’t terribly surprised to learn that people are living in one or more of the abandoned buildings, but he finds it hard to believe that these buildings accommodate the lifestyle of a drug dealer.  They are still technically owned by the private development corporation, but as far as he knows they dropped everything as soon as they ran out of money, so there is no telling how habitable or otherwise the buildings are.

 

Martin responds within minutes:  _Utilities are paid through the end of the year, so the water’s on.  Power is supplied by a private company, so I can’t be sure about that._

 

Sebastian shoots back an email thanking Martin and goes to grab the blueprints out of the printer.  He has only just sat down at his desk again when Banks’ office door opens and Kidman exits.  She gives Sebastian a furtive smile before she turns and walks briskly out of the Vice and Narcotics office.

 

“Castellanos,” Banks calls.  Sebastian is on his feet and standing just inside Banks’ office door within seconds.  “Close the door and have a seat,” Banks says.  The lines are back on his face, and this time it’s not just the little ones around his eyes.  His brow is deeply furrowed and Sebastian can see a muscle twitching in his jaw.

 

“Just met with Homicide,” Banks begins, “and they’re going to take the information you got from Valentini under advisement.”

 

Sebastian sits up straight.  “What?” he says sharply.  “They’re not going to act on it?”

 

“They have a number of other leads to follow up right now.”  Banks’ voice is patient, but the tension is still visible in his face.  “They’re going to-”

 

“That’s bullshit,” Sebastian interjects.

 

Banks raises a hand.  “Don’t interrupt me, Castellanos,” he says, voice still even.  “Kidman wants a copy of any research you did, and Homicide will be taking a look at it.”

 

“You know as well as I do what’s going to happen,” Sebastian says, throwing his hands up in frustration.  “It’s going to get buried in their paperwork and no one’s ever going to look at it again.  This is a lead, Banks- a real lead- and if they’re not going to follow up on it, then let’s at least get a search warrant and sweep the place for drugs.”

 

Banks is already shaking his head.  “Not going to happen.  It’s Homicide’s case, and we’re not going to do anything that might compromise it.”

 

“But they’re not going to do anything either!” Sebastian shoots back, his voice rising.  “They’re going to let it sit in their inbox while they chase their tails on some other theory of the case.  And by the time they even get around to looking at it, we’re going to have half a dozen more dead prostitutes!”  Sebastian is on his feet.

 

Banks is staring hard at him, and all of the warmth has left his voice when he asks, “What is your problem today, Castellanos?”

 

“Kate Mellor is my problem!” Sebastian shouts, taking a step forward.  “And Doreen Page!  And all of the other dead prostitutes and missing people!   For fuck’s sake, Banks, these are people- these were people, and-”

 

“Sit down Castellanos.”  Banks is barely raising his voice, but there is fire in his eyes as he looks at Sebastian.  Sebastian hesitates.  “Sit down and listen to me.  That’s an order.”

 

Sebastian’s heart is still pounding as he steps back and drops into the chair.  He wishes Banks would get angry, would shout at him or jump to his feet or slam his fist on something, because this is worth getting angry about, and Sebastian doesn’t know how to react to Banks’ composure.

 

“There is nothing left for me to explain to you,” Banks says firmly, staring Sebastian down the whole time.  “This is not your case.  This will never be your case, and you need to stay far, far away from it.  Do you understand?”

 

Sebastian heaves a sigh.  There is no point to arguing about this anymore.  He’s only going to get reprimanded, or worse, reassigned again.  “Yes sir,” he says.  Even to himself, he sounds like a petulant child, but god damn it he doesn’t understand.  He doesn’t understand why Banks is being so deferential to Kidman of all people, why Banks is willing to let this lead go unexplored.

 

“Now Sebastian,” Banks says, and Sebastian notes that the hard edge has dropped out of his tone along with the switch to Sebastian’s first name.  “You’ve been doing some very good work lately, but I can tell that it’s been…affecting you more than usual.”

 

Sebastian opens his mouth to object, but Banks continues, “You’re a solid detective, and the squad can’t afford to lose you in the long run, but I think it’s a good idea for you to take some time off.”

 

Sebastian is dumbfounded.  Work is literally all he has going for him right now, and he wouldn’t even know what to do with time off.  “I said I understood you, Sergeant,” Sebastian protests.  “I’ll stay out of Homicide’s cases.”

 

“I’m sure you will,” Banks replies, “but you also need some time away from work.  Get your head on straight, and then come back.  We’ll be waiting for you.  I think three weeks should do it.”

 

“You’re suspending me for three weeks?”  Sebastian’s voice is rising again.

 

“No, you are taking three weeks of paid medical leave,” Banks says firmly.  “Or if you prefer, I can suspend you for three weeks.”

 

If there is one thing Sebastian doesn’t need on his record, it’s another suspension, which is why he blows out a long breath, pushes down his anger and his resentment, and replies, “No, I’ll take the leave.”

 

Banks nods.  “Good.  Just leave your case files on your desk for Oda, and I’ll take Valentini’s file and your notes from the interview for Homicide.”

 

“Alright,” Sebastian says as he stands up, even though this is definitely not alright.  Banks also stands and follows Sebastian to his desk.  It is a testament to how well Banks knows him that he doesn’t leave Sebastian alone with Stefano’s file long enough for him to copy anything, because that is exactly what Sebastian would have done given the opportunity.

 

It is almost physically painful for Sebastian to relinquish the file and his notes to Banks, but he manages to hand it over.  He grabs his car keys from his desk and logs out of the computer.  His feet carry him out of the precinct, but he has no idea where he is going next.

 

 

 

 

The oppressive heat isn’t helping to improve Sebastian’s mood.  He’s only been on leave for twenty minutes, and he already doesn’t know what to do with himself.  He briefly considers going to a bar, but it’s only 1600, and he’d rather wait until later when he can slip in unnoticed with a larger crowd.  He’s just driving.  The wind is in his hair and the radio is blaring, but he is numb, tuned out, staring out the windshield without actually seeing anything.

 

He pulls into a parking space at Krimson City Park and gets out of the jeep.  He opens the back door to get Lily out of her car seat, but the backseat is empty, and Lily has been dead for two years, and he is alone without Lily or Myra or even his job to turn to.  In that moment, the numbness is gone, and everything is crashing down on him at once.

 

He leans forward, resting his elbows on the back seat and burying his face in his forearms.  He doesn’t think about the fire or the funeral or the arguments with Myra or the note she wrote him when she left, doesn’t let himself think about any of those things.  He can’t dwell on his memories, because he has a job to do…except that he doesn’t even have that job anymore, and what the hell is he supposed to do now?

 

If he goes home, there will be nothing to occupy his mind, nothing to keep the dark thoughts at bay.  He will have to think and remember and feel, and he can’t do that, not now, not when there is literally nothing left in his life.  He stands up, heaves a sigh, and closes the car door.

 

He doesn’t know why he’s at the park.  He hasn’t been here since the last time he picked Lily up from school.  She had begged him to go to the park, and even though it was cold out and it was definitely going to make Sebastian late for the Homicide squad meeting that evening, he relented, because it was Lily and Sebastian couldn’t deny her anything.  He remembers pushing her on the swing as she looked back over her shoulder at him, squealing in delight.

 

That same swing waves forlornly in the faint breeze as Sebastian sits down under one of the picnic shelters to collect his thoughts.  Lily is dead, and there is nothing he can do about that, but Myra is missing, and someone knows something about her.  Someone knows something about all of the missing persons, but Homicide is never going to take the time to find that person.

 

Just like that, the feeling of emptiness turns to anger, and Sebastian embraces it.  It’s not just Kate and Doreen and the others; there is also Stefano, who is still stuck on D-Block and may be in even more danger if anyone has figured out that he talked to Sebastian.  If Homicide isn’t taking this lead seriously, then nobody is going to call the DA and ask about getting Stefano out on bond…which gives Sebastian another idea. 

 

He has to sit and think about this one for a few minutes, because there is a huge risk involved.  If he calls Hollister and asks about the contract bond and Banks has talked to her first, then his career is going to be over right then.  If she hasn’t talked to Banks, then he only has to face the usual challenge of convincing her that it’s a good idea to have Stefano released pending trial, and she would have no reason to question his motivation for doing so.  In fact, there’s a good chance no one would find out about it for a while unless another detective went looking for Stefano.

 

The real question is what he’s going to do with Stefano if he does get him out of jail, and there is an even bigger risk involved there.  Undertaking his own investigation while he is supposedly on leave is so far outside the realm of acceptable behavior that there would be no going back.  Even in the best case scenario, the one where he solves the case and figures out who is responsible for all of the unexplained deaths and disappearances, he’d almost certainly be terminated from KCPD for going rogue.

 

Then he thinks about Kidman’s face as she left Banks’ office and about Banks’ face when he told Sebastian to stay out of this case, because something is not adding up here.  This is a promising lead, and if Homicide isn’t going to follow up on it and Narcotics isn’t going to follow up on it, then the case really is going to go cold unless someone does something drastic.

 

Maybe Sebastian is just having a shitty day, or maybe his whole life has been leading up to this moment, but he is ready to do something drastic.  Before he can change his mind, he pulls out his phone, finds Rebecca Hollister in his contacts, and places the call.

 

“Rebecca Hollister,” she answers, and her voice sounds so mechanical that for a second Sebastian wonders if he actually got her voicemail.

 

“Hello?” he says.

 

“Yes, this is Rebecca Hollister.  Who’s this?”

 

“Sebastian Castellanos,” Sebastian replies.

 

“Right, Sebastian,” Hollister says.  “What’s up?”  Her tone is brusque and businesslike, and Sebastian knows he has about thirty seconds to make his pitch and grab her interest before she decides that she doesn’t have time for this.  Much like the police department and the public defenders, the district attorneys are chronically overworked.

 

“I need to talk to you about Stefano Valentini,” Sebastian begins, “He was arrested for prostitution and possession of cocaine about a week ago.”

 

“Yes, I have the file,” Hollister says quickly.  “What about him?”  One of Hollister’s best qualities, as far as Sebastian is concerned, is that she gets right to the point.

 

“He gave me a really good interview today,” Sebastian replies.  “I want to work with him as an informant.”

 

Sebastian can hear papers being shuffled before Hollister speaks again.  “Sebastian, he committed a felony drug offense,” she says, “and he’s got priors for drugs as well.  What exactly do you think he’s going to do for you if he gets out?”

 

“He’s a minor player in a larger drug and human-trafficking scheme,” Sebastian says.  “And he worked with two prostitutes who were later found dead under mysterious circumstances.  He’s expressed that he’s willing to put me in touch with his pimp, who I believe is the next step in following up on all of these leads.”

 

“Well, that’s all very compelling,” Hollister says, “but I think we both know that he’s far more likely to fall off the map as soon as he gets out, start getting high again, and then fail to show up for court.”  Hollister may be cynical, but she’s not wrong.  Drug addicts and prostitutes have a very high rate of failure to appear for their hearings.

 

“I won’t let that happen,” Sebastian replies.  “I’ll be personally responsible for him.”  He doesn’t usually make promises like this, especially about informants, who are notoriously fickle, but he is desperate to get Stefano out.  Without Stefano, this off-the-record investigation that Sebastian is undertaking will be over before it starts.

 

“That’s a bold assertion,” Hollister muses.  Sebastian hears more papers being shuffled.  “Well, he doesn’t have any violent prior convictions, and he hasn’t failed to appear in court before, so compared to some of the guys you’ve brought me, he’s practically an angel.”

 

“Well, I wouldn’t say that,” Sebastian replies.  If anything, Stefano is more like a serpent.  “But I can keep him in line.”

 

There is a long pause on the other end of the line before Hollister speaks.  “I trust your judgment, Sebastian.  You’ve been doing this a long time.”  She sighs.  “I’ll get in touch with Bartlett and get a contract bond entered, probably tomorrow, but don’t you dare lose track of him.”

 

“Thank you,” Sebastian says, trying to squash the note of disbelief in his voice, because this is going much better than he expected.  “I won’t.”

 

“I’ll call you when I find out when he’s being released,” Hollister adds.  “I expect you’ll want to meet with him right away.”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian says, his mind reeling as he tries to think of a way to avoid having Hollister call the Vice and Narcotics office and tip off someone else about what he’s doing.  “I’m on night shift tomorrow,” he says in a flash of inspiration.  “Can you just call me on my cell?”

 

“Sure,” Hollister replies.  “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”  She hangs up before Sebastian has a chance to say goodbye.

 

He lowers his phone to his lap, staring at it for a moment even though the call has ended.  He feels like shit for lying to Hollister and for going behind Banks’ back.  They are both people of integrity, hard-working, and very good at their respective jobs, and they don’t deserve this.  Unfortunately if Sebastian tells the truth right now, his investigation is never going to get off the ground, and all of those dead and missing people are going to be just statistics, unsolved cases.

 

He sighs deeply, pushes the guilt to the back of his mind, and thinks on his next move.  He still doesn’t particularly want to go home, but there is an almost full bottle of whiskey in his cupboard, and if there was ever a time to unwind from a long day, this is it.

 

As he walks back to the parking lot, he detects movement in the corner of his eye, but he refuses to look at the swing.

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do I have your word on that?” Stefano asks, looking at Sebastian with interest.
> 
> “Yes,” Sebastian replies. Then, because he is genuinely curious, “Does my word mean anything to you?”
> 
> A hint of a smile flashes across Stefano’s face, “That remains to be seen, Detective Castellanos.”

 

 

Sebastian wakes up at a reasonable hour, which is surprising considering how little he remembers of the night before and how much of his whiskey is missing.  He has that horrible, aching, nostalgic feeling in his throat that tells him he was dreaming of a better time, a time that will never be again.  He is on the cusp of remember that dream as he sits up in bed, but he puts its forcibly out of his mind, banishes it to the realm of thoughts and feelings that he can’t have right now.  Maybe one day he will be strong enough to let them in.

 

He needs a distraction, so he gets to work immediately, writing up everything he remembers from Stefano’s interview in his personal notebook.  It’s the best he can do to replicate the case file, but Sebastian isn’t worried, because having access to Stefano himself is the key to this investigation.

 

He perks up each time his phone rings, but the first two times are calls from Joseph, which Sebastian ignores, though he does feel a little guilty about it.  Joseph undoubtedly has something kind and supportive to say about his recent misfortune, because Joseph is a good man and a better friend, but Sebastian just isn’t ready to talk about any of this, and it’s easier to dodge Joseph’s calls than to answer and try to talk about the weather or something.

 

It is just before noon when he gets the call from Hollister that Stefano is being released, and after thanking her profusely and reassuring her that he is going to watch Stefano like a hawk, he heads over to the jail to make good on that promise.

 

He is waiting outside when Stefano emerges, squinting against the afternoon sun and adjusting his jacket, the same one he was wearing when Sebastian arrested him.  Sebastian scans the immediate area to see if anyone else seems to be waiting for Stefano.  He doesn’t want to expose himself to any of Stefano’s less savory associates, but Stefano appears to be on his own.

 

Stefano glances up and down the street as though he is also trying to make sure he isn’t being watched and then takes off, striding purposefully down the sidewalk.  When he draws level with Sebastian’s passenger door, Sebastian calls out, “Need a ride?”

 

Stefano jumps a little, but relaxes when he sees Sebastian.  “I don’t know,” he replies with a sly smile.  “The last time I got into your car, things worked out rather poorly for me.”

 

“Just don’t offer to suck my dick for money, and you’ll be fine,” Sebastian says, leaning across the vehicle to throw the passenger door open.

 

“Very well then,” Stefano replies.  He climbs into the passenger seat, closes the door behind him, and looks up at the sky.  “Where is the rest of your car?”

 

Sebastian laughs.  “It’s too hot to be inside a metal box on a day like this.”  He pulls away from the curb and merges into traffic.

 

“Are we going to the police station?” Stefano asks.

 

“No,” Sebastian answers, realizing that he hasn’t given a lot of thought to where this initial meeting should take place.  “We don’t want people to see you coming and going from the police station if we can help it,” he adds as he tries to think of somewhere to go.  The precinct is out, for obvious reasons, and he also isn’t sure that he wants Stefano to know where he lives.  Maybe the park is a better place for this.

 

Stefano is quiet for most of the ride, though he does look quite irritated at the way that the open top of the jeep allows his hair to be swept back out of his face by the wind.  The first thing he does when they pull into the parking lot is attempt to plaster it back over his face.

 

Sebastian parks at the end of the lot, away from the other vehicles, and cuts off the engine.  Stefano is taking in their surroundings with a bemused expression that makes Sebastian wonder if he ever meets clients here- not that it matters right now.

 

“Okay,” he begins as he turns his body slightly to face Stefano.  “You’re out on bond because you are assisting in an investigation, so there are going to be some rules.”  Stefano nods.

 

“Rule Number One: You cannot leave Krimson City without my permission.”  Sebastian pauses, and Stefano nods again.

 

“Rule Number Two: You need to stay in touch with me,” Sebastian continues.  “That means if I call or text you, you need to respond within a few hours if not sooner.  If I don’t hear from you, I’m going to assume the worst.”

 

“How am I supposed to contact you?” Stefano asks.  “You took my phone.”

 

“Right,” Sebastian says, because he did in fact take Stefano’s phone and turn it in to the evidence room, and now there is no way he can get it until he is back on duty.  Luckily he did some planning for this situation.  He flips open the center console and grabs the burner phone he bought for Stefano.  “Take this,” he says, extending the phone to Stefano.  “It’s paid for the first month.”  Stefano takes the phone and nods.

 

“My number is already programmed in,” Sebastian says, as Stefano checks the contacts list.  “We should try to keep any text messages pretty vague, in case someone sees them.”  He pauses.  “Does Slade ever look at your phone?”

 

“He does from time to time,” Stefano replies.  “I would suggest that you simply pose as one of my clients when you are contacting me.  I do give some repeat clients my number.”

 

“Great,” Sebastian says, “I’ll do that.  Rule Number Three: KCPD does not condone any illegal activities that you engage in while you’re out on bond, so break the law at your own risk.”  Informants are supposed to stay clean, but Sebastian has no doubt that Stefano will be using again the second he can get his hands on his drug of choice.  “That said, I am not going to bust you for using drugs or…conducting business in the course of the investigation.”

 

“Do I have your word on that?” Stefano asks, looking at Sebastian with interest.

 

“Yes,” Sebastian replies.  Then, because he is genuinely curious, “Does my word mean anything to you?”

 

A hint of a smile flashes across Stefano’s face, “That remains to be seen, Detective Castellanos.”

 

“Rule Number Four: Stop calling me that,” Sebastian says.  “It’s Sebastian while we’re working on this case.  Otherwise you’re going to slip up and call me ‘Detective’ in front of somebody who matters and get both of us killed.”

 

“Very well, Sebastian,” Stefano says, and the way that the name rolls off his tongue, the way his lips wrap around it is almost indecent.  Sebastian swallows hard and just stares for a moment, shell-shocked that anyone can elicit that kind of reaction simply by pronouncing his name.  Of course, Stefano is a professional…

 

“What…what do your clients call you?” Sebastian asks, fumbling with the words for a moment before he remembers what he is supposed to be doing.

 

Stefano smirks.  “They call me many things, but I do give my first name to regular clients.”

 

“Got it,” Sebastian says.  He doesn’t really care to know what other names Stefano’s clients call him, because most of the actual johns he has encountered are creepy assholes.  “Rule Number Five: If at any point you feel that you are in danger because of your involvement in this case, you need to let me know immediately.  There are steps we can take to protect you, but you have to tell me.”  Stefano nods.

 

“Do you have any questions for me?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano says, perking up.  “Can I have my knife back?”

 

“No,” Sebastian replies.  “It’s evidence now, so it’s going to be held until your case is over.”  He leaves out the fact that even if he wanted to get it back, he can’t access the evidence room while he is on leave.

 

Stefano’s shoulders slump, but he asks another question.  “Am I permitted to initiate contact with you?”

 

“Yes, of course,” Sebastian says.  “Just be careful.  I don’t think I have to tell you what’ll happen if you get found out.”

 

“No,” Stefano says, “Slade and his associates are rather violent at the best of times.”  He pauses.  “All of the orders from court today are sealed, yes?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian answers, because he is sure Hollister took care of that.  “As far as anyone else knows, you just bonded out.”

 

Stefano nods again.  “What do we do next?”

 

“Next we get you home,” Sebastian says.  “We’ll set up a more in-depth meeting in the next couple days.  You probably need to decompress after being in the jail.”  Sebastian has been doing this long enough to know that people are not at their best right after being released.  Stefano is probably running on fumes and adrenaline right now, and he will almost certainly have more questions and more ideas when he is coming from familiar surroundings.

 

Stefano shrugs.  “Slade’s house is not a particularly good place to ‘decompress’ as you call it.  You’ll find out soon enough.”

 

Sebastian gives a sympathetic smile.  He is sure Slade’s house isn’t very relaxing, but the whole reason they got Stefano out was so that he could work on Slade.  “Do you want me to drive you over to Calvert Street?” he asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  “Or within a few blocks perhaps.”

 

Stefano declines Sebastian’s offer of lunch, which makes Sebastian suspicious, because Stefano still looks like he could use several good meals.  He is quiet for the rest of the ride, and by the time Sebastian stops the jeep a few blocks from 610 Calvert Street, he has started to fidget again.

 

“I’ll call you,” Sebastian says as Stefano steps out onto the sidewalk.

 

“Not if I call you first,” Stefano says with a faint smile.

 

Sebastian just shakes his head as he pulls away from the curb.  Stefano is a bit of a puzzle.  Even when he’s not high, his behavior is erratic, and Sebastian is having a hard time getting a handle on what motivates him.  Of course, he’ll have plenty more time to get to know Stefano in the course of the investigation.

 

Sebastian’s phone rings, and his first thought is that it’s Stefano trying to mess with him already, but when he glances at the display, Joseph’s name comes up.  Sebastian sighs.  He really doesn’t want to talk about his unplanned vacation right now, but if he doesn’t pick up this time, Joseph is likely to show up at his house unannounced under the pretense of making sure he’s still alive.

 

“Hey Joseph,” he answers, trying to inject some energy into his voice.

 

“Seb, where have you been?”  Joseph’s voice has a hard edge to it, and Sebastian feels like he is being scolded.  “I’ve been calling.”

 

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” Sebastian replies.  “I was just doing some work around the house, and I put the phone down in the other room.”  It’s not a great excuse, and based on the silence on the other end of the line, Joseph isn’t buying it.  At least Joseph is polite enough not to call him out on it.

 

“How are you doing?” Joseph asks finally.  “I heard you’re on medical leave.”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian says, “It wasn’t my idea, but I’ll get through it.”

 

“You’re taking this much better than I expected,” Joseph says, and there is a note of suspicion in his voice.

 

“I don’t know,” Sebastian says, “maybe it just hasn’t sunk in yet.  I’m sure I’ll be going crazy after a couple of days.”  Sebastian hates lying to Joseph, but he certainly doesn’t want to put his friend in the position of being complicit in his unauthorized solo investigation.  If he goes down for this, he’s not taking Joseph with him.

 

“Well, you know you can give me a call if you need anything,” Joseph says.  “Maybe we can get a beer this weekend?”

 

Now Sebastian knows Joseph is worried, because Joseph almost never suggests that the two of them go out for a beer.  In fact, Sebastian generally takes care not to drink in front of Joseph, because it can earn him anything from a disapproving glare to an extended conversation about his feelings.

 

“Maybe,” Sebastian says, “and thanks for checking up on me.”

 

“Of course,” Joseph replies.  “Take care of yourself.”

 

“Will do,” Sebastian replies.  “Bye Joseph.”

 

“Bye Seb,” Joseph says before hanging up.  Sebastian tosses the phone onto the passenger seat and swears under his breath when he realizes that he’s been on autopilot and has driven almost all the way to the First Precinct.  He glances at the time displayed on the dashboard, but once again, it’s too early to go to a bar.  Reluctantly, he heads for home.

 

 

 

 

Four hours later, Sebastian has cut the grass, sprayed all of the weeds in the driveway, and beaten the bushes into submission, though he’s fairly certain Myra would laugh if she could see how they turned out.  He frowns.  No matter how many times he tried to help Myra in the yard, he never seemed to get any better at it, though he did get pretty good at keeping their ancient lawnmower up and running.  At least now their house looks slightly less abandoned then when he started.

 

He strips off his sweat-soaked T-shirt the second he’s back in the house, and goes to the fridge for a beer.  He probably needs something stronger, but he’s been out in the heat for hours, and the hard stuff won’t do anything to quench his thirst.

 

He pops the cap off, considers his options, and decides to sit out on the back deck for a little while.  The sun is starting to go down, and there’s little bit of a breeze, and the backyard is just as steeped in memories of Myra and Lily as anywhere else in the house.  If he’s going to suffer, he might as well do it outside.

 

Sebastian sits down and props his feet up on the railing, taking a swig of his beer as he tries to look off into the trees beyond the yard, past the playset and the sandbox that he can’t bear to get rid of even though they’ll never be used again.

 

A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.  He and Myra were such first-time parents.  They bought all of the nicest toys and then were amazed when Lily would spend hours playing in the cardboard box her dollhouse came in.  They’d spend hours studying parenting books, sometimes arguing, sometimes laughing, until-

 

Sebastian’s phone loudly announces an incoming text message.  He fishes it out of the pocket of the old athletic shorts he wears when he’s working in the yard and looks at it.  There’s no name associated with the phone number yet, but it’s easy to guess who it is.

 

_Thinking of me?_

Sebastian’s first instinct is to type back ‘no’ or ‘hell, no’ or some variation of that, but he reconsiders.  Stefano associates with some very dangerous people who also have access to his phone.  If Sebastian wants to keep them both safe and keep this line of communication open, he is going to have to play the part of one of Stefano’s clients.  This is going to get interesting…

 

 _Maybe,_ he texts back.

 

There is a pause before the next message comes in.  _What do you mean ‘maybe’?_   _Surely, I left more of an impression than that._

 

Sebastian smiles, because Stefano’s confidence and his disbelief at Sebastian’s response come through clearly even in writing.  He writes back, _What can I say?  I’m a hard guy to impress._

Sebastian takes another swig of his beer, then almost chokes when the response pops up.

 

_Yes, I’m quite familiar with how hard you can be._

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Sebastian grumbles to no one, because he is beginning to fully appreciate the position he has put himself in.  He can’t tell Stefano to knock it off, because Slade might see this conversation.  Hell, Slade might be looking over Stefano’s shoulder right now for all Sebastian knows.

 

He can’t decide whether Stefano is just having some fun or is actually trying to communicate some important piece of information to him, so he decides to be a bit more direct.

 

 _Is there something I can do for you?_ Sebastian types, realizing just as he sends it that he’s playing right into Stefano’s hand.

 

Stefano’s response is predictable.  _Oh, there are so many things that you can do for me…and to me.  And maybe a few things I can do for you as well._

 

Sebastian shakes his head and takes another swig, racking his brain for how the hell he is supposed to respond to that, when another message comes through.

 

_When can I see you again?_

 

Sebastian breathes a sigh of relief, because this one is much easier to respond to.  He types back, _Maybe tomorrow.  I’ll text you,_ and hits send.

 

He waits for a few seconds, afraid that Stefano is going to continue to tease him, if that is in fact what Stefano is trying to do, but his phone is quiet, and eventually he sets it down and goes back to gazing off into the distance.

 

This time, his thoughts are about the investigation.  They have a lot of work to do, but most of it hinges on Slade, which actually means that it hinges on Stefano, and Sebastian needs a lot more information before he can formulate any kind of plan.  Stefano can provide that information, so maybe it’s a good thing that they’ve already laid the groundwork for a meeting tomorrow.

 

Stefano is clearly going to be a handful though.  Sebastian has worked with informants before, but most of them are on their best behavior when interacting with him.  Usually even the most unscrupulous people try to maintain some sense of professionalism when talking to law enforcement, but Stefano seems undeterred.  Of course, maybe this is Stefano on his best behavior.

 

Sebastian laughs out loud at that idea.  He does, after all, need a distraction, and working with Stefano is shaping up to be anything but boring.

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stefano laughs. “Have I described the effects of the drug to you?”
> 
> “No,” Sebastian replies warily. “Please do.”
> 
> “It is euphoric,” Stefano says, looking straight through Sebastian with an unfocused eye. “You feel warm all over, and everything becomes so, so sensitive.” He is breathing harder now. “You need to be touched very badly, like you might die without some kind of human contact. It comes in waves…such powerful feelings one moment and such complete relaxation the next.” Stefano’s hand idly strokes the bedspread as he continues, “Your body is not your own, but you feel everything so intensely…”

 

 

_Can I get you for an hour?_

 

It’s the sort of message Sebastian would send when he’s playing the john in a sting operation- vague enough for plausible deniability but suggestive enough to get his point across.  Asking for sex outright usually cues prostitutes that they’re dealing with a cop.

 

It’s a sticky afternoon, and Sebastian is wearing an old T-shirt and jeans, sitting in his jeep outside a shitty motel, because he doesn’t want to get a room until he’s sure Stefano can make it.  His phone buzzes.

 

_$300 for an hour of my company._  

 

Sebastian smiles to himself.  Stefano’s demeanor is so different from most of the sex workers Sebastian has dealt with that he almost makes this seem classy…and expensive.  Luckily, Sebastian still has enough marked police money to buy some time with Stefano.  He hadn’t intended to leave his last sting operation with the envelope of marked bills still in his pocket, but they are certainly going to come in handy now.

 

He wonders briefly if he’s supposed to haggle about the price, but decides that his undercover persona can afford to spend three hundred dollars on a prostitute.  Maybe he’s a bachelor who owns a successful business- the kind of guy with no family attachments and lots of disposable income for sex and drugs.  That life doesn’t sound half bad to Sebastian at the moment.

 

_Done.  I’m at the Travel Inn on Airport Drive._   He sends the message, then shuts off the engine and goes into the motel office.  This place does rent by the hour, but since he doesn’t want to draw attention to himself, he gets a room for the night and texts the room number to Stefano.

 

The air-conditioner is on its last legs, and Sebastian flops down on one of the beds to wait, trying to move as little as possible in the thick, stagnant air.  It’s too hot for a nap, so he just lies there running through the next steps in their investigation over and over again in his head.

 

He spent the morning pulling up all of the newspaper articles he could find about the dead prostitutes and missing persons, so he now has a fairly complete list of the names he thinks may come up in this investigation.  He has duplicated as much of the information from his interview with Stefano as he can remember, and he has even supplemented that information with a visit to the City Hall records division for their public documents related to 610 Calvert Street.

 

Now what he needs is to find a way to get some information out of Slade and get a sample of that mystery drug, because it’s all connected somehow.  It’s connected to the missing persons and the dead prostitutes and maybe even to Myra-

 

A knock on the door jerks him out of his thoughts.  Sebastian gets up with some effort and goes to the door, looking through the peephole to see Stefano.  He slides the chain out of the way and pulls the door open.

 

Stefano is once again wearing a tailored suit and dress shirt, though he does seem to be wilting a little in the heat.  Sebastian’s eyes fixate on a drop of sweat running along Stefano’s collarbone until it disappears beneath his shirt. 

 

“Are you going to invite me in?” Stefano asks, just as Sebastian manages to drag his eyes back up to Stefano’s face.  Stefano leans in close, bringing one hand to the back of Sebastian’s neck and the other to lie flat on his chest.  His lips are inches from Sebastian’s ear as he whispers, “Black SUV.”

 

Sebastian glances over Stefano’s shoulder and notes that there is indeed a black SUV parked at the far side of the lot.  The man Stefano identified as Riker is at the wheel, and he is watching them intently.

 

“Well then,” Sebastian says, swallowing hard at Stefano’s proximity, “why don’t you come in?”  He takes a step backward, realizing suddenly that his hand is on Stefano’s waist.  He must be slipping back into his ‘john’ persona.

 

Stefano follows him into the room, and Sebastian closes the door behind them and pulls the chain across.  He goes to the window next, drawing the curtains and taking one last look out at the parking lot.  “Is he going to stay here the whole time?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano answers.  “For my protection,” he adds with a roll of his eye.

 

Sebastian makes one last attempt to adjust the air conditioner and then drops heavily into one of the chairs.

 

“So,” Stefano begins, sitting down on the bed across from Sebastian and fixing him with his gaze.  “What can I do for you?”  The way he says it, the hypnotic quality of his voice, sets off alarm bells for Sebastian, makes a chill race up and down his spine even in this stuffy room.  But Stefano can’t possibly be trying to seduce him.  Stefano knows he is a cop, knows that Sebastian called him here to work on an investigation, so it must be unintentional.

 

“We need to talk,” Sebastian says simply.  “Do you have any weapons on you?”

 

“No,” Stefano says, and his expression could almost be called a pout.  “You have effectively deprived me of my only means of self-defense.”

 

Sebastian ignores that comment.  He’s already explained to Stefano that the knife is being held as evidence along with the cocaine.  Which brings him to another point…

 

“Any drugs?  Are you high right now?”

 

“No, and unfortunately not,” Stefano answers.

 

Sebastian nods.  He doesn’t know yet whether he can take Stefano at his word, but he isn’t displaying any of the traditional signs of intoxication.  He is sitting still, one leg crossed over the other, and looking at Sebastian steadily.  His breathing seems to be normal, and the pupil of his visible eye isn’t dilated.  He’s a little sweaty, but that’s to be expected since the climate in the motel room is approaching tropical.

 

“Is this room being monitored?” Stefano asks suddenly, looking around as though he might be able to see cameras or wires.

 

“No,” Sebastian replies.  There’s no need to tell Stefano that he is going solo on this investigation.  There is nothing either one of them can do about it at the moment.

 

Stefano sighs and seems to relax a little bit.  “Do you mind if I remove my jacket?” he asks.  “It is quite warm in here.”

 

“Make yourself comfortable,” Sebastian says.  He watches as Stefano slips off his jacket and hangs it on the back of the other chair.  He has visible patches of sweat on his dress shirt, around the neck and at the small of his back, but Sebastian is sure that he isn’t looking much better himself.

 

“Oh, before I forget…” Sebastian says, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his wallet.  He hands the three-hundred dollars in marked bills to Stefano.  “For an hour of your company,” he adds.

 

Stefano takes the money, the corners of his mouth curving up into a slight smile as he tucks it away in his jacket pocket.

 

“It’s marked, by the way,” Sebastian tells him, even though there really shouldn’t be any way this will cause a problem for Stefano.  Sebastian is sure that he’s going to be turning the money over to Riker or Slade almost immediately, but he should still probably know what he’s dealing with.  “No one besides law enforcement will be able to see anything wrong with it, but if police look at it closely they’ll be able to tell it was used in an undercover operation.”

 

Stefano nods and takes a seat on the bed again.  Sebastian hates to support Slade’s operation, even when he’s in the process of taking it down, but he also doesn’t want to think about what those guys will do if Stefano comes back empty-handed.

 

“What I need right now is an in with Slade,” he begins.  “We’ve got other goals: getting a sample of that drug, figuring out where he’s getting it from, and learning who his contacts are in the escort business- but it all starts with Slade himself.”  Stefano is nodding along as he speaks.  “Do you ever introduce new drug clients to him?”

 

“Yes, I do,” Stefano replies.  “If someone who hires me is receptive to recreational substances, I pass their information along to Slade, and more often than not, he will contact them.”

 

Sebastian nods thoughtfully.  Slade’s not a complete idiot.  Limiting his potential clientele to people who have hired prostitutes at least means that he is starting with people who have already done something illegal.

 

“What happens after that?” Sebastian asks.

 

“His ultimate goal will be to get you to one of his selling parties,” Stefano explains, “but usually he will want to meet with you individually first.”

 

Sebastian adjusts his earlier assessment, because he is now thinking that Slade might be a complete idiot.  No serious dealer parties with the people he’s selling to.  Sebastian is starting to wonder if Slade’s primary objective is running a drug business or having people to party with.

 

“And what happens at the individual meeting?” Sebastian asks, directing his focus away from Slade’s amateur drug dealer antics to more pressing questions.  “Does he just want to sell to me?”

 

“Not exactly,” Stefano replies.  “He will invite you to the house and offer you some…hospitality, then-”

 

“Wait,” Sebastian interrupts.  “What do you mean by ‘hospitality’?”  Sometimes Stefano’s flowery language gets in the way of understanding what he is actually talking about.

 

“Time with one of the escorts,” Stefano answers readily.  “Or more than one of them, if you like.  Slade will ask you about your preferences when you arrive.  He fancies himself to be the proprietor of an exclusive club, so there are always a number of us on hand to entertain his guests.”

 

Slade is starting to sound more and more like a deluded rich boy playing at being a drug dealer.  Unfortunately the prospect of being ‘entertained’ by one of Slade’s escorts is going to make this operation somewhat problematic.  It is one thing to negotiate a sex act with a prostitute during an undercover operation, but to actually follow through on said act is something else entirely, particularly with one of Slade’s escorts, who sound as though they are likely being coerced into working for him.

 

“What if I don’t want time with one of the escorts?” Sebastian asks.  “What if I’m just interested in the drug?”

 

“You would risk offending him,” Stefano replies.  “Are you not allowed to do such things when you are undercover?”

 

“Are you seriously asking if the police department allows me to have sex with prostitutes while I’m working?” Sebastian asks, stalling for time while he frantically tries to figure out just how far he’s willing to go to get this information.  KCPD would, of course, not allow him to do anything of the sort, but he’s not working for KCPD at the moment.

 

Stefano’s face falls, and he looks almost hurt for a moment before he asks, “What about me?  I am already part of the plan.”  He pauses before adding, “And if I am going to be referring you to Slade, then he will know you have hired me before.”

 

Sebastian swallows hard, because Stefano has cut right to the only idea that is even remotely palatable to him.  Doing anything with one of Slade’s other escorts is completely out, because as far as Sebastian is concerned that would be far too close to rape, and he can’t risk offending Slade if his whole plan relies on developing some kind of relationship with him.  And Stefano is in on the plan after all, so he’s the only other person who can make an informed decision to participate…which leaves only the comparatively minor problem that Sebastian is not attracted to men.

 

 “Is that going to be weird?  I mean because we’re…?”  Sebastian asks, gesturing back and forth between himself and Stefano.

 

“Because we’re both men?” Stefano supplies.  “No, not at all.  Slade sees all types.  He requests my services himself from time to time.”  Stefano’s tone doesn’t change, but his gaze drops to the bedspread.  “Riker seems to be interested in me…almost exclusively, and most of Slade’s other employees don’t seem to be terribly particular about their partners.”

 

Sebastian takes a few points away from this.  One is that talking about Riker makes Stefano uncomfortable, which is interesting, because Stefano has tackled some pretty serious topics with no trouble at all.  Sebastian files that piece of information away for later use.  The second is that, for Slade and his men, sex is a power game.  Unfortunately it’s a little more than that for Sebastian.

 

“So is this the kind of thing that happens behind closed doors?” he asks hopefully.  “I mean, can we just go off on our own and pretend we…”  He stops speaking because Stefano is giving him a slightly bemused smile and shaking his head.

 

“It is a social activity for him,” Stefano says.  “And the first time in the house, he is unlikely to let you out of his sight.”

 

Sebastian sighs, raking a hand through his hair and looking up at the ceiling while he tries to rearrange his thoughts.  If Stefano is correct, and Sebastian has no reason to doubt his assessment of Slade, then this visit to Slade’s house is going to require him to do some things that are outside of his comfort zone.  His comfort zone isn’t nearly as important as all of the dead and missing people in Krimson City, but he still can’t imagine-

 

“Is something wrong?” Stefano asks.

 

Sebastian looks at him for a moment, wonders how honest he should be with Stefano, and decides that if Stefano is going to be his partner in this operation, he should probably just lay it all on the table.  “I’ve just never…”

 

“Never been with a man before?” Stefano supplies.

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian says, holding Stefano’s gaze.

 

Stefano gives him a reassuring smile.  “No matter,” he says.  “I will take care of everything.”  Sebastian must not be looking very reassured, because Stefano adds, “It is not as different as you might think.  You can use my body in much the same way that you can use a woman’s.”

 

“Jesus, Stefano,” Sebastian gasps.  “Don’t say things like that.”  The idea of using anyone’s body for his own pleasure is abhorrent to him, even if it’s just in the course of the investigation.  “Are you sure you’re comfortable with this?”

 

“Of course I am,” Stefano replies.  “This is quite literally my job.  The question is: Are you going to be able to go through with it?”

 

“I think so,” Sebastian says, though he doesn’t sound terribly convincing even to himself.  “What exactly is going to happen?  Are there specific acts that I should-”

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano cuts him off with an indulgent smile.  “You can do whatever you like.  Some of Slade’s clientele have rather…diverse interests, so there is very little that surprises me anymore.”

 

Sebastian takes a deep breath.  He has a lot more questions, but most of them are too embarrassing to put into words.  He moves on to the next step in the plan.

 

“So I show up,” he recites.  “I ask about the product.  I tell him you’re my type.”  A smile tugs at the corners of Stefano’s mouth as he looks at Sebastian.  There’s just a hint of vulnerability there, and Sebastian can’t help but wonder if on some level Stefano thinks this is real.  “We do…something.”  Sebastian can’t quite bring himself to be more specific than that.  “What happens next?”

 

“Then he will offer you some of the product,” Stefano replies.  “He expects everyone to want to sample before they buy.”

 

Sebastian just stares at Stefano for a moment, because this is by far the least believable thing he’s heard Stefano say.  “Are you shitting me?”

 

“No,” Stefano says, though he doesn’t seem offended.

 

“He actually gives away a free sample?” Sebastian asks, sure that he must be misunderstanding something.  Stefano nods.

 

Now Slade is sounding more like a pharmaceutical salesman, giving everyone a trial pack of his drug in hopes that they’ll want more.  Of course, that business model only works when a big pharmaceutical company is offsetting the cost of the samples.  So how the hell is Slade making money doing this?  Is the drug so addictive that he can rely on repeat customers?

 

“So what you’re saying is that I’m going to have to take at least one hit for him to see me as a potential buyer?” Sebastian asks, getting back to the point.  This is another thing that would never go over in a legitimate KCPD undercover operation, so once again, it’s a good thing he’s not representing KCPD at the moment.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  “It may be another screening measure for police agents.  Or perhaps he is simply tired of using with the same people all the time.”

 

“Slade is going to take a hit with me?” Sebastian asks.  After everything he’s heard already, this shouldn’t surprise him, but only the most novice dealers actually use their own product.

 

“We’ll probably all take one,” Stefano replies.

 

“And then I’ll be able to buy from him?” Sebastian asks hopefully.  Any plan that he might have been developing went off the rails several steps ago, but maybe he can steer them back toward the purpose of the investigation.

 

“In theory,” Stefano says, “but you’ll most likely be much too busy rubbing up against things…or people.”

 

“What?” Sebastian splutters.

 

Stefano laughs.  “Have I described the effects of the drug to you?”

 

“No,” Sebastian replies warily.  “Please do.”

 

“It is euphoric,” Stefano says, looking straight through Sebastian with an unfocused eye.  “You feel warm all over, and everything becomes so, so sensitive.”  He is breathing harder now.  “You need to be touched very badly, like you might die without some kind of human contact.  It comes in waves…such powerful feelings one moment and such complete relaxation the next.”  Stefano’s hand idly strokes the bedspread as he continues, “Your body is not your own, but you feel everything so intensely…”

 

Stefano stops speaking and just stares into space for a few seconds before Sebastian clears his throat, and Stefano sits up and snaps back into focus. 

 

“The first time is quite overwhelming for most people.  I wouldn’t expect to accomplish very much on this visit except perhaps to gain Slade’s trust,” Stefano offers.

 

Gaining Slade’s trust is an important objective, but Sebastian doesn’t like the idea of wasting a visit to the house on a drug trip, euphoric or otherwise.  “Is there any way to avoid taking it?” Sebastian asks, though he suspects he already knows the answer.

 

“No,” Stefano replies.  “You’d be doing it in front of him.  It’s part of his screening process.”

 

“And what exactly are they going to do to me while I’m under the influence?” Sebastian asks, because it sounds like he won’t really be in a position to make informed decisions.

 

“Nothing,” Stefano says.  “Slade and his men don’t interact in that way with each other or the guests.  It is an unwritten rule.  That is why he always has escorts available.”

 

Sebastian still has some reservations, but with no backup and none of his usual police resources at his disposal, he doesn’t have many options.  “So what exactly are you going to do to me while I’m under the influence?” he asks Stefano, only half-joking.

 

Stefano laughs.  “Anything you like.  I am told that I become very…agreeable after a hit or two.”

 

“But you don’t remember what you’ve done after you take a hit?” Sebastian presses.

 

“Not in detail,” Stefano replies.  “The drug is very disorienting.  I remember isolated moments, images, feelings.  You will see for yourself in time.”

 

“Are you going to be there the whole time?” Sebastian asks.  If he is actually going to do this, Stefano will be his only potential ally in a house full of enemies.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  He pauses, the corner of his mouth twitching again as he looks at Sebastian.  “Don’t worry.  I’ll take good care of you.”  He winks, as much as a man with one eye can be said to wink.

 

“That’s kind of what I’m afraid of,” Sebastian admits.  “How closely is Slade going to be watching?  Is he going to be able to tell that I’m not actually getting off on that?”

 

“The drug will help,” Stefano answers.  “It lowers your inhibitions, makes everything feel lovely no matter who you’re doing it with.  You’ll be fine.  And as I may have mentioned, I am quite skilled.”

 

Sebastian briefly wonders if he should warn Stefano that he hasn’t felt anything even remotely approaching sexual arousal in two and a half years.  It seems unlikely that a member of his non-preferred gender is going to be able to provoke any kind of response, no matter how skilled he may be.  The drug is an unknown quantity in this equation, but Sebastian isn’t even sure how much that will help.

 

Sebastian hasn’t tried any hard drugs, but he drinks regularly, especially since Myra left, and alcohol doesn’t seem to lower his inhibitions the way it does for some people.  It takes the edge off the pain and loneliness and renders him comfortably numb, if only temporarily, but it doesn’t send him rushing into the arms of the first reasonably attractive person he sees, and he doubts very much that this new drug will be any different.

 

Stefano is still looking at him, and everything about him exudes confidence.  It makes Sebastian wonder, just for a moment, if Stefano knows something he doesn’t, but maybe it’s just how Stefano presents himself.  Regardless, Sebastian lets the issue drop.  It is too complicated, and there is too much of his old life tied up in it, and he isn’t going to hash this out with Stefano right now.

 

“What happens after we’re done…feeling euphoric?” Sebastian asks.  “What’s our exit strategy?”

 

“You probably won’t be in any condition to drive for a few hours,” Stefano replies.  “I can drop you off at your house, or here if you prefer.  I have built up a tolerance, so I am not affected quite so strongly anymore.”

 

Sebastian nods.  This is a stupid, dangerous plan, but it’s the only one they’ve got.  Detective Castellanos would leave nothing to chance, would account for every contingency, and would have a back-up plan in place to ensure that nobody gets hurt, but he’s not Detective Castellanos right now.  At the rate he’s going, he may never be Detective Castellanos again.

 

“One other thing,” Sebastian says, surprised that he’s forgotten to ask this until now, because it’s kind of important.  “Are Slade and his guys armed?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  “Always.”

 

“And how many of them will be there?”

 

“There are usually three or four flanking him at any given time.  Riker is his right-hand man, so he will certainly be there, and then a few others.”

 

“Got it,” Sebastian replies.  He’s not surprised, because security is always a concern for drug dealers, but it certainly doesn’t help him feel more secure about going into a building with these guys.  “Anything else I should know?”

 

Stefano twists his mouth to one side, looking up at the ceiling for a moment.  He looks back at Sebastian.  “Slade has a short temper, but a big ego.  If you find yourself in trouble, try playing into that.  And…just be careful.  Slade may not be a master criminal himself, but he seems to have friends in high places.”

 

Sebastian nods.  He isn’t sure whether Stefano means that Slade has connections in KCPD or local government or something else entirely, but Sebastian isn’t planning on ruffling any feathers at this stage, so hopefully it won’t matter.  His goal is to get in and out without alerting Slade that he is anything other than a regular client.  He glances at his watch.  “See, that didn’t even take an hour.  We’ve still got twenty minutes.”

 

“Would you mind waiting out the hour with me?” Stefano asks, his voice getting a little softer.  “He will have…questions if I come back early.”

 

“No problem,” Sebastian replies.  Then, taking note of the dark circle under Stefano’s eye again, he adds, “Do you want to take a nap or something?  I’ll wake you up in twenty.”

 

Stefano’s eye narrows.  “Is this some sort of fetish of yours?”

 

Sebastian bursts out laughing before he can stop himself.  “Yeah,” he gasps, when he finally catches his breath to speak, “I’m gonna start paying you three hundred dollars an hour to get a good night’s sleep and eat a balanced breakfast, because that’s definitely what does it for me.”

 

Stefano’s face relaxes and the corner of his mouth twitches again.

 

“Seriously,” Sebastian says, “you look exhausted, but do whatever you want.”

 

Stefano does remove his shoes and lie down on the bed, and after a couple of suspicious glances in Sebastian’s direction, he turns to face the wall and goes still and quiet.  Sebastian stares at him for several minutes, but the gentle rise and fall of his chest isn’t helping Sebastian figure him out at all.

 

After a year on Vice and Narcotics, Sebastian has seen most of what Krimson City has to offer in terms of the drug and sex trade, and Stefano doesn’t fit into any of roles he’s familiar with.  Sure, Stefano has some things in common with other sex workers.  He is clearly addicted to an illegal substance, and his pimp controls him by controlling his access to that substance, but he also has a certain grace, an easy elegance about him that makes Sebastian wonder how he got into this business in the first place.

 

Stefano wouldn’t just be at home in a higher level of society; he might be at home in another country or another century, and it’s hard to imagine him living in a run-down drug house giving his body to one man after another.  Sebastian is afraid he’s going to be seeing that firsthand, if Slade’s parties are as wild as Stefano makes them sound.

 

Five minutes before the hour is up, Stefano rolls onto his back, eye open and staring at the ceiling.  “It is too hot to sleep,” he says.

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian replies.  “I tried earlier and it didn’t work for me either.”

 

Stefano is silent for a few seconds ,then rolls over to face Sebastian.  “You’ve asked a lot of questions today, Sebastian.  Do you mind if I ask you a few?”

 

The alarm bells are going off in Sebastian’s head again, because he’s not sure that establishing a pattern of quid pro quo with Stefano is a good idea.  That said, they are going to need to trust each other to some extent in order to pull off this operation, so maybe a few questions won’t hurt.

 

“Sure,” he replies.

 

“How long have you been with the police department?” Stefano asks.

 

“Almost twenty years,” Sebastian answers.  “Only been in Vice and Narcotics for the past year though.”

 

“Ah,” Stefano says, “that may explain why we haven’t met before.”  Stefano is likely right about that.  Sebastian is new enough to this squad that he hasn’t had any run-ins with Slade and his men either, which is a tremendous advantage going into the next phase of their plan.

 

“And your wife?” Stefano asks.

 

Sebastian opens his mouth to ask Stefano how he knew that Sebastian was married, but Stefano nods toward Sebastian’s left hand.  Sebastian looks down to see that of course he is still wearing his wedding band.  He looks back at Stefano.

 

“She’s…gone.  She left.”  It’s not a lie, but Sebastian isn’t willing to give Stefano any more information about Myra.  Hell, Sebastian barely has any more information about Myra himself.

 

“Any children?” Stefano asks.

 

“No,” Sebastian answers.  Then, when Stefano doesn’t speak, he adds, “We had a little girl, but she died.”  As soon as it’s out of his mouth, he wonders why he even said that, whether it was to fill the silence or because some part of him wants to talk about Lily.  For three hundred dollars an hour, he might as well just talk to a shrink.

 

“I see,” Stefano says.  Sebastian wonders about the psychology of someone who would ask about his family but then have no reaction to hearing that his wife is gone and his daughter is dead.  Come to think of it, why is Stefano so interested in his personal life in the first place?

 

Agitated, Sebastian glances at his watch.  Much to his relief, they are out of time.  “Hour’s up,” he says.

 

Stefano nods.  “I’ll just be a minute.”

 

Stefano gets up and steps into the bathroom, and Sebastian hears the water running for a few seconds.  When Stefano emerges, he is mussing up his hair, which Sebastian thinks is odd until he remembers that he and Stefano have supposedly been in here having sex for an hour.

 

As Stefano pulls on his blazer, Sebastian says, “You’ll contact me when you’ve set up an appointment with Slade?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies as he slips his shoes back on.  “Hopefully quite soon.”

 

“Anything else I can do to help with…?” Sebastian asks, gesturing toward the parking lot.  He catches a glimpse of a smile before Stefano speaks.

 

“Yes, take off your shirt, and follow me to the door.”

 

As the temperature in the room has not decreased at all, taking off his shirt sounds like a pretty good idea.  Sebastian pulls it over his head and tosses it on the bed.  Stefano looks him up and down appraisingly, then grabs his hand and pulls him to the door of the room, which he opens.

 

Sebastian isn’t exactly sure what he was expecting, but it was not for Stefano to step toward him, push him up against the doorframe, and kiss him hard on the mouth.  It’s shocking and visceral and over before Sebastian can even process what is happening.  Stefano turns away, pulls his hand out of Sebastian’s grasp, and strolls back to the black SUV without a backward glance.

 

Stefano gets in, and the SUV drives away.  Sebastian stares after it, leaning heavily on the doorframe and wondering what the hell just happened, and when did prostitutes start kissing on the mouth, and why does it feel like Stefano has sucked all of the air out of his lungs?

 

He is still wondering as he retreats into the motel room, swinging the door closed behind him, and sinks down onto the bed, which smells like Stefano.  He isn’t sure whether it’s Stefano’s shampoo or his cologne or something he washes his clothes in, but it’s an oddly comforting smell.  Sebastian closes his eyes, inhales deeply, and tries not to think about the inevitability of returning to his house.

 

His eyes pop open a few seconds later when he realizes that he has this motel room for the night.  He doesn’t have to go home.  He can stay right here in this small, dingy room with its cheap linens and malfunctioning air conditioner and vague smell of another man.  Sebastian doesn’t dwell on why all of that seems so welcoming to him at the moment.  It’s too hot to think.

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You see, Sebastian, in my house it’s not just about getting your hands on the product. It’s about the experience too, and we offer any kind of experience you can dream up. That’s our special kind of hospitality.”
> 
> Slade places a hand on Sebastian’s arm and gestures toward the door that leads farther back into the house. “After you,” he says. “I’ll show you what I mean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Noctambularis has created a lovely web comic based on a scene from this chapter that can be seen [here](http://noctambularis.tumblr.com/post/178548781591/small-bit-from-detectivesebcas-fanfic-soft-focus).

 

 

There is a knock on the door, and Sebastian jerks awake and rolls out of bed before he fully realizes what’s going on.  When his brain catches up to his body, he blinks, sees the dirty motel room and the empty bottle on the nightstand, and drops to his knees next to bed.  He bends forward, pressing the heels of his hands hard against his eyes, and fights back a sob.

 

He dreams of Myra and Lily every night, but even in his dreams he knows that Lily is dead and Myra is gone.  He knows that he doesn’t actually spend his sleeping hours with his wife and daughter, though he does squeeze every bit of enjoyment he can get out of that time when he can pretend that things are the way they should be.

 

Last night he wasn’t pretending though.  Last night he believed that they were together, that he had his old life back, and that everything was going to be alright, and the realization that it was a dream is like a knife being slowly forced into the center of his chest.  It aches, and he can’t catch his breath, and he is such a fool.

 

The knock sounds again, and the ache is replaced with heat, with anger, both at himself for buying into the dream and at whoever dares to interrupt his misery.  He glances at the clock on the night table.  It’s seven AM, too early for housekeeping, so who the fuck is so determined to get into his room?

 

He pulls on his jeans and T-shirt, crosses to the door, and yanks it open to see Stefano.  He’s about to ask him what the hell he thinks he’s doing here at this hour, but the words die on his lips, and instead he asks, “What the hell happened to you?”

 

Stefano’s hair still covers the right side of his face, but it is the other side that draws Sebastian’s attention now.  The area from his left cheek all the way up to his temple is swollen and colored a dark pink, already fading to purple in some places.

 

“It’s nothing,” Stefano says, though he can’t seem to meet Sebastian’s eye.  When Sebastian opens his mouth to protest, Stefano cuts him off.  “I brought it on myself,” he says simply.

 

Sebastian stares at him dumbly for a moment.  All of his anger has left him at the shock of seeing Stefano’s face, and now he isn’t sure what to say.  He knew going into this investigation that he was going to see some of the harsher aspects of Stefano’s lifestyle, but he still doesn’t like the idea that someone hurt him.

 

“Can I come in?” Stefano asks.

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian says, finally finding his voice again.  He takes a step back so that Stefano can enter the room.  “Are you alone this time?” he asks as he closes the door.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, perching on the edge of the bed, “and I have very little time.  No one at Slade’s house is awake at this hour, and I need to be back before they realize I am gone.”

 

Sebastian sits down in the chair.  “I’m not usually awake at this hour either, if that matters.”

 

“My apologies,” Stefano says, though he doesn’t look particularly apologetic.  “I believe I left my phone here yesterday.”

 

“Oh,” Sebastian says, “I was wondering why I didn’t get any text messages last night.”  He tries to keep his tone light, but with Joseph on shift and no communication from Stefano, it was kind of a lonely evening.

 

Stefano smiles.  “Sorry to disappoint,” he says.  “I’ll be sure to make it up to you.”

 

They spend a few minutes searching the room until Stefano locates his phone between the mattress and the bed frame, which, as far as Sebastian is concerned, isn’t the kind of place you lose your phone, but more like the kind of place you stash it when you need an excuse to come back later.

 

Sebastian isn’t sure why Stefano would need to come back here, but he has thought of a few more questions for him, so he asks, “Can I buy you some coffee or breakfast?”

 

“Coffee would be nice,” Stefano replies with a smile.  Sebastian does think it’s a little strange that Stefano no longer seems to be worried about getting back to Slade’s, but that’s Stefano’s business.

 

There is diner just down the street, and Sebastian waits until they’ve settled into a booth and the waitress has poured their coffee before he gets back to the investigation.

 

“Can I ask you a few more questions about this…meeting you’re setting up?”

 

“Yes, of course,” Stefano replies over his coffee mug.

 

“Do I need to use a different name?” Sebastian asks.

 

“No,” Stefano replies.  “He already knows you as Sebastian.  He won’t ask about your last name.  He does like to preserve a certain degree of anonymity.”

 

“Got it,” Sebastian says.  “Anything I should bring or not bring?”

 

“As much as Slade loves money,” Stefano says, “you actually should not need any on your first visit.  I recommend that you do not bring any form of ID either. The less he knows about you, the better.”

 

Sebastian nods.  “What about protection?”

 

“Absolutely not,” Stefano answers.  “If you try to enter the house armed, you will be turned away, if not executed on the spot.”

 

Sebastian can feel his face and neck flushing hot.  It’s not his first rodeo, and he knows better than to bring a gun to the house of known drug dealer.  “That’s actually not the kind of protection I was talking about,” he says, eyes fixed on the table in front of him.

 

“I see,” Stefano says, and Sebastian doesn’t need to look at him to know that he is wearing that faint, hopeful smile.  “There is no need for that either unless you prefer it.  We all have medical exams performed regularly, and we are absolutely forbidden from injecting any drugs, so it is not as risky as you might think.”

 

Engaging in any kind of sexual activity with someone who has sex for a living still qualifies as pretty risky as far as Sebastian is concerned, but he doesn’t want to insult Stefano, so he simply nods and takes a sip of his coffee.

 

Stefano politely declines all of Sebastian’s attempts to get him to eat something, so Sebastian drives him back over to Calvert Street, stopping a block away from Slade’s house and pulling over to the curb to let Stefano out.

 

“Look,” Sebastian says, because something is still bothering him.  “Did this…” He gestures to Stefano’s bruised face, which is even more apparent from this angle, “…have anything to do with the investigation?”

 

Stefano finishes smoothing his hair back into place and turns to Sebastian.  “Nothing to do with the investigation,” he replies.  He hesitates for a moment and looks like he might be about to speak again, but then shakes his head and steps out onto the sidewalk.

 

“I’ll text you,” he says to Sebastian before striding off down the street.  Sebastian stares after him, once again at a loss for words.

 

 

 

 

The rest of the day goes by in a flash of preparations and text messages.  Sebastian returns to the motel and upgrades to a double room that boasts a semi-working air conditioner.  He makes a quick stop at his house for some clothes and other items, plus his laptop and notes, but he’s not sorry at all to leave the house behind in favor of the motel room.  He may not be able to escape the memories entirely, but at least at the motel he isn’t being assaulted by them everywhere he looks.

 

He is already formulating ideas about how to approach certain topics with Slade, the questions he can ask to get the information he needs without arousing suspicion, even though tonight is probably not the time for questions.  Tonight he just needs to get in, establish himself as a run-of-the-mill drug client, and get out.

 

He is reviewing his notes when his phone announces an incoming text message.  Predictably it’s from Stefano.

 

_Can I see you tonight?_

 

He smiles, because for Stefano, this is a relatively demure way to start a conversation.

 

 _Sure, just name the time and place,_ he replies, hoping that this won’t give Stefano too much to work with in terms of innuendo.

 

 _610 Calvert Street 10pm,_ Stefano texts back.

 

Sebastian is just setting his phone aside and thinking that this texting session was relatively painless, when a new message comes in.

 

_How do you want me?_

Sebastian stares at his phone in disbelief for a few seconds before another message appears.

 

_On my knees in front of you?  Bent over the table?  Laid out on the bed for you?_

Sebastian’s heart is pounding, and he isn’t even sure why.  It is shocking to have Stefano describe these acts to him, but of course, a john would be more than happy to do any of those things.  He takes a deep breath and texts back.  _Surprise me._

 

 

 

 

 

It’s after dark when Sebastian parks on the 600 block of Calvert Street and makes his way up the sidewalk to the building marked 610.  Although the exterior is in disrepair, there are lights on in almost all of the windows.  Slade is either spending a fortune running a generator, or he’s managed to work something out with the power company to keep the electricity on in this otherwise abandoned building.

 

Sebastian glances from window to window as he approaches.  He can’t spot Slade’s sentry, but he’s sure there is one.  He definitely feels like he’s being watched.  He would feel a lot safer with his revolver on his hip, but on Stefano’s advice, it’s in the lockbox under his driver’s seat.  He climbs the steps and knocks on the door. 

 

Within a few seconds, he can hear footsteps, and the door opens to reveal a well-tanned man a couple of inches taller than Sebastian.  He has dark wavy hair, a square jaw, and muscles that are threatening to burst out of his tight black T-shirt.  Sebastian recognizes him immediately from Stefano’s sketch as Keith Lance.  Lance doesn’t say anything but looks Sebastian up and down.

 

Sebastian tries to keep his eyes trained on Lance’s face, but in his peripheral vision he catches the handgun in a concealment holster inside his black tactical pants.  It is unclear why Lance bothers with a concealment holster when his clothes are so fitted that the gun is still plainly visible.

 

“I have an appointment with Mr. Slade,” Sebastian offers after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence.  “I’m Sebastian.”

 

“Right,” Lance says with a jerky nod.  “Come in.  He’s expecting you.”

 

Sebastian steps over the threshold and follows Lance into the hallway that runs through the center of the building.  Now that he is inside, he can see that some of the interior walls have been knocked down to make a series of larger rooms, rather than the original separate apartments.  Some of the walls and certain areas of the floor look unfinished, and everything is clearly long overdue for a good cleaning, but otherwise it’s not too run-down.

 

He waits patiently while Lance conducts a quick pat down and then follows him through a door into one of the front rooms, which is lined with couches and chairs, like a sort of waiting room.  Five women and two men, who Sebastian assumes are Slade’s escorts, are watching TV or looking at their phones.  Fortunately, Sebastian doesn’t see anyone he’s arrested before.  The escorts barely look up at Lance or Sebastian, though when the other door to the room opens and Darius Slade walks in, that seems to get their attention.

 

“Welcome, Sebastian,” Slade says, crossing the room and shaking his hand so vigorously that Sebastian is afraid he might get whiplash.

 

Slade still resembles his booking photo.  He’s five foot six and stocky, with a shaved head and goatee, and, like Lance, he seems to spend a considerable amount of time on his tan.  The heavy gold necklace and half-unbuttoned dress shirt Slade wears suggest to Sebastian that he is basing his personal style on a Central American drug lord that he saw in a movie, and, knowing what he knows about Slade, Sebastian isn’t surprised.  Slade doesn’t appear to be armed, but maybe with all of his henchmen around him he doesn’t need to be.

 

“I hear you’ve met Stefano, but just let me know if you see anyone else you want to spend some quality time with.  Everything’s on me tonight,” Slade continues, gesturing to the escorts.  “There are no rules here, so whatever you want, just ask.”

 

“Good service,” Sebastian says with a smile, trying to channel the kind of sleazy asshole that he imagines would frequent a place like this, “but I’m mainly interested in your other product.  And Stefano, if he’s around.”  Sebastian is a little concerned that he hasn’t seen Stefano yet, though this is the time Stefano told him to come to the house.

 

“He’s here somewhere,” Slade says.  “But first let me show you around.”

 

Lance apparently takes this as a dismissal, because he nods once and goes back to the main hall.  Sebastian listens to his footsteps, trying to keep track of where he is in the house, but Slade’s voice interrupts his thoughts, his delivery almost theatrical.

 

“You see, Sebastian, in my house it’s not just about getting your hands on the product.  It’s about the experience too, and we offer any kind of experience you can dream up.  That’s our special kind of hospitality.”

 

He places a hand on Sebastian’s arm and gestures toward the door that leads farther back into the house.  “After you,” he says.  “I’ll show you what I mean.”

 

Sebastian enters the next room with Slade close behind him.  It is large, probably a full apartment at one point, and appears to be a sort of makeshift bar or club, though it is currently unoccupied.  Long, heavy drapes obscure the windows completely, and between the stripper pole, speakers, and lighting, it’s a pretty elaborate set-up for an abandoned building.  The only thing that separates Slade’s party room from an actual club is a license for his impressive collection of liquor and maybe a big, lumbering bouncer.

 

As if on cue, there are heavy footsteps in the room behind them.  Sebastian turns to see Riker standing in the doorway, and his pictures do not do him justice.  He blocks almost all of the light from the room behind him, so his features are a little hard to make out, but his shaved head and facial hair resemble Slade’s, though Sebastian suspects that Slade is emulating Riker rather than the other way around.  Riker also looks like he gets his medium skin tone from Hispanic heritage instead of hours spent tanning.

 

He’s built like a professional wrestler, though Sebastian is willing to bet that those muscles aren’t just for show.  His forearms, which are crossed over his chest, are heavily tattooed, and his rigid posture suggests that he is just waiting for somebody to start something.  He glares at Sebastian for a moment, and Sebastian can practically feel the anger radiating off of him.  Sebastian is now pretty damn sure he knows who hit Stefano and why.

 

Riker turns to Slade.  “Val and Jenna have a client,” he says.  His voice is hard, unsettling, as though he isn’t used to speaking.

 

“Let Jay take them,” Slade answers.  “I need you here.  Go find Stefano and meet me upstairs.”

 

“You got it, boss,” Riker says, though the inflection he puts on ‘boss’ makes Sebastian wonder how much respect he actually has for Slade.

 

Riker turns to walk away, and as he steps back into the overhead lights of the front room, Sebastian takes note of a scar on his right cheek and a tattoo on his neck, though he can’t tell what it is since it disappears beneath the collar of his black T-shirt.  The black T-shirt and black tactical pants seem to be the uniform for Slade’s employees.  Like Lance, Riker has a handgun holstered at his hip, though he makes no attempt to conceal his.

 

Sebastian turns back to Slade, who has shifted into tour-guide mode again.

 

“This is the main party room,” Slade explains unnecessarily, his voice echoing in large space.  “Not a lot going on in here tonight, but if you come back on the weekend, things get pretty wild.”

 

Sebastian merely nods and Slade directs him into the next room, which is a bit smaller and outfitted very differently.  Sebastian hasn’t seen anything like this outside of pornography.  It is all bondage gear- tables and seats and slings and restraints everywhere.  The counters that line the room are topped with dozens of items, some clearly sex toys while others look more like implements of torture.  Thankfully, no one is using any of the equipment at the moment.

 

“This is also a popular room,” Slade says, gesturing to the equipment all around him.  “Whether you want a good fuck or just need to let off a little steam, this is the place.”  Sebastian is trying his best not to look openly alarmed, but he must not be succeeding, because Slade adds, “The escorts are used to all of this; you don’t have to worry about hurting them.”

 

Sebastian nods again, because he is certainly not going to admit that this room is both intriguing and terrifying in equal parts, or that he doesn’t know how half of the stuff in here actually works.  His sex life was pretty vanilla before Lily’s death and nonexistent afterward.

 

“The rooms on the other side of the first floor are smaller,” Slade continues, “and designed to cater to those with specific tastes.  I’ll let you explore those for yourself when you come back for a party.”  He gives Sebastian a knowing smile.

 

Slade leads the way out another door that connects to the main hallway through the center of the building.  There is another staircase here, and Slade starts up it with Sebastian following close behind.  “Second floor is more party rooms,” Slade says, “plus some private bedrooms if you want one-on-one time with one of the escorts.”

 

When they reach the second floor, Slade opens a door off the main hall and beckons Sebastian into another room.  Sebastian is relieved to see that this one is basically a living room, with couches and a coffee table and a large flat screen TV.  Two men who must be Young and Murphy are sitting on the couch and appear to be arguing about a boxing match playing on the TV.  They are both wearing the black T-shirt and black tactical pants that Slade seems to favor.

 

Young is as Stefano described him, roughly Sebastian’s height, though muscular like Lance, and he wears his blonde hair short.  His face is too narrow for his bulky frame, but his high cheekbones and piercing blue eyes could be on the cover of a magazine.  There is an expensive-looking watch on his wrist and a bulge at the right side of his waistband that tells Sebastian he is armed.

 

Murphy is considerably older than the other men, probably at least forty, while Slade and the others are in their mid twenties.  He looks like he was athletic once, but now his bulk is more fat than muscle, making it difficult for Sebastian to tell if he has a weapon on him.  He is clean-shaven, with dark skin and close-cropped hair that is starting to go grey.

 

Young and Murphy fall silent as soon as Slade enters the room.  Slade waves a hand impatiently at them, and they get up and move to the wall opposite the door, where a box fan set up in the window is making feeble attempts to circulate the muggy air.

 

While they sort themselves out, Sebastian is trying to figure out how the group dynamic works.  Based entirely on first impressions, Slade, Lance, and Young are typical gangbangers, wannabe thugs trying to make a reputation for themselves.  That’s not unusual for men their age, and often even younger, but it is kind of weird that they’ve managed to support themselves and avoid law enforcement for so long when they clearly don’t have a clue what they’re doing.

 

Murphy is old enough to know better than to get involved in something like this, and Sebastian can only guess that he’s in it for the money, which means that Slade’s operation must be more lucrative than it appears at first glance.  Riker is something else entirely and probably the most dangerous one in the group.  Sebastian isn’t sure what he is getting from Slade that motivates him to stick around, but since Riker is already ill-disposed toward him, Sebastian is going to do his best to stay out of his way.

 

Slade mutes the TV and sits down on the black leather couch, gesturing to Sebastian to join him.  “Make yourself comfortable,” he says.  “At least until Stefano gets here to make you more comfortable.”

 

Sebastian approaches the couch, trying to ignore the little flutter of nerves in his stomach.  It catches him off-guard, because he’s never felt nervous doing undercover work before.  Sometimes he gets a rush of excitement when an operation is nearing its climax, but never this uncomfortable queasy feeling.  Of course, he usually has ample back-up and isn’t being faced with the prospect of having semi-public sex with a man.

 

He takes a seat a few feet away from Slade, and his hesitation must be obvious, because Slade says, “Don’t worry.  Stefano will get you nice and relaxed before you know it.  He’s great with the first timers.”

 

Slade has no idea how much of a first timer Sebastian really is, and Sebastian certainly isn’t going to tell him.  Just then, Stefano walks through the door, followed by Riker.  His stride is as graceful as ever but his eye is downcast, and the bruise on his face is now a livid purple.

 

“There he is,” Slade says, and the satisfaction in his voice is audible.  “I know he’s not much to look at, but he has an amazing mouth and the tightest ass you could want.”  He gives Sebastian a sideways glance.  “Guess I don’t have to tell you that.”

 

Something locks up in Sebastian’s chest at hearing Stefano described like a piece of meat, the queasy feeling morphing into anger, but he forces it back down, forces himself to smile and reply, “No, you don’t.”  He wishes Slade would stop telling him.  He just wants to get the drug sample and get out, so he tries to steer Slade back in that direction.  “What can you tell me about your other product?”

 

“Oh, I have some pretty good stories about that,” Slade says, giving Sebastian a sly smile.  “But it’s easier to show you.”  He turns to Riker.  “Riker, go and get a case of the product- the good stuff.”

 

Riker leaves the room, and Slade turns back to Sebastian.  “While we’re waiting, why not let Stefano put you at ease?”

 

Sebastian’s mind is reeling.  It’s not just the prospect of having sex with Stefano; it’s the whole ‘experience’ as Slade puts it- the house, the bondage room, the stable of escorts who will deny Slade’s clients nothing, the realization that Stefano and the others are less like entrepreneurs and more like slaves.  Any prostitute who works for a pimp gives up some of their freedom, but this is something else, and Sebastian isn’t sure that he wants any part of it, which is why he deviates from the plan.  “Maybe later,” he replies.

 

“Well then,” Slade says, “I’ll show you something truly unique.  Come here, Stefano.”  He beckons to Stefano, indicating the floor in front of him.  Stefano approaches and kneels obediently at his feet.  Sebastian realizes too late that if he has offended Slade, Slade is going to take it out on Stefano rather than him.

 

Slade takes a handful of Stefano’s hair, lifting it up and exposing the right side of Stefano’s face.  The area around his right eye socket is heavily scarred, and his eye is missing entirely.  There is a small gap, but most of his eye socket is filled with the pink membrane that would normally be around his eye.  Sebastian thinks idly that, with a face like that, Stefano must have some exceptional skills if he is able to make a living selling his body.

 

“I know it looks like a mess,” Slade says almost apologetically, “but it’s still warm and wet in there, and so fucking tight.”

 

Sebastian is utterly speechless as he watches Slade trace the edge of Stefano’s eye socket with his finger.  What Slade is suggesting is sick and horrible and would probably cause brain damage, and Sebastian can’t even begin to process it.

 

“Here, I’ll show you what I mean,” Slade says, releasing Stefano’s hair to unzip his own pants.  Sebastian’s brain works frantically, trying to come up with a way to stop this from happening, but he can only watch dumbly as Slade, who apparently has no qualms about public nudity, pulls out his dick and gives it a few pumps.  He lifts up Stefano’s hair again, lines the tip of his dick up with Stefano’s eye socket, and starts to push his hips forward.  Stefano keeps his head in place, but his whole body goes rigid.

 

“Hold on!” Sebastian blurts.  In that moment, he doesn’t even care if he blows their cover entirely.  He is not going to stand by and watch this.

 

Slade looks at him with curiosity in his eyes.  “What’s the matter?”

 

“I…”  Sebastian fumbles for a reason that still fits in with his sleazy asshole persona.  “…I think I’m ready to try him out myself.”

 

“He’s all yours,” Slade says, taking a step back from Stefano and tucking himself back into his pants.  Stefano’s shoulders sag in what Sebastian interprets as relief before Slade gives him a shove in Sebastian’s direction.  “Get to work,” he says under his breath.  He sits back down on the couch and turns to Sebastian with a smile that is more of a leer.  “You won’t regret it.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Noctambularis has created a lovely web comic based on a scene from this chapter that can be seen [here](http://noctambularis.tumblr.com/post/178548781591/small-bit-from-detectivesebcas-fanfic-soft-focus).


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian’s head is spinning, and it is much too hot in here. The coffee table is smooth and cool under his hands, much cooler than the stagnant air around him. He wants to press his face to it, to let it soothed his heated skin, but when he looks up Stefano is staring at him across the table, eye wide and mouth slightly open. Stefano reaches across and when his fingers brush the back of Sebastian’s hand it feels like an electric shock, lights up every nerve in his body, and he has to feel it again. His hand closes around Stefano’s wrist and he pulls him forward into the void.

 

 

Stefano shuffles over to Sebastian on his knees, and to see him so subservient, so obviously ashamed of what he has been reduced to when Sebastian also knows his proud, self-assured side, almost turns Sebastian’s stomach.  Of course, that could also be the hint of nausea that remains from when Slade was trying to penetrate Stefano’s eye socket.  Sebastian has never felt less turned-on in his life, and he has no idea how he is supposed to perform under these conditions, so he looks to Stefano for help, although the sight of his bruised face isn’t really helping to set the mood either.

 

Stefano’s hands are on his knees, easing his legs apart so that he can move in close.  “What would you have me do?” he asks, gazing placidly at Sebastian.

 

“Suck me off,” Sebastian says, his voice coming out surprisingly steady all things considered.  It seems like oral sex will give them the best chance of hiding the fact that Sebastian isn’t going to be able to get it up.

 

“Yes, sir,” Stefano replies with a nod and sets to work unfastening Sebastian’s pants and freeing his soft cock from his pants and underwear.  Slade is looking at his phone now, which is a relief, because they need him not to be attentive at this moment.

 

He expects Stefano to take his cock in his mouth right away and make a show of it, but when Stefano bows his head, all Sebastian feels at first are Stefano’s warm breaths over his heated flesh and small, delicate licks all around the head of his cock.  The feeling is strange and a little ticklish.  Sebastian’s first instinct is to jerk away from it, but he forces himself to hold still, every muscle taut under his skin.

 

Stefano gives his thighs a firm squeeze.  “Relax,” he murmurs between licks, so softly that Sebastian is sure that Slade and the others can’t hear him.

 

He wants to tell Stefano to just get on with it, that he isn’t going to be able to relax, much less actually get hard from this, but Stefano’s face is buried in his lap, and Stefano’s tongue is bathing his cock, and it would probably be rude to interrupt Stefano when he’s so hard at work.

 

Sebastian glances across the room.  Slade is still on his phone, but Young is slouched against the wall, staring at Sebastian the same way he was watching the boxing match a few moments ago.  Murphy just looks bored.

 

Unfortunately now that he knows he is being watched, Sebastian is having an even harder time focusing on anything other than that fact.  He can feel their eyes on him even when he looks away, and there is a creeping unease in his belly that merges with the feather-light stimulation of his cock to make him tense up again.

 

Stefano pauses and lifts his head.  His hands come to rest in Sebastian’s lap, folded over his cock to protect it from prying eyes.  “Sebastian,” he murmurs, and Sebastian has to lean forward a little to hear him.  “Close your eyes.”

 

It goes against every instinct in Sebastian’s body to close his eyes in a room full of enemies, but he knew going into this that he would have to trust Stefano, at least to some degree, and he supposes it might help him focus to block out everything else.  He closes his eyes and lets his head rest on the back of the couch.

 

Then Stefano’s lips are on his cock again, pressing a kiss to the head before his tongue flicks out to tease the sensitive skin.  Sebastian’s mind is racing as he tries to use his other senses to detect potential danger.  He can hear the hum of the fan and someone walking on one of the upper floors.  He can feel the couch shift as Slade changes position, but more than that, he can feel Stefano’s tongue, warm and wet and tickling his cock in short bursts.

 

Stefano is giving him just enough stimulation that he feels a little disappointed each time Stefano’s tongue retreats, and he has to admit that it feels kind of nice.  Sebastian takes a deep breath, then exhales, trying to blow all of the tension out of his body and all of the hang-ups about sex with men out of his mind.  It’s just a mouth on his cock after all; it shouldn’t matter who it belongs to.

 

This isn’t about sex anyway.  It’s an undercover operation.  He just needs to hold out long enough to make the buy, long enough to get a sample, or more realistically, long enough to gain Slade’s trust and get an invitation to one of his parties.

 

He tries to shut everything else out, to stay focused on those objectives, but Stefano’s licks are getting longer and firmer.  In spite of himself, Sebastian finds that he is pressing his back against the couch and tilting his hips up toward Stefano’s face, or more accurately toward Stefano’s tongue, which is so perfectly slick as it insistently probes all of the sensitive places on his cock.  It’s only because no one has paid him this kind of attention in a long time, he tells himself.  He is just so desperate for meaningful, intimate contact with another person that he is responding to Stefano of all people in the middle of an undercover operation.

 

But there is no denying that he is responding.  Every stroke of Stefano’s tongue is a pleasurable tingle curling at the base of his spine, and every stroke makes him burn hotter, makes him want more.  Until he is struggling to remember why they are here in the first place and what he is supposed to be doing.

 

When Stefano backs off for a moment, switching to the soft, gentle licks, it is all Sebastian can do not to groan in frustration, because for the first time in years, someone’s mouth is on his cock, and he is growing hard, and he feels like he may actually be getting somewhere.  His hands grasp the couch cushions as he lets his legs spread a little more, tries to breathe through the little flicks of Stefano’s tongue that are driving him fucking crazy.

 

Through the haze of pleasure, Sebastian is vaguely aware that Riker has returned to the room and is laying out a briefcase on the coffee table in front of Slade, but that doesn’t matter, because the only thing that matters right at this moment is that Stefano is finally taking his cock fully into his mouth, and Stefano’s mouth is warm and slick and stimulating him from all angles.

 

He lets his head fall back again, digs his fingers into the cushions, and just holds on as Stefano takes him in deep, lets his cock touch the back of his throat before pulling off of it slowly.  He drags his lips and tongue up Sebastian’s cock, hitting every sensitive place along the way, and Sebastian can’t suppress a small moan.

 

He should be more self-conscious.  He is in a room with four other men, probably four extremely dangerous men, but Stefano’s mouth is sliding back down his cock, and all he can think about is how fucking amazing it feels to be handled so expertly.  Stefano is a professional of course, so it stands to reason that he would be so skilled, so attuned to the art of pleasure that no one, not even Sebastian, who is so tired and broken-down and definitely not interested in men, could resist.

 

One of Stefano’s hands works its way inside his pants and underwear and wraps around his balls, lightly squeezing and massaging them as best he can in such a confined space.  Sebastian sighs deeply, because somehow that kind of touch makes everything seem more personal, more intimate, and he can’t figure out what exactly he thinks about that.

 

Luckily, he doesn’t have to think about it much, because just then, Stefano is taking him in so deep, actually taking his cock into his throat, and Sebastian can feel Stefano contracting all around him, and his cock is surrounded by wet, squeezing warmth.  Stefano’s throat grasps him tightly, pulses around him, and there is so much pressure, such an overload of sensation, that Sebastian is arching up against Stefano’s face and coming down his throat before he even realizes what’s happening.

 

He is left gasping for breath, one hand still clutching the couch and the other inexplicably on Stefano’s head.  He is about to apologize, because he prides himself on being a considerate lover and grabbing someone’s head while they are sucking him off is definitely out of line, but then he remembers where he is and what he is doing, and Stefano has surely experienced a lot worse.  He lifts his hand from Stefano’s head, sits back, and takes a few deep breaths as Stefano releases his cock and deftly tucks him back into his pants and underwear, fastening everything up again in record time.

 

“Well done, Stefano,” Slade says, reaching over to pat Stefano on the head as he speaks.  The gesture makes Sebastian’s stomach turn again.  “I think you deserve a reward.”

 

Slade gestures to the coffee table behind Stefano, where one of his men has laid out several lines of cocaine, or cocaine mixed with whatever else it is that they are supposed to be investigating.  Stefano turns abruptly, still on his knees, and Sebastian can see him zero in on the nearest line of white powder, see him go rigid again as he looks over his shoulder at Slade, a blend of uncertainty and desire on his face.

 

“Go ahead,” Slade says.  “You’ve earned it.”

 

Stefano’s hands are shaking as he takes the short straw that is lying on the table.  He leans over and snorts the line in a practiced motion.   Sebastian watches as he places both hands on the surface of the table and lets his head fall forward, all of the tension going out of his body.

 

“That’s good stuff,” Slade says, turning to Sebastian.  “Makes him so easy.  One more line like that, and he’ll be a perfect little slut.”

 

“And will I be able to get some of that for myself?” Sebastian asks, finally snapping out of his post-orgasmic daze and focusing in on Slade.

 

“Let’s do one together,” Slade says with a shrug.  “Surely you want to test the quality before you commit.”

 

Even knowing that this was likely to happen didn’t fully prepare Sebastian for the feeling of staring down the lines of cocaine on the tabletop.  Sebastian has spent his whole life on the right side of the law, and he wouldn’t be deviating from that path without a very good reason, but Myra and Kate Mellor and Sandra Paxton and all of those other dead prostitutes and addicts are a damn good reason, so he joins Stefano, Slade, Riker, Young, and Murphy, who are already getting into position kneeling around the coffee table.

 

Sebastian has never done this before, but he’s spent enough time undercover in drug houses to make it look smooth, so he takes the straw and looks around the table to see everyone else doing the same.  Sebastian gives himself one more reminder of why he is doing this, and before he can change his mind, he leans over and snorts the line with what he hopes is enough confidence to make it look as though it’s not his first time.

 

He instantly feels dizzy and warm all over and like he needs to do something with his hands right now.  He grips the edge of the table as Slade and some of his guys laugh and whoop and Stefano leans forward and rests his chest on the table.

 

“That’s right,” Slade says as he runs his hand from between Stefano’s shoulders down his back and over his ass.  Sebastian catches a glimpse of Riker leering at Stefano, but then the floor lurches under him and everything goes into snapshots.

 

 

 

Sebastian’s head is spinning, and it is much too hot in here.  The coffee table is smooth and cool under his hands, much cooler than the stagnant air around him.  He wants to press his face to it, to let it soothed his heated skin, but when he looks up Stefano is staring at him across the table, eye wide and mouth slightly open.  Stefano reaches across and when his fingers brush the back of Sebastian’s hand it feels like an electric shock, lights up every nerve in his body, and he has to feel it again.  His hand closes around Stefano’s wrist and he pulls him forward into the void.

 

 

 

The ceiling is stained and dirty and much farther away than it was a few minutes ago.  The floor is hard under Sebastian’s back and there is a warm, comfortable weight pressing down on him.  He tilts his head down to see that Stefano is practically in his lap, rubbing his body shamelessly against Sebastian’s, and everywhere Stefano is touching him tingles and burns and it is so, so good.

 

“Touch me, Sebastian,” Stefano purrs in his ear, and Sebastian can’t think of any reason why he shouldn’t do just that.  His hands come to rest on Stefano’s waist, and he can feel every thread of the material of his blazer, can feel every point of contact between them as Stefano shifts in his lap.  He pulls Stefano tightly against him, trying to capture that heat, that burn, and Stefano moans in his ear, and Sebastian feels something that is suspiciously like arousal.

 

 

 

Sebastian is lying on his side on the floor, his legs tangled with Stefano’s.  Stefano’s face is inches from his, and Sebastian reaches out to touch it, then stops when realizes how much of it is scarred or bruised or damaged.

 

“It’s alright,” Stefano murmurs to him.  “Do whatever you like, just don’t be too rough.”

 

Sebastian nods, because of course he would never be rough with Stefano.  He reaches out to trace the edge of the scar tissue around Stefano’s right eye with his thumb.  Stefano draws his breath in sharply, and squeezes Sebastian’s hip, but Sebastian is lost in the ridges and valleys of Stefano’s face.  If he could only map them out better with his fingers, he could find his way back home, could cool the burning in his hands, so he follows them silently, his tough feather-light and his ears filled with Stefano’s gasps and whines.  He never does find out where they lead.

 

 

 

There is talking and laughter around him, but he can’t break it down into words, only a blur of noise.  Sebastian is watching the inside of his eyelids, but he can still see everything.  Riker and Young have Stefano laid out on the coffee table.  As they strip him naked, Stefano is writhing and moaning and running his hands up and down his own body until Riker seizes his hands and pins them above his head.  Stefano turns to Sebastian, silently mouthing his name.

 

 

 

The room is full of grunts and moans and the smell of sex.  Where did all of these people come from?  Half-dressed men and women move and twist and press against each other.  Sebastian’s whole body feels hot, his clothes much too constricting.  He pulls himself up onto the couch and sits down, tugging at the collar of his shirt as he attempts to get some air.

 

 

 

He is suffocating, he is dizzy, and his head is spinning again.  Stefano is back in his lap, utterly naked, and the heat is radiating from his body.  Stefano presses up against him, hiding his face in Sebastian’s neck as he murmurs, “Please, Sebastian”.  Every warm breath against Sebastian’s skin is magnified one hundred times; every whimper echoes in his ears; every touch threatens to burn him alive.

 

His vision is shrinking down to a tiny point of light.  “Please.”  The breath on his ear feels like a rush of wind.  “I’m so empty without you.”

 

 

 

Someone is touching him, rubbing him through his pants and underwear in that warm, exciting place, and it feels good.  Why don’t things feel good for him anymore?  He gasps, tries to move his arms, but they feel sluggish, like they are asleep.

 

 

 

There is bare skin under his hands, velvety soft and trembling as his fingers brush over it.  His face is buried in someone’s hair.  It tickles his nose and smells familiar, safe.  He closes his eyes, because the room is spinning around him and it’s starting to make him feel ill.  In the dark, he can focus on the comfortable smells, the pressure in his lap, the way his body is being manipulated by this unknown force of warmth and pleasure.

 

 

 

Stefano goes rigid against him, and the room goes cold.  Sebastian’s eyes fly open, and everything changes because Riker is standing over him with a gun in his hand.  The overhead lights are blindingly bright, and Riker is a dark shape in front of him, and the barrel of the gun is against the back of Stefano’s head.

 

Sebastian can’t say that he is sober- far from it-, but the adrenaline hits him hard, and he is suddenly very aware of where he is and who he is with.

 

“Turn around.”  Riker’s voice is low and dangerous, and seems to reverberate all around Sebastian.  His heart is beating so violently that he can hear the blood pounding in his veins, that the room around him seems to pulse in time.  His head feels heavy.  His arms feel heavy.  Stefano shifts around so that he is facing Riker, still sitting on Sebastian’s lap.

 

Time seems to lurch forward as Riker steps toward him, leans over them both.  A nasty smirk crosses his face, and he moves the gun down Stefano’s body and between his legs before shoving it roughly forward.  Stefano yelps, his body jerking against Sebastian’s.

 

Sebastian can’t see the gun anymore, but he can see Riker’s hand moving, can feel Stefano struggling against him.  His own body is limp, unresponsive, and all he can think is that if Riker pulls that trigger he is going to critically wound both of them.  The rushing in Sebastian’s ears gets even louder, and his head lolls back onto the couch.

 

 

 

Stefano is whimpering, soft sounds of pain and fear that make something lock up inside Sebastian’s chest.  Sebastian tries to open his eyes, but the light is blinding, and he closes them again, seeking relief in the darkness.  There is a cold feeling in the pit of his stomach.

 

 

 

There are a hundred hands reaching out for him in the dark.  He wants to move away, wants to resist, but his limbs are so heavy, and the hands are everywhere.  They pet and fondle and squeeze and grope, and they are cold, dead things.  There is bile rising up in Sebastian’s throat, and the blood is pounding in his ears.

 

“You like that?” Riker’s voice breaks through the sound of Sebastian’s own heart.   It echoes in his head like a bullet ricocheting off the sidewalk.  “You like that cold, hard steel inside you?  Bet you’d rather have my cock.”

 

Sebastian’s eyes fly open as Riker makes a hard, fast movement.  Stefano outright screams and tries to jerk away again, and apparently that is enough to get Slade’s attention.

 

“Jesus Christ, Riker!” he snaps.  “What the fuck are you doing?  Put that away!”

 

The gun goes back in the holster, and Stefano goes limp against Sebastian, breathing hard, his whole body shaking.  There is a moment of calm, and Sebastian feels like he might float away, has to anchor himself to Stefano, who is so warm and solid on top of him.

 

 

 

Sebastian is at the bottom of a deep well, and someone is shining a flashlight down at him.

 

“Batch 40…”  Slade’s voice slides into the edge of Sebastian’s consciousness.

 

The next voice is male, with a noticeable accent, though Sebastian can’t place it.  He only catches fragments of the conversation, things like: “administered by insufflation,” and “adjustments to dosage,” and “more advanced sedative effects.”

 

Then the light is gone, and the well is pitch black again, and Sebastian wants to climb out of it, but his arms and legs refuse to move.

 

 

 

The fan is whirring in the window, and the air circulates lazily through Sebastian’s brain.  Someone is shaking him hard, and Sebastian opens his eyes to see Riker’s hand on his shoulder.  Riker is saying words, probably a question based on the way he seems to be waiting for Sebastian to say something.  He repeats himself a few times, shaking Sebastian again.

 

Sebastian wants to tell him to go to hell, because he wants no part in whatever is going on here, but his lips and tongue feel loose, disorganized in his mouth, and even when he manages to force out some kind of sound, he isn’t making any more sense than Riker.

 

 

 

Sebastian is right-side up and the couch is still under him, but the rest of the room is lying on its side, and he is going to fall.  They are all going to fall.  Sebastian wants to tell someone about this, but when he opens his mouth, all that comes out is a string of disorganized noises, and he is suddenly gripped by a cold, twisting fear in the pit of his stomach.

 

Then Stefano’s face is buried in his neck.  “It’s going to be alright,” he murmurs.  “Stay with me, Sebastian.  Hold me.”

 

 

 

The room tilts even farther, rearranges itself, and Sebastian blinks in confusion.  The couch cushions are soft behind him, and Stefano’s back is pressed to his chest.  His hands are behind Stefano’s knees, drawing his legs up as Riker pounds into him.  Sebastian’s nerve endings are working overtime, and he is so in tune with Stefano’s body that he can feel every muscle spasm, every twitch.  Stefano moans, and Sebastian feels it in his whole body, feels Stefano, so warm and heavy in his lap.  It’s a beautiful sound, and Sebastian wants to hear it again, but the next noise Stefano makes is more of a sob.

 

 

 

Myra is crying, her tears soaking into the front of his shirt as he holds her close.  He can count on one hand the number of times he’s seen her cry in the entire time he’s known her and this feels so wrong, so unlike Myra, but he can’t let go of her.  They are in a vast, dark space, and to let go of her now would be to lose her forever.  She lifts her head, looks up at him, and the tears that stream down her face are stained black with soot.  “Stop,” she whispers.

 

 

 

Stefano is struggling against him, begging for more, begging Riker to stop, begging Sebastian to make it stop, but Sebastian can’t move, can’t even speak.  He feels sick, feels dizzy, wants to look away, but the cold feeling in his stomach is back, and the room is going dark all around him.

 

 

 

“It’s alright, Sebastian,” Myra soothes, placing a finger to his lips.  “Nothing to be afraid of.”  Her voice sounds strange, but she is pressing him back onto the pillows and leaning in to kiss him.  Sebastian’s eyes dart around the room.  It’s their bedroom at home, except not quite, like someone has moved all of the furniture a few inches, or turned the pictures on the wall to be just a little crooked.  It’s wrong, and this is wrong.

 

“Myra,” he whispers against her lips, but she is gone.

 

 

 

Sebastian can hear Stefano’s gasps and whines before he even opens his eyes.  Stefano’s arms are thrown up behind him, wrapped loosely around Sebastian’s shoulders.  There is a different man fucking him now, and Sebastian can’t remember his name.  Sebastian’s head swims, and he doesn’t want to be here anymore, doesn’t want to see this man’s face contorted in pleasure as he slams into Stefano, doesn’t want to hear the slap of skin on skin, doesn’t want to feel the pressure on his own cock as Stefano’s body moves against his lap.  The cold feeling is spreading.

 

 

 

He is clutching Lily to his chest, her body cold and limp in his arms.  “It’s okay, baby,” he whispers.  “You’re going to be alright.”  She will be alright.  She has to be.  But even as he speaks the words, the acrid, burning smell is filling his nostrils, and she is falling, breaking apart in his arms into ash that is blown away by a great wind.  Her scream splits the air, and Sebastian’s eyes snap open.

 

 

 

Slade leans over, jostling the woman who is riding him, and claps a hand over Stefano’s mouth.  When he lifts it a moment later, Stefano sobs, “More, I need more.”

 

Slade shakes his head, and Stefano turns his face into Sebastian’s neck as a third man continues to fuck him, and Sebastian feels cold and sick, his stomach twisting in on itself because something bad is happening.

 

 

 

The room is spinning again, and Sebastian is in motion, leaning heavily on someone as he tries to move his feet in some coordinated way, stumbling as he realizes that he is on a staircase.  He closes his eyes to steady himself, and the world turns over completely.

 

 

 

Sebastian rolls over in bed, finding himself pressed up against Myra’s back.  He buries his face in her neck and inhales deeply as his hand runs up her side, and she is all warm, smooth skin.  He can feel her breath catch as he kisses her shoulder, can feel her sigh and stretch and start to respond to his kisses and touches in a way she hasn’t for so long, can feel her press back against him, then turn over in his arms.

 

“I’m sorry,” a voice murmurs in his ear as a hand strokes his hair.  “I had no choice.”  There are a few more whispered words, a few more gentle touches, and then nothing.

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian sits up, letting the covers slide off of him as he swings his legs over the side of the bed. His head throbs in protest, but his stomach is mercifully still, and he rests his head in his hands for a moment, hoping the pain will pass and wondering why he is only wearing his boxer-briefs.
> 
> One thing is for sure- Sebastian has no idea what the hell kind of drug that was or why anyone would use it recreationally. He tries to think back to last night, but aside from a few isolated moments when Stefano was rubbing up against him, what he felt the most was helpless. Not being able to move or speak or understand what was going on around him was frightening, and Sebastian wonders how much Slade’s mixture has in common with a date rape drug.

 

 

The sunlight streaming in through the gap in the curtains stabs Sebastian right in the eyes with a hot, blinding flash of pain.  His mouth is dry, and his pulse is racing, and there is way too much saliva in his mouth, and he is about to be sick.

 

“Here,” a voice says, as someone grabs his shoulder, guides him to lean over the side of the bed, and places a trash can below his face.  It’s not a moment too soon, because in the next second his stomach is contracting and vomit is burning his throat and his mouth and his nose.  Wave after wave of nausea rolls over him, and he can do nothing but ride it out, breathe in between the violent heaving of his guts, and try not to choke.

 

When it is finally over, there is a cup of water being pressed into his hand, and he looks up to see Stefano standing next to the bed in the motel room he doesn’t remember coming back to.  “Thanks,” he croaks before taking a sip.  He swishes the water around in his mouth before he spits it out in the trash can.  He is not brave enough to try to swallow anything yet.

 

Sebastian scoots back onto the bed, lying on his side with his knees drawn up almost to his chest.  His whole body is shaking, and there is a cold sweat forming at the small of his back.  Stefano takes the trash can and goes into the bathroom, and a moment later, Sebastian hears the toilet flush.  After a few seconds, Stefano returns and sits down on the other bed, which, Sebastian notes with some interest, is still perfectly made.

 

“How are you feeling?” Stefano asks.

 

“Fucking awful,” Sebastian answers truthfully.  He may be new to drugs, but he’s had plenty of alcohol-related hangovers, and this seems to be an especially bad version of one of those.

 

“It can be hard on your system the first time,” Stefano replies, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees.  Sebastian has to turn that statement over in his mind a few times before he realizes what Stefano is talking about, remembers that he went to Slade’s and got a blow job from Stefano and took a hit of cocaine.  Unfortunately, that’s about all he remembers.

 

“What the hell happened last night?” Sebastian asks.  “Did we get a sample?”

 

Stefano shakes his head.  “No,” he replies.  “Though you did sample the product yourself.”

 

“Fuck,” groans Sebastian, rubbing at his eyes.  “Yeah, I can tell.”  He pauses, because there are images and sounds and feelings teasing the edges of his consciousness like half-remembered dreams.  “Did I…?  Did we…?”

 

“More or less,” Stefano answers.  Sebastian doesn’t know why he’s being vague or who he may be trying to protect, but he needs to know more.  A debrief is critical after any major step in an investigation.

 

“Can you tell me what exactly you remember?” Sebastian presses.

 

“Well,” Stefano begins, “I remember performing fellatio on you.  That was before the drugs though.”

 

If Sebastian wasn’t trying so hard to will the room to stop spinning, he might laugh at Stefano’s use of ‘fellatio’ again.  He does remember Stefano’s head in his lap, Stefano’s lips and tongue and throat doing unspeakable things to him as he clung to the couch for dear life and his skin burned hot.

 

In the next moment, he rejects that- it wasn’t Stefano who was doing those things to him.  It was a mouth on his cock, and he can’t help his physiological response to that kind of stimulation.  Any man in his position would have responded the same way, especially under the attentions of such a skilled mouth. 

 

Besides, he certainly wasn’t enjoying himself because he distinctly recalls the stress of having to perform, and the watchful eyes of Slade and his men, and the creeping feeling of nausea that came from…

 

“What about right before that?” he asks.  “When Slade was trying to…?”  He doesn’t want to tell Stefano what Slade was trying to do, doesn’t want to have to put something that awful into words, but he needs to hear from Stefano that it was just a show for him, just Slade trying to get him to play along.  “Was that…are you okay?”

 

“Yes, of course,” Stefano says, smoothing his hair over his right eye.  “That is nothing to worry about.  Slade does it from time to time, and a few clients have tried it.”  He pauses.  “It is…unpleasant, but so is much of my job.”

 

Sebastian suppresses an involuntary shudder at the memory.  Stefano’s attempts to reassure him mean less and less as he learns more about what Stefano considers acceptable in the course of his employment with Slade.  He is starting to wonder whether he even wants to hear about the rest of the night.  “What about after the drugs?” he asks.

 

“Then things become a bit murky even for me,” Stefano explains.  “One does build up a tolerance through repeated use, but it can still be very disorienting.”

 

“I think you were naked,” Sebastian offers, because Stefano’s skin burning under his palm is one of his strongest impressions of the night.

 

“Oh, I don’t doubt that,” Stefano says, sitting back on the bed and crossing one leg over the other.  “I am usually quite busy when Slade is entertaining guests.  I am sure you experienced the effects of the drug to some degree.”  He pauses, and Sebastian nods.  “Feelings of warmth, tingling, hypersensitivity to touch, increased sexual arousal?”

 

Sebastian has to think about that one for a moment, because even though he remembers moments of pleasure or other enjoyable sensations, he has a nagging feeling that it was a bad night.  “I’m not sure,” he answers finally.  “I think it was nice at times, but I felt very out of control.  I can’t remember much at all.”

 

Stefano nods.  “I think you were affected more strongly than some, or perhaps there was something wrong with that batch.  It will be better next time.”

 

“Who says there’s going to be a next time?” Sebastian asks.  The more he thinks about last night, the more he remembers feeling vulnerable, even afraid at times.

 

“You do, if you are so determined to get your sample,” Stefano replies.

 

Sebastian groans and turns his face into the pillow.  His voice is muffled when he asks, “So what’s our next move?”

 

“Assuming that Slade is still kindly disposed toward you,” Stefano says, “he will invite you to one of his house parties.”

 

Sebastian lifts his head, looking back at Stefano.  “Do you think he will?  I mean, I can’t remember details, but I just have this feeling that something went very wrong last night.”

 

“Nonsense, Sebastian,” Stefano says, his voice soft around the edges in a way that relaxes Sebastian, makes his head drop back down to rest on the pillow.  “You did very well.  You are just feeling disoriented because of the drug- a new experience, but one you’ll get used to.”

 

Sebastian doesn’t think he wants to get used to this kind of experience, and he is pretty sure that Stefano knows more than he is sharing at the moment.  He tries framing his next question in a different way.

 

“Did I do anything to you last night that was unpleasant?” Sebastian asks.  If Stefano can use ‘unpleasant’ to describe acts of violence and nonconsensual sex, then so can Sebastian.

 

“No,” Stefano answers readily.  “You were thoroughly pleasant to me.”  He gives Sebastian a little smile that Sebastian ignores in favor of his next question.

 

“Did I do anything to you at all?  After we took that hit, I mean.”

 

Stefano looks at the ceiling for a moment, then back at Sebastian.  “I don’t think you coupled with me, if that is what you are asking.  I remember sitting with you, feeling the warmth coming off of your body even through your clothes.  I remember the smell of you all around me.”  A little shiver runs through his body.  “I remember you holding me while Riker and Young and Lance took their turns, but I don’t recall you taking one yourself.”

 

“Was I…restraining you?” Sebastian asks, because Stefano’s words are bringing back more memories, more snapshots from last night.  He has the sinking feeling that he has participated in what was basically a gang rape, and his stomach flips over as he adds, “I think there were times when you were struggling.”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  “I mean, no.”  He shakes his head.  “What I mean to say is that, yes, you were probably restraining me, but that it is sometimes necessary.”

 

“I don’t understand,” Sebastian says flatly, because Stefano’s words aren’t making him feel any better, and the cold feeling from last night is creeping back into him.

 

“I sometimes become…confused after I take a hit.  I sometimes forget my duties.”  Stefano looks down at his feet.  “Sometimes Slade’s men can be quite violent in ensuring my cooperation, so you may have saved me from something far worse.”

 

“But did you want to do those things?” Sebastian presses, because he now remembers Stefano struggling, remembers the little noises of pain and fear, remembers the faces of Riker and the other men who fucked Stefano so viciously.  “Did you want those men to fuck you?”

 

Stefano sighs.  “Sebastian, what I want is irrelevant.  I need a steady supply.  What you observed is how I earn my hits from Slade, and I need those hits.  Some of those acts would be unbearable without them.”  He glances up to meet Sebastian’s eyes but quickly looks away.

 

“Stefano-” Sebastian begins, but Stefano stands up, effectively cutting him off.

 

“I am going to take a shower now,” he says, and his voice makes the whole room feel cold.  “I trust you can show yourself out.”

 

Stefano walks into the bathroom without looking at Sebastian and closes the door behind him.  Sebastian sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face because he still feels like shit, but clearly Stefano doesn’t want him to be here when he gets out of the shower.

 

Sebastian sits up, letting the covers slide off of him as he swings his legs over the side of the bed.  His head throbs in protest, but his stomach is mercifully still, and he rests his head in his hands for a moment, hoping the pain will pass and wondering why he is only wearing his boxer-briefs.

 

One thing is for sure- Sebastian has no idea what the hell kind of drug that was or why anyone would use it recreationally.  He tries to think back to last night, but aside from a few isolated moments when Stefano was rubbing up against him, what he felt the most was helpless.  Not being able to move or speak or understand what was going on around him was frightening, and Sebastian wonders how much Slade’s mixture has in common with a date rape drug.

 

Of course, if Stefano is to be believed, then not everyone is as strongly affected by it as Sebastian was, and it certainly seems that Slade and his men were less impaired.  This is troubling in itself, and Sebastian makes a mental note to ask Stefano about it later.  There are actually a bunch of things he needs to ask Stefano about, and between that, his pounding head, and the fact that he is the one paying for the room, Sebastian decides that he isn’t leaving yet.  Stefano will just have to deal with it.

 

He sits with his head in his hands for a few more minutes, and by the time the bathroom door opens, he is feeling a little less miserable.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says, though he doesn’t really sound surprised.

 

Sebastian looks up to see that Stefano has his clothes in hand and a towel slung around his hips, though Sebastian isn’t really in a position to accuse anyone of being under-dressed.  “I’m sorry,” he says, holding Stefano’s gaze.  “I wasn’t judging you or your lifestyle.  I was just worried I had done something to you…against your will.”

 

Stefano gives him a faint smile as he sits down on the other bed across from Sebastian and reaches out to pat him on the knee.  “There is nothing to worry about.  I had hoped you might want to do more things with me, but you went so far under.”

 

“Will the next time really be better?” Sebastian asks as he rubs at his eyes, ignoring Stefano’s flirtatious comment in favor of getting back on topic.

 

“Yes,” Stefano says.  “I promise.  For one thing, it will be at a house party, so we won’t be the center of attention.”

 

Sebastian nods, then takes a deep breath.  “Look,” he begins.  “I’m not trying to pry, but I need to ask you some more questions about last night.

 

Stefano doesn’t look thrilled about this development, but he sighs, scoots back a little, and brings up his legs so that he is sitting cross-legged on the bed.  “Very well,” he replies.

 

Sebastian is suddenly highly aware of the fact that Stefano is only wearing a towel.  “I mean, you can get dressed first,” he blurts out, jerking his eyes back up to Stefano’s face.  The skimpy motel towel is providing basically zero coverage, especially in Stefano’s current position, and Sebastian can feel his cheeks flushing hot.

 

Stefano laughs, adjusting the towel so that he is at least somewhat covered.  “It doesn’t bother me if it doesn’t bother you,” he says.

 

Sebastian isn’t sure if it bothers him or not, and he’s afraid to check and see how well-covered Stefano is now, so he decides to just get on with the questioning.  His chills are gone, and the room is starting to feel a bit warm even with the curtains drawn and the air conditioner running.  His head is feeling a little better, but his body aches like he’s had a hard session at the gym or possibly a bar fight.

 

He lies down, stretching out on his back on top of the covers, partly to soothe his sore muscles and partly to have an excuse to look at the ceiling instead of at whatever parts of Stefano may now be visible.  He stretches, a little groan slipping out of his mouth as he does so, because it feels so nice to extend his arms and legs fully.

 

“Are you sore?” Stefano asks, leaning forward a bit.  “I give an excellent massage.”

 

“No thanks, I’m good,” Sebastian says.  He has no doubt that Stefano is very skilled with his hands, but Sebastian is in his underwear, and Stefano is only wearing a very small towel, and Sebastian needs answers more than he needs whatever might happen if Stefano starts massaging him.  Stefano’s state of undress does remind him of his first question though.

 

“Did you undress me?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  “You don’t look like the sort of man who sleeps fully clothed.”

 

Sebastian gets a chuckle out of that, because he isn’t sure what that sort of man would look like.  “No, I’m not,” he assures Stefano.

 

“For future reference, did I undress you sufficiently or should I have continued?” Stefano asks.

 

It takes Sebastian a second to realize what he’s talking about, and then he is raising a hand to his face to shield his eyes as he replies, “No, this is fine.”  He does, in fact, normally sleep like this, but that’s none of Stefano’s business.  “Hopefully you won’t end up having to put me to bed next time,” he adds.

 

“So there is going to be a next time,” Stefano says, the satisfaction evident in his voice.  Sebastian ignores him and moves on to his next question, letting his hand fall to the pillow beside his head.

 

“Any idea why I’m so sore?” Sebastian asks.  He is still suspicious of the gaps in his memory, and he isn’t sure what he could possibly have done to feel like this.

 

“Probably residual effects of the drug,” Stefano replies, “Although you did fall down some stairs.”

 

“What?  How?” Sebastian asks.

 

“When we were taking you out to the car,” Stefano says.  “I was still a bit wobbly, and Riker was…not being especially careful.”

 

“Yeah, I got the impression that I’m not his favorite person,” Sebastian says.

 

“Well, I would expect not,” Stefano says mildly.  “You don’t remember arguing with him?”

 

“No…” Sebastian replies.

 

“I suppose it wasn’t so much an argument,” Stefano muses, “as it was him asking you if you wanted to go first and you telling him to ‘go fuck himself’.”

 

Sebastian sits halfway up, leaning on his elbow to look at Stefano.  He is thankful that Stefano’s towel is now providing adequate coverage.  “Are you serious?” he asks.  “How…why am still alive?”

 

Stefano laughs warmly.  “Riker can be a bit aggressive, but Slade keeps him in line.  You have nothing to fear from him as long as Slade is present.”

 

Sebastian isn’t so sure about that, but it jogs another memory, one of Slade shouting at Riker to put something away and Stefano struggling against him.  Sebastian opens his mouth to ask Stefano about that, but then the rest of the memory takes shape in his mind, and he closes his mouth.  There’s no reason to make Stefano relive that part of the evening.

 

“What about you?” Sebastian asks.  “What’s it like when I’m not around?”

 

“Very much like what you saw,” Stefano replies, his voice calm and measured.  “My duties to Slade and his men are second only to my duties to the clients.”

 

This is giving Sebastian an idea, and he’s not sure whether he likes it or not, but he needs to think it through.  “Does that mean that I should have been more involved?” he asks.

 

“Sebastian, you should be just as involved as you wish to be and no more,” Stefano says, though Sebastian has the impression that he is brushing off the real question.

 

“That’s not what I’m asking,” Sebastian persists.  “If I was more involved, would they leave you alone?”

 

Stefano smiles, but his face is strained.  “They- Riker, especially- are never going to leave me alone, but the more you do to me, the less they will be able do to me.  Slade may not be much of a businessman, but he does prioritize his clients.”

 

Sebastian files this piece of information away for further consideration.  Setting aside his own sexual preferences, one of his duties in the investigation is to protect his informant, and he may have just found a way to do it without breaking cover.  Setting aside his duties, he still feels a little sick from what happened last night, and he’s not sure he’ll be able to sit by if something like that happens again.

 

“Is that the first time he’s hit you?” Sebastian asks, gesturing toward Stefano’s face.

 

Stefano laughs, but this time it’s a cold, brittle sound.  “Sebastian, don’t be ridiculous.”  He looks like he might be about to say more, but then goes quiet, looking down at the bedspread.

 

Sebastian lies down on his back again and decides to switch topics for a while.  Stefano’s lifestyle is unacceptable to him, and it turns his stomach to think about what Stefano probably endures on a daily basis, but it’s the life Stefano has chosen and maybe the only one he knows.  Sebastian isn’t naïve enough to think that he can make any headway having that argument with Stefano right now.

 

“Can I ask what you feel when you take a hit?”  Sebastian asks, still struggling to understand why anyone would use this drug intentionally and why there is some small part of him that was excited by it, that wants to try it again.

 

Stefano is quiet for a moment before he replies.  “At first I feel quite excited, as though I need to be in motion, and then I start to feel warm all over.  That is usually when I become…affectionate, as others have described it.”

 

Sebastian smiles up at the ceiling in spite of himself.  He does remember Stefano being affectionate, as those moments spent on the floor with him were some of the less traumatic parts of the evening.

 

“After that I have a more difficult time recalling what happens,” Stefano continues, “though I believe it is somewhat cyclical.  There are periods of warm, enjoyable feelings interspersed with periods of feeling helpless or even afraid.  I think sometimes I dream…”  Stefano stops speaking, and Sebastian glances over at him, but he simply shrugs.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me about this before?” Sebastian asks.  “Seems like you only described the good parts.”

 

“I didn’t want to frighten you,” Stefano says simply.  “Not everyone is affected the same way, and I had hoped your experience might be more uniformly pleasant.”

 

“That’s another thing,” Sebastian says.  “Even though we all took a hit together, Slade and Riker and the others seemed to be much less impaired than you and I were.  Is that normal?”

 

“I cannot say that I have noticed that,” Stefano replies thoughtfully.  “Though I suppose my judgment is probably not the best when I’ve had a few hits myself.”

 

“Is it possible that they took something different than we took?” Sebastian presses.

 

“I suppose that is possible,” Stefano muses.  “They lay out the lines, so they are in control of everything.  I cannot be sure what they are taking.”

 

“Do you ever feel paralyzed after you take a hit?” Sebastian asks, because that is probably the one thing that he found the most alarming that Stefano hasn’t acknowledged yet.

 

“I do sometimes feel sluggish or very weak,” Stefano says, “especially during those periods of unpleasant emotions.  I am not sure I would describe it as ‘paralyzed’ though.  Is that how you felt?”

 

“A couple of times, yeah,” Sebastian says, rolling over onto his side to face Stefano.  That feeling of being aware but trapped in his own body, of being utterly vulnerable to the people around him is still strong in his mind, and it’s hard to let go of it.

 

“I am sorry to hear that,” Stefano says.  “You did seem upset at times.  I tried to calm you down, but I was a bit…preoccupied.”

 

Sebastian remembers Stefano murmuring reassuring words to him even as he was preparing to be violated by Riker and the others and feels a new sense of appreciation for the sort of composure Stefano’s job requires him to have, the mask he has to wear at all times.  Unfortunately, Stefano’s composure makes it much harder to tell what is actually going on inside his head.

 

“You did fine,” he tells Stefano.  “I’m just not sure I’m ready for another round.”

 

“I think you’ll find the next time more enjoyable,” Stefano says, lying down on his side as well and pillowing his head on his hands.  Sebastian keeps his eyes trained on Stefano’s face, because he just doesn’t trust that towel.

 

“So what happens next time?” Sebastian asks.  He still aches all over, but otherwise he’s feeling better, and he might as well use this time to plan their next move.

 

“Next time will probably be tomorrow evening,” Stefano says.  “He usually has the biggest crowd on Friday or Saturday night.  It will be rather chaotic, but that often makes it easier to go unnoticed.”

 

“Good,” Sebastian says with a sigh.  After the last time, going unnoticed will be a relief.  “But will I be able to get a sample to take with me?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  “You have passed all of his tests, so he should be more than willing to sell to you.  He will give you a free hit to take at the party though.”

 

“Of course he will,” Sebastian says, rolling his eyes.  “How does he make money doing this anyway?  He seems to be giving a lot of stuff away.”

 

“I’m afraid I don’t know, Sebastian,” Stefano says with an indulgent smile.  “I only play my small part in the operation.  If you want to know more about Slade’s business plan, you will have to ask him yourself.”

 

“Will I be able to do that?” Sebastian asks.  “Before I take another hit and get all loopy?”

 

“I would expect so,” Stefano answers.  “He loves to talk about himself, though you will need to be careful how you phrase your questions.”

 

“Right,” Sebastian says.  “I’ll stay in character.”  He thinks for a moment, then asks, “Is it going to be mostly other clients there?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano says, “probably twenty or thirty of them throughout the house and maybe a dozen or so escorts.”

 

“And does Slade bring in extra security?  Or are we talking about the same guys who were there last night?”

 

“It will be Slade’s usual team, though I don’t think you’ve met Jay,” Stefano says.  “You will want to give him a wide berth.  He is rather unpredictable.”

 

“I was going to ask you about him actually,” Sebastian says.  “He doesn’t seem to fit the mold of Slade’s other guys.  Neither does Murphy.”

 

Stefano stretches languidly.  “Murphy does approach things differently.  He obeys Slade, but this is simply a job for him.  He does not embrace violence for its own sake, and he has never asked me to service him.”  He pauses.  “Jay is something else entirely.”

 

Stefano sighs, rolling onto his back and folding his hands behind his head before he continues.  “Slade originally brought him back to the house to be an escort.  I imagine he discovered him living on the street and liked his looks, but then at the initiation, Jay-”

 

“Wait,” Sebastian says, even though he’s pretty sure he’s not going to like the answer to this question.  “What initiation?”

 

“It is exactly what you would expect,” Stefano says, a little sharply, as though he is suddenly impatient with Sebastian’s questions.  “Every new escort has to service Slade and the rest of his staff.  As soon as Jay realized what he was supposedly there to do, he flew into a rage, and Slade’s men were unable to subdue him.”

 

Stefano pauses and brings one hand to his mouth to stifle a laugh before adding, “He pulled a knife and stabbed Riker in the face.  It was most entertaining.”

 

Sebastian remembers the scar on Riker’s cheek.  “Oh,” he says.  “When I saw that scar I thought it might have been you.  Especially after seeing your knife.”

 

“No,” Stefano replies.  “I wish…well, that’s neither here nor there.  At any rate, Slade offered Jay a job on his security team, but I still would not say that Jay obeys Slade exactly.  He does as Slade asks when it suits his own purposes.”

 

“And Slade’s okay with that?” Sebastian asks, because Slade seems to like to be in control.

 

“Slade likes his ruthlessness,” Stefano says, turning to face Sebastian again.  “Or perhaps he is afraid to dismiss him.  I cannot be sure.”

 

“Fair enough,” Sebastian says.  “I’ll try to avoid him and Riker.”

 

“Once you have your sample, come and find me,” Stefano says.  “I’ll take care of you.”

 

“I’ll do that,” Sebastian says.  He isn’t entirely sure what Stefano means, but he is certain that it will be safer to stay with Stefano than to wander around Slade’s house in a drug-induced haze.

 

“You may also see other things in the house that you will find upsetting,” Stefano adds, sounding as though he is trying to cater to someone whose sensibilities are much more delicate than his own.  “I would urge you not to intervene.  Slade will have you removed if you are disruptive to the atmosphere he enjoys.”

 

Sebastian takes that to mean that he may witness more abuse to the Stefano and the other escorts, which is causing a knot to form in his stomach.  He’s already taken the first step though.  He’s too deep into this investigation to turn back, and if he stops now it will all be for nothing.  Surely he can tough it out for one more visit to Slade’s.  Stefano’s been toughing it out for three years after all.

 

“Fine,” he says, rolling onto his back again and rubbing at his eyes.  At least his head is starting to feel better.

 

“Is there anything else you need to know?” Stefano asks. “Otherwise I should be getting back.”

 

“No, I think that’s it for now,” Sebastian replies.  “Do you need a ride?”

 

“That won’t be necessary,” Stefano says, taking his phone from the nightstand.  “I’ll text one of them to come and pick me up.”

 

Stefano is already on his feet and getting dressed when Sebastian thinks to ask, “Did we sleep in the same bed last night?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano says, turning to face Sebastian as he fastens his pants.  “You were a bit emotional, and also quite determined to hold onto me.”

 

Sebastian blinks in surprise.  “I…uh…I’m sorry,” he says, because he doesn’t remember that at all.

 

Stefano just smiles.  “It was no trouble.  Rather endearing, in fact.”

 

It sounds more embarrassing than endearing to Sebastian, but as he can’t recall what happened, there isn’t much he can do about it now.

 

Stefano finishes dressing and arranging his hair at about the same time that Sebastian hears a car pull up outside the room.

 

“That’s my ride,” Stefano says.  “Try to get some more sleep, and eat something when you’re feeling better.  I will text you about tomorrow.”

 

Even though Stefano flashes him another smile before he disappears through the door and pulls it closed behind him, Sebastian can’t help but notice that there is no goodbye kiss this time.

 

 

 

 

Sebastian’s phone announces an incoming text message several hours later, while he is sprawled on the bed, still in only his boxer-briefs.  He has about a quarter of a bottle of whiskey left, and he almost doesn’t hear the phone go off because of how vigorously he is berating the anchor on the evening news.  He glances at the display, fully prepared to ignore it, because he knows better than to talk to Joseph when he’s been drinking, but it’s a text message from Stefano.

 

He takes another swig straight from the bottle, unlocks the phone, and checks the message.

 

_Miss me?_

 

In truth, Sebastian hasn’t really had time to miss Stefano, because he has mostly been thinking about a cool shower and more whiskey and how unnecessary pants are, but he has his part to play in all of this, so he texts back, _Been missing you ever since you left_ …

 

Sebastian tips his head back to take another swig, but Stefano’s next message comes through almost immediately.  _Are you hard for me?_

 

Sebastian chokes, the whiskey burning his throat.  “Jesus, Stefano,” he says out loud, coughing violently.  He reads the message again and feels the same raw stab of sensation that he felt when Stefano kissed him at the door two days ago.  It’s like his heart has stopped and his stomach has flipped over, and there is warmth pooling in his lower belly, and there is no good reason for him to be reacting like this because he’s just texting Stefano and it’s for an investigation for fuck’s sake.

 

Sebastian does acknowledge that he is in way over his head, because flirting over text message is not something he is familiar with, and if he is going to keep up this act, he is probably going to have to do much more than flirt.  He takes a deep breath and tries to think of what a sleazy john would say in this situation.

 

 _I am now,_ he texts back, deciding to keep it simple.

 

 _That’s lovely,_ Stefano texts.  _I must confess that I have been dreaming of your cock._

“Holy shit,” Sebastian breathes, because reading Stefano’s words is having an entirely unexpected effect on him.  It’s sort of understandable though.  He has been deprived of meaningful human contact for so long that even a few phrases over text message that suggest intimate activities could seem very appealing.  Also he has had quite a bit of whiskey, and this isn’t really the time to delve too deeply into that line of thought.

 

Sebastian takes another swig from the bottle before he types his response.  _And what have you been dreaming about doing with it?_

There is a short pause this time while Sebastian sets down his bottle and stares hard at the phone.  The tingling and the warmth in his belly is intensified by the way his cock is trapped between the mattress and his body, and even though he would never, ever do any of these things, he needs to know what it is that Stefano wants to do with him- that Stefano is pretending to want to do with him for the investigation.

 

 _Kneel before you,_ Stefano texts.  _Take you in my mouth.  Bathe you with my tongue until you moan my name._

“Oh god,” Sebastian says, clapping a hand over his mouth, because as much as he doesn’t want to remember Stefano’s mouth on his cock, all of his thoughts are of that wet, squeezing heat, and the firm, confident strokes that ripped his climax so mercilessly from his body.  His hips are pressing down harder into the bed.

 

Stefano doesn’t stop there.  _Push you down onto the bed and straddle you.  Grind down on your cock until you are desperate for me._

Sebastian is still holding the phone in one hand, but his other is fisted in the bedspread.  His hips are moving of their own accord now, rutting against the mattress.

 

_Then slowly sink down onto you, taking you fully inside me…so tight, so hot all around you._

Sebastian’s hips are moving faster now, trying to put more pressure on his cock, which aches with the need for release.  He moans aloud as he tries to gain more leverage, to create more friction, to get closer to the edge.

 

_Maybe tomorrow?  Come around midnight.  I’ll be waiting…_

“Fuck,” groans Sebastian, tossing his phone down on the bed and rolling over onto his back.  Even though getting into one of Slade’s parties is the next step in his plan, he is now left with a more pressing problem.  When his hand slips inside his underwear and closes around his cock, he freezes, because there are only two possible courses of action.  He is either going to jerk off with thoughts of Stefano in his head or he is going to take a very cold shower.

 

In a tremendous act of will, Sebastian chooses the latter.

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What do you want, Sebastian?” Stefano purrs. His hand touches Sebastian’s bare chest and Sebastian groans aloud, because that is Stefano’s hand on his skin and it tickles and it burns and why won’t anyone touch him anymore? He wants. He needs. He reaches clumsily for the belt of Stefano’s robe.
> 
> Stefano’s hands cover his, help him untie the knot, and then Stefano is laying the robe open, baring himself completely to Sebastian’s eyes and his hands and his intentions, and Sebastian could almost cry because Stefano puts so much more trust in him than he puts in himself.

 

 

Sebastian gets a text message from Joseph around 2200 on Friday.  He’s just stepped out of the shower, and he is restless, mind already racing at the prospect of going to Slade’s in two hours.  The worst part is that he can’t even indulge in the numbing effects of a stiff drink.  He isn’t sure how alcohol would interact with the drug mixture, and he doesn’t want to find out.  He opens the message.

 

_Hi Seb.  How are you holding up?_

Sebastian smiles.  He really is lucky to have Joseph as a friend.  They’ve had a few short text exchanges over the past couple of days, mostly in order for Joseph to satisfy himself that Sebastian is still alive, but the really wonderful thing about Joseph is that he knows when to back off and let Sebastian have some time to figure things out on his own…or conduct an unauthorized and highly dangerous solo investigation.

 

 _I’m alright,_ Sebastian types back.  _You?_

He begins to towel himself off even though having damp skin feels kind of nice in this stuffy room.  His phone buzzes again.

 

 _Buried in meth and guns,_ Joseph texts.  _We executed a search warrant up at Mo Farley’s house- huge bust._

Sebastian almost laughs at the mental image of Joseph being literally buried in meth and guns, which may not be far from the truth.  Maurice Farley is a well-known methamphetamine dealer who is actually in prison at the moment, but he has a bad habit of trying to run his business over the phone. 

 

Joseph had been listening in on his jail calls in the weeks before Sebastian’s unplanned vacation, and it sounds like he finally got enough evidence to support a search warrant, meaning that Farley’s house, which is situated in suburban Krimson, has been cleared of the volatile chemicals involved in manufacturing meth at least temporarily.

 

 _Nice,_ Sebastian types.  _Sounds like a job well done.  Though you’ll probably be buried in paperwork next._

_No kidding,_ Joseph replies.  There is a pause, during which Sebastian finishes drying himself, before Joseph’s next message comes through.  _Are you free tomorrow evening?  I wasn’t kidding about that beer._

Sebastian thinks on that for a minute.  It would be nice to see Joseph, to talk to someone who exists outside this new world of drugs and violence and prostitution that he has found himself so deeply immersed in.  And he might need Joseph’s help to get the sample from Slade’s house to the lab for analysis.

 

 _Sure,_ he texts back.  _Just let me know when you’re free._

_I’ll do that,_ Joseph answers.  _Take care of yourself._

_You too,_ Sebastian replies.  There’s no point in imagining how upset Joseph would be if he knew what Sebastian is planning, so Sebastian simply sets the phone down and goes back to getting ready.

 

He has no idea what one wears to this kind of party, so he pulls on a pair of dark wash jeans and a grey button-down shirt and tucks a wad of marked bills into his pocket.  He briefly considers finding somewhere to conceal his revolver, but if he’s going to be patted down again then there’s no point.  He isn’t doing anyone any good if he doesn’t make it into the house.

 

Even after he’s finished dressing, he still has over an hour until it’s time to leave, so he heads out into the parking lot to smoke a few cigarettes.  It’s comforting in its familiarity, but it does little to calm his nerves.  Despite Stefano’s assurances, he has a sinking feeling that he’s about to witness a bunch of things he doesn’t want to see and won’t be able to forget.  If it gets him to the truth though, it’ll all be worth it.  At least, that’s what he keeps telling himself.

 

 

 

 

Sebastian has to park a block away, because there are quite a few more cars lining the 600 block of Calvert Street tonight.  He can hear the music pulsing from Slade’s house halfway down the block.  Apparently there is no need to worry about a noise complaint when all of your neighbors are illegal squatters.

 

Murphy is at the door tonight, and he calmly looks Sebastian up and down before waving him into the house.  After the customary pat-down, Sebastian shouts over the music, “Do you know where I can find Slade?”

 

“No fuckin’ idea,” Murphy shouts back.  Sebastian is skeptical of this response, because Murphy is wearing an earpiece and mic set-up tonight, and if he was feeling helpful he could probably just call Slade or one of the other security team members.  Apparently he’s not feeling helpful, because he turns away from Sebastian and goes back to watching the door.

 

The idea of wandering aimlessly around Slade’s house makes Sebastian feel a little sick, because he is frankly afraid of what he might see in some of these rooms, but he has no other option.  He heads into Slade’s waiting area, where the lights have been dimmed and the TV is now showing a harshly lit close up of some kind of sex act.  While pornography seems appropriate for Slade’s house after dark, it certainly isn’t doing anything to put Sebastian in the mood.

 

The room is unoccupied except for two women who Sebastian guesses are escorts.  The smaller, blonde woman is smoking a cigarette with one shaking hand and staring blankly at the TV.  Her other hand strokes the jet black hair of the dark-skinned woman who is sleeping on the couch beside her, knees drawn up and arms wrapped protectively around herself.

 

The blonde woman looks at Sebastian as he crosses the room, asks a question with her eyes, but Sebastian shakes his head and continues through to the party room.  This is clearly where the music originates, because the door is vibrating in its frame as Sebastian reaches for the knob.  Before he can grab it, the door opens abruptly toward him, and he has to jump backward to avoid colliding with Jay.

 

Jay is several inches shorter than Sebastian, and can’t weight more than one hundred twenty pounds, but he barges into the room like he owns the place.  His pale blue eyes are looking past Sebastian, and his brown hair is sticking up at odd angles all over his head, almost as though he just woke up.  Sebastian is immediately on edge because of Stefano’s warning, but Jay ignores him completely, and addresses the two women.

 

“Jade, Val, get back to work!” he snaps, and Sebastian takes his opportunity to move forward into the party room.  The deep, throbbing bass and flashing lights give it the feel of an actual nightclub, and there are about twelve or fifteen people doing something that can’t quite be called dancing.  They’re on their feet but moving in a lazy sway, some of them leaning up against each other, hands wandering over bodies and under clothes.  Clearly they’ve already dipped into Slade’s stock.

 

Young is behind the bar, and he nods at Sebastian.  Sebastian forces himself to nod back, even though when he looks at Young all he sees is the cold stare, the cruel set to his mouth, the way the muscles in his shoulders bunched up as he pulled Stefano hard against him.

 

Sebastian is worried that being polite to Young right now might be beyond even his acting abilities, so he does a quick scan of the room- no Slade, no Stefano.  Sebastian also notes that Young seems to be the only member of Slade’s staff in this area, at least until Jay brushes past him again, herding the two women from the front room toward the cluster of Slade’s drug-addled clients.

 

As much as Sebastian doesn’t want to enter any of the other rooms on this floor, he needs to find Slade.  The door at the other end of the party room is open, and Sebastian can see people in the better lit room beyond it.  He isn’t sure what the etiquette is for this kind of event, but it seems reasonable to assume that an open door is an invitation to enter and a closed door should be left alone.

 

Sebastian crosses the party room, takes a deep breath, and plunges into the next room.  It’s still so loud in here that Sebastian can’t hear a god damn thing.  There are five people in the room.  One of the male escorts Sebastian saw the last time he was here is strapped into some kind of bondage hammock, head thrown back in ecstasy or at least a convincing performance of it as one of Slade’s clients fucks him roughly, moving his whole body with every thrust.  One of the female escorts is sitting on the counter, talking and laughing with two men.  It’s vaguely reassuring to Sebastian that no one seems to be in distress, though he still moves quickly out of this room and back into the hallway.

 

There are several door across the hall from him, some open and some closed, and even though Sebastian doesn’t think it’s very likely that Slade is in one of these rooms, his curiosity gets the better of him, and he leans around the doorframe to peer into one of the open rooms.

 

It looks like a doctor’s exam room at first, though the restraints and stirrups attached to the examination table and the array of equipment laid out on the counters leads him to believe that this room is designed to cater to someone’s fetish rather than actual medical procedures.  Slade did say that the rooms on this side of the hall were for people with specific tastes.

 

There is a metal stand next to the table with various bags and lengths of tubing hanging from it, and Sebastian can’t figure out what on earth they’re supposed to-

 

“You should see Stefano when he’s all strapped down in here-”

 

Sebastian literally jumps forward into the room, whirling around to face Riker.  It is a testament to how loud the music is that Riker was able to approach him undetected.  Riker seems mildly amused, the corner of his mouth turned up, even though Sebastian is reluctant to attribute anything so human as a sense of humor to him.

 

He pauses, waiting to see what Riker is going to do, but Riker seems to be much more relaxed than on Sebastian’s previous visit.  Maybe he’s satisfied that he has asserted his dominance over Sebastian, or over Stefano, or maybe he’s just been sampling Slade’s product.

 

“Slade’s upstairs!” bellows Riker over the music, pointing to the ceiling.

 

“Thanks!” Sebastian shouts back, feeling unexpectedly relieved that Riker actually seems to be in a helpful mood.

 

Riker steps back to let Sebastian out of the medical room, and Sebastian follows him down the hallway to the back staircase.  Sebastian can hear noises, muffled screams or moans- he can’t be sure- behind some of the doors they pass, even over the pulsing music, but he’s not here to interfere with Slade’s clients.

 

As they reach the foot of the stairs, one of the doors flies open, and a naked woman dashes out of it, almost colliding with the opposite wall in her haste.  She takes one look at Sebastian, or more likely at Riker, turns, and starts sprinting down the hall away from them, her long dark hair flying out behind her.

 

Riker, who moves surprisingly fast for a guy the size of a compact car, is on her in seconds, grabbing her by the upper arms and slamming her back against the wall.  Sebastian can see now that her face is streaked with tears, and there is wild, terrified look in her eyes.  Riker throws her over his shoulder as though she weighs nothing and walks back toward the open door.

 

“Go on upstairs!”  He yells to Sebastian.  “Same room as last time.”  Then he disappears into the room, and Sebastian can hear him shouting what sounds like an apology to whoever else is in there before the door slams shut.

 

Sebastian is frozen in place for a moment, because this is not what he signed up for, and even though he had a pretty good idea what was going on before tonight, it’s still shocking to see the degree of force that Slade and his men use to control the escorts.  Sebastian has no idea what this woman is being taken back into this room to do, but clearly she is not doing it voluntarily.

 

Of course, there’s really nothing he can do about it at the moment.  He can’t act on behalf of KCPD, and KCPD refused to investigate Slade, and he certainly can’t take on Slade and his men by himself.  He swallows hard, tries to block out the noises coming from that room, and starts to climb the stairs.

 

As he ascends, the music starts to fade out a little, and Sebastian runs through his objectives: find Slade, get a sample of the drug, question him about the dead prostitutes, find Stefano, survive another drug trip.  It’s a much more complicated mission than last time, but when he opens the door to the lounge area on the second floor, he can at least cross the first item off his list.

 

Slade is sitting on the couch exactly where he was the last time Sebastian saw him, and there is a briefcase open on the coffee table in front of him.  Lance is standing beside him, and Sebastian notes that he has traded out his handgun for an assault rifle.  Even though they aren’t legal to own in Krimson, Sebastian isn’t surprised to see it or to see that Slade is wearing body armor and an earpiece.

 

“Sebastian!” Slade says, tearing his eyes away from the pornography playing on the TV to look at Sebastian.  “Glad you could make it.  Take a seat.”  He gestures to the couch beside him.

 

As Sebastian takes a seat on the couch, he notes that he is now alone with Slade and Lance, which seems odd, because the last time he was here Slade had four men with him.  Sebastian’s brain is already turning over this piece of information and trying to figure out how it impacts his plan.

 

If Slade always has the same five or six guys working with him, then on a night like tonight he is severely understaffed.  With one man at the door, one in the main party room, and one up here with Slade, that leaves two floating throughout the house, plus the sixth man that Sebastian has never seen.  There is no way they are adequately monitoring all of the rooms that are occupied, much less the ones that aren’t, which potentially allows for some exploration if Sebastian can get out from under their watchful eyes.

 

“Thanks,” Sebastian says.  “Quite a party you’ve got going here.”

 

Slade beams, and Sebastian is reminded of what Stefano told him about Slade’s ego.  “Yeah, it’s shaping up to be a good night,” Slade says.  He gestures to the briefcase on the table.  “You ready for a hit?”

 

“Actually I was hoping I could get a couple of them,” Sebastian says.

 

Slade nods.  “No problem.  One for now, one for later?”

 

“Sure,” Sebastian replies.  Based on what he knows about Slade, he’s pretty confident he can’t talk him out of the ‘one for now’, and he’s willing to deal with it as long as he gets a sample to take with him.

 

Slade nods to Lance, who makes the dubious decision to set down his rifle, rotates the briefcase ninety degrees, and starts rooting around in it.

 

“How much?” Sebastian asks.  Since he didn’t pay last time, he actually has no idea how much Slade is charging for his product.

 

“Are you going to want to see Stefano tonight?” Slade counters.  “Because if so, it’ll be four hundred for everything.”

 

Sebastian has no idea whether this is some kind of deal or not, because he’s never encountered a drug dealer who sells in bundles like this.  Stefano charges three hundred dollars an hour for his services alone, and Sebastian wants Slade to be in a really good mood for this next part, so he reaches into his pocket, counts out the four hundred dollars, and hands it over to Slade.

 

“Yeah, that sounds good,” he says.  “Where is Stefano?  I haven’t seen him yet.”

 

“I think he’s occupied at the moment,” Slade replies.  “But I’ll find him for you.”  He presses the mic button on the wire that dangles from his earpiece.  “Jay, when Stefano’s done, can you get him cleaned up and bring him up here?”

 

“Hey, let me ask you something,” Sebastian begins, as Slade turns toward him slightly.  “Do you ever make longer term contracts with the escorts?  I mean, if I was going on a trip for three or four weeks and I wanted to take Stefano with me, is that something that could be arranged?”

 

Slade nods thoughtfully.  “Generally speaking, yes, that’s something that can be done.  I don’t think I could give you Stefano for that length of time though.  We need him to keep things running smoothly around here.  I have another guy you might like though.  You can meet him tonight if you want.”

 

“Maybe,” Sebastian replies, trying to find a way to steer the conversation back to what he really wants to know.  “If I did like him, how would that work?  Do I just pay up front for all of it?”

 

“Yeah,” Slade says.  “And then he’d be yours for the whole time.  We’d just need him back on the agreed date.”

 

“Any restrictions on what I could do with him?” Sebastian asks.

 

“None,” Slade replies.  “Anything you want.  I mean, if you bring him back in really bad shape, then you might get charged for some medical bills, but you don’t seem like the type to really tear one of them up like that.”

 

Sebastian’s chest is getting tight with anger, but he shrugs, trying not to telegraph his emotions to Slade.  He should have known that if he asked these kind of questions, he was going to get some truly disgusting answers, but it’s still hard to digest them.  “And what if I didn’t bring him back at all?”

 

Slade stares unflinchingly at him, like he’s sizing him up.  “That would be a pretty hefty charge,” Slade says after a pause.  “Probably something we’d negotiate up-front, if you knew you wanted someone…for that purpose.”

 

Sebastian wants to be horrified by this, but after everything he’s learned about Slade, it isn’t actually that surprising that he would literally sell someone’s life.  What is interesting is that it sounds like Slade is feeling out the situation as well, so maybe it’s something he hasn’t done before.

 

Sebastian nods, maybe a little too late for it to seem natural in the conversation, and asks, “And what if I don’t like your other guy?  Are there any other options?”

 

“Well, I’ve got a few other guys,” Slade begins, “but it might help if you tell me what you like about Stefano.  Is it the accent?  The way he dresses?  The…?” Slade gestures to the right side of his face, apparently unable to describe Stefano’s injury.

 

“Not exactly…” Sebastian says.  Truth be told, what he likes about Stefano is his poise and courage and the fact that he can still hold his head high when he spends his nights working in this shit-hole, but of course he can’t say that.  “It’s more that…”  He fumbles for words, but Slade cuts him off.

 

“I know what you mean,” Slade says, with a knowing wink.  “And I know you haven’t been with any of my other guys, but they’re all fucking tight like that.”

 

Sebastian opens his mouth to protest that this is definitely not what he had in mind, but Slade forges ahead. 

 

“Let me show you a little secret.”  Slade turns away from Sebastian, opens a drawer in the end table, and pulls out a small bottle and syringe.  He holds them up for Sebastian to see.  “It’s Reversol,” he says, looking pleased with himself.  “It’s a muscle stimulant.  I just give them a little of this between clients, and everything locks down again.  Super easy to use, too.  I can show you if you want.”

 

It is entirely possible that Sebastian’s mouth is just hanging open, because he is channeling all of his available energy to restrain himself from planting his fist in the middle of Slade’s face.  Even knowing that Slade prioritizes his clients’ enjoyment over the comfort of his escorts, it’s shocking to learn how far he will go to uphold that.

 

“That’s…no, that’s fine.  You don’t need to…” Sebastian stammers.

 

Slade shrugs and replaces the bottle and syringe in the end table drawer.  “And if all else fails, I can try to find someone more to your liking.  I try to keep new guys coming in pretty regularly.”

 

Sebastian latches onto this thread of the discussion, because it is far more palatable than the last one.  “So how does the rotation work?” he asks.  “I mean, what happens to the ones who’ve been here longer?”

 

“A lot of them OD,” Slade replies nonchalantly.  “Occupational hazard, I guess.  Some move on.  Kind of hard to keep track of them actually.”

 

At that moment, the door opens, and Sebastian turns to see Jay ushering Stefano into the room.  Stefano is wearing a blue silk robe and seems a little unsteady on his feet, as though he may have already had a hit or two, but a gentle smile crosses his face when he sees Sebastian.  It’s a little disconcerting, especially considering the dark purple bruising around his left eye.

 

“Good evening, Sebastian,” Stefano breathes, crossing to the couch and sitting down next to Sebastian with a barely perceptible flinch.  Before Sebastian can respond, Stefano’s arms are around his shoulders, and Stefano is pulling himself into his lap, one hand caressing his face as he whispers, “I’ve missed you.”

 

Sebastian takes a quick glance around the room, but he is the only one who seems to think that this is awkward in any way, so he wraps his arms around Stefano’s waist and says, “Well, I’m here now.”

 

“Indeed, you are,” Stefano purrs, nuzzling at his jawline.  He smells freshly showered, a little like the orange blossom shampoo Myra likes- that Myra used to like.

 

Just then Slade clears his throat, and Sebastian looks over to see that two lines of cocaine have been laid out on the table.  Stefano sees them as well, and Sebastian feels his whole body tense like a jungle cat about to pounce.

 

“Easy,” Sebastian cautions, unsure whether Stefano will actually attempt to launch himself at the coffee table.

 

Stefano seems to recover some of his senses and slides out of Sebastian’s lap, taking his place beside the table in front of one of the white lines.  Sebastian catches a movement out of the corner of his eye.  He turns back to Slade as Stefano shifts over to other line and Slade reaches for the table.  Slade grabs the plastic baggie of white powder lying next to the lines and hands it to Sebastian.

 

“Thanks,” Sebastian says as he tucks it safely away in his pocket.  He can now check off items two through four on his agenda, though with varying degrees of success.  He still thinks that just outright asking Slade about Kate Mellor or Doreen Page would raise suspicion, but he wishes he had been able to get more information out of him.  All he really learned tonight was what a fucking degenerate piece of shit Slade is.

 

“You got it,” Slade replies.  “Now,” he says, gesturing to the lines on the table, “time to have some fun.”

 

Even though Sebastian would not describe his last experience with the drug as ‘fun’, there is something compelling about the prospect of detachment, about the opportunity- just for tonight- to not be himself, and it is not only the knowledge that Slade’s eyes are on him that draws him to the table.  He kneels, picks up the straw, and locks eyes with Stefano, whose pupil is already dilated and who is glancing back and forth between Sebastian and the line on the table as though as he can’t decide which one he wants to devour first.

 

“You’ll be alright,” Stefano murmurs.  He slips his free hand into Sebastian’s, fingers flexing in a gentle squeeze, and leans over to snort his line off the table.  Sebastian takes a deep breath and does the same.

 

At once, he feels warm and slightly dizzy, and a rush of euphoric excitement sweeps through his chest.  He laughs, clutching Stefano’s hand.

 

“Jay, show Sebastian to one of the bedrooms,” Slade says from somewhere behind him, but it feels like somewhere far away, and Sebastian is a little surprised when someone seizes him by the arm and pulls him to his feet.  Jay tries to lead him out of the room, but his other hand is still holding Stefano’s, and they come to an abrupt halt.

 

“I’ll be right behind you, Sebastian,” Stefano says dreamily.  “Just give me a minute to freshen up.”

 

Sebastian’s brain feels like it is full of cotton and his thoughts are soft, insubstantial things that are pressed down under the weight of Slade’s gaze and the sounds from the porno playing on the TV, but he doesn’t want to let go of Stefano, doesn’t like the way Slade is already lifting up the back of Stefano’s robe.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says with a roll of his eye.  He uses his other hand to pry Sebastian’s fingers from his, and then Sebastian is moving, being pulled out into the hall by Jay, who doesn’t speak or look at him or do any of the other things that normal human beings do when they are interacting with someone.

 

Sebastian’s feet feel heavy, but at least he can still move them, and he manages to stay upright, staggering along in Jay’s wake until Jay unceremoniously deposits him on a bed in an otherwise empty room.

 

The music is muffled, but it pulses up from the floor, tickles the tiny hairs all over his body.  There is a fan running somewhere in the room.  There are shouts and moans and indistinct voices drifting up from the lower floor, but all of it is drowned out by his own heartbeat.  He rolls onto his back, arm draped over his eyes, because the glare from the overhead light is blinding him.

 

 

 

He may have been lying here for minutes or hours or days- he can’t be sure- when a whiff of orange reaches his nostrils, and a hand lifts his arm off of his face.  Stefano is smiling down at him, his pupil so blown out that Sebastian could get lost in it, swallowed up in darkness so deep that the blue ring around it is barely visible.  Stefano’s hand is stroking his cheek, holding him here in this moment.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano murmurs, and Sebastian raises his hand to place it over Stefano’s so that he doesn’t drift away again.  The waves of sound lap at him, drawing him away from the room, away from the house, but Stefano is coming with him, so it must be okay.

 

 

 

When Sebastian opens his eyes again, the room is draped in shadow, faint light coming from a small lamp on the bedside table.  He shifts against the sheets and realizes that he is completely naked, wonders what happened to his clothes, what happened to the sample, but all of those thoughts are banished when the bed dips and Stefano lies down next to him.

 

“What do you want, Sebastian?” Stefano purrs.  His hand touches Sebastian’s bare chest and Sebastian groans aloud, because that is Stefano’s hand on his skin and it tickles and it burns and why won’t anyone touch him anymore?  He wants.  He needs.  He reaches clumsily for the belt of Stefano’s robe.

 

Stefano’s hands cover his, help him untie the knot, and then Stefano is laying the robe open, baring himself completely to Sebastian’s eyes and his hands and his intentions, and Sebastian could almost cry because Stefano puts so much more trust in him than he puts in himself.

 

 

 

“Sebastian, Sebastian.”  Sebastian can hear his own name being chanted like a prayer as his fingers skim over Stefano’s body, Stefano’s skin so warm and soft and inviting under his fingertips, under his palms.  Every whisper-soft touch is a crackle of static electricity, and Sebastian is afraid that firmer pressure will complete the circuit and light both of them up completely.

 

Stefano feels so good under his hands, and he feels so good touching Stefano, and he doesn’t want it to end, wants more, wants Stefano to touch those secret, private places where no one touches him anymore, and maybe Stefano would like that too.  His hand slides down Stefano’s body, drawn by warmth and excitement and curiosity.

 

 

 

“Sebastian.”  His name is a breathy moan, tickling his ear as Stefano’s arms wrap around his shoulders and his hand slips down between Stefano’s legs.  Stefano is soft under his hand, so soft and hairless and exposed, and Sebastian isn’t doing anything more than covering him with his palm, but Stefano is gripping him so tightly, whispering his name with such urgency as one of his legs comes up to rest on Sebastian’s hip.

 

Sebastian exerts the tiniest amount of pressure, and Stefano is trembling against him like a leaf in a high wind, whining high and needy and desperate, and Stefano is burning under his hand, rubbing against him with small, delicate movements of his hips.  Stefano’s teeth are on his collarbone, setting off a blaze of sensation, and Sebastian is squeezing and massaging and-

 

“No,” Stefano whispers suddenly, his palms coming to rest flat against Sebastian’s chest as he starts to push away, and Sebastian lets him go, because no matter how drugged-up or aroused or lost in his own head he is, he knows what ‘no’ means.

 

“What’s wrong?” he asks, voice coming out slurred.  Stefano is still well within his reach, shaking and staring wide-eyed at Sebastian, but Sebastian doesn’t reach for him.  Stefano is a cornered animal, trembling in the throes of his fight-or-flight response, and Sebastian simply waits.

 

Stefano breathes, reaches out to grasp Sebastian’s upper arm.  His touch is magnified, but Sebastian is still too focused on him to enjoy it.  “Forgive me,” he says quietly.  “I am not myself.”

 

Sebastian wouldn’t know.  Sebastian doesn’t know who Stefano is.

 

 

 

“Just hold me down,” Stefano is saying softly in his ear.  “If it happens again, just hold me down.”

 

Sebastian is preoccupied with a place just inside Stefano’s elbow where the skin is so perfectly soft.  He strokes it over and over again, feels Stefano shiver, and responds, “No, I won’t do that.”

 

“Please,” Stefano murmurs.  “I trust you.  It’s much worse if one of them has to come in.”

 

Sebastian presses his lips to the newly discovered patch of skin, and Stefano moans, “Oh god, Sebastian,” as his hand tangles in Sebastian’s hair.

 

 

 

“Sebastian, what are you doing?”  Stefano’s voice is smooth and relaxed and pours into his ear like warm honey.

 

“Nothing.”  Sebastian isn’t doing anything.  He is simply existing.  He and Stefano are existing together as one being, fused from head to toe, wrapped in Sebastian’s arms without an inch of space between them.  He wants to be even closer, to be absorbed into Stefano’s body, to intermingle himself with Stefano.

 

He tries to snuggle closer, and Stefano laughs, and the vibrations are little ripples of pleasure that pool in his belly.  “Is this what you like, Sebastian?  Does this please you?”

 

His own laughter shakes his whole body, and he rolls onto his back, pulling Stefano with him, and every inch of Stefano is pressing down on him, and Sebastian wants to sink into the mattress, wants to be safe and surrounded by softness and warmth and the smell of Stefano.

 

 

 

Stefano is under him, and his face is buried in Stefano’s neck as he inhales, tries to draw the essence of Stefano into his lungs.  He draws himself up into a crouch, ready to burrow further down into the nest of clothes and blankets and Stefano, when Stefano’s hand is between his legs and he nearly jumps out of his skin, because pleasure and pain and raw, naked sensation are exploding behind his eyes, and he is shaking and he might fly apart himself into a million pieces.

 

“Shhh,” Stefano soothes.  “You’re alright.”

 

He can hide his face in Stefano’s neck as he gasps for air, but he can’t hide from Stefano’s hand, which is holding and fondling and touching an exposed nerve, and it’s too much to bear.  He can’t get his breath, and his head is spinning, and Stefano’s voice is in his ear.

 

“Breathe, Sebastian.”

 

There is a blinding flash of white behind his eyes, and then darkness.

 

 

 

He is laid out on a table in some sort of operating theatre, arms and legs strapped down.  The light over his head is blinding, and he can barely make out the shadows of men moving just outside the ring of light.  He tries to turn his head, to look at them, but there are hands holding his face.

 

“Keep him still,” a heavily accented voice says.

 

 

 

He is on his back, the bed still soft under him, light filtering through something that covers his head.  He can still smell Stefano, can feel Stefano lying across his chest, hands on either side of his head, can hear Stefano murmuring a string of comfort and nonsense and gentle words that bathe his ears.

 

“Careful, he’s not as deep this time.”

 

Sebastian goes tense, tries to jerk up into a sitting position, because that voice is not Stefano’s, and someone else is here.  But Stefano’s weight is heavy on his chest, and his arms are pinned to the bed, one underneath Stefano and the other by some unknown set of hands.

 

“Easy, Sebastian,” Stefano says, voice sing-song and close to his ear as Stefano’s hands caress his face through the cloth.

 

There is a hot, blinding flash of pain just inside his elbow, and he struggles, tries to twist away again, but he is held fast, and a strangled cry escapes his throat.  It sounds strange, inhuman to his ears, but no one else seems to react to it.  Then his arm is being released, and Stefano is rolling onto his side, taking Sebastian with him.

 

“Shhh,” Stefano murmurs.  “Come here.  It’s alright.”

 

Stefano is safe, and his words are a balm on Sebastian’s tortured nerve endings.  He presses closer, buries his face in Stefano’s neck and tries to let go of this lingering feeling of unease, because Stefano won’t let anything happen to him.

 

There is a sharp pain in the back of his head.

 

 

 

Myra is pressed up against him, her naked chest on his and her arms wrapped around him as her breath tickles his ear.  “Touch me, Sebastian.  I need to feel you.”

 

Sebastian draws back to put his hands on her, but suddenly he realizes that they are in Lily’s room, and they can’t do this here.  He turns to Lily’s bed and finds it empty, and Myra is crying again, sinking down onto the floor, and Sebastian follows her down, takes her hands in his even as she is melting away like wax.

 

“Sebastian, please,” she sobs, but he can’t touch her, can’t hold her, can’t give her what she needs.

 

 

 

Stefano is gently combing through his hair with his fingers, and Sebastian turns his head so that his face is buried in Stefano’s chest.  “What’s wrong with me?” he whispers against Stefano’s skin.

 

“You are not fucking me,” Stefano replies, as though this is the obvious answer to Sebastian’s problem.

 

Sebastian starts to laugh, but comes up short.  Maybe that really is what’s wrong with him.  Maybe Myra left him because he couldn’t satisfy her, couldn’t protect their child, couldn’t be the man she needed him to be.  He freezes, lost in thought.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says, ruffling his hair.  “You know that is not what I meant.”

 

 

 

“Do you want to fuck me, Sebastian?” Stefano is whispering in his ear.  “You won’t have to do anything.  Just lie back and let me take care of you.”

 

Stefano is a warm weight on top of him, straddling his hips, putting pressure right where he needs it most.  And Sebastian wants to imagine fucking Stefano, to imagine having that intimate connection to someone, wants to feel Stefano warm and alive and writhing in pleasure in his arms, but his mind can’t create those images.

 

He can only see Riker and Young and Lance forcing themselves into Stefano as he sobbed and struggled, can see Slade trying to penetrate his eye socket, can see what he has suffered at the hands of hundreds or thousands of nameless, faceless men in those rooms downstairs.

 

“No,” he gasps, before the tears start to run, unbidden, down his face.  He wraps his arms fully around Stefano, pulls him down against his chest, buries his face in Stefano’s shoulder, and sobs.  His heart is breaking, and there is a gaping hole in his chest, and his tears can’t right this wrong and they can’t help him find Myra and they can’t bring back Lily but he pours them out onto Stefano anyway.

 

“Oh, Sebastian,” Stefano breathes in his ear.  “What have they done to you?”

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No,” Stefano answers with a slight shake of his head. “I came here tonight because I needed a moment away from everything. Even if I have to return in a few hours. Even if it is going to be twice as bad when I do return.” He shudders, and Sebastian’s chest goes tight again, because of course Stefano needs a moment away from that. Anyone would.
> 
> Sebastian covers his reaction by finishing his drink, but Stefano’s admission weighs heavy on him. Stefano came here because he trusts Sebastian, because he feels safe with Sebastian, and Sebastian should be doing more to keep him safe.

 

 

Sebastian wakes up with a headache and a terribly dry mouth, but he’s relieved to find that this time he isn’t puking his guts his out.  He also finds that he is alone, and this realization brings a lump to his throat, a feeling that is something like loss.  He shakes it off.  It isn’t his first time waking up alone, and it certainly won’t be his last.

 

He fumbles on the nightstand for his cell phone and finds it along with a note and a small plastic baggie.  The baggie jogs his memory, and he remembers that he was at Slade’s last night.  So where is Stefano?

 

He picks up the note, rolling onto his back and holding it up over his face.  It takes his eyes a moment to focus, but then he is able to read the neat script.

 

_Sebastian,_

_Thank you for a lovely evening.  You are an exceptional man and a very considerate lover.  I am truly sorry that I could not be here when you woke up, but please message me.  I would like very much to see you again._

_Stefano_

_PS- Don’t forget your sample._

Sebastian sighs, setting the note back down on the table and stretching his arms up over his head.  He is once again in only his boxer-briefs, which is just fine, because the room is still uncomfortably warm.  He casts about in his mind for what happened last night, because he isn’t exactly sure why Stefano is calling him a considerate lover, and that seems like the sort of thing he should remember.

 

What he does remember is the women sitting on the couch in Slade’s front room taking advantage of a moment of respite before Jay sent them back to work, the mindless drug-addled people swaying back and forth in Slade’s party room, the woman who was making a terrified break for the exit before Riker apprehended her.  He shudders.  He doesn’t want to think about what happens behind closed doors at Slade’s house.

 

He remembers talking to Slade, asking him questions to try to tease out what, if anything, he knew about the dead and missing prostitutes.  He did gain a few pieces of information, but it seems like it was largely a wasted effort.  He remembers Slade making some truly vile statements about the lengths he goes to in order to ensure that his escorts are pleasing to the clients, and he remembers taking a hit with Stefano.

 

After that, things are blurrier, but he does remember lying down with Stefano, remembers Stefano laying his robe open, remembers his hands on Stefano and Stefano’s hands on him.  He remembers feeling good, really good, maybe for the first time in years and wonders what the drugs have done to him, what wires have been crossed in his brain that Stefano can make him feel like that.

 

To further complicate things, he remembers Myra and Lily and a voice he didn’t recognize.  He remembers uncertainty, even fear, times when he couldn’t seem to move the way he wanted to.  He remembers moments in time vividly but can’t seem to connect them together.

 

He finally stops trying to remember, because his head is spinning all over again, and it’s not making his headache any better.  He rolls onto his side and leans over to check the nightstand again, just to make sure that the sample is still there in its plastic baggie.  It might be the most useful thing he got out of last night.

 

What he needs to do now is to get that sample analyzed, and then find a way to get back into Slade’s house on a party night but without the obligatory drug trip.  He feels certain that if he could do that, he’d have an opportunity to do some exploring and learn a lot more about Slade’s operation, maybe even take a look at some of his records.  He’ll have to ask Stefano if there’s a way to pull that off.  It can’t be too hard when Slade has only six people working security and the house is full.

 

Next to the baggie is a full glass of water.  It certainly wasn’t here when he left for Slade’s, but it’s the perfect thing for his dry mouth and impending migraine.  He smiles to himself as he reaches for it.

 

 

 

 

The bar is already crowded when Sebastian gets there, but Joseph waves to him from a booth near the back.  Sebastian picks his way through the other patrons, almost ends up in the middle of someone’s bachelor party, and is silently cursing himself for agreeing to meet Joseph in a popular bar on a Saturday evening when he arrives at the table.

 

“I forgot how busy this place gets,” Joseph says, adjusting his glasses.  “Good thing I already got you a beer.”  He gestures to the two bottles on the table.

 

Sebastian takes a seat and eyes the bottle in front of him suspiciously.  He can already tell that it’s not what he would call a beer, but one of those fancy craft brews that Joseph favors.

 

“Seb,” Joseph sighs.  “It won’t hurt you to drink something that’s not toilet water occasionally.”

 

“Certainly not, good sir,” Sebastian says in his fanciest fake accent, picking up the bottle with his pinkie extended and raising it to his lips as Joseph shakes his head in mock frustration.  Sebastian would never admit it to Joseph, but it is much more flavorful than his usual fare.  Too fancy for every day though- it’s more suited to someone like Joseph…or maybe Stefano.  Of course, Stefano prefers cocaine, and Stefano’s preferences are none of his concern.

 

He and Joseph make idle talk about what’s going on at work, Joseph’s latest drug bust, and how much turnover there’s been in Homicide recently before Joseph gets down to business.

 

“Seb,” he begins, fixing Sebastian with the look he uses when he knows a suspect is about to confess, “how are you doing?”  Sebastian starts to answer, but Joseph holds up a hand and adds, “And don’t lie to me.  I’ve known you for a long time.”

 

Sebastian pauses and arranges his thoughts.  It’s a little troubling that his first instinct actually was to lie to Joseph, but then he realizes that he doesn’t have to lie.  Joseph asked how he’s doing, not what he’s doing, although they’re probably going to get to that at some point.  Plus, there might be a way he can spin this question to help him accomplish another one of his goals.

 

“Not great,” he answers finally, letting his shoulders slump.  He’s not a great actor, but fortunately this doesn’t require a lot of acting.  “My job was pretty much the only thing I had to look forward to, and without it, I don’t really know what to do anymore.”

 

Joseph nods in sympathy, and Sebastian continues, “If I’m at home, all I can think about is Myra and Lily, so I’ve been staying in a motel lately.”

 

“I know,” Joseph says.  “I stopped by your house a couple of times to check on you.”

 

Sebastian shakes his head.  “I should’ve known.”  He really should have.  That’s exactly like Joseph, and now Sebastian feels guilty all over again for not telling Joseph what he’s been doing, because Joseph at least deserves the opportunity to talk him out of it.  “Just too many memories there.  Makes it hard to think about anything else.”

 

Joseph rests his elbows on the table, folding his hands and propping his chin on them.  “Sebastian, I know it was your decision not to take any time off after…what happened, but maybe you need some time to process things.”  Joseph’s delivery is so tentative and his face so imploring that Sebastian is sure Joseph expects him to dismiss his suggestion immediately.

 

Sebastian slowly nods his head.  He doesn’t want to agree so readily that Joseph becomes suspicious, but this is helping to lay the groundwork for his next move.  “I don’t know,” he says.  “I was so focused on work, and it seemed like the right thing to do at the time, but now I’m not so sure.”  He pauses for dramatic effect, before he adds, “I mean, I realized I’ve been making some pretty big mistakes lately.”

 

Sebastian sips his beer, and Joseph asks, “What kind of mistakes?”

 

Sebastian sets his beer on the table and rakes a hand through his hair, doing his best to look embarrassed by what he’s about to say.  “Do you remember that house party I told you about on Dover Street?  The one I broke up about three or four days before I went on leave?”

 

“Yes,” Joseph replies.

 

“Well, I thought I got everything vouchered and sent to the lab, but apparently I misplaced one of the narcotics samples we seized.”

 

“What?” Joseph looks alarmed for a moment before he plasters his sympathetic expression back onto his face.  “Where is it now?”

 

“In the lockbox in my jeep,” Sebastian answers, trying to look apologetic.  “I figured I’d keep it there to try to reduce chain of custody issues, but I’m still pretty sure Hollister’s going to kill me.”

 

“That she is,” Joseph says with a sigh, “but why don’t you give it to me?  I can voucher it and send it to the lab.  You’re still going to have a lot of explaining to do when the case comes up, but at least we’ll be on the right track.”

 

“Thanks, Joseph,” Sebastian says.  “You’re the best.”  Joseph really is the best, for so many reasons, and Sebastian feels a twinge of guilt for having to involve him at all, but he can’t see another way to get the sample from Slade’s house to the lab.  He won’t have access to the forms he needs until he’s back on duty, and by then it might be too late.  “Do you think they’ll get to it in time?” he adds just for good measure.

 

“I’ll put a rush on it,” Joseph says.  “And I think that’s going to be the least of your worries when you’re explaining this to Hollister.  Banks probably isn’t going to be thrilled either.”

 

“No, he won’t,” Sebastian agrees.  “But I guess this proves his point.  Maybe I do need to take some time off to get my shit together.”  He looks down at the table.  Everything he’s saying is calculated to put Joseph at ease and get the sample to the lab, but now that he’s actually saying it, some of it feels much too close to the truth.  He takes another swig of his beer, wishing he had something stronger.  He’ll have to stop at the liquor store on the way back to his motel room.

 

“Seb,” Joseph says, his expression softening.  “If it was me…if my daughter had…”  Joseph’s voice trails off, but Sebastian isn’t going to make him finish that thought, because no one should have to think about something like that.

 

“I’d insist that you take some time off,” Sebastian offers, “but this isn’t you, this is-”

 

“Are you so different from the rest of us?” Joseph cuts in, his voice rising a little.  “Are you above all of this?”  Sebastian starts to protest, but Joseph cuts him off.  “I know you hold yourself to a higher standard, but you need to think about why that is.  You’re not superhuman, Seb.  It’s okay to admit that things affect you.”

 

That hits close to home, because Sebastian spends his days trying not to feel.  He wonders if he even knows how to feel anymore, whether he could turn his feelings back on if he wanted to.  This isn’t the time for that discussion though.  “I know, Joseph,” he says quietly.  “It’s just nice to get out sometimes and think about something else.”

 

Joseph takes the hint perfectly and starts talking about a comical mishap that Lorton had a few days ago, and pretty soon they are both laughing, and the tension between them is ebbing away.

 

After they’ve each finished their beer, which is really just a warm-up for Sebastian, Joseph rises and yawns and says that he needs to get going so that he can catch a nap before his shift starts.  Sebastian thanks him for the beer and thanks him again for taking the sample to the lab.  Joseph just smiles, pats him on the arm, and takes the sample, promising to text him the voucher number for his notes.  Then Joseph gets in his car and takes off for his home and his family and his job, and Sebastian is left wondering what the hell to do next.

 

He ends up driving to the liquor store and picking up a bottle of cheap whiskey, though he is a bit surprised when the cashier greets him by name.  He knows he drinks more than he should.  That would be obvious to anyone, but after all the shit that went down yesterday he just needs to clear his head and settle his nerves.

 

That plan goes out the window as soon as Sebastian pulls into a parking space at the motel, because there is a figure skulking in the shadows near the door to his room.  He takes the keys out of the ignition and casually drops them onto the floorboard at his feet.  He bends down to retrieve them, taking care to keep his eyes on the shadowy figure, but actually he is focused on opening the lockbox under the seat and grabbing his revolver.   He’s done it so many times he doesn’t even need to glance down.

 

He steps out of the jeep, shuts the door, and takes a few more steps toward the figure, gun in hand.  He’s about to call out to the intruder, but his eyes are starting to adjust now, and he recognizes the profile, the graceful slouch of this man’s body against the wall.

 

“Stefano?” he calls.  Stefano visibly startles, head whipping around to face Sebastian as he almost drops his cigarette.  Sebastian has clearly caught him off guard, but he seems to recover quickly enough.

 

“Sebastian.”  There is a tiny tremor in his voice, though it’s plastered over by his usual smooth affect.

 

“What’s going on?” Sebastian asks, because the only reason for Stefano to turn up unexpectedly would be if something went wrong in the investigation.  “Why didn’t you text me?”

 

“My apologies,” Stefano says, flicking the ash from his cigarette with a shaky hand.  “I left in a bit of a hurry.  May I come in?”

 

“Sure,” Sebastian says, pulling out his keycard and swiping it.  He pushes the door open, finding with some relief that the air conditioner has made it at least a few degrees cooler in here than it is outside.  He is suddenly glad that he’s only had one beer tonight, because he doesn’t know what Stefano wants, and he needs to be on his toes to deal with him.  Hopefully he can resolve whatever this is, send Stefano on his way, and then slip into the waiting arms of the bottle of whiskey that he left in the passenger’s seat.

 

Stefano stubs out his cigarette and tosses it into the trash can as he enters, then sinks down onto the bed.  The lighting in the room isn’t very good, but it’s still better than outside, and Sebastian can see now that Stefano is shaking all over.  He wonders when his last hit was.

 

“What’s up?” he asks, closing the door and setting the deadbolt.

 

Stefano shakes his head slowly, eye fixed on the floor.  “Must I tell you?” he asks, raising his head slightly to meet Sebastian’s gaze.

 

“Is it related to the investigation?” Sebastian asks.

 

“No,” Stefano says with another shake of his head.  “It has merely been a very unpleasant evening.”

 

There’s that word that Sebastian is coming to hate so much, although now that they’ve escalated to ‘very unpleasant’, Sebastian isn’t sure he even wants to try to imagine what Stefano is talking about.  Technically this isn’t his problem, but Stefano is his informant, and he apparently came here because he felt unsafe at Slade’s house, so Sebastian needs to at least reassure him enough to keep him on board with their plan.  The fact that he feels something in his chest tighten when he sees Stefano in this condition has nothing to do with it.

 

He drops into a chair across from Stefano.  “I’m sorry,” he says.  Stefano seems to be searching his face to determine how genuine his feelings are.  “Can I get you a drink?  I have a bottle in the car.”

 

Stefano seems to consider this for a moment.  “Very well,” he says finally.  “But I should not have too much.  I will need to go back in a few hours.”

 

Sebastian is about to suggest that Stefano should never go back to Slade’s house, but realizes that Stefano would surely reject this idea and that he needs Stefano to get back into Slade’s house himself.  “I’ll be right back,” he says.

 

It takes him less than two minutes to retrieve the bottle from his vehicle and some ice from the machine outside and return to the room, but Stefano seems somehow smaller when he comes back, seems to have retreated into himself a little farther.

 

Sebastian scoops ice into two glasses and pours the whiskey, considering his approach.  Clearly whatever happened at Slade’s house is bothering Stefano significantly, and Sebastian probably needs to know more about it if it is going to affect Stefano’s ability to participate in his plan, but he’s also sure that if he starts right in on it, Stefano will shut down on him like he did the other morning.

 

He hands one of the glasses to Stefano, deciding to try talking about something he hopes Stefano will enjoy more.  “Those are some text messages you’ve been sending me,” he begins, lifting his own glass to his lips and draining it.

 

Stefano sips his drink, but when he lowers his glass there is a faint smile on his face.  “Did you enjoy them?” he asks, eye fixed on Sebastian.

 

“Probably more than I should have,” Sebastian admits, pouring himself another drink.  His lips and throat are buzzing pleasantly from the alcohol, and it doesn’t seem so ridiculous to admit to Stefano that the text messages turned him on a little bit, even if he was mostly playing along for the investigation.  “Is that how you talk to all of your clients?”

 

The question hangs in the air between them, and Stefano looks down at the floor, a slight blush coloring his visible cheek.  He sips his drink again, and then lifts his head to meet Sebastian’s eyes.  “Not all of them.”

 

Sebastian sips his second drink, wondering why he asked that question and if he truly wanted to hear the answer.  He isn’t entirely surprised, though it can be hard to tell when Stefano is expressing his genuine feelings and when he is putting on his escort act.  Sebastian isn’t even sure where he stands with Stefano, whether he is being treated as a client or as a partner.

 

“I am sorry that I am not very good company this evening,” Stefano says suddenly, jarring Sebastian out of his thoughts.

 

“You know you don’t have to be good company for me, right?”  His voice comes out harsher and louder than he intended, and Stefano jumps a little.  Sebastian lowers his voice as he continues.  “I’m not one of your clients.  You’re not here to please me.”

 

“No,” Stefano replies.  “I am here to assist you in your investigation.”  He sips his drink again, though his raised eyebrow feels like a challenge to Sebastian.

 

“That’s not why you came here tonight though,” Sebastian says, raising his own eyebrow at Stefano.

 

“No,” Stefano answers with a slight shake of his head.  “I came here tonight because I needed a moment away from everything.  Even if I have to return in a few hours.  Even if it is going to be twice as bad when I do return.”  He shudders, and Sebastian’s chest goes tight again, because of course Stefano needs a moment away from that.  Anyone would.

 

Sebastian covers his reaction by finishing his drink, but Stefano’s admission weighs heavy on him.  Stefano came here because he trusts Sebastian, because he feels safe with Sebastian, and Sebastian should be doing more to keep him safe.

 

“That’s fine,” Sebastian says.  “It’s fine to come here if you just need a break.  You don’t even have to talk to me if you don’t want to.  Would you rather take a nap or a shower or something?”

 

Stefano finishes his drink and gives Sebastian a faint smile.  “Nonsense, I enjoy talking to you.  Though lying down does sound rather nice.”  He hands his glass to Sebastian and removes his shoes and jacket before stretching out on the bed with his head on one of the pillows.  Sebastian is about to point out that there is a perfectly good bed on the other side of the room, but Stefano seems thoroughly content to lie in Sebastian’s untidy tangle of sheets.

 

“Are you going to join me?”  Stefano’s eye is open again, and that small, hopeful smile is back on his face.

 

Sebastian opens his mouth to politely explain why he cannot lie down with Stefano, but realizes that he doesn’t have an actual reason.  He can’t say he’s married, because he hasn’t seen his wife in two years.  Professionalism is out, since he’s gone rogue, which leaves him with the simple question of whether or not he wants to lie down with Stefano.

 

He doesn’t want to delve too deeply into this question at the moment, and the hazy memories he has of lying with Stefano are all very pleasant.  He is still thinking it over when Stefano sighs and sits halfway up, leaning on one elbow.  “What exactly do you think I am going to do to you?”

 

Sebastian laughs at that and moves to sit on the bed next to Stefano, abandoning his glass.  “I’m not sure,” he replies.  “Maybe some of those things from the text messages,” he offers, feeling his face flush hot.

 

“Mmmm,” Stefano hums, scooting over to rest his head on Sebastian’s thigh.  “A very interesting proposal.”  He pauses.  “I am afraid I am not presentable for some of those activities at the moment, though I am happy to use my mouth if that would please you.”

 

Sebastian is brought up short, both by the fact that Stefano seems to be slipping back into escort mode, and his assertion the he is ‘not presentable’.  He struggles to keep his voice calm as he asks, “What do you mean ‘not presentable’?  Do you need medical attention?”

 

“No,” Stefano replies.  “It is nothing that won’t heal with time and maybe some of Slade’s medications.”

 

A surge of anger rises up inside Sebastian, because he knows about Slade’s ‘medications’, and he never got a chance to talk to Stefano about any of this, and maybe he does get a little emotional when he drinks.  Before he realizes what he is doing he has gathered Stefano up in his arms and pulled him against his chest.  “Fuck Slade,” he growls, because he can’t think of anything that better summarizes how he feels about that asshole.

 

“Sebastian!” Stefano gasps, “not so tight, please.”

 

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Sebastian says quickly, releasing Stefano.  “Are you alright?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, “and you can hold me if you like, just perhaps a bit more gently?”

 

“Sure,” Sebastian says.  It’s probably just alcohol and residual anger and a long time with no meaningful human contact, but he does want to hold Stefano.  He takes off his boots and lies down on the bed himself, letting Stefano decide the best arrangement for his comfort.  Stefano ends up on his side, pressed up against Sebastian with one arm draped over him, and as Sebastian wraps his arms carefully around Stefano, he has to admit that it feels pretty damn good.

 

“This is much better,” Stefano sighs.  “Like last night…”

 

“What?” Sebastian asks.  “At Slade’s house?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano says, his hand absently stroking Sebastian’s chest.  “You seem to be more…affectionate than aroused when you are under the influence.”

 

“Oh,” Sebastian says, realizing what Stefano must be talking about.  “So nothing happened?”

 

“Nothing too scandalous,” Stefano replies.  “There was some touching and holding, but you didn’t want to do anything more than that.  Did you find it pleasurable?”

 

“The uh…touching and holding were nice,” Sebastian says, feeling his face flush again, because he does remember parts of last night, like blurry photos in his brain.  “But it’s still pretty disorienting for me.”

 

He remembers Stefano asking if he wanted to fuck him, the images that played in his head.  He wants to tell Stefano about it, to explain why he couldn’t do it, but Stefano came here for a break.  Sebastian is certain that he won’t want to relive any of those difficult moments or to have to explain his lifestyle to Sebastian again.

 

Stefano pats him on the chest.  “I suppose that is the appeal of it for some people.  Are there not things that you wish to forget, Sebastian?”

 

“Yes,” he answers without hesitation.  Of course there are things he wants to forget, but even when he is under the influence of the drugs, he doesn’t seem entirely able to disengage from the dark thoughts, the intrusive memories that weave their way into the more pleasant sensations.  This reminds him of another question he’s been meaning to ask Stefano.

 

“Was someone else in the room with us last night?” Sebastian says.  “I thought I heard another voice.”

 

“Probably one of Slade’s men,” Stefano replies.  “They come in to check on us from time to time.”  Sebastian isn’t sure whether this is what he is remembering, but it sounds like a plausible reason for his memory of the unfamiliar voice.

 

“Speaking of Slade’s men,” Sebastian says, “Do I need to worry about any of them coming here to look for you?”

 

“No,” Stefano replies with confidence.  “This is a party night.  They will not be able to spare anyone to leave the house.”

 

“Well, at least that’s something,” Sebastian says.  He hadn’t considered it before, but Riker knows exactly where to find him, and Sebastian doesn’t want to give him any reason to come here.

 

“Can I sleep a little?” Stefano asks.  “Will you wake me in an hour?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian replies, moving his arms so that Stefano can get comfortable, but apparently, Stefano already is comfortable, because he doesn’t budge.  Sebastian lets his arms come to rest around Stefano again, and it feels nice and pleasant and right, and he isn’t sure what to think, but it doesn’t matter, because he can already feel Stefano relaxing into sleep.

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stefano hands him the car keys. “Let me go in ahead of you,” he says. “We do not want it to look as though we have been together. Then he may be angry at you as well. Wait until I am inside the door before you approach.”
> 
> Sebastian nods. “Anything else?”
> 
> “You will need to be quick,” Stefano replies, then adds, “and be careful. I am growing accustomed to having you around.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art for this chapter by [Noctambularis](http://noctambularis.tumblr.com/).

 

 

Sebastian is thoroughly confused when his alarm jolts him awake, because he was so determined not to doze off.  Stefano awakens less abruptly, and he is still curled up against Sebastian after he has shut off the alarm.

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian says.

 

“Hmmm?” Stefano responds, voice still thick with sleep.

 

“It’s been an hour.”  There is a part of Sebastian, a part that is becoming more dominant with every passing day, that doesn’t want Stefano to return to Slade’s house- now or ever-, but there is also the part of him that wants to unravel this tangle of disappearances and murders, the part that manages to justify all of this.  Stefano has been living a dangerous life for years, surely a few more days won’t make a big difference.  And those few more days may yield the information Sebastian needs to solve the case.

 

Stefano stirs, shifting to rest more of his weight on Sebastian.  “You stayed here with me?”

 

“I fell asleep,” Sebastian admits.

 

Stefano’s eye is closed, and his hand glides up and down Sebastian’s side.  “It is very pleasant to sleep next to you.”

 

Sebastian is about to ask Stefano what the hell that’s supposed to mean, but it hits him that, for all the time that Stefano spends sleeping with people in the sexual sense, he probably rarely spends the night with anyone.  And then he remembers those first few nights after Myra left, reaching out to find the other side of the bed cold and empty and having to soothe himself back to sleep.  His chest aches, and he holds Stefano a little tighter.

 

“Well, I suppose I should be going,” Stefano says, attempting to sit up.  He laughs when he realizes that Sebastian is still holding on to him.  The laugh is warm and genuine, and Sebastian isn’t ready to let go of him yet, but he manages to tear his arms away so that Stefano can go into the bathroom to ‘freshen up’ as he puts it.

 

By the time Stefano emerges, Sebastian has decided that this is probably as good a time as any to ask him about their next move.  “Stefano, is there any way I could get into one of Slade’s parties without having to take a hit?” he asks.

 

Stefano considers that for a moment.  “I suppose it is possible,” he answers cautiously, “but it would require some luck.  As you may have observed, the guests are much easier to control when they are under the influence, so he typically tries to give everyone at least one hit when they arrive.  If something happened to interrupt that, then I suppose you could spend some time in the house without taking one.”

 

“You mean a diversion?” Sebastian asks.  He wants to laugh, because he and Joseph had a running joke about creating a diversion when they were working as partners.  Sebastian is fairly certain that this one isn’t going to be as lighthearted as Joseph’s suggestions were.  “How do we pull that off?”

 

“Actually,” Stefano says, taking a seat on the bed next to Sebastian, who is putting his boots back on, “there is probably going to be a rather dramatic reaction when I return, based on the circumstances under which I left.”

 

“I see,” Sebastian says.  He doesn’t ask about those circumstances, since Stefano made it clear earlier that he doesn’t want to talk about them.  “And you think I could get in undetected while they’re dealing with you?”

 

“Not undetected exactly,” Stefano replies.  “Whoever is working the door- I believe tonight it is Murphy again- will know that you have come in of course, and typically he would radio for Jay or Riker to find you and bring you up to Slade.  But when I come back to the house, I am sure that I will occupy at least Riker, and possibly more of them, for a significant period of time.”

 

“And while they’re busy, I can check out the rest of the house?” Sebastian asks, because he thinks he’s starting to catch on to Stefano’s plan.

 

“I think it is likely that they will lose track of you initially,” Stefano answers, “and then after things calm down, they may assume that you’ve already been to see Slade if you can act appropriately disoriented.  As I said, there is an element of luck to it, but that is the best suggestion I have.”

 

“And what about you?” Sebastian asks, realizing suddenly that the reason Slade’s men aren’t going to be around to keep an eye on him is that they will most likely be inflicting some sort of punishment on Stefano.  “Will you be alright?”

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says with a tight smile, “what is going to happen to me when I return will happen regardless of whether you are present or not.  We may as well use it to our advantage if possible.”

 

As much as Sebastian wants a chance to snoop around Slade’s house, this plan isn’t doing anything to help the ache in his chest.  He runs through a few other ideas in his mind, but he has to admit that Stefano is the one in the best position to know how to pull this off.

 

“What will you be looking for?” Stefano asks.

 

“I’m not sure yet,” Sebastian answers truthfully.  “More information, maybe records if Slade keeps them- financial transactions, drug suppliers, any contacts he has in the escort business.”  That’s as much as he’s comfortable sharing with Stefano at the moment.  What he really means is that nothing about Slade’s operation makes sense, and he’s starting to suspect that Slade is involved in something much bigger.  He needs to know how big and who else is involved.

 

“You will want to go to the fourth floor then,” Stefano volunteers.  “That is where Slade has his private quarters and office.  His men stay there as well.”

 

“Thanks,” Sebastian says.  “What’s on the other floors?”

 

“You have seen most of the first floor,” Stefano says.  “The second is more party rooms and bedrooms that clients can use, and the third is where the rest of us sleep.”

 

Sebastian pauses for a moment, because the realization that Stefano has a bedroom in the house drives home the fact that he lives there day in and day out, and Sebastian really doesn’t want to think too hard about that at the moment.  Instead he asks, “And what if I get caught?”

 

“Act as though you’ve had a hit or two,” Stefano advises.  “They won’t be happy, but I know that clients have made it into restricted areas on occasion.”

 

“Got it,” Sebastian says.  He is out of questions for the moment, and Stefano has put on his blazer and shoes, so he grabs his car keys and follows him to the door.

 

Stefano drives them back to Calvert Street, after insisting that Sebastian has had two glasses of whiskey and it is not worth the risk of him driving.  Sebastian feels basically unaffected by the alcohol.  It isn’t really that much for him and it was over an hour ago, but he lets Stefano drive so that he can think about what he’s going to do when he gets to Slade’s.

 

Unfortunately, without knowing exactly how Slade and his men are going to respond to Stefano’s return, he can’t plan in very much detail, so he only knows that he somehow needs to make it up to the fourth floor undetected, spend as much time as Stefano can buy him scrounging for information, and then somehow get back into one of the public areas of the house without arousing suspicion.  It’s a tall order, but he doesn’t have a lot of options.

 

It’s around 2330 when they park on the street.  The music is already pulsing through the night air, and the street near Slade’s house is fully parked up, so Sebastian guesses that the atmosphere inside will be as disorganized as last night if not more.

 

Stefano hands him the car keys.  “Let me go in ahead of you,” he says.  “We do not want it to look as though we have been together.  Then he may be angry at you as well.  Wait until I am inside the door before you approach.”

 

Sebastian nods.  “Anything else?”

 

“You will need to be quick,” Stefano replies, then adds, “and be careful.  I am growing accustomed to having you around.”  He gives Sebastian’s arm a little pat before he strides off down the sidewalk.  Nothing in the way he moves or holds himself suggests that he is afraid to return to the house, but Sebastian has witnessed his considerable acting skills before.

 

Sebastian follows at a distance, waiting until Stefano is through the door before he begins his approach.  The music is almost deafening once he steps over the threshold.  Murphy is speaking into his microphone and holds up a hand for Sebastian to wait.  Stefano is standing behind him, looking grim.  Sebastian stops immediately and holds his position until Murphy releases the microphone and looks at him.

 

Sebastian leans forward a little and practically shouts, “Busy tonight?”

 

Murphy nods, apparently not willing to try shouting back at Sebastian over the music.  As he begins to pat Sebastian down, the floor under him shakes with more than the pulsing bass, and he looks over Murphy’s shoulder to see Riker storming down the hallway, knocking a few of Slade’s hapless guests aside.

 

Riker’s eyes are blazing, and he is staring straight at Sebastian, even when he reaches out a hand to grab Stefano by the throat.  He turns abruptly, yanking Stefano along with him, and half-carries, half-drags Stefano back down the hall.  Stefano clutches at Riker’s arm, struggles to keep his feet under him, but otherwise doesn’t resist.

 

By that point, Murphy is done with the pat-down and waves him into the house.  Sebastian skips the rooms on this floor entirely, since he knows that the information he wants won’t be in any of them.  He heads straight down the hallway to the back staircase, making a conscious effort not to listen to any of the noises coming from any of the small rooms on the right side of the hall, not to look at Stefano as Riker drags him into one of those rooms and slams the door, not to react as Jay comes flying down the stairs and lets himself into the room with Riker and Stefano.

 

There is no question in Sebastian’s mind that something awful is going to happen in there, but according to Stefano, there is nothing they can do to avoid it.  He might as well take advantage of the confusion to get upstairs.  Running the numbers, Sebastian decides that with Murphy at the door, Young and Lance most likely tending to Slade and the bar, and Riker and Jay occupied, there is nothing to keep him from heading straight for his goal.

 

He climbs the stairs, flight after flight, until he reaches the fourth floor.  He meets no one, and the music fades away the higher he goes.  He pauses on the landing, decides that if there is someone else up here, they are most likely watching the area in front of the building for any potential threats or escaping escorts.  With that in mind, he opens one of the doors closest to the back of the building and steps inside.

 

This room is dark, illuminated only by the glowing screen of a computer monitor on a desk.  It looks like an office, and it seems to be as good a place as any to start his investigation.  As his eyes adjust a little, he can see that the desk is bare except for the computer.  He shakes the mouse to wake it up and fortunately the desktop comes up with no request for a username or password.

 

The desktop is one of the stock photos, which tells him nothing about whose computer this is.  There are only two folders visible, one labeled “Business” and the other labeled “Personal”.  Sebastian opens the “Business” folder, which contains several spreadsheets.  The first one he opens is titled “Product”, and predictably it lists dates and quantities and prices, though based on the quantities, it seems to be documenting purchases by Slade from a supplier.

 

This does at least answer one of Sebastian’s questions.  Slade isn’t making this new drug on his own.  Someone is providing it to him, though Sebastian isn’t any closer to finding out who that might be.  He scans the sheet again.  There is also a column for potency, which includes a couple of different values.  This is interesting, because Slade hasn’t mentioned that there are multiple versions of the drug, and he seems like the kind of guy who would be eager to wring some more money out of his clients for a stronger formula if he thought he could get away with it.

 

Sebastian scrolls back through the dates.  Apparently Slade’s been conducting this kind of business for almost two years and keeping a record of every purchase.  Come to think of it, this whole spreadsheet seems way too organized for Slade himself.  Either he is putting on an act or one of his employees is doing his bookkeeping for him.

 

Sebastian closes this document and opens another, entitled “Escorts”.  This one has columns for names and ages and the dates they started their employment with Slade, as well as their earnings.  Scanning the names, he immediately spots several that are familiar to him: Stefano Valentini, Kate Mellor, Doreen Page, Sandra Paxton.  The last three have a date in an additional column labeled “Termination of Employment”.

 

Sebastian has never seen a pimp keep these kind of records, and he isn’t sure what to make of them, but he is already starting to get antsy about how long he’s been up here and how long Stefano can distract Slade’s men.  He closes out that document and opens the “Personal” folder, which as he suspected is mostly pornography.  This is definitely Slade’s computer, even if someone else is doing the bookkeeping.

 

Sebastian tries to open Slade’s email next, but that turns out to be password protected.  There are guys in the KCPD Computer Forensics Unit that could have it open in no time, but Sebastian isn’t one of those guys, so he abandons the attempt.  He does have a flash of brilliance about the other documents though, and he pulls his car keys from his pocket.  There is a thumb drive on his keychain, and it will certainly be safer to look at these documents later on his own laptop.

 

He plugs it into the computer and copies the entire “Business” folder onto it, then ejects it and freezes, because he swears that he just heard a footstep somewhere on this floor with him.  He turns around slowly, but he’s the only one in the room and both doors are closed.  He waits, but the only other sound is the music still pulsing up through the floor, though thankfully muffled by the two middle floors of the building.

 

He slowly lets out his breath and takes a step toward the door leading to the next room.  Even if there isn’t anyone else on this floor right now, someone could come up at any moment, and he should try to take advantage of the time he has here to see if he can discover anything else of importance.  He slowly turns the knob and pulls the door open a crack.

 

There are no actual lights on in this room either, but one wall is a bank of monitors, and it only takes Sebastian a second to recognize that they are displaying all of the rooms in the house.  Slade has the whole place under surveillance.  Sebastian feels a surge of panic as he approaches the monitors, eyes darting from screen to screen, but he can’t see himself.  It appears that there aren’t any monitors on this floor, though they are in basically every other room.

 

He can see multiple views of the main party room, and the bondage room, and the hallways.  His eye is drawn to another screen though, one that has three men in the frame.  Riker has Stefano pinned up against the wall by his throat, and Jay is standing slightly behind Riker, eyes fixed on Stefano.

 

 

 

 

Riker’s face is inches from Stefano’s, and Sebastian is sure that he is saying something to him.  He wishes there was audio monitoring as well, and no sooner has he had this thought, then he glances down at the desk below the monitor and sees a pair of headphones plugged into the surveillance set up.  He puts them on, takes a deep breath, and switches the main image to the room that Riker and Stefano are in.

 

“…think I wouldn’t know that you’d been to see him?” Riker snarls.  Stefano looks like he would recoil if he wasn’t already pressed up against a wall.  “You think I don’t know that you’ve been fucking him!”  Riker slams his fist into Stefano’s stomach, and Stefano gasps for air, raising his knees up as if to protect himself, but quickly putting his feet back on the floor when this undoubtedly makes it even harder for him to breathe.  Sebastian flinches.  Riker is a big, powerful man, and there is a lot of force behind that blow.

 

“And not just for money,” Riker continues, eyes still boring into Stefano.  “You’ve been fucking him because you like it!  You’re such a little slut for him, he doesn’t even have to pay, does he?”  Riker’s fist connects with Stefano’s stomach again, and this time Stefano’s face contorts and his mouth opens, but he makes no sound.  Sebastian’s lower lip is pinched tightly between his teeth.  Jay is staring at Stefano like a shark that smells blood in the water.

 

“Well, we’ll just have a look then, won’t we?” Riker says, taking a step back and releasing Stefano, who crumples to the floor.  “Let’s see what he’s done to you.”

 

“He…he hasn’t…done…anything…to me,” Stefano gasps, raising himself up on his elbows, but keeping his face turned toward the floor.

 

“You expect me to believe that?” Riker shouts, stomping his booted foot down in the middle of Stefano’s back.  Stefano drops to the floor and doesn’t move.  Sebastian bites down hard on his lip and curses under his breath.  He’s not sure how much more of this he can watch.

 

Riker takes his foot off of Stefano and turns away.  “You must think I’m stupid,” he says to the opposite wall.  “Did you forget how long I’ve been dealing with you?”  He turns back to Stefano, who has pulled himself into a fetal position on the floor, and kicks him hard in the stomach.  Sebastian gasps along with Stefano this time, watches as Stefano curls in on himself even more, but that doesn’t stop Riker from landing another kick and then another. 

 

“Get your clothes off,” Riker snaps, taking a step back from Stefano.  He turns to Jay.  “You can go back to your post.  I’ve got this.”

 

Jay leaves the room as Stefano slowly uncurls himself, and, pale and shaking, rises from the floor.  He undresses, staring straight ahead of him as Riker watches.  When he is finished, Riker points to a table in the center of the room.  Sebastian is just noticing it himself, as focused as he has been on Riker and Stefano.

 

There is a brief flash of something on Stefano’s face- maybe fear- but he goes to the table, bending forward at the waist to rest his chest on it.  Riker steps in close, places a hand on his lower back, and pushes him down hard against the table.  Stefano cries out and tries to twist out from under him, but Riker only puts more of his weight into it, until Stefano goes still and quiet, his face ashen.  Sebastian’s stomach gives an unsettling lurch.

 

Riker bends down, and Sebastian realizes for the first time that there are restraints on the legs of the table.  Riker secures Stefano’s legs, then moves to the other end of the table.  Stefano obediently stretches his arms out above his head so that Riker can secure them in the leather cuffs on the table’s surface.

 

“Last chance,” Riker says, circling back to the other end of the table.  “Are you going to tell me what he did to you?  Or do I have to guess?”

 

Stefano is silent, though Sebastian can see his breathing accelerate.

 

“Does he know what you like?” Riker asks, his voice getting a little softer as he reaches up to run a hand through Stefano’s hair, which makes Sebastian’s skin crawl.  It’s a disgusting mockery of the way a lover might behave, and Sebastian wants more than anything to charge downstairs, burst into that room, and punch the shit out of him, but he’s pretty sure that would result in both him and Stefano getting killed.

 

Then Riker’s fist clenches and he grips Stefano’s hair, yanking his head back.  “Does he?” he snarls, slamming Stefano’s face back down on the table.  Stefano is silent.

 

Riker releases his hair and circles around behind him.  He seems to be inspecting Stefano’s ass.  “He doesn’t like to leave marks, does he?  Doesn’t want to claim you as his own?”

 

Stefano turns to look over his shoulder as much as he can, and Sebastian almost yells at him to keep his mouth shut before he says, “There are no marks, because he hasn’t done anything to me.”

 

“God damn it, Stefano!”  Riker surges forward, shoving two thick fingers into Stefano’s ass with no warning.  Stefano gasps audibly, and his whole body goes rigid.  Riker pulls his fingers out and then drives them back in, again and again, Stefano’s body jerking a little each time he is so roughly entered.

 

“Or maybe,” Riker continues, his voice going softer again, “there are no marks because he takes his time with you.”  He twists his fingers, causing Stefano to cry out.  “Lovingly works you open with his fingers.”  He forces a third finger in, and Sebastian can see Stefano’s chest rising and falling rapidly, can see his legs shaking as Riker probes him viciously.  “Pretends that he cares about you.”  He jabs his fingers in so hard that Stefano tries to jerk away, but only makes it a few inches because of the restraints.

 

“Does he touch you here?” Riker says, almost too softly for Sebastian to hear him, as his movements slow down and his fingers seem to be stroking a particular place inside Stefano.  “Does he pretend to care about your pleasure?”

 

Stefano tries to jerk away again, but the noise he makes this time is more of a wail, long and drawn out and ending in a high, breathless gasp as Riker continues to finger him.  His movements are more controlled now, and he seems to be watching Stefano as carefully as Sebastian is, watching his breath hitch and his muscles tense as those fingers explore inside him.

 

“Please, stop,” Stefano says, his face hidden between his arms.  Sebastian can hear the tremor in his voice, and Riker must be able to hear it too, because he laughs.

 

“You don’t want that,” Riker says with a smirk.  “Look at you.  You’re already getting hard for me.”  Sebastian can’t confirm that from this angle, but Stefano’s body language does suggest that he’s aroused, however unwillingly.  “Do you get hard for him?” Riker asks.

 

“Don’t-” Stefano says, a note of fear in his voice, before Riker’s other hand is between his legs, clenching down hard, and his words end in a scream.  Sebastian winces in sympathy, because he can literally hear the pain in Stefano’s voice.  He screams again, voice breaking, as Riker twists his wrist, the muscles in his arm bulging.

 

“That’s better,” Riker says, releasing Stefano’s cock and balls and running a hand over his back.  The gesture could almost be interpreted as soothing if everything else about this scene wasn’t so awful.  Riker’s fingers are still probing Stefano, and Stefano is making little noises, whimpers and groans of discomfort, until Riker finally pulls his fingers free.  They come out streaked with blood, but at least Stefano seems to relax for a moment.

 

“See, it’s not so bad,” Riker says, his tone gentle again in that mocking sort of way as he runs his hand up and down Stefano’s back.  “All you have to do is relax and let me take care of you.”

 

It’s giving Sebastian that cold, sick feeling in his stomach again to hear how Riker talks to Stefano.  It’s almost better when he is shouting and threatening, because at least that makes sense.  It is sickening to hear his voice so soft and tender like this, unsettling in some fundamental way that Sebastian doesn’t understand and doesn’t want to.

 

Stefano seems to be completely unresponsive, but Riker keeps speaking anyway, still rubbing Stefano’s back.  “It’s alright,” he says.  “I’m here, and I forgive you, and I’ll be here long after he’s gone.”

 

Stefano raises his head and starts to make a noise of protest, but Riker talks over him.  “They’re going to take him.  You know this.  There’s no sense in pretending it can last.”

 

Stefano drops his head back down to the table.  “And even if they didn’t,” Riker continues.  “He’d move on eventually.  They always do…but I’ll still be here.”

 

He circles around the table, stopping next to Stefano’s head.  One of his hands slips between Stefano’s arms, lifts his chin up so that he is forced to look into Riker’s face.  Sebastian gets a good look at Stefano’s face as well, and it is slack and emotionless, as though all the fight has gone out of him.

 

Riker uses his other hand to brush Stefano’s hair out of his face.  “I’ll be here, and I’ll still have you, even though you look like this.”  He runs his thumb over the damaged side of Stefano’s face, just under his eye socket.  “Even though a thousand other men have fucked you.”  His thumb moves down Stefano’s cheek to the edge of his mouth.  “Even though you’re a sad, used up whore.”  He traces his thumb across Stefano’s lips, and Stefano parts them, allows Riker’s thumb to slip into his mouth.

 

Riker smiles, which is kind of frightening to see in itself, and says, “Such a sweet fucking mouth you’ve got.”  He pulls his thumb out and unbuttons and unzips his pants, dropping them a little to tug his cock out.  He’s already hard.  Sebastian’s willing to bet he’s been hard since he was punching Stefano earlier.

 

He leans forward, resting one knee on the table to bring his cock next to Stefano’s face, and Stefano obediently takes it into his mouth.  He doesn’t even flinch as Riker grabs his head and thrusts his hips forward, shoving his entire length into Stefano’s mouth in one movement, then pulls back only to push in again, over and over until Riker groans out loud.  “That’s it,” he says.  “Get it nice and wet.  This is all the lube we’ve got, so you’ll need it for what comes next.”

 

Stefano seems perfectly serene as Riker fucks his mouth, though Sebastian imagines it’s from years of this kind of treatment, and after a minute or two, Riker pulls out, ruffling Stefano’s hair in a disgustingly affectionate way as he does so.

 

Stefano says something then.  Sebastian can’t make out what it is, but he is looking up at Riker imploringly.

 

Riker frowns.  “No, not with that stunt you pulled today,” he says.  Stefano’s head drops to the table between his arms again.  “Maybe if you take my cock well you can have one after,” Riker adds.  He circles back around behind Stefano.  “In fact, just to keep it interesting…”  He turns to a counter along the wall and opens a drawer, producing a syringe and a bottle very much like the one Slade showed Sebastian yesterday.

 

The last thing Sebastian wants is a demonstration of Slade and Riker’s perversity, but he can do nothing but watch as Riker draws some of the liquid from the bottle into the syringe, and plunges it into Stefano’s buttock.

 

At first, Sebastian assumes that Stefano is just surprised, because he visibly tenses up, but even when Riker removes the needle and sets it aside, it doesn’t stop.  Sebastian can actually see the muscles clenching and unclenching in Stefano’s lower back and buttocks and thighs.  Stefano is grunting in discomfort and clutching the edge of the table in a white-knuckled grasp, but Riker wastes no time.  He grabs Stefano’s hip, lines up his cock and slams into him, and Stefano’s scream nearly makes Sebastian tear the earphones off of his head.

 

Riker fucks Stefano with powerful thrusts, shaking the table every time his hips snap forward, and Sebastian is sure that it would actually be moving if it wasn’t bolted to the floor.  After the first scream, Stefano seems to be trying to stifle his noises, though a yelp or whimper does escape him when Riker gives a particularly violent thrust.

 

Stefano is still rigid, muscles tightly clenched, and Riker groans and throws his head back as he pushes into him again and again, pumping his hips furiously as his fingers dig into Stefano’s skin.  For the first time since he started watching, Sebastian actually looks away, because it feels wrong, feels sick to be watching this, not because it is a man fucking another man, but because Riker isn’t even getting off on Stefano.  He’s getting off on the destruction of Stefano, seeing him bound and broken and dispirited and knowing that he caused it.

 

It’s over a few minutes later, as Riker shoves into Stefano one more time with a grunt.  He holds himself there for a few seconds, then pulls out, a thick strand of semen linking him to Stefano for a moment before it breaks.  He grabs a rag from the counter and wipes himself off, then tucks himself back into his pants.

 

Stefano’s muscle spasms seem to have calmed down somewhat, but he is still breathing hard and his legs are trembling.  Sebastian can only hope that this is end of it, but his heart sinks at Riker’s next words.

 

“You know what we have to do now, right?”

 

Stefano nods, though his head stays hidden between his arms.

 

“I should bring him down here, shouldn’t I?” Riker asks.  “Let him watch me clean you up.  Let him see how stretched open you are from taking my cock.”  His finger trails over Stefano’s opening, and Stefano shivers.  “Is that what you want?  To show him what a good slut you are?  Show him how much you can take?”

 

“No,” Stefano says quietly, his voice listless.

 

“You’re right,” Riker says, giving Stefano a pat.  “We should keep this between us, but we’ll still need to get you ready for him.”

 

Stefano makes a noise of protest, squirming against his bonds.

 

“Don’t worry,” Riker says.  “I’ll get you a hit or two first.”  He steps out of the frame of that camera, and Sebastian has to search the other screens to spot him again in the hallway outside the room.  He takes the headphones off for a moment, watching to see where Riker is going, whether it might be possible for him to get to Stefano, when he hears the footsteps.

 

He strains his ears, and there they are again.  The soft, measured steps are definitely on the same floor with him.  He can’t be sure which room or hallway they’re coming from, but they are getting closer.  He silently curses himself for getting so caught up watching Stefano and Riker on the monitors, because it looks like he’s run out of time to investigate here.

 

He rises to his feet and starts to move back the way he came, away from the direction of the footsteps.  The room that houses Slade’s computer is still empty, and Sebastian makes it out into the hall without seeing anyone.

 

He descends the stairs as quietly as he can, and makes it to the second floor hallway before he runs into Jay who is coming out of one of the bedrooms.

 

“What do you want?” Jay blurts, looking a little surprised to see him.  Maybe the clients aren’t usually up and about on their own.

 

Sebastian remembers Stefano’s advice and tilts his head to the side, putting on his best uncomprehending stare.  He slowly extends his arm, reaching for Jay, who jumps backward, his hand going to this waist where Sebastian can see his holstered knife.

 

“Watch it bro,” Jay says, squinting at Sebastian.  Sebastian brings his arm slowly back toward himself, doing his best to look fascinated with his own hand.  It’s the best impression he can do of someone under the influence of narcotics.

 

Jay bursts out laughing and steps toward Sebastian, clapping him on the shoulder.  “Okay, who are you looking for?” he asks.

 

“Stefano,” slurs Sebastian.

 

“Okay, bro, I got you,” Jay says.  “Just go back to your room.  I’ll get him.”

 

Sebastian stares at the ceiling, then the floor, letting himself sway a little on his feet.

 

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Jay says, shaking his head, but he is laughing as he grabs Sebastian by the arm and drags him back down the hall until he reaches an open bedroom door and shoves him inside.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art for this chapter by [Noctambularis](http://noctambularis.tumblr.com/).


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I am not going to a hospital, Sebastian,” Stefano murmurs, just before his lips wrap around Sebastian’s earlobe, sucking warm and wet and evocative of another time when Stefano’s mouth was on him like this. “Just let me enjoy you for a few more minutes.” His voice is almost hypnotic. “You smell so good. You feel so good. Will you touch me, Sebastian?”

 

 

“Wait here,” Jay says, holding up his palm to Sebastian as though he is commanding a dog.  He closes the door, and Sebastian is considering taking a peek out into the hallway to see what else is going on when he remembers the cameras and realizes he should probably continue to act drugged in case someone is watching him now.  He’s just going to have to hope that no one reviews the tapes to see him coming and going from the stairs to the fourth floor.

 

He staggers to the bed and flops down on it, thankful that the sheets seem to be reasonably clean since his face is now pressed up against them.  He wonders idly if Jay and Riker and the others spend their days doing laundry for Slade.

 

The music is pulsing up from the floor below, and Sebastian wonders how long it will be before Stefano gets up here and what sort of condition he’ll be in when he does.  His mind is still reeling from what he saw on the surveillance camera, and he doesn’t even want to think about what happened after he stopped watching.  Whatever it was, it was apparently unpleasant enough that even Riker agreed Stefano should be drugged for it.

 

There is another part of that conversation that is weighing on his mind though.  Riker said that they would take him, ‘him’ being Sebastian presumably, and Stefano seemed to accept this as a fact.  But who are ‘they’, and what does this mean about Stefano’s role in the investigation?  Sebastian always assumes that there are some things his informants are not telling him, but in this case it seems like a significant omission on Stefano’s part or possibly even a willful attempt to deceive him. 

 

His gut reaction to this is anger at Stefano, but then he remembers that Stefano didn’t seem too enthusiastic about the whole thing himself.  He wonders if Stefano would tell him more if he confronts him directly with what he overheard.  Of course, if Riker really is going to give Stefano a hit then this probably won’t be the time to try to have a serious conversation.

 

And then there is the reason that Stefano is not happy about whatever is planned for Sebastian.  Stefano’s feelings about him are apparently genuine enough and strong enough that Riker is aware of them and threatened by them.  Riker didn’t seem to be objecting to the idea of Stefano having sex with other men for money, but he was clearly angered by the idea that Stefano might seek Sebastian’s company for his own enjoyment.

 

The idea of a man being attracted to him doesn’t bother Sebastian nearly as much as he thinks it should, though that may be because Stefano is a fairly exceptional man.  His courage and his composure and the lengths he is willing to go to assist in this investigation are impressive, and if Sebastian is honest with himself, he’s a little flattered that Stefano is interested in him.  Stefano does meet a wide variety of men after all.  But this isn’t the time to explore those feelings either.

 

His goal for the moment has shifted to getting Stefano away from Riker, assessing his condition, and getting him some medical attention or at least some respite from everything he has suffered here tonight.  He is fully expecting Stefano to downplay the severity of what happened, but it was brutal to watch on the cameras, and if this sort of thing is commonplace here then Stefano is lucky to have survived this long.

 

A few more minutes go by, and Sebastian’s mind is playing out a dozen more scenarios of things that could be happening to Stefano while he waits, until his stomach turns over and he realizes that the only thing he is accomplishing is making himself sick.  Just as he is debating whether or not to get up and look out into the hall, he hears footsteps, and the door to the room opens.

 

Stefano steps over the threshold and closes the door behind him.  He is wearing his robe again, but the way he holds himself this time, the way he moves, is deliberate, and even if Sebastian hadn’t seen what he saw on the cameras, he would be able to tell that Stefano is in pain.  He can also tell that Stefano has had at least one hit from the placid look on his face, the way that he is swaying slightly on his feet.

 

“Sebastian,” he says dreamily, making no move to approach the bed.

 

Sebastian’s first impulse is to leap off the bed and wrap his arms around Stefano, but then he remembers the cameras.  If someone is watching them, this needs to look like a normal interaction between client and escort.  “Come here,” Sebastian says, reaching his hand out to Stefano.

 

Stefano takes it and steps toward him cautiously.  Even though his face is relaxed, his eye is wary, and Sebastian isn’t sure why Stefano is reacting like this, unless he is just so thoroughly traumatized or so sore that any kind of contact is unwelcome.

 

“What happened?” Sebastian asks.  He isn’t sure if Stefano knows about the cameras or if this is the time to tell him, so he plays dumb for the moment.

 

Stefano smiles gently.  “He was angry, but it was not so bad.”  Sebastian sighs.  In this instance, he hopes that Stefano is lying to him, because the alternative- that what he saw was actually ‘not so bad’ in terms of how Stefano is usually punished- is unthinkable.

 

“Come and lie down,” Sebastian says, patting the bed next to him.  Stefano sits gingerly on the edge of the bed.  The look in his eye is still a little wild, and it’s suddenly familiar to Sebastian.  He has a vague memory of seeing it before and wonders if this is a typical stage of the drug trip.

 

Eager both to reassure Stefano and to pacify anyone who might be watching on the cameras, he raises Stefano’s hand to his mouth and kisses the back of it.

 

Stefano’s expression immediately softens.  “Sebastian,” he breathes, a lazy smile tugging at his mouth as he brings his legs up and shifts to lie down beside Sebastian.  Sebastian lets go of him so that he can rearrange himself.  Apparently the drug is easing his pain somewhat, because he settles on his side with only a slight wince.

 

His hands are on Sebastian immediately, moving down the front of his body to dip underneath his shirt and glide back up along his bare skin.  The contact doesn’t burn him the way it does when he’s on the drugs, but it is still a nice, gentle, intimate touch, and it raises goosebumps on his skin.  It feels good, which is a pleasant change for Sebastian, but more importantly it preserves their cover.

 

Stefano must be able to tell that something is different, because he pauses and slips his hands out from under Sebastian’s shirt.  He takes Sebastian’s face in his hands and rests his forehead against Sebastian’s.  After a few seconds, he pulls away, a sharper, shrewder look in his eye as he regards Sebastian.  “You haven’t had a hit tonight,” he murmurs, hopefully so quietly that he won’t be audible on the surveillance system.

 

“No, I haven’t,” Sebastian whispers back.  “I faked it when I saw Jay in the hall, and he brought me in here.”

 

Stefano leans in close to his ear and whispers, “Did you find what you were looking for upstairs?”

 

“Maybe,” Sebastian answers, shivering under the warm puffs of Stefano’s breath so close to his face.  “I didn’t want to stay too long.”

 

Stefano nods.  “Probably for the best,” he says quietly, letting his hand slip from Sebastian’s face down to his arm, then lower to tug his shirt up.

 

“What are you doing?” Sebastian asks.  “I’m not-”

 

“But I am,” Stefano says.  “And if you don’t want to cause a scene, you’ll pretend you are.”  He’s pulled Sebastian’s shirt up over his head now, and Sebastian has no real option but to help him get it the rest of the way off.  He tosses it to the floor and looks back at Stefano, whose gaze is full of warmth and excitement and hunger. 

 

After what he observed on the camera, he can’t imagine why Stefano would be feeling ‘amorous’ as Stefano himself likes to put it.  Drugs or no drugs, he has to be in a lot of pain, which leaves Sebastian wondering if Stefano is simply performing his job duties.  Stefano, for his part, now seems to be intent on removing Sebastian’s pants.

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian says firmly, catching Stefano’s wrist in his hand and stilling his movements.  “Do you mind if I look at you?”

 

“Not at all,” Stefano purrs, easing his hand out of Sebastian’s grasp and untying his robe.  Sebastian carefully lifts it up, letting his eyes move up and down Stefano’s body.  Even in the dim light of the room, he can see that there is already some bruising and discoloration of Stefano’s abdomen, though he can’t be sure whether it is from what he just observed or something that happened earlier in the day.

 

“I am sorry that I am not very pleasing to the eye at the moment,” Stefano says quietly, toying with the hem of his robe.  “I assure you that I will still make this worth your while.”

 

“Stefano, for the last time, I’m not one of your clients,” Sebastian hisses at him.  “You don’t have to make this worth my while.  Now, I think we need to get you some medical attention.”

 

“Nonsense,” Stefano replies, rubbing his face on the pillow underneath him and then on Sebastian’s face.  “I’ve had much worse injuries.”  He nuzzles Sebastian’s jawline.  “If my own preferences concern you, then perhaps be a bit gentle, but otherwise I am at your service.”

 

Sebastian sighs.  He doesn’t want Stefano to be at his service.  He wants Stefano to be at a hospital, or at the very least, away from here.  Stefano must be able to guess what he is thinking, because he nuzzles his way up to Sebastian’s ear again.

 

“I am not going to a hospital, Sebastian,” he murmurs, just before his lips wrap around Sebastian’s earlobe, sucking warm and wet and evocative of another time when Stefano’s mouth was on him like this.  “Just let me enjoy you for a few more minutes.”  His voice is almost hypnotic.  “You smell so good.  You feel so good.  Will you touch me, Sebastian?”

 

Regardless of what Stefano wants, they are supposed to be keeping up appearances, so Sebastian lifts his hand and tentatively lets it rest at Stefano’s waist.  He isn’t sure where he can touch Stefano without hurting him, but fortunately Stefano seems to be content with Sebastian’s fingers lightly caressing his skin.  He slides his hand up to Stefano’s chest, grazing his ribs before sweeping back down to settle at his hip.  When this doesn’t cause Stefano any apparent discomfort, Sebastian repeats it a few more times, skimming his hand up and down Stefano’s body.

 

Stefano is all gasps and moans and soft little noises, and it is so different from how he sounded when he was being handled by Riker that Sebastian starts to wonder even more about the drug.  He wonders if Stefano needs it to become aroused or if Stefano is simply enjoying a kind of intimacy that isn’t painful, but when Stefano throws a leg over Sebastian’s hip and whispers, “Please,” in his ear so beautifully, all of that is forgotten, because this is having an effect on Sebastian himself, which isn’t possible, because he is completely sober.

 

He is taken aback by how much he wants to grab Stefano’s ass and pull Stefano hard against him, how much he wants to feel Stefano’s body on his the way they were last night.  But he has been alone for a long time, and Stefano has been the first physical comfort he’s had since Myra, and even if he can somehow justify this, he can’t do anything about it because he’s going to hurt Stefano.

 

He does let his hand slip around to Stefano’s back, which should be one of the less injured parts of him, but as he makes a long slow stroke up it, Stefano shudders, pulls away a little, and Sebastian is forcibly reminded of the way Riker was touching Stefano, the way he spoke those soothing, mocking, disgusting words.  He jerks his hand away.

 

“It’s alright,” Stefano says, his hand lightly squeezing Sebastian’s hip.  “I want your hands on me.  It is just a bit difficult at the moment.”

 

Sebastian opens his mouth to speak, but Stefano continues, lowering his voice.  “I would not tell you this if you were truly one of my clients.  I do wish for you to touch me, but some places are rather sensitive.”

 

“Then show me,” Sebastian murmurs, because his face is still very close to Stefano’s and he does want to touch him.  “Show me where to touch you.”

 

Stefano takes Sebastian’s hand in his and guides it to his chest, releasing it so that Sebastian can slide his palm slowly across.  Stefano’s skin is a little cool, as if he has recently gotten out of the shower, and he gasps and presses into Sebastian’s palm, his body going slack as Sebastian continues to explore.  He takes care not to go to below Stefano’s ribs, not to touch anywhere that is likely to be injured.

 

Stefano makes a soft noise when Sebastian’s fingers drag over his nipple, and Sebastian pauses, looking at Stefano questioningly, because he isn’t sure whether that noise was pleasure or pain.

 

“That’s- oh, that’s good, Sebastian,” Stefano breathes.  “You can do more if you like.”

 

Sebastian isn’t sure what ‘more’ is in this scenario, as he wasn’t aware that this was an area where a man might like to be touched, but he is willing to try if it will give Stefano some pleasure and keep up the pretense that they are both drugged up and enjoying each other’s company.  He brings his hand back to Stefano’s nipple, brushing his thumb over it experimentally.

 

Stefano moans, and that sound affects him on a visceral level, makes him want…something, but he puts that aside, focuses on Stefano and takes his nipple between thumb and forefinger, giving it a little squeeze.  Stefano is immediately pressing forward into him with a gasp, then flinching back because his body isn’t really in any condition to be pressed up against anything.

 

“Shhh,” Sebastian soothes.  “Take it easy.”  He tugs a little and Stefano utters a soft cry, trying and failing to get closer to Sebastian again.

 

Stefano is so unguarded, so responsive as Sebastian continues to touch him, every gasp and moan and movement of Stefano’s hips magnified as Sebastian rubs and squeezes and pulls.  Stefano seems so overly sensitized that he’s handling him very carefully, afraid that firmer stimulation will be too much or will cause Stefano to react in a way that will hurt him.

 

Stefano’s hand has drifted down between his own legs, and he rubs himself lazily with his palm.  Thinking he’s missed a cue from Stefano, Sebastian lets his hand drift lower as well, but when his hand touches Stefano’s, Stefano flinches away.

 

“Sorry,” Sebastian says quickly, moving his hand to Stefano’s hip.

 

“It’s alright,” Stefano says, keeping his hand in place over himself as he shudders.  “Just a bit sensitive there at the moment.”

 

“Of course,” Sebastian says, remembering how roughly Riker handled Stefano earlier, how he mocked him for becoming aroused, how viciously he gripped his cock and balls.  It’s no wonder Stefano doesn’t want to be touched there right now.  “Are you sure you won’t let me take you to a hospital?”

 

“My sweet Sebastian,” Stefano murmurs, easing closer so that he can rest his head on Sebastian’s shoulder.  “Always so concerned with everyone else.  Surely there is something you want for yourself?”

 

Just an hour ago, Sebastian would have said that Stefano couldn’t give him the things he wants, that no one can give him the things he wants, but here and now, in this dimly lit room away from everyone he knows, away from his old life, he does want something from Stefano.  He can’t bring himself to say it, but there is something he wants.

 

When he doesn’t answer right away, Stefano’s hands slide down his body again and begin to unbuckle his belt and unfasten his pants.  He doesn’t stop them this time, and even helps Stefano slip his pants and underwear off, after a bit of a struggle with his boots, which Stefano deposits unceremoniously on the floor.

 

Being naked and sober in front of Stefano doesn’t feel as strange as he thought it would, probably because Stefano acts like it’s the most natural thing in the world.  For him, it probably is.  He is kissing his way down Sebastian’s chest, sending a little thrill of excitement through Sebastian each time his mouth makes contact.

 

Stefano’s lips are soft, and he even sort of smells like Myra, and Sebastian tries to convince himself that’s the reason why he’s breathing hard, why he is anticipating each kiss, why his heart is pounding as Stefano moves down his body.

 

“Hey,” he says, just as Stefano plants a kiss on his hip.  “You don’t have to do that.”

 

“What would you have me do?” Stefano asks, looking up at him with a drowsy eye.

 

Sebastian considers telling Stefano that he’d prefer for them to go to the hospital, but decides that making that request one more time isn’t going to get him anywhere.  His heart is racing now, because Stefano’s mouth is so close to his cock, and he knows how warm and wet and pleasurable it would be if he lets Stefano do this.  He can’t forget what he saw on the cameras though- the way Riker fucked Stefano’s mouth, forcing his cock inside with no thought for Stefano’s comfort, and the way Stefano utterly submitted.

 

Even though Sebastian knows that he would never be so rough or so thoughtless himself, he can’t let Stefano do this now while these thoughts are in his head, while Stefano’s mouth and throat are probably very sore.  Stefano has repeatedly demonstrated that he will suffer pain or harm to himself in order to perform his duties, and Sebastian isn’t going to give him the chance to do that.

 

“Come back up here,” Sebastian says, and Stefano moves up his body until they are face to face again.  “Just lie here with me for a minute.”

 

Stefano looks crestfallen.  “You don’t want me?”  His voice is very small.

 

“Not when you’re hurting,” Sebastian says.

 

“That doesn’t matter-” Stefano begins, but Sebastian cuts him off.

 

“It matters to me.”  He sighs.  “You don’t have to tell me what happened, and you don’t have to accept my help, but I’m sure as hell not going to do anything to make it worse.”

 

Stefano looks a little lost for a moment, and Sebastian decides to try taking a page from his book.  “Isn’t there something you want for yourself?  Not something you’re supposed to do or something you think I want.  Just…what would you want right now if you were by yourself in your own room?”

 

Stefano drops his gaze down to the sheets, and his voice is almost inaudible when he answers, “To sleep…to be held.”

 

Sebastian nods and, carefully avoiding injured areas, wraps his arm around Stefano.  It takes a few moments, but they ease back into the position they were in earlier at the hotel, Sebastian on his back and Stefano on his side draped over him.  “Now sleep,” Sebastian says.

 

Sebastian feels Stefano’s breath catch, feels him nod slightly, and then Stefano’s head is resting heavily on his chest.

 

Sebastian doesn’t fall asleep himself.  He can’t sleep in enemy territory after some of the strange and disturbing memories he has of his last two visits to this place.  He lies awake listening to the music pulsing through the floors, the screams and the laughter and the footsteps in the hall, and Stefano’s deep, even breaths.

 

The fact that Stefano can rest comfortably and that his breathing isn’t labored is a good sign, but Sebastian is still very concerned about him.  Considering the blows Riker landed on Stefano earlier, Sebastian is worried about damage to his organs and internal bleeding, and he doesn’t know how many times Stefano might have been hit before he started watching.

 

He’s also well aware of the injuries that being penetrated violently and without sufficient lubrication can produce.  He did spend some time on the sexual assault team before coming to narcotics, and he remembers having to look at those pictures, the bruising and tearing and trauma to delicate skin.  His arms tighten around Stefano.

 

Of course, Stefano is an adult of sound mind, which means that Sebastian can’t force him to seek treatment for any of these potential injuries.  It also seems that Sebastian has made no headway in convincing him to get help, so for the moment at least, they are at an impasse.

 

Then Stefano shifts slightly against him, and Sebastian does feel a slight sense of satisfaction that Stefano is here with him now instead of with Riker or with another client who would take advantage of his drugged state.  It is becoming more and more obvious to Sebastian that the drugs serve multiple purposes.  They are a source of income for Slade, and their addictive quality ensures the loyalty of his customers and his escorts, but they also keep the escorts docile and make sure that they will perform whatever acts are necessary to please the clients.

 

Stefano himself said that some of the things he is asked to do would be unbearable without the drugs, and Sebastian has twice now seen him request to be drugged while being fucked by one of Slade’s men.  Clearly they represent some sort of protection for him, maybe from the pain or the memory of having these acts performed on him.

 

Sebastian’s chest is going tight with anger all over again, but there’s nothing he can do about this now except lie here with Stefano and make sure no one else comes for him.  He isn’t sure what happens next, though it seems that on previous occasions, Stefano has taken him back to his hotel room.  He hopes they’ll be able to leave together this time, that Stefano will stay with him again.  Lying with Stefano is so much nicer than waking up to an empty bed.

 

After what feels like at least an hour, Stefano stirs slightly against him and raises his head to look at Sebastian groggily.  “We should go,” he says, eye unfocused and half-lidded.

 

“Okay,” Sebastian says.  “Where are your clothes?”

 

“Upstairs,” Stefano replies.  “I’ll go and get them in a moment.”  He leans over to pick up Sebastian’s clothes, failing to suppress a wince as he sits back up.

 

“Careful,” Sebastian says, reaching out a hand to steady him.

 

“I’m alright,” Stefano answers.  He leans in to bring his mouth close to Sebastian’s ear.  “And remember, you should still be rather disoriented.”

 

Sebastian nods and settles back onto the pillow.  He does make some slight adjustments to his position to help Stefano re-dress him, but for the most part he is passive, still trying to appear dazed.

 

“Wait here,” Stefano tells him once he is fully dressed.  “I’ll be right back.”

 

“Do you need help?” Sebastian asks, slurring his words a little.  What he really wants to ask is whether Stefano needs protection to venture out into the house, but Stefano still doesn’t know what he saw on the camera.

 

“No, thank you,” Stefano says.  “I will only be a few minutes.”  He eases himself off the bed and onto his feet and pulls his robe around him, securing the belt, before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

 

Sebastian’s mind is racing, wondering if Stefano will meet Riker, what kind of mood Riker will be in if he does, whether Sebastian should just go and keep an eye on things.  There is still a small voice inside his head telling him to trust Stefano’s judgment in these situations, but Stefano’s judgment has proven to be abysmal so far, at least where his own safety is concerned.

 

Fortunately, after just a few minutes, he hears a light footstep in the hall, and Stefano is opening the door again, fully dressed this time.  He approaches the bed and extends a hand to Sebastian.  “Just lean on me,” he says as Sebastian pretends to struggle to get to his feet.

 

Stefano pulls one of Sebastian’s arms over his shoulders and wraps his other arm around Sebastian’s waist.  He tilts his head toward Sebastian’s to whisper.  “Move slowly and keep your eyes on the ground.”

 

Then they are in motion.  Sebastian is hesitant to put weight on Stefano, but he does at least lean toward him so that it would appear to an observer that Stefano is supporting him.  Although Sebastian’s gaze is fixed on the floor, the noise level makes it clear that the party is still going on as they descend the stairs and make their way to the front door.  Murphy is apparently uninterested in the fact that they are leaving together, and they make it out of the building without encountering Riker at all.

 

Sebastian keeps up his pretense of leaning on Stefano until they get to the jeep.  “I’ll drive,” he says, opening the passenger door for Stefano.  Stefano frowns and opens his mouth as if to protest, but closes it again and takes the hand Sebastian offers to help him into the passenger’s seat.

 

Sebastian climbs into the driver’s seat and turns to Stefano in one last attempt to reason with him, but Stefano is one step ahead of him.

 

“Just take me back to the motel, Sebastian.  Slade has a very strict rule about the hospital, and I do not think I can endure any more poking and prodding tonight.”

 

“Okay,” Sebastian says, “as long as you know where I stand on this.”

 

“I do,” Stefano replies.  “Your concern for my well-being is admirable, but I have been taking care of myself for quite a while now.”

 

Sebastian isn’t sure what to say to that, so he turns the key in the ignition and shifts into drive.  Stefano is silent for the rest of the ride back, and Sebastian glances over at him a few times to see him leaning back against the headrest, eye closed.  Sebastian finds himself driving more carefully than usual, trying to avoid any bumps that might cause Stefano discomfort.

 

At the motel, Stefano takes his hand again and allows Sebastian to help him back to the pavement, then follows him to the room.  Sebastian can’t believe they were here just hours ago.  It seems like a lifetime. 

 

Stefano’s carefully maintained façade is starting to crack.  He stands just inside the door, shoulders hunched and eye downcast, as Sebastian fastens the locks.

 

When Sebastian turns back to him, he can see that the tremor has returned.  For as composed as he usually is, to see Stefano starting to come apart like this, knowing that Stefano can do this here, because he feels safe with Sebastian, suddenly feels like a tremendous responsibility.  Sebastian wants Stefano to feel safe, wants him to feel something that isn’t pain or fear, and he reaches for him.

 

Even before his arms are fully around Stefano, Stefano is leaning forward, melting into his embrace.  Sebastian is careful, so careful, because he is still very aware of Stefano’s injuries, but Stefano shows no sign of discomfort as he wraps his arms around Sebastian’s shoulders and just holds on.

 

Sebastian can feel the warmth spreading though his chest as Stefano relaxes against him.  He can feel Stefano’s breath on his neck, slow and even, and after seeing Stefano’s body so thoroughly violated, it is a wonderful thing to feel him like this.

 

Stefano sighs deeply and starts to pull back, and Sebastian lets him go, lets his hands rest on Stefano’s shoulders as he asks, “Is there anything I can do for you?”

 

“Come to bed,” Stefano says with a bit of a smirk.  Sebastian is starting to know Stefano well enough that he can see the vulnerability, the undercurrent of hope, even if Stefano tries to hide it with playful sarcasm.

 

“I will,” he says, squeezing Stefano’s shoulders gently.  “Just give me a minute.”

 

It doesn’t take long for Sebastian to shower and brush his teeth, and when he emerges from the bathroom wearing only a clean pair of underwear, Stefano is already in his bed under the sheet.

 

He hesitates, because he isn’t wearing very much, and getting into bed with another man who also isn’t wearing very much seems like a big step, until he remembers that he’s done it before.  Even if he can’t remember it, he’s shared a bed with Stefano, and it has only brought him comfort and security, and now Stefano is the one who needs that comfort and security from him.

 

His feet carry him to the bed, but his heart is racing as he slips under the sheet with Stefano and lies down on his back.  Stefano moves in close right away, one hand placed on Sebastian’s chest so that Sebastian is sure he must be able to feel his pounding heartbeat.

 

“What are you afraid of, Sebastian?” Stefano asks.

 

Most of the things Sebastian has been afraid of have already happened, and he isn’t sure what’s left.  Perhaps it’s the unknown, the idea that if he lies down here with Stefano, with no drugs to excuse his behavior, that he is going to change in some fundamental way.  As soon as he has the thought, he realizes how ridiculous it is, how selfish it is of him to deny Stefano the only comfort he might have in this world.

 

“I’m not sure,” he answers truthfully.  Then, before he can lose his nerve, he asks, “Can I hold you?”

 

“Yes, of course,” Stefano replies, already working his way under Sebastian’s arm.

 

Then their arms are around each other, and Stefano’s head is pillowed on his chest.  He lies like that for a few minutes, feeling Stefano relax and listening to his deep, even breathing, until he starts to drift off himself.

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Did you see everything?” Stefano asks.
> 
> “Almost,” Sebastian says. He wants to apologize, to explain why he watched instead of taking some kind of action, but Stefano is leaning forward, letting his chest rest on Sebastian’s and hiding his face in Sebastian’s shoulder. Sebastian’s hands come up to rest on his back, carefully holding him as he draws in a long, shuddering breath.
> 
> “Then you know what it is like for me,” Stefano says quietly. Sebastian isn’t sure he can truly say that he knows what it’s like for Stefano, but before he can speak, Stefano continues. “I have so little say in what is done to my body. I have no choice in who my partners are.” He sighs. “Please…let me choose this time. Let me be with someone because I wish to.”

 

 

Even at his age, Sebastian is used to waking up with an erection from time to time, but what is unusual about this time is that not only is his cock achingly hard, it is engulfed in the perfect, slick heat of Stefano’s mouth.  Sebastian becomes aware of this very suddenly, and his first reaction is to try to sit bolt upright, but then Stefano’s hand is on his chest, easing him back down to the bed.

 

“Relax, Sebastian,” he says, releasing Sebastian’s cock to place a kiss on his thigh.

 

“What are you doing?” Sebastian asks, brain still fuzzy with sleep.  The morning light is filtering in around the curtains, and the bed is so comfortable, and Stefano is so warm that he just feels drowsy and relaxed and curious about what Stefano is doing down there.

 

Stefano gives him a look that suggests that he is asking a very stupid question, but answers, “I am helping you get ready.”

 

“For what?” Sebastian asks, but his words end in a moan as Stefano’s mouth descends on him again, lips and tongue sliding along his cock with just enough pressure to make him want more, to make him want to thrust deep into Stefano’s mouth.  He fists his hands in the sheets beside him and holds on tightly, body quivering as he fights to hold still.

 

Stefano takes him in deep, massages him with his throat, then pulls slowly off again to circle his tongue around the head, which is so sensitive to every small attention Stefano is paying it.  Despite his best efforts, Sebastian’s hips jerk up off the bed as Stefano’s tongue sweeps along the underside of his cock and then teases his slit.  Stefano only chuckles and wraps his mouth around Sebastian’s cock again, hollowing his cheeks to suck firmly, and the rush of heat and pleasure is so intense that Sebastian is afraid he’s going to come right then.

 

He tries to hold back, takes some deep breaths, and Stefano must be able to tell how close he is, because he backs off, switching to long, slow licks as his hand moves to hold Sebastian’s balls.  Sebastian moves his legs apart to give Stefano more room to work, because this may be a little strange, but it feels safe and intimate in a way that’s been missing from his life for so long.

 

When Stefano shifts down to swipe his tongue over his balls, Sebastian groans, tightening his grip on the sheets, because feeling Stefano’s tongue there is exciting and new, and it’s not bringing him any closer to the edge, but it is so, so good.

 

Stefano pauses in his efforts, resting his cheek on Sebastian’s thigh.  “I was not in a position to tell you this the first time, but you have a beautiful cock.”

 

Sebastian just stares at him, unable to process how anyone could possibly respond to this statement, but Stefano just laughs and turns his head to gently bite Sebastian’s inner thigh, and the resulting overload of sensation has Sebastian gasping and tugging at the sheets again.

 

Stefano looks up at him, more seriously this time.  “I want you inside me, Sebastian.”

 

Sebastian turns this over in his mind, because his body doesn’t seem to have any objections to Stefano’s request.  He’s never done this before, but Stefano is probably experienced enough that it won’t be a problem.  Unfortunately, thinking about Stefano’s experience brings back a rush of memories from last night.

 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea…” Sebastian says, despite the fact that his body is urging him to go along with Stefano.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano sighs.  He pushes himself up onto his hands and knees and crawls forward, rearranging himself so that he is straddling Sebastian’s hips.  Sebastian’s body thoroughly approves of this new position, but the way Stefano flinches as he settles onto Sebastian’s lap is a painful reminder of why they can’t do this.  “I am quite alright, and I want you inside me.  Isn’t that enough?”

 

“Not when you’re injured,” Sebastian says.  It takes all of his resolve not to push up against Stefano, not to create more delicious friction between their bodies, but he fights the urge and stays still.

 

“I am not injured,” Stefano insists.  “I am a bit sore, but I know what I want.”

 

Sebastian doesn’t know how to continue this argument without revealing what he saw at Slade’s house, so he takes a deep breath and says, “I was watching on the cameras last night.”

 

Stefano’s face twists in confusion.  “What cameras?”

 

“The ones Slade has in every room,” Sebastian answers, staring steadily back at Stefano, hoping he won’t completely shut down when he hears this.

 

Stefano is silent, but he raises a hand to cover his mouth as he stares past Sebastian, eye unfocused.  Finally, he blinks and drops his hand, apparently regaining his composure.  “What did you see?” he asks.

 

“I saw you and Riker,” Sebastian says.  He doesn’t want to think about the details of what he saw, and he’s fairly certain that Stefano won’t want to be reminded of them either.

 

“Did you see everything?” Stefano asks.

 

“Almost,” Sebastian says.  He wants to apologize, to explain why he watched instead of taking some kind of action, but Stefano is leaning forward, letting his chest rest on Sebastian’s and hiding his face in Sebastian’s shoulder.  Sebastian’s hands come up to rest on his back, carefully holding him as he draws in a long, shuddering breath.

 

“Then you know what it is like for me,” Stefano says quietly.  Sebastian isn’t sure he can truly say that he knows what it’s like for Stefano, but before he can speak, Stefano continues.  “I have so little say in what is done to my body.  I have no choice in who my partners are.”  He sighs.  “Please…let me choose this time.  Let me be with someone because I wish to.”

 

Sebastian’s heart aches, because Stefano has a point, probably the only point that could sway him in his decision.  The pain and the violence and the harsh words directed at Stefano are all terrible things in their own right, but he can’t even begin to imagine living a life so completely subservient to someone else’s will, being passed from one man to another and used in any way they can imagine, night after night after night.

 

He is a little surprised that Stefano derives any enjoyment from sex at all, but Stefano seems to know what he wants, and Sebastian can’t say that he’s wrong.  Despite his concerns about Stefano’s physical health, he won’t deny Stefano the opportunity to make this choice, especially when his own body is urging him in the same direction.  He takes a deep breath.

 

“You’ll stop if it hurts?” Sebastian asks.

 

Stefano sits up quickly, looking at Sebastian in surprise, as though he didn’t expect him to agree so readily.  He smiles.  “I’ll stop if I want to stop.”

 

Sebastian smiles back, because Stefano’s smile, his true, unguarded smile, is a beautiful thing.  “What should I do?” he asks.  “I’ve never…”

 

“I know,” Stefano says, reaching out a hand to stroke Sebastian’s cheek.  “I’ve taken care of everything.  You should lie back and enjoy yourself.”

 

Stefano scoots back a little so that he is seated on Sebastian’s thighs.  He takes Sebastian’s cock in hand again, and Sebastian is already melting under his touch.  He squeezes gently, lets his hand slide up and down, and Sebastian’s cock, still slick from Stefano’s earlier attentions, throbs in anticipation of more contact.

 

Sebastian is fully hard again within seconds, and Stefano smiles up at him from under his hair.  He reaches for the nightstand and produces a condom, which he takes out of the foil packet and carefully applies to Sebastian’s cock.  “Just to be on the safe side,” he says.

 

Then he is shifting up to hover over Sebastian’s hips, and when he takes Sebastian’s cock again, Sebastian blurts out, “Wait!  Don’t we need to…?”  He isn’t sure what exactly they need to do, but he’s fairly certain that this kind of sex act requires some preparation.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says, his voice patient but with a hint of amusement.  “I said I’ve taken care of everything.”

 

Before Sebastian can say anything else, his cock is rubbing up against Stefano, and Stefano’s brow is creasing in concentration, and then he adjusts his angle slightly, and Sebastian is literally gasping for breath as his cock slips into Stefano’s body.

 

He is rigid, hands fisted in the sheets, as Stefano begins the agonizingly slow slide down onto his cock, because Stefano is so warm and slick and so fucking tight on the inside.  Sebastian can only think that he must have prepared himself somehow, because the way his cock is pressing into Stefano is easy and comfortable, and within a few seconds, Stefano is fully seated on him.

 

Sebastian takes a few deep breaths to get himself under control, because he doesn’t want to embarrass himself by coming immediately, and then checks on Stefano.  Stefano’s face is a mask of intense concentration.  There is tension there, but Sebastian can’t tell for sure if he is in pain or not.  His body is shaking a little, and Sebastian simply waits, gives him time to adjust, and hopes that this can still feel good for Stefano without the drugs he normally relies on to relax him for these kinds of activities.

 

Feeling a little more confident in his own self-control, Sebastian releases the sheets and lets his hands come to rest on Stefano’s thighs.  “Are you alright?” he asks.

 

“Oh, yes,” Stefano breathes, his voice huskier than usual.  “If I could have a just a moment please.”

 

“Take as long as you need,” Sebastian says, flexing his fingers to squeeze Stefano’s thighs lightly.  “You feel amazing.”

 

And Stefano does feel amazing.  His body is beautifully, perfectly tight, which is stimulating Sebastian in all the right ways, but also making him worry about whether Stefano can be comfortable when he is gripping him so tightly.  Even more than that, the closeness, the way Stefano’s body is pressing him down into the mattress, is intoxicating, and Sebastian could lie like this for hours.

 

He lets his hands move up and down Stefano’s legs, trying to soothe away some of the tension there.  He may be somewhat out of his element, but if he is going to be having sex with Stefano, it’s important to him that Stefano is enjoying himself.  He’s not sure at the moment, because Stefano is still breathing hard, and his eye is closed.

 

Sebastian’s hands slip up to Stefano’s waist, fingers curling slightly to wrap around Stefano’s body.  He is still very aware of Stefano’s injuries.  Now that he is more awake, he can see the faded bruises on Stefano’s face as well as the more recent bruising on his ribs and abdomen.  His eyes move down Stefano’s body all the way to his cock, which is resting on Sebastian’s belly.

 

Stefano isn’t hard, which is a little concerning, but Sebastian isn’t sure if that’s normal.  He’s been naked with Stefano before.  He’s actually pretty sure that he’s touched Stefano there before, but all he can remember from that time is softness and heat, and aside from what Riker was saying last night, he’s not sure that he’s ever seen Stefano become aroused.

 

He is contemplating this when he feels a subtle shift in Stefano’s breathing and looks up to see that Stefano’s eye is open and the corner of his mouth is turned up in a half smile.  Sebastian immediately drops his gaze again, feels his face flush hot, because clearly Stefano knows exactly what he’s been looking at.  In the next moment, Stefano’s hand is on his cheek, urging him to look up again.

 

“It’s alright,” Stefano says, brushing his thumb along Sebastian’s cheekbone.  “Nothing to be embarrassed about, though I can assure you that it’s very much like your own.”

 

Sebastian can’t suppress a snort of laughter at that, and his fingers start to massage Stefano’s hips lightly because he does still feel a little foolish, and doing something with his hands helps to distract him.

 

“What’s wrong, Sebastian?” Stefano asks quietly as his hand moves to Sebastian’s chest.  Sebastian can feel Stefano’s body relaxing around him little by little, but he’s still concerned that Stefano doesn’t seem to be aroused.

 

“You’re…you’re not…” He can’t quite bring himself to complete the sentence, so he gestures toward Stefano’s cock before returning his hand to his hip.

 

“Ah,” Stefano says, glancing down as though he is just noticing this himself.  “No matter.  That is sometimes difficult for me.  We can talk about it another time if you like.”  His eye stays downcast, and Sebastian starts to speak again, but Stefano interrupts.  “Rest assured that I am enjoying myself.”

 

His eye flicks back up to Sebastian’s face and there is that shy kind of smile again, and then he is bracing both hands on Sebastian’s chest and sliding up his cock a few inches.  Sebastian takes a deep breath, because even though he’s relaxed a little, Stefano’s body still has a tight grip on him and he doesn’t think he’s ever felt so much heat, so much pressure from being inside someone.

 

Stefano presses back down, and he and Sebastian gasp in unison, and Sebastian’s fingers squeeze hard on Stefano’s hips before he remembers himself and loosens his grip.  When they make eye contact, Stefano’s eye is wide and his mouth is slightly open as though he is still trying to catch his breath, and Sebastian is about to ask if he’s okay again, but he just smiles and lifts himself up again to press down onto Sebastian.  This time, Sebastian can’t suppress a moan as he is enveloped in Stefano’s heat, and any worries he may have had about whether he would enjoy sex with a man are long gone.

 

Stefano establishes a rhythm, moving up and down Sebastian’s cock, his body thoroughly working Sebastian over with every exquisite, agonizingly slow slide.  They gasp and moan together, and Sebastian’s eyes are locked onto Stefano’s, have been locked onto Stefano’s the whole time.  He can’t recall if this is what he normally does during sex, but this time he can’t tear his eyes away, and watching Stefano’s face, watching the waves of urgency and confusion and pleasure roll over him, is intensifying everything Sebastian is feeling himself.

 

He moves his hands, offering them to Stefano so that he can hold them, use them to brace himself as he moves, and Stefano smiles and squeezes Sebastian’s hands, using the additional leverage to adjust his angle.  The pace is still slow, perfect for a lazy morning in bed, and Sebastian knows that if he is going to get off doing this, he’ll need to speed up at some point, but right now it just feels too good, the perfect blend of comfort and familiarity with something new and exciting.  And Stefano continues to move against him, to squeeze him so tightly, to look deeply into his face.

 

After a few more minutes, Stefano pauses, sighing deeply before he runs his hands over Sebastian’s chest.  “I am sorry,” he says quietly.  “I am perhaps a bit tired this morning.”

 

“That’s alright,” Sebastian says, because whether it is fatigue or injury, Stefano does look rather tired.  “Can I try something?”  He’s been afraid to move too much this whole time for fear of hurting Stefano, but he does want to participate, especially if it will allow Stefano to rest.

 

“Of course,” Stefano says, regarding him with curiosity.

 

Sebastian releases Stefano’s hands and brings his hands to Stefano’s hips.  From there it’s only a matter of inches to let them slide around to Stefano’s ass, pulling Stefano firmly against him and pressing his hips up off the mattress.

 

“Oh!” Stefano gasps, grabbing for Sebastian’s shoulders in surprise.  “Oh my,” he breathes, chest rising and falling rapidly as Sebastian holds their bodies together.

 

“Is this okay?” Sebastian asks.  He’s less worried about hurting Stefano now, because he’s not thrusting or penetrating any deeper, and everything he feels when he rolls his hips against Stefano is warm and exciting and it seems like it may be doing something for Stefano too.

 

“Yes,” Stefano says, giving his shoulders a squeeze.  “That’s very nice.  Can you do it again?”

 

And Sebastian does, and they fall into a new rhythm, rocking against each other as Sebastian holds Stefano tightly against him.  Sebastian doesn’t think he can reach climax doing this either, but the way Stefano’s body grips him, strokes him as they move together is so pleasant, and Stefano is panting again, punctuating each movement with a rough exhale and a squeeze of Sebastian’s shoulders.

 

It is all very enjoyable, but Sebastian still feels that something is missing, or perhaps that it’s right in front of him and simply not close enough.  He does the only thing that makes sense, and without thinking he slides his hands up Stefano’s back, exerting just enough pressure to urge him to lean forward, to lie against Sebastian’s chest.

 

“What are you-?” Stefano starts to say, but Sebastian’s mouth is already on his.  Stefano goes utterly still, and as the seconds pass, Sebastian wonders if he’s made a mistake, but then Stefano’s arms are wrapped around him, and Stefano is kissing him back fiercely.  Stefano’s lips and tongue and teeth are everywhere, and it is certainly less coordinated than the last time Stefano kissed him, but it feels real, and Sebastian does his best to keep up.

 

When Stefano pulls back, the look in his eye is wild, almost the same look Sebastian has seen before when he’s high.  His eye bores into Sebastian, searches his face, though Sebastian can’t be sure what he’s looking for.  Apparently he finds it, because in the next moment he is diving back in, lips against Sebastian’s and tongue pushing into his mouth, and all at once everything is perfect and complete and Sebastian can’t believe he didn’t figure this out earlier.

 

He remembers the first time Stefano kissed him at the door of the motel room, realizes that even then, he was excited by it, that he is excited by it now.  One of his hands cups the back of Stefano’s head as his tongue explores Stefano’s mouth, and it feels absolutely right.  Stefano’s kisses are hungry, searching, and to see Stefano so desperate for contact spikes Sebastian’s own arousal.  His hands move to Stefano’s ass again, pull their bodies together as he presses up with his hips, and Stefano makes a small, choked noise into his mouth.

 

They move like that for a few more minutes, just lazily rocking against each other and sharing kisses, though the kisses start to become less vigorous the longer they go on, until they are so gentle that Sebastian is aware of every feather-light brush of Stefano’s lips to his, of every puff of breath that Stefano emits near his face or against his neck.  Sebastian feels Stefano’s cock nudging his belly, realizes that Stefano is hard or at least getting there, and feels a sense of accomplishment, of hope that maybe Stefano is getting what he needs out of this after all.

 

Sebastian is still worried about Stefano’s injuries of course, but everything they’ve done so far has been relatively gentle, and the little noises Stefano makes into his mouth each time they press up against each other are undeniably sounds of pleasure.  He stills his body and lets his hand run up Stefano’s back.

 

“Should we keep doing this?  Or do you want to try something else?” Sebastian asks.

 

Stefano draws back a little, a look of slight confusion on his face.

 

Sebastian tries phrasing it another way.  “What do you want Stefano?”

 

Stefano gives him a gentle smile and leans in again to whisper in his ear.  “You’ve already given me more than I could ask for.”  He kisses Sebastian’s cheek.  “What do _you_ want?”  Sebastian hesitates for a moment, and Stefano asks.  “Can I help you finish?”

 

“No, no, that’s alright,” Sebastian says quickly.  He doesn’t need to think too hard about that question.  Everything they’ve done to this point has been pleasurable because he’s been interacting with the real Stefano, not the Stefano who is duty-bound to please him at any cost, and to make that shift now would make the whole thing feel somehow tainted.  No matter how good it feels to be inside Stefano, Sebastian won’t do that, but Stefano’s cock is still hard between them, and it gives him another idea.

 

“What about you?” Sebastian asks.  “Can I help you…with that?”

 

Stefano keeps his face pressed close to Sebastian’s, so that Sebastian can’t actually see him, but he can feel Stefano’s face flush hot.  “I do not think I will be able to do that at the moment.”  He pauses, then adds in a rush, “It is not you.  It is very rare for me to climax with another person.”

 

“That’s alright,” Sebastian says, letting his hand rub circles on Stefano’s back.  It seems that there are some things that make Stefano feel self-conscious in the bedroom after all.  “How are you feeling?”

 

“Very good,” Stefano murmurs, mouth close to Sebastian’s ear again.  “This has been lovely.  Will you lie with me for a while?”

 

“Of course,” Sebastian replies, because he can’t think of anything more pleasant than lying here with Stefano.

 

Stefano sits up and eases off of Sebastian’s cock, his eye closed and his face tense with concentration.  He turns and removes the condom, strategically blocking Sebastian’s view.  Sebastian is sort of glad he doesn’t have to see it, because he is afraid that there is going to be blood, and even though it was Stefano who initiated this and led him every step of the way, Sebastian feels a stab of guilt, a twisting in his stomach that he has hurt Stefano.

 

Stefano goes into the bathroom and closes the door, and Sebastian turns onto his side, his erection quickly subsiding at the thoughts that are now swirling around in his head.  First, of course, is Stefano, who seems slightly improved this morning, but who Sebastian is still convinced needs some sort of medical attention.  Almost as pressing is the conversation between Stefano and Riker about Sebastian himself.  The investigation is leading into dangerous territory, and Sebastian needs to know what Stefano knows, needs to know how involved Stefano is, because he didn’t seem like a willing participant based on what Sebastian observed.

 

Sebastian’s mind is brimming with questions by the time Stefano comes back and lies down beside him.

 

“Stefano, I need to ask you-” he begins, but Stefano cuts him off.

 

“Please, Sebastian,” he says, and his voice comes out tired and broken.  “Not now.  Please just lie with me and let me pretend I can stay here.”

 

“You’re not going back,” Sebastian says firmly.  “You can’t.  Not after what I saw.”

 

Stefano sighs, turning on his side to face Sebastian although his gaze is directed down at the mattress.  “I am sorry that you were upset by what you observed, but that is the reality of the situation.  Riker and the others do what they like, and so do the clients.”  His eye comes up to meet Sebastian’s, and there is more resolve in his tone as he continues, “This is my job, Sebastian.  If they wish for me to be someone else, I become someone else.  If they wish to restrain me, I submit.  Anywhere that they want to touch, any tool or object they want to use, any fetish they wish to pursue, I can deny them nothing.”

 

Stefano’s words, the idea of Stefano being used and hurt and violated, the thought that Stefano is an object, a toy in the hands of more powerful men, make the anger rise up inside Sebastian, and before he can stop himself he is raising his voice.  “Then don’t go back, Stefano!  For fuck’s sake, just don’t go back.  The investigation isn’t worth it.”

 

Stefano wilts, looks almost afraid of him for a moment before he answers.  “That is not why I must go back.”  He turns away from Sebastian onto his side, curling in on himself in a way that reminds Sebastian so strongly of how he looked when he was trying to protect himself from Riker’s kicks that all of the anger drains out of Sebastian.  He can only feel sorrow and guilt, that gaping hole in his chest opening up again, and he can’t leave Stefano feeling like this.

 

Sebastian scoots up behind Stefano and tentatively puts a hand on his hip.  Encouraged when Stefano doesn’t pull away, he wraps his arm more fully around Stefano, letting his hand splay across Stefano’s chest.  Stefano relaxes back into him, molding their bodies together.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian whispers, “but I still don’t want you to go back.”

 

“I know,” Stefano says softly.

 

For reasons even he can’t fully explain, Sebastian presses a kiss to the back of Stefano’s neck, and Stefano shivers and presses back against him more firmly.  Now that the anger is gone, Sebastian feels drained of energy, soothed by Stefano’s warm body against his.  Sleeping with someone, simply lying in bed and being in physical contact with another person, is comforting and familiar in a way he hasn’t known in years.  Despite his best efforts to stay awake and to keep an eye on Stefano, he finds himself resting his face against the back of Stefano’s neck as his eyelids grow heavy.

 

 

 

 

When Sebastian opens his eyes, he is alone.  He swears out loud, jumps out of bed, and stumbles to the window to see if just by chance, Stefano is still outside, but the parking lot is quiet, and Stefano is long gone.  Sebastian returns to the bed and sits on the edge of it, trying to figure out what the hell he is going to do now, when a piece of paper on the bedside table catches his eye.

 

_My Dear Sebastian,_

_Thank you for your kindness last night and your indulgence this morning.  I enjoyed myself thoroughly, and I will message you regarding future meetings._

_Stefano_

Even though this is clearly written in Stefano’s style and handwriting, Sebastian can feel the dread spreading through him as he reads, that cold, tight feeling settling in his stomach.  Something is wrong here.  Stefano was starting to open up to him last night and this morning, but the note is cold and formal, and the distance between him and Stefano now is palpable.

 

Of course, when Stefano wrote this, he was probably contemplating going back to Slade’s house and having to deal with Riker, who will be even angrier than before since Stefano spend the night with Sebastian.  Sebastian still can’t figure out the hold that Slade and Riker seem to have over Stefano, what could possibly convince him to keep going back to them when he is treated so poorly, but it is clearly very powerful.

 

Suddenly everything he did last night and this morning seems incredibly dangerous and stupid.  He shouldn’t have let Stefano leave Slade’s house with him, and he sure as hell shouldn’t have let him go back.  He should have taken him to the hospital when he had the chance.  Even if Stefano would have been angry with him, he should have at least kept him safe.

 

He looks at the note again.  Stefano mentions future meetings, but there is a sort of finality in his words, and even the signature looks a little off, as though it was written with a shaky hand.

 

Sebastian still doesn’t know what the hell he’s going to do about this, but he knows he has to do something.

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zora frowns. “No one ‘used to’ work for Slade. That’s the weird thing.” Her eyes dart toward the street, then focus back on Sebastian. “Usually we see girls- and guys sometimes- go off with a new pimp, but they’ll be back on the street later because they had a falling out or they weren’t earning enough or whatever.” She punctuates this with a roll of her eyes. “But the ones who go to work for Slade don’t come back. Hell, half of his clients don’t come back either.”

 

 

_Can I see you today?_

Sebastian sends the text message before he’s even finished dressing, but he has a sinking feeling that he’s not going to get a response.

 

He’s not sure if it’s normal for a john to contact an escort so soon after their last meeting, but he doesn’t care.  Stefano was already injured when he left this morning, and he is probably facing another beating from Riker.  Sebastian rakes a hand through his hair, agitated at the thought of that asshole even touching Stefano, and Riker is going to do so much more than touch him.  Despite all of Stefano’s reassurances, Sebastian is afraid he won’t survive another encounter like the one last night.

 

He spends about half an hour trying to look over the spreadsheets in the business folder he copied from Slade’s computer, but his mind keeps going back to Stefano and what might be happening to him, and he’s constantly checking his phone for an incoming message.  He finally closes his laptop, giving up entirely on trying to pay attention to anything else.

 

He tries to formulate some kind of plan.  He wants to go to Slade’s house, shoot it up, get Stefano, and burn the place to the ground, but that doesn’t seem particularly realistic since he is one man with six-shot revolver.

 

He’s also concerned that if he makes himself known at all, it’s going to agitate Riker, who will undoubtedly take it out on Stefano, so showing up at Slade’s house without a plan seems like a bad idea.  Of course, sitting around doing nothing isn’t going to help Stefano either.

 

He sends another text, about an hour after the first one.  _Where are you?  Need you now._

 

This time it’s not entirely an act.  He does need Stefano, maybe not in the way that the message implies, but he needs to know that Stefano is safe.  He sets his phone down on the table and stares at it for a few minutes, waiting for a response, but nothing happens.  After ten minutes of unsuccessfully willing Stefano to text him back, Sebastian stands up, grabs his phone and his car keys, and heads out to the jeep.

 

When he pulls out of the parking lot, he isn’t sure where he is going, but he knows he needs to figure it out soon.  If he just drives aimlessly, he’s going to end up at Slade’s house, and he’s still not convinced that showing up there unannounced won’t make things worse.  He could just say that he’s trying to make an appointment with Stefano, but how he is received will depend heavily on whether or not anyone saw him on the cameras last night.

 

In an act of desperation, he decides to cruise Wilson Street.  It’s the major pick-up point for sex workers during the daylight hours, though at night it’s so dangerous that even they won’t go there.  Sunday afternoon isn’t a prime working time for prostitutes, but maybe, just maybe Stefano is out here looking for business.

 

Sebastian has only just turned onto Wilson when he spots a familiar face, though not the one he was looking for.  He pulls over and shouts, “Zora!”

 

Zora Robinson whips around, her long braids flying out behind her.  Her face breaks into a wide smile when she sees Sebastian, and after a quick comment to the other two women standing with her, she is striding down the sidewalk toward Sebastian’s jeep.

 

Zora is impossible to miss, even in a crowd.  She’s dark-skinned and taller than Sebastian, even without the four-inch heels she is wearing today, and her style of dress usually ranges from eye-catching to outrageous, though Sebastian happens to know that she also has a couple of business suits for court appearances.  The black tank top and red leather miniskirt that hug her muscular form are actually pretty tame by her usual standards.

 

Sebastian first met her several years ago, when a man called in to report her for assault at the same crappy motel where Sebastian is staying now.  It only took about twenty minutes after he arrived on-scene for Sebastian to realize that, despite the man’s serious injuries, he had been robbing sex workers for months, and had only now attempted to prey on one who could beat the shit out of him.  Fortunately, Zora was up-front about her line of work and cooperative enough to be a good witness, and they’d kept in touch about the case and even a few times afterwards.

 

“Detective Castellanos,” she says, leaning on his passenger door.  “You’re not on duty are you?”

 

“No,” Sebastian says with a laugh.  “I take it you are?”

 

“Depends on who’s asking,” she replies, narrowing her eyes.  “Anything I can help you with today?”

 

“I’ve got some questions actually,” Sebastian says, because it is dawning on him that other people in the same business must know Slade, or at least know of him, and maybe there is some useful information to be gained here.  “Can I buy you brunch or something?”

 

“Well, I suppose for you I could answer a few questions,” she says with a smile, opening the door and climbing in.  She spends a few seconds moving the passenger seat all the way back, before crossing one long leg over the other.  It’s fairly impressive that she can fit into the seat at all.

 

“I hope I’m not taking you away from paying customers,” Sebastian says as he pulls away from the curb.

 

“Don’t worry about it,” she replies with a dismissive wave of her hand.  “It’s a slow day, and the only men who come down here will be the after-church crowd.”  She grimaces.  “It’s not a pretty sight.”

 

Sebastian drives a few streets over into a slightly less questionable part of town until Zora points out a little restaurant that is busy enough that they won’t stand out, but not so busy that they won’t be able to hear each other.  They get a table on the patio, and Sebastian tries to make small talk, even though all he can think about is Stefano.

 

“What have you been reading lately?” he asks, knowing that this question will engage his companion for at least a few minutes.  Zora, whose chosen name is after Zora Neale Hurston, is a prolific reader who is always eager to talk about books, though these conversations usually end with her chastising Sebastian for not reading enough.

 

Once they’ve covered the New York Times bestseller list and ordered their food, Zora sips her coffee and fixes her perfectly made-up eyes on Sebastian.  “What’s on your mind?”

 

Sebastian isn’t exactly sure where to start, so he blurts out the question that is foremost in his thoughts.  “Do you know Stefano Valentini?”

 

“Of course,” Zora replies.  “Everyone knows Stefano.”  Sebastian thinks it’s more likely that Zora knows everyone, but he doesn’t comment on that.  “He does a lot of business out here.  How do you know him?”

 

“He’s a witness in one of my cases,” Sebastian says, the lie coming easily since it’s one he often uses to disguise his informants.  “But he’s been dodging me lately.  Have you seen him today?”

 

“Not today,” Zora says.  “But that’s not unusual.  Friday and Saturday are Slade’s big party nights, so he’s not usually around on Sunday until later in the day.”

 

“You know Slade?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Zora says with a frown.  “But you stay away from him, Sebastian.  I’ve heard they execute cops over there.”

 

Sebastian raises his eyebrows.  He hasn’t heard of anything like that actually happening, but it sounds like the kind of reputation Slade would cultivate in the community.  “How do you know Slade?”

 

“He and his thugs come through every once in a while… ‘recruiting’ as they call it.”  Zora makes air quotes around the word ‘recruiting’, and Sebastian cocks his head to one side.  He’s not familiar with Slade’s recruiting methods.  “They offer protection,” Zora explains, “but of course it’s at the cost of your freedom.”

 

“Protection from what?” Sebastian asks.

 

“From them.”  Zora rolls her eyes.  “They’ve been tearing up the neighborhood for years.”  Sebastian frowns, because he feels like this is the kind of thing KCPD should know something about.  “No one reports it anymore,” Zora adds.  “What’s the point?  We can’t stop them.  Police can’t stop them.”

 

“But some of you are holding out?” Sebastian asks.  For as long as he’s known Zora, she’s been her own boss, and he doesn’t think that’s likely to change.

 

“Damn straight,” she says, setting down her coffee cup.  “I may not be in the most dignified line of work, but at least I make my own rules- set my own rates, choose my own clients.”

 

Sebastian nods.  He’s well aware that Stefano doesn’t have the luxury to make any of those decisions for himself.  “So what kind of people work for Slade?” he asks.

 

“People with no other options.  People who have nowhere else to go and no one else to turn to.  Immigrants, addicts, runaways.”  Zora shrugs.  “I feel bad for them, but I’ve got enough to worry about just looking out for myself.”

 

Sebastian nods again.  He doesn’t doubt that most of Krimson City’s sex workers don’t have time to look out for each other, which probably facilitates Slade’s plan.  “What about people who used to work for him?  What do they say?”

 

Zora frowns.  “No one ‘used to’ work for him.  That’s the weird thing.”  Her eyes dart toward the street, then focus back on Sebastian.  “Usually we see girls- and guys sometimes- go off with a new pimp, but they’ll be back on the street later because they had a falling out or they weren’t earning enough or whatever.”  She punctuates this with a roll of her eyes.  “But the ones who go to work for Slade don’t come back.  Hell, half of his clients don’t come back either.”

 

Sebastian starts to speak but Zora interrupts, leaning across the table and lowering her voice, her speech fast but precise.  “I know what you’re thinking, and maybe they OD-ed or maybe they skipped town, but we both know that’s not what happened- not to so many people. There’s something fucked up going on over there, and I could be in a lot of trouble for talking to you about it.”

 

Their food arrives just then, but Sebastian doesn’t feel much like eating.  If Zora is right, if both escorts and clients are disappearing from Slade’s in large numbers, then Sebastian doesn’t know what to think.  Escorts and homeless drug addicts are one thing, but what about the rest of Slade’s clientele?  People like Sebastian, people who have ties in the community, would surely be missed if they just disappeared.

 

And then Sebastian remembers all of the missing persons.  Those people were missed, were probably searched for, but have never been found.  Are they being killed and disposed of?  Or are they alive somewhere?  He pushes his food around on his plate, mulling all of this over as Zora finishes her omelet and checks her cell phone.

 

“So, what’s your theory?” Sebastian asks.  “Do you think they’re being trafficked somewhere else?”

 

“Could be,” Zora answers, though she sounds uncertain.  “Look, you know about Perez, right?”

 

“Who?” Sebastian asks, because he apparently doesn’t know about Perez.

 

“Riker,” Zora offers, and she must see the recognition on Sebastian’s face, because she continues.  “His given name is Emmanuel Perez.”  She darts her eyes back and forth again before adding, “and he’s MS-13.”

 

“What?” Sebastian hisses, because this could explain a lot.  MS-13 is a violent criminal street gang with pockets of activity all over North and Central America.  They haven’t been active in Krimson before, but Sebastian is well aware of their reputation for violence as well as trafficking in drugs, guns, and people.  “Are all of them…?”

 

Zora shakes her head and raises a hand to her mouth to stifle a laugh.  “Those idiots?” she says, “No, I think Perez is the only one.  And I think he’s the one running the show over there.  The other guys, even Slade, are just amateur thugs.”

 

Sebastian frowns.  “He’s got a record, but we have him under a different name.”

 

“Just fingerprint him,” Zora offers.  “Then you’ll know.  Because apparently the database knows all.”  The sarcasm is heavy in her voice, and Sebastian recalls that Zora has her own reasons for disliking the fingerprint database, which firmly tethers her to the name Isaiah Robinson, her ‘dead name’ as Sebastian has heard her say before.

 

“Well maybe not all,” Sebastian says mildly.  “Otherwise we probably would have matched him up already.”

 

“In which case he’d be in jail for the rest of his life,” Zora points out.

 

“He’s got warrants?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Of course he’s got warrants,” Zora says.  “That’s supposedly why he left New York and came to work for Slade.”

 

Sebastian doesn’t put much stock in that comment.  A little thing like an outstanding arrest warrant wouldn’t have such a big impact on a hardened gang member.  But this does raise another question.  “What’s he doing here by himself?  Where’s the rest of the gang?”

 

“That’s what I’m not sure about,” Zora answers.  “There’s a rumor that he was kicked out, but I’ve never heard of anyone being ejected from MS-13 and living to tell about it.”

 

Sebastian nods, because it stands to reason that you can’t simply leave MS-13 on a whim.  He isn’t sure if he wants to know the circumstances under which Riker left, because every piece of information he learns about Riker is more disturbing than the one before.  “Do you know anything about the other guys who work for Slade?” he asks.

 

“Jay’s a decent kid when he’s on his meds and off the other drugs.  He actually used to crash at my place for a couple of months when he was homeless,” she offers.  “Murphy’s not so bad either, probably the most reasonable one in the bunch.  Those other two guys are just Slade’s lackeys- not particularly dangerous on their own, but in a group they’re like a pack of wild dogs.  But Riker’s still the one you really need to watch out for.”

 

“Thanks,” Sebastian says, though he didn’t need anyone to tell him that.  That said, the information about Riker is helpful, and it’s giving him an idea.

 

“I’ve got to get going,” Zora says, grabbing her purse and flashing Sebastian a smile.  “Need to make some money.”

 

“Stay safe out there,” Sebastian cautions.

 

“You too,” she says over her shoulder as she strides away with a flip of her hair.  Sebastian would offer her a ride, but he’s fairly certain that she doesn’t want to be seen with him any more than is absolutely necessary.  Cops are bad for business after all.  He pays the bill and heads back to his jeep, turning everything that he has just learned over in his mind.

 

There are a couple of things that aren’t adding up.  Riker’s been arrested in Krimson City before under the Norman Scott alias, which would mean he’s been fingerprinted under that name, but the prints were never matched to Emmanuel Perez.  It is possible, though unlikely, that Riker has never been fingerprinted as Perez.  It is also possible, and somewhat more likely, that no one has made the attempt to match up Riker’s aliases, though KCPD’s gang squad is fairly diligent about checking new arrests against known gang members.

 

Knowing all of this about Riker makes his involvement with Slade even more perplexing and adds fuel to Sebastian’s idea that Slade is involved in something much bigger than running a drug house or a brothel.  Everything that Sebastian has seen at Slade’s should be small time by Riker’s standards, and it’s unclear why he stays and why he defers to Slade.  If Slade and his other employees are as incompetent as they appear, then it must really be Riker who is running things, who is essential to Slade’s operation.

 

That thought jogs another memory, one of Slade telling Sebastian how essential Stefano is.  Sebastian wonders if the reason Stefano is essential is because he is part of Riker’s compensation for working for Slade.  Riker certainly has an unhealthy interest in Stefano and seems to be able to take quite a few liberties with him.

 

Sebastian realizes that he has been driving this whole time, and as he often does when he’s on autopilot, he has pulled into a parking space at Krimson City Park.  He is about to throw it into reverse and head back to the motel, when he realizes that this might actually serve his purposes.  Krimson City Park is one of the few places in the city that still has a pay phone.

 

The phone is near the end of the parking lot, away from the picnic shelters and playgrounds, which are busy on this hot Sunday afternoon.  He drives to the end of the lot and parks in front of it, rehearsing in his mind what he is going to say.  Then he gets out of the jeep, drops his money in the pay phone slot, and dials the number for the KCPD Fugitive Squad.

 

“Fugitive division,” says Detective Jannings, who Sebastian unfortunately knows very well from their days together as patrol officers.

 

Sebastian does his best to disguise his voice, forcing his words through his throat so that they come out low and gravelly.  “I need to report someone with active warrants.”

 

There is a pause.  Apparently Jannings is suspicious of his voice, which does not by any means sound natural.  His curiosity about Sebastian’s information wins out though, and he asks, “What’s the name?”

 

“Emmanuel Perez,” growls Sebastian into the phone, then, realizing that it might be a common name, he adds, “MS-13 member.”

 

“And where was he last seen?” Jannings asks.

 

“610 Calvert Street,” Sebastian grits out through his teeth, his throat already getting sore from talking like this.

 

“Got it,” Jannings says.  “And can you tell me-?”

 

Sebastian hangs up.  That’s enough information to get the Fugitive Squad to Slade’s house, and he’s afraid that if this goes on any longer Jannings is somehow going to recognize his voice.  He gets in the jeep and starts the engine.  It’s going to take one hell of a diversion for him to get Stefano out of Slade’s house, but the Fugitive Squad tends to create one hell of a diversion wherever they go.

 

Sebastian’s original intention is to head straight for Calvert Street, but there are dark clouds rolling in, and it looks like they’re about to have a summer storm, so he makes a quick stop at his house to put the top back on the jeep.  It’ll take the Fugitive Squad some time to mobilize anyway, and he’s not eager to get caught in the rain with the top down.

 

 

 

 

By the time he parks on a side street with a view of Slade’s house, it is late afternoon, the air is thick, and the sky is dark.  He transfers his revolver to his hip holster and waits, almost twitching in anticipation, because any minute the Fugitive Squad is going to roll up and break down Slade’s door to take Riker into custody, and hopefully spot enough drugs and guns to let them get a search warrant for the whole building.

 

An hour goes by, and no one arrives.  Sebastian is mystified.  Maybe breaking down the door based on an anonymous tip was a little optimistic, but there should at least be someone here asking for Riker.  The Fugitive Squad lives for this kind of thing, and Sebastian is certain that after he got off the phone with Jannings, they would have run Riker’s record and realized what a high level criminal he is.

 

Another hour goes by, and it is becoming more and more apparent to Sebastian that no one is coming.  He has no explanation for KCPD’s complete lack of interest in this house, and is in fact starting to wonder if there is some reason they are willfully not investigating it.  More importantly though, he is not leaving without at least seeing Stefano, so he stows his revolver back in the lockbox and puts the holster away before heading down the sidewalk to Slade’s house.

 

As it’s now been almost twelve hours with no contact from Stefano, Sebastian is ready to assume the worst.  He isn’t sure exactly what ‘the worst’ is for an escort living in a drug house with a bunch of coked-up gangbangers, but he’s worried enough to risk exposing himself to Slade.

 

Murphy opens the door after Sebastian knocks twice.  He has an assault rifle in hand, though he’s not really holding it as though he’s prepared to fire.  He blinks uncomprehendingly at Sebastian, and Sebastian wonders if Murphy is high or really stupid or whether everyone is just that much more suspicious on nights when they are not expecting anyone.

 

“I’ve been trying to set up an appointment with Stefano,” Sebastian begins.  “Do you know where he is?”

 

Murphy frowns at him.  “I don’t think Stefano’s seeing clients today.”

 

Sebastian tries a different approach.  “Can I talk to Slade then?”

 

“Fine, c’mon in,” Murphy grunts as he steps back so that Sebastian can enter the building.

 

After the pat-down, Murphy leads him up to the second floor and down the hall until they reach the room that Sebastian is beginning to think of as Slade’s lounge area, where Slade, Jay, and Young are playing a video game.  Riker is leaning up against the wall looking at his phone.

 

Both Slade and Riker look up as Sebastian enters, but Slade’s expression is one of cheerful surprise, while Riker’s is more like barely concealed disdain.

 

“Hey,” Slade calls out, “Sebastian, right?”  He pauses the game and extends his hand.

 

“Yeah, that’s right,” Sebastian says, shaking Slade’s hand.

 

“Good to see you again,” Slade says.  “You need more stuff?”

 

“Maybe,” Sebastian replies, “but I actually came to see Stefano.  I’ve been trying to set up an appointment with him, but he’s not responding.”

 

“Yeah, I think he’s sick or something,” Slade says.  “Been in bed all day.  I’ve got another guy you might like though.”

 

“I’d really rather just see Stefano if that’s possible,” Sebastian says.  He isn’t entirely sure that what he’s asking for is within the realm of normal behavior for someone hiring an escort, but surely johns have their favorites and would go to see them specifically.

 

Slade shrugs.  “You can go up there if you want, but he’s probably not going to be too enthusiastic.  I’ll give you an hour for two hundred dollars.”

 

It takes every ounce of Sebastian’s restraint not to punch Slade right in his stupid face, but he holds back and reaches for his wallet, takes out two hundred dollars, and hands it to Slade, who counts it and tucks it away in his pocket.

 

“If he’s really uncooperative, just let me know and I’ll get one of these guys to help you out,” Slade says, gesturing at Young and Riker.  Riker has abandoned all pretense and is now openly glaring at Sebastian. 

 

“I’m sure that won’t be necessary,” Sebastian says, trying to choke down the bile that is rising up in his throat at just the idea of what Slade is suggesting.

 

“Murphy, show him where Stefano’s room is,” Slade directs.

 

“I’ll take him up,” Riker volunteers.  “Murphy needs to get back on the door.”

 

“Fine,” Slade replies, going back to his game.

 

Riker crosses the room and brushes past Sebastian, heading for the staircase.  Sebastian trails behind him, takes a few deep breaths, and struggles to get himself back under control, because he is furious at Slade right now.  It’s not having to pay to see Stefano, because he should have expected that.  It’s the fact that Stefano is apparently too sick to answer his phone, but Slade is still willing to lease his body out to anyone who shows up with money.  Someone needs to shut this asshole down.

 

They climb up to the third floor, where Riker turns to Sebastian.  “Go easy on him if you don’t mind,” he says puffing his chest up as he looks down at Sebastian.  “I’ve already had him a couple of times today, so he’s probably pretty sore.”

 

Sebastian just stares at him in disbelief, because clearly this is not something he would be saying to any other client.  He is posturing at Sebastian as though he is some sort of romantic rival, and Sebastian isn’t sure how to respond to that.  He doesn’t want to jeopardize his chances of seeing Stefano though.

 

“Fine,” he says finally.  “Where is he?”

 

“This way,” Riker turns and leads him down the hallway to the second door on the left.  “Just let me know if he gives you any trouble,” Riker says with a leer.  “I’m very good at getting him to cooperate.”

 

Riker opens the door and sticks his head inside.  “Stefano,” he says, “you’ve got a client.”  He steps back from the door.

 

“Go ahead,” he says to Sebastian.  “Just be back downstairs in an hour.”  He walks past Sebastian and back down the stairs, heavy footsteps echoing on the bare floors.  Sebastian checks his watch and steps forward into the doorway of Stefano’s room.

 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sound of footsteps from below catches his attention, causes him to freeze, stilling his hand and tensing his body, as he waits to see where they will go. These are not the quiet, discreet footsteps that he heard on the fourth floor with him last night. This sounds more like a group of people, and they are climbing the stairs. 
> 
> Stefano’s breathing falters, and Sebastian realizes that he is awake now. “You need to go,” he whispers.

 

 

The room is small and tidy but mostly empty except for a mattress on the floor and a few items of clothing strewn about as though someone undressed in a hurry.  Faint light is filtering in through the dirty window from the overcast sky outside.  Stefano is lying on the mattress wrapped in a thick duvet cover, which does not bode well for his health, because Sebastian is already finding the room uncomfortably warm.

 

Sebastian hesitates in the doorway, afraid that stepping over the threshold will invade what little privacy Stefano has left in his life.  Stefano eyes him warily for a few seconds, before he speaks.  “Sebastian?”  His voice is weak and hoarse.

 

“Yeah, it’s me,” Sebastian says, because Stefano is still staring at him with an expression that is equal parts confusion and distrust.  “You weren’t answering your phone.” 

 

“Slade took it,” Stefano croaks.

 

“What?  Why?” Sebastian asks.

 

“I haven’t seen any clients today,” Stefano says by way of explanation.  “Why did you come here?  Are you staying?”  He pats the bed next to him.

 

Sebastian steps into the room and closes the door behind him.  He sits down on the floor next to the mattress, resting his back against the wall.  Despite the invitation, Stefano still looks like a cornered animal, which is understandable if he’s been catering to Riker all day, and it somehow seems too intimate to actually sit down on his bed.

 

“Just worried about you,” Sebastian says, folding his arms across his chest.  “You look like hell, by the way.”

 

Stefano smiles, his face relaxing a bit.  “I don’t feel terribly well either.”

 

“What happened?” Sebastian asks.  “Did Riker-?”  He remembers the cameras and slouches down the wall a little, leaning toward Stefano so that he can speak more quietly.  “Did Riker hit you again?”

 

Stefano opens his mouth, and Sebastian fully expects him to vehemently deny being injured, but he seems to think better of it.  “It was much like what you saw last night,” Stefano says finally.

 

“You need to see a doctor,” Sebastian says.  “Will Slade let me take you to a doctor?”

 

“No,” Stefano replies.  “I’ll be alright.  Slade brings in a doctor sometimes if-”

 

Stefano stops speaking abruptly and they both look toward the ceiling for a moment as the sky opens up outside and rain starts to hit the roof.  It sounds like a torrential downpour, and even though they’re not on the top floor, it’s pretty fucking loud.

 

Sebastian glances back down to see that Stefano is inching closer to him.  He freezes when Sebastian’s eyes meet his.  “You okay?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes, of course,” Stefano replies.  “It is only the rain.”

 

Sebastian raises an eyebrow, because Stefano isn’t reacting like it’s only the rain.  Stefano really does look like hell though, and Sebastian isn’t going to push for an answer on this right now.  Which brings him back to his original point- Stefano should probably see a doctor.

 

“Are you feverish?” Sebastian asks, reaching out to place his hand on Stefano’s forehead.  He does feel a little warm.  “Any nausea?”

 

Stefano sighs, and his voice has a hard edge to it when he says, “Would you like to examine me, Sebastian?”

 

“What?” Sebastian says reflexively, pulling his hand back.  “No, I-”

 

Stefano throws the duvet off of him with a dramatic flip of his arm, exposing his naked body to Sebastian.  “You paid Slade, didn’t you?  Do what you will.”  He closes his eye, and Sebastian stares at him in shock for a few seconds.  His abdomen is still badly bruised and appears to be swollen now.

 

“Jesus, Stefano,” Sebastian says, reaching over Stefano to grab the duvet and pull it back over his body, which trembles with shivers and shallow, rapid breaths.  “You know that’s not what I meant.”

 

Stefano’s eye opens and he gazes steadily at Sebastian.  It is obvious to Sebastian now that even in Stefano’s mind, his body is not his own, and he is accustomed to people taking what they want from him.  It makes Sebastian feel a little sick.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian says, more quietly.  “I’m just worried about you.  I didn’t mean to be pushy.”

 

Stefano nods, still shivering.

 

“You said Slade would bring in a doctor?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  “He has a doctor who visits if someone is very ill, though I am not eager to see him.”

 

“Why not?” Sebastian asks.

 

“He is a rather unpleasant man,” Stefano replies.  Sebastian waits to see if he is going to continue speaking, but Stefano lapses into silence.  There is a brief flash of lightning followed by a crash of thunder that makes them both jump.  Stefano winces, letting out his breath in a low hiss.

 

“Have you…did you…”  Sebastian fumbles with his words for a moment as he tries to find a more delicate way to phrase his next question.  “Is it possible that Riker hurt you when he was…?”

 

Stefano shakes his head.  “Stop it, Sebastian.  This is not your world.  You don’t understand how things work here.”

 

“I understand that some pretty fucked up shit goes down here,” Sebastian snaps, forgetting to monitor the volume of his voice.  Just because Stefano has learned to cope with this treatment doesn’t make it acceptable in Sebastian’s mind.  “Is that what you mean?  If you’re injured-”

 

“If I have been injured, Slade’s doctor will handle it,” Stefano says, voice slightly raised.  “He is very…thorough.”  Stefano doesn’t look like he wants Slade’s doctor to handle it.  His shivering is more pronounced now.

 

“Look, Stefano, I know it’s not my place to-” Sebastian begins to say, but Stefano cuts him off.

 

“You are correct.  It is not your place,” Stefano says, voice cold and surprisingly strong.  Then there is another crash of thunder, and Stefano jumps halfway off the mattress and into Sebastian’s lap.  He lands with a grunt of pain, but Sebastian’s arms are already around him.

 

Stefano relaxes, letting his upper body rest across Sebastian’s lap.  His whole body is shaking, and Sebastian gathers the duvet more securely around him.  Then he has another thought.  “When was your last hit?” he asks.

 

“At the party last night,” Stefano replies.  Sebastian nods even though Stefano can’t see him.  Nearly twenty-four hours without the drug in his system probably isn’t helping him feel any better.

 

The sit in silence for several minutes, Sebastian rubbing Stefano’s back.  He notices that Stefano will start to doze for a few seconds, but each flash of lightning or crash of thunder startles him awake.  The storm bothers him for some reason, though if he isn’t volunteering any information, Sebastian is willing to leave that alone for now.  He has much more important things on his mind, and if Stefano can’t sleep anyway, maybe he can answer a few questions.

 

“Look, Stefano,” he begins.  “I hate to ask you about this stuff when you’re not feeling well, but I overheard you and Riker talking about something last night- about me I think.”

 

“What was that?” Stefano asks.

 

“I’m not sure,” Sebastian answers.  “He said that they were going to take me, but I don’t know who they are.”

 

“Nor do I,” Stefano replies.  He exhales a long breath.  “I do recall the conversation you are describing, but Riker can often be rather dramatic, and, as you may have noticed, he is quite jealous of you.”

 

“But you agreed with him,” Sebastian points out.  “Or at least…you didn’t argue with him.”

 

“Sebastian, I was in no position to argue with him,” Stefano replies.  “Need I remind you what was going on at the time?”

 

“No,” Sebastian says quickly.  “I remember, but I need to know what this is about.”  He pauses, collecting his thoughts.  “Stefano, what happens to the clients who disappear from this house?”

 

Stefano goes tense in his lap.  “I do not know what you mean,” he says.  “The clients do not disappear.  They come and they go.  I service them while they are here.  What they do afterward is no concern of mine.”

 

Sebastian tries a different approach.  “Would you warn me if I was in some sort of danger?”

 

“Of course you are in danger,” Stefano answers quickly.  “I have told you that from the beginning.  Slade is a dangerous man.  You need to be very careful.”

 

“That’s not what I meant,” Sebastian sighs.  “Look, I don’t know why you’re so loyal to Slade and Riker, but if we’re at the point where you’re withholding information from me, then I think we may have come as far as we can go working together.”

 

He doesn’t mean for it to sound so final, but apparently Stefano takes it that way, because he starts to shift back onto the mattress and away from Sebastian, but freezes, breathing hard and muffling a groan behind his hand.

 

“Easy,” Sebastian says, his own hand still on Stefano’s back.  “Stay here.  You’re hurting.”

 

Stefano reluctantly eases back down into Sebastian’s lap, and they sit in silence, listening to the storm outside.  Eventually Stefano seems to drift into a sort of restless sleep, still stirring when the storm gets loud, but not quite waking up.

 

Sebastian is at a loss.  He was so sure that Stefano would tell him something else, would give him some more information to go on, but with the brief exception of their pleasant interlude this morning, Stefano is completely under Slade’s influence.  Even though Stefano is lying half across his lap, the distance between them has never seemed greater.

 

The sound of footsteps from below catches his attention, causes him to freeze, stilling his hand and tensing his body, as he waits to see where they will go.  These are not the quiet, discreet footsteps that he heard on the fourth floor with him last night.  This sounds more like a group of people, and they are climbing the stairs.

 

Stefano’s breathing falters, and Sebastian realizes that he is awake now.  “You need to go,” he whispers.

 

“Why?” Sebastian whispers back.  “What’s happening?”  The footsteps are getting louder.  Stefano sits halfway up and pushes himself fully back onto the mattress, his face contorting in pain as he does so.

 

“You need to go, Sebastian,” Stefano says more forcefully this time.  “If you stay here, Slade will make a show out of it.  He has done it before.”

 

“What?” Sebastian says, frowning down at Stefano.  “I don’t know what you mean.  And either way, I’m not leaving you like this.”

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano’s voice drops to an urgent hiss as the footsteps reach the third floor landing.  “You don’t want to see this.  I guarantee it.”

 

Sebastian scrambles to his feet and is about to whisper back a retort, when there is heavy knock and the door opens to reveal Riker and Slade, who step into the room followed by Lance, Young, Murphy, and a man Sebastian doesn’t know.  The new man is older than Slade’s gang.  Sebastian would guess he’s in his early fifties based on the lines on his face and his receding hairline.  He has dark hair and a neatly trimmed beard, and he’s dressed in a button-down shirt and khaki pants.

 

“Sorry to barge in, Sebastian,” Slade begins, “but this is Dr. Jimenez.  He’s here to take a look at Stefano.”

 

With no idea what else to do in this situation, Sebastian steps forward and extends a hand to Dr. Jimenez, who switches his large black bag to the other hand so that he can shake Sebastian’s.  “Nice to meet you, Sebastian.  I do hope I’m not interrupting.”

 

Sebastian goes rigid and a chill runs up his spine, because he’s heard that voice before, from the bottom of the well, from the darkness outside the surgical lights.  He tries to recover, releasing Jimenez’s hand abruptly and taking a step back.  “No, it’s fine,” he says.  “Should we step out and give you and Stefano some privacy?”

 

Slade cuts in.  “Only if you want to,” he says.  “Otherwise, you’re welcome to stay.  Dr. Jimenez is familiar with how our business works, so if you have any requests, he can usually accommodate them.”

 

“What do you mean?” Sebastian asks, thoroughly baffled by how his requests could possibly be related to Stefano’s medical care.

 

“I mean that if there’s a particular procedure or instrument or test you want to see, we can do that.  Just name it, and I’ll quote you a price.”

 

It hits Sebastian hard that Slade is offering to have medical procedures performed on Stefano for Sebastian’s entertainment, and Stefano’s insistence that Sebastian leave is starting to make a lot more sense.  As much as he doesn’t want to abandon Stefano, he also doesn’t want to stay if his presence alone is going to make things that much worse.

 

“I should probably get going,” he says, gesturing toward the door.  Slade’s men obligingly step aside, though Sebastian keeps his eyes on Murphy’s assault rifle.  He takes a few steps toward the door as Jimenez turns away from him to confer with Slade, but Riker’s voice stops him dead in his tracks.

 

Riker is speaking softly, clearly to Stefano.  “What did I tell you?  None of them are going to stay.  Not when you’re too broken to give them what they want anymore.  Not when you’re-”

 

“Wait,” Sebastian says, turning on his heel.  “I’ll stay.”  He doesn’t want to do this, doesn’t want to see this, but he can’t let Stefano think that anything Riker says is true.  Somehow those words cut him deeper than all of the other horrible things Riker does.

 

Slade turns from his conversation with Jimenez to look at Sebastian again.  “Excellent.  Anything in particular you’d like to see?”

 

“Not at the moment,” Sebastian says, doing his best to inject enough confidence into his voice that he will sound like the kind of man who routinely subjects others to medical procedures for his own amusement, “but I may have something later.”

 

“Very good,” Jimenez says, setting down his bag.  “Would you prefer that we move him downstairs?  There are rooms that might give you a better view of the examination.”

 

Sebastian hopes to never see the inside of one of those rooms again, especially now that he fully appreciates how they are being used.  He clears his throat.  “That won’t be necessary.  I think we’re fine here.”

 

Slade gestures to Riker, and Riker, Young, and Lance step toward the mattress.  Sebastian shoots Slade a questioning look.

 

“Stefano isn’t the most cooperative patient,” Slade explains.  “We won’t be any rougher than necessary, unless that’s what you want.”  He raises a questioning eyebrow at Sebastian.

 

Sebastian shakes his head and tries to keep his tone neutral.  “Let’s try to keep him comfortable then.”

 

The look on Stefano’s face when Slade’s men reach for him is pure, unadulterated terror.  Riker tears the duvet from his grasp and tosses it aside.  Then he grabs Stefano’s legs and Young and Lance each take an arm.  They aren’t being overly rough, but they aren’t especially careful either, as they roll him onto his back and maneuver him down to the end of the mattress so that his hips are right at the edge.  What is most alarming is how well-coordinated this all is, and Sebastian wonders how many times they’ve done it.

 

When they’ve settled themselves, with Lance and Young each pinning one of Stefano’s arms to the mattress, and Riker bracing his own powerful arm over Stefano’s thighs, Jimenez turns to Sebastian.

 

“I often administer a light sedative that helps my patients tolerate the exam better,” Jimenez says.  “Though I can forgo it if you would prefer to see-”

 

“No,” Sebastian says quickly, because he’s spent enough time with Stefano to know what he would prefer, and he certainly doesn’t want to see Stefano suffer.  “Go ahead and give it to him.”

 

Jimenez opens his bag and retrieves a syringe and bottle.  As he draws up the injection, Sebastian chances a look at Stefano.  His gaze is fixed on the ceiling, and his face is scarlet.  Sebastian realizes belatedly that embarrassment about being seen in this situation is another reason Stefano might have been urging him to leave.  He wants to go to Stefano, stroke his face, tell him that none of this is any reflection on him, but of course he can’t.  The kindest thing he can do at that moment is avert his gaze, which he does.

 

Murphy is still standing in the doorway with his rifle, and Slade is next to him, slouched against the wall, as Jimenez administers the sedative.  Stefano seems to be perfectly compliant with this, or at least, Slade’s men aren’t struggling to hold him.  Jimenez returns to his bag, and Sebastian steps aside to give him more space.

 

“Where should I stand to be out of the way?” Sebastian asks.

 

Slade laughs.  “Stand wherever you want.  You’re the one who’s paying,” he says.  “Actually where you want to be depends on what your angle is.  You’d get the best view of everything from down there by Riker, but if you’re feeling sentimental, go and sit by his head.  He responds well to you.”

 

Sebastian doesn’t know what that means, but he’d certainly rather be by Stefano’s head than anywhere else right now.  He takes a step toward the mattress, risking another look at Stefano, who appears considerably more relaxed.  His eye is unfocused, and his face is slack.

 

“Does he even know I’m here?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes, he does,” Jimenez explains.  “Just sit with him.  Keep him calm.  The drug I administered is dissociative, so he’ll be confused, but he’s still aware, and the examination will likely be uncomfortable for him.”

 

Sebastian nods.  He doesn’t trust Slade, and he doesn’t trust this doctor.  His relief that Stefano is finally being seen by some sort of medical professional is ebbing away as he realizes just how thoroughly Jimenez is controlled by Slade.  That said, he’s unarmed and not really in a position to argue with anyone, and providing Stefano some comfort might be the only thing he can do to make this situation any better.

 

Sebastian takes a seat on the mattress next to Stefano’s head.  Stefano’s eye drifts lazily in his direction, and a slight smile crosses his face.  “Hello, Sebastian,” he says dreamily, then adds, “You should have left when I told you to.”

 

“You might be right,” Sebastian says, making an effort to keep his voice low, even though it seems that everyone else is focused on Jimenez, who is unpacking his medical bag.  “Since I’m here though, what should I do?”

 

Stefano takes a few deep breaths and rolls his head from side to side before he answers.  “Do as they say.”  His eye comes to rest on Sebastian again.  “And if you don’t mind terribly, perhaps you could put your hands on me?”

 

“Of course,” Sebastian says.  It does seem like an odd request when three other people already have their hands on him, but Sebastian adjusts himself so that he is kneeling on the mattress behind Stefano’s head and places his hands lightly on Stefano’s shoulders.  “Like this?” he asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, “thank you.”

 

Sebastian doesn’t have time to respond, because Jimenez has finished setting up some sort of portable examination light.  He positions it over Stefano and switches it on, and immediately Sebastian is practically blinded.  Stefano struggles underneath him, but Young and Lance’s tight grip on his arms prevents him from going very far.

 

Sebastian is just starting to regain some of his vision when Slade leans over to pick something up from the floor and tosses it to him.  It’s a shirt, clearly one of Stefano’s based on the style.

 

“Put it over his face,” Slade says.  “It’ll calm him down.”

 

Sebastian places the shirt over Stefano’s face, obscuring his eye, and true to Slade’s word, Stefano’s struggles do subside a little.  Sebastian brings his hands back to Stefano’s shoulders, giving him a squeeze, and he goes still.  There is a prickle in Sebastian’s mind, something familiar about this whole situation, but he puts it aside, because Jimenez has pulled on his latex gloves and is kneeling on the bed now beside Lance.

 

The first touch of Jimenez’s gloved hands causes Stefano to emit a low moan, and it doesn’t get any better after that. 

 

“Abdominal cavity is distended, heavy bruising visible,” Jimenez notes, though Sebastian isn’t sure if he’s speaking to himself or Slade or some unseen recording device.  “Painful,” he adds as Stefano hisses in discomfort.  Jimenez starts just below Stefano’s rib cage, pressing his hands firmly into Stefano’s abdomen, occasionally pausing to probe an area more thoroughly.  Each moan and whimper from Stefano, each time he tries to struggle against the men holding him, tugs at Sebastian’s heart, makes him feel a little ill himself.

 

Stefano’s reactions only intensify as Jimenez moves lower on his body, and any attempts by Jimenez to palpate his lower abdomen are met with yelps and cries and much more violent struggling, though Slade’s men keep him immobile.  Sebastian’s hands have moved to Stefano’s face, gently cradling his head as he murmurs words of comfort that he isn’t sure anyone, even Stefano, can hear.  Regardless, Stefano is sobbing by the time Jimenez sits back and turns to Slade.

 

“There is evidence of significant internal bleeding, but that’s as much as I can tell without an ultrasound,” he says.  “Has he been subjected to any rough treatment recently?”

 

Slade looks at Riker.  Riker looks at Jimenez.  Sebastian fumes silently.

 

“I see,” Jimenez says.  “Let me perform a brief internal exam to make sure there aren’t any obvious tears or perforations, but I think after that I’ll have to take him back to the hospital with me.”

 

Jimenez turns back to his bag and produces a steel instrument that Sebastian immediately wishes he hadn’t seen.  He quickly directs his attention back to Stefano’s face, lifting up the edge of the shirt to check on him.

 

“How are you doing?” he murmurs, trying to ignore the fact that he can still see Jimenez lubricating the instrument in his peripheral vision.

 

“Hurts,” Stefano says, his voice barely above a whisper.  He blinks slowly.  “Is it over?”

 

“No, I’m afraid not,” Sebastian strokes his cheek, wishing that it was actually over, wishing that he had a gun, wishing that KCPD had agreed to investigate Slade the first time he tried to tell them about him, wishing that the fugitive squad really would show up and break Slade’s door down.  There is nothing more frustrating than being here with Stefano, who is clearly suffering, who is clearly not being helped by the people who are supposed to be responsible for his welfare, and to be unable to do anything about it.

 

“Well, at least you are here,” Stefano slurs.  “That is some comfort.”

 

Sebastian’s heart aches, because Stefano deserves much more comfort than his life has allowed him.

 

“Raise his legs,” Jimenez directs, and Riker releases Stefano’s legs so that Young and Lance can each take hold of one of them behind the knee and draw them up almost to his chest.

 

Stefano’s breath catches, and he turns his face into Sebastian’s hand.  “Can you come closer?” he says softly.

 

Sebastian isn’t sure about that, but he moves closer the only way he can, which is to scoot down the bed so that his knees are on either side of Stefano’s head.

 

“Sebastian, are you sure you don’t want to come down here?” Riker asks, interrupting the moment he is having with Stefano.  “It’s a great view.”

 

“No, I’m fine where I am,” Sebastian answers quickly.  He most definitely does not want to see any of this.  He is actually fairly certain that if he sees that instrument again or whatever Jimenez is going to do to Stefano’s body with it, he is going to be sick.

 

Jimenez crouches down at the foot of the bed, where Stefano is completely exposed to him, taking the surgical light with him.  Now that the light isn’t reaching his eye, Sebastian adjusts the shirt a bit so that it is not blocking his view of Stefano as much.  He shifts his hands to either side of Stefano’s face again, gently supporting his head, hoping that what he is doing doesn’t seem like more restraint to Stefano.

 

Stefano jerks suddenly, every muscle going taught, and against his better judgment, Sebastian glances down his body to see that Jimenez is probing between his legs with a gloved finger.

 

“There are a number of small external fissures,” Jimenez says, looking up at Slade for a moment, “but no particular cause for concern.”  He raises the instrument.  “Let me take a look inside.”

 

Sebastian finds himself wishing that he could hold Stefano’s hand, but Stefano’s arms are being thoroughly pinned by Lance and Young, so Sebastian has to be content with stroking his face.  He focuses his attention there and tries to block out everything else.

 

Stefano makes a small, choked gasp.  “No, please,” he whines, turning his face into Sebastian’s hand again.  The next sound he makes is deep in his throat, almost as though he is gagging, and Sebastian is afraid for a moment that he might actually be choking on something, but then his whole body is twisting as he tries to struggle away.

 

Riker leans forward and plants a hand firmly on Stefano’s abdomen, pressing down until Stefano cries out.  He is still attempting to squirm in the grasp of the many hands that are on him, but his struggles are even more ineffectual than before, and his whimpers and sobs are physically painful for Sebastian to hear.

 

“Almost there,” Jimenez says, and Sebastian wants to tell him to hurry the fuck up, or better yet, to leave Stefano the hell alone.  Stefano’s breaths are coming fast and heavy now, his chest rising and falling rapidly, and when Sebastian impulsively reaches out to place a hand over his heart, he can feel it racing under his palm.

 

He glances up, to find Riker staring him down with a cold fury in his eyes.  They are frozen like that for a moment, each with a hand on Stefano, until a metallic click draws both of their attention back to Jimenez.

 

 “There we go,” Jimenez says as Stefano makes another pained, strangled noise.  Jimenez readjusts his light, crouching down a bit and peering between Stefano’s legs with a frown.  “There is some damage, though nothing so dramatic as to explain the condition he is in.”  He gestures to Stefano’s abdomen.  “It seems more likely that it was caused by blunt trauma.”

 

Stefano is still breathing hard, eye squeezed tightly shut.

 

“Are we finished here?” Jimenez asks, looking at Slade.

 

“What do you think Sebastian?” Slade asks.  “Dr. Jimenez can handle pretty much anything.  What exactly is it that does it for you?”

 

Slade is staring intently at him now, as if he thinks he can determine whatever weird sexual bullshit Sebastian is into if he just looks hard enough.  It’s a strange feeling, and combined with the agitation Sebastian already feels about the whole situation, it pushes him to his boiling point.

 

He fixes Slade with a hard stare of his own.  “What does it for me is none of your concern,” he says firmly, then turns to Jimenez.  “You said you’d be taking Stefano to the hospital?”

 

“Yes,” Jimenez replies.  “He is going to require more advanced diagnostics and treatment than we can provide here.”

 

“Good,” Sebastian says, hoping sincerely that getting out of Slade’s house and into a hospital will put an end to this madness and get Stefano some actual treatment.  “Let’s do that then.”

 

“Very well,” Jimenez replies.  He makes an adjustment to the instrument, and there is another metallic click.  Stefano lets out his breath in a long rush as Jimenez draws the instrument out of his body.

 

Lance and Young release Stefano and consult briefly with Slade before leaving the room.  Sebastian can hear their footsteps going down the stairs.  Riker also rises to his feet and goes to stand by Slade.  With Murphy still at the door, and Jimenez busy packing up his medical bag, Sebastian turns his attention back to Stefano, who is making feeble attempts to cover himself with his hands.

 

Sebastian grabs the duvet and pulls it back over Stefano, and Stefano turns onto his side with a hiss of pain.  Sebastian shifts off of the bed and is going to back off to give Stefano some space, but Stefano catches him by the wrist before he can get very far.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says.  His voice is very quiet, but controlled, and his eye is focused on Sebastian as though he is coming out of the drugs a bit.  Sebastian leans in close, and Stefano continues.  “Listen to me carefully.  You are correct that there are things I have not told you, but I need you to trust me.”  He pauses and takes a deep breath, his next words coming out in rapid succession.  “Leave now.  Do not come back to this house.  Do not have any further contact with Slade.  Do not try to find me.  Do not come to the hospital.  Do you understand?”

 

Sebastian isn’t sure if Stefano is trying to keep him away from the truth or out of danger or both, but he is sure that if the two of them are separated it is going to make things much worse for Stefano.  He draws back and shakes his head.  He’s close to a breakthrough, and Stefano is in danger, and he is not going to back out now.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano hisses, but Sebastian ignores him.

 

“Can I meet you at the hospital?” he asks Jimenez.

 

“I’m afraid not,” Jimenez replies.  “My hospital isn’t open to the public.”

 

“What do you mean?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Exactly what I’ve said,” Jimenez answers, closing his bag and standing up.  “It’s a private hospital.”

 

Sebastian gets to his feet as well, squaring off to Jimenez and preparing for a retort, but Slade, steps in between them, arms outstretched.  “Hold on Sebastian.  I’m sure we can arrange for you to see Stefano by appointment.”  He shoots a meaningful look at Jimenez.  “Maybe tomorrow?  Once he’s settled in?”

 

Jimenez raises an eyebrow but replies, “Yes, I suppose that is something that could be arranged.  I’m sure Mr. Slade will be able to tell you everything you need to know.”  He turns back to Slade.  “If I could just have some assistance getting him to my car.”

 

“You got it,” Slade says, nodding to Riker.  Riker takes a step toward Stefano, but Sebastian pivots to face him, because if there is one person who has no business going near Stefano ever again, it is Riker.

 

“I can’t let you do that,” he says in his best cop voice, though he’s hoping that under the circumstances he’ll just come off as assertive.  Apparently he comes off as thoroughly unimpressive though, because Riker casually shoves a shoulder into his chest as he passes by, and Sebastian staggers backward.

 

When he regains his feet, Riker has gathered Stefano, duvet and all, up in his arms and is heading for the door.  Sebastian tries to follow them, but Murphy steps in front of him, rifle pointed center-mass on Sebastian, and Sebastian stops abruptly, hands raised.  His blood is boiling, his heart is pounding, but he’s no good to Stefano or anyone else if he’s dead.

 

Jimenez follows Riker out of the room, while Slade turns to Sebastian.  “Look, Sebastian,” he says, raising his own hands as he speaks, “I know you like Stefano, but he needs to get some medical care.  You’ll be able to see him as soon as Dr. Jimenez has him more stable.”

 

Sebastian’s vision is starting to cloud around the edges, and he is practically shaking in his rage.  To hear Slade talk as though he knows what’s best for Stefano, as though he wants what’s best for Stefano, is infuriating, especially when no one in this room has taken into account what Stefano himself might want.  But the assault rifle is a powerful motivator, and Sebastian takes a deep breath and then another, forces himself to calm down, because getting shot isn’t going to help the situation.

 

Slade continues, “No hard feelings, okay?  Just come by tomorrow, and I’ll see if I can get you in to see him, or to see one of my other guys.”

 

Sebastian nods mutely, because he doesn’t trust himself to open his mouth right now.  He is in control, but barely.

 

“Oh,” Slade says, “and you owe me two hundred for the second hour.”

 

Sebastian reaches into his pocket, grabs a handful of bills and holds it out to Slade without looking at it or him.  His eyes are still focused on Murphy.  Slade counts out the money and hands some back to Sebastian.

 

Slade heads out of the room, pausing in the doorway behind Murphy.  He turns back to Sebastian.  “Take a minute and get yourself together, then come see me if you need some more product before you leave.”

 

Then Slade is gone, and Murphy is backing out the door and disappearing into the hallway as well.  Sebastian lets his shoulders sag.  Once again, he feels like he has had a brush with some critical information, but it’s just not enough.  Even worse, he’s also let Stefano down.

 

He turns around, taking in Stefano’s sad, empty room one last time and wishing there was something here that could help him.  On impulse, he takes the edge of the mattress and lifts it up.  There is a small bound book, like a journal of some kind, on the floor underneath the mattress, and Sebastian picks it up and slips it into his pocket.  He feels a little guilty for invading Stefano’s privacy even more than he already has, but he’s too worried to let that affect his actions.

 

He descends the stairs, gives Murphy a nod at the door, and heads out into the rain.  By the time he makes it back to the jeep, he is soaked to the skin, but he feels nothing.

 

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “God fucking damn it, Jimenez,” Riker snarls, and there is another crash. “Just fix him! I don’t care how much it costs!”
> 
> Quieter, more measured footsteps approach the door, just passing through it before Jimenez speaks. “The human body is not a machine that can be repaired time and time again with the application of sufficient funds. I have ‘fixed’ him, as you so crudely put it, a number of times before, but this time I fear he may be damaged beyond even my abilities. You need to be more careful with your things.”

 

 

Sebastian doesn’t even try to sleep.  He could either toss and turn in bed thinking about all of the pieces of this case, about where Stefano is now and what is happening to him, or he can stay up and try to arrange his thoughts into something that might actually be helpful.  Deciding on the latter, he spreads out his notes and documents and laptop on the table in his motel room and gets to work as the lightning flashes and the rain pours down outside.

 

He starts with the new pieces of information he has gained, and Dr. Jimenez is a major piece.  A simple internet search reveals that he is the director of Beacon Mental Hospital, a private psychiatric facility in the heart of Krimson City.  Sebastian has never been there, but he has certainly seen the building, which stands out from the rest of the city based on its old-fashioned, almost gothic, architecture.

 

Beacon is nagging at Sebastian though, and he is sure that he knows the name for some other reason.  It comes to him suddenly.  Myra was seeing a psychiatrist at Beacon after the fire.  Sebastian remembers her making the appointment for grief counseling, begging Sebastian to go with her, but he was too lost in his own pain, and he didn’t believe that anyone else could help him find his way out of it, so Myra went by herself.  Maybe that’s why she has moved on and Sebastian is still lost in his own pain.  But Myra hasn’t moved on.  Myra is missing, and Myra has a connection to Beacon, and now Sebastian is wondering if Dr. Jimenez might even be the psychiatrist Myra was seeing.

 

It’s also a little weird that Jimenez, who apparently has a degree in psychiatry, is assisting Slade with procedures that are decidedly non-psychiatric, but Sebastian assumes that there aren’t many doctors who would support Slade’s operation, and perhaps Jimenez is the only one crooked enough to volunteer his services.  It does answer some more questions though, such as why Slade seems to have access to the Reversol, which Sebastian is fairly certain is a controlled drug.

 

A stable connection to a medical professional would also open up some options for Slade in the composition of his recreational drugs, and even though it appears that the drugs aren’t being manufactured at Slade’s house, Sebastian wonders whether Jimenez is providing Slade with some of the medications needed to create his unique mixture.  That leads him to a piece of information that is still missing- the chemical composition of the mystery drug.

 

Sebastian checks his watch- one o’clock on Monday morning.  Joseph should be dropping the drug off for analysis in about seven hours with a rush placed on it to make sure that it’s done first, but Sebastian still probably won’t be able to get any answers until closer to lunchtime.  It’s going to be important to find out what the lab discovers though, especially in light of what Sebastian is now beginning to suspect.

 

Jimenez’s voice was familiar to him, and Sebastian is sure that he was present and speaking at some point during both of his drug trips at Slade’s house, but what the hell was he doing there?  Does Slade keep him on-call in case people overdose?  Or is Jimenez interested in Slade’s clients for another reason?  And where do all of those clients end up?

 

Zora’s observation about Slade’s clients disappearing in large numbers is causing Sebastian to question the purpose of Slade’s drug business.  Generally speaking, drug enterprises are undertaken for money, often to fund gang activity, and rely on the addictive nature of the product to keep customers coming back and bringing in more money.

 

The fact that Slade’s customers are disappearing with a regularity that is noticeable even to people outside the house undercuts this business model entirely.  If Slade’s customers are disappearing, then they aren’t coming back to buy more drugs or more time with the escorts, which means that whatever is actually happening to them somehow benefits Slade even more.  The whole thing smacks of human trafficking, which would be well within the skill set of someone like Riker, except that these aren’t the sort of people who would normally be selected to be trafficked.

 

Sebastian casts around in his mind for any other cases like this, but comes up with mostly books and movies about underground murder rings.  It seems unlikely that Slade is selling his clients to be murdered, because the number of missing people is awfully large and also Sebastian would expect for more bodies to have been found if that was the case.  Instead, they have mostly missing people and unanswered questions.

 

Sebastian is afraid that he is dangerously close to becoming one of those missing people and that if he makes another trip to Slade’s house, it might be his last.  Stefano did give him a stern warning before Jimenez took him away, and Sebastian would like to think that it was at least partly out of concern for his welfare.  He reminds himself though that Stefano is an actor, that he makes his living by playing different roles for different people, and that it is entirely possible that Stefano has been stringing him along this whole time for some other purpose.

 

As he longs for some sort of insight into Stefano’s motivations, he remembers the book he found under Stefano’s mattress.  He pulls it out of his pocket, looking first at the cover, which is a nondescript leather binding- no initials, no marks of any kind.  He opens the book, surprised to find that it is filled, not with words, but with drawings, incredibly detailed pencil sketches, much like the ones Stefano did for him at the police station last week.

 

He flips through the pages, noticing that some of the drawings are portraits of people and that one woman in particular has been reproduced a number of times in different poses.  Her face is vaguely familiar to Sebastian, though he doesn’t recall exactly where he would have seen her before.  She’s not one of the dead or missing prostitutes, but he has definitely seen her or her picture somewhere.

 

He flips farther, past more drawings, until he reaches one that makes him stop and smile a little, because it is a very good likeness of him.  He flips a few more pages and nearly drops the book, because the portrait he is looking at now is undoubtedly Myra.  It couldn’t be anyone else, especially as detailed as Stefano’s drawings are, and Sebastian feels a surge of adrenaline as he looks at it.

 

It doesn’t mean anything, he tells himself.  Stefano could have seen her anywhere, could have found her picture in the paper, could have even found their wedding announcement, but the shock that Sebastian feels makes it seem like this drawing was placed here just for him.  That feeling is only confirmed when he manages to turn the page over and see that there is a single word written on the back.  _Beacon._

 

It is just one more clue pointing to the hospital, and Sebastian is pretty damn sure what his next move has to be, but it’s still only three o’clock in the morning, so he busies himself going over everything he has collected to see if any of it takes on new meaning in light of recent developments.

 

He almost opts not to flip through his missing persons photos again, but decides that he might as well, since he needs to kill some time.  He stops about three pictures in with his mouth practically hanging open, because there is the girl from Stefano’s sketchbook.  He remembers the case now- Emily Lewis, the aspiring model found decapitated in Krimson City Park almost three years ago.  It’s still unsolved, and it might be the oldest missing persons case that Sebastian researched in his current investigation.

 

What’s more, Sebastian is hit with another memory, of going through these pictures with Stefano and the reaction he displayed to this one, because Sebastian is almost certain it was this one.  Stefano was alarmed to see her face, although he covered it quickly, and Sebastian’s mind is already spinning a way that Emily Lewis could be involved in this case.

 

She wasn’t known as a prostitute, but it doesn’t seem too farfetched that she could have been selling her body if her modeling career wasn’t taking off, so maybe that is how she met Stefano.  Nothing else about her murder matches up with the rest of the cases though.  Her manner of death is so distinctive that any similar murders would have been linked up to this one and attributed to a serial killer, and no matter how Sebastian squints at the limited information he has about her, there doesn’t seem to be a drug or prostitution connection as there is with most of the others.

 

Admitting defeat for the moment, he switches over to the files from Slade’s computer again.  They are still mostly meaningless columns of numbers, but he notices something he missed before about the date Slade lists for termination of employment of his escorts.  For Kate Mellor, Doreen Page, and Sandra Paxton, the termination of employment date precedes the date that their bodies were discovered.  This tells Sebastian that whoever Slade turned them over to, he didn’t expect to get them back.

 

Sebastian wonders if Slade is up in his office right now, adding a termination of employment date to Stefano’s line, and his stomach gives an unpleasant lurch.  He has no faith in Jimenez and is unsure what role he might be playing in Slade’s larger scheme, but all of it is increasing the worry he feels for Stefano until his chest is so tight he can hardly breathe.

 

Beacon is obviously his next move, and as soon as he learns the results of the drug analysis, that’s where he’s going to go, but of course it’s only four in the morning, and Sebastian is filled with restless energy.  He paces the room, passing a perfectly good half-full bottle of whiskey without a second glance, before deciding that he can’t do anything else at the moment and might as well try to get a few hours of sleep. 

 

He showers, lies down, and stares at the ceiling for a while, trying to clear his mind, but failing utterly.  When he finally does drift off to sleep, his dreams are of Stefano’s small room at Slade’s house and the storm raging outside.

 

 

 

 

Sebastian’s phone wakes him up at eight o’clock with a text message from Joseph.  It’s the lab number from the drug sample, and it puts him on edge to even think about getting those results back.

 

Of course he can’t go back to sleep after that, so he gets some breakfast at the diner down the street, smokes a couple of cigarettes and mulls over all of the information over and over again in his mind until it is a meaningless soup of names and dates and phrases and ideas.

 

At eleven o’clock, he can’t take it anymore, so he picks up his cell phone and dials the number for the state lab.  The receptionist takes his lab number and transfers him to Allison Vance, the analyst assigned to the sample.  Luckily Sebastian knows her pretty well, so maybe she won’t be so annoyed with him for calling to bother her about a sample she just got this morning.

 

Vance picks up the phone on the first ring, and Sebastian launches into his explanation.

 

“Hi Vance,” he begins.  “I’m so sorry to bother you about this, but Detective Oda dropped off a sample to be analyzed this morning for one of my cases-”

 

“I know the one you mean,” Vance interjects before taking a long pause.  When she speaks again, her voice is cautious, measured.  “Where did you get this Detective Castellanos?”

 

“From a selling party at a known drug house,” Sebastian answers promptly.  It’s not a lie.

 

“Okay…well, it’s just a really strange cocktail,” she says.  “I’ve been working on it all morning.  It took me all three levels of analysis to catch everything.”  Her voice is getting stronger and more confident, and Sebastian can tell that any reservations she may have are being overcome by her genuine curiosity about this drug.  “You were right about the cocaine.  It’s a cocaine base, but that’s just the beginning.”

 

“What else did you find?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Methylenedioxymethamphetamine was also a substantial component,” Vance says.  Sebastian isn’t surprised by this either.  MDMA, more commonly known as ecstasy, is a party drug that the KCPD Vice Squad encounters from time to time.  It’s not as common as cocaine or true methamphetamine or some of the opioids, but it’s definitely out there.  What’s more, it explains some of the effects of the drug.  Ecstasy is aptly named, because contentment, arousal, desire to touch and be touched are some of its hallmarks.

 

“Okay,” Sebastian says.  “That’s not too surprising in a party house.”

 

“Then it gets a little weirder, because the next component is basically Valium,” Vance continues.

 

“Isn’t that kind of a downer?” Sebastian asks, because it seems out of place in a mixture that also includes cocaine and ecstasy.

 

“It’s not a downer really,” Vance explains.  “It’s used more often to treat anxiety or sometimes to counteract the undesirable side effects of other drugs, which brings me to our next component…”  She pauses, apparently for dramatic effect, and Sebastian waits.

 

“When was the last time you busted someone for Ketamine?” Vance asks, sounding pleased with herself.

 

“I’m not sure I’ve ever busted someone for Ketamine,” Sebastian answers.  He’s heard of the drug of course, but it rarely makes an appearance in Krimson City.  “What exactly does that one do?”

 

“It’s a muscle relaxant, sometimes used as a pre-anesthetic, though its applications in human patients are pretty limited.  It’s much more commonly used in veterinary medicine, which is how most users access it.”

 

“And why would anyone take it recreationally?” Sebastian presses.

 

“For the relaxing properties and because it’s dissociative,” Vance replies.  “It was actually a popular party drug a few decades ago, though it can produce some very vivid nightmares, the effects of which are mitigated by a benzodiazepine such as…”

 

Sebastian is wondering if maybe he should have been paying more attention in high school chemistry or gone to some wilder college parties, because he has absolutely no idea what Vance is getting at.

 

“The Valium,” Vance says, effectively finishing her own sentence.  “If Ketamine is being used in a medical setting, it’s almost always paired with Valium or something like it.”

 

Sebastian is still trying to process Vance’s earlier statement, so he cuts in.  “You said the Ketamine is a muscle relaxant, right?  Would it make someone completely unable to move?”

 

“Possibly,” Vance concedes, “though that could also be explained by the final component I found, which is the really weird one.”

 

“And that is…?” Sebastian prompts, because it’s clear that Vance is enjoying having an audience.

 

“Tubocurarine,” Vance says.  “I won’t even ask you if you know what that one does, because of course you don’t.  It’s in the curare family, which are powerful muscle relaxants- paralytic drugs, basically.”

 

“And that’s not something you see very often?” Sebastian asks, because he’s still pretty lost.

 

“I’ve never seen it come into this lab before,” Vance replies.  “It has no recreational uses, and almost no utility in human medicine either, since it would have to be paired with an anesthetic agent.  It’s a drug you’d almost never see outside a vivisection laboratory actually.”

 

Sebastian turns all of this over in his brain and still comes up with nothing.  “So what do you think about the whole mixture?” he asks finally.  “Why is this drug in a party house?”

 

“Well, my job is really just to analyze the contents,” Vance says, clearly struggling with her own interest in the drug cocktail, “but off the record, I’m sure that this produces some kind of high, which I guess is what would cause someone to take it themselves.  It’s a mixture of very different agents though, so it’s very difficult to guess what the overall effect would be.”

 

“Okay…” Sebastian says.

 

“Now, if we imagine that the intended purpose of the drug is not to get high, but to get someone else high, then it starts to make a little more sense.”  Sebastian perks up at this, because this sounds more like what is happening at Slade’s house.  Vance continues, “Ecstasy and Ketamine is actually a known mixture that we used to see from time to time.  It’s called a ‘sitting duck’ ecstasy tablet, basically a date rape drug that was used to prey on ecstasy users, so I would imagine that at least part of the purpose of this mixture is to impair the user, though for what, I don’t know.”

 

Sebastian doesn’t know either, though this is all making a lot of sense.  “And how do the other components fit into this theory?”

 

“Well, the Valium offsets some of the crazier hallucinations and nightmares that people tend to have when they’re on Ketamine, so it might be added just to keep the user calm, though I don’t think that’s the sort of thing a street level drug dealer would figure out.  That’s something that might require at least a little medical knowledge.  Actually a number of these drugs would only be accessible through some sort of connection in human or veterinary medicine.”

 

Sebastian knows this wouldn’t be a problem for Slade, since Jimenez is apparently under his thumb.  “And that Tubo-whatever drug?” he asks.

 

“Tubocurarine,” Vance says.  “That one’s the wild card, and I’m not sure I can explain it.  It’s a heavy paralytic, and you’d have to be extremely careful with the dosing.  Honestly, if you take out the cocaine and ecstasy, this analysis isn’t that different from what I’d expect in the blood work of a patient about to be anesthetized for some kind of surgery, though of course without the cocaine and ecstasy, no one would ever want to take it again.”

 

And suddenly, a major puzzle piece is falling into place for Sebastian.  The whole point of Slade’s operation isn’t cocaine or ecstasy, it’s these other drugs.  It’s getting these other drugs into people to prepare them for…something.  He’s still not sure what, but he is sure that the purpose of the cocaine and ecstasy is to make the drug trip pleasant enough that Slade’s clients would come back for more.  And of course, cocaine is highly addictive, so he is basically guaranteed repeat customers.  Sebastian is also more sure than ever that Jimenez is a critical part of Slade’s team, because so much of this seems to be related to medicine that he has to be a key player.

 

“Thanks so much Vance,” Sebastian says.  “I really appreciate you doing this on such short notice.”

 

“No problem,” Vance replies.  “Oh, hold on a minute…” her voice trails off for a few seconds.  “I just got an email from the director telling me to pull this certificate of analysis, so I’m not sure when it’s going to be released.  Is that going to be a problem?”

 

“Not at all,” says Sebastian, who has all of the information he needs, and is growing used to KCPD thwarting him at every turn.  At this point it is starting to seem like someone inside the organization is actively working to keep Slade off KCPD’s radar, but that doesn’t matter right now, because Sebastian isn’t KCPD, and Sebastian isn’t going to rest until he figures out what the hell is going on here and what has happened to Stefano.

 

He thanks Vance again and says goodbye, hanging up the phone and immediately heading for the jeep.  He is taking heed of one piece of advice Stefano gave him.  He isn’t going back to Slade’s.  He’s going straight to Beacon, and nothing is going to stop him.

 

 

 

 

It only takes twenty minutes for Sebastian to reach Beacon Mental Hospital, though he may have been a little creative in his driving.  Fortunately, the tall iron gates are standing open, and he drives right up to the entrance with no difficulty.  What is less fortunate for Sebastian is the black SUV that is also parked in front of the entrance.  Sebastian can’t be sure, but it looks like Riker’s vehicle, and if there is one person he has no desire to see today, it is Riker.  That said, if Riker is here, Stefano probably needs Sebastian’s help now more than ever.

 

He gets out of the jeep, adjusting his T-shirt to make sure that the revolver concealed in his waistband holster is adequately covered, because he’s not going to Slade’s house this time, and he’s going to make damn sure he’s prepared to take on whatever is waiting for him here.

 

In the best case scenario, he’ll get inside, find something that explains Slade’s whole operation, find Stefano, and get both of them out of there in one piece, but that sounds ridiculously optimistic even to him.  He has already decided that Stefano is his priority, so if he has to sacrifice the investigation in order to ensure his safety, so be it.

 

He climbs the steps and pushes open the large wooden door, which leads into a sprawling lobby area.  Sebastian can tell that something weird is going on the instant he steps over the threshold.  This place is much too quiet.  Sebastian hasn’t been to many mental hospitals, but the ones he has seen have always been fairly active, with patients and staff and visitors roaming around, and the impression that things are going on.

 

This place feels stagnant though.  It almost smells like a musty, abandoned building, and the only person Sebastian sees is a receptionist behind the desk, who looks up at him in surprise.  Clearly they don’t get many visitors.

 

The receptionist smiles as Sebastian crosses the lobby with long, purposeful strides.  “How can I help you today, sir?” she asks, looking Sebastian up and down.

 

“I’m here to see Stefano Valentini,” Sebastian says, hoping it will be that simple.  It isn’t.

 

“I’m sorry,” she replies immediately, without looking at the computer monitor or anywhere else.  “We don’t have a Stefano Valentini admitted as a patient.  Maybe you’re looking for the state hospital on Broad Street?”

 

“No,” Sebastian replies.  “I’m definitely looking for this hospital.  What about Dr. Jimenez?  Is he in?”

 

“He’s in today, but he’s seeing patients until lunch,” the receptionist replies a little too cheerfully.  “I might be able to pencil you into his schedule this afternoon.”

 

“Look,” Sebastian sighs, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his KCPD badge.  He didn’t want to do this, because it will create a whole new set of problems for him at work, but he needs to get in here and he needs to get in now.  “I’m with KCPD, and I need to talk to Dr. Jimenez-”

 

“Oh, why didn’t you say so?” the receptionist says with a look of relief.  “Your partner’s already here.”

 

“Partner?” Sebastian says, thinking reflexively of Joseph.

 

“Yes, he arrived about an hour ago to see Dr. Jimenez.”  She points to a door to the left of the reception desk.  “Go right ahead.  I’m sure you know your way by now.”

 

“Thanks,” Sebastian says, leaving abruptly before she can change her mind, since it seems that a misunderstanding is the only thing that has allowed him to get as far as he has.  He ducks through the door she pointed to, which leads to a security room full of TV monitors.  He is unpleasantly reminded of Slade’s surveillance system, but his quick scan of the monitors doesn’t show anyone moving around- or anyone at all, for that matter.  He continues into the next room, which is more of a storage area, where he pauses to collect himself.

 

Who is the partner this lady is talking about?  Is Riker presenting himself as a police detective?  It seems unlikely, but Sebastian supposes that anything is possible.  Now that he’s in, his focus shifts to finding Stefano, hopefully before he encounters anyone else who knows that he’s not supposed to be here.

 

Sebastian exits the storage room into a long hallway.  One side of the wall is all windows that look out into a courtyard full of grass and flowers and benches.  It might look nice except that everything is so overgrown, as though nature is trying to reclaim this place for itself.  With how much people must pay to send their loved ones here, Sebastian is a little surprised that they aren’t using some of that money to hire a landscaper.

 

He glances over to the other side of the hall, which is lined with doors, each with a small window set into it.  Sebastian approaches cautiously, wary of disturbing someone on the other side, but when he peers through the window, he sees only a small, sparsely furnished room that doesn’t look as though it’s been inhabited for a long time.  He checks a few more as he walks down the hall, but each one seems to be in a similar condition.

 

The further Sebastian goes, the more apparent the silence becomes.  It is not simply the absence of sound.  It is a thick, oppressive blanket that seems to muffle even Sebastian’s footsteps.  This doesn’t feel like a functioning institution, but more like an empty shell of a building that is slowly wasting away with nothing to sustain it.

 

Sebastian presses on, wishing that he had some sort of map, but he can only imagine that any treatment areas and doctors’ offices are going to be toward the back of the building, which is vast.  There are at least twenty rooms on this hallway alone.  When it was up and running, this place must have housed hundreds of patients, and Sebastian wonders what happened to all of them.

 

When he reaches the end of the hallway, he opens the next door into another waiting area, though this one is smaller and more comfortably furnished.  Sebastian immediately keys in to the sound of voices coming from behind a closed door at the far end of this room.  He can’t make out what is being said, but the voices are raised as though an argument is taking place.

 

Sebastian creeps closer, almost pressing his ear to the door, but as soon as he does he hears a loud crash, like a piece of furniture being overturned, followed by fast, heavy footsteps approaching the door.  Jimenez is speaking now, but Sebastian has much bigger problems.  He quickly looks around for some sort of cover, but finds none, and just barely manages to tuck himself into the corner behind the door before it flies open.

 

The door hits the wall next to Sebastian, and would bounce off except that Sebastian catches the knob and holds the door against the wall so that he is effectively hidden from view.

 

“God fucking damn it, Jimenez,” Riker snarls, and there is another crash.  “Just fix him!  I don’t care how much it costs!”

 

Quieter, more measured footsteps approach the door, just passing through it before Jimenez speaks.  “The human body is not a machine that can be repaired time and time again with the application of sufficient funds.  I have ‘fixed’ him, as you so crudely put it, a number of times before, but this time I fear he may be damaged beyond even my abilities.  You need to be more careful with your things.”

 

There is a pause, during which Sebastian is sure that Jimenez is about to be murdered.

 

“What did you say?”  Riker’s voice is low and dangerous.

 

A third set of footsteps approaches the door, and a third voice speaks.  This one is vaguely familiar to Sebastian, though it doesn’t sound like one he’s heard recently.  “Take it easy, Riker.”

 

“Don’t you tell me to take it easy, you fucking pig!” shouts Riker, his heavy footsteps coming back toward the door.

 

“Hey, I don’t like this arrangement any more than you do, but we’ve got to get back to the house, and you know Slade’s not going to let you touch Jimenez,” the new voice replies with a sort of forced calm.

 

There is another pause, this one strained to the breaking point, before Jimenez speaks.

 

“I will do what I can,” he says.

 

“You damn well better,” growls Riker, and then two sets of footsteps are retreating across the room, heading back the way Sebastian came.  Luckily, by the time Jimenez pulls his office door closed, leaving Sebastian fully visible, Riker and his companion have disappeared through a door at the other end of the room.

 

Sebastian heaves a sigh, but his relief is short-lived.  If Riker is going back to his vehicle, he is going to see that Sebastian is also here.  Sebastian curses his carelessness, how eager he was to see Stefano that he did something so stupid as to park right out in plain sight, but there’s nothing he can do about it now.  Best to find Stefano as quickly as possible, hopefully before Riker figures out that Sebastian is here.

 

He ducks into the next corridor, looking both ways, but still seeing no staff members.  At least this part of the hospital looks a little more modern.  As he works his way down the hall, glancing into the rooms on both sides as he passes, the conversation between Riker and Jimenez plays over and over in his head, and he feels a little sick.  The fact that Jimenez referred to Stefano as one of Riker’s possessions is almost as bad as the fact that Riker is the whole reason Stefano is here in the first place.

 

Riker only wants Stefano fixed up so that he can break him again and be there for every embarrassing, invasive procedure that Stefano has to endure in his recovery.  Sebastian’s heart is aching for Stefano all over again, but he can’t dwell on that right now, because he still has a lot of this hospital left to search and very little time.

 

He has just reached the end of the hall and peered through the last door when he stops short.  The room is dimly lit and furnished more like a modern hospital room than anything Sebastian has seen yet.  Stefano is lying on his side in a hospital bed with several blankets wrapped around him.  His back is to the door, and he doesn’t seem to know Sebastian is there.

 

Sebastian wants to watch him for a few minutes, wants to enjoy seeing him in this moment where he is at least somewhat peaceful and not being used for someone else’s entertainment, but they simply don’t have time for that.

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian says, stepping through the doorway.  Stefano startles, eye wide and fearful as he looks over his shoulder at Sebastian.  Sebastian freezes, and that fear quickly gives way to confusion.

 

“Sebastian?” Stefano says, frowning at him as he carefully turns over to face Sebastian.  His voice is so weak that Sebastian can barely hear him.  “I told you not to come.”

 

“I know you did,” Sebastian says, approaching slowly because Stefano still looks a little on edge.  “But I’m not a very good listener.”  He reaches Stefano’s bedside.  “How are you feeling?”

 

“Better,” Stefano says, scooting back a little and patting the edge of the bed.  Sebastian sits down.  “I suspect it is largely due to more powerful drugs though.”

 

Sebastian nods, reaching for Stefano’s hand instinctively.  Stefano smiles as Sebastian’s hand covers his.  He does seem more relaxed, and of course Jimenez has access to all manner of drugs, though he can’t be sure that all of them are being used for Stefano’s benefit.  Jimenez seems to have his own reasons and motivations after all, which brings Sebastian to another point…

 

“Look, Stefano, about what happened back at Slade’s-” he begins, but Stefano interrupts.

 

“Don’t.” he says firmly as he pulls his hand out of Sebastian’s grasp and curls in on himself even farther.  “That is not worth discussing.  You should not have been there for that, and you should not be here now.”

 

Sebastian cautiously moves his hand to Stefano’s back, waiting to see his reaction.  “We don’t have to talk about it,” he says, “but I am sorry if I made things worse.”

 

Stefano sighs, “It is hard to say.  My memory of that event is not fully intact.  I do remember you sitting with me, which was very nice.  The rest is perhaps best forgotten.”

 

Sebastian nods, wishing he could forget it as well, but that doesn’t seem likely to happen any time soon.

 

“We need to get you out of here,” Sebastian says.  “Can you walk?”

 

“No,” Stefano replies, “and I do not think I can leave either.”  He gestures to the tubes that disappear under his blankets, clearly connected to his body.  “The pain is unbearable without the drugs.”

 

“You just need to hold out long enough to get to a real hospital with real doctors,” Sebastian says, leaning over to examine the machine next to Stefano’s bed to see if there is a way to disconnect it.

 

“No, Sebastian,” Stefano says with a sigh, as though he is explaining this for the fifth time.  “It is not allowed.  Slade and Riker would be furious.”

 

“Did you know Riker was here?” Sebastian asks, changing topics abruptly as he is reminded of what he witnessed outside Jimenez’s office.

 

Stefano glares at him.  “Of course I did.  Riker never misses a chance to exert his influence over me.”

 

Sebastian has a lot more questions about that influence, but more pressing is getting Stefano out of here, and he is willing to do it against Stefano’s will if he has to.  “Stefano, I’m sorry, and I know you’re going to hate me for this, but I’m getting you out of here.”

 

He reaches for the machine, ready to start unplugging things however he needs to in order to separate Stefano from all of this equipment, but Stefano’s hand closes around his wrist with a surprisingly firm grip.

 

“Have I not made myself clear?” Stefano asks.  His voice is weak, but it holds a note of defiance.  “I cannot defy Slade.  He will destroy me.”

 

“You say that like he hasn’t destroyed you already!” Sebastian snaps.  “Like he and Riker haven’t already taken everything from you!  I’m through with you trying to rationalize away all of this!”

 

“I made a choice, Sebastian,” Stefano says, fixing him with a hard stare.  “It may not have been much of a choice, but I made it, and now I live or die by that decision.”

 

“But what was it Stefano?” Sebastian asks, urgency causing his voice to rise almost to a shout.  “Help me understand!  What could possibly be worth this?”

 

Stefano opens his mouth, but freezes, a look of despair crossing his face.  “You shouldn’t have come,” he whispers.

 

Too late, Sebastian hears the quiet footfall behind him, feels the prick of a needle in the side of his neck, and finds himself slumping to the floor.

 

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before Jimenez can answer, Sebastian becomes aware of another noise. It starts as a low rumble of static, like the output of a poorly tuned radio, but starts to build, the pitch rising until it is a screeching, whirring sound that feels like a saw running through the center of Sebastian’s brain.

 

 

Sebastian is expecting unconsciousness, is prepared to fight to keep control of his faculties, but it doesn’t come.  The world around him is still there but indistinct, as though he is inside a bubble.  His vision is blurry, every sound bounces around meaninglessly inside his head, and he can’t move a muscle.  On second thought, he might prefer being unconscious.

 

“Holy shit,” comes Riker’s voice from somewhere far away.  “What a fucking idiot.”

 

“I didn’t expect him to come to us.”  The other voice is closer to Sebastian, and there are hands on his body, turning him over onto his back so that he can look this man in the face.  It’s a face he knows.

 

He tries to get his mouth to form words, but all that comes out is a sort of moan.  Bruce Jackson, KCPD homicide detective, looks down at him, face lined with tension and dark eyes fixed on Sebastian.

 

“Sorry Castellanos,” Jackson says.  “You just wouldn’t stay out of this.”

 

“Well, look on the bright side,” says Riker, leaning into Sebastian’s field of vision.  “Now he’s going to get a front row seat.”

 

“I guess so,” Jackson says.  He still doesn’t look thrilled about the situation, but Riker looks pleased enough for both of them.  Jackson moves aside, and Riker bends down and lifts Sebastian, effortlessly tossing him over his shoulder the way Sebastian saw him do with one of the escorts at Slade’s.

 

“Please.”  A weak, strained voice- Stefano’s.  “Please don’t take him.”

 

Riker laughs.  “You stay out of this,” he tells Stefano.  “You may be worthless to him, but I’ve got plenty of uses for you.”

 

Sebastian can only see the floor and the backs of Riker’s legs as Riker carries him down the hall.  They pass through at least one door, and Sebastian is pretty sure they are riding in an elevator at some point, but it’s hard to keep track of what’s going on when all of the blood is rushing to his head.  After a few minutes, he hears Jimenez’s voice and finds himself in a blindingly white room.

 

“Just set him down,” Jimenez says.  “We’re almost ready.”

 

Sebastian is deposited none too carefully on the tile floor as Riker asks, “Where’s the rest of this group?”

 

“Downstairs in the holding rooms,” Jimenez replies.  “I wasn’t planning on running a trial until later, but I think it’s best to start now.  This one could be trouble if he starts to come out of the sedative.”

 

“You need us to bring up the other ones?” Riker asks.

 

Before Jimenez can answer, Sebastian becomes aware of another noise.  It starts as a low rumble of static, like the output of a poorly tuned radio, but starts to build, the pitch rising until it is a screeching, whirring sound that feels like a saw running through the center of Sebastian’s brain.

 

“What the fuck?” someone yells, but the voice gets lost in the noise.  Sebastian wants to cover his ears, to curl in on himself to shut out the horrible sound, but he is still completely paralyzed.

 

This time when his consciousness begins to ebb away, he doesn’t fight it.

 

 

 

 

Sebastian opens his eyes to find himself on a tile floor in a white room.  He is lying on his back, and he is alone.  He experimentally moves a hand, then an arm, and then he is scrambling to his feet, because he can actually move again and there was something very important he was supposed to do.

 

He takes a deep breath and casts his mind back to the last thing he remembers.  Beacon…he came to Beacon Mental Hospital to find Stefano, and he found Stefano, but he also found Riker and Bruce Jackson who is apparently working for Slade, and then he was drugged and taken somewhere.

 

He looks around the room, but it is empty, just white tile on the floor and white tile on the walls and bright lights overhead.  He thought that Riker and Jackson and Jimenez were in here with him, but now they are nowhere to be found.  Maybe this is some sort of holding area?  They did talk about him being part of a group of some kind.

 

Sebastian focuses in on the single door, a heavy, white metal slab set into the wall ahead of him.  Surely it is locked.  Now that Riker and the others are being open about their malicious intentions for Sebastian, they have no reason to give him any special treatment.  He walks over to the door, muscles feeling a little stiff, turns the knob, and pulls.  The door swings open.

 

Sebastian is so shocked that he almost shuts it again, but stops himself, afraid that it might actually lock if it closes this time.  The hallway beyond is dark and filled with boxes, as if someone was moving in to this part of the hospital and hasn’t unpacked yet.  He can hear a strange, shuffling, scratching sort of noise, though it seems to be coming from a long way away.

 

His hand goes to his waist, where he is surprised to find his revolver still in its holster.  He can’t believe that Riker would allow him to remain armed, but he also can’t believe that Riker wouldn’t think to check for a weapon.  Regardless of the reason, he is glad to have it, and he feels a little more hopeful as he steps out into the hallway.

 

The darkness is thick, and even though this is an interior hallway untouched by natural light, Sebastian has the strong impression that it is also dark outside.  He wonders how long he’s been passed out, and more importantly, what might have happened to Stefano in that time frame.  His memories of being brought here are so unclear that he has no idea how to get back to where Stefano was.  He starts down the hall in the opposite direction of the scratching and shuffling noises, mainly because he is fairly certain that anyone he could meet here is only going to present an obstacle to reuniting with Stefano.

 

The hallway is long and dark and cluttered, and after tripping over a few boxes and pieces of furniture, Sebastian is relieved to see a light ahead.  He stumbles toward it, realizing as he gets closer that it is an old-fashioned gas lantern.  It makes no sense, but it fits the aesthetic of Beacon, he supposes.

 

His first instinct is to take it with him, and after a brief internal struggle, he decides that being able to see is worth possibly being more visible to his enemies.  He picks up the lantern and continues down the hall, which is becoming more inexplicable with every passing moment.  Sometimes it seems to slant uphill or downhill, there are sudden, unexpected turns, and Sebastian is fairly sure that he’s gone in a complete circle at one point, but there is only ever one path, and the only thing Sebastian can do is follow it.

 

After what seems like a half-hour of nonsensical walking, he reaches the end of the hall, and an elevator that looks like it’s about a century old.  It still has power though, as evidenced by the glowing button outside it.  Sebastian presses the button, and the metal door slides back.

 

He steps inside and presses the button for the first floor.  The elevator creaks and groans and slowly descends, so slowly that Sebastian feels like he is travelling down a skyscraper, which is impossible, because the highest point at Beacon is five or six stories up at most.

 

When it finally grinds to a halt and the door slides open, Sebastian gets out, finding himself in the hallway outside Jimenez’s office.  This gives him hope, because Stefano’s room should be at the far end of this hallway.  His steps get faster and faster as he approaches the room until he is practically running, but he stops in his tracks when he reaches the door.

 

The door is closed, but there is a pale blue light coming from under it.  Sebastian pauses for a moment and listens, because he isn’t sure if Riker or someone else might be in there with Stefano, but he hears nothing, and he pushes the door open.

 

The first thing that hits Sebastian is a rush of relief, because Stefano is there, and he doesn’t seem to be in any worse condition.  In fact, he looks somewhat better, but everything else about the room is wrong.  Even some things about Stefano are wrong.

 

Stefano is sitting up in bed, though leaning back against the elevated portion of the mattress, and he now appears to be fully dressed in his usual style of dress shirt, blazer, and slacks.  He is even wearing shoes.  His eye is closed, but his chest is rising and falling steadily, and there is more color to his face than Sebastian has seen in the past few days.  He is also no longer hooked up to the machines, though they are still present and seem to be producing the blue glow that bathes the entire room.

 

Sebastian sets his lantern on a table, closes the door behind him, and approaches the bed.  “Stefano?” he says quietly, still aware of the possibility that someone else might be nearby.  Stefano doesn’t stir.  “Stefano, are you alright?”  Sebastian tries again, but there is still no reaction from Stefano.

 

Sebastian reaches out to grasp Stefano’s shoulder, but as soon as his fingers make contact, Stefano’s eye flies open.

 

“Sebastian?” he says, squinting in the strange blue light.

 

Sebastian sits down on the bed facing Stefano.  What he wants to do is to wrap his arms around him and not let go, but even though Stefano looks better, he isn’t sure that will be well received.  He does leave his hand on Stefano’s shoulder though.

 

“Are you feeling better?” Sebastian asks.  “When did you get dressed?”

 

“I could ask you the same question,” Stefano replies, nodding at Sebastian’s body.

 

Sebastian glances down, then freezes, stares hard, because he is not wearing the clothes he had on when he came to Beacon.  He is dressed as he was in his homicide detective days, in a vest and shirt and dress pants over his regular boots, and his mind fumbles with how this could have happened.  He was unconscious for an unknown period of time, so someone certainly could have re-dressed him, but why in this?  And where would they even have gotten this?  These actually look like his own clothes, but clothes he hasn’t worn in years.

 

“What the fuck is going on?” Sebastian says, out loud but mostly to himself.  “I don’t understand.”

 

There is a vibration in his head, a buzz of static that rises in pitch and volume until it is nearly ear-splitting.  Sebastian presses his hands to the sides of his head, feels like he might vomit, but then the buzzing stops.  Sebastian raises his head to see that Stefano’s hand is on his knee.

 

“Sebastian?” Stefano’s brow is creased in worry.  “What is the matter?”

 

“I…I don’t know,” Sebastian replies.  He feels somehow off, not in an obvious way, but just enough that he isn’t quite himself.  He wonders briefly if this is another Slade-induced drug trip, but that doesn’t seem likely.  He can move and his thoughts are coherent, but something tugs at the back of his mind all the same.  “Do you know where Riker and the others are?”

 

“No,” Stefano says, sounding much calmer than Sebastian feels.  “I have not seen them since…since the last time you were here.  Sebastian, what is happening?” Now Stefano at least looks concerned, but it brings Sebastian little comfort.

 

“Can you walk?” Sebastian asks, feeling like they are replaying a conversation from earlier.

 

“I think I will be able to,” Stefano replies, “but I feel a bit weak at the moment.  Why don’t you rest here with me for a few minutes and then we can leave together?”

 

As appealing as taking a rest with Stefano sounds, Sebastian is worried that Riker and the others may be about to burst in, and he is not going to let that happen again.  “Let me take a look around first,” he tells Stefano, “just to make sure we’re alone.”

 

When Sebastian stands and takes a harder look at the room, he realizes that there are actually two doors now, the one he entered through and one exactly opposite that one.  He can’t remember for the life of him if the second door was there when he first arrived, but it seems like a weird place for a door in a hospital room.  He decides to investigate that one first.

 

“Just stay here,” he tells Stefano, taking up his lantern again.  “I’ll be right back.”

 

He goes to the new door, which has no knob or handle, but appears to swing in both directions, and pushes it open, stepping into the room beyond.

 

Except that it isn’t the room beyond.  It’s the room he just left, though Stefano is now regarding him with more interest.  The door swings closed behind him.

 

“How did you do that?” Stefano asks.

 

“I don’t know,” Sebastian says, looking into the room behind him.  It looks just as it should, though with the way the bed is positioned, he can’t see Stefano in that room.  “Hold on.”

 

He crosses the room again, opening the door and looking into the next room, which is an exact copy of the one he is in.  He can see Stefano on the bed in that room, though when he turns back around, the elevated head of the bed keeps him from seeing Stefano in this room.  He turns back to the new room and cautiously waves at Stefano, who waves back with an expression of confusion that probably matches the one Sebastian is wearing himself.

 

He steps forward into that room, and again, the door swings shut behind him.  He looks at Stefano, and Stefano looks at him, and neither one of them seems to have anything to offer about their current predicament, so Sebastian decides to try a new approach.

 

He takes a running start and bursts through the door and into the room again, then dashes across and through the next door and the next and the next, but each room is the same, and the only thing changing as he pushes through the doors from one to the next is that Stefano is looking more and more amused each time.

 

Finally, he stops, out of breath, and sets his lantern down to rest his hands on his knees.  This makes no sense.  This is impossible, and yet, he seems to be unable to leave this room.

 

“What…” he gasps for breath.  “What does this look like to you?” he asks Stefano.

 

“Like you are exiting the room through one door and entering through the other,” Stefano replies simply.

 

“Did you ever see me in two places at once?” Sebastian asks.

 

“No,” Stefano replies, “just one of you running through the room over and over again.”  He smiles.  “Come and sit down.  You must be exhausted.”

 

Sebastian is exhausted.  He’s never been much of a runner, and years of smoking hasn’t helped his cardiovascular fitness at all.  He approaches the bed, and Stefano scoots over to make room so that he can sit down beside him, leaning back against the elevated portion of the mattress and stretching his legs out on the bed.  Stefano leans over and Sebastian wraps an arm around him.

 

“You don’t seems as upset about this as you should be,” Sebastian says, because something fucked up is going on and he is worried and Stefano should be too.  “I don’t know how I got into these clothes, or where everyone else is, and now there’s something wrong with the building.  How are you so calm?”

 

“My reality is often…augmented by various substances,” Stefano says.  “This simply seems like another sort of augmentation.”

 

“Do you think this is a drug trip?” Sebastian asks hopefully.  He feels as though he is in possession of all of his normal faculties, but a drug trip would certainly explain some of the weird things that are happening.

 

“Not exactly,” Stefano replies.  “but I do have a theory, and considering the turn this has taken, I don’t see what reason I would have not to share it with you.”

 

“Okay,” Sebastian says.  “What’s your theory?”

 

“Well, as you may have ascertained, Slade does not only sell drugs and sex.  He also sells people.”

 

This doesn’t surprise Sebastian, but it is a welcome turn of events that Stefano now seems to be willing to discuss this.  “Who does he sell them to?” Sebastian asks.

 

“I am not certain who is actually overseeing the transaction,” Stefano replies, “though he has hinted that it is someone very powerful, but essentially he is paid for providing Jimenez with human subjects for medical research.”

 

“What?” Sebastian asks in surprise, because he did not see this coming.  “What kind of research?”

 

“Again, I cannot be sure, as my role in this is quite limited, but as I understand it, the research has something to do with the brain.  Or at least, it requires a certain state in the brain that Jimenez achieves through the introduction of drugs.”

 

Sebastian’s head is spinning, because a large scale operation of medical experiments on humans seems much too ambitious to go unnoticed, but of course, Slade would be pulling most of his subjects from a population that society ignores: sex workers and drug addicts.  Even his clients, those who might actually be missed, would have a very good reason to want to hide their connection to Slade, meaning that he’d be unlikely to be implicated in their disappearances.

 

“So the drug Slade is selling is part of Jimenez’s research project?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano says, “Slade’s role is to get it out into the population as much as possible, so that Jimenez has a pool of subjects.”

 

“Jimenez was at Slade’s some of the nights I was there before,” Sebastian points out.

 

“Ah, you remember that,” Stefano says.  “Some people don’t, especially when they get in as deep as you did the first time.  That is the reason why Slade always keeps the users at his house at least the first few times.  The dosage sometimes needs to be adjusted.  I don’t know what exactly they are looking for, but I know that there is a particular effect they want to achieve.”

 

“And what happens after they’ve found that?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Then Riker and the others deliver them to Jimenez,” Stefano replies.  “And I do not see them again.”

 

Sebastian pulls away from Stefano and turns to look him in the eye.  “And this is what was going to happen to me?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.

 

“And you were going to let them?” Sebastian asks, his voice rising in anger.  “Wait, you knew from the beginning.  From the very first interview…”  His voice trails off as he tries to process the fact that Stefano knew what he was doing all along, that Stefano ensnared him in this mess intentionally, that Stefano was willing to give him up to Jimenez’s experiments.

 

He is out of the bed in a second, on his feet and squaring off to face Stefano.  “How could you?” he asks, but his words aren’t angry anymore.  This shouldn’t hurt him.  This shouldn’t affect him at all.  Stefano is an informant, a tool in his investigation into Slade, nothing more.  Except that somehow he has become something more.  Against all reason, Stefano matters to him, and what Stefano thinks of him matters, and it does hurt that Stefano didn’t care enough to warn him about this.

 

Stefano meets Sebastian’s eye, unwavering.  “I told you not to come here,” he says.  “I told you not to go back to Slade’s.”  And Stefano is right.  Stefano did warn him, but apparently Sebastian can’t take a hint.

 

“But you recruited me for this experiment in the first place,” Sebastian states.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  “You have seen what it is like to work for Slade.  You know I cannot refuse him.”

 

“I know, I know,” Sebastian groans, bringing a hand up to his face, because he can’t even be that angry at Stefano for following Slade’s orders.  After all, he has seen what happens to Stefano if he disobeys, and he wouldn’t wish that on his worst enemy.  “But surely you can see why it might be a little hard for me to trust you at the moment.”

 

“I understand,” Stefano says with a nod.  “I am not certain that I trust myself anymore.”

 

Stefano’s eye drops to his lap, and he looks so lost for a moment that Sebastian is sitting down beside him again and taking him in his arms before he knows what he is doing.  Stefano presses against him, arms wrapped around his waist.

 

“It’s alright,” Sebastian says.  “I’m sorry.”  He pauses for a moment, idly rubbing Stefano’s back.  “Why are you telling me all of this now?  Aren’t you worried about what Slade will do?”

 

Stefano sighs and pulls back to look into Sebastian’s face.  “Now, this is the very difficult part.”  He pauses.  “I do not think Slade can do anything to us anymore,” he says.  “I think he has turned us over to Jimenez.”

 

“What?” Sebastian’s voice comes out sharper than he intended.  The buzzing sound is starting again in his ears, and Stefano’s lips are moving, but Sebastian can’t hear what he is saying.  “What?” he says, louder this time.  Stefano moves his hands to cup Sebastian’s face, and the noise stops.

 

“How else would you explain this?” Stefano is saying to him.  “You said it yourself.  There are too many things here that are not making sense.  We are clearly under the influence of something.  Something much more sophisticated than Slade could produce.”

 

“You think we’re in one of Jimenez’s experiments?” Sebastian asks.  That is clearly what Stefano is suggesting, but even with everything he knows, it is so outrageous that Sebastian has to hear it for himself.

 

“I do,” Stefano replies.

 

“One of the experiments that no one comes back from?” Sebastian asks, because this seems like an important point to clarify.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.

 

“Shit,” Sebastian mutters.  It may not be eloquent, but it perfectly expresses how he is feeling about this turn of events.  Stefano looks pretty distressed himself, and Sebastian wraps his arms around him, pulls him close again.  Stefano gives a little sigh, and Sebastian pulls back, afraid that he’s hurt him somehow.

 

“Are you still in pain?” he asks.

 

“No,” Stefano replies.  “I am a bit tired and a bit sore, but not in pain, not like I was earlier.”

 

“You look better,” Sebastian says, bringing a hand to Stefano’s face to cup his cheek.  “You had me really worried for a while.”

 

“So kind of you to be worried about me,” Stefano says with a smile, but Sebastian suddenly has another thought.  He has been worried about Stefano.  More importantly, he has some kind of feelings for Stefano.  He may not be ready to discuss them or put a label on them, but he feels something for Stefano, and he has been operating under the assumption that Stefano feels something for him.

 

“Look,” he begins, “there’s something I have to ask you, because obviously you know how to manipulate me.”  Sebastian pauses as he tries to formulate his question.  “Was any of it real?  I mean…”

 

Sebastian’s words trail off, but Stefano leans in so that their faces area inches apart, his hands still on either side of Sebastian’s face.  “Did it feel real when I kissed you that first time at the motel?” he murmurs.

 

“Yes,” Sebastian breathes.

 

“And did it feel real yesterday morning, when you were inside me?” Stefano asks, his breath tickling Sebastian’s face.

 

“Yes,” Sebastian replies.

 

“And does this feel real?” Stefano asks before he leans in to press his lips to Sebastian’s.  It is soft and gentle, but Sebastian can actually feel his heart accelerate at just this light contact.  He tilts his head, lets his lips move against Stefano’s, and give himself over to it, because yes, this does feel real.

 

Stefano pulls back after a few seconds, gazing steadily at Sebastian.

 

“Yes,” Sebastian whispers.

 

Stefano nods.  “I have deceived you many times, but not those times.  You are an exceptional man, Sebastian.  I only wish I had met you earlier.”  A shadow passes over Stefano’s face as he seems to consider this, but Sebastian pulls him into an embrace.  Stefano fits perfectly against him, and he wishes that it could go on much longer, but all too soon he is releasing him with a sigh.

 

“Well, now that we’ve covered the really important stuff,” Sebastian says.  “What the hell do we do now?”

 

“I haven’t the slightest idea,” Stefano replies.  “Though I suppose getting out of this room would be a good start.”

 

“I think it’s your turn then,” Sebastian says with a wry smile.  “You’ve already seen how successful I was at that.”

 

“Come with me,” Stefano suggests.  “I do not think it is wise for us to be separated for very long.”

 

“Of course,” Sebastian says, getting to his feet and offering Stefano a hand to help him out of the bed.  Stefano takes it, though he is surprisingly steady on his feet once he regains them.

 

Sebastian picks up the lantern, and he and Stefano step up to the door.  Stefano turns to him, and he nods, and then Stefano is pushing the door open to see what lies beyond it this time.

 

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian stands up and heads back into the front hall, intending to cross into the bedroom on the opposite side of the house, but as soon as he reaches the hallway, he sees something in the doorway to the bedroom that stops him dead in his tracks, makes him look away and then look back, because this is impossible. There is no way he can actually be seeing what he thinks he is seeing, but there she is.
> 
> “Lily…” he whispers.

 

 

Sebastian feels a rush of relief as he sees that this time the door doesn’t lead into another copy of the same room he and Stefano have been stuck in.  This time it leads out into the courtyard of the hospital, and Sebastian and Stefano step over the threshold and into the outside world before the door slams shut behind them, making them both jump.

 

Sebastian takes a look around.  The sky is overcast, and he can’t see the sun, but it seems like afternoon, which would make sense since he came to the hospital just before lunch.  The courtyard is just as overgrown as it was the first time he saw it, and it fills him with a sense of melancholy, almost nostalgia, to see this place looking so abandoned.  The courtyard stretches out ahead of them, and he can’t see the end of it, but the door behind him is firmly closed, so there is really no option but to go forward.  He glances over at Stefano, and they both start to walk down the path together.

 

“So, if we’re in one of the experiments, why is Jimenez letting us roam around like this?” Sebastian asks, because he still feels utterly lost about what is going on here.

 

“Are you sure we are actually roaming around?” Stefano asks with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Yes…I mean…do you think this is some kind of dream?” Sebastian asks.  “I don’t feel like I’m dreaming.”

 

“Perhaps a heavily drug-induced dream,” Stefano replies.  “And neither do I.  Aside from a few spatial impossibilities, everything is quite realistic.”

 

Sebastian stops.  “Hold on a minute,” he says, and he fixes his gaze on the path ahead of them.  He chooses a spot and stares, focusing all of his concentration on that one spot, on projecting his heart’s desire into the space ahead of them, but nothing happens.  “Okay, never mind,” he says, starting to walk again.

 

“What was that?” Stefano asks.

 

“Sometimes I can control my dreams,” Sebastian replies.  “Like being in a certain place, or a making a thing or a person appear.  It didn’t work though.”

 

“I would expect that this world is more complicated than a simple dream,” Stefano replies, “though it may still be possible to exert some influence over it.”

 

“Did Slade brief you on any of this when you started working for him?” Sebastian asks.

 

“No,” Stefano replies.  “My duties were explained in very simple terms- do whatever I must to keep the clients happy.  Everything else I know has been gathered from years of being a fly on the wall.  I see things, and I hear things, as do some of the other escorts, but I am the only one who has been around long enough to piece any of it together.”

 

“And why have you been around so long?” Sebastian asks.  “Slade seems to treat most of his escorts as expendable, but not you.  Why is that?”

 

“Because of Riker,” Stefano says simply.  “Just a few months after I came to work for Slade, he took me to New York with him.  He told me at the time it was to meet with a potential client, but I realized right away that Riker was no client.”  He pauses.  “Riker is everything that Slade pretends to be, everything that Slade wants to be, and Slade was determined to convince Riker to work for him.”

 

“And you were part of that deal?” Sebastian guesses.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  “Apparently Slade had done his homework, because he was very specific about how I was to dress and present myself.  He even told me what cologne to wear.  There were hours of negotiations between them, but I do not think Riker ever took his eyes off of me.  I found it flattering at first, until Slade bid us goodbye and I found out what sort of man Riker was.”

 

“And what kind of man is Riker?” Sebastian asks, though he suspects he already knows.

 

“The worst kind of man,” Stefano replies.  “The kind who can whisper gentle lies while he does such cruel things, who is rough and violent simply because he can be, who sees other people as objects that exist for his pleasure.”  Stefano shudders.

 

“And Slade just turned you over to him?”

 

“I am his, Sebastian,” Stefano says.  “With very few caveats, he can do as he pleases with me.  It is part of his agreement with Slade.”

 

“Is he jealous of every client you see?” Sebastian asks.

 

“No,” Stefano replies.  “In fact, he often seems to find some sort of satisfaction in watching me with the clients.  Though I may have pushed it a bit too far when I kissed you at the motel.  He was furious about that.”

 

“Yeah, I saw that on the cameras the other night,” Sebastian says.  Even the memory of it turns his stomach.

 

Stefano nods.  “And that brings us full circle, though I still do not know why I am here.”  He throws his hands up in apparent frustration.  “I should not be here.  Slade would not have agreed to this.  I am still useful to Riker and useful to him.”

 

Sebastian’s heart aches for Stefano in that moment, because Stefano is trying to justify his own existence, his own right to be in the world, based on his usefulness to other people, not to mention the fact that Slade and Riker are some of the worst people Sebastian knows.

 

He is about to remind Stefano of this when he stops short, because somehow in the course of their conversation, they have traversed the seemingly endless courtyard and are now standing on a dirt road in a small town of some sort, though every house around them appears to be abandoned.  Windows are boarded up, and grass is growing tall, and everything is perfectly still.

 

Then there is a crash of thunder and the sky opens up, and he and Stefano are dashing for the nearest shelter, a fairly intact wooden house that is almost obscured by the rose bushes growing up the front of it.  Sebastian pounds on the door, just in case somehow someone is living here, but when there is no immediate answer, he turns the knob, and the door opens, and they both stumble into the entryway, already drenched.

 

Sebastian closes the door behind them and turns to Stefano, who is starting to shiver.  His eye is darting wildly around the room.

 

“You don’t like storms,” Sebastian says.  It’s not a question, just an observation based on what he’s seen from Stefano, here and at Slade’s house.  Stefano is definitely more upset than the average adult by a thunderstorm, and without knowing why, the only thing Sebastian can do is try to make him more comfortable.  “Let’s take a look around and make sure we’re alone,” he says.  “Then we’ll find a spot to wait it out.”

 

Stefano nods, and they make a quick sweep of the small, one-story house.  It is rather old-fashioned, mostly wood, and it looks like the owner left in a hurry.  Drawers are pulled out of dressers, furniture is overturned, and everything is in disarray.  The house is empty, lifeless, like the corpse of some great animal, and it makes Sebastian’s skin crawl.  He does manage to find some matches in a drawer in the kitchen, and even more surprising, a few bullets of the right caliber for his revolver.

 

He starts a fire in the fireplace and drags the old, worn couch over in front of it, then beckons for Stefano, who has been following him around the house somewhat mechanically, seemingly still distracted by the storm raging outside.  “Come sit down,” Sebastian says.  “Maybe we can dry out a little bit while we’re waiting for the rain to stop.”

 

Truth be told, it’s a little warm in the room for Sebastian’s tastes, but the fire is more for comfort than for warmth anyway, and Stefano does seem to calm a bit when he is sitting next to Sebastian on the couch.  For Sebastian of course, the effect is quite the opposite, and looking directly at the flames brings a stab of anxiety, a twisting feeling in his gut, a reminder of his greatest failing.  He is just about to try to start a conversation to distract Stefano and possibly himself, when Stefano starts one of his own.

 

“What happened to your wife and daughter?”

 

The question hits Sebastian hard, because it’s a question that most people are too polite to ask, or at least, they don’t ask it so directly.  Stefano is gazing steadily at him, unconcerned about whatever emotional struggle Sebastian might be undergoing, so Sebastian takes a deep breath and collects himself and sets out to answer it as best he can.

 

“There was a fire,” he says, aware that his voice has gone flat, but unable to do anything about it.  “While we were both at work, there was a fire at the house, and Lily and her nanny didn’t make it out.  By the time we got there, the place had almost burned to the ground.”

 

“How did the fire start?” Stefano asks, his shivering subsiding as he leans forward, apparently engrossed in Sebastian’s story.

 

“Faulty wiring,” Sebastian says.  “At least, that’s what they said.  I guess I don’t really know for sure.”  Myra had her own theories, but Sebastian doesn’t even let himself think about those.

 

“And what about Myra?” Stefano asks.

 

Sebastian stares at him in silence for a few seconds, casting about in his memory, before he says, “I don’t think I ever told you my wife’s name.”

 

Stefano gives an apologetic smile.  “You said that name a few times when we were at Slade’s,” he explains.  “I just assumed that was your wife’s name.”

 

It is still a little odd for Stefano to know Myra’s name, but his explanation does make sense.  Sebastian remembers visions of Myra from when he was under the influence of the drugs, so it stands to reason that he might have spoken her name aloud.  But of course, that’s not the only connection between Stefano and Myra.

 

He shifts his weight and reaches into his back pants pocket, pulling out Stefano’s notebook.  He doesn’t remember putting it in his pocket, but that matters very little, because he doesn’t remember putting on these pants either.  He holds it up to Stefano.

 

“Oh, you found my notebook!” Stefano says, his face tightening for just a split second before he shifts over into looking pleasantly surprised.  “I’m afraid it is mostly sketches of people I meet.”

 

Sebastian flips through the pages all the way to the end, looking for that one particular sketch.  When he finds it, he turns the book around and presents it to Stefano.  “Who is this?” he asks.

 

“I think her name might be Hansen?” Stefano replies with some hesitation in his voice.  “I have seen her before at Beacon when I have been there for treatment.”

 

“When was the last time you saw her?” Sebastian asks, because Hansen is Myra’s maiden name, and the drawing is undoubtedly Myra, and if Myra is still in Krimson City, Sebastian needs to know what she is up to.

 

“Yesterday night when Jimenez brought me in,” Stefano answers.  “I was still a bit dazed, but she was definitely there.”

 

“And that’s the only place you know her from?” Sebastian presses.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, “though I don’t see what that has to do with…wait…Is that Myra?”

 

Sebastian nods.  “I haven’t seen her in almost two years, but it sounds like you have.  Do you know what she does at Beacon?”

 

“No,” Stefano replies.  “Only that I have seen her there talking to Jimenez.”

 

“Alright,” Sebastian says, handing Stefano’s notebook over to him and raking his fingers through his hair.  Stefano appears to be calm and collected, and Sebastian isn’t detecting any signs that he’s lying, but of course, Stefano is an accomplished liar.  Either way, it seems unlikely that he is going to get anything else out of him at the moment, so he tries to go back to the conversation.  “What about your family?” he asks.  “Do you keep in touch with any of them?”

 

“No,” Stefano replies, “I left my blood relatives behind in Italy, and my lifestyle does not allow me to form close relationships with others.”  He drops his eye down to his lap as he speaks.  “You heard what Riker said on the cameras.”

 

“He’s wrong though,” Sebastian insists, feeling a shadow of anger rising up inside him when he even thinks about the way Riker treated Stefano.  “He’s wrong about everything.”  Suddenly, Sebastian remembers something else from that conversation.  “Why was he so hung up on whether I had left marks on you?” he asks.

 

“I suppose that is part of his background,” Stefano replies.  “Markings and that sort of thing are very important to him.  When you claim something as your property, you mark it, at least as far as Riker is concerned.”

 

“Did he mark you?” Sebastian asks without even thinking.  It seems like the obvious next question.

 

“Of course he did,” Stefano says, turning on the couch to face Sebastian.  He lifts his hair from his face, and even though Sebastian has seen it before, the full realization of what happened there sucks the air out of his lungs, makes the bile rise up in his throat, and he has to turn away.

 

“I’m sorry,” he says, keeping his gaze fixed on the floor.  “I didn’t realize…”

 

“It is of no consequence,” Stefano replies, turning to face the fire again.  “I know I am quite difficult to look at.”

 

“It’s not that,” Sebastian says as he turns back to Stefano, reaching out to brush the hair back from his face again.  Stefano tenses his jaw, but he allows Sebastian to tuck his hair behind his ear, and for the first time, Sebastian gets a really good look at the scars there, and they are precise and intricate, every bit as complicated as one of Riker’s tattoos.  “When…?” he starts to ask, but can’t bring himself to finish the question.

 

“The first night Slade left me with him,” Stefano answers with a shudder.  Sebastian can’t imagine how long this would have taken, how painful it would have been for Stefano to endure each of these precise cuts, not to mention the loss of his eye.

 

Sebastian’s hand drops from Stefano’s face, but only so that he can wrap his arms around Stefano’s shoulders and pull him into a hug.  He still doesn’t know Stefano all that well, and he isn’t sure that Stefano will accept comfort from him when he is clearly feeling very vulnerable, but he doesn’t know what else to do, and all of his instincts are urging him to try to make this better somehow.

 

Then Stefano’s arms are around him as well, and Stefano is murmuring in his ear.  “You are very kind,” he says, “but that was quite a long time ago.  There is nothing to be done about it.”

 

Sebastian tightens his grip on Stefano, because he has a pretty good idea what he is going to do about it, starting with finding Riker and skinning him alive.  He is just trying to figure out what might be the best technique to use to accomplish this, when Stefano shifts against him, and something hard is poking him in the ribs.

 

Stefano must notice it too, because he pulls back and slips his hand inside his jacket.  A smile, a genuine, excited smile crosses his face, and when he brings his hand out he is holding a knife- his knife, in fact, the same one that Sebastian seized as evidence and turned over to KCPD.  Sebastian doesn’t waste any energy trying to figure out how this is possible, because clearly nothing makes sense here, and Stefano looks so happy about it that he can’t bring himself to ask too many questions.

 

“It seems I am better equipped than I thought,” Stefano says.  “And the rain has stopped.”

 

Sebastian pauses to listen and finds that he can no longer hear the rain beating down on the roof.  “I’m going to make one last sweep for supplies,” he says, because it occurs to him that someone who has a few bullets stashed in one place in the house might have other hiding places for ammunition, and he wants to make a more thorough search.

 

He stands up and heads back into the front hall, intending to cross into the bedroom on the opposite side of the house, but as soon as he reaches the hallway, he sees something in the doorway to the bedroom that stops him dead in his tracks, makes him look away and then look back, because this is impossible.  There is no way he can actually be seeing what he thinks he is seeing, but there she is.

 

“Lily…” he whispers.  Seeing her after all this time makes his heart race, and he throws open his arms to her.

 

She gives him a mischievous little smile- and it is Lily’s smile-, turns, and runs into the bedroom, and Sebastian follows.  Once he steps over the threshold though, he has to look frantically around for her, because she is nowhere to be seen.  The room is just as he left it after their first search of the house, and he is just taking another look around when he catches sight of his reflection in the mirror above the dresser.

 

He is there, dressed as he is, as he would have been a few years ago, and Lily is beside him, in her pajamas, as she was the last time he kissed her goodbye.  Her reflection beckons to him, and even though he knows this is wrong, even though she only appears in the mirror, he approaches, keeping his eyes on her.

 

When he is right up at the dresser, Lily’s reflection looks up at his reflection with a smile, but this time it’s not Lily’s smile.  It’s wrong somehow, an expression that belongs to a much older person.  There is something malicious about it, and suddenly it is not Lily standing beside his reflection in the mirror anymore.

 

The person standing there now is a man wearing a tattered white hooded robe.  Scars and burns cover much of his body, and Sebastian is momentarily amazed that someone with those injuries could still be alive, before he remembers that they are not in a normal place.  He turns to the space beside him, but of course no one is there, so he looks back at the reflection.

 

“Do I know you?” he asks.

 

The man’s voice is deep, almost guttural.  “No,” he says, “but you will…  Oh, you will.”

 

The mirror shatters and Sebastian has to throw his arms up in front of his face to shield himself from the flying glass.  When he lowers them, he is alone in the room, and the mirror has been completely destroyed.  On the wall where it used to be are deep, fresh-looking scratches that form words.

 

_You will know me._

“Sebastian?”

 

Sebastian jumps as Stefano sticks his head around the door frame.

 

“Are you alright in here?” he asks.  “Did you break something?”

 

“I…I don’t know,” Sebastian replies.  “I thought I saw something.”  He shakes his head.  “I don’t know.”

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says, stepping fully into the room and approaching Sebastian to place a hand on his shoulder.  “It is much too early to be hallucinating.”

 

Sebastian points to the scratches on the wall, and Stefano turns to look at them, letting go of Sebastian.

 

“How interesting,” Stefano says thoughtfully, raising a hand to his mouth.  “That seems much more recent than anything else in this house.  Do you think we might meet others here?”

 

Sebastian shrugs.  “Your guess is as good as mine.  I’m going to take one more sweep for supplies, and then we should get going.  We’re not making any progress like this.”

 

“I’ll check the kitchen again,” Stefano says and heads out of the room.

 

Sebastian takes another look around the bedroom, but doesn’t find anything else, and when he meets up with Stefano in the front hall neither one of them has found anything new.

 

Sebastian is frustrated by their lack of a clear goal, by how disoriented he feels in this strange world, by the mysterious man who seemed to be threatening him in the bedroom, but he can’t think of anything else to do besides push on and hope their objective presents itself.  He pushes the door open, surprised to see that it is dark outside, thought the boarded-up windows of the house have likely prevented them from noticing that the sun has set.

 

He is relieved that he still has the lantern, and he raises it in front of him as he steps out of the house, followed closely by Stefano.  The darkness is deep here, untouched by electric lights, and even with the lantern, visibility is very poor.  The only thing that stands out in any way is a large building off in the distance, identifiable only by the torches burning on its walls.

 

As if by some silent agreement, they turn toward it and begin walking, close together so that they can both use their single light source.  Sebastian appreciates the irony of the fact that he is now being guided by fire, when he would normally go to great lengths to avoid it, but it is the only target on the landscape, their only goal, and Sebastian needs a goal.  Without it, he will collapse in on himself.

 

Even in the deep darkness, the lantern’s light illuminates the dirt road at least a few feet ahead of them, and the road leads in the general direction they want to go.  They walk in silence for a few minutes.  Sebastian still has at least a dozen questions for Stefano, but in this unknown and possibly hostile environment, he can’t afford to be distracted.

 

As they come around a bend in the path, the light from a campfire catches Sebastian’s attention.  The very sight of it makes him uneasy on some fundamental level, but it points to civilization, to some person other than themselves, and the man who is poking at the logs with a metal pole doesn’t look particularly dangerous, though his clothing is suspiciously old-fashioned.  He has his back to them, and Sebastian nudges Stefano with his elbow and nods toward the man.

 

Stefano shrugs his shoulders in an exaggerated fashion, and of course Sebastian doesn’t know anything about this man either, but it seems like they should at least see if he can answer any questions about where they are.

 

The fire and the house behind it, which Sebastian is just noticing, are surrounded by a waist high stone wall, and Sebastian approaches as far as the edge of the wall and calls out to the man.  “Excuse me!  Sir, can you tell me-”

 

He doesn’t get to finish his question, because the man begins to turn in his direction, but suddenly jerks his head back the other way, staring off into the distance as if transfixed.  “Get down,” he croaks, in a voice that is so thick and wet he could be speaking underwater.

 

“What?” Sebastian asks.  Something about this man is unnatural.  Actually everything about him- his voice, the way he moves- is wrong.  His arm jerks up into the air like a puppet whose string has been pulled as he points off into the distance.

 

Sebastian looks past him and sees a blinding white light sweeping across the landscape.  Its illumination would probably be useful in getting their bearings, but it is so bright that Sebastian can’t even look directly at it, and it is moving in their direction.  Sebastian can’t explain why, but he knows in that moment that the light is dangerous.  He grabs Stefano by the arm and ducks down behind the wall with him, and they cower together in the shadow of the wall as the light sweeps over them.

 

As soon as it has passed, Sebastian stands up and his eyes trace it back to the source.  They are on the shore of a lake or some other large body of water, and on the opposite shore is a lighthouse that is producing this strangely powerful light.  He squints, trying to make out more details, but as it is creating the only light, most of it is obscured by shadow.  He feels Stefano tap him on the shoulder.

 

“What?” Sebastian says, still straining his eyes to see across the lake.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano hisses, and the urgency in his voice yanks Sebastian’s eyes back to his face.  Stefano is pointing at the man, and when Sebastian turns to look as well, he can see why.  The man is still on his feet, but his body is shaking as though he is having some king of seizure.  He gasps, and groans, and Sebastian can see something forcing its way out from inside his body, stretching the skin of his neck and arms until it bursts through, and he is covered in barbed wire, except that this wire is a living entity.  It coils around him like a snake as his shaking intensifies.

 

Suddenly he goes perfectly still, and when he turns slowly back to face them, his eyes are burning like hot coals in the darkness of his skull.  He makes an awful growling, gurgling noise and begins to walk toward them, the metal pole still clutched in his hand.  His walk is jerky, and again it reminds Sebastian of a puppet on strings.  He’s about forty feet away, and even though everything about him is inhuman, Sebastian feels compelled to call out to him.

 

“Stop!  Drop your weapon!”

 

The man pays him no mind, just continues to shamble forward on legs that don’t seem to be connected to his brain.  Sebastian backs up several steps, and Stefano comes with him, but the man doesn’t stop.

 

Sebastian draws his gun, pointing it reflexively at the center of the man’s chest.  “Drop your weapon!” he shouts again, but still the man is coming closer.  He’s about twenty feet away now, and the pole has to have a reach of at least four feet.

 

“Sebastian!  Shoot him!” Stefano urges, and it is Stefano’s voice, the fact that Stefano is present at all, that snaps Sebastian out of his training, because he isn’t on the street with a suspect.  He is in this messed up dream world with Stefano and this man probably isn’t even real.

 

He squeezes the trigger, sees the man’s body jerk as the round hits him, but he doesn’t go down.  In fact he is still coming, climbing over the wall with awkward movements of his arms and legs.  Sebastian fires a second and a third time, and he knows his shots are landing, but the man will not stop.

 

In an act of desperation, he switches his aim to the man’s head and pulls the trigger again.  This time half of the man’s skull is blow away, splattering gore over all of them, and somehow he is still coming.

 

“What the fuck?” Sebastian says out loud before he has to duck to avoid the metal pole that is being swung at his head.  Fortunately the force of the swing turns the man away from Stefano, and Stefano is on him in a second, his knife piercing what remains of the man’s head.  The man emits another wordless groan and slumps onto the ground.

 

Sebastian stares at him for a few seconds, waiting to make sure that he isn’t about to get right back up and come after them again, because basic rules about anatomy and how much damage the human body can take don’t see to apply here.  When the man remains still, Sebastian takes a step toward him and raises his lantern for a closer look.  The damage from the bullets is visible, and Stefano’s knife is still sticking out of the side of the man’s head, and the barbed wire is all around him.

 

“What the hell was that?” Sebastian asks.

 

“I wish I knew,” says Stefano as he bends over and pulls his knife out of the man’s skull.  He frowns at it for a moment before crouching down to wipe it on the grass.

 

Sebastian takes a moment to reload his revolver.  “Do you think it was the light that changed him?”

 

“It certainly appeared that way,” Stefano replies.

 

As soon as he says it, they both look back at the lighthouse, trying to gauge how long it is going to take for the light to come around again, because Sebastian certainly does not want to be out in the open when it does.  The beam seems to be facing away from them at the moment, so Sebastian estimates they may another minute or so before it comes back.

 

“Come on,” he urges Stefano.  “Let’s find some better cover.”

 

They start up the path again, moving at a jog this time, and manage to cover some ground before they reach a small shed

 

“In here,” Sebastian says, opening the door and finding the shed empty except for some farming tools.  He steps over the threshold, and Stefano follows him in.  Even though the shed is windowless, they both crouch down as the light passes by.  They can see it, as bright as ever, trying to force its way through the small cracks between boards, but after a few seconds it passes, and Sebastian looks at Stefano.

 

“What the hell is this?” he asks, his voice coming out a bit harsher than he intends.  “What kind of experiment could this possibly be?”

 

Stefano raises a hand to his forehead, his expression strained.  “I do not know, Sebastian,” he says.  “For once, I don’t know any more than you do.”

 

“I know, I know.  I’m sorry,” Sebastian says.  “I just don’t get it, and it’s really fucking frustrating.”  He reaches out to pat Stefano’s arm, but suddenly the gesture seems awkward, and he lets his hand fall back to his side.  “I’m sure it’s not much better for you.”

 

“No, it is not,” Stefano replies.  “I am not supposed to be here.”

 

Sebastian nods in sympathy.  However Stefano perceives it, Sebastian has the distinct impression that none of them are supposed to be here in this place under these circumstances.  There is something otherworldly about all of it.

 

“Let’s go,” he says.  “We’ve got a couple of minutes to get to a new cover point.”

 

Their next cover point is a pile of logs, but no sooner have they ducked behind it than they realize that there are people all around them- people in old-fashioned clothes, like the first man they saw.  Luckily, they don’t seem to be aware of Sebastian and Stefano at the moment.

 

When the light sweeps around this time, they get to see the gruesome transformation again, and when it passes by they find themselves sitting very still and quiet in as the men shuffle back and forth like zombies, seemingly unaware of them.  There are at least six that Sebastian can see, and he doesn’t want to take on all of them at once with their limited resources, so he turns to Stefano and holds a finger to his lips, then shifts into a crouch and begins to creep along the wood pile until he is within a few feet of another low wall.  He turns back to check that Stefano is following him and then continues crouch-walking along it.

 

By staying low to the ground and only moving when enemies are facing away from them, they manage to make their way up to the next shed and duck inside.  Sebastian drops the crossbar across the door just in case anyone spotted them entering the shed.  His heart is pounding in his ears, and he is shaking a little from the exertion of being crouched down for so long, but at least for the moment they are out of the light and away from these strange, hostile men, if they can even be called men anymore.

 

The light passes by once, and neither one of them moves.  Sebastian glances over at Stefano, who also looks like his nerves are pretty rattled, and stays where he is, deciding that a short rest is in order.

 

He is anticipating the light coming around again, but what he doesn’t expect to hear are voices from outside the shed.

 

“…probably just started it up too soon,” one of them is saying, though the voice is muffled by the walls around them and Sebastian can’t be sure if the speaker is someone he’s heard before.

 

The second voice though, gives him no doubt.  “When I get out of here, I’m gonna bash his fucking skull in,” says Riker.

 

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stefano lets his head fall back against the wall behind him. “Sebastian,” he says. “You have done your duty. You have done more than your duty, in fact, but as you said before, we have come as far as we can in the investigation. You have no further obligation to me.”
> 
> “Fuck obligation!” snaps Sebastian, because the more Stefano talks, the more Sebastian realizes that he is no longer a detective trying to protect his informant. He is simply a man who, inexplicably and against all the odds, has some very strong feelings about another man, and he’ll be damned if he’s going to let anything happen to Stefano now that it is in his power to protect him.

 

 

The last thing Sebastian sees before he turns down the lantern and plunges them into darkness is the look of utter terror on Stefano’s face.

 

Sebastian can’t blame him, because even with the slowly rising hostility of the environment and the aggressive human-like creatures they’ve encountered, surely Stefano at least felt like he would be safe from Riker here.  Apparently they aren’t going to be so lucky, because that is definitely Riker outside the shed, and with the additional context, Sebastian is able to identify the other voice as Jackson’s.

 

“It’s coming back around,” Jackson says.

 

“In the shed,” grunts Riker.

 

The footsteps get closer, and Sebastian can hear Stefano’s heart beating, hear his breathing accelerate, or maybe he’s only hearing himself, because his own heart is definitely pounding as well.  His hand goes to his revolver, easing it out of the holster and leveling it at the door.  In the next moment though, Stefano’s hand is on his arm, and Stefano is shaking his head, guiding his arm back to his side.

 

Sebastian doesn’t have time to ask why before the door shakes in its frame as someone tries to pull it open.  Because the crossbar is in place, it only budges an inch or so.

 

“It’s locked,” says Riker, yanking on the door a few more times.

 

“Just get behind it then!” Jackson says urgently.  “We’re almost out of time!”

 

Their footsteps move hurriedly around the shed to the back, just before the light sweeps over them again.

 

“Alright,” Jackson says.  “Let’s go.  It can’t be much farther.”

 

Riker doesn’t answer, but the footsteps are moving away now, and Sebastian is letting the air out of his lungs in a rush.  He adjusts the lantern, turning it back on low enough that it just bathes the inside of the shed in faint light.

 

Stefano is sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest, staring off in the direction Riker and Jackson went.

 

“Hey,” Sebastian says softly, reaching out to put a hand on Stefano’s knee.  Stefano’s eye darts over to Sebastian as soon as he makes contact.  “You okay?” Sebastian asks, letting his hand drop back to his side.

 

Stefano nods.  “I don’t understand though,” he says.  “What is Riker doing here?  There must have been some mistake.”

 

“I guess so,” Sebastian says.  “Riker and Jackson were with me right before I passed out, but I don’t know what happened after that.”

 

“Who is Jackson?” Stefano asks.  “Do you mean Dalton?  He’s the other one who was at Beacon with us.”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian replies.  “I guess you know him as Dalton, but he’s actually a homicide detective at KCPD.”

 

“Really?” Stefano asks, leaning forward a bit.  “Is he undercover as well?”

 

“I doubt that very much,” says Sebastian.  “I think it’s more likely that he’s the reason Slade can operate so freely, and the reason I’m getting so little support from KCPD in the investigation.”  He feels a little twinge of guilt, because as far as Stefano knows, he is still investigating on behalf of the police department.

 

“I didn’t know he was with the police,” Stefano says thoughtfully.  “Does the department work with many people like Slade?”

 

“Jesus, I hope not,” Sebastian says.  The revelation that Jackson is working for Slade is shocking enough in itself without considering the possibility that there may be other criminals who have KCPD’s blessing to conduct their business.

 

They are silent for a few seconds, and then Stefano lets out a sigh.  “I was hoping to have some time away from Riker,” he says.

 

“Don’t worry,” Sebastian replies.  “You’re going to.  We’re going to stay as far away from him as possible.

 

Stefano is slowly shaking his head. “He will find me,” he says.  “He always finds me in the end.”

 

“Not this time,” Sebastian says.

 

“If he commands me,” Stefano says.  “I must obey.”

 

“Even here?” Sebastian asks in disbelief.  “Look, I’ve given you a lot of leeway on this, but you have got to tell me why you’re so loyal to Slade and Riker.  Otherwise, I can’t help you.”

 

Stefano doesn’t speak.

 

“Are you afraid they’ll hurt you?” Sebastian asks.  “Because I can protect you. Now that I’ve got my gun they won’t be able to come near you again.”

 

“It’s not that,” Stefano says.  “It’s a bit more complicated.”

 

“Then tell me,” Sebastian implores.  “I don’t think anything you can say is going to surprise me at this point.  I know what a bunch of assholes these guys are.  Just tell me what’s going on.  Whatever it is, I’ll understand.”

 

Stefano lets his head fall back against the wall behind him.  “Sebastian,” he says.  “You have done your duty.  You have done more than your duty, in fact, but as you said before, we have come as far as we can in the investigation.  You have no further obligation to me.”

 

“Fuck obligation!” snaps Sebastian, because the more Stefano talks, the more Sebastian realizes that he is no longer a detective trying to protect his informant.  He is simply a man who, inexplicably and against all the odds, has some very strong feelings about another man, and he’ll be damned if he’s going to let anything happen to Stefano now that it is in his power to protect him.

 

“You think that’s all this is about?” he continues, voice rising even though he doesn’t intend it to.  “You think I’m trying to fulfill some kind of duty?”  He pauses.  Stefano is looking at his hands, his expression unreadable.  “Stefano, you said it yourself.  You said this was real.”  He points back and forth between himself and Stefano.

 

“And it was,” Stefano replies.  “It is, but you are under no obligation to continue it.  If you have finished with me, I will not trouble you any further.”

 

Sebastian lets the air out of his lungs in a rush, because they are back to this again.  He remembers what Riker said to Stefano about how people will take what they want from him and the leave, and he wonders how many times over the years Riker has said that to Stefano, wonders how long it took Stefano to start believing it.

 

He is next to Stefano, arms wrapped around him before he is even aware that he is moving.  “I am not finished with you,” he murmurs, mouth close to Stefano’s ear.  “And I don’t want to take anything from you unless you want to give it.  I…” He struggles for words.  “I… care about you, and I don’t know what that means about me or you or anyone else, but I’m not leaving you.”

 

Stefano has wrapped an arm around him as well.  “I also enjoy your company very much,” he says.  “And I hope to continue doing so, but I still cannot tell you why I work for Slade.”

 

Sebastian heaves a sigh of frustration, because just for a moment he thought they were actually getting somewhere, but Stefano is wound just as tightly as he has always been about this particular subject, and clearly there is no point in trying to continue this line of conversation.

 

All the same, he wants to let Riker and Jackson get some distance ahead of them before they set out again, and it’s probably a good time to check on Stefano’s wellbeing anyway.

 

“How are you feeling?” he asks, his hands unconsciously moving down to Stefano’s hips.

 

“Alright,” Stefano replies.  “I still feel a bit sore or faint from time to time, but nothing like before.”

 

This comes as a tremendous relief to Sebastian, because seeing Stefano in so much pain is an experience he never wants to repeat if he can help it.

 

“What about you?” Stefano asks.

 

“I’m fine,” Sebastian answers quickly.

 

“You haven’t had any more hallucinations?”

 

“I wasn’t having hallucinations to start with,” argues Sebastian.  “There really was something there- someone there.”

 

Now Stefano is placing a hand on his knee.  “I believe you, but be careful.  I think this place is capable of deceiving us in ways we may not even be able to comprehend.”

 

“Thanks,” Sebastian says, placing his hand over Stefano’s.  He isn’t sure what else he can say to that or how he is supposed to determine what is real in this situation.

 

They sit like that for a few more minutes, a few more rotations of the blinding white light, before Sebastian gets to his feet.

 

“Ready to get going?” he asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  He takes the hand Sebastian offers, and Sebastian helps to pull him to his feet.  They remove the crossbar from the door and open it, and Sebastian steps out cautiously, scanning the area around them, but they seem to be alone.

 

“Do you think we should keep going the same direction?” Sebastian asks.  He isn’t sure how Stefano will feel about this approach, since this is the direction that Riker and Jackson left in.

 

Stefano shrugs.  “I think we must.  I do not see the point in going back the way we came.”

 

“Alright,” says Sebastian.  He doesn’t mention the possibility of running into Riker.  Surely Stefano is aware of it, and despite Stefano’s warning, Sebastian would relish the opportunity to confront him.

 

“Would you like me to take the lantern for a while?” Stefano asks.

 

“Sure,” Sebastian replies, handing it over.

 

They continue on for what Sebastian estimates as a half a mile, ducking behind outbuildings or wood piles, and only having to avoid a few of the roaming men with glowing eyes and various farming implements clasped in their hands like weapons.  Just when Sebastian is beginning to wonder if they are actually getting any closer to the torches burning in the walls of the large building ahead, they come upon something that looks more like a settlement.  There are several wooden buildings grouped together, and the one nearest them has an open door with a warm light shining out of it.

 

It looks so welcoming that Sebastian is immediately suspicious.  He glances to Stefano whose brows are also knitted in concern, and then begins to creep along the wall of the building, listening carefully as he inches closer to the open door.  When he is within a few feet, he can hear music playing, and the soothing classical piece sounds so out of place in this hostile environment that he isn’t sure what to think.

 

When Sebastian reaches the edge of the door frame, he takes his revolver in hand and pivots around the corner, gun pointed into the center of the room.  He quickly pivots to check each corner, finding the room empty except for a few pieces of furniture.

 

“Looks okay so far,” he says over his shoulder to Stefano.  He moves forward into the house, because it is now obvious that this is a house, through the dining room and into the kitchen, still finding no one.

 

“Can you secure the door?” he asks Stefano.  “I’m going to check upstairs.”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies with a nod.  He hands the lantern to Sebastian, and Sebastian climbs the narrow staircase to the second floor.

 

The first bedroom he looks into seems normal enough, though he checks to make sure no one is hiding under the bed or in the wardrobe.  The second bedroom has several candles burning on dressers and bookcases, but what catches Sebastian’s attention is the chest at the foot of the bed, which has two items laid out on it.

 

“Hey, Stefano,” he calls.  “Can you come up here?”

 

He hears Stefano’s footsteps on the stairs, and within a few seconds Stefano is in the room with him.  Sebastian points to the items that have captured his attention: a crossbow, or some other sort of very stylized weapon, and an expensive-looking film camera.

 

“Any ideas what this is about?” Sebastian asks.  After finding the notebook in his pocket, and seeing Stefano find the knife, Sebastian is starting to wonder if there are any coincidences in this world, or if things simply appear where they need to be with no further explanation.  He thinks it is likely that these items are relevant to them somehow, and that feeling grows stronger the more time Stefano spends staring at them.

 

“I haven’t held a camera in years,” Stefano breathes, taking a step closer and crouching down so that he is on eye-level with the camera, but not touching it.  “This is very much like the one I used to have.”

 

“Photography was your hobby?” Sebastian asks.

 

“It was my career,” Stefano replies, still looking longingly at the camera.

 

“Really?” Sebastian asks, suddenly more than casually interested, because this might be the most Stefano has shared about his past.  “Before you worked for Slade?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano says, “but as I said, it has been years.”

 

“Why do you think this is here now?” Sebastian asks.

 

Stefano stares at the camera in silence for a few seconds.  His gaze looks almost accusatory now.  “I wish I knew,” he answers, rising to his feet.

 

“Do you think we’re supposed to use it for something?” Sebastian asks.

 

The utility of the crossbow is obvious to him, but the camera doesn’t make any sense.  He steps in next to Stefano and reaches for it.  Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Stefano’s hand jerk toward it, but Stefano says nothing, and Sebastian picks it up and raises it to his face, unsure of what he is actually looking for.  As far as he can tell, it looks and feels like an ordinary camera, not that Sebastian has a lot of photography experience.

 

“Be careful,” Stefano cautions.  “Do you even know how to use that?”

 

“Of course,” Sebastian replies.  “It’s not that hard.  Just point and press the button.”

 

He demonstrates, pointing the camera at the other side of the room and pressing the button to take a picture.  The flash goes off, much brighter than he was expecting, but nothing else is amiss, and he takes a couple more pictures, unsure of what he’s trying to accomplish, before Stefano snatches the camera out of his hands.

 

“Sebastian,” he says with a long suffering sigh, “there is quite a bit more to it than pointing and pressing a button.”

 

Stefano holds the camera up near the lantern and adjust some dials on the back, before he points it at Sebastian and presses the button.  The flash goes off again, causing Sebastian to blink, but something else happens as well.

 

Sebastian suddenly feels almost frozen in time, like he is moving through thick molasses.  His eyes slowly open, and he can see that the room around him is tinted blue.  Stefano is staring at him in confusion, still holding the camera.  Sebastian is able to move, but only slowly and with great effort.  His arms and legs feel heavy and unresponsive, and even turning his head is a struggle.

 

He is just feeling the beginnings of panic when the effect ends and he staggers, everything around him speeding up to its normal pace.

 

“Holy shit, Stefano,” he gasps.  “How did you do that?”

 

“I simply pointed and pressed the button,” Stefano replies with a raised eyebrow, “though the effect was most intriguing.”

 

“I felt like I was trapped,” Sebastian says.

 

“Perhaps that is its purpose then,” Stefano suggests.

 

Sebastian is inclined to agree, because he can imagine how useful something like this could be if they have to take on the twisted, deformed shells of men outside.  Unfortunately, it appears that this particular tool is only useful in Stefano’s hands, so Sebastian leaves him to it and picks up the crossbow.  It is fairly straightforward, and loaded with a bolt like a small steel harpoon.  He is sure that he can do some significant damage with it, though the fact that this strange world is providing them with weapons does give him some reservations about what is to come.

 

Once Sebastian has satisfied himself that there is nothing else of use in this room, they head back downstairs to regroup and search the rest of the house.  Stefano finds a few bullets and another crossbow bolt sticking out of the wall, as well as a strange syringe full of green liquid.  Sebastian doesn’t trust that for a second, but he slips it into his pocket anyway, thinking that maybe it’s purpose will become apparent later.

 

When they’ve arranged all of their gear, Sebastian walks to the door, lifts the crossbar, and opens it slowly.  He is immediately glad that he exercised some caution, because the open area between the buildings is now crawling with the strange, twisted creatures that are shaped like men, but are clearly not men anymore.  They are all wrapped in barbed wire, some are missing huge pieces of their flesh, and many are armed.

 

Sebastian steps back inside, pulling the door closed behind him.  “Looks like we’re surrounded,” he tells Stefano.  “We can try to sneak around the buildings, but it looks like sooner or later, it’s going to turn into a fight.  How do you feel about that?”

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says with an indulgent smile.  “I work the streets.  I am always ready for a fight.”

 

Sebastian doubts very much that this is going to be the kind of fight Stefano is ready for, because he doesn’t think that anyone is ever ready for this kind of fight, but he slings the crossbow over his back, attaches the lantern to his belt, and takes his revolver in hand.  When he opens the door this time, both he and Stefano creep out into the night.

 

As Sebastian slinks along the edge of the building, followed closely by Stefano, he does notice one improvement.  Whether it is due to the larger buildings or the thicker forest around them, the light from the lighthouse doesn’t appear to be able to reach them here, which means that they can focus on the enemies rather than worrying about whether they are about to be transformed into monsters themselves.

 

Sebastian creeps from one building to the next, hopeful that their luck will hold out, but as he rounds the corner of one building, he comes suddenly face to face with one of the men, who lets out a horrible, inhuman sort of yowl and swings a sickle at him.  Sebastian jumps back, just as Stefano lunges forward and shoves his knife up underneath the man’s chin and into his head.  Stefano yanks the knife out, and the man collapses to the ground with a gurgling noise and doesn’t move again.

 

“Nice work,” Sebastian says, turning to Stefano.  Unfortunately, the congratulations are short-lived, because behind Stefano are at least five of this guy’s friends, apparently alerted by the sound of a struggle.

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian hisses, and Stefano turns around to see them approaching.

 

“Let me try something,” Stefano says, reaching into his jacket with his free hand to pull out the camera.  He raises it and presses the button.  The flash of bright blue light makes Sebastian shield his eyes for a moment, but when he drops his hand back to his side, he sees something remarkable.

 

All of the approaching enemies are stalled in a sort of a blue box, much the way Sebastian was upstairs, and Sebastian simply gapes for a moment before he realizes that this would probably be a good time for him to do something.  He levels his revolver at the first enemy’s head and pulls the trigger.  The man’s head explodes, albeit in slow motion, chunks of brain matter spraying the rest of the crowd.

 

Sebastian acquires the next target and the next and the next, dispatching four of the men before the box itself shatters with a sound like breaking glass.  The four men who Sebastian shot drop to the ground, but the remaining man begins to move toward them again.

 

Sebastian delivers two shots to the man’s torso, because he isn’t so confident as to attempt a headshot on a moving target that is within ten feet of him.  The man staggers, and Stefano immediately steps in, drawing his knife across the man’s throat and tearing it open effortlessly.

 

Again, Sebastian just finds himself gaping at Stefano.  “Holy shit,” he breathes, because it’s one thing to carry a knife for protection, but Stefano actually appears to be proficient in combat with it, which is sort of an unusual skill.  He is about to ask Stefano about this when he catches the sound of voices drifting over to him.

 

“Castellanos?” Jackson is calling.  “Castellanos, is that you?”

 

Sebastian is about to square up to the voice to face off against Jackson and Riker as soon as they appear, but Stefano grabs his upper arm, dragging him into the thick bushes behind the house.

 

“What the fuck are you doing?” hisses Sebastian.  He is sick of hiding and sneaking, and he is especially sick of tiptoeing around Riker, who deserves nothing more than a crossbow bolt to the face as far as Sebastian is concerned.  This would be the perfect opportunity if Stefano didn’t have a firm grip on his arm.

 

“I told you already,” Stefano whispers back.  “You cannot.”  Stefano is fumbling in the bushes beside him, and Sebastian realizes that he is dimming the lantern.

 

“But you won’t tell me why!” Sebastian shoots back.  “Give me one good reason why I can’t put him down.”

 

“Because Slade and whoever supports his operation control this whole system from the outside,” Stefano whispers urgently.  “If you cross Slade, and believe me, killing Riker would do it, who knows what they could do to us in here?”

 

“Fuck,” Sebastian mutters, because Stefano actually has a point there.  Then he picks up on another issue.  “What even happens if you die in here?” he asks.  “Do you die outside the experiment as well.”

 

“I do not know,” Stefano replies, “but I can only assume so.  After all, Jimenez seems to go through subjects at an alarming rate.”

 

Sebastian has more questions, but the words die on his lips as he hears footsteps approaching.  Riker and Jackson step out into the clearing between the houses.  Jackson bends down to inspect the bodies.  “There’s someone else here,” he says.

 

“No shit,” says Riker, looking unimpressed by Jackson’s detective abilities.  “Where are they now?”

 

Both Riker and Jackson scan the environment for a few minutes while Sebastian and Stefano stay frozen in the bushes, not daring to move, hardly daring to breathe.  Sebastian is suddenly regretting using his revolver to dispatch the crowd a minute ago when the crossbow would surely have been a much quieter option, because he is certain that the gunshots are what drew Riker and Jackson to their position.

 

“Do you think they’d have survived this long in here?” Jackson asks.

 

“Stefano is more resourceful than you’d think,” Riker replies.  “And I don’t know anything about that cop.”

 

Jackson makes a noncommittal noise, then says, “Well, if it was them, they’re not here now.”

 

“Yeah,” Riker agrees.  “Let’s go on.  If this place doesn’t take care of them, I will.  Right before I take care of Jimenez.”

 

With that, he and Jackson turn and go back the way they came.  Sebastian turns to Stefano.  “So you think Slade’s actually aware of what’s going on in here?”

 

“I don’t know,” Stefano replies.  “But Slade or whoever he works for surely has some kind of oversight, and we cannot risk drawing their anger when we are so susceptible to them.”

 

“I just don’t see how this situation is improved at all by Riker being alive,” Sebastian grumbles, because Stefano may have a valid point about whoever is in control of the system, but he is convinced that the world, real or imaginary, would be a better place without Riker in it.

 

“He is Slade’s right hand man,” Stefano replies.  “To act against him is to act against Slade.”

 

“And what is he to you?” Sebastian asks.  He has been trying to keep the exasperation he feels out of his voice, because he knows this is a difficult topic for Stefano, but his control is slipping.

 

There is a pause before Stefano responds, “Riker is the devil I know.  He may be cruel, but he is predictable in his own way.”

 

Stefano rises to his feet, dusts himself off, and walks back out into the clearing, leaving Sebastian wondering who exactly is the devil Stefano doesn’t know.  Sebastian stands and follows him, reaching for the crossbow slung on his back in case he needs to make a quieter end of any enemies in their way.

 

There are no more major obstacles as they clear the rest of the small village.  There are some men and even a few women moving around inside some of the buildings, but they are easily avoided, even when Sebastian or Stefano creeps inside to grab more matches or ammunition.

 

When they emerge on the other side of the buildings, they are almost caught in the glare from the lighthouse, which Sebastian had forgotten about completely in the heat of fighting and sneaking and thinking of things he’d like to do to Riker and Slade if he ever gets a hold of them.

 

They dive into some thick bushes to avoid the light, but as it sweeps past them and up the path ahead, Sebastian can see that they are now only a few hundred yards from a high stone wall that surrounds the building with the torches.  He points this out to Stefano, who nods, and once it is safe to move forward they get to their feet and continue down the path.

 

Sebastian breaks into a jog.  This is a wide open area that seems to be on the side of a cliff or rocky outcropping, and they have quite a bit of ground to cover if they don’t want to be exposed the next time the beacon from the lighthouse comes around.  He glances over his shoulder to check that Stefano is still with him, and they push ahead until they can squeeze through the bars of the iron gate and take shelter in the shadow of the wall itself.

 

Sebastian leans back against the wall, trying to catch his breath and wondering, not for the first time, if maybe all those cigarettes are affecting his physical fitness.  When the light sweeps by, something else catches his attention.

 

“What the hell?” he mutters, grabbing Stefano’s arm and pointing to the ground in front of them.

 

There is an enormous footprint in the dark earth beside the gate- more of a paw print than a footprint actually.  It is nearly size of a car tire, and Sebastian can’t imagine a dog or even a bear or a jungle cat that would have a paw that size.

 

“Oh my,” Stefano murmurs, leaning across Sebastian for a better look.  “I do not think we want to meet whatever it was that made that.”

 

“But what the hell kind of animal could even make that?” Sebastian hisses.  “And in a god damn graveyard of all places.”  Now that his eyes are recovering from the blinding effects of the lighthouse, he can see that they are indeed in a graveyard, and that the large stone building they have been walking toward this entire time must be a church.

 

“Folklore is full of stories about dogs in churchyards,” Stefano replies thoughtfully.

 

“Have you been talking to Zora?” Sebastian shoots back in a harsh whisper, because this sounds like exactly the kind of thing she would say.  If she’s not talking about popular literature, it’s some kind of folklore.

 

Stefano laughs.  “She is delightful, isn’t she?  But no, my parents used to warn us about the black dog, though I suspect they just wanted to deter us from playing in the cemetery at night.”

 

“Why were you-?” Sebastian begins, but cuts himself off.  “Never mind.”  He certainly has some follow-up questions for Stefano, but none of them seem as important as figuring out what exactly is in here with them. 

 

The torches burning along the walls of the building are welcoming, but if there is some sort of giant animal patrolling the churchyard, they are still much too far from the building to make a run for it.  Sebastian raises the lantern to illuminate their path and moves up against the wall of a mausoleum, peering around the edge to see if he can detect any threats.  Stefano follows closely, camera in hand, and Sebastian has a brief flash of the camaraderie he enjoys when working with Joseph, the knowledge that someone has his back if things go to shit.

 

They wait for a few seconds, but everything is quiet.  The only movement is the sweeping light in the distance and the tall grass blowing in a light breeze.  This place seems to be as overgrown as everywhere else they’ve seen so far.

 

Sebastian takes a deep breath and steps forward, ready to move to the shelter of the next row of mausoleums, when a deep, rumbling growl stops him in his tracks.  He doesn’t even have to look to know that things are about to go to shit.

 

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian nods, because that sounds a lot like what happened to him. “So what’s next?” he asks. “How do we get out of here?”
> 
> Jackson is silent.
> 
> “Jackson,” Sebastian says, voice low and dangerous. He leans in so that their faces are inches apart. “There is a way to get out of here, right?”

 

 

Sebastian doesn’t actually see the huge animal until it is bearing down on him, throwing him aside with a swing of its massive head as it gallops by.  He doesn’t even really see it then, because the lantern is immediate knocked from his hand.  He hears it shatter at his feet just as he hits the ground himself, falling hard with a grunt on one of the stone walkways between the mausoleums.

 

The fall knocks the wind out of him, and for a moment he can only gasp, ineffectually struggling to draw breath, until he rights himself, moving into a crouch, and breathing becomes a little easier.  The animal seems to have continued past him, though he can’t be sure, as the only light they have is now from the torches on the building, which is still a few hundred feet away.

 

“Stefano?” he says in a loud whisper, unsure of where Stefano is or whether he was also caught up in the animal’s charge.

 

“Right here,” Stefano is crouching down beside him, placing a hand on his back.  “Are you alright?”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian says.  “Just caught me off guard.  Did you see where it went?”

 

“Over there.”  Stefano points down one of the aisles laid between the small stone buildings.

 

“What the hell was it?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Maybe a dog or wolf of some kind?”  Stefano doesn’t sound entirely sure himself, but Sebastian is willing to bet that they’ve found the culprit who made that giant paw print by the gate.  “It looked strange though, like the men we fought outside.  Perhaps it has also been affected by the lighthouse?”

 

“Could be,” Sebastian replies, as he leans out into the aisle, straining his eyes for any sign of the dog.  He is less interested in how this thing got to be in its current condition and more interested in devising a strategy to never encounter it again.  It’s fast as hell, and with how big its feet are, it’s got to have some truly enormous teeth.  Sebastian doesn’t need to get any closer than he’s already been.

 

He is contemplating making a break for the building while the creature seems to be otherwise occupied, when the ground begins to shake, and footsteps are rapidly approaching their position.

 

“Holy shit!” Jackson yells.  “What the fuck is that thing?”  He skids to a stop a few feet in front of Sebastian and Stefano, followed closely by Riker.  They both whip around to look down the path behind them.

 

Sebastian’s hand is already on his revolver, and he is rising to his feet, taking advantage of Stefano’s moment of surprise to move on Riker unobstructed.  He levels the gun at Riker’s head, stepping out onto the path beside them, when he suddenly realizes that the ground is still shaking.  He turns abruptly in the direction Riker and Jackson are facing, and just as he feared, the dog is bearing down on them.

 

Sebastian pivots, giving up on Riker for the moment in favor of the greater threat, and trains his gun on the dog.  In his peripheral vision, he sees Riker raise a handgun as well.  He fires once, twice, even hears Riker get off a couple of shots before the beast is ten feet away and he has to leap off the path to avoid it.  The bullets seem to have had no effect, because the dog is just as fast as ever, and this time it turns abruptly and charges back at them.

 

It catches Riker with a flip of its head, tossing him off the path like a rag doll, and Sebastian is finding it so oddly satisfying to watch that he is suddenly jerked back to reality by Jackson’s hand gripping his arm and pulling him back further into the shelter of the line of mausoleums.

 

“Castellanos-” Jackson starts to say, but he freezes, because the beast is sniffing its way along the path, getting closer and closer to them.  Jackson tugs on his arm, and Sebastian is only too happy to follow him, to try to put some distance between himself and this dog that is even larger than a horse.

 

They crouch behind one of the buildings, and as the creature stalks by, Sebastian gets a better look at it.  Stefano is right; it does look wolf-like, but its tremendous size is inexplicable, and much like the men outside, it seems to be wrapped in barbed wire.  Its mouth hangs open, exposing rows of razor-sharp teeth, and it even seems to have a sort of a second mouth in the side of its neck.  This is definitely no ordinary dog.

 

Sebastian holds his breath and is sure Jackson is doing the same as the dog circles around.  It seems like an oddly purposeful maneuver, and Sebastian doesn’t understand it at first, until a breeze ruffles his hair.

 

“Shit,” he hisses to Jackson.  “It’s going to get downwind of us.”

 

No sooner has he said it than the creature passes by them on the downwind side, turns sharply toward them, and starts to thread its way between the gravestones and mausoleums.

 

“Now what?”  Jackson’s voice is an urgent whisper.

 

“I don’t fucking know!” snaps Sebastian.  It is beyond ridiculous that Jackson is asking him what to do, considering the fact that Jackson knows a lot more about the situation they are in than Sebastian does and probably a lot more than he is telling Sebastian.  The dog is getting closer.

 

“Come on,” Sebastian hisses, springing to his feet and making a break for clearer ground.  If they can make it back to the bushes by the wall, they might be able to hide for a while and draw the creature away from Stefano.

 

As soon as he bolts past the shelter of the last mausoleum though, Sebastian is nearly blinded by the white light from the lighthouse.  He staggers and tries to turn away, holding his arms up in front of his eyes.  He is afraid, afraid that in that moment he is going to change like those men outside, that he is going to kill Stefano or that Stefano will have to kill him, but his body doesn’t feel any different.

 

He can hear Jackson’s muffled swearing next to him, and suddenly the ground is slipping away, twisting right out from under his feet, and he is falling and falling.  There is a rush of air in his ears, the sensation of his stomach flipping over, an impact, and then nothing.

 

 

 

Sebastian wakes up to a smell he knows all too well- the wet, acrid burning smell that lingers in the aftermath of a structure fire.  It sinks down deep into his lungs, forces the air out of them until he is gasping, choking.  His hands scrabble uselessly on the rotten wood beneath him until he jerks himself upright and opens his eyes.

 

His surroundings are familiar, but this isn’t the time to dwell on that.  He coughs, sucks in a lungful of the vile, toxic air, and turns to see Jackson lying beside him on the floor.  Even though Jackson is supposedly in the same predicament as the rest of them, he came into this much more informed.  In fact, he was responsible for some of the events that lead to them being here, and Sebastian reaches over, grabs his shoulder, and gives him a rough shake.

 

“Hey!” Sebastian snarls.  “Wake the hell up!”

 

Jackson stirs under his hand, struggling into a sitting position and coughing a few times himself.  He opens his eyes, squinting as he takes in their new location.  “What the hell…?” he mutters, as his eyes flick up to the rotting ceiling beams above them, then down to the damp, charred floorboards, then over to the wet, degraded insulation spilling onto the floor around them.  “Where are we?”

 

“Probably in someone’s attic,” snaps Sebastian.  He knows whose attic this is, but he has just as little patience for Jackson as he has sympathy.  “And you should be the one telling me what the hell is going on.”

 

Jackson ignores his comment.  “Where are Riker and Stefano?”

 

“Look,” Sebastian snarls, “I just woke up here the same as you did, so I’ve got no fucking idea.”

 

Jackson holds up a hand, and even though Sebastian doesn’t particularly want to listen to him, he stops speaking.  They both sit quietly for a moment, but Sebastian can’t hear anyone else around them, just the gentle dripping of water leaking through a recently extinguished building.

 

“Riker?” Jackson calls out.  “Stefano?”

 

There is no answer, which doesn’t surprise Sebastian.  His impression upon waking up here was that they had somehow been transported to a completely different space, and it seems like Stefano and Riker didn’t come with them.

 

“Shit,” mutters Jackson, scrambling to his feet.  Sebastian follows.  Neither one of them can stand fully, because the sloping ceiling of the attic is only about five and a half feet high, so they duck their heads and make their way to the open trap door in the middle of the space.  A ladder leads down to the floor below, which looks equally fire-damaged.

 

Sebastian makes sure that he climbs down first, and as soon as Jackson’s feet hit the ground at the bottom of the ladder, Sebastian is on him.  He grabs two handfuls of Jackson’s shirt and slams him up against the wall next to the ladder.

 

“No more games,” Sebastian growls, keeping Jackson pinned to the wall.  “I need some answers.”

 

“Jesus, Castellanos, calm down!”  Jackson struggles against him, which is significant, because they are pretty evenly matched in height and weight.  “We need to work together if we’re going to-”

 

“Work together?”  Sebastian laughs bitterly.  “Were we working together when you drugged me?  When you put me into this mess?  What about all of those other people you put in here?  The prostitutes and the addicts and Slade’s clients?  Were you working with them too?”

 

“Look,” Jackson says, voice firm.  “I know we haven’t always been on the same side, but if we want to get out of here, we’re going to have to work together.”

 

“Out of where?” Sebastian asks, heaving an exasperated sigh.  “Where is here?”

 

“STEM,” Jackson says.  “I know it’s called STEM, and I know it’s some kind of altered reality experiment that Jimenez is running, but I don’t know much more than that.”

 

“Well that’s a start,” Sebastian says, not loosening his hold on Jackson.  “What do you mean ‘altered reality’?  You mean this-” He jerks his head at the hallway around them.  “-isn’t real?”

 

“Yes,” Jackson replies.  “I mean, no, it’s not real.  I’ve seen Jimenez’s subjects, and they never leave the tubs there at the hospital.  So all of this has to just be in our heads or something.”

 

Sebastian wants to ask Jackson how he could assist in the systematic murder of so many people, how he could work with Slade knowing what goes on at his house, how he could hold his head up in the KCPD after all that he has done, but what purpose would it serve?  As Jackson points out, their priority is now getting out of STEM alive.

 

“Why do you think we’re in here?” Sebastian asks.  “I mean, surely you and Riker weren’t supposed to be test subjects.”

 

“No, of course we weren’t,” Jackson agrees.  “And Jimenez knows better than to defy Slade, so I don’t know what the hell happened.  One second Riker and I were dropping you off in the STEM room, and the next I was in a different version of the hospital.”

 

Sebastian nods, because that sounds a lot like what happened to him.  “So what’s next?” he asks.  “How do we get out of here?”

 

Jackson is silent.

 

“Jackson,” Sebastian says, voice low and dangerous.  He leans in so that their faces are inches apart.  “There is a way to get out of here, right?”

 

Jackson swallows hard.  His eyes dart from side to side, but Sebastian doesn’t back down.

 

“I don’t know,” Jackson begins.  “But… we were carrying bodies out of Beacon just as fast as we were carrying patients in, so it doesn’t look good.”

 

To Sebastian, it sounds like they are well and truly fucked, but he presses on.  “Do you know if anyone has ever survived the experiment?”

 

Jackson shakes his head.

 

“You don’t know?” Sebastian asks.  “Or no one has survived?”

 

Jackson takes a deep breath.  “No one has survived,” he says.

 

“Shit,” Sebastian breathes.  He takes a step back and releases Jackson’s shirt, acknowledging for the moment that interrogating Jackson any further is far less important than getting their bearings, finding Stefano, and getting the hell out of here, if that is even possible.

 

It’s only when he takes his focus off of Jackson that he remembers exactly where they are, recognizes the configuration of the rooms, or what is left of the rooms, the charred remains of the furniture, the scorched decorations on the walls.  His chest seizes up, and he drops to one knee, because this is his house, this is their house, and the sight of it is almost too much for him to bear.

 

“Castellanos?  Sebastian?  You okay?”  Jackson’s voice filters into his consciousness, but even louder than that are the crackling flames, the high-pitched screams, and then silence- a deep overwhelming silence that presses down on him, forces him onto his hands and knees and squeezes the air out of his lungs.

 

His field of vision is starting to go dark around the edges, and there is a kind of static buzz rising out of the silence inside his head, growing louder and louder.  He tries to speak, tries to move, but he is frozen in place.  His vision is narrowing down to one tiny point of light, and the static in his head is building to a scream, like a thousand voices crying out at once.  It forms itself into words that play over and over in his head in a kind of garbled shriek.  _I’ll show you pain._

 

Sebastian knows pain.  Sebastian is in pain, and he is going to be overwhelmed by it when Jackson gives his shoulder a hard shake.  “Sebastian!”

 

The static calms, his vision returns to normal, and he sucks in a deep breath.  The air is still bitter, acrid in his nostrils, but the relief of being able to breathe again is so great that he almost doesn’t notice.  Jackson takes a step back, and Sebastian gets to his feet.

 

“What happened?” Jackson asks.  “What was that?”

 

“This is my house,” Sebastian says simply.  Even saying it out loud makes his heart beat faster, makes the sweat start to form at the small of his back, and he has to shove those feelings back down before they can overtake him and force him to the ground again.

 

“Oh,” Jackson says, looking a bit confused, then, “Oh,” with a look of realization.  News travels fast at KCPD, and even a relatively new hire, like Jackson, would have heard about what happened to Lily and Myra.  Hell, Kidman found out in her first week, and Jackson’s been there almost as long as her.

 

“I wonder how much influence we have over this…” Jackson says thoughtfully.  “I mean, if you can create your house, then could we be doing more to manipulate the environment?”

 

“I kind of tried that earlier,” Sebastian replies.  “It didn’t work.”  He remembers seeing Lily in the house, and how she turned into the white-robed man.  “At least, it didn’t work the way I wanted it to.  Besides, what would we do even if it did work?  Imagine ourselves being somewhere less dangerous?”

 

His hand travels to his revolver just to make sure it’s still there, and Jackson’s eyes follow.  “Are you armed?” Jackson asks.

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian says.  “I was armed when I was at Beacon, and I was armed when I woke up.”

 

“Damn,” Jackson says.  “That would be pretty useful.”

 

“Well,” Sebastian replies with a smirk, “why don’t you just imagine that you have a gun?”

 

Jackson rolls his eyes, and Sebastian strides past him, determined, against his better judgment, to explore the other rooms on this floor.

 

He opens the door to what would have been his and Myra’s room.  Their bed is just where it should be, but the mattress is burned almost to nothing, and the frame is charred black.

 

He takes a few steps into the room, but the floorboards creak and groan and sag beneath him, and he backs up quickly, bumping into Jackson.

 

“The floor’s not safe in here,” he says.  Now that he looks at it, he can actually see the floor sloping down toward the center of the room.  Everything is wet and thick with the smell of a recently extinguished fire.

 

He remembers their house like this, coming back to it days later to walk through with the insurance agent.  There was no need.  Everything was utterly destroyed, all of their possessions, his little girl, his life.  But they insisted on the walkthrough anyway, and he’ll never forget this smell, never forget the way he could still hear the water trickling through the house.

 

He turns, sidesteps Jackson, and heads back into the hall, crossing it to peek into his office.  As he suspected, there is nothing of interest, even though he would spend hours in here before the fire.  He knows now that those were hours he should have spent with his family, wants to go back in time and slap himself for being so stupid, so self-centered, so career-driven, but it’s too late.  The room is empty and he feels empty as well.

 

He doesn’t linger, but walks along the landing, heading for the only other door on this hallway.  He doesn’t want to open it, but if he’s been brought here, if he’s seeing this, surely it’s for a reason, and this would be the most important room to investigate.

 

As soon as he turns the corner and catches sight of the door, he freezes, because it is not what he was expecting at all.  The nameplate displaying Lily’s name in colorful letters and the drawings tacked to the door at the right height for a five-year-old child are there, untouched by the flames even though the door itself is charred black.  Sebastian shakes his head and heaves a sigh.  He has a feeling this isn’t going to be good, but he can’t very well not open the door now.

 

He can hear Jackson’s footsteps as he approaches as well.  He doesn’t know if Jackson can see what he is seeing, and he doesn’t care.  He has to know what’s on the other side of this door.  He reaches for the knob and grasps it, but it is blazing hot, and he jerks his hand away and jumps backward, losing his footing and staggering back onto a patch of the floor that gives way beneath him with a waterlogged groan, and he is falling again, breaking through the floor below as well.  He isn’t sure whether to be relieved that the fall isn’t very long or dismayed that he lands hard on his hands and knees on a cement floor.

 

“Fuck,” he mutters, getting to his feet and dusting himself off.  His palms and his knees are throbbing from the impact, but that doesn’t seem important right now.  He looks up to see if Jackson is still on the second floor, but there isn’t even a hole above him anymore.

 

“Fuck this place,” he growls, scanning the room around him.  It’s a faithful recreation of their basement, largely unaffected by the fire, and the metal shelves that house storage boxes and tools and other utility items seem to be intact.

 

The only light is filtering in through the small window near the ceiling, and it’s still pretty dark all around him.  Sebastian turns to his right and fumbles in one of the tool boxes until his fingers brush the smooth handle of a flashlight.  He pulls it out and switches it on.  Thankfully it works, and he pans it around the room trying to figure out what the hell he’s supposed to do now.

 

Nothing looks out of place at first.  The cement stairs leading up to the first floor are right where they should be, the storage shelves are all around him, and the door leading to the crawl space is also just as he remembers it.  He starts to head for the stairs, but movement in his peripheral vision catches his attention.

 

He jumps to face the new threat, one hand on his flashlight and one on his revolver, but realizes that it is just his own reflection in a large standing mirror in the corner of the basement.  It used to belong to Myra’s mother, and Myra was so adamant about keeping it, but they never had space for it in their bedroom.  Sebastian remembers telling her that she needed to throw a sheet or something over it so he wouldn’t spook himself every time he came down here, but she never got around to it.

 

Now he looks at his reflection, his homicide detective clothes and the basement of his old house all around him, and wonders how close he is to being the same man who lived here- the man who wasted his life on a job that would never give him the satisfaction of his family, the man who didn’t know how good he had it until it was all taken away.  Sometimes he feels like he never stopped being that man, and other times that man is a stranger.

 

Suddenly, the white-robed figure appears in the mirror beside him.  Sebastian knows better than to turn to look for him in the room.  Instead he addresses the reflection.  “Who are you?”

 

“That’s easy, Seb.”  His nickname rolls off the man’s tongue like an insult, and he bristles.  Only Myra and Joseph were allowed to call him that.  “I’m you…what you will become.”

 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Sebastian asks, mostly to stall for time.  Now that he is less taken aback by the man’s sudden appearance, he is trying to analyze his features, which is proving difficult as most of his skin is covered in scars and burns.  He doesn’t strike Sebastian as being particularly old, though from the condition of his skin it’s hard to determine his exact age.

 

The man shakes his head.  “That’s the least of your worries right now.  In fact, I’m the least of your worries right now.”

 

“And why is that?” Sebastian presses.

 

“Come here,” the man says, beckoning him to the mirror.  “I’ll show you.”

 

Sebastian steps toward the mirror.  He doesn’t trust this man, not for a second, but there is something hypnotic about the rhythmic motion of his hand, the way he shimmers like a ghost in a room that is otherwise dark.  Sebastian knows he shouldn’t do this, but he can’t stop himself.

 

When he is just a few feet away from the mirror, his reflection and the white-robed man melt away to reveal another familiar location- the party room at Slade’s house.

 

“He can’t protect you,” Riker says as he crosses the room with Stefano on his heels.  “He’ll be the first one to go once they fix the problem with the system.  He’s expendable- not like us.”

 

A look of mild interest crosses Stefano’s face, though Riker misses it as his back is turned.  “There is a problem with the system?” he asks.

 

“Well there must be,” Riker answers, opening the door into the next room.  “Otherwise you and I wouldn’t be in here now would we?”

 

Stefano doesn’t look particularly confident in Riker’s assessment of the situation, but he follows him into the next room anyway, which Sebastian realizes, much to his dismay, is the bondage room.  Stefano hovers in the doorway as Riker strides forward.

 

“Don’t get your hopes up,” Riker says as he makes a quick pass of the room.  Sebastian can’t begin to guess what he is looking for, unless Riker and Jackson have also learned to scavenge for supplies.  “I don’t have time to fuck you right now.”

 

Stefano says nothing, but Sebastian can see the subtle change in his face, the shift in his muscles from engaged to slack and expressionless.  Sebastian has seen this look before, knows that Stefano is anticipating Riker’s next move and putting up his defenses.  He stands unmoving as Riker makes a final pass of the room, though his head is still raised in what Sebastian interprets as some minor act of defiance.

 

Riker turns to him.  “Shit, Stefano, look at you,” he says, gesturing in Stefano’s direction.  “Never satisfied, are you?  Can’t get enough of me?”

 

Sebastian’s stomach turns over, and the cold feeling that he had when he was watching Riker and Stefano on Slade’s surveillance cameras is coming back.  He doesn’t want to see any more, but his feet are rooted to the ground.  His head won’t turn.  His eyes won’t close.

 

Stefano is still frozen in place, though Sebastian imagines that he can see him suppress a flinch as Riker steps in close and raises a hand to his face.  His fingers trace Stefano’s cheek, brush back his hair in a disgustingly gentle way before Riker says, “We really don’t have much time, but let me see what I can do for my little slut…”

 

With that, he grabs Stefano’s ass and lifts him up onto the counter.

 

“No!  God damn it!” Sebastian shouts, realizing that he can move again the same instant that his fist connects with the mirror.  It shatters under his hand with a sharp, biting pain and a cascade of glass.

 

Sebastian takes a step back, hands still clenched into fists, but now there is nothing to fight, nowhere to direct the rage that is forcing its way up through his throat, burning him on the inside.

 

“That’s supposed to be your job, isn’t it?”  The white-robed man’s voice echoes inside his head even though he can no longer see him.  “Protect the weak?”

 

“Stefano isn’t weak,” Sebastian says quickly, because Stefano isn’t weak.  Sebastian can’t imagine the courage and strength it takes for him to do what he does, to go back to Slade day after day, night after night, and even though he may not understand his motivations, that doesn’t affect his respect for Stefano at all.

 

“But you don’t want to see any harm come to him?” the man’s voice asks.

 

Sebastian doesn’t answer.  There is a pounding in his head, an actual audible pounding.  It’s faint and indistinct, but it’s there.

 

“You don’t want his fate left in _their_ hands?”

 

The pounding is getting louder, and now there is a muffled voice coming through as well.

 

“You want to protect him, don’t you?”

 

It’s Jackson’s voice he’s hearing, though he can’t make out his words.

 

The man’s voice is a whisper in his ear, like a fire moving through dry grass.  “Just like you were supposed to protect _her_.”

 

“Sebastian!” Jackson shouts from the other side of the basement door.  Sebastian whirls around.  The pounding and Jackson’s voice are right there on the other side of the door.

 

“Hold on!” Sebastian yells back.  “I’m coming!”

 

He looks at the broken mirror, then down at his right hand, which is dripping blood and has a large piece of glass protruding from it.  Now that he’s aware of it, it is throbbing right along with his palms and his knees.

 

He grits his teeth, takes hold of the glass, and pulls it from his hand, dropping it to the floor with the rest of the shattered mirror.  Then he sweeps his flashlight around the room one more time, but of course there is no sign of Stefano or Riker or the white-robed man, because they aren’t here.  He’s probably not even here.  Come to think of it, he isn’t even sure where ‘here’ is.

 

“Sebastian?” calls Jackson.

 

Sebastian closes his eyes and shakes his head, as though by that simple action he can clear his mind and dispel all of the illusions around him.  He doesn’t understand this STEM phenomenon.  Apparently he’s still at Beacon, and none of what he is seeing or hearing or feeling is real, but somehow this experiment is real enough to kill people, has killed every one of the subjects so far.  Thinking about the bodies they’ve found- the addicts and prostitutes and missing persons- is terrifying, and Sebastian wonders if Slade and Jimenez’s other victims spent their last moments doing exactly what he is doing right now.

 

He opens his eyes, but nothing has changed.  By all appearances he is still in his basement, in his house that was destroyed, and he is alone.  He takes a deep breath and tries to refocus.  He needs to get out of this oppressive memory of his home, and he needs to find Stefano before it’s too late… if it’s not already too late.

 

He wipes his hand on his pants, takes a firm grip on his flashlight, and jogs up the stairs to open the door.

 

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian looks at his hand again, notes the clean, even edges of the break in his skin, and tries not to think too much about the fact that he can see straight through it and out the other side. “Did you stab me?” he asks.
> 
> “Yes,” Stefano replies. “I had to.”

 

 

Sebastian can hear Jackson’s voice on the other side of the door, and when he opens it he fully expects to be standing in the front hallway of his house, or at least, the burned-out shell of his house, but when he cracks the door open, a blinding white light streams into the gap between the door and the frame.  Curious, Sebastian opens it all the way, and the light washes over him.  He closes his eyes, but they still feel like they’re burning inside his skull.  He tries to raise his arms up to protect his face, but they are pinned down by his sides.

 

Jackson’s voice has morphed into Stefano’s.  “Come back, Sebastian,” he says.  “Everything is alright.”

 

The light fades away, and Sebastian is finally able to open his eyes to find himself in the cemetery again.  He is sitting on the ground, and Stefano is crouched in front of him.  Stefano raises a hand and strokes his face as he murmurs, “I didn’t want to, Sebastian, but you left me no choice.  I’m sorry.”

 

“I’m not,” comes Riker’s gruff voice from behind him, and he attempts to twist around to face Riker but finds that Riker has an iron grip on both of his wrists.  The pain in his right hand from when he cut it on the mirror hasn’t dulled either.

 

“You can let go of him now,” Stefano says, shooting a glare at Riker.  “He’s not dangerous anymore.”

 

“Are you going to let go of him?” Riker shoots back.  “You haven’t stopped touching him this entire time.”

 

This is an argument that Sebastian definitely does not want to be in the middle of, but luckily at that moment, Riker releases his wrists and he springs to his feet, knocking Stefano over backward in the process.  He has bigger concerns though, and he spins to face Riker, pulling his revolver from the holster just as Riker draws his pistol.  They stand absolutely still for a moment, guns leveled at each other.  Sebastian is waiting for any movement on Riker’s part to justify shooting in self-defense, and apparently Riker is waiting for the same.

 

“For god’s sake,” Stefano snaps, getting to his feet beside them.  “This is not the time or the place!  Get back into the shadows before the light comes around again.”

 

Sebastian glances over Riker’s shoulder and notes that the lighthouse is still sweeping its arc around the landscape, and that they are indeed going to have to deal with it again in another thirty seconds or so.  Grudgingly, he lowers his weapon, and Riker does the same.  They both follow Stefano into the shadow of the nearest mausoleum, crowding against it to be out of the light as it passes by.

 

Sebastian leans over to whisper directly in Stefano’s ear.  “What the hell just happened?”

 

“You… turned,” Stefano whispers back after an awkward pause.  “We were separated, and the light caught you when it came-”

 

“Hey,” Riker interjects, elbowing Stefano in the ribs hard enough that Stefano lets out a rush of air.  “What are you two whispering about?”

 

“I was trying to tell him about what just happened,” Stefano replies.

 

“You went fucking crazy,” Riker says to Sebastian.  “Like one of those guys out there.”  He gestures past the gates of the cemetery.  “I wanted to put you out of your misery, but Stefano here decided to try reasoning with you, which was a fucking spectacular idea as you can see.”  He nods toward Sebastian’s right hand.

 

“I’m sorry,” Stefano says quickly with an imploring look at Sebastian.  “You were not yourself.  You attacked me.”

 

Sebastian looks at his hand again, notes the clean, even edges of the break in his skin, and tries not to think too much about the fact that he can see straight through it and out the other side.  “Did you stab me?” he asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  “I had to.”  His gaze is wary now, as though he expects Sebastian to react violently, but Sebastian is more confused than angry.

 

“That’s… that’s alright,” he says, still considering his hand.  “That’s just not how I remember it.  How long did all of this take?”

 

“Less than a minute,” Stefano replies.

 

Sebastian doesn’t know what to think about that, because it seemed like much longer to him, between his encounter with the white-robed man and going through the house with Jackson.

 

“Where’s Jackson?” he asks, realizing suddenly that Jackson doesn’t seem to be with them.

 

“He didn’t come back,” Riker says, sounding like this development is of little consequence to him.  “Was he with you?”

 

“I thought he was,” Sebastian replies.  “When we got separated, he…”  His voice trails off, because he isn’t sure how to explain what happened, but also because he has a much more pressing concern.  “Where’s the dog?”

 

“It ran off after it scattered us,” Stefano says.  “I suppose it is still around somewhere, but we haven’t seen it since then.”

 

Sebastian remembers running from it, feeling like it was right on his heels when the light from the lighthouse caught him.  But if Stefano and Riker haven’t seen it since then, it has clearly moved on to another part of the churchyard.

 

“Come on,” Sebastian says, nodding toward the church.  “Let’s try to make it to the building before it comes back.”

 

Stefano nods and takes a step toward him before Riker grabs his arm.  “Where do you think you’re going?” he asks.

 

“To the church,” Stefano replies, not making eye contact with Riker.  “You can come if you like.”

 

“Don’t you need to find your partner?” Sebastian cuts in, raising an eyebrow at Riker.

 

“Never really seen the point in having a partner,” Riker replies.  “I work alone.”

 

“Fine then, work alone,” Sebastian says, nodding to Stefano and turning on his heel to head for the church.

 

“Not if you’re going to be running off with my property,” Riker replies, and when Sebastian turns back toward him he can see a nasty smirk on his face.

 

Sebastian’s hand is on his revolver as he steps toward Riker, because even though he already knows what a disgusting thug Riker is, it’s still shocking to hear him openly refer to Stefano as property.

 

“Sebastian, no!” Stefano commands, stepping in between them.  “We will get to the church and then figure everything else out.  It is not safe to discuss these matters out here in the open.”

 

Riker elbows Stefano out of the way.  “It’s touching that you want to protect me, but I’ve never been afraid of a worthless pig, and I’m not afraid of this one.”  He turns his attention to Sebastian with a sneer.  “Let’s settle this now.”

 

Sebastian’s revolver is out of the holster and pointed at Riker’s head in an instant, because Riker is already reaching for his gun and stepping back into what Sebastian assumes is his shooting stance.  Sebastian takes the slack out of the trigger, is ready to give it the final squeeze that will rid him of Riker once and for all, when there is a blur of grey fur and a shout of surprise from Riker as the dog tackles him to the ground.

 

Sebastian’s desire to see Riker torn to shreds is overridden by his fear of drawing the beast’s attention once it has finished with Riker, and he grabs Stefano’s elbow and jerks his head toward the church.  Stefano nods, and they take off together, dashing along the stone walkways and weaving their way through headstones until they reach the massive stone doors.  Sebastian’s flashlight shows the way, and he doesn’t stop to consider how strange it is that he actually has it at this moment.

 

The doors are a couple of stories high and would clearly take more than two people to open, but there is smaller door set into one of the large ones.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says, and Sebastian infers from the urgency in his voice that the beacon from the lighthouse is coming around again.  He grabs the handle of the smaller door and gives a hard pull.  The door, which is made of stone and fairly heavy even at its smaller size, emits a groan and swings open.

 

“Go!” Sebastian says, and Stefano darts inside.  Sebastian follows him and yanks the door shut behind them.

 

The interior of the church is dimly illuminated by candles and more lanterns.  The altar, the pews, and the architecture are about what Sebastian expects to see at a church, though the style is perhaps a bit dated.  It doesn’t look like this church was built recently.  The dank, musty smell that drifts into Sebastian’s nostrils confirms this, and he wonders if there is a dirt floor somewhere in here, because it certainly smells that way.

 

Stefano turns to him.  “Do you think he’s…?”  His eye darts toward the door.

 

“I don’t know,” Sebastian replies.  “That thing is massive.”

 

Sebastian holds his breath, and they listen for a few more moments, but everything is quite outside.

 

“Are you alright?” Stefano asks suddenly.  “Your hand?”

 

“Oh,” Sebastian says, raising his hand to inspect it.  In the heat of the confrontation with Riker and trying to escape from the dog, he had forgotten about it completely.  “It’s not too bad.”

 

“Come and sit down,” Stefano gestures to the nearest pew.  “Let me look at it.”

 

As there doesn’t seem to be any immediate danger here, Sebastian follows Stefano’s instructions and takes a seat.  Stefano sits down next to him and pulls Sebastian’s hand into his lap.  He squints at it for a moment in the dim light before Sebastian offers him the flashlight.

 

“Thank you,” Stefano says as he switches it on.  He holds it in one hand as he gently probes the area around the wound with the fingers of his other hand.  The wound is still slowly leaking blood, and Sebastian catches a glimpse of Stefano’s pants through the hole before he abruptly looks away.  He handles gore and injury pretty well as long as he doesn’t think about it too much, so now is not the time for him to inspect this in any detail.  Besides, he trusts Stefano not to make this any worse, so he focuses his attention on the statues and the stained glass and anything that is not the gaping, oozing hole in his hand.

 

“Do you have any first aid supplies?” Stefano asks.

 

“No,” Sebastian answers reflexively.  He kept a portable trauma pack on his belt as a street officer, but since he became a detective he doesn’t carry that anymore.  Then he remembers something.  “Except that weird syringe we found in the house earlier.”

 

“I had almost forgotten about that,” Stefano says, still scrutinizing Sebastian’s hand.  “I’m not inclined to trust something like that in a place like this.”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian agrees, partly because Stefano is absolutely right and partly because if there is anything that makes him sweat more than the sight of the inside of his own hand, it would be needles.

 

“At least it is not bleeding heavily,” Stefano observes.  “I will wrap it for the moment.  Perhaps we will find ourselves better equipped to treat it later.”

 

Sebastian catches a flash of silver, which makes him snap his head back to look at Stefano, but Stefano is only using his knife to cut a strip from the bottom of his own shirt.  He puts the knife away then carefully wraps Sebastian’s hand in the makeshift bandage, tucking the end in to keep it secure.  It’s not a complicated procedure at all, but his movements are so steady and confident that Sebastian finds himself wondering how often Stefano has had to doctor himself or the other escorts.  Sebastian imagines that would be preferable to a visit from Jimenez at least.

 

When he is finished, Stefano raises Sebastian’s hand to his mouth and places a kiss on his knuckles.  It’s a simple gesture, but oddly thrilling to Sebastian, maybe because they are in such a harsh, unforgiving environment that even the smallest act of tenderness is significant.  It’s then that he remembers what he saw in the mirror in the basement, and even though he isn’t sure whether any of that was real, he knows Stefano hasn’t been having an easy time either and he wants to give him some of that tenderness and relief.

 

Stefano pulls back to look at him, and Sebastian reaches over and takes both of his hands, bringing them to his face so that he can kiss each palm, slowly and deliberately.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano breaths, and without a second thought, Sebastian is wrapping his arms around Stefano and pulling him close.  He briefly considers the possibility that the reason hugging Stefano always feels so spectacular is related to the drugs that he’s been on during those previous occasions, that he might be on now, but decides it doesn’t matter.  Hugging Stefano feels fantastic, and the way that Stefano breathes and sighs and presses against him, the way that Stefano’s arms are now wrapped around him as well, only makes him want to hold Stefano tighter, to stay here like this and just pretend that everything is fine and they are safe and they never have to leave.

 

Even as he has the thought, he realizes how ridiculous it is.  They may be safe here, but this world has no clear rules and seems to be full of enemies and inexplicable hazards, so staying put for any length of time is probably dangerous.  Sebastian sighs and gives Stefano one more squeeze before releasing him.

 

Stefano sits back though his hands come to rest on Sebastian’s thigh as though he doesn’t want to break contact.  “I am sorry that I cut you,” he says, looking a bit sheepish.  It’s an expression Sebastian has never seen on him before, and he almost laughs before he remembers why Stefano cut him in the first place.

 

“I’m sorry I tried to hurt you,” he replies, placing his hands over Stefano’s.  “That’s not what I remember happening at all.”

 

“What do you remember?” Stefano asks.

 

Sebastian tells him about how the light swept over him, about falling, about waking up in the attic of his burned-out house with Jackson and trying to open the door to Lily’s room and falling into the basement.  He isn’t really sure how to explain what happened down there, because Stefano is already on the alert for anything that sounds like a hallucination, so telling him about the white-robed man doesn’t seem like a good idea.

 

Instead, Sebastian skips to looking in the mirror and seeing him and Riker, though he doesn’t go into great detail about some of Riker’s more offensive comments.  “So, are you sure… did Riker do anything to you while I was gone?” he asks, because somehow what he was watching was so real even though that now seems impossible.

 

“No,” Stefano replies with a shake of his head.  “We had our hands full with you.”

 

Sebastian nods, still baffled by how he could be experiencing one thing while Stefano was experiencing something completely different.  Of course, if Jackson’s theory that they can influence this STEM system with their own memories and thoughts is correct, then all bets are off about what anyone is experiencing at any given time.  Hell, this might not even be Stefano sitting next to him.  Speaking of which…

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian begins.  “Have you ever heard of STEM before?  I mean as something that Slade or Jimenez may have talked about?”

 

Stefano looks thoughtful.  “I do believe I have heard that word before in an unusual context, but I don’t recall specifically.  Where did you hear it?”

 

“From Jackson… or Dalton,” Sebastian replies.  “It was what he called Jimenez’s experiment.  He also made some comments that maybe we had some sort of control over it- like why I saw my house earlier.”

 

Stefano nods.  “I suppose that would make sense, if it is an experiment of the mind, though I don’t feel that I have any conscious control.”

 

“Have you seen anything that was especially significant to you?” Sebastian presses.

 

“Only the camera,” Stefano replies, gesturing to his pocket.

 

“The village out there… that isn’t…?”  Sebastian gestures to the door.  He doesn’t mean to insult Stefano, but what he saw outside the churchyard is much more consistent with a European farming village than anything he’s ever seen in his life.

 

“No,” Stefano says with a laugh.  “I am from Florence.  It is quite a bit more sophisticated than what we saw outside.”

 

“Fair enough,” Sebastian replies.  “I just didn’t know if it came from one of our memories.”

 

“It would appear not,” Stefano says.  “Though I suppose it is possible that we might be subject to the influence of other people’s minds?  If Jackson could see your house, I mean.”

 

Sebastian hums noncommittally, because now that he thinks about it, he isn’t sure what Jackson was seeing or whether Jackson was even there at all.  The conversation seems to be going around in circles.

 

“So, Florence, huh?” he says, offering up a new topic.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.

 

“Were you a photographer there?”

 

“I was.”

 

Stefano is as guarded as usual with information about his own past, but he hasn’t shut Sebastian down completely yet, so Sebastian continues to explore.  “Why did you come to Krimson City?”

 

“For new artistic opportunities,” Stefano replies.

 

“Is Krimson known for its art scene?” Sebastian asks, genuinely curious, because he wouldn’t know one way or the other.

 

“No,” Stefano shakes his head.  “Krimson was supposed to be temporary, a stop on the road to other places.”

 

“And then you met Slade?” Sebastian prompts, because he is pretty sure this is where the line of conversation is going to end.

 

“And then I met Slade,” Stefano replies, the finality in his voice confirming Sebastian’s suspicions.  He leans forward, touching his head to Sebastian’s shoulder and heaving a sigh.  Sebastian lets his hands come to rest on Stefano’s waist, though his movements are cautious as Stefano seems a bit vulnerable at the moment.

 

“You okay?” Sebastian asks, because Stefano’s head is resting heavily on his shoulder as though all of the energy has gone out of him.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, his voice muffled by Sebastian’s clothes.  “Just a bit tired.”

 

Sebastian slips one of his hands around to Stefano’s back and begins to rub slow circles, feeling Stefano gradually relax into him even more.  A few minutes go by in silence before Stefano speaks.

 

“It feels nice when you do that, even without the drugs.”  Stefano sounds genuinely perplexed.  “What does that mean?”

 

Sebastian’s first reaction is to point out that there is nothing even remotely sexual about the way he is rubbing Stefano’s back right now, when he is struck by the realization that maybe this isn’t even a sexual thing.  Maybe without Slade’s drugs, Stefano doesn’t enjoy being touched at all. 

 

“Probably that your inhibitions are lowered,” Sebastian answers finally.  It stands to reason that if Stefano needs the drugs in order to enjoy sexual activities, then there is something preventing him from enjoying them the rest of the time that the drugs counteract.  Stefano has alluded to this before, and Sebastian isn’t surprised, based on what he knows about Stefano’s lifestyle, but he can’t begin to explain why Stefano is enjoying his touch now, when they are in a highly dangerous and stressful situation.

 

“My job does not allow me to have inhibitions,” Stefano replies.  Sebastian’s heart aches, because of course Stefano has inhibitions, but he apparently has not been in a position where anyone has taken them into account.  Sebastian’s hand stills as he wonders whether he too has made assumptions about what Stefano is comfortable with.

 

“Don’t stop,” Stefano says mildly, and Sebastian’s hand begins its circles again.

 

“Is there ever any pleasure in it for you?” Sebastian asks, hoping that his question doesn’t sound too insensitive.  Even though Stefano initiated the encounter at the motel room, some of his other comments suggest strongly that he doesn’t derive any enjoyment from these acts.

 

“Generally, no,” Stefano replies.  “Depending on what exactly is happening, it can be quite painful, or at best I am often indifferent to it.”

 

“What do you mean ‘indifferent’?” Sebastian asks.

 

“I suppose I may be desensitized to that sort of thing,” Stefano muses.  “Even what you might consider very intimate contact is such a common occurrence that it does not leave a strong impression, much like shaking someone’s hand.”

 

Despite his initial shock at Stefano likening sex to a handshake, Sebastian is beginning to grasp what he means.  If Stefano engages in those sorts of activities with almost everyone he meets, then Sebastian can see how they would start to lose some of their impact, how any of the physical sensations associated with them would fade into the background, how Stefano would learn to tune them out.

 

It is still a bit disconcerting for Sebastian, because as far as he is concerned, sex is about as intimate as you can be with another person, physically-speaking at least, and it distresses him to know that Stefano doesn’t attach that kind of importance to it, that what happened between them in the motel wasn’t as meaningful for Stefano as it was for him.

 

“I apologize,” Stefano says, breaking the silence, which Sebastian now realizes has been stretching on for quite a while.  “I fear I have said too much.”

 

“That’s alright,” Sebastian says, tightening his hold on Stefano.  “I’m glad to know where you’re coming from, though you should know that it’s definitely more than a handshake for me.”

 

“If you are talking about the other morning in the motel, it may have been more than that for me as well,” Stefano admits.  “I think I told you that it is rather unusual for me to have that kind of physical reaction.”

 

“Yeah, you did say that.”  Sebastian is also pretty sure that Stefano offered to explain it more another time.  “Is that because of what you just told me?”  Surely if sex is as arousing as shaking someone’s hand for Stefano, that would explain why it’s difficult for him to get hard.

 

“Yes, in part,” Stefano replies, and Sebastian can feel Stefano’s face flushing hot where it is in contact with his neck.  “Riker can sometimes induce that response, but he is generally the only one.”

 

“You’re not making it sound like that’s very enjoyable for you,” Sebastian observes, because ‘induce that response’ is about the least sensual thing he’s ever heard.

 

“It isn’t,” Stefano replies.

 

The silence hangs heavy between them, until Sebastian says, “I’m sorry.”  It doesn’t begin to express what he’s actually feeling, but it’s the only thing he can think of to say.

 

“Don’t be,” Stefano says briskly, his face still buried in Sebastian’s shoulder and neck.  “It is none of your concern.”

 

“It is if we’re going to… you know… keep doing those sorts of things,” Sebastian says.  His feelings for Stefano are still very confusing, and of course anything in that realm is being overshadowed by the urgency of their current situation, but he is filing all of this information away for later use.

 

There is another long pause before Stefano answers.  “I didn’t know if you would want to be with me again,” he says, voice barely above a whisper.

 

“I do,” Sebastian says, turning his face to press a kiss to Stefano’s hair.  “Not now, not with all of this going on, but…”  His voice trails off.  He doesn’t know whether to say ‘later’ or ‘someday’ or ‘if we make it out’, because all of those feel like empty promises when their situation is so dire.  He hasn’t told Stefano what Jackson told him about the experiment’s one hundred percent failure rate, because he isn’t sure how that will help anything, especially if this is a mental game.

 

Fortunately, Stefano seems satisfied with his answer and doesn’t ask him to clarify, but merely presses his lips to Sebastian’s neck in a gentle kiss.  “I have said it before,” he murmurs, “but you are an exceptional man.”

 

“I think your standards for exceptionality might be kind of low,” Sebastian observes, because what he has shown Stefano is basic human kindness, and the way that Stefano reacts so strongly to it is baffling to him, but this probably isn’t the time to explore that either.

 

At that moment, and seemingly out of nowhere, he remembers something else.  “Stefano,” he says, and Stefano pulls back, sits up to look at him.  “Can I see your notebook for a minute?  There’s someone else I want to ask you about.”

 

Stefano’s expression at that moment is most comparable to a deer in headlights, but he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the notebook, handing it Sebastian almost as if he is in a trance.

 

Sebastian flips to one of the sketches of Emily Lewis.  “Who is this?” he asks.

 

“Emily,” Stefano replies, shoulders sagging as all of the air leaves his lungs in a rush.

 

“How did you know her?” Sebastian asks, not bothering to tell Stefano that she’s dead, because her murder was so well publicized that everyone in town knows about it.  “Did she work for Slade?”

 

“No,” Stefano replies.  “She was an aspiring model, not an escort.”

 

“Did she model for your photography?” Sebastian presses, because that seems like the most obvious way she would have met Stefano, especially because her death pre-dates most of the people Sebastian believes are Slade’s victims.

 

Stefano hesitates for a moment, then says, “Yes, she did.”  He looks like he is about to continue, but Sebastian raises a hand, because he has heard something else.

 

Stefano stops speaking, and they wait in silence for a moment, but there it is again- the giggle of a little girl, and not just any little girl.  Lily’s laugh echoes through the otherwise quiet sanctuary, and Sebastian is on his feet immediately.  He knows that this is stupid and he is probably over-reacting.  He knows about the deceptions, the illusions this place can generate, but he can’t stop himself.  He can hear Lily and he is going to find her.

 

He takes off, dashing toward the side of the room where he last heard the giggle, but it is gone by the time he gets there.  Then he hears it on the other side of the room, and he is racing over there, freezing in place to listen carefully, but hearing only silence.

 

“Sebastian.”  There is a hard edge to Stefano’s voice.  “What on earth are you doing?”

 

“Can’t you hear her?” Sebastian snaps, because he doesn’t have time to explain this to Stefano.  Now Lily’s laughter is coming from the front of the room, closer to the altar, and Sebastian sprints up the aisle toward the sound.

 

He pauses when he gets there, holding up a hand to still Stefano, who is on his feet and following him.  The laugh sounds again, and this time it is almost like it is coming from below them.  Slowly, he steps closer to the altar until he is right behind it.  He waits, and when he hears Lily’s laugh this time it is coming from directly below him.

 

The rational part of his mind is telling him that Lily isn’t down there, that Lily is dead and nothing he can do, here or in the real world, can change that, but he can actually hear her down below him, and he’ll be damned if he is going to walk away from this.

 

“Stefano!” he says, beckoning for Stefano to approach.  “She’s down there!”

 

Stefano moves to stand next to him and places a hand on his shoulder.  “You’ve lost some blood, and I think this place is affecting you.  Perhaps we should sit down for a few more minutes.”

 

Stefano’s infuriatingly calm voice is not what Sebastian wants to hear right now, and he shakes Stefano’s hand off of him, taking a few quick steps backward to grab the edge of the rug that he was just standing on.  Stefano steps off of it as well, and Sebastian throws it back to reveal an old wooden trap door.

 

The musty smell that has permeated the whole room immediately intensifies tenfold as they stand over it, but when he hears Lily’s laugh again, it is definitely coming from the other side of this door.  Sebastian grabs the metal ring and lifts the door up.  Stefano is at his side in an instant with a lantern from one of the wall hangings, and he lowers it toward the opening until they can see that a ladder extends down into the darkness.  Sebastian can’t see anything that looks like a floor or an end to the ladder, but that’s certainly not going to stop him.

 

He already has one foot on the ladder when Stefano says, “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian replies without hesitation.  “I heard her.  I’m sure of it.”  He pauses, keeping eye contact with Stefano.  “Besides,” he adds, “do you have a better idea?”

 

“I cannot say that I feel confident about any of my ideas in this place,” Stefano replies.  “But if you are going down, then I will go with you.”

 

“Alright then,” Sebastian says, and he begins to descend into the darkness.

 

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What the hell?” Sebastian mutters. Then, at a more conversational volume, he adds, “Is this us? Is this where we actually are right now?”
> 
> “Not exactly,” comes the calm, measured voice from behind him. Both he and Stefano whirl around to see Jimenez, wearing a white lab coat. He must have just entered the room, because the swinging door behind him is still moving a little. “This is how we would be arranged during a properly conducted trial of the STEM system.”

 

 

It is deathly silent beneath the floor of the church, which makes their footsteps on the ladder seem even louder and more jarring than they would normally be.  They have been climbing down for what Sebastian estimates must be several stories, and when he looks up, even when he cranes his neck to see around Stefano, he can no longer see the light of the sanctuary through the trapdoor opening.  Sebastian isn’t sure whether that’s because of how far down they have climbed or because there is no opening back to the surface world anymore, and the fact that he can no longer hear Lily doesn’t sit well with him either.

 

He is just reaching the point where he might be willing to admit to Stefano that this whole thing was probably a trick, a ruse designed to manipulate him, when his next step is onto a stone floor.

 

“Finally,” he groans, releasing the ladder and stepping back to allow Stefano to reach the floor as well.

 

Stefano raises his lantern, and Sebastian gets out his flashlight, and with both of them combined there is enough light to see that they are in a small square room with only the ladder in the center of it and a single wooden door with a small barred window.  As disturbing as it is to see that they’ve basically climbed down into some kind of cell, Sebastian isn’t willing to give up yet, and he goes to the door and gives it a shove.

 

The door opens with a sound that suggests its hinges have seen many years of rust, but at least it does open.  Sebastian steps out into the hallway, panning his flashlight around to see that the hallway is lined with doors similar to the one they just opened.  He wonders if this is a prison of some sort, if maybe religious prisoners were kept here.  Then he realizes how ridiculous it is that he is trying to rationalize any of this when they are in an imaginary world.

 

He turns to find Stefano standing next to him.  “Does this look like any place you’ve seen before?” Sebastian asks.

 

“No,” Stefano replies.  “What about you?”

 

“Also no,” Sebastian answers, “but it looks like a prison or holding area of some kind.”

 

Stefano nods, and they begin to move down the hall.  Sebastian tries a few of the other doors at first, but they are locked, or at least irreversibly stuck, and he soon abandons the attempt and follows Stefano to a larger door at the end of the hall.  This one has no window in it, but bright light is coming through all of the cracks around the edges of the door.

 

Stefano grasps the handle and pulls the door open, and Sebastian is faced with a blindingly white room, not unlike the one that Riker and Jackson took him to back at Beacon before all of this started.  In the center of the room is a sort of glass tower, wrapped in wires and flashing lights and what looks like it might be medical equipment, and arranged in a circle around that tower are a series of bathtubs, which are connected to the tower by wires.

 

Sebastian moves a few steps closer, until he can see over the edge of the bathtub, and he nearly jumps in surprise when he recognizes Jackson’s face.  He is lying in the tub with his head propped up and seems to be asleep.

 

He takes a couple of steps to his right to look into the next tub, and there is Riker, looking much more peaceful than Sebastian has ever seen him, eyes closed and face relaxed.  Sebastian moves on to the next tub, and finds himself looking at his own body, wearing the clothes he was wearing when he came to Beacon.  It is incredibly surreal to stand there looking down at himself, and he quickly moves on to the next tub, where he sees Stefano lying in his hospital gown.

 

The real Stefano, or at least, the Stefano who has been navigating this strange world with him, seems more preoccupied with the final tub, and when Sebastian reaches it, he can see why, because Jimenez is in that one.

 

“What the hell?” Sebastian mutters.  Then, at a more conversational volume, he adds, “Is this us?  Is this where we actually are right now?”

 

“Not exactly,” comes the calm, measured voice from behind him.  Both he and Stefano whirl around to see Jimenez, wearing a white lab coat.  He must have just entered the room, because the swinging door behind him is still moving a little.  “This is how we would be arranged during a properly conducted trial of the STEM system.”

 

“What the hell is the STEM system?” Sebastian asks, slowly advancing on Jimenez, because now he has someone in front of him who can actually answer most of his major questions, and he is more than ready for some answers.

 

“Based on the situation we are in, I see no point in withholding information from you,” Jimenez says.  “STEM is a revolutionary system I have been developing, one that will change the way we view and treat mental illness-”

 

Jimenez stops speaking abruptly when the lights begin to flash off and on, and all three of them look up at the ceiling.  Within a few seconds, the lights are back on again and holding steady, though Jimenez still looks distinctly suspicious.

 

“Well, it sounds like you’ve already changed the lives of a couple dozen people,” Sebastian says, the sarcasm heavy in his voice, because Jimenez is talking like he’s curing cancer or something when what he’s actually doing is sustaining the kidnapping and murder of unsuspecting citizens in the name of his research.

 

Jimenez sighs.  “The scope of the experiment is much greater than you realize.  We do not obtain all of our subjects from Krimson City.”

 

“Holy shit,” Sebastian breathes, because he didn’t even consider the possibility that they are transporting subjects in from other locations.  There could be hundreds or thousands of people involved, and his mind is reeling with what that would mean about how powerful whoever is backing this whole operation is.  He glances at Stefano, who seems paler than usual, but he only makes brief eye contact and then looks away.

 

“Now if you will let me explain,” Jimenez continues, “STEM involves the synchronization of brain waves to create a system of interconnected minds.  In a typical trial of the experiment, we would place subjects into the STEM tubs, five or six at a time, and physically insert an electrode to achieve synchronization.”

 

Jimenez waves a hand in the direction of the machine and the tubs, and Sebastian takes another look at Jimenez’s body in the tub to see that there is indeed a coil of wires protruding from the back of his head and running back to the glass tower in the center of the room.  Every tub seems to be similarly outfitted.

 

“And then what happens?” Sebastian prompts.

 

“Until recently I could not be sure,” Jimenez replies, “because I was not able to make any measurement of the subjective experience of the participants.”  Sebastian snorts, because ‘participants’ seems like a very generous term to use for the people Jimenez has been putting into his science project.

 

Jimenez continues as though he hasn’t heard.  “I was only able to monitor the brain waves of those in STEM.  Or at least, I was able to monitor their brain waves for as long as their physical bodies remained alive.”

 

“So people die in here?” Sebastian presses.  He knows what Jackson said, but it’s hard to believe that no one else seems to be upset about the fact that all of the experimental subjects are dying.

 

“Yes, being in the system over a period of time seems to put a lot of stress on the subjects’ brains,” Jimenez answers.  “In the beginning, their brain waves are consistent with normal brain activity, but the longer they are exposed to the system, the more they seem to deteriorate, until eventually most of them are catatonic or dead.”  Jimenez’s deliver is matter of fact, as though he is discussing the weather, and Sebastian begins to wonder if he isn’t even worse than Riker and Slade.

 

“So tell me how this experiment is not just a gigantic failure?” Sebastian asks, maybe a little more sarcastically than necessary.  He glances over at Stefano, hoping for some support, but Stefano is now even paler than he was before, and he is bent over slightly, gripping the edge of the tub.  Sebastian reaches out and puts a hand on his arm.  “Are you all right?  Do you need to sit down?”

 

Stefano nods, and Sebastian glares at Jimenez, who exits through the swinging doors and returns within seconds pushing a rolling desk chair.  Sebastian takes Stefano’s arm and helps him over to it, easing him down into a sitting position.

 

“Can you give us a minute?” he asks Jimenez, who nods and crosses the room to the bathtub set-up.

 

Sebastian takes a quick look over to make sure that Jimenez is absorbed with looking at the bodies in the tubs before he kneels down in front of Stefano, placing his hands on Stefano’s knees.  “What’s going on?” he asks, as he searches Stefano’s face for an answer.

 

Stefano looks very pale, his features are drawn as though he is in pain, and his breathing seems to be somewhat labored.  “I am alright, Sebastian,” he says through gritted teeth.  “Just a bit tired.”

 

“That’s bullshit,” Sebastian mutters, shooting another furtive glance in Jimenez’s direction, though he doesn’t seem to be paying attention.  “I know you well enough to know what tired looks like, and this isn’t it.  What’s hurting you?”

 

Stefano sighs, allowing his shoulders to slump.  His hands come to rest on top of Sebastian’s.  “I suspect it is the same injuries I had from before, though I am not certain why they would affect me in this world.  Perhaps it is all in my head.”  He gives a weak smile.

 

Sebastian gives Stefano’s legs a squeeze that he hopes is reassuring.  “Just let me finish asking Jimenez some questions and then I’m going to find you somewhere to lie down,” he promises.

 

“Not in a bathtub,” Stefano murmurs.

 

“Agreed,” Sebastian replies.  “No bathtubs.”  He rises to his feet and walks over to where Jimenez seems to be considering the computer monitor behind Jackson’s tub.  He doesn’t speak yet, but Jimenez must hear him approaching.

 

“Some unusual brain wave activity here,” Jimenez says, gesturing to the monitor.  “This is often what we see before someone becomes catatonic or dies.”

 

“So if the body dies, does the person stop existing inside STEM?” Sebastian asks.

 

“That is a very interesting question,” Jimenez replies, turning from the monitor to face Sebastian.  “Until recently, I had believed that the answer was yes, but now I must amend that answer, because based on what I have seen thus far, it is clearly not the case.”

 

“What do you mean?” Sebastian asks.

 

“I mean that I have seen echoes of those who died in STEM, residual memories if you will.  They are not quite the same as someone who has a full human consciousness, but they retain some of the qualities they possessed when they were alive,” Jimenez says.  “And this explains how the physical and mental landscape of STEM continues to grow.  If no one’s consciousness fully leaves, then the world only increases in size and complexity with every person who is added.  It’s fascinating really.”

 

Sebastian simply stares at him.  He is aware that his mouth is probably hanging open, but he is so shocked at the callousness of Jimenez’s explanation, the idea that the world around them here in STEM is created by and populated by ghosts, that he isn’t exactly sure how to respond.

 

He swallows hard and collects his thoughts.  “So you finally decided to get in here an experience it for yourself?” he asks Jimenez.

 

“That’s just it,” Jimenez answers.  “I didn’t.  I wasn’t given that option.”  Sebastian snorts in laughter, because of course none of the prostitutes or the drug addicts or Slade’s clients was give the option not to participate in the experiment either.

 

“Remember when I told you that this was the way the system would work during a properly-conducted STEM trial?” Jimenez asks, gesturing to the machines and tubs around them.

 

“Yes,” Sebastian replies cautiously, unsure of what he is being led into.

 

“Well, the reason I am in here, and the reason that Riker and Jackson and Stefano are here as well, is that this was not a planned STEM trial.”

 

“Wait,” Sebastian cuts in.  “What do you mean?  Weren’t you preparing me for the experiment?  Isn’t that why Jackson drugged me?”

 

“Yes,” Jimenez replies.  “We were preparing to run a trial with you and some of the others collected from Slade’s house, but we never got to the point of turning on the STEM system ourselves.”

 

“Can it turn on by itself?” Sebastian asks, because it is very unclear to him where Jimenez is going with this.

 

“It shouldn’t be able to,” Jimenez replies.  “And, in fact, the wired system cannot be activated without an outside operator.”

 

Clearly Jimenez wants him to ask another question, but Sebastian simply waits until Jimenez continues speaking.

 

“As you may have ascertained, I am the one who developed the STEM system in the first place.”

 

The lights flicker violently before they go out and stay out, plunging the room into darkness, except for the lantern beside Stefano’s chair.

 

“Stefano?  You okay?” Sebastian calls.

 

“Yes,” Stefano calls back, still sounding weak and tired.

 

“What the hell is this?” asks Sebastian.  He turns his attention back to Jimenez, taking out his flashlight and turning it on so that they can at least see each other a little bit.

 

“Oh dear,” Jimenez replies.  “I suppose I’ll have to explain this too.  You see, when I was developing STEM, I was aided in my research by a colleague, a young man by the name of Ruben Victoriano.”

 

“Doc, I don’t need a lecture on the history of STEM, okay?” Sebastian interjects.  “Just tell me why the hell the lights just went out.”

 

“I am coming to that,” replies Jimenez.  “Ruben was very intelligent, very scientifically gifted, but not very diplomatic.  He was uniquely qualified to develop the STEM equipment and process, but thoroughly unable to promote it to those who might find it useful, which is where I came in.”

 

Sebastian experiences a fleeting wish for a chair of his own, because it sounds like Jimenez is starting a long story.  Sebastian doesn’t really have the patience for that, but he also is not confident enough in his grasp of their situation to reject any new information.

 

“I first met Ruben when he was a young man, just a child really,” Jimenez continues.  “He had a great interest in science even then, but he was troubled.  He actually began work on the STEM system in hopes that it would allow him to make contact with his sister, who was in a comatose condition.  That is all STEM was for him, a way of reaching out to someone who had fallen beyond his grasp, but I saw it as so much more.”

 

Sebastian gives a derisive snort, because Jimenez has yet to impress him with any of his ‘scientific achievements’ and most of them are downright alarming.

 

Jimenez ignores him.  “So I began to conduct further research.  I built the STEM system at Beacon based on Ruben’s designs, and Ruben himself was helping me before we parted ways.”

 

“Why didn’t you continue working together?” Sebastian asks, because it sounds like Jimenez is hedging some of the information about the end of his working relationship with Ruben.

 

“Ruben did not like the direction the research was taking,” Jimenez replies.  “His vision was sharp and compelling, but limited in scope, and he didn’t see the possibilities for STEM that I saw.  He didn’t want it marketed as a tool for the psychiatric world, and when I went over his head and found a buyer, he became enraged and abandoned the project…”

 

Jimenez’s voice trails off, and Sebastian waits.

 

“However, as I told you, Ruben had a unique intellect, and as the developer of the system, he made some adjustments that, to this day I have not been able to counteract.  Ruben left a bit of himself in STEM, and that entity, which we call Ruvik, seems to have an inordinate amount of influence over this world.”

 

“What kind of influence?” Sebastian asks.

 

“He can certainly control what we perceive,” Jimenez says, “what we see and hear and feel, and I expect he can influence our behavior to some degree.  I am also fairly certain that it is his fault that we are all in here in the first place.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Remember when I told you about how we start a proper trial of the wired STEM system?” Jimenez asks.  Sebastian nods.  “Well, there is also a wireless component to STEM.  That’s one of the adjustments Ruben was making just before he left the project.  I now suspect that he was more successful in that regard then I ever realized.”

 

“So how would that even work?” Sebastian asks.  “What would happen if the trial was started using the wireless system?”

 

“Then anyone within range of the wireless signal at the time would have been pulled into the system,” Jimenez explains.  “The signal broadcasts a high-pitched tone, which triggers the subjects’ brain waves to synchronize at the desired frequency.”

 

“And you think Ruben… or Ruvik transmitted the signal from inside the system?”  Sebastian’s mind is racing, because he does remember hearing a high-pitched tone after Riker and Jackson deposited him in the white room at Beacon, just before everything went to hell.  If that tone was the STEM system starting up, it would explain some things.

 

“Yes,” Jimenez replies.  “I can think of no other explanation.  No one else-”

 

“Wait a minute,” Sebastian interjects.  “What does Ruvik look like?”

 

“He was very badly burned when he was a child,” Jimenez explains, “so he is heavily scarred.”

 

“Does he wear a white robe with a hood?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Jimenez replies.  “That does sound like him.”  Even in the light of the flashlight, Jimenez’s face appears to grow a few shades paler.  “You’ve seen him?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian answers.

 

“Oh dear,” Jimenez says, shaking his head.  “I had thought that the reason I saw him was because he has a particular reason to be angry with me, but if he is appearing to you as well, that gives me very little hope for our continued survival.  I am afraid he may have made it his mission to torment those in STEM, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he is involved in the deaths of so many of our research subjects.”

 

“Oh, that’s another thing I meant to ask you about,” Sebastian says.  “What happens if you die here in the STEM world?”

 

“This is my first time on the inside thanks to Ruvik,” Jimenez points out, “but based on what I have seen thus far and what I have observed watching the brain waves of experimental subjects from the outside, it would appear that trauma and death in STEM contribute to the destabilization and eventual breakdown of the subjects’ brain waves.  In other words, sufficient trauma in this world would lead to brain death in the real world, or in rare cases the induction of a catatonic state.”

 

“Shit,” groans Sebastian, because this world is fraught with danger, and he is dismayed to hear that the penalty for mistakes is so steep.  He and Stefano are going to have to be very careful in order to have any chance of getting out of this.

 

“Doc,” Sebastian begins, even though he is afraid Jimenez won’t be able to answer this question any more than Jackson was, “how do we get out?  How do we get back to the real world?”

 

“I am afraid I don’t know,” Jimenez answers.  “None of the subjects has ever returned, and with Ruvik in control our prospects are very bleak indeed.  I think it is very unlikely that we can escape from inside, except perhaps by some tremendous, mind-altering event, the sort of thing that would cause one’s brain waves to de-synchronize from the rest of the system.”

 

“So this Ruvik entity is the key to everything?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Undoubtedly,” Jimenez replies.  “The more that I see here in STEM, the more convinced I become that he is orchestrating everything.”

 

“Can you tell me anything else about him?” Sebastian asks.  “Anything that might help me?”

 

Jimenez seems to be lost in thought for a moment before he replies, “He is terrified of fire.  He and his sister were trapped in a burning building when he was very young.  Aside from that, just be cautious.  He is more powerful in this world than you can imagine.”

 

Sebastian doesn’t fully understand, but he isn’t sure that he wants to either.  Every piece of information he gathers is more and more disheartening, and he has to keep reminding himself that this entire situation is almost one hundred percent mental.  He cannot give up.  He cannot doubt himself.  To do so is to give up power to the world around them.

 

Sebastian is sure that there is more he should know, and he fumbles for another question.  “What about the drug Slade distributes?” he asks finally.  “What role does it have in all of this?”

 

“Ah,” Jimenez replies, sounding proud of himself.  “The drug was my own addition to this process.  It facilitates induction of the subject’s consciousness into STEM.  You see, in the early STEM trials, the alteration in brain waves to bring them in line with the STEM frequency was quite jarring, and some subjects’ brain waves never stabilized at all.  The drug eases that transition.  It prepares the brain to accept the STEM frequency, and our rate of successfully introducing subjects into STEM improved dramatically once we started using it.”

 

Sebastian is about to comment that maybe they should have put some thought into how the subjects could be removed from STEM before they started calling this experiment a success, but decides that’s probably not a productive thing to say at the moment.

 

“So I was injected with some of that before we entered STEM?” Sebastian asks.

 

Jimenez nods.  “And Stefano was on a heavy dose of pain medication which has some very similar properties.”

 

“But you and Riker and Jackson…?”

 

“Were completely unprepared,” Jimenez finishes for him.  “Yes, though it is difficult to determine what the effects of that have been as STEM is such an individualized experience.  All the same, I think it is safe to say that we are all in grave danger.”

 

Sebastian almost rolls his eyes, both because that’s an awfully dramatic statement and because he certainly didn’t need Jimenez to point out that particular fact to him.

 

“I cannot be sure about the condition of any of our physical bodies at the moment,” Jimenez continues.  “In fact, that is something I need to caution you about.”  His voice gets lower, and he nods in Stefano’s direction.

 

“Your companion is in very poor condition in the real world,” he continues.  “When he came to my hospital, he was suffering from catastrophic internal bleeding, and there was frankly nothing I could do for him but make him comfortable.”  He shakes his head.  “I’ve known Stefano for a few years, and I’ve patched him up many times after Riker got a little too rough with him, but this was like nothing I’d seen before.”

 

Sebastian is actually shaking in anger, fists clenched at his sides, because here is someone else who could have done something, who could have helped Stefano, but who simply buried his head in the sand or took a bribe from Slade.  He wants to demand that Jimenez explain himself, or better yet, he wants to take him by the throat and choke the answer out of him, but he doesn’t want to attract Stefano’s attention, and he is confident that, like Slade and apparently someone at KCPD, Jimenez is aware of just how much of a heartless bastard he is, but is receiving a paycheck large enough that he can still sleep at night.

 

He takes deep breath to collect himself, unclenches his hands, and quietly asks, “What does that mean for us in here?”

 

“It means that you should distance yourself from Stefano,” Jimenez says, his voice cold.

 

“Not going to happen,” Sebastian mutters.  “Try again.”

 

“Then you will need to be very careful,” Jimenez explains.  “When his physical body has died, he will not be the same person anymore.  He will not be bound by the limitations of his mind, but he will also lose much of his humanity.  He may even become a threat to you.”

 

“And there’s nothing I can do to stop this?” Sebastian asks, his voice still lowered as he casts a sidelong glance at Stefano, who appears to be dozing in the chair.

 

“No,” Jimenez replies.  “Not unless you can somehow figure out how to get out of STEM, get him out of STEM, and get him to a hospital before it’s too late.  Otherwise I am afraid it is quite inevitable.”

 

There is a cold feeling in Sebastian’s stomach spreading up into his chest as he asks, “Is there any way to tell for sure if he’s…?”

 

Jimenez shakes his head.  “No,” he replies, “but if you do not share this information with him, if you allow him to believe that his physical body is still intact, then he may be himself a bit longer.  The mind does gravitate toward what is familiar after all.  I would expect that force of habit will keep his behavior much the same until his consciousness has been detached from his physical body for some time.”

 

“Fuck,” groans Sebastian, allowing his shoulders to slump.  Stefano’s physical body is dying in his hospital bed in Beacon while Sebastian is stuck in this alternate world unable to do anything about it.  His chest aches at the realization that even if he does make it out of here, he is going to be too late.  He is always too late.

 

“You should not concern yourself with him,” Jimenez tries again.  “You will have your hands full seeing to your own survival.”

 

“Fuck you,” growls Sebastian, turning away.

 

“My apologies,” Jimenez says mildly from behind Sebastian.  “I can see that he is important to you.  If you wish, there a couch in the next room… or at least, there was a couch the last time I was in there.  You might help him lie down until he is feeling stronger.”

 

“I’ll do that,” Sebastian shoots back, relieved that Jimenez is finally suggesting something useful, but far from ready to forgive him for how he has treated Stefano.  He makes his way back to Stefano by the beam of his flashlight, leaving Jimenez in the dark.  As far as Sebastian is concerned, he can find his own way.

 

He reaches the chair and places a hand on Stefano’s shoulder.  “Hey,” he says quietly.  “Are you doing okay?”

 

Stefano’s head snaps up.  “Yes,” he replies, though his voice sounds strained.  “Just a little tired.”

 

“Jimenez says there’s a couch in the other room,” Sebastian says, gesturing to the swinging doors that Jimenez originally emerged from.  “Do you want to lie down?”

 

“Will you come with me?” Stefano asks.

 

“Of course,” Sebastian replies, giving Stefano’s shoulder a squeeze.  “Hold on.”  He takes hold of the back of Stefano’s chair and pushes him up to the doors, spinning the chair so that he can back through them, pulling Stefano behind him.

 

The next room looks something like what Sebastian imagines a psychiatrist’s office would look like, though perhaps on a grander scale.  There is a large couch against one wall, and Sebastian wheels Stefano over to it.

 

“Thank you,” Stefano says, transferring himself from the chair to the couch and curling up on his side with his eye closed.  He looks so small for a moment, so lost, that Sebastian has to remind himself that this is the same man who has been out there stabbing their enemies in the brain.

 

Ruvik’s voice echoes in his head.  _That’s supposed to be your job, isn’t it?  Protect the weak?_   Stefano isn’t weak, but Sebastian does want to protect him.  Tentatively, he reaches out to place a hand on Stefano’s knee.

 

Stefano’s eye opens.  His expression is puzzled, and Sebastian suddenly remembers what he said in the church.  “Is this okay?” he asks, unsure how Stefano will feel about being touched right now.

 

“Yes,” Stefano murmurs.  “I will be alright soon if you will allow me a few minutes to collect myself.”

 

“Of course,” Sebastian replies.  “Take as long as you need.”  He knows they can’t rest here indefinitely.  For Stefano’s sake especially, they need to keep moving, need to find a way to get closer to Ruvik, to somehow disable or deceive him or break free of his grasp on their minds.  But Stefano is curled in on himself, breathing shallowly, and Sebastian can only imagine that he is in terrible pain, and he isn’t going to force him to keep moving forward when he’s like this.

 

“May I request something of you?” Stefano asks.

 

“Yes,” Sebastian replies.  “Anything.”

 

“Lie down with me?” Stefano looks cautiously hopeful, and Sebastian is overwhelmed with the urge to hold him.  Fortunately, he is about to do just that.

 

The couch is wide enough for both of them, and he slips in behind Stefano and wraps his arms around him, taking care not to press anywhere that might be painful or sore.  He can feel Stefano relax back against him, can smell Myra’s shampoo in Stefano’s hair.

 

He doesn’t sleep.  He can’t sleep, but at least his racing mind calms for a while as he focuses on Stefano’s warmth and his breathing.  He tries to enjoy the peaceful moment, not to overanalyze, not to wonder whether the breathing he is feeling is real or only an echo in STEM.

 

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sebastian.” It brings him to a stop immediately, because this isn’t even Stefano’s normal speaking voice. This is the voice he used to warn Sebastian at Slade’s right before Jimenez took him to Beacon. This is the voice he uses when he is actually afraid.
> 
> “What?” Sebastian whispers, but in the moment of stillness, he can already tell what. There are heavy footsteps sounding from somewhere up ahead.

 

 

Sebastian feels like about half an hour has passed when Stefano stirs next to him.  It’s hard to be sure though, and he doesn’t know if time passes in STEM at the same rate that it does in the real world.  What he does know is that Stefano is warm and relaxed in his arms and rolling over to bury his face in Sebastian’s neck.

 

“Feeling better?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Mmmmhmmmm,” hums Stefano, his lips moving lazily over Sebastian’s skin.

 

“Whoa there,” Sebastian says, taking him by the shoulders.  “Not that I don’t enjoy that, but this really isn’t the time or the place.”

 

“If we really are in so much danger,” Stefano responds, planting a kiss just under Sebastian’s jaw, “then this seems like the perfect time and place.”

 

Sebastian can feel his heart accelerating, can feel his own breath catching in his throat as Stefano’s mouth teases his skin.  “While I do see your point,” he says, fighting to get his body back under control, “Jimenez may or may not be in the next room, and it seems like our best chance of survival is to keep moving and find a way to confront this Ruvik.”  He pauses, for a moment, wondering how much about Ruvik Stefano actually heard.  “Were you awake for any of that?”

 

“I believe I got the gist,” Stefano replies, now nuzzling at Sebastian’s bearded cheek.  “And if you wish to keep moving, I will accompany you, but you will owe me.”

 

Sebastian laughs, cautiously pulling Stefano closer to him.  When Stefano doesn’t react with any signs of pain, he holds him tighter, leaning down to kiss his forehead.  “Fair enough,” he replies.  “Are you strong enough to keep going?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano says.  “I feel quite rested.”  As if to prove this, he wiggles his way out of Sebastian’s arms and gets to his feet.  By all appearances, he is back to normal, and Sebastian is left wondering whether this means that Stefano’s physical body is stable for the time being, that Stefano has enough mental control to overcome any damage that is occurring, or that Stefano’s mind has separated from his body completely.  He shudders at that thought, but he can’t do anything about it at the moment.

 

Sebastian gets to his feet as well, and while Stefano is straightening his clothes, he goes to the swinging doors to see if Jimenez is still in the next room, but finds that they won’t open now.  They won’t even budge when he pushes on them with all his strength.  It is puzzling, but so are many of the things that have happened here in STEM, and Sebastian takes it in stride and changes his focus to making a pass of Jimenez’s office searching for weapons and supplies.

 

He a crossbow bolt that looks different from the ones he already has, another mysterious syringe, and several diagrams of what must be the STEM system.  The first two items he is certainly going to take with him.  He may not know how they work at the moment, but he hopes to determine their use at some point.  He is less sure of whether the diagrams will ever come in useful, but he folds them up and tucks them into his pocket just in case.

 

By that time Stefano has taken up the lantern again, and the two of them meet at the only other door in the room, a heavy metal panel that is standing open a few inches.  Sebastian grabs it and pulls it open the rest of the way, revealing a long dark hallway that seems to extend beyond the reach of both Stefano’s lantern and Sebastian’s flashlight.

 

It’s not as though they have any other options, and Sebastian heads down the hall, moving slowly and cautiously, with Stefano following closely behind him.  Sebastian is on alert, checking in front of them and behind them as they move down the hallway, because it is suspiciously quiet here.  He is just about to comment on this to Stefano when there is a loud metallic snap and a shooting pain in his right ankle.

 

“Fuck!” he yelps, dropping his flashlight as he falls to one knee and begins fumbling on the ground around his ankle.  There is something metal there, and the pain is exploding in his leg.  When Stefano crouches down beside him with the lantern he can see that there is an actual god damn bear trap on his leg.

 

“What the fuck is this shit?” Sebastian snarls.  He shoves his hands between the jaws of the trap in an attempt to pry it open, but only succeeds in cutting his fingers on the sharp blades.

 

“Stop,” Stefano commands him, reaching for the trap himself.  “Hold still.”

 

Sebastian is having a hard time complying because this really fucking hurts, and it feels like the trap is biting right down to the bone of his leg, but he forces himself to wait, not to move while Stefano slides his hands down the outer edges of the trap.  There is another metallic sound, and the jaws begin to loosen around him.

 

“There,” Stefano says, as the trap is returned to the fully open position.  “Move your leg now.”

 

Sebastian pulls his throbbing leg away from the trap, and scoots back against the wall.  He is almost afraid to pull up his pant leg, but he does it anyway, and it is about as bad as he expected.  There are deep wounds on both sides of his leg, and he is bleeding profusely.

 

“Oh, Sebastian,” Stefano murmurs as he moves closer, leans over Sebastian’s leg to get a better look.  Stopping the bleeding is obviously the first concern, and Stefano seems to be on the same page, because he is already cutting a strip of material from Sebastian’s damaged pant leg and wrapping it around the wounded area, applying pressure to the wound.  Sebastian hisses in discomfort, but Stefano’s hands stay firm.

 

“Who puts a fucking bear trap in the middle of the hallway anyway?” he asks.

 

“Someone who doesn’t want visitors,” Stefano replies.  He frowns at Sebastian’s leg, and Sebastian can immediately see why.  Even with the direct pressure, blood is still soaking through the fabric, and it shows no signs of stopping.

 

“Shit,” Sebastian mutters, because short of finding some hemostatic gauze or a tourniquet, all they can do is keep putting more layers of bandage on the wound and hope it eventually stops bleeding, and even then, it’s probably just going to open up the moment he starts walking around again.  Sebastian is beginning to think that there is no good option here, when he remembers that there is one more possibility.

 

“Stefano,” he grunts.  “Grab one of those syringes from my pocket.”

 

“What?” Stefano replies.  “Are you sure that’s wise?”

 

“No,” Sebastian replies, “but if I’m going to bleed out right here, I’d at least like to be able to say that I tried everything.”

 

“Very well,” Stefano says, sounding skeptical.  He releases the pressure on the wound and slips a hand into Sebastian’s pocket, retrieving one of the syringes.  It is an old-fashioned looking metal contraption with two needles and two tubes of fluid, one a bright green and the other a vibrant blue.  It certainly doesn’t look like anything Sebastian wants near him, but he is effectively out of options.

 

Stefano uncaps it, then fixes Sebastian with a hard look.

 

“Just do it,” Sebastian snaps, turning his head away.  He is feeling dizzy, though he can’t be sure whether it’s from blood loss or the sight of the needles.  He feels Stefano roll up his sleeve, feels the sting of the needles piercing his upper arm, then feels a sudden rush of warmth that seems to be centered on his injured ankle.

 

He blows out a long breath, relief washing over him as the pain ebbs away.  Stefano slips the needles out his arm and Sebastian turns his head back to find Stefano staring intently at him.  “I think it’s helping,” Sebastian says, and Stefano appears to breathe a sigh of relief as well.

 

Sebastian removes the remains of his pant leg from the affected area and is shocked to see that, aside from a lot of dried blood on his leg, there seems to be no damage at all.  The wound has completely closed.  “Holy shit,” he breathes.  “We should probably keep our eyes out for more of those.”  He gestures at the syringe in Stefano’s hand.

 

“Indeed,” Stefano replies.  He narrows his eye at Sebastian.  “You don’t feel strange at all?”

 

“No,” Sebastian says, because the only thing he is aware of feeling is the complete absence of pain in his leg… and in his hand for that matter.  He tears the bandage off, and his hand also appears to be completely healed.  “That’s pretty amazing.”

 

“Just be careful,” Stefano advises.  “I do not entirely trust anything we find lying around here.”

 

“That’s a fair point,” Sebastian replies.  “But I’ve still got one of them, and if one of us gets seriously injured again we may need it.”

 

Stefano nods in agreement and stands up, offering his hand to Sebastian.  Sebastian grasps it, and Stefano helps to pull him to his feet.  The first thing Sebastian does is to locate the bear trap, because he is sure as hell not stepping in it again.

 

He aims his flashlight down at the floor ahead of him, and damned if there aren’t a couple more traps visible on the floor directly in their path.

 

“Fuck,” Sebastian groans.  “Looks like somebody wants to slow us down.”

 

“Or make us suffer,” Stefano muses, crouching down to disarm the trap with a loud click.  He moves on to the next one as Sebastian shines the light on it for him.  “This Ruvik character- did Jimenez explain what his motivations are?”

 

“Not very well,” Sebastian replies, as they go to the next trap.  “Do you want me to handle some of those?” he interjects.

 

“No,” Stefano says with a quick shake of his head.  “Not the way you handled the first one at least.”

 

Sebastian is about to protest that Stefano’s being a little unfair since neither one of them was aware of the traps when he stepped in the first one, but Stefano is so skillful at disarming them that maybe it’s a better idea if he just keeps doing it.  He turns his attention back to Stefano’s question.

 

“Jimenez made it sound like Ruvik is sort of a ghost in the system.  I’m not sure if there’s enough of his consciousness left for him to have motivations, but Jimenez made it sound like he was using his control over the STEM environment to torment the STEM test subjects, that maybe that’s why so many of them are dying so quickly.”

 

“Well, perhaps he ultimately wants us dead,” Stefano offers, “but it seems that he wants us to suffer in the meantime.  These traps are awfully cruel, and there are much more effective ways to kill someone.”

 

Once Stefano has disarmed the last trap they can see, Sebastian pans his flashlight over the floor ahead of them, but sees no other obstructions.  “I’m going to stay focused on the floor,” Sebastian says.  “Let me know if I miss anything up higher.”

 

“Very well,” Stefano replies, and they continue down the hallway.

 

Sebastian is thoroughly focused on looking out for bear traps, when Stefano’s voice breaks into his consciousness.

 

“Sebastian.”  It brings him to a stop immediately, because this isn’t even Stefano’s normal speaking voice.  This is the voice he used to warn Sebastian at Slade’s right before Jimenez took him to Beacon.  This is the voice he uses when he is actually afraid.

 

“What?” Sebastian whispers, but in the moment of stillness, he can already tell what.  There are heavy footsteps sounding from somewhere up ahead.

 

Sebastian’s first thought is of Riker before he realizes how ridiculous that is.  Riker might be a big guy, but the passage they are in has cinderblock walls and a concrete floor, and even Riker isn’t big enough to make that kind of noise down here.

 

He feels, rather than hears, Stefano move in close behind him, because he is so focused on the footsteps.  “Turn your light off,” Stefano whispers.  Sebastian obeys, and Stefano dims the lantern, and now they can detect a faint red light farther down the hall.  It appears to be at an intersection of two passageways, which is interesting, because it’s the first intersection they’ve encountered since they’ve been down here, and Sebastian estimates they’ve walked almost a half mile.  He strains his eyes, searching for any sign of movement as the footsteps get louder, closer.

 

Just when the anticipation is becoming unbearable, the creature lumbers into view from one of the side passages.  His first impression is that it is vaguely human-like, or at least, that it has two arms and two legs and walks upright, but that is where the similarities end.  This thing is at least eight feet tall, and instead of a head, it has what appears to be a metal box on top of its shoulders.  There is another metal box fastened to its back with what looks to be barbed wire, and in its hand it is holding a burlap sack that bulges out at the bottom.

 

It takes it only one giant stride to reach the middle of the hallway, where it stops.  Sebastian’s heart stops as well, because it is slowly turning to face them, and now that he is getting a better look at it in the red glowing light, he can see that it has two dials on its head, making its face look more like a safe than anything else.  In its other hand, it holds a massive spiked hammer, and there can be no doubt about what that hammer is used for, because the creature’s last victim is still impaled on it, his face pierced by the spike on the back, his body dragging uselessly.

 

When the creature has squared up to them, Sebastian’s heart is pounding, and he is holding his breath.  He can tell that, beside him, Stefano is doing the same.  They can’t be more than fifty feet from it.  Even with the lights dimmed, it can probably see them, if it can see at all that is.  They wait, still and silent, and Sebastian is just thinking that it might be a good thing that they disarmed all of those bear traps if they are about to have to sprint back down the hallway.

 

Then the creatures is turning away, back in the direction it was originally heading, and it lumbers on, unencumbered by its bag or the corpse trailing off of its hammer.  Sebastian and Stefano remain frozen in place until the footsteps have faded into the distance.

 

“Holy shit,” Sebastian exhales.  “What the fuck was that?”

 

“Hell if I know,” Stefano replies, and Sebastian laughs because, outside of making sexual advances, he’s never heard Stefano swear.   He stops laughing when he sees that Stefano is trembling.

 

“Hey,” he says, pocketing his flashlight and reaching out to take Stefano by the shoulders.  “It’s okay.  I think it’s gone now.”

 

Stefano shakes his head.  “He knows,” he whispers.

 

“What?” Sebastian asks, confused as to how Stefano has any insight into the monster’s thoughts.  “That thing?”

 

“No,” Stefano hisses back at him.  “Ruvik.  He knows.”

 

“Oh.”  Sebastian has to think about that one for a moment.  “If all of our minds are linked in the STEM system, which Ruvik controls, then yeah, I guess he probably does know the things that each of us knows.  I mean, he showed me my house earlier.”

 

“Oh no,” Stefano suddenly goes very pale, and his shaking is getting worse.

 

Sebastian wraps his arms around him, pulls him close, and murmurs into his hair.  “We’re going to get through this.”  He presses a kiss next to Stefano’s ear.  “He’s very powerful, but that doesn’t mean we can’t fight him.”

 

For a moment, Stefano is totally unresponsive, but then Sebastian feels Stefano’s arms around him as well, and they just hold each other for a moment.  Stefano is warm and solid and alive in his arms, and Sebastian draws strength from that.  He can only hope that Stefano is doing the same on his end.  Then Stefano sighs deeply and pulls away.  Sebastian lets him go.

 

“Thank you,” Stefano replies.  “I think I will be alright now.”

 

Sebastian desperately wants to ask what Ruvik knows that Stefano is so afraid of, but as Stefano has just gotten himself back under control, it doesn’t seem like the appropriate time to ask that kind of question.  He gets his flashlight out again, turns it on, and shines it down the hallway.  “Let’s hope that thing doesn’t come back,” he says.

 

They reach the intersection of the passageways, and Sebastian is about to continue straight ahead, when Stefano speaks.  “Should we perhaps go this way?”  He is pointing in the direction from which the creature came.

 

“Why would we?” Sebastian asks, because he’s not sure that he actually wants to see where that sort of monster originates from or if there are any more of them down there.

 

“I would imagine we would be less likely to encounter it again if we go somewhere it has already been,” Stefano replies.  “Besides,” he adds, gesturing down the hallway where the creature came from, “we do not know if this connects back to the main hallway farther down.”

 

“Well we don’t actually know how any of these connect,” Sebastian points out.  “And I’m not sure it even matters which way we go.  If Ruvik is that powerful, we’ll probably end up wherever he wants us to be anyway.  I think it’s a toss-up.”

 

“Hold on a moment,” Stefano says, raising a hand to his mouth.  “I have an idea.  Come and stand behind me if you don’t mind.”

 

Sebastian can’t see how this is going to help them decide where to go, unless maybe Stefano is going to flip a coin or something, but he goes to stand behind him, and is surprised when Stefano pulls out the camera, because he hasn’t seen him use it since before the churchyard.  Stefano raises it up to his face, turns his body so that it is pointing down the hallway where the creature disappeared, and the blue flash goes off, traveling rapidly down the hallway.

 

Stefano stiffens and turns his body to face down the passage ahead of them, and the flash goes off again.  This time, Stefano’s body language is unreadable.  Finally, he turns to face the way that the creature came from and clicks the camera again.  “This way,” he is saying before the flash has even completely died away.  “Definitely this way.”

 

He starts down the hall, and Sebastian hurries to catch up to him, flashlight pointed at the ground again in case there are going to be more bear traps.  “What were you seeing when you did that?” he asks.

 

Stefano shakes his head, fumbling with words as he replies, “I… it is… I know this is the way we must go.”

 

“Okay, okay,” Sebastian says, because even though he doesn’t understand it at all, Stefano seems adamant about it, and as far as he’s concerned one hallway is much the same as another down here.

 

They continue down the passage, Sebastian occasionally glancing over his shoulder to make sure the creature isn’t sneaking up behind them.  It is immediately after one of those moments that he turns to face forward again and says, “Stop!”

 

Stefano freezes and looks at where Sebastian’s light is pointing.  This is another bear trap, but it is different from the others.  It seems to have barbed wire wrapped around it, covering some of the mechanisms.  Stefano crouches down.

 

“Careful,” Sebastian says.  “I’m not sure you should touch that one without gloves or something.”

 

Stefano is scrutinizing it in the light of the lantern.  “You are correct,” he says.  “I will not be able to disarm this one.”

 

“Here,” Sebastian says, offering a hand to Stefano and helping him to his feet.  “Back up for a second.  I’ll at least see if I can get it out of the middle of the hallway.”

 

He cautiously reaches out with his foot, taking care to only touch the outer edge of the trap, and toes it over against the wall.  It is definitely still dangerous, but at least if they come back this way it will be harder to step in.

 

“What is it with barbed wire in here?” he mutters.  “It’s all over everything.”

 

“And everyone,” Stefano adds.

 

Sebastian wants to laugh at that, but Stefano has a point.  The enemies back at the village, the dog in the churchyard, and the safe-headed monster all had barbed wire on them somewhere as well.  He isn’t sure if that’s a feature of STEM or of Ruvik himself, but it seems significant.  And they’re going to have to be really careful going forward, because stepping in one of those barbed wire traps is definitely something he wants to avoid.

 

They do see a few more of them as they continue down the hall, and Sebastian carefully scoots them out of the way, but by and large the hall is empty, concrete and cinderblock, and endless darkness in front of and behind them.  After a few more minutes of walking, they reach a strange sort of gate.  Iron bars block the way ahead, and also divide the hallway in half for a length of five or six feet.  Mounted in the center of this divider is a crank with a handle on each side of the divider.

 

“Do we have to turn this to go forward?” Sebastian muses aloud.

 

“Very likely,” Stefano replies.  “Though this seems to be calculated to force us to separate.”

 

Sebastian is about to ask him how he knows that, but when he turns to look at him, Stefano simply points up at the ceiling, where another set of bars are suspended.  The chains run back to the crank mechanism, and looking at the whole set-up, it seems pretty obvious that when they turn the crank, the whole thing is going to rotate, opening the way ahead, but blocking the way back and placing them on opposite sides of the divider.

 

“Fuck,” Sebastian mutters.  “I don’t like that at all.”

 

“It seems we don’t have any other choice,” Stefano replies.  “Unless you wish to go back the way we came?”

 

Sebastian looks back down that hallway, and, as if on cue, the heavy footsteps sound again from that direction.

 

“No,” Sebastian says, dashing forward to take the crank on the right-hand side of the divider.  “Let’s get the hell out of here!”

 

He begins to turn the crank, fights to get it moving before Stefano grabs the handle on the other side, and together they turn it as fast as they can.  The iron bars in front of them are rotating up toward the ceiling, and the bars from the ceiling are rotating down behind them, and not a moment too soon, because the safe-headed creature is appearing out of the darkness and stalking toward them, hammer raised.

 

“Shit!” Sebastian yells, torn between looking over his shoulder at the monster and looking at the crank.  Luckily the wall of iron bars drops into place behind them just as the creature reaches it.  It slams its hammer into the bars, sending sparks cascading toward them.

 

Sebastian jumps backward in shock, and out of the corner of his eye, he sees Stefano do the same.  The creature can’t seem to make any progress in its attempts to destroy the iron bars though, and after striking them with its hammer a few more times, it swings the hammer into the wall, apparently in frustration, which leaves a substantial hole in the cinderblocks, and stalks off in the direction it came from.

 

“Fuck,” Sebastian mutters as he slides down the bars to sit on the floor, but he can’t even muster much enthusiasm for swearing at this point.  He hears Stefano sit down behind him, imagines them back to back here on the concrete floor with iron bars between them, and suddenly feels the overwhelming urge to put his arms around Stefano.

 

The iron bars run both vertically and horizontally though, and there’s no way he’ll be able to get more than his hand and wrist through, so he turns slightly and slips a hand through the bars.  Stefano’s hand is in his almost immediately.

 

“Are you alright?” Stefano asks.

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian murmurs, trying to keep his voice down in case the creature is still within earshot of them.  “What about you?”

 

“Fine,” Stefano replies.  “Though I can’t say that I approve of this development.”  He taps on the bars with his free hand.

 

“Me either,” Sebastian says.  He shines his flashlight down the hall ahead of them, and the bars that separate him from Stefano extend as far as the light reaches.  There is no telling when they’ll actually be able to reunite.

 

“I suppose we should keep moving,” Stefano says with a sigh, releasing Sebastian’s hand.  It leaves Sebastian feeling surprisingly empty.

 

“Yeah, you’re right,” Sebastian answers.  “We’re not accomplishing anything sitting there on the floor.”

 

He gets to his feet and Stefano follows suit, and they begin to move cautiously down the hallway.  It isn’t too bad at first, because even though Stefano is on the other side of the bars, they are still basically side by side, and Stefano’s companionship is still some comfort.  But within a couple of hundred feet, they find their way forward blocked by the iron bars again, and the only paths to take branch off in opposite directions from each other.  Stefano turns to him.

 

“I don’t want to do this,” Sebastian blurts out before Stefano can say anything, because the images that Ruvik showed him, the images of Riker and Stefano, are still fresh in his mind, and it turns his stomach to think about them.  He sincerely hopes that Riker is dead, but he isn’t sure if even that means anything here.

 

“And yet, it seems that we must,” Stefano says, gesturing to the immovable wall of metal that stands before them.

 

Sebastian takes a step closer to Stefano, wrapping one hand around the bars.  “Be careful,” he says, because even he recognizes that if STEM or Ruvik wants them to split up, then they will have to split up.  “I’ve gotten sort of attached to you,” he adds, feeling his face flush hot with feelings he doesn’t fully understand but also doesn’t have time to work through at the moment.

 

“And I have grown quite fond of you as well,” Stefano replies, wrapping his hand around Sebastian’s.  “So do come back in one piece if you don’t mind.”  He flashes Sebastian a smile that displays a lot more confidence than Sebastian feels, and at least if he is going to be parting ways from Stefano, he is leaving the confident, capable version of Stefano to fend for himself.  He can only hope that this is temporary.

 

Stefano pulls his hand away.  “Good luck,” he says.

 

“You too,” Sebastian replies with a nod.  There is more he wants to say, so much more, but Stefano is already turning to walk away from him down the hall, and if he is going to press on, if he is going to find a way to help Stefano and get them both out of STEM, he has to do the same.

 

He tears his eyes away from Stefano’s retreating form, turns on his heel, and begins to follow the beam of the flashlight down his own hallway.

 

 

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The figures fade away, and Sebastian is left staring after them. He doesn’t have much time to reflect before the temperature plummets. The room around him takes on a blue tint, and the door to the kitchen flies open. There is Ruvik, the Ruvik Sebastian has been seeing in STEM at least, and he is walking through the door, approaching Sebastian with his arm outstretched.
> 
> “You were so young,” Sebastian says, assuming that Ruben is here to talk, or at least to make cryptic statements as he has before, but Ruvik pauses about twelve feet from him.
> 
> “This is not the time for talking, Sebastian,” he says, voice deep and threatening. “This is the time to run.”

 

 

Sebastian has only been walking down his hallway for a minute or two when he realizes he is not alone.  He turns abruptly to face the bars, fixing a hard stare on the white-robed figure on the other side.  “Ruvik.”

 

“Seems you do know me after all,” Ruvik answers, his voice devoid of emotion.  “That’s Jimenez’s doing of course.  He never could stop meddling in my affairs.”  Ruvik turns and strolls off down the hallway on his own side of the bars, and Sebastian has to walk briskly to keep up with him.

 

“It sounds like you were meddling in his,” Sebastian points out.

 

“STEM was never his.”  The bitterness in Ruvik’s voice comes through clearly.  “Jimenez saw the money and the power that STEM could bring him.  He never saw STEM for what it could actually be.”

 

Sebastian’s first reaction is to ask what STEM could actually be, but a wave of frustration washes over him.  He is tired of playing twenty questions with these callous, detached men of science, and he turns to Ruvik and slams his fists into the bars between them.  “What do you want?” he shouts.  “Just tell me what the fuck you want from me!”

 

Ruvik pauses and turns to face Sebastian.  “What do you think you can possibly offer me?” he asks with a smirk.  “In STEM, I am a god.  What could you even begin to do for me?”

 

“Then why are you doing this?” snaps Sebastian.  “Are we just entertainment for you?  Why pull us into STEM in the first place.”

 

“Because there are things you need to understand,” Ruvik says simply.  He turns and begins to walk down the hall again.

 

“What kind of things?” Sebastian asks as he jogs to catch up, because Ruvik is being infuriatingly coy about all of this, and his patience is wearing thin.

 

“About yourself.  About your friend.”  He gestures down the hall behind them to where Stefano disappeared.  “But first, about me.”

 

“What-?” Sebastian starts to ask, but Ruvik is already gone.  Sebastian curses him to hell and back for what he’s putting them through and turns to continue down the hall.  His flashlight is trained on the ground, because he is sure as hell not going to step into another god damn bear trap, which is how he sees the newspaper lying on the concrete floor ahead of him.  He bends down to pick it up.

 

 _Estate Fire Claims Children_ reads the headline.  Sebastian shudders at the mental image that produces, but continues reading.  _A fire in an outbuilding of the Victoriano estate took the lives of the couple’s two children.  Laura, 17, and Ruben, 10, were trapped in the barn by a fire of indeterminate origin…_

 

Sebastian swallows hard, wills himself to stop shaking, because even reading about this is almost too much.  He redirects his attention to the picture of the Victoriano mansion above the text of the story.  It is a sprawling country manor home, though it has the forlorn look of a place that used to be filled with life but is now slowly wasting away.  Weeds are growing thick in the garden, and bushes are starting to encroach on the lower windows of the house.

 

Sebastian’s gaze continues up the building to one of the upper windows, where he can almost make out a figure standing.  He squints, strains his eyes.  He can’t make the image any clearer, but he is certainly making his head hurt.  He raises his head to let his eyes readjust, and takes a quick step backward onto the stonework of the driveway, because the mansion isn’t just on the page anymore.  It is right in front of him, and he almost staggers as he tries to process how this could happen, but remembers that he is in STEM, and nothing is outside the realm of possibility.

 

The house is as real as anything else he has seen in here so far, and when he slowly turns in a full circle, he can see no sign of the basement, no sign of the dark tunnels or the iron bars.  The overgrown garden is all around him, and the lights in the windows of the house are glowing invitingly.  He is sure that he is playing right into Ruvik’s hand, but the only reasonable course of action seems to be to go inside.

 

He climbs the stone steps, knows before he reaches the heavy wooden door that it will be unlocked, and pushes it open to reveal a magnificent entranceway, complete with two curving staircases and a huge chandelier.  Sebastian certainly doesn’t pretend to know what is classy, and he can’t say that he appreciates the Victorianos’ sense of style, but it is clear that they are extremely wealthy.  Or were extremely wealthy- he corrects himself.  This must be an echo, a memory that Ruvik has decided to share with him.  He moves cautiously into the hallway, wondering if this is some sort of trap, if Ruvik is going to send more enemies after him, but aside from the door closing behind him in a very unsettling way, nothing seems to be overtly threatening about this place.

 

He finds another one of the mysterious but life-saving syringes in a chair in the entryway and pockets it for later use, then moves off to the left and through a door into a dining room.  He isn’t exactly sure what he is supposed to be doing here, but exploring his new surroundings seems like a good start, so he continues through the dining room and into the next hallway.  After passing through a smaller room that must be a pantry of some sort, he reaches the kitchens.  Nothing seems to be amiss until he reaches the very back of the deepest part of the food preparation area, but then he sees something that stops him in his tracks.

 

There is a head- an actual human head- on the table at the back of the room.  There is no body attached to it, and the scalp and skull have been removed to expose the brain.  Sebastian has seen something very much like this done at the medical examiner’s office during an autopsy, but it still sends a shiver up his spine.

 

A bright lamp illuminates the head, and several pages of notes and diagrams of the brain surround it.  As Sebastian inches closer, the eyes in the head blink suddenly, and he jumps back, wondering for one ridiculous, outrageous moment whether this person can possibly be alive, can possibly be sentient in his current condition.  But the head doesn’t respond in any other way to Sebastian’s approach, just continue to blink sporadically, and Sebastian tiptoes in again to stand over it and look at the diagrams.

 

At first, he can barely make heads or tails of them.  He did take some basic courses in psychology and disorders of the brain when he was getting his degree in Criminal Justice, but he remembers very little, and these look way more scientific than his training.  He also notes that there are probes and wires leading from the brain to some sort of machine beside it, and he is reminded of the STEM set-up he saw earlier when he talked to Jimenez.

 

The wires actually lead from the nearby machine back the way Sebastian entered the room, and he follows them all the way back to the front hall, where they attach to a strange device above the central door that stands between the two staircases.  The door, or rather, the double doors are metal and look extremely heavy.  Two circular dials are set into the center of the doors, one above the other, though they are recessed in such a way that they can’t be manipulated at the moment.

 

“I’m going to have to open this, aren’t I?” he mutters to himself.  He may have only recently become acquainted with Ruvik, but the man clearly has a flair for the dramatic, and a big fancy door with a complicated locking mechanism seems like it would be right up his alley.  Besides, Ruvik wouldn’t leave his work lying around unattended if he didn’t want Sebastian to do something with it.

 

If there is one thing Sebastian is learning about STEM, it is that there are no coincidences.  Everything, from the weapons to the syringes to the enemies to this puzzle bullshit is there for a reason, and he isn’t going to make it out of this house until Ruvik is satisfied with him.  Might as well get to it then.

 

He returns to the kitchen, scrutinizes the brain diagrams again, and wonders whether Ruvik would have been more at home in a different century.  The labels on this diagram have parts of the brain marked out as “fear”, “pain”, and “consent”, and Sebastian is pretty sure that, at least according to modern science, it’s not that simple.  To hear Jimenez talk though, Ruvik was some kind of prodigy, and Sebastian isn’t going to question him in matters of science, especially in his own house.

 

He isn’t at all sure where to start until he spots an old fashioned reel-to-reel tape player on the table, which only reinforces his impression that Ruvik is not quite of this era.  He presses the button and listens to the recording.  It’s undoubtedly Ruvik’s voice, talking about the different regions of the brain, but Sebastian is distracted by the background noise, which seems to be a female voice calling for help.  From the sound of it, Ruvik wasn’t any more ethical in his research practices than Jimenez and possibly even worse.

 

Sebastian has to play back the recording a second time in order to focus on what Ruvik is saying, but at the end of the tape, he clearly recommends stimulation of the consent region.  Sebastian looks at the diagrams again and locates the correct area, finding that the probes already placed in the brain and marked on the diagram are very helpful in determining what exactly he is supposed to be targeting.

 

Now it is even more disconcerting that the eyes of the not-quite-lifeless head on the table are blinking, and Sebastian’s hands are shaking as he takes up a clean probe and carefully picks his spot.  The noise, the feeling of wet, yielding meat as he pierces the brain almost make him jerk his hand back, but he is determined.  He can feel the bile rising up in his throat as he continues to press it in, until the machine next to him beeps in confirmation, and he jumps in surprise.

 

Apparently that is a good noise though, because the machine is now starting to pulse and whir and a red liquid that Sebastian is valiantly pretending is not blood begins to travel back up the tubes along the ceiling heading toward the main hall.  Sebastian breathes a sigh of relief, because he may have actually done this right after all.  He turns to follow it back, but stops dead at what he sees.

 

There is a sort of a ghostly tableau spread out before him in the kitchen- white, flickering figures standing opposite each other and apparently engaged in conversation.  One of the participants is Jimenez, somewhat younger than he is now, but undoubtedly the same man, and he is talking to a boy who can’t be much older than nine or ten.  Sebastian realizes that this could only be Ruben, and his suspicions are confirmed when Jimenez says, “Come now Ruben, we are both men of science.”

 

Sebastian watches and listens as Jimenez reassures Ruben that even the most disgusting scientific inquiries serve a higher purpose, and his skin crawls as he realizes that, even if Ruben was an unusual child, Jimenez is undoubtedly somewhat responsible for his corruption.  And if he wasn’t uncomfortable before, the way that the vision ends, the way that Jimenez steps forward, placing a hand on young Ruben’s shoulder with a leer, leaves him feeling dirty and wrong and angry at Jimenez even though he is clearly seeing something that happened many years ago.

 

The figures fade away, and Sebastian is left staring after them.  He doesn’t have much time to reflect before the temperature plummets.  The room around him takes on a blue tint, and the door to the kitchen flies open.  There is Ruvik, the Ruvik Sebastian has been seeing in STEM at least, and he is walking through the door, approaching Sebastian with his arm outstretched.

 

“You were so young,” Sebastian says, assuming that Ruben is here to talk, or at least to make cryptic statements as he has before, but Ruvik pauses about twelve feet from him.

 

“This is not the time for talking, Sebastian,” he says, voice deep and threatening.  “This is the time to run.”

 

He takes another step forward, and the cold and a wave of deep, roiling fear comes with him, and that is all the encouragement Sebastian needs to dodge around him and sprint out of the kitchen.  He dashes back down the hall and through the dining room, pausing briefly in the entranceway to see that one of the three tubes above the main door is filled with red liquid, before he turns to find somewhere to run, somewhere to hide.

 

The door across the from him seems as good a place as any, but he has only taken about two steps in that direction before Ruvik suddenly appears in front of him, and Sebastian experiences the coldness and the visceral terror again, and he turns on his heel to take off up the stairs.  He can feel, rather than hear Ruvik behind him as he takes them two at a time.

 

At the top, he has no time to consider his options, but turns left and dashes to the first door he sees, which thankfully is unlocked.  The next room is library, but seems to contain no viable hiding places, and Sebastian sprints through it and into the next hallway.  He throws open the first door he comes to, which leads to a bedroom, and frantically looks for somewhere to conceal himself.  Under the bed seems too obvious, but there is a wardrobe nearby, and when he yanks the door open he finds that it is empty.  He jumps in and closes the door behind him, peeking out through the horizontal slats of the door and holding his breath as he waits.

 

He isn’t sure exactly what he is expecting to hear, because he is now realizing that Ruvik doesn’t really seem to make footsteps or other noises when he moves, but the blue tint is still around him, and he is on the alert for the cold and the horrible, gripping fear that announces Ruvik’s proximity to him.  He waits, counts off almost a full minute in his head, before there is a tangible release of energy in the house around him, and the room is filled with warm light again.

 

Sebastian exhales slowly, trying to calm his racing heart, because even though he hasn’t found Ruvik particularly threatening until now, whatever it was that just happened is a game-changer.  He can’t explain exactly what he was afraid was going to happen if Ruvik caught him, but he doesn’t want to think about it any more than he has to.

 

He opens the door and steps out of the wardrobe, taking in the room around him for the first time.  It’s clearly a bedroom, probably for a child, based on the small bed and desk.  There is an open book on the desk, and when Sebastian approaches, he can see that it is a journal of some kind.  The handwriting is neat but cramped, and the name Laura is mentioned several times.  Sebastian remember the Laura Victoriano mentioned in the newspaper article he read before he came to this house, and deduces that this must be the sister Jimenez mentioned.

 

If this is Ruvik’s journal, as Sebastian suspects, he certainly seemed to be very close with his sister, which would explain his strong reaction to her death.  It is then that he realizes something strange.  The newspaper article clearly reported both children killed in the estate fire, though Jimenez said that the fire left Laura comatose and Ruben badly burned.  Sebastian turns this over in his mind, but can’t come up with an obvious reason why the newspaper would be wrong or Jimenez would be lying, so he abandons the thought for the time being.

 

He doesn’t know when Ruvik might be coming back, and he is afraid to spend too much time on the journal with that threat hanging over him, so he walks back to the door he entered through.  After a few seconds of careful listening, he opens it and steps cautiously into the hall.  It is empty, except for a rat that scurries away from him, and he breathes a sigh of relief.  It takes him a moment to remember what he was doing before Ruvik started chasing him, but when he recalls the vision and the strange puzzle that prompted it, he begins to move down the hall again in search of a similar mechanism.  Surely there must be a way to trigger the other two sets of wires and unlock the large door downstairs.

 

This whole mansion, despite its grandeur, has a lonely, abandoned feeling to it, and Sebastian can’t help but wonder if it might have felt like this to Ruben even as a child growing up here.  He can’t imagine being so isolated from the outside world, though maybe that’s just how rich people live.  Sebastian certainly wouldn’t know.  His own upbringing didn’t involve any sprawling mansions.

 

At the end of the hallway he encounters some large double doors to the left.  They have no obvious opening mechanism, so he turns right and makes his way down the next hallway, pausing briefly to peek into a bathroom.  He can’t help but wonder whether anyone has to perform bodily functions in STEM, because he certainly hasn’t even had time to think about that kind of thing, but maybe this is a faithful recreation of Ruben’s childhood home without consideration for the constraints of STEM.  Regardless, he continues down the hall until he reaches another door.

 

He is about to reach for the knob, when he feels something tighten around his leg like a snare trap, and suddenly he being jerked off his feet and dragged down the hallway he just traversed.  He flips onto his back, tries to get a look at where he is heading, and is horrified to see that the large double doors he couldn’t access have opened to reveal some sort of bladed machine that he is being dragged toward.

 

He reaches down to try to detach himself from this thing, but the wire is digging deeply into his ankle, and there is no way he is going to be able to loosen it while the machine is pulling him.  Switching gears to the only other plan he thinks is remotely viable, he draws his revolver and quickly scans the door in front of him for some kind of control panel or mechanism to stop the machine.

 

The only thing that stands out in any way is a red light on a panel in the ceiling in front of the door, and he takes aim, which is no small feat considering he is in motion, and pulls the trigger.  The light shatters, the machine grinds to a halt, and he stops moving about six feet from the blades.

 

He doesn’t pause for a second, but scoots forward until the wire loop around his ankle is loose enough to slip over his foot, freeing him from the device.  Only then does he fall backward onto the floor, chest heaving both in exertion and residual terror.  He sets his revolver on the floor beside him, raising his hands to his face as he tries to figure out what the fuck is going on.

 

If what Ruvik wants is for Sebastian to understand things about him, all of this trying to kill Sebastian seems really counterproductive, but of course Ruvik is also unstable and apparently in the same camp as Jimenez in terms of morality.  Sebastian is beginning to see Stefano’s point about Ruvik as well.  Whatever his ultimate goals may be, he seems to be interested in watching them suffer, in breaking them down, and if they are just playthings to Ruvik, then they may only last as long as they amuse him.

 

Lying on the floor isn’t helping anything though, so he sits up, holsters his revolver again, and makes his way back to the door at the other end of the hall, this time alert for any kind of tripwire or other device that might trigger something.   He sees nothing, and this time he is able to reach the door and open it to reveal what must be the master bedroom.

 

The furniture is much grander in this room.  The bed is much larger, and there is a great fireplace on one wall, further dating the mansion in Sebastian’s mind.  He catches movement out of the corner of his eye and spots another rat, or maybe the same rat, darting into the fireplace.  But the rat keeps going much farther than it should be able to, and Sebastian is bending down, getting out his flashlight to shine it into the opening, and realizing that there is some sort of passageway inside the fireplace itself.

 

While Sebastian isn’t thrilled about using a thoroughfare for rats, a secret passage is pretty enticing, and he crouches down on the floor, shining his light into the fireplace to see even farther.  The passageway continues straight back for several feet and then makes a ninety degree turn to the left, so if he is going to learn any more about it, he is going to have to get in there.  He sighs, puts the flashlight between his teeth so that he’ll have some light to use in avoiding rat encounters and shifts onto his hands and knees, crawling forward into the small opening.

 

Luckily, once he makes the left turn, he can see a room illuminated beyond a decorative fireplace cover, and he only has to crawl a few more yards to be able to emerge from the other fireplace.  This room is small, and the only way in or out seems to be the fireplace passage, which is certainly very strange.  It is clearly an important room though, at least for him, because there is another one of the brain puzzles on the table.

 

Sebastian approaches with more confidence this time, trying hard not to look at the blinking eyes in the man’s head that is laid out on the table.  He plays the audio log, managing to stay focused on Ruvik’s deep voice this time.  He needs to target the fear center, and with the help of the diagrams and probes, he is soon sinking his own probe deep into the brain, shuddering at the squelching sound it makes.

 

The machine next to it fires up just as the one in the kitchen did, and Sebastian is just about to pat himself on the back when he remembers what happened right after he solved the other puzzle.  He turns around slowly, alert for any noise, but the small room is unchanged, and the only thing to do seems to be to climb into the fireplace and head back to the master bedroom.

 

As soon as he steps out of the fireplace, there is a new scene playing out in front of him.  Two figures are slumped over on the floor at the foot of the bed- a man and a woman- almost certainly Ruben’s parents.  A different version of Ruben is standing over them, holding a knife in his hand.  This one is older, but still a young man, and he is covered in bandages, so this must be after the fire happened.

 

Ruben is speaking to the bodies on the floor, asking his father why he locked him away, but Sebastian can’t focus on that.  He is waiting for the appearance of Ruvik- the real Ruvik who is undoubtedly going to chase him around the house again.  The ghostly vision of Ruben drops the knife, and the vision dissipates into the air, and any second that door is going to fly open.  Except that it doesn’t.  Sebastian waits for a full ten seconds before he tiptoes over to the door and opens it himself.

 

The hallway is quiet, the huge grinder trap at the end of it still motionless.  Sebastian steps out into it, wondering if he is going to be lucky enough that Ruvik will leave him alone.  He has taken exactly three strides down the hall in a new direction when the cold and the blue tint are back, and the door to the bedroom behind him slams open.  Sebastian doesn’t look.  He just runs.

 

He dashes down the hall making two sharp turns before he comes to a screeching halt.  There is a wire stretched across the hallway at about his waist-level.  He may have missed the last trip wire, but this one is much more obvious, and he’s not going to trigger another trap if he can help it.  He dives underneath, scrambles to his feet on the other side, and sprints to the next door.  He throws it open, darts inside, and slams it shut behind him.

 

He isn’t stupid enough to think that Ruvik will be slowed down by his own trap, so he continues through that room, which loops back around to the upstairs portion of the main hallway.  He doesn’t want to try the central door upstairs, because it is almost certainly a dead end, so he runs down the steps and into the doorway on the right hand side of the main hall- the one he was trying to get to before Ruvik cut him off before.

 

The next room appears to be a gallery of some sort, with framed pictures hanging in it and a few couches scattered around.  He is just looking for a place to hide when the lighting changes, and the awful cold feeling is melting away, and he knows that Ruvik has given up for the time being.  Between the chasing and the traps, Sebastian isn’t sure how he is supposed to learn anything at all about Ruvik’s past, but he continues on, down the hall leading out of the gallery and into a room with more pictures on the wall and a grand piano.

 

One of the pictures, a large one, reminds him of the safe-headed creature that he and Stefano saw back in the church’s basement, and he approaches it slowly, trying to get a good look at the dials on its head, wondering if they mean anything.  He is about three feet away, just close enough to start making out the numbers, when the safe in the picture swings open toward him and a rush of gore comes spilling out.  Sebastian dives backward, tripping over his own feet and ending up on the floor, in an attempt to avoid being splattered with whatever that is, but once it has slowed to a trickle, the entire wall behind the painting swings open to reveal a dark passageway behind it.

 

At least Sebastian can walk upright in this one, and when he shines his flashlight into it, he can see that it leads to a wooden door with a light coming from underneath it.  Sebastian moves forward cautiously, aware that if Ruvik shows up behind him, he might end up cornered, but he reaches the door without incident and pulls it open to reveal a sort of a study.  A bright light on the desk illuminates a third brain puzzle, and Sebastian knows the drill by this time.

 

He plays the audio log, locates the hope region of the brain, and places the probe.  The machine whirs to life, sending the blood on its way through the system of tubes, and Sebastian turns to make his way back to the piano room.  This time he is not surprised to see the ghostly figure of Ruben, looking much the same as in the last vision, playing the piano.  The melody is haunting and vaguely familiar, though Sebastian can’t quite place it.  Jimenez is speaking to him, and they appear to be arguing.

 

Jimenez is suggesting that Ruben should be making some sort of donation to Beacon if he wishes to continue to have access to subjects for his research, and Sebastian wishes he could be shocked that Jimenez is selling patients to Ruben for use in his own experiments, but he knows Jimenez too well at this point to expect anything less.  Then Ruben hits a sour note on the piano, and the vision is disappearing, leaving Sebastian alone in the room.

 

He waits for a few seconds, fully expecting Ruvik to appear again, but when nothing happens he continues through the room and down the hallway, heading back to the main hall.  The huge metal doors under the staircase are still standing closed, but all three vials above the door are filled with the red liquid, and when Sebastian moves closer, he realizes that the two dials set into the metal door are now protruding from the door’s surface.  He takes hold of one experimentally and finds that he can turn it.

 

Of course, trying to guess the combination would be a time-consuming endeavor, so Sebastian casts about in his mind for any hint he might have about the code.  He thinks first of his own ATM code, which is 0718- the month and day of Lily’s birth.  He still hasn’t changed it, even though Lily’s been gone for over two years.  That thought does spark an idea though- and Sebastian wonders if maybe the combination for the door is a date that would be important to Ruvik.  When he looks at the dial again, this idea gains some traction, because the top dial displays the numbers 1-12 and the larger bottom dial displays the numbers 1-31.

 

He doesn’t think he knows Laura’s birthday, although maybe he could figure it out using the journal upstairs.  Before he gets too far with that idea though, he has another, and he is digging the newspaper article out of his pocket, scanning the page for the date of the fire- August 3rd.  That has to be it.

 

He takes hold of the dial again, sets the correct month using the top one, and then dials in the day on the bottom one.  Immediately, the door begins to vibrate in its hinges, and Sebastian steps back, because he remembers all too well what was behind the last set of double doors in Ruvik’s house.  The doors swing slowly open, revealing a long hallway that even Sebastian’s flashlight can’t illuminate the end of.

 

At least there is no visible danger, so Sebastian beings walking, keeping the flashlight trained ahead of him.  There are lamps mounted on the walls all along the hall, but somehow it still stretches into darkness.

 

Suddenly a pulse of energy races by him.  He shivers and the tiny hairs on his arms stand up, just as he catches a flash of Ruvik up ahead, walking briskly toward him.

 

“Shit,” mutters Sebastian, who knows by now that this version of Ruvik is dangerous enough to warrant dramatic action.  But the glimpse of Ruvik is all he gets until a few seconds later, when he catches another pulse of energy and another flash of Ruvik, even closer this time.

 

Sebastian turns and sprints back the way he came, but finds himself skidding to halt as Ruvik appears right in front of him, reaching for his chest- no, reaching into his chest- with an ice cold hand.  He swears he can feel it wrapped around his heart, can feel his chest constrict as he gasps for breath and his vision fades to black, and the high-pitched scream of static fills his ears.

 

 

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That seems to be as good a plan as any,” Stefano answers, “but let me do something first.”
> 
> Sebastian is about to ask what, but then Stefano’s mouth is on his again, and Stefano’s body is practically in his lap, and his own hands are sliding up and down Stefano’s back. He has somehow managed to forget all about the monster until Stefano pulls away.
> 
> “I wanted to do that one more time,” Stefano murmurs, “just in case-”
> 
> “Don’t,” Sebastian says, this time bringing his hand to Stefano’s mouth. “We’ll have plenty of time to do that later.”

 

 

When Sebastian opens his eyes, he is in a field of sunflowers, with the warm sun of a late summer afternoon beating down on him.  He is lying on his back, looking up at the sky, at the flowers swaying gently above him, and it is peaceful, more peaceful than he has felt in a long time.

 

He struggles to remember where he was and what he was doing, because all of his memories are of brains and blood and running and hiding, and none of that seems to be consistent with what he is seeing now.  He gets slowly to his feet and takes a look around, which isn’t easy, because the sunflowers are almost as tall as he is.  They stretch out as far as the eye can see in every direction, but a few hundred feet ahead of him, there is a clearing where an old-fashioned barn stands.

 

Sebastian starts toward it, mostly because it is the only visible point of interest on his horizon.  Part of him is wondering if he is dead, or if he has finally lost his mind and started imagining himself in some quieter, gentler part of STEM, except that this doesn’t look like any place he has ever been before.  He makes his way up to the barn, and opens the large wooden doors.

 

He is immediately greeted by the smell of hay, which is strangely comforting.  It’s not part of his upbringing at all, but he remembers the time Myra insisted they go on that vacation to a dude ranch.  Sebastian may have never really gotten the hang of riding a horse, but seeing Myra so happy, spending a whole weekend just relaxing with Myra, is a memory that has apparently stuck with him.  He steps into the barn, just as another vision of Ruben begins.

 

In this one, Ruben is a child again, not much older than he was in the first vision Sebastian saw back at the mansion, and there is a tall dark-haired young lady with him who must be Laura.  Sebastian watches them playing in the barn.  Laura’s affection for her brother is obvious, because with their age difference, Laura could easily be off with friends or doing more “grown up” things, but she seems utterly happy to play silly games in the barn with Ruben, and Ruben basks in her attention, looking as though he doesn’t have a care in the world.

 

Over their hushed voices and occasional squeals of delight, Sebastian hears something outside, hears the sunflowers rustling, and he steps back out of the barn, peeking around the edge of it to see several men approaching holding torches.  A chill runs down his spine, because suddenly, he is remembering the newspaper article, remembering that the fire that killed- or may have killed- the children happened in a barn.  He is hit hard by the realization that he is about to watch the final moments of Laura and Ruben’s lives, or at least, the moment that their lives changed dramatically.

 

He watches as the men approach the barn.

 

“This’ll teach them to buy up all of our land,” the one who seems to be the leader growls, before he begins to pile hay against the outside of the barn.  Several of the others laugh and move to help him.

 

One of them pauses.  “Did you hear that?” he asks.  “Sounds like there’s kids in there.”

 

The leader pauses for a moment.  “I didn’t hear anything,” he answers, before he takes a torch from one of the others and touches it to the hay, which catches fire almost immediately.

 

Sebastian dashes back to the open doors of the barn, knowing by now that he can’t do anything but watch, knowing that these aren’t real children, but feeling the panic rising up in him all the same.  Ruben and Laura are still playing, seemingly totally unaware of the danger, and Sebastian wonders what Lily was doing when the fire started.  Was she playing with her dolls or reading a book with her nanny or watching her favorite TV show?  Did she have a few more moments to enjoy her childhood before…before…

 

There is heat, intense, blistering heat behind Sebastian, and he is leaping forward to avoid it, finding himself inside the barn, which is burning all around him.  Ruben and Laura are panicking now, rushing here and there, trying to find some way to escape.

 

Even though he knows these are ghosts, shadows of something that has already happened, the looks of terror on the children’s faces are real, and the panic Sebastian feels is real, and surely there has to be something he can do.  He reaches out, tries to touch Ruben as he races by, but his hand passes right through the boy’s shoulder, and clearly the children can’t see or hear him at all.

 

Laura has found a ladder up into the hayloft now, and is dragging a panicked Ruben over to it.  She pushes him up it ahead of her, and Sebastian isn’t sure whether this is going to buy them any substantial amount of time.  The fire may have started at the base of the walls, but the barn is little more than dry kindling filled with hay, and the flames are creeping up the structure at an alarming rate.

 

When they reach the top of the ladder, Laura pushes Ruben ahead of her, and Sebastian realizes her goal.  There is a tiny window at the very peak of the roof in the top of the barn.  It’s a solid two story fall, but it definitely beats being burned alive, and Laura boosts Ruben up to it, urging him to climb.  Even as she does so, the flames are licking at the walls around them, at Ruben, at Laura herself.

 

Ruben has just disappeared through the window when Laura’s dress goes up in flames and she utters a horrible, ear-splitting shriek.  It echoes around and around the room as Laura spins wildly, trying to evade the flames, and suddenly it is as though a thousand voices are rising up around Sebastian, the way they did back in the re-creation of his own home.  _You did this to us!  You did this to us!  You did this to us!_

 

Then, as suddenly as the voices rose up, they drop away.  Laura is fading, and the barn is gone, and he is standing in the burned out husk of the building, feeling as empty as he felt in the shell of his own home, because no one was there to save Ruben and Laura, just like he wasn’t there to save Lily.

 

He drops to one knee.  This is his fault.  He swore to protect Myra and Lily, and he let them down in the worst way possible, the same way that Ruben’s parents let him down.  And nothing he can do will ever be enough to make up for that.

 

He isn’t surprised to hear the deep, guttural voice behind him.  “Do you see?  Do you understand?”

 

Sebastian nods, wiping tears from his eyes, which are stinging from the smoke and the heat and the realization of what Lily’s last moments must have been like.  “Why… why did the newspaper say that you and Laura were killed?” he asks.

 

“Because that is what my father told them,” Ruvik replies.  “He had a reputation to uphold, and with Laura comatose and me too unsightly to be his rightful heir, it was the most elegant solution for him to simply say that we had been killed in the fire.”

 

Sebastian takes a deep breath.  “Not all men are like your father, Ruvik.”

 

“No,” Ruvik replies, “but good intentions aren’t enough.  They didn’t bring Laura back, and they won’t bring Lily back.”

 

Sebastian is on his feet and lunging for Ruvik before he even realizes what he is doing.  “Don’t you dare!” he shouts, still half-blinded by tears and rage.  “Don’t you fucking dare!  Don’t you even say her name!”

 

Ruvik teleports easily out of his range, his demeanor still calm and collected.  “All I’m suggesting is that if there was a way to bring her back, if there was a way for you to be with her again, you’d do it wouldn’t you?  No matter how great the cost?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian says through gritted teeth, but Ruvik has already disappeared.  He takes one last look around the burned out husk of the barn, at the field of sunflowers that he can see beyond it, much too cheerful for the dark deeds that have just taken place, when suddenly the sunflowers are just the drawings of a child on the walls all around him, and he is in a small room lit only by a lantern.

 

Once again, he feels as though he must be deep underground, and he turns on his flashlight and scans the room for any information or supplies, but sees only the flowers drawn on the wall, remembers the drawings Lily used to do for him, the ones that used to hang in their front hallway before the fire, the ones that used to hang above his desk at work before looking at them became too painful and he had to hide them in the bottom of his desk drawer.

 

There is only one door in the room, and Sebastian opens it to find a larger room, again illuminated by lanterns on the walls.  His attention is immediately drawn to a figure sitting against the opposite wall.  Stefano has his knees drawn up to his chest and is resting his head and forearms on them.  Sebastian rushes toward him.

 

“Stefano!” he says, crouching down beside him.

 

Stefano lifts his head.  “Hello, Sebastian,” he says, something like relief on his face.

 

Sebastian places a hand on his shoulder.  “Are you alright?” he asks.  “What happened after we split up?”

 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” comes a familiar voice from behind him, and he turns around to see Riker approaching with his usual swagger.  “You know you’re spoiling him, right?  He’s a lot tougher than he looks.  Trust me, I’ve seen him handle twenty clients in a night and still come back for more.”

 

Something in Sebastian snaps at the way Riker is talking about Stefano, and he is on his feet with his fist planted in Riker’s face before he can even process what is happening.  Unfortunately, punching Riker is very much like punching a brick wall, both in how little it affects Riker and how much it hurts his hand.

 

Riker does at least look mildly irritated as he takes hold of Sebastian’s wrist and twists his arm, spinning Sebastian so that his back is to Riker and his arm is pinned behind him.  “Look,” Riker continues as though Sebastian hadn’t interrupted him.  “There’s no reason for us to fight.  We both want the same thing.”

 

Sebastian still has his left hand free, but it’s not his usual shooting hand, and he doesn’t want to draw attention to it until he’s sure he’s ready to act. 

 

Riker turns Sebastian abruptly to face Stefano.  “You want to fuck him, and you can.  Shit, I’ll get him ready for you.  I’ll even hold him down for you, but you have to promise me something.”  Riker leans in close to Sebastian’s ear, and Sebastian starts to ease his hand toward his holster.  It’s going to be awkward, since the gun is facing the wrong way for him to draw it with his left hand, but it’s better than nothing.

 

“Promise you what?” Sebastian asks, stalling for time.

 

“Promise me you’ll hurt him,” growls Riker.  “Promise me you’ll break him.  Promise me-”  Riker doesn’t get to finish that sentence, because Sebastian finally gets his hand on his revolver, yanks it out of the holster, and slams it back over his shoulder into Riker’s face.

 

“Fuck!” shouts Riker, releasing Sebastian and stepping back, because apparently being pistol-whipped does make an impression on him.

 

Sebastian is seeing red, because Riker is a disgusting, vile waste of flesh who should never have been allowed to touch Stefano in the first place.  He spins to face Riker, switching his gun to his shooting hand, when the room begins to vibrate with heavy footsteps, and Riker’s eyes go wide as he look at something behind Sebastian.

 

Sebastian has a pretty good idea of what he is going to see before he turns around, but he whirls to face the safe-headed creature anyway, and it is marching toward them, hammer raised.

 

“What the fuck is that?” Riker yells, as though Sebastian might be going to take the time to explain it to him.

 

Sebastian turns to Stefano, who is already on his feet, and as if by some unspoken agreement, the two of them dart around the safe-headed creature, giving it a wide berth, and dash down the first passageway they come to.  Stefano is in the lead, and Sebastian quickly checks over his shoulder, but he doesn’t see the safe-headed creature or Riker, so perhaps they are entertaining each other.

 

Sebastian has just turned to face forward again when there is a snap and a yelp, and he crashes into Stefano who has suddenly stopped moving.

 

“Sorry!” he says quickly.  Then, seeing the reason Stefano is not running anymore, he drops to his knees, whispering a few more apologies as he struggles with the mechanism on the trap.  This is one of the ones that is wrapped in barbed wire, so it takes both Sebastian pressing down on the release mechanism and Stefano slashing with his knife at the wires to actually free his leg.  He leans heavily on the wall, panting as Sebastian fumbles for a syringe.

 

The heavy footsteps are back, and they are getting closer, and Sebastian finally pulls the syringe from his pocket and just stabs it into Stefano’s thigh through his pants and depresses the plunger.  Luckily, it seems to work quickly because Stefano takes off again, this time staying closer to Sebastian, who keeps his flashlight trained on the floor.  They have to jump or side-step a few more traps, but just when Sebastian is starting to run out of breath and cursing his smoking habit, they come out into another large open room.  They pause for a moment, but the footsteps are still approaching.

 

“I do not think we will be able to outrun it this time,” Stefano says, sounding a little breathless himself.

 

“So we fight?” Sebastian asks.  He isn’t opposed to the idea of taking a break from running, because his lungs are burning even more than his legs, but the way Stefano says this is odd, like he knows something Sebastian doesn’t.  Or maybe he can just tell that Sebastian doesn’t have the stamina to outrun the monster this time.

 

“We must,” Stefano answers.  His tone is decisive even though he doesn’t sound much more excited by this idea than by the prospect of running.

 

Sebastian crosses the room, taking up a post where he has a clear shot to the opening they just emerged from, and sees Stefano doing the same in his peripheral vision.  Deciding this is as good a time as any to try out the new equipment, he takes out the crossbow and loads up one of the harpoon looking rounds.  Hopefully there isn’t a trick to using this thing, because he’s never shot a crossbow before and if he doesn’t learn quickly then this is going to turn out very badly indeed.

 

The safe-headed creature strides into the room, hammer raised threateningly in one hand, and Sebastian actually sees it toss one of the wire-wrapped bear traps onto the floor with its other hand.  Then, the creature is suddenly halted in its tracks, trapped in the blue box effect from Stefano’s camera.  It’s not completely frozen in place though.  Sebastian can still see it moving slowly toward them, but its progress is significantly delayed by the box, and Sebastian raises the crossbow and fires a round at it.

 

The bolt pierces the creature’s chest and sticks there, and thanks to Stefano’s camera, Sebastian has time to load up another one before the monster breaks out of the box and resumes its normal pace.  Sebastian fires, and a second bolt is now protruding from the creature’s chest.  It staggers this time, but regains its footing and starts forward again.

 

There is another flash of blue and the monster is slowed-down again.  Sebastian switches to his revolver and fires six shots rapidly into its torso.  He pauses to reload while the creature isn’t moving as fast and catches sight of Stefano dashing forward, diving into the box himself and plunging his knife into the creature’s chest.

 

Sebastian shouts in alarm and starts to move toward Stefano, intending to pull him out of the box, but before he can even take a step, Stefano is gracefully stepping out of the box on his own, apparently unaffected by the time-slowing that seems to occur inside it.

 

“What the hell was that?” he asks, as he pops the cylinder back into place and levels his revolver at the monster again.  Perhaps the question was poorly timed, because his next three shots prevent him from hearing Stefano’s answer.

 

The box breaks and Sebastian darts for the other side of the room, skirting around the monster, vaguely aware that Stefano is moving in the same direction.  He raises his revolver again and fires three more times, and now he has a real dilemma, because he is almost out of ammunition.  If he recalls correctly, he might have another three or four rounds for the revolver, and he thinks he remembers picking up a different-looking kind of bolt for the crossbow that he hasn’t used yet.

 

Sebastian catches enough flack at work for using a six-shot revolver, and he’s certainly not going to dispute that right at this moment he would rather have a semi-automatic pistol with a fifteen round magazine, but there’s nothing to be done about it now.  He fumbles for the other crossbow bolt, loads it up, and fires it at the creature.

 

This one sticks to the monster’s body, glowing red and emitting a series of fast, high-pitched beeps before it detonates, sending the creature staggering backward.  It’s obviously an explosive round of some sort, and Sebastian wishes he had a few more, but he is now down to just the handful of cartridges in his pocket.

 

“I need to reload!” he calls to Stefano, who raises his camera and freezes the monster in place again.  Sebastian quickly fishes the last three bullets out and loads them up.  Before he starts shooting though, he warns Stefano, “This is all my ammo.  Any ideas?”

 

“Run?” Stefano suggests.  It’s the only other idea Sebastian has as well, and he squeezes off the three rounds and then follows Stefano back down the hallway.  They turn one corner after another, weaving in and out of debris and sections of iron bars, until Sebastian has to wonder how they haven’t doubled back on themselves or if the environment is changing as they attempt to navigate it.

 

Finally, they pause, freezing in place for a moment.  They can hear footsteps way off in the distance, but it’s hard to tell if they are getting closer or farther away.

 

“Let’s find somewhere to hide,” whispers Sebastian, because hiding worked when Ruvik was chasing him, and there is no reason to think that this monster is smarter than Ruvik himself.

 

Sebastian shines his flashlight around the hallway they are standing in, which appears to be severely damaged.  Part of the ceiling has fallen, and the floor and walls are cracked.  There is an opening in the wall though, just a few feet high, and when he shines his light down into it, he can see that there is a sort of recessed area there.  It will be cramped, but they’ll be able to fit into it, and more importantly the monster will not.  “In here,” Sebastian says, gesturing to the hole.

 

It is a testament to how much they’ve been through and the trust they’ve developed that Stefano simply crouches down and crawls into the hole without protest, or maybe Stefano just doesn’t feel like he has any other option.  Either way, Sebastian follows him in, and they end up sitting side by side in the small space, with Stefano pinned between Sebastian and the wall.

 

Sebastian cuts off the flashlight, and Stefano dims the lantern, and they wait in the pitch dark.  They can still hear the creature’s footsteps, but they don’t seem to be particularly nearby.  Stefano shifts his weight, leaning against Sebastian with a soft sigh.

 

Sebastian wraps an arm around him, leaning back a little so that Stefano can rest his head on his chest.  “Are you okay?” he asks, because he isn’t sure if he even got an answer to that question the first time he asked it.  “Did Riker hurt you?”

 

“No,” Stefano replies, though even in the dark, Sebastian can tell that he isn’t telling the whole truth.  His voice gives him away, and Sebastian simply waits.  “Not any more than usual,” Stefano adds finally.

 

“Are you still hurting from the other injuries?” Sebastian asks, his hand unconsciously moving down Stefano’s side until Stefano flinches, and he pulls his hand back, not wanting to cause him any additional discomfort.

 

“A little,” Stefano says breathlessly.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian replies.  “I didn’t mean to-”

 

“Shhh.”  Stefano’s hand is suddenly covering his mouth, and in the silence he realizes that the footsteps are in the hallway right outside their hiding place.  He can’t actually see the creature, but he can hear the heavy booted feet passing by, and he holds his breath until they fade into the distance.

 

“It’s alright,” whispers Stefano, removing his hand from Sebastian’s mouth.  “You did not know.  And you have been very kind to me.”

 

Sebastian isn’t sure whether the fact that Stefano still has pain in his abdomen is a good sign or not.  On one hand, it could be the hallmark of the damage being done to his physical body, but on the other, if he is having this kind of pain, doesn’t that mean that he is probably still attached to his physical body somehow?

 

Thinking too hard about Jimenez’s theories makes Sebastian’s head hurt, so instead he turns in the dark and presses a kiss to Stefano’s temple, and in the next moment Stefano’s hands on either side of his face, and Stefano’s mouth is on his.  It’s absolutely the wrong time and place for this, but Stefano’s lips are firm against his and Stefano’s tongue is teasing its way into his mouth, and soon his tongue is involved as well, sliding easily over Stefano’s, and it feels easy and natural and perfect to be exploring Stefano’s mouth like this, hearing the little sighs and feeling Stefano trying to squirm closer to him in the small space.

 

When they separate, he is breathing hard and Stefano’s body is warm against his, and he has the crazy impulse to kiss him again, to find some way to lay him down right here in their little shelter and make love to him, to treat him the way that he deserves to be treated after so many years of suffering, but that can’t happen now.  They have much more pressing concerns.

 

“I saw Ruvik again,” he whispers to Stefano.

 

“Oh?” Stefano breathes.  “What happened?”

 

“He took me to his childhood home, said I needed to learn about his past.”

 

“And did you?” Stefano asks.

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian murmurs.  “And it was pretty fucking weird.  I had to solve some puzzles.”

 

“That must have been a terrible strain for you,” Stefano says, and because Sebastian can’t see his face in the dark, it takes him a moment to realize that Stefano is poking fun at him, and in that moment he is catching a fleeting glimpse of the confident, playful man he met in Krimson’s red light district so many nights ago.

 

He chuckles.  “I managed.”  Just then, he remembers the culmination of the puzzles, the safe in the door at Ruvik’s house, and the combination for that safe, and he wonders whether it might somehow be related to the monster they are dealing with now.  “I actually had to open a safe just like the one on that thing’s face to open a door in there.”

 

“Really?” Stefano asks, sounding suddenly very interested.  “Do you remember the combination?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian answers.  “August 3rd\- the date of the fire that injured Ruvik and his sister.  Eight on the upper dial and three on the lower one.”

 

“Interesting,” Stefano says.  “Do you suppose that could have something to do with this creature?”

 

“I don’t know,” Sebastian replies.  “But it’s worth a try.  Weapons don’t seem to be affecting it at all, and we’re running out of options.”

 

“How exactly do you propose we get it to hold still long enough to dial in a number?”

 

Sebastian actually has a ready answer for this question.  “How about your camera?”

 

There is a moment of silence before Stefano replies, “Yes, I suppose that could be done, though I would have to do the dialing, as you seem to be affected by the camera.”

 

“Right,” Sebastian says.  “Do you think you can do that?  Without getting hurt, I mean?”

 

“I believe so,” Stefano replies, “though we should probably have a backup plan in case it doesn’t work.”

 

“I think our only backup plan is running and hiding again,” Sebastian says.  “I’m completely out of ammo.”

 

“I still have the knife,” Stefano says, “but I am inclined to agree with you.  It seems completely impervious to weapons.”

 

Sebastian nods, before realizing that Stefano can’t see him in the dark.  He voices another thought.  “If we’re going to try something like that, we should probably be out in the open,” he says.  “I don’t think these narrow hallways give us any advantage unless we’re pretty far ahead of it.”

 

“True, though I am unsure how we will ever find our way back to where we were before,” Stefano replies.

 

“I know,” Sebastian agrees.  “It’s a maze in here.  Maybe we can just try to sneak until we find a good place to take him on and then make enough noise to draw him to us?”

 

“That seems to be as good a plan as any,” Stefano answers, “but let me do something first.”

 

Sebastian is about to ask what, but then Stefano’s mouth is on his again, and Stefano’s body is practically in his lap, and his own hands are sliding up and down Stefano’s back.  He has somehow managed to forget all about the monster until Stefano pulls away.

 

“I wanted to do that one more time,” Stefano murmurs, “just in case-”

 

“Don’t,” Sebastian says, this time bringing his hand to Stefano’s mouth.  “We’ll have plenty of time to do that later.”

 

“Of course,” Stefano replies, and Sebastian doesn’t have to see him to know the small smile that is on his face.  He doesn’t think he actually wants to see it, because his chest is already aching with worry for Stefano.  Whether they succeed in defeating this monster or not, Stefano may be out of time before the next kiss or touch or witty remark.

 

They pause then and listen for the footsteps, but they are very faint and very far away, and it seems like a good time to try to find a more advantageous position.  Sebastian is actually a little disappointed to get out of his close quarters with Stefano, but he still manages to drag himself out into the hallway and back to his feet.  He helps Stefano up, and the two of them set off down the hallway in the direction they came, moving quietly and stopping often to check for other footsteps.

 

After a few minutes, they find themselves in another open torch-lit room, this one almost as large as Sebastian’s high school gymnasium.  It’s completely impractical, nearly impossible, for a chamber this size to exist underground, but he is starting to realize that practicality and possibility don’t mean much in STEM.

 

He turns to Stefano.  “Are you ready?”

 

Stefano nods.

 

“Okay,” Sebastian says, before he shouts at the top of his lungs, “Hey!  Over here!”

 

And that is all it takes, because the heavy footsteps are approaching rapidly, and it is all Sebastian can do to turn his body to face the hallway the creature is coming from.  Luckily, Stefano manages to orient himself as well, and as soon as the monster steps into the room, it is frozen in a blue box.

 

Stefano dashes forward into the box himself, standing on tiptoe to reach the creature’s head as his hands go to the dials on the safe.

 

“Eight on the top, three on the bottom,” Sebastian calls out, just in case Stefano has forgotten the combination.

 

Stefano studies the mechanism for a second, and Sebastian wonders how well he can even see them with how tall the monster is and the way Stefano is craning his neck.  Stefano manipulates each dial, and waits for a moment.  Sebastian can’t see his face, but he starts to move in closer, afraid something is going wrong.  The safe is not opening, and Stefano adjusts the dials again, then steps back out of the box.

 

“Are you sure that’s the code?” Stefano asks.  “It’s not opening.”

 

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Sebastian says.  “That was the date of the fire.”  His mind is working furiously, because they don’t have much time, and that box is going to break any second.  The date of the fire was what let him open the door in Ruvik’s house, what let him gain access to one of Ruvik’s most important memories.  He has one more idea.

 

“Unless…” he begins.  “…unless there’s a particular date that’s important to you?”

 

Stefano whirls around, and his eye is wide, almost angry, but neither of them has time to speak, because the box breaks and the creature is free.  Stefano turns abruptly to face it again.  He is already raising his camera, but the creature isn’t attacking.  It seems to consider Stefano for a moment.  Then it drops to one knee, the whole room shaking under its weight.

 

Stefano is visibly shaking as well as he approaches again.  Sebastian wants to call to him, to tell him to back off and wait until they can freeze the monster again, but a pulse of energy rips through him, a wave of cold static, followed by another, and Sebastian realizes that they are coming from the monster, the same way they were coming from Ruvik the last time.

 

As the creature is now kneeling, Stefano doesn’t have to reach above his head this time.  He reaches out, turning the top dial and then the bottom one, though Sebastian is too far away to see the numbers he is dialing in.  There is a loud, metallic clunk, and the door to the safe swings open an instant before the room is plunged into darkness.

 

 

 


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He turns back to the streetlight, because it is still his only consistent point on the horizon, and if Stefano is in here, then he is very likely heading for it as well. Now he is following the trails into a quieter, more wooded area of the park that he doesn’t frequent. In fact, he can only think of one time he’s been in here, and that was to process a crime scene.
> 
> The street lamp is leading him off the trails now, back into the woods, but he follows, pushing branches aside and stepping over fallen logs, until he reaches a small clearing illuminated by the light, and what he sees there makes him stop dead in his tracks, heart pounding in his chest.

 

 

With the sudden darkness comes the high-pitched scream of static, but this time there is a real, human scream in the noise as well, a woman’s, from the sound of it.  It is not the same scream that Sebastian heard when Laura was dying in the fire, but he is immediately reminded of that moment, and it sends a shiver up his spine.

 

Sebastian can’t tell exactly what’s happening, but he has a strange sense that the environment is rearranging itself around him.  He has to get to Stefano, has to hold on to Stefano so they don’t get separated again, but he is blind and there is no floor under his feet, and he can’t even tell which way is up.  He’s not exactly falling, but he’s not touching anything solid either, and the static and the screaming are filling his brain and even in the darkness he closes his eyes and covers his ears with his hands just to try to block some of it out.

 

A few seconds later it’s all over.  His feet are on the ground again, though it isn’t hard like the cement floor of the room they were in.  It feels more like grass, and he wonders if they can possibly be outdoors.  The static and the screaming ends abruptly, almost as though someone just unplugged the machine that is creating the noise, and somehow it is raining.

 

He opens his eyes and lowers his arms, and he can hear the drops pattering all around him, can feel them hitting his face, his arms, his clothes.  A flash of lightning splits the darkness, followed by a crash of thunder.  Sebastian can’t see enough to orient himself, but he has to find Stefano, because Stefano is not going to like this at all.

 

He fumbles for his flashlight, but nothing happens when he tries to switch it on, and he puts it away in his pocket.  Apparently that’s not an option for him right now.  He turns slowly in a circle, seeking out any other light source besides the sporadic flashes of lightning, and spots what looks like a street light off in the distance.

 

He opens his mouth to call for Stefano, but no matter how hard he tries, no noise will come out.  It’s like a nightmare where he wants to scream for help but can’t produce a sound, and that kind of nightmare is all too familiar to him since the fire.  With no other options, he begins to walk toward the street light through the lightning and thunder and the pelting rain.

 

As he walks, he steps off the grass and onto a hard-surface path, paved in asphalt like the bike trails at Krimson City Park.  The next flash of lightning illuminates some familiar scenery, and Sebastian realizes that he is actually in Krimson City Park.  The parking lot is off to his left, and the picnic shelters and playground are to his right.

 

It’s not a big surprise to him that his subconscious could come up with this, although he doesn’t understand why it is happening at this moment.  He still can’t resist a look over at the swing set, and as he expected, Lily’s favorite swing is moving gently in an imaginary breeze.

 

He turns back to the streetlight, because it is still his only consistent point on the horizon, and if Stefano is in here, then he is very likely heading for it as well.  Now he is following the trails into a quieter, more wooded area of the park that he doesn’t frequent.  In fact, he can only think of one time he’s been in here, and that was to process a crime scene.

 

The street lamp is leading him off the trails now, back into the woods, but he follows, pushing branches aside and stepping over fallen logs, until he reaches a small clearing illuminated by the light, and what he sees there makes him stop dead in his tracks, heart pounding in his chest.

 

The body is just as he remembers it- the headless body that would later be identified as Emily Lewis laid out in a patch of wildflowers.  She is wearing a blue dress and large green jeweled necklace, and there is a rose under her hands, which are clasped on her chest.  There is a bright flash of lightning just then, illuminating the other figure at the scene.

 

Stefano kneels beside Emily’s body, heedless of the mud on his pants, the way the rain has soaked him through to his skin, seemingly not even affected by the thunder and lightning as the storm continues around them.  His face is buried in his hands, and his shoulders are shaking with sobs that Sebastian can’t hear over the rain and the thunder.

 

Sebastian tries to call out again, but his vocal chords are still paralyzed, so he takes a step forward into the clearing, then another.  There is a vague idea forming in his head of what this could mean, but he will not jump to that conclusion.  He will not assume that what STEM is showing him is true.  He needs to hear it from Stefano.

 

A few more steps bring him close enough to place a hand on Stefano’s shoulder.  His touch is gentle, but Stefano cowers away from him as though he has been struck.  His eye is wide with fear, and he is as pale as a ghost, still shaking as he braces himself for what he clearly thinks is going to be an attack.  He is still on the ground, hands raised defensively, and Sebastian tries to say his name, to reassure him that, whatever is going here, Sebastian is not going to hurt him, but he still can’t make a sound, and so instead he drops to his knees beside Stefano and wraps his arms around him, pulling Stefano’s wet, shaking body against his.

 

For a split-second, he can feel Stefano melt against him, but then Stefano is in motion, struggling, planting his hands on Sebastian’s chest to shove him away.

 

“Stefano!  Stefano!” Sebastian says, finally finding his voice as he falls back into a sitting position on the wet ground.  “It’s alright.  It’s me.”

 

“Yes, it is you,” Stefano says, his voice harsher, sharper than usual as he rises to his feet above Sebastian.  “And now you know what I have done, Sebastian.  You can see what kind of man I am.”

 

Sebastian’s mind is reeling, both at the sudden change in Stefano’s demeanor and the now seemingly inescapable fact that he is the one who killed Emily Lewis.  He opens his mouth, but before he can say anything, Stefano is speaking again.  This time the harshness has gone out of his voice, and he only sounds very tired and very sad.

 

“There is only one more thing I must ask you, Sebastian,” he says.  “What is the price of your silence?”

 

Between the next flash of lightning and crash of thunder, in the next horrible moment of looking at Stefano’s face, how despairing, how beaten down he looks, Sebastian realizes who was actually here in the park that night in his stead, realizes what the price of Slade’s silence was.  He is on his feet in an instant, grabbing Stefano by the shoulders harder than he really intends to.

 

“No!” he practically shouts in Stefano’s face.  “I would never…”  His voice trails off as he realizes that he isn’t sure what he is actually saying.  That he will keep Stefano’s secret?  That he will not be as cruel as Slade?  That there is nothing Stefano can offer him that would stop him from taking this information to the authorities?

 

“I suspected as much,” Stefano says, his tone a bit wistful now.  “Because, as you said on the first night we met, you are a decent human being- one of a very few decent men I have ever met.  And if your silence can’t be bought, then I suppose I know what awaits me if I ever escape from STEM.”

 

“No, Stefano, I-” Sebastian stutters, because this is a lot to take in, and he doesn’t even know what all of it means right now, but the most urgent thing in his mind is to make sure Stefano knows that he is still safe with him.  “Look, I just… I need some time… I don’t know.”  He knows he isn’t making any sense, and Stefano starts to pull out of his grasp, but Sebastian holds on.  “Just, please don’t leave, okay?  Just give me some time.”  In that moment, he wants nothing more than to comfort Stefano, to make him feel safe and secure, whoever he is and whatever he’s done.

 

“As you wish,” Stefano says, and then the storm is fading away, and the world around them is changing, walls springing up out of the forest and trees turning into furniture, and Emily’s body disappearing until they are in some sort of small living space with a wood burning stove and a couch and a small kitchen area.  Sebastian lets go of Stefano in his surprise.

 

“Did you do that?” he asks.

 

Stefano shakes his head, swaying slightly on his feet.  He looks completely shell-shocked and is shivering violently.  Sebastian returns his hands to Stefano’s shoulders, supporting him as he glances around the room.  This place seems to be as safe as anywhere is in STEM, and he and Stefano are both drenched, their clothes literally dripping water on the floor.

 

“How about we get you out of those wet clothes?” he asks.

 

Stefano nods, though Sebastian suspects that Stefano would comply with anything he suggests under the current circumstances.  He is legitimately concerned that Stefano is going to develop hypothermia if he doesn’t get out of these clothes though, so he begins to undress him, carefully removing each wet article and hanging them on chairs by the stove in hopes that maybe they’ll dry out at least a little by the time they have to leave.

 

Stefano is utterly unresponsive the entire time.  Even when Sebastian removes his underwear, leaving him completely exposed, he only stands there shivering and looking straight ahead.  Sebastian heaves a sigh.  Clearly there is a conversation they need to have, but Stefano is in no condition to have it at the moment.

 

He spots a blanket on the back of the couch and wraps it around Stefano, then guides him onto the couch, gently pushing him into a sitting position in hopes that being warmer and in more comfortable surroundings will start to bring him around.  Of course, there is a limit to how comfortable one can truly be in STEM.

 

He crouches down next to Stefano, one hand on his back, rubbing slow circles as he looks for some sign of responsiveness.  The one he gets is not what he is expecting.

 

“Sebastian?” Stefano says.  His voice is still flat and his eye is unfocused.  “Aren’t you wearing wet clothes as well?”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian says, smiling a little at this sign that Stefano is at least aware of what is going on around him.  “I guess I am.”

 

“I know I have no right to ask you for anything now,” Stefano says with a sigh.  “But would you take them off and lie down with me?”

 

“Of course,” Sebastian replies automatically.  His mind is still reeling, because some part of him knows that the man in front of him has to be the one who killed Emily Lewis.  He supposes it’s possible that there was someone else present in the clearing with them or that this is some trick of STEM, but Stefano’s reaction is what gives everything away, what makes Sebastian so sure that there is at least some truth to what he now believes.

 

Stefano sits, wrapped in a blanket and staring straight ahead, as Sebastian strips off his own clothes, wringing them out a little bit before draping them over the furniture next to Stefano’s.  Now that he looks around a little more, this place is starting to look at least somewhat familiar, and he thinks it may be his uncle’s hunting cabin.  He hasn’t been here since he was a teenager, so it’s weird that it would suddenly appear in STEM, but he supposes that it was a place of escape, of retreat from the rest of the world, so maybe it’s appropriate in this context.

 

When Sebastian finishes undressing, he approaches the couch again.  He doesn’t have the presence of mind to be self-conscious about his nudity, and it seems that Stefano doesn’t either, because he simply shifts over, adjusting himself and the blanket to make room for Sebastian.

 

After a few attempts to arrange themselves comfortably, they end up lying on their sides facing each other.  Stefano is between Sebastian and the back of the couch, and he glances hesitantly up at Sebastian, hair pushed out of the way to expose the scarring around his right eye socket, before he scoots a little closer, wraps his arms around Sebastian and buries his face in his neck.

 

Sebastian pulls him close, because he can’t deny him comfort, even knowing what he knows, and then the sobbing begins- deep, powerful spasms that rack Stefano’s whole body as he clutches at Sebastian like a drowning man.  Sebastian is struck by the fact that this is the first time he’s seen Stefano cry like this, and that seems like a big deal, because Stefano is obviously very good at controlling his emotions.  He’s kept his composure through everything else, being humiliated by Slade and beaten by Riker and violated by Jimenez, and Sebastian’s heart aches to see him so utterly broken, to feel Stefano’s tears on his skin.

 

“It’s okay,” he murmurs, holding Stefano close.  He wants to tell him that none of this matters and none of it changes anything between them, but he isn’t sure that’s true, because if Stefano committed a murder, that is potentially a big problem for him.  He settles for vaguer assurances.  “I’ve got you,” he says.  “You’re safe with me.”

 

He runs his hands up and down Stefano’s back and sides, hoping to warm him up a little bit.  Stefano’s skin is still cool and a little damp.  The first pass of his hands makes Stefano go stiff in his arms, and Sebastian knows enough by now to realize that Stefano is trying to determine whether this is a sexual advance that he needs to respond to.  “Relax,” Sebastian says, “Just trying to warm you up.”  Stefano sighs and hugs him tighter and goes back to sobbing into his neck.

 

After several minutes of holding and rubbing and crying, Stefano’s sobs are turning into deep, harsh breathes, and he pulls back to look at Sebastian.  “Why are you still here with me?” he asks.  “Do you not find me abhorrent now?”

 

“No,” Sebastian replies, raising his hand to caress the undamaged side of Stefano’s face, which is still red and streaked with tears.  “But I don’t understand.  Can you tell me what happened?”

 

Stefano swallows audibly but nods.

 

“No more secrets?” Sebastian asks, because at this point he is going to need complete honesty in order to have any hope of understanding and being able to trust Stefano again.

 

“No more secrets,” Stefano agrees.

 

Sebastian shifts his hand under the blanket to Stefano’s waist, giving him an encouraging squeeze.  “You said Emily modelled for you before?” he prompts.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, voice a little hoarse and shaky.  “She was such a lovely young lady.  She posed for me on several occasions.”  He pauses.  “I… I do not know how to explain this, Sebastian.  It may not even make sense to someone who is not an artist, but at that time I felt that my work had gone stagnant.  I came to Krimson City from Florence because my work in Florence was not well-received, and I wanted to start over with a new audience, somewhere my reputation did not precede me.”

 

He pauses to take a breath and Sebastian simply waits.

 

“But it was much the same in Krimson, and the critics were quite harsh.  Their reviews used words like ‘uninspired’, ‘emotionless’, ‘lacks vision’, but I had vision,” Stefano insists, his voice becoming more confident.  “I had such vision, but it was not coming across in my photographs or on my canvas or in my sculptures.  And I knew that, if I was ever going to be appreciated in my time, I had to take my art to the next level.”

 

Sebastian is a little alarmed that Stefano’s idea of taking his art to the next level apparently involved committing murder, but he asked Stefano to explain, and he is going to hear him out, no matter how bad it gets.

 

“I am not… how can I explain this… I do not have the greatest emotional range myself, despite what happened a few moments ago.”  Stefano drops his gaze, looking down at the blanket or at Sebastian’s chest instead of meeting his eyes.  “But I knew that to improve my work, to allow others to connect with my work, I needed to evoke emotion, and the obvious answer, for me at least, was to put emotion into the process of creation.

 

“Emily and I were friends, and she was very kind to me, but we did not have the sort of relationship that creates strong emotions, and so on the day of our final collaboration, I was employing various techniques to try to draw emotions out of her.”  Stefano hesitates, and Sebastian waits for him to continue, because he has some idea where this is going.  “And the one that seemed to be the most effective- the one that was coming through in the photographs- was fear.  I’d had my knife for years already, but I had never used it for anything of significance.  That day I was drawing it across her skin, letting the camera click away on its own as I brought her to the edge over and over again- the edge of true fear, I mean, because for just a moment, she would look as though she actually believed I was going to hurt her, and then the next moment we would go back to being photographer and model again.”

 

Stefano sighs.  “It was… exhilarating for me as well, in a way, but after a while it stopped working.  She stopped responding, and I had to push it farther and farther until… until I went too far.”  He presses his face to Sebastian’s chest so that the rest of his words come out muffled.  “I was holding the knife to her throat, trying to use enough pressure to make her afraid of me, to capture her fear again, but she was defiant this time, and I pressed harder and harder until she was not defiant any longer.”  He takes a deep breath.  “I cut her throat, Sebastian.  She bled out there in my studio.”

 

There is a cold weight settling in Sebastian’s chest, because this is bad.

 

“If it matters,” Stefano adds, his face still hidden against Sebastian.  “I did not intend to kill her.  I regretted it the moment it happened, and I have regretted it every day since.”

 

Sebastian has no words.  He isn’t sure what he was hoping to hear, isn’t sure if there is anything that could possibly be mitigating enough to make Stefano’s behavior excusable in any way, but even if he accepts Stefano’s representation that Emily’s death was an accident, that’s still involuntary manslaughter at best.

 

Stefano continues, “I was in such a panic that I… decapitated her in hopes that it would make her harder to identify, and then I took her body to the park.”

 

Sebastian turns this over in his mind.  The detective in him thinks only of the victim, of how terrified Emily must have been in those final moments, but if he sets aside the investigative lens, he can also see Stefano, caught up in the moment and desperate to advance his artistic career, making one stupid, reckless, life-altering mistake.  He realizes that Stefano has paused in his story.

 

“And what happened at the park?” asks Sebastian.

 

“As it turned out, I was not alone,” Stefano continues.  “Slade was there, perhaps conducting a drug transaction.  I cannot be sure, but he saw me leaving her body there, and apparently for him that was an opportunity.”

 

Stefano sighs deeply again before he continues.  “I asked him the price of his silence.”  He pulls back to look Sebastian in the eyes.  “I was so afraid Sebastian,” he says, “so afraid of going to prison, of losing everything I had been working for, all of my hopes and dreams.  And when Slade told me what I would have to do, what could I say?  It was the only way for me to keep my freedom.”

 

Sebastian is about to point out that being one of Slade’s escorts is a dubious definition of freedom, but apparently it is meaningful to Stefano.

 

Stefano is shaking in his arms again, though this time Sebastian doesn’t think it is from the cold.  “He had me take him to my apartment first, and he collected all of my documents, my passport, what little money and assets I had, and then he brought me back to the house on Calvert Street, and he and Young and Lance and several of their friends-”

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian cuts in. “You don’t have to tell me about that-”

 

“Listen to me, Sebastian,” Stefano interrupts, his voice firm.  “You need to hear all of it.  I need you to hear all of it.  There were seven or eight men there, and I did have some idea what was expected of me.”

 

“What?” Sebastian can’t suppress his reaction now, and he takes Stefano by the shoulders and pulls back to look into his face.  “You mean you’d never done that before?”

 

Sebastian realizes he must be raising his voice a little, because Stefano flinches and shakes his head ‘no’.  “You’d never been raped before or you’d never had sex with a man before?” he asks.  He can actually feel his heart pounding in his ribcage as he waits for Stefano’s response.  Stefano shakes his head again, dropping his gaze down to the blanket.

 

“Neither,” he says quietly.  “And it wasn’t rape.  It may not have been much of a choice, but it was a choice.”

 

“No,” Sebastian says quietly, because the way Stefano is describing this, it was no choice at all.  “If you did it because he threatened to report you, then it was rape.”

 

Stefano lets out a long, shaky breath, and without thinking, Sebastian is pulling Stefano against him, holding him tightly, maybe too tightly.  He hasn’t forgotten about Emily.  He can’t forget about Emily, but he also can’t stop himself from doing this, because what Stefano must have experienced that night- the pain and the terror and the humiliation- is too horrible to contemplate.  Sebastian wants to wrap himself around Stefano, to protect him, to cleanse him of every bad experience he has had in that horrible place, to promise him that it will never happen again.

 

This also explains a lot of Stefano’s behavior, because if all of his sexual experience, with men at least, was gained at Slade’s and happened under duress, if his only significant relationship has been with Riker, then of course he doesn’t understand how anything is supposed to work.  If no one has ever shown concern for his feelings or his pleasure, and if his own arousal and climax have only been used to shame him, then of course it’s difficult for him to experience anything else when he is being intimate with someone.

 

All of these thoughts are still swirling around in his head when Stefano pushes at his chest.  “Please, let me finish.”

 

Sebastian loosens his hold enough that Stefano can shift away a little bit, but his hands are still on Stefano’s waist.

 

“I understand how you may view this,” Stefano says, “but for me it was a choice.  It was a choice I made every day, every client, every moment- a choice about whether refusing would be worth giving up my freedom.”

 

Sebastian can’t restrain himself this time.  “That’s not freedom, Stefano.  That’s just a different kind of imprisonment.  That’s… that’s slavery,” he says finally.

 

“Be that as it may,” Stefano says evenly.  “It was still my choice.”  He pauses, then adds, “And that is why I must know the price of your silence, if there is one.  Undoubtedly I will have another choice to make.”

 

“No,” Sebastian says quickly.  “There’s no price, no blackmail, nothing like that.”   He fumbles with the words in his head.  “I need to think.  I need to decide how to handle this, but I promise that I’m not going to ask for anything like that from you.  You should know that.  We had this discussion the first night we met.”

 

“Ah, but the stakes are much higher now,” Stefano points out.  “There is almost nothing I would refuse you in exchange for your silence.”

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian says with a sigh, “I’ve said it before, but I would never do anything to you against your will-”

 

“It would not be against my will,” Stefano interrupts.  “I would be choosing to do it in order to preserve my freedom.  This also would be my choice.”

 

Sebastian is silent for a moment, because this concept of choice is obviously very important to Stefano, and it isn’t hard for Sebastian to imagine that this is how Stefano kept himself going, how he endured for the last three years- by knowing that he did have another option that he could exercise if he wished.  It still sounds like slavery to Sebastian though, and it raises some other pretty important questions.

 

“Do you even like having sex with men?” Sebastian blurts out.  He almost regrets it afterward but not quite, because if Stefano’s only experience with men has been accomplished using force and threats, then it doesn’t seem fair to make any inferences about Stefano’s sexuality from that.  “I mean, are you even attracted to men?”

 

Stefano sighs as though he is indulging a fairly ridiculous question.  “Yes, of course I am attracted to men, Sebastian.  You remember the other morning in the motel, yes?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian nods, not entirely sure where this is going.

 

“I remember it as well,” Stefano says.  “I remember the warmth of your skin, the way you smelled, the way you tasted.”  He is practically purring now, and Sebastian shivers at his voice.  “I remember how thick you were inside me, how perfectly you stretched me open, how gently you touched me, how kind you were with your words and your hands.  Stefano’s whole body is pressed up against him now, and Sebastian swears that he can feel Stefano’s cock, hard against his lower belly.

 

“I remember how beautifully you moved inside me, how good you made me feel,” Stefano murmurs.  He is rubbing up against Sebastian now, and Sebastian is feeling more than a little aroused himself.  “I remember the way you kissed me,” Stefano says, tilting his head back to offer his mouth to Sebastian.

 

Sebastian, lost in the moment, dips his head to cover Stefano’s mouth with his.  The kiss is long and slow and deep, and Stefano’s tongue works him over expertly, advancing until he is practically shaking with excitement, then backing off to allow him to thrust his own tongue into Stefano’s mouth.  His hands have slipped from Stefano’s waist down to his ass, where they are slowly massaging, and he is feeling warm and tingly all over and ready to do much more than kiss Stefano when Stefano pulls back.

 

Stefano reaches for Sebastian’s hand and guides it around between his legs, where Sebastian is pleased to find that his cock is indeed standing at attention.

 

“Are you still worried that I am not attracted to you?” Stefano murmurs as he thrusts into Sebastian’s hand, which forms a loose fist around his cock of its own accord.  It’s exciting to see Stefano taking the lead, to feel Stefano hard in his hand, to hear Stefano’s little gasps as he moves against him, and it does ease some of his worries about his own interactions with Stefano in the past.  But even though Sebastian is wrapped in a haze of lust, he still has doubts about Stefano’s motivations in this moment.

 

It’s entirely possible that this is what Stefano is offering Sebastian in exchange for his silence or that it is a distraction technique intended to divert attention from Emily’s murder, although the fact that Stefano seems to be aroused himself makes those possibilities less likely.  Of course this is also entirely the wrong time for a romantic interlude.

 

“No,” Sebastian says with a faint smile, gently squeezing Stefano’s cock, “but I am worried that you have ulterior motives.”

 

Stefano gasps, his hand tightening on Sebastian’s hip before he answers.  “No ulterior motives… just want to feel good… as good as you made me feel before.”  His hips thrust again and he throws his head back as he continues.  “Please, Sebastian.  I feel so much better now, so much stronger.  Please take me, Sebastian.  Fuck me.”  The last words are a breathless plea, and Sebastian feels a stab of arousal, realizes that he is hard himself, that he does want Stefano, but he also knows that he can’t give Stefano what he wants.

 

“I can’t,” he replies, sounding a little breathless himself.  His brain fumbles to explain all of the reasons why they can’t do this, but settles on the most mundane.  “We don’t have any lube.”  They don’t have any condoms either, but he doesn’t think that wouldn’t matter in STEM.

 

“No need,” Stefano pants.  “I’ll get you nice and wet.”

 

“Fuck,” groans Sebastian, because the memory of Stefano’s mouth on his cock, hot and wet and stroking him so perfectly, is compelling, but he still doesn’t think it’s a good idea.  He may have slept through the preparations that Stefano made last time, but Stefano was so slick on the inside that he must have used something more than saliva to ease the way.

 

Stefano is kissing his way down Sebastian’s chest, no doubt heading for his cock, but Sebastian grabs him by the shoulders and pulls him back up.  “Don’t,” he gasps out.  “I can’t.  Not now.  Not like this.”  He knows he isn’t communicating very effectively, but he is determined that if he is going to be inside Stefano again, they’re going to do it when they have the means to make it comfortable and pleasurable for both of them.

 

“You worry about me far too much,” Stefano replies, his hips still pressing erratically into Sebastian’s hand.  “It’s quite endearing.”

 

“Should I… can we keep doing this?” Sebastian asks, giving Stefano’s cock a little squeeze for emphasis, because he certainly doesn’t want to stop in the middle if Stefano is finally starting to enjoy himself.

 

“Perhaps,” Stefano replies.  “This isn’t… I am not disgusting to you like this?”

 

“No,” Sebastian replies quickly, and he is about to ask why on earth Stefano would think that when he remembers the kinds of things Riker routinely says to him.  “No, you’re beautiful like this, and I’d love to make you feel even better.”

 

Stefano takes a deep breath at that and grabs Sebastian’s upper arms, holding them tightly for leverage as he thrusts harder into Sebastian’s hand.  Sebastian feels hyper-sensitized by his own arousal, alert to every tiny change in Stefano’s breathing, the way the movement of his hips starts to falter as he gets closer and closer, until suddenly he stops moving entirely and his cock goes soft in Sebastian’s hand.

 

“I am sorry,” Stefano says, head bowed.  “I cannot… I do not think I…”

 

“It’s alright,” Sebastian murmurs, releasing Stefano’s cock and wrapping his arms around him.  “That doesn’t matter.  I’m just glad it felt good to you for a while.”

 

Stefano squeezes him tightly, burying his face in Sebastian’s neck again.  “It’s alright,” Sebastian repeats, because now it seems like Stefano is trying to hide.  “You didn’t do anything wrong.”  He kisses the top of Stefano’s head, but Stefano doesn’t respond, so Sebastian just keeps holding him.

 

They lie there like that for a few more minutes, but Sebastian definitely can’t sleep.  There are too many conflicting emotions crashing around inside his head.  On a visceral level, he feels extremely protective of Stefano, but his higher order thinking, the part of his mind that is dedicated to truth and justice, dictates that Stefano must be held accountable for his actions.  Another voice pipes up, offering the solution that perhaps Stefano did deserve to be punished, but hasn’t he suffered enough at Slade’s hands?  On top of that, Sebastian has been rapidly losing faith in KCPD ever since the fugitive squad failed to raid Slade’s house, and he isn’t sure that turning Stefano over to them will actually result in any kind of justice being served.

 

Finally, Stefano pulls back to look at him, and his mind quiets at the sight of Stefano’s face.  This is one of the rare times when Stefano doesn’t appear to be wearing a mask, when Sebastian can actually see the exhaustion and fear and stress etched onto his features.  This is Stefano as he is- not the escort or the murderer or the informant, but the man.  And for a moment, Sebastian feels like he himself is just a man before Stefano- not the washed-up detective, not the grieving father and husband, not the alcoholic workaholic shell of who he used to be.

 

There are going to be some tough decisions ahead, but right now, they are just two men in this hostile nightmare world.  Against all the odds, he trusts Stefano, and that’s enough for now.  He can decide how to handle the new information he has acquired if he ever makes it out of STEM.

 

“Feeling better?” Sebastian asks.

 

“About as well as ever,” Stefano replies with a weak smile.

 

“I guess we should probably keep moving,” Sebastian says, “though I have no idea where we are now.”

 

“I am not sure that it matters where we are,” Stefano replies, sitting up and taking the blanket with him.  “As long as we are getting closer to escaping STEM.”

 

Sebastian sighs, because he doesn’t know if they are any closer to escaping STEM than they were when they first arrived.  He hasn’t seen Ruvik in a while, but he isn’t sure if that’s a good thing or not.  At the moment though, there is nothing to be done but to put on his clothes, go outside, and see how bad things are going to be.

 

 

 


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why did you look angry at me?” he asks. “When I asked if there was a date that was important to you?”
> 
> “Because I knew the date immediately,” Stefano replies, “And I thought that somehow you knew as well.”
> 
> “I know now,” Sebastian points out.
> 
> “Indeed, you do,” Stefano replies.
> 
> They walk for another minute in silence before Stefano asks Sebastian, “What would your date be?”
> 
> Sebastian doesn’t even have to think about that one. “February 11th,” he replies.

 

 

When Sebastian steps out of the cabin, he finds himself in the woods, which seems quite natural at first, but as he pauses to consider the scenery, he realizes that these aren’t the woods of Krimson City Park.  The trees here are tall, mature pines, and the scent of the forest around him is actually very pleasant.  It is still dark outside with no moon visible through the trees, so he cuts on his flashlight, and behind him, Stefano turns up the lantern, and together they can generate enough light to see a path through the woods ahead of them.

 

He turns to look over his shoulder at Stefano, and in silent agreement they both begin to move forward.  There is a bit of a chill in the air, which is strange because Sebastian’s last memories of Krimson were of the ungodly heat, and he is thankful that their clothes managed to mysteriously dry out in front of the fire in the cabin.

 

For all that STEM seems to be a largely hostile environment, there are little things that seem to favor him and Stefano- weapons, caches of ammunition, and the syringes for example.  He wonders whether these are the result of influences on the system besides Ruvik’s or whether they are placed by Ruvik as well in order to encourage them along, to give them some kind of hope that they can survive.

 

Sebastian hasn’t forgotten Ruvik’s words, even though it feels like that conversation was a lifetime ago, and the more he thinks about Ruvik and about Ruvik’s intentions, the less sense all of it seems to make.  First of all, Jimenez explained Ruvik as an echo of Ruben Victoriano that was left in STEM, and that makes Sebastian wonder what happened to the real Ruben Victoriano.  It seems that he didn’t die in the fire as the newspaper reported, based on both what Ruvik told Sebastian and the heavily-bandaged visions of an older Ruben that Sebastian saw in the Victoriano house.

 

Does the fact that Ruvik is active in STEM mean that Ruben is hooked into the system somewhere?  Or that he is within the range of the wireless signal?  Or does it mean that Ruben is dead, that he died in STEM and left an imprint of himself like Jimenez described?  The last possibility seems unlikely, because Ruvik seems much more complex than the other hostile entities they have encountered so far, and much more human.  Now that he has a little more insight into Ruben’s past, Sebastian has several more questions he would like to pose to Jimenez, but no idea if he will ever see Jimenez again.

 

Ruvik’s intentions also become less clear with every event that takes place in STEM.  The tour of his home and his past, culminating in the vision of the barn fire, seem to be designed to invoke Sebastian’s sympathy, maybe to make Sebastian feel like he has something in common with Ruvik, because clearly Ruvik knows about Lily.  But to what end?  Is Ruvik building up to asking something of Sebastian?  Ruvik seems more the type to simply take what he wants, so that seems unlikely as well.

 

Ruvik also said that Sebastian needed to learn things about Stefano, and on that point, he has certainly delivered.  Sebastian is still reeling from the revelation that took place back at the park, so much that when he tries to think too hard about it the sound of the static rises up in his ears, pierces his brain until he can’t think about anything anymore.

 

Try as he might, Sebastian can’t see how forcing him and Stefano to confront Stefano’s past benefits Ruvik at all, unless Stefano’s theory is correct, and Ruvik does simply want to see them suffer.  If that is the case, then he’s been quite successful.  Sebastian feels the weight of a great decision bearing down on him, and Stefano himself seems quite subdued.  In fact, he’s barely said a word to Sebastian since they put their clothes on.

 

Sebastian turns this over in his mind and tries to break it down into smaller pieces so that the static noise doesn’t overwhelm him.  Stefano killed Emily Lewis.  There is no question about that at this point.  According to him, it was unintentional, but as far as Sebastian is concerned holding a knife to anyone’s throat, for any reason, is beyond reckless.  Sebastian isn’t sure that he can get past that, isn’t sure that there is any excuse or explanation or anything that happened afterward that would make a difference in his assessment of that initial action.

 

What keeps tripping him up is that the Stefano he knows, the Stefano walking behind him here in this deep, lonely forest, doesn’t seem like a killer.  Sebastian has worked murder cases before of course in his time on the Homicide Squad.  He has interviewed murders, and while there is a vast range of characteristics and personality types that present in those situations, there is something about Stefano’s confession and his subsequent behavior that doesn’t quite add up.

 

Even if it is one possible explanation for these events, it still seems strange that a proud, confident, intelligent man who was determined to rise to the top of the art world would give all of that up.  Surely Stefano is smarter than Slade, because Slade is an idiot, and Stefano has to know that, so why would Stefano agree to Slade’s terms, particularly when they were so unimaginably horrible?  Why not leave town or try to outmaneuver Slade somehow?

 

Of course, maybe Stefano really did believe that he was out of options, but Sebastian is starting to get the nagging feeling that there is still something Stefano is not telling him, even though he promised there would be no more secrets.  Sebastian is about to try to analyze this further, but the static comes back in full force and for a moment he almost has to put his hands over his ears to try to block it out.

 

Apparently he does actually make some sort of reflexive movement, because Stefano’s voice comes from behind him.  “Are you alright Sebastian?”

 

“Yeah,” he replies quickly.  “I’m fine.”  He doesn’t even have to glance behind him to imagine the look of skepticism on Stefano’s face, but he also knows that Stefano isn’t really in a position to question anything he does right now.  That rubs him the wrong way a little bit, because one of the things that he’s prided himself on for this whole investigation is treating Stefano like an equal, and now that balance has shifted.

 

The way Stefano follows silently behind him, the way that he yields immediately to what Sebastian suggests, reminds Sebastian strongly of the way that Stefano interacts with Slade and Riker, and that bothers him, because even if Stefano is a murderer, even if Sebastian is going to turn him in to KCPD at the earliest opportunity, he is still going to treat him with respect and basic human decency.  He turns to face Stefano, who stops short, the lantern illuminating both of them.

 

“Look,” he begins, “I know we’re dealing with some pretty heavy stuff, but I think in the short term we just need to focus on getting out of here alive.  If we can manage that then I can figure out what to do about… the other thing.”

 

“Very well,” Stefano says, his expression unreadable.

 

“I mean it, Stefano,” Sebastian says with a sigh, because clearly he is not getting through.  “I don’t know what to do right now, and I need some time to think, and I just… I just need to know that you’re still in this with me.”

 

Stefano looks surprised, then appears to be scrutinizing Sebastian’s face.  Sebastian can actually see some of the tension leaving his body, can see his expression relaxing before he speaks.  “Yes, I am still in this with you,” Stefano says, looking cautiously hopeful, “if you’ll have me.”

 

“Wait,” Sebastian says.  “Did you actually think I would abandon you here because of something that happened years ago?”  For some reason, it hasn’t even occurred to him to distance himself from Stefano in STEM, maybe because STEM seems so far removed from the real world.

 

“Perhaps,” Stefano says with a shrug.  “That moment has shaped so much of my life that I have come to expect the worst.”

 

“Don’t worry,” Sebastian says, reaching out to squeeze Stefano’s shoulder.  “I’m not leaving you in here- at least not if I can help it.”  He doesn’t say it out loud, because they both know it by now, but if Ruvik wants them separated, they’re not going to have a choice.  Stefano smiles faintly, and they both turn to continue walking, side by side this time.

 

“Can I ask you a few more questions?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  There is a hard edge to his voice, a hint that he may be building up his walls again, but there are some things that Sebastian needs to know, some things that might impact their future actions in STEM.

 

“Was the combination to open the safe…?”

 

“The date of Emily’s death,” Stefano replies.  “As you said, the month and then the day.”

 

“Thanks,” Sebastian says.  “I don’t know if that’ll come up again, but I’ve seen it twice now.”

 

“Well, if we see it again, it will be your turn to dial in a date,” Stefano replies, a hint of humor in a voice that mostly sounds tired.

 

Sebastian remembers something then- the fact that Stefano seemed to have some inexplicable insight into the safe-headed creature.  “Had you seen that safe-headed monster before?” he asks.  “Before we saw it together, I mean?”

 

“No,” Stefano replies.  “The first time I saw it was with you in the hallway with the bear traps.”

 

“It just seemed like you knew… things about it- like when you said we needed to fight it or how you reacted when I mentioned the combination.”  He raises an eyebrow at Stefano.  “Remember, no more secrets.”

 

Stefano pauses before he answers, “It is the camera.”  He taps his pocket where the camera is stowed away.  “I am afraid that I do not entirely understand it myself, but it does give me insights.”

 

“Like when we were trying to decide which way to go?” Sebastian asks, recalling how Stefano had pointed the camera down each hallway and snapped a photo.

 

“Yes, exactly,” Stefano replies.  “Using the camera, I could see… pieces of something.  They were incomplete, but I believe I was seeing something that would happen if we went down each hallway… or perhaps something that could happen.  I cannot be sure.”

 

“And why did you choose the one we went down?” Sebastian asks, because if Stefano was able to predict that they would be separated or pursued by the safe-headed creature, then it probably wasn’t the obvious choice.

 

“Because the other two were worse,” Stefano says with a shiver.  Sebastian considers following up on what the other two options were, but decides that it’s not a priority at the moment.

 

“And did the one we chose play out the way you saw in the camera?” he asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  “In hindsight it was very clear, though I only saw hints of it when I initially took the picture.”

 

“Wow,” Sebastian says, because if the camera has some sort of future-predicting abilities, then that is a very handy skill to know about.  “And I thought it just slowed down time.”

 

“It does that as well, as you have seen,” Stefano says, sounding vaguely proud.  “And when I was using that effect to slow down the creature, I was also able to catch glimpses of us interacting with it.  For example, I could see us fighting it, so I believed we would have to fight it at some point, though clearly that proved ineffective.”

 

Sebastian makes a noncommittal noise, and Stefano continues, “And I saw myself turning the dials, though until you explained the puzzle you encountered, I did not know what the combination would be.”

 

“Yeah, you scared the shit out of me when you tried the second time,” Sebastian says, remembering how shocked he was when the creature had broken out of the box and Stefano had approached it to enter the combination anyway.  “Did you know that it would let you do that?”

 

“In the vision I saw, it was kneeling down,” Stefano replies, “so I had some idea, and I knew that I would have to be the one to do it.”

 

Sebastian remembers something else then- the look on Stefano’s face before he turned to dial in the combination.  “Why did you look angry at me?” he asks.  “When I asked if there was a date that was important to you?”

 

“Because I knew the date immediately,” Stefano replies, “And I thought that somehow you knew as well.”

 

“I know now,” Sebastian points out.

 

“Indeed, you do,” Stefano replies.

 

They walk for another minute in silence before Stefano asks Sebastian, “What would your date be?”

 

Sebastian doesn’t even have to think about that one. “February 11th,” he replies.

 

“The date of the fire?” Stefano asks.

 

“Yes,” Sebastian replies.  He can’t think of anything more to say.  There is a sinking feeling in his gut that he is going to have to enter that date at some point.  It fits too well with what Ruvik told him.  His own memories are the only ones he hasn’t been forced to confront yet, at least not in detail.

 

“How long do you suppose we’ve been missing in the real world?” Stefano asks.  “Do you think someone will come looking for us?”

 

“I don’t know,” Sebastian replies.  “There’s probably no way to tell.  And no one came looking for all of the other victims, so I doubt they’ll notice us.”

 

“But you are a detective,” Stefano points out.  “Surely someone in your department will notice you are missing, even if some of them are working for Slade.”

 

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Sebastian says, suddenly regretting the ‘no more secrets’ policy, because now he’s going to have to come clean to Stefano.  “I’m actually on leave,” he says.

 

“Were you not investigating just before we entered STEM?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian replies, “but I was kind of investigating on my own.  I’ve been on leave since the day before I got you out of jail.”

 

“What?”  Now Stefano is stopping and turning to face Sebastian, a look of alarm on his face.  He takes a moment to collect himself before he adds, “I know what Slade’s agenda was in dealing with you, but what were your intentions in dealing with Slade if not as an investigator?”

 

“Well, I was investigating,” Sebastian replies, placing emphasis on the word.  “It just wasn’t an investigation sanctioned by KCPD.  When I presented them with the information you gave in the debrief, they shut me down almost immediately- fast enough that it was suspicious actually, and I just couldn’t stop thinking that you had a real lead on this case, on all of these disappearances, but no one was going to do anything about it unless I did it myself.”

 

“Was there any other reason?” Stefano asks.  He begins to walk again, and Sebastian keeps pace with him.  “Perhaps something personal?”

 

“Yeah, I guess so,” Sebastian says, wondering how Stefano knew to ask this question.  “I told you about my wife, Myra, how she was a missing person?  Or at least, she’s technically a missing person.  Everyone on the force assumed that she just left me, and that’s what I was starting to believe too until I saw that picture of her in your notebook.

 

“She’s not like the others, not like the dead prostitutes and drug addicts and the other missing people, but I guess I thought that somehow this investigation might bring me closer to figuring out what happened to her.  But if you’re saying she’s working for Jimenez then I’m more confused than ever.”

 

“Hmm,” Stefano hums.  “I was trying to determine why Slade was so interested in you specifically.”

 

“Specifically?” Sebastian asks.  “You mean I wasn’t just another one of his test subjects?”

 

“No,” Stefano replies.  “That is to say, you were indeed a test subject to him, but he went out of his way to involve you.”

 

“What do you mean?” Sebastian asks, because there is a suspicion growing in the back of his mind, and if Stefano is still adhering to the ‘no more secrets’ rule, then it’s something he should be able to resolve now.

 

Stefano’s mouth twists to the side and his gaze shifts down to the ground.  “When I called him from the jail after you arrested me, he told me that I was to engage you as a client, essentially that I would pose as an informant to get you into his house.  He took over from there.”

 

“What?” Sebastian says sharply.  “Are you serious?  You were playing me that early on?  I mean, I knew you were playing me, but I thought it was just to get out of jail.  Holy shit, Stefano.”

 

The idea that Stefano was faking everything from the beginning is more shocking than it really should be to Sebastian.  After all, he had all of the pieces of the puzzle.  KCPD was working with Slade, and Stefano has already proven to be a talented actor, and what Sebastian really can’t believe is that he didn’t see this coming.  It still takes him a minute to process though, because that means that the man he sat down with in the interview room already had his own agenda, that Stefano’s been deceiving him from the very beginning, and he is starting to wonder if he even knows the real Stefano at all.

 

“So you knew everything the whole time?” Sebastian asks, incredulous.

 

“Not everything,” Stefano replies.  “They didn’t tell me you weren’t a detective anymore, for example.  I suspect they only told me as much as I needed to know to play my role.”

 

This reminds Sebastian of another time that Stefano claimed ignorance of something at Slade’s house.  It’s not a major issue, but he is curious about it.  “Did you really not know about the cameras at Slade’s?” he asks.

 

Stefano stops walking then, and Sebastian thinks he can see a blush coloring his face even in the lantern’s light.  “No, I did not know about them,” he says.  His eye flicks up to Sebastian’s face but then drops quickly back to the ground.  “Sebastian, I know that perhaps you think I have no dignity left, and I am sure I have no right to claim any, but I wish you would forget what you saw on the cameras.  It may be best if you forget everything that you saw in that house.”

 

Sebastian wishes he could forget everything he saw in Slade’s house, but instead it all comes back to him in a rush- the first night when Slade tried to penetrate Stefano’s eye socket, when Riker violated him with the barrel of a gun, when Sebastian watched in a half-drugged state as one man after another had their way with him, the night that Riker punished him so brutally, fucked him so roughly, and the horrible ‘examination’ that took place on his last visit.  His heart is racing, and his breath is coming faster, and before he knows it he is throwing his arms around Stefano so violently that Stefano grunts softly and almost drops the lantern.

 

“I can’t forget it.”  His voice is a harsh whisper in Stefano’s ear.  “I can’t forget any of it, but I know it’s no reflection on you.  I know you didn’t want to do any of those things-”

 

Stefano manages to work his arms in between them and gives Sebastian a strong push away.  Sebastian staggers, startled for a moment.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano’s voice is thin and tired, but fierce.  He is staring right into Sebastian’s face now, and his eye is blazing.  “I have told you before, and I will tell you again.  All of those are things I chose to do.  I may not be proud of them, but I chose them, and I would choose them again.”

 

Sebastian has regained his balance, but the force of Stefano’s delivery still makes him take an extra step back.  Stefano still seems to be really hung up on this concept of choice.

 

“Do you really think you were in a position to make those choices if you were drugged up all the time?” Sebastian asks, trying to keep his tone gentler and less accusatory, even though he is getting a little exasperated with Stefano.  As far as Sebastian is concerned, no one can make a truly free choice under threat of imprisonment or under the influence of narcotics.

 

“The drugs came later,” Stefano snaps.  “After the first night, once I realized what it truly meant to work for Slade, they were offered to me as a sort of incentive, a reward for my cooperation.  I had already made my choice at that point.  The drugs simply made it more bearable.”

 

Sebastian pauses, considers the way Stefano is responding to him.  Stefano refuses to be cast as a victim, and he had done so consistently the entire time he has been working with Sebastian.  Sebastian wonders if that is what he is truly trying to avoid, if his life would be unbearable even to him if he had to acknowledge how much he’s been victimized by Slade.  Maybe this concept of choice is how he rationalizes everything that’s happened to him.  It makes Sebastian feel a little sick, but there doesn’t seem to be any point in pushing now and agitating him further.

 

“Okay,” Sebastian says.  “I can’t say I agree with you, but I think I know what you mean.”  Then he switches back to the question he really needs to ask.  “Do you have any idea why Slade was interested in me specifically?”

 

Stefano’s body language relaxes a little as he comes off of the defensive.  Sebastian gives him a little nod, and they start walking again, the feeling between them more companionable now.  “I cannot be certain,” Stefano replies.  “You would not have known anything about Slade’s operation before I told you, so it could not be that.  I am curious though that your wife works with Jimenez.  Is there any reason she would want to involve you?”

 

“I… I don’t know,” Sebastian says.  He is still trying to process the fact that Myra is working with Slade and Jimenez.  Even though he learned the information hours ago, there hasn’t been a break in the action since, and he doesn’t know what to think about it.  “I can’t even get my head around her working with them.  Before I saw her face in your notebook I thought she’d just disappeared off the face of the earth.”  He shakes his head.  “She certainly didn’t want to be involved with me then, and I can’t think why that would have changed now.”

 

The cold feeling is back in his chest when he thinks about Myra, imagines Myra working with Slade and Jimenez in Krimson City, so close to him that he could almost touch her.  But Myra left him.  That was her choice, and he can’t blame her.  He knows he wasn’t the easiest person to be around after Lily’s death.  Even though he still wears his wedding band, it’s been two years, two years of waking up alone, two years of going through the motions, two years of hurting, and if Myra hasn’t come back to him, then clearly that is her choice as well.

 

“I cannot imagine why anyone would give you up,” Stefano muses, and Sebastian feels his face flushing in spite of himself.  “This may sound like a strange thing to say, but you called me by her name a few times when you were under the influence, always so kind, so loving.”

 

There is a lump in Sebastian’s throat, and he laughs bitterly.  “I’m not surprised.  You actually kind of smell like her sometimes- if that’s not too strange of a thing to say.”

 

There is a brief pause before Stefano replies.  “Not strange and not a coincidence.  I am sure I told you before that Slade is very thorough in his research.”

 

When Sebastian turns to look at Stefano this time, he is pretty sure that his mouth is hanging open.  Even after the story about how Slade had directed Stefano to wear a specific cologne when he went to see Riker, the idea that Slade may have adjusted Stefano’s presentation to appeal to him specifically is kind of hard to swallow.  “You’re joking,” he says half-heartedly, because he already knows that Stefano isn’t.

 

“I am afraid not,” Stefano replies.  “It is a nice smell though.  Your wife has good taste.”

 

Sebastian can’t help the smile the tugs at the corners of his mouth.  “Well, one of us had to, and as you’ve probably figured out, it wasn’t me.”

 

“You are not so bad,” Stefano answers with a smile of his own.  “I prefer a more rugged man.”

 

Sebastian actually laughs at that, because ‘rugged’ is probably the most generous way one could describe him, scruffy and unkempt as he is at the moment.

 

“I thought you might be angry at the measures we took to deceive you,” Stefano says, shooting Sebastian a questioning look.

 

“I’m a little surprised at how far back it went,” Sebastian says, “but knowing everything that I know about Slade, I guess it all makes sense.  His operation is way more organized than I gave it credit for.”

 

“That is all Riker’s doing,” Stefano replies.  “He is the trafficking expert.”

 

“Speaking of Riker,” Sebastian says, “what the hell happened to him?  Do you think he got his head bashed in by that monster?”  It’s a very satisfying thought.

 

“For my sake, I hope not,” Stefano answers.

 

With his new knowledge of Stefano’s past, Sebastian can finally appreciate why Stefano doesn’t want Riker harmed.  If he had only been afraid of physical harm from Slade or Riker, then of course Riker dying in STEM could only be a good thing, but in the current situation, Slade is presumably still on the outside and still capable of reporting Stefano at any time.  It’s in Stefano’s interest, as always, to keep Slade happy, and Slade will undoubtedly want Riker back.  It doesn’t make Sebastian feel any better, but at least he understands now.

 

“What happened while we were split up?” Sebastian asks.  “The last time, I mean- when we had to go in different directions. Were you with Riker that whole time?”

 

“Most of it,” Stefano says.  “I came upon him only a few minutes after you and I parted ways.  He seemed to be completely unaffected by the encounter with the dog in the churchyard, although I suppose is it possible that he found one of those syringes you’ve been picking up.”

 

“Did he say anything about STEM or how to get out of it?” Sebastian asks, wondering suddenly if Riker may have some more insight into how to get out of this nightmare.  He’s been basically discounting Riker as a hostile presence, but if he knows more about the system, he might actually be worth talking to.

 

“Nothing substantive,” Stefano replies.  “He’s still furious with Jimenez, but I think that’s to be expected.”

 

“Well, at least that’s one thing we agree on,” Sebastian says grudgingly.

 

He is brought up short when he steps out into a clearing, and suddenly the sky above them is full of stars.  Stefano stops beside him, and they simply gaze up at it.

 

“Beautiful,” Stefano breathes.

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian agrees.  “Not what I would have expected out of STEM at all.”

 

Stefano pulls the camera from his pocket and starts to raise it to his face.  He pauses halfway there and seems to be considering before he lowers the camera, tucking it away again.  Sebastian raises an eyebrow at him.

 

“I am not certain that I wish to know what comes next,” Stefano says by way of explanation.

 

Sebastian nods.  He isn’t sure he wants to interrupt the tranquility of this moment either.

 

 

 


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you ready?” Riker asks.
> 
> Sebastian wants to ask what Stefano is supposed to be ready for, but Riker is clearly addressing Stefano, and Stefano nods.
> 
> “Do you want him to be there? Do you want him to see you like that?” Riker asks, jerking his head in Sebastian’s direction. “Do you want to show him how much you can take?” Stefano nods again.
> 
> “Alright, come on then,” Riker says, beckoning to Sebastian as he turns to walk down the hall. “You’re in for a treat.”

 

 

As they continue through the clearing and into the woods on the other side of it, the tranquility of that moment under the stars has left Sebastian, to be replaced with a growing sense of unease.  Along with that, he is starting to become aware of a noise in the distance, a low, rhythmic vibration, like the baseline of a song, and the farther they walk the closer and more distinct it becomes, until Sebastian is sure that he is actually hearing some far away music.

 

He turns to look at Stefano, and as soon as he sees the look of resignation on his face, Sebastian knows exactly what he is hearing.  He’s heard it before, on those nights when he came to Slade’s house for a party.  Stefano’s pace doesn’t change, but he lowers his head and Sebastian can almost see him rebuilding his protective walls.

 

“We don’t have to go this way,” Sebastian says suddenly, unsure of why this hasn’t occurred to him before now.

 

“I doubt there is anything in any other direction,” Stefano replies, slowing his pace but not stopping.  “I would expect this is the only place that we can go at the moment.”

 

Stefano’s words, dire as they may be, ring true to Sebastian, who is slowly coming to realize that the majority of their experience in STEM, maybe their entire experience in STEM, is being orchestrated by Ruvik.  He isn’t sure about the actions of other seemingly independent entities in here, such as Riker and Jimenez, but it certainly seems that they will always end up where Ruvik wants them to be.  If that’s the case, there is no point in trying to avoid whatever he has planned for them next.

 

They walk on, the music getting louder until it feels like the forest around them is vibrating.  Sebastian’s feet feel heavy, and Stefano looks as though he’s marching to his own execution, but there doesn’t seem to be another viable option for them at this point.

 

Slade’s house rises up ahead of them as they enter the next clearing, the windows on the first three floor lit up like beacons, the music pulsing through the night air.  Stefano comes to an abrupt halt, and Sebastian looks at him inquiringly before he glances back at the building and realizes that there is a figure visible in silhouette in the entryway.  Riker’s bulk makes him identifiable even at a great distance, and Sebastian’s heart sinks in his chest.

 

He turns to Stefano.  “Do we have to go in?”

 

“We do,” Stefano replies, voice listless.  “He still works for Slade, and if any of us make it out, Slade still controls my fate.”

 

It makes Sebastian feel a little sick to even look at the building, but then Stefano’s hand slips into his.

 

“We must go, and I must obey,” Stefano says.  “But will you stay with me?  If he will allow it, I mean?”

 

Sebastian isn’t sure whether the ‘he’ Stefano is referring to now is Riker or Ruvik, because either one of them seems to be capable of forcing them to separate, but he knows that he isn’t going to abandon Stefano if he can help it.  He gives Stefano’s hand a squeeze.  “Of course.”

 

Stefano gives a weak squeeze back and releases his hand.  “I have nothing to hide from you any longer.  It may be very bad, but I will feel better if you are with me.”

 

Stefano begins the long walk up to the door, and Sebastian follows a step or two behind him, in awe of the composure that Stefano shows when returning to a place that has to hold so many terrible memories, that must inspire such fear in him.  When Stefano reaches for the door handle, Sebastian can see that his hand is shaking, but that is the only sign of reluctance he shows.

 

Sebastian is so used to Murphy working the door that seeing Riker standing there is a bit disconcerting, and the way Riker is leering at Stefano is only making the sense of impending dread grow stronger.  Aside from the pulsing music, the house seems deserted, and Sebastian wonders if there is a reason for this or if STEM simply isn’t powerful enough to populate this building with other guests.

 

“So you’ve finally come back to me, pet,” Riker says, the affectionate name dripping off his tongue like poison.  “And you brought a friend.”  He cuts his eyes over to Sebastian, looking more pleased than anything else.

 

Sebastian first considers how strange it is that he is having no problem hearing Riker over the music, even though he isn’t shouting or raising his voice.  The he considers grabbing his revolver and bashing Riker over the head with it, but remembers quickly that they now have a very good reason not to anger Riker.  Sebastian secretly thinks that this might also be a very good reason to make sure that Riker doesn’t make it out of STEM alive, but he knows that Stefano doesn’t share his views on that.

 

“Are you ready?” Riker asks.

 

Sebastian wants to ask what Stefano is supposed to be ready for, but Riker is clearly addressing Stefano, and Stefano nods.

 

“Do you want him to be there?  Do you want him to see you like that?” Riker asks, jerking his head in Sebastian’s direction.  “Do you want to show him how much you can take?”  Stefano nods again.

 

“Alright, come on then,” Riker says, beckoning to Sebastian as he turns to walk down the hall.  “You’re in for a treat.”

 

If this ‘treat’ is anything like what Sebastian saw on the monitors at Slade’s house, he is already sure that he doesn’t want it, but Stefano follows Riker with no sign of hesitation, and Sebastian takes a deep breath and follows as well.  If Stefano can endure whatever is about to happen, surely he can endure watching it.

 

Riker leads the way to one of the smaller rooms on the first floor, maybe the same one that he caught Sebastian looking into when he came to the first party at Slade’s.  The bass of the music is pulsing, vibrating the room around them until Riker closes the door, and it abruptly stops.  The sudden silence is almost as shocking as the room itself.

 

Sebastian is trying very hard not to look around too much, because that cold feeling in his stomach is already back, and none of this is making him feel any better- not the examination table with its restraints and stirrups, not the assortment of medical devices and sex toys laid out on the counter, not the way Riker is eying Stefano like a hungry animal.

 

“Undress,” Riker says.

 

Stefano doesn’t need to be told twice.  He begins to quickly and methodically shed his clothes, draping them over a chair near the head of the examination table.

 

Riker turns to Sebastian.  “You really shouldn’t judge Stefano based on how he’s been acting lately,” he says, almost like he is apologizing for a poorly behaved child.  “I don’t know what’s got into him the past few days.  He’s usually such a perfect, obedient little slut.”  He pauses to direct a meaningful look at Stefano before turning his attention back to Sebastian.  “But don’t worry.  I’m sure we’ll have him straightened out in no time.”

 

Sebastian can’t tell if Riker is insinuating that he is going to be punishing Stefano or satisfying his own sexual desires or both, and he is even more disturbed by the fact that it sounds like Riker expects him to participate.  There is a cold sweat forming at the small of his back, and it feels like he has swallowed a lead weight.  He isn’t sure if he is supposed to respond or not, and he doesn’t know what to say, but by that time Stefano has finished undressing and is standing naked next to the table, head bowed.

 

Riker steps over to him, grabbing him under the chin with one large hand and yanking his head up, forcing Stefano to meet his eyes.  “Alright, then,” he says gruffly.  “You’ve been on your own for a while.  Let’s have a look at you.”

 

Riker pushes the hair out of Stefano’s face with one hand and tucks it out of the way behind his ear.  Stefano tries to shrink back from Riker’s scrutiny, but Riker’s other hand has now shifted from under his chin to around his throat, and Stefano is effectively immobilized.  Riker seems to spend an inordinate amount of time admiring his handiwork around Stefano’s right eye socket, while Stefano squirms a little, looking as though he would very much like to disappear.

 

Sebastian is just thinking that Riker will have to move on soon, when he raises a thick finger to Stefano’s face, probing the area around the eye socket before actually pressing into the void with his finger.  Stefano’s sharp intake of breath and the way his legs are trembling indicate that this has to hurt, but he makes no sound and no more decisive attempt to escape Riker’s grasp.

 

“He hasn’t been fucking you here?” Riker asks suddenly.

 

Sebastian wants to tell Riker that of course he hasn’t been doing that- that it’s cruel and disgusting and unimaginably horrible, but he isn’t sure whether interrupting at this moment will make things worse.  Stefano shakes his head.

 

“That’s a shame,” Riker says.  He turns to Sebastian.  “You’re missing out, or so I hear.  Slade and the clients love this fucking hole.”  He jabs his finger into Stefano’s eye socket again, and Stefano flinches back.  “I’d try it myself, but I’m too big.”  He turns his attention back to Stefano.

 

“What about your mouth?” Riker muses, as his fingers move lower on Stefano’s face.  Stefano shakes his head again, but Riker’s fingers part his lips anyway.  Then they’re between his teeth, forcing his mouth open, and Sebastian winces in sympathy, because the way Riker holds his mouth has to be uncomfortably wide for Stefano.

 

“You know all about his mouth of course…” Riker says to Sebastian conspiratorially as he thrusts two fingers into it, pressing them back far enough that if Stefano had any gag reflex left, he would surely be reacting.  He pulls his fingers out, tips Stefano’s head farther back and looks into his open mouth.  “…though it doesn’t look like you’ve been taking advantage of that either.”

 

Riker looks slightly perplexed, but shrugs and releases Stefano’s head.  Everything about the way Riker handles Stefano is abhorrent to Sebastian.  Riker touches and manipulates him as though he is an animal with no will of his own, forcing him into whatever position is convenient and expecting him to maintain it.  Now he is running his hands over Stefano’s chest and abdomen, though his touch is more like someone assessing livestock than anything else.  He grabs Stefano by the shoulders and spins him around to do the same to his back.

 

Next he places a hand in the middle of Stefano’s back and pushes him forward, so that he bends at the waist and ends up resting his elbows on the table.  Riker steps behind him, spreads the cheeks of his ass apart, and probes between them with one of his thick fingers.  Stefano tenses, but otherwise doesn’t react.

 

Riker levels his gaze at Sebastian.  “You haven’t been fucking his ass either?  What the hell have you been doing with him all this time?”  His expression is somewhere between perplexed and disdainful, and Sebastian can’t even begin to figure out how to explain to Riker that there are meaningful ways to interact with someone that are not ‘fucking’ them as he so crudely puts it, so he says nothing.

 

Riker seems to lose interest in him for a moment as he shoves his finger forward.  Sebastian can’t actually see from this angle, but based on the way Stefano’s body jerks and he grunts softly, he imagines that Riker is penetrating him now.

 

“Fuck,” Riker says, his voice almost a moan.  “Fuck, I don’t think you’ve ever been this tight for me before, even with Slade’s drugs.”  He probes farther and Stefano whines, his hands gripping the edges of the table.  “Is this because we’re in STEM?”  Riker seems to be thinking aloud, rather than asking either one of them.

 

He looks at Sebastian again, still feeling around inside Stefano with his finger.  “This is our lucky day.  It’s rare to catch him when he hasn’t already been fucked nice and loose by ten or twelve clients.”  He grins down at Stefano who is now squirming in discomfort, face pressed to the examination table.  “Look at him.  He can barely take my finger right now.  Think about how fucking stretched he’s going to be by the time we’re done with him.”  Sebastian feels a shiver run up his spine, because again, Riker makes it sound like Sebastian is going to be participating.

 

Riker straightens up and pulls his finger out of Stefano, who goes limp in apparent relief.  “Up,” Riker says, and Stefano obediently stands up.

 

“Get in position,” Riker says gesturing to the table, “and remember why you’re doing this.”

 

Stefano nods.  “For her,” he says, in a voice that is barely more than a whisper.

 

“What?” Riker explodes, grabbing Stefano’s head and slamming his face onto one of the counters.  Sebastian steps forward, reaches out, but he’s not fast enough to stop the first strike, and then Riker is yanking Stefano back to him with a hand fisted in his hair.  “What did you say?”

 

Stefano is shaking all over, feet barely touching the ground as Riker holds him upright.  He swallows hard, but doesn’t manage to get another word out before Riker speaks again.  “Does he know?”  He bellows, face inches from Stefano’s.  “Did you tell him?”

 

“Stop it!” Sebastian yells as he manages to get control of his feet and rushes forward to grab Riker’s other arm.  Riker jerks away, elbows him hard in the face, and suddenly he can smell blood, can taste blood, and he is dizzy for a moment, bending over double as Riker lowers his voice and continues talking to Stefano.

 

“Is that what you two have been doing all this time?  Sharing secrets like god damn teenage girls?”  Riker says, before there is another impact and then another.  On the third one, Stefano cries out, and Riker snaps, “Of course it fucking hurts!  It’s gonna hurt a lot more when you’re in fucking prison!”

 

Sebastian finally straightens up, one hand covering his mouth and nose, to try to stem the flow of blood.  Stefano is in the fetal position on the floor in front of Riker, who is practically shaking in his rage.  “Do you know what he can do to you now?  Do you know?”

 

Stefano’s arms are wrapped protectively around his head, but he nods frantically.

 

“Fucking anything, that’s what!” Riker growls.  “Even I can’t stop him.  Even I can’t protect you.”  Sebastian almost snorts at the idea that Riker would be protecting Stefano from him, but nothing else about this situation is funny in the slightest.

 

“Get up,” Riker snarls.  “Get on the table.  From here on out, you’re on your own.”

 

Sebastian doesn’t know exactly what this means, but it sounds dire, and when Stefano moves his arms away from his face, Sebastian’s stomach turns over again.  His face is already pink and puffy and there is blood leaking from his nose and mouth.  He shifts over onto his hands and knees, struggling to do any more.  Riker has turned his attention back to the instruments on the counter, and Sebastian, who isn’t sure at all what is or isn’t acceptable behavior here, decides to risk it and steps closer to Stefano, crouching down and offering his arms for support.

 

Stefano takes them, and Sebastian stands up, bringing Stefano with him.  He wants to ask him if he’s okay, even though he can tell that he’s not.  He wants to soothe him and comfort him and get some ice on his face, but clearly none of that is going to happened.  He must be looking pretty upset himself, because Stefano blinks at him with a badly swollen eyelid and says, “It’s going to be alright Sebastian.  Just help me onto the table if you don’t mind.”

 

It seems so ridiculous that Stefano is comforting him in this situation, and it brings to mind another time, a time when he was brought to such an altered state by Slade’s drugs, when Stefano was being abused by Riker and Young and Lance, but he still had kind, soothing words for Sebastian.  Sebastian’s chest is aching for Stefano, but he takes him by the waist and helps him sit on the edge of the table because he doesn’t know what else to do.

 

Stefano starts to position himself from there, draping his legs over the stirrups, which Sebastian notes have their own restraints, and scooting down the table so that his body lines up appropriately with the rest of the leather straps.  Riker steps toward them, and Sebastian squares up to him, stands between him and Stefano, until Stefano says, “Come here, Sebastian.”

 

Sebastian gives one more hard look to Riker, wishing he could tell him to get the hell away from Stefano, but apparently that’s not an option.  He turns and circles around the table to stand by Stefano’s head, adjusting his position a little so that Stefano can look at him without craning his neck.

 

“Do you know what I think about at times like this?” Stefano asks, extending a hand to Sebastian.  His voice is quiet, but Riker is close enough that Sebastian is sure he must be able to hear them, though he gives no indication that he’s heard.  He steps in behind Sebastian to arrange the leather strap across Stefano’s chest, pull it tight, and secure it.

 

“What?” Sebastian replies, taking Stefano’s hand in both of his.  He can’t imagine what must be going through Stefano’s mind at a time like this, because he is a mess himself.  He is furious and terrified and sick at the idea that something is about to happen to Stefano, that Stefano is about to be hurt and there is nothing he can do to stop it.  He takes a deep breath and tries to stay focused on Stefano’s face, as bruised and bloodied as it is.

 

“I think about her,” Stefano says, as Riker tightens the strap across his waist.  “About Emily,” he clarifies, as though there could be any doubt.  Sebastian is confused for a moment, because he isn’t sure why Stefano would be thinking about Emily at a time like this when everything he has told Sebastian gives him no reason to think that there was any kind of sexual relationship between them.

 

His confusion must show on his face, because Stefano quickly adds, “Not in that way.”  Riker is securing the straps on his left leg, binding it to the stirrup.  “I think of her because I violated her body.”

 

Sebastian’s eyes go wide, because it’s a shocking to hear Stefano say this, and he doesn’t fully understand until Stefano explains.  “I killed her Sebastian.  Murder is the ultimate violation- there can be nothing more intimate or more brutal than the taking of a life.”

 

Riker is securing the straps on Stefano’s right leg, seemingly oblivious to what Stefano is saying, or maybe he just doesn’t care anymore.  Or maybe it’s not even really Riker.  They are in STEM after all.

 

“Even if it was unintentional, even if I regret it tremendously, it still happened,” Stefano continues, as Riker circles the table on the opposite side from Sebastian to approach Stefano’s head.

 

“And now I am to be violated in return,” Stefano says, pulling his hand from Sebastian’s grasp and raising both of them above his head so that Riker can secure them in leather cuffs as well.  “I know the punishment does not entirely fit the crime, but it still seems fitting in a way.  Does it not?”

 

Sebastian’s heart is pounding, because he can hardly make sense of what Stefano is saying.  People don’t get to choose their own punishments for crimes, and the punishment for murder is life in prison without parole, not a life of being hurt and abused and subjected to the whims of these cruel men.

 

“Stefano-” he starts to say, but Riker cuts in, convincing Sebastian that this is, in fact, the real Riker.

 

“If you’re tired of hearing him run his mouth, I can take care of that.”  He gestures to one of the counters, which Sebastian can see holds an assortment of gags.

 

Most of them are large, some phallic in shape, and Sebastian can only imagine that it would be very painful for Stefano to have one of them forced into his mouth after he’s just been struck repeatedly in the face.

 

“No,” he replies.  Then, hoping it’s the kind of logic Riker would understand.  “I’d rather be able to hear him.”

 

“Good idea,” Riker says, and Sebastian inwardly cringes at the idea that he and Riker are agreeing on something.  “He makes some pretty fucking great noises.  I’ll show you.”

 

Sebastian is trying to keep his attention on Stefano’s face, which is blank, almost serene in a way, but he can see in his peripheral vision that Riker is turning back to the counter and picking up another item.

 

“Here,” Riker says, stepping in next to Sebastian so that he can reach across Stefano’s chest.  “These will keep him focused on us if he’s zoning out like he is now.”

 

Sebastian looks at what Riker is holding.  He’s seen nipple clamps before of course, but these are a particularly cruel looking variation with sharp teeth on the inside of the clamps and screws on the outside so that they can be tightened even more than the tension on the spring would normally allow.  He doesn’t like the look of them at all, but he’s going to do his best to honor Stefano’s wishes and not interfere with whatever Riker has planned.

 

Stefano seems to be in his own world, blissfully unaware until Riker grabs one of his nipples, tugging it away from his body and setting the clamp on it.  Stefano’s body jerks, his face tenses, his mouth opens, but no sound comes out.  When Riker applies the second clamp to his other nipple, Stefano gasps, arching his back, and if Sebastian didn’t know him pretty well at this point, it could almost be a sound of pleasure… almost.

 

Then Riker yanks on the chain that connects the clamps, and Stefano yelps, snapping out of his daze to focus his eye on Sebastian, the tension still visible on his face.

 

“See, that always brings him right back,” Riker says, as if he is proud to know Stefano’s body so well.  “He’s so fucking sensitive there.”  He looks at Stefano.  “Don’t space out on me again, and I won’t have to tighten them down any more.”

 

Stefano gives a jerky nod, and Riker, seemingly satisfied, moves down between his legs.  “Can’t believe you haven’t been taking advantage of every hole on his body, with as much time as you’ve had.  Hell, that’s what I would be doing.”

 

Sebastian is starting to feel sick again, images of Riker hurting Stefano forcing their way back into his head, and now his head is spinning a little, because it almost sounds like Stefano wants it, not just to keep Slade and Riker quiet about what he did, but that he wants to be punished for what he did to Emily.  It’s wrong, and it’s sick, and it doesn’t fit into the neat framework of sanitized justice that Sebastian is used to.  Maybe it’s not justice at all; maybe it’s an endless cycle of self-punishment.

 

Stefano is still looking at him, a mixture of fear and resignation in his eyes, and Sebastian wants to comfort him.  Even if he can’t stop this from happening, he can at least reassure Stefano that he’s still here.  He reaches out a hand and places it in the center of Stefano’s chest, careful not to jostle any of the hardware there.  Stefano gasps, almost as though Sebastian’s touch is pleasurable, and Riker looks up at them.  Sebastian is about to jerk his hand away when Riker speaks.

 

“No, leave it there,” he says, nodding to Sebastian’s hand.  “You touch him wherever and however you want.  Use him.  Fuck his mouth, fuck his ass, fuck his eye.  He’ll do so much more for you now that you know what you know.”

 

“It’s true, Sebastian,” says Stefano.  “What would you have me do?”

 

Sebastian is frozen, unable to form a coherent thought, because of course there are things he would like to do with Stefano, but not when he is restrained and beaten and bloodied and made utterly subservient as he is now.  He simply stares at Stefano, then turns to stare at Riker, wondering how anyone could find anything about this arousing.

 

“Don’t be shy because of me,” Riker says in a way that sounds almost like he gives a shit about either one of them.  “I’ve seen far worse than you can do, I’m sure.”

 

Sebastian catches a jerky nod from Stefano out of the corner of his eye, but he still has no response.  Even though this is basically what he witnessed on the cameras, it’s completely different actually being present, and he has no idea how to react to Riker and Stefano’s urging.

  
“Let me get him ready for you then,” Riker suggests.  “Put him through his paces.”  Without further consultation of Sebastian, Riker turns around and opens a drawer, from which he extracts a bottle that Sebastian can only hope contains lube, because if any of the items laid out on the counter are supposed to go into Stefano’s body, they’re going to need it.

 

“You wouldn’t believe it to look at him,” Riker says conversationally as he slicks up two fingers, “but he can take my whole forearm.”

 

Sebastian opens his mouth to say that he definitely doesn’t need to see that, but Riker thrusts his fingers into Stefano with no preamble, causing Stefano to emit a soft grunt and jerk under Sebastian’s hand.  Sebastian has to look away, can’t think of anything to do but to run his hand gently up and down Stefano’s chest, hoping to comfort or distract or somehow make this more bearable for him.

 

“A couple of fingers is nothing,” Riker continues, shoving them roughly in and out of Stefano so that they make a wet, slippery sound.  Stefano is looking pained as Riker’s fingers move faster and faster, and Sebastian’s hand moves a little lower, carefully avoiding the chain on the nipple clamps to lightly rub Stefano’s belly.  At least here in STEM, Stefano doesn’t seem to have visible bruising or pain there.

 

Stefano sighs, and again Sebastian can’t quite tell if it’s pleasure or resignation, but then Riker is breaching him with a third finger, and the tension, the pained look is back on his face.   Whatever Riker is doing with those harsh movements and twists of his wrist, it hurts, but Stefano’s eye is fixed on Sebastian.  Sebastian isn’t sure how much he is conveying with his own gaze, but he continues to touch and rub and hope that Stefano is getting some comfort and support from his presence.

 

He does briefly consider whether Stefano might like him to take his cock in hand the way he did when they were lying on the couch together, but that just feels wrong with Riker here.  Besides there would be no way at this point to tell what Stefano actually wants as opposed to what he is obligated to do for Riker or Sebastian.

 

“I know I promised you some noises,” Riker says, interrupting Sebastian’s train of thought entirely.  “So let me see what I can do.”

 

Riker gets to work, and Stefano does make a lot of noises.  Almost all of them are painful to hear, at least in this context- the breathless, choked gasp when Riker drives his fingers hard into that one particular spot, the high-pitched desperate whine when Riker’s fingers press in as far as they can go, grinding against him, the groan when Riker moves his fingers apart, stretching him open in a way that has to be painful.  Sebastian quickly realizes that it’s better not to look at what Riker is doing, to stay focused on Stefano’s face, even though his expression conveys so much fear and stress and pain.

 

Riker works him over for a few more minutes before he suddenly stops, pulling his fingers out abruptly.  “Look at you, getting hard over this.  You think this is about you, slut?”  His voice is hard now, angry.

 

“No,” Stefano replies quickly with a shake of his head, but Riker’s large hand has already closed around his cock and balls, twisting and tugging cruelly, so that any other words Stefano might have said are lost in a sharp yell of pain.  Sebastian’s hands are off of Stefano now and clenched in fists at his sides.  He doesn’t know how much more of this Stefano can take, but he is reaching his limit.

 

“No one wants to see that!” snaps Riker.  “I go to all this trouble to get you nice and prepared for Sebastian and you do this?”

 

Sebastian is about to point out that if anyone cares what he thinks, he is not at all offended by Stefano’s state of arousal, but apparently no one does, because Riker just releases Stefano’s now limp cock and glares at it.

 

“That’s better,” he says, before he circles to the opposite side of the table from Sebastian.  “And just in case you’re getting any more ideas…”  He takes hold of one of the nipple clamps, tightening the screw until there is blood leaking out from under the clamp and Stefano is whimpering through gritted teeth.  Sebastian’s fingernails are digging into his palms.

 

“Please…” Stefano whispers as he moves to do the same with the other clamp, and Sebastian is almost shaking with rage.  He remembers touching Stefano there on one of the nights at Slade’s house, the one where he was only pretending to be drugged, remembers how Stefano responded, how much he enjoyed it.  It is physically painful for him to see Stefano’s body subjected to such rough treatment, to say nothing of what it must be like for Stefano himself.

 

Riker tightens the second clamp, ignoring the way that Stefano wails in pain, and circles around to the counter again, speaking even though his back is to Sebastian.  “I’m sorry Sebastian, but it seems we need to take a moment to remind Stefano of his training.”  He is picking up one sex toy after another, comparing their sizes and shapes.  “He’s better than this, and he has to know that there are consequences for his actions.”

 

“Look,” Sebastian begins, a hard note in his own voice now.  As bad as this was at the beginning, it looks like it is about to get much worse, and Sebastian isn’t planning to stand by while it does.  “If this is about me-”

 

“It’s not.”  Riker cuts him off.  “It’s not about either one of us.  It’s about him.”  He seems to have settled on an implement, a large, rigid shaft that is smaller than Riker’s forearm but not by much.  The end is tapered like a phallus, but the length and width alone have to be more than Stefano’s body can accommodate, however flexible Riker says he is.

 

Riker pauses for a moment, seeming to reconsider as he places the dildo back on the counter, but it’s only to take up one of the ball gags and approach Stefano’s head with it.  “Open,” he says.

 

Despite his best efforts, Stefano can’t seem to physically open his mouth wide enough to take the ball, so Riker puts his fingers between his teeth to force his jaw open farther, setting the gag in place and fastening it behind Stefano’s head.  Stefano is breathing hard through his nose and there are tears welling in the corner of his good eye.

 

“You don’t want to hear the sounds he’s about to make,” Riker says to Sebastian on his way back to the counter.

 

As distressed as Stefano seems to be, Sebastian is afraid to put his hands back on him at first, because surely Stefano is hurting so much that any other touch would be unwelcome.  Then Sebastian remembers how Stefano wanted Sebastian’s hands on him even when he was being held down and examined by Jimenez, and he certainly doesn’t want to deny Stefano any comfort that he can provide.

 

He tentatively reaches out a hand and lets his fingers brush against Stefano’s chest, in the middle where he won’t touch any injured areas.  Stefano gives him a tiny nod, and Sebastian lets his hand rest flat there, lets the warmth of his palm seep into Stefano’s skin and hopes that it gives him some small amount of comfort.  In the corner of his eye, he can see that Riker has picked up the dildo again and moved back to the end of the table between Stefano’s legs.

 

“Remember, this is for your own good,” he tells Stefano as he spreads him open with one hand and lines up the dildo with the other.  Sebastian looks away, but that doesn’t stop him from feeling the way Stefano’s heart begins to race, the way his whole body jerks against the restraints, the muffled scream as Riker shoves the dildo forward.

 

Sebastian feels utterly helpless, the same way he did when he was watching on the cameras, because he might as well not even be here, for all the good he is doing for Stefano.  Stefano has been unequivocal in his insistence that they obey Riker up to this point, but now Stefano’s eyes are locked onto him, and Stefano’s chest is rising and falling rapidly under his hand, and he feels like he should say something, do something to try to help.

 

“Stefano,” he says quietly, hoping Riker is too engrossed in violating Stefano to pay attention to him.  “I’m so sorry.  I wish there was something I could do.”

 

He is interrupted by another muffled exclamation of pain from Stefano and a laugh from Riker.

 

“It’s going to be alright,” he says, wondering even as he speaks if he’s lying to Stefano.  “This is going to be over soon, and we’re going to get out of here, and it’s going to be alright.”

 

Stefano has gone very pale, and Sebastian can’t tell whether it’s from his real world injuries or the ones that Riker just inflicted or shock and pain from the brutal way Riker is now fucking him with the dildo.  He can’t look, but based on Stefano’s face, his muffled noises, and the reflexive jerks and twists he is making against his restraints, Riker must be doing some damage.  Stefano is starting to look like he is close to unconsciousness.

 

It is this thought that finally spurs Sebastian to action, because he doesn’t know how any damage sustained in STEM might interact with the damage to Stefano’s body in the real world, and the idea that Riker might be doing something now that ensures that Stefano will never be able to leave STEM is too much to bear.  But Sebastian is completely out of ammunition, and even though some of the other implements in the room are large and metal, Sebastian can’t really see them as viable weapons.

 

Then his eye falls on Stefano’s clothes, draped over the back of a chair just a few feet from him, and in a sudden flash of inspiration, he realizes that the camera must still be in his pocket.  He can’t wield it effectively himself, but if he can somehow get it into Stefano’s hands…

 

He isn’t entirely sure that Stefano will even cooperate with this plan, as adamant as he is about not acting against Riker, but all that Sebastian can see on his face right now is pain and fear and gradually receding awareness of the world around him, and he hopes that those impulses might override his rational thoughts at least for a moment if he was given the means to make all of it stop.

 

Sebastian chances a look at Riker, whose gaze is fixed between Stefano’s legs as he works the dildo in and out of him.  If he keeps his movements slow and controlled, he might not even draw Riker’s attention until it is too late.  He shifts over a half-step, keeping one hand on Stefano’s chest so as not to alarm Stefano in a way that will alert Riker, and reaches for the chair.  He is able to slip his hand into the pocket of Stefano’s coat and retrieve the camera without too much trouble, and he holds it in front of his body, back to Riker, so that only Stefano can see it.

 

Stefano’s eye widens briefly, but he gives a barely perceptible nod, and then Sebastian is taking the camera in both hands to stabilize it, making sure that it is pointed down the table at Riker, and extending it to Stefano’s bound hands so that Stefano can press the button.

 

There is a blinding flash, and the whole room goes blue, almost as if the effect of the camera has somehow been magnified.  Sebastian can’t move, can’t even turn his head, but in his peripheral vision he can see a figure step up next to him, apparently unaffected by the camera.

 

“Oh, Sebastian.”  Ruvik’s voice is unmistakable.  “What have you done now?”

 

Ruvik reaches out, and as much as Sebastian wants to jerk away, he is frozen in place as Ruvik places a palm on his chest.  For a split-second, it feels like his heart is shattering into a million pieces and then everything goes dark.

 

 

 


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What the fuck did you do?” Riker asks. His voice is raised, angry, but with a hint of resignation, like he’s been sitting there long enough to burn off most of his rage. Apparently Sebastian’s wandering around the house has allowed him to burn off some of his own rage as well. He is still angry at Riker, but it is not the blind, all-consuming fury that he felt when he was in the room with Riker and Stefano.
> 
> Sebastian doesn’t know what to say at first, then doesn’t know if Riker will even be able to hear him if he speaks. There is a microphone in front of him, and he presses the button at the base before speaking into it, hoping he’s using it correctly. “I did what I had to,” he replies firmly, because he actually isn’t sure what the hell he and Stefano did with the camera. The result hasn’t been what he expected at all.

 

 

His body aches, but he has grown used to that.  It isn’t his real body anyway, not in STEM.  His consciousness is loose, interpretive, pouring through his brain like warm honey, and for a moment, he is afraid that it will spill and he will lose everything.  He can’t though, he has to hold on, because this is all he has.  He is nothing without his consciousness, and he cannot be nothing.  The stakes are too high.  There is something he needs to do, someone he needs to reach.

 

He wants to extend his arm, but he has no arms.  He wants to open his eyes, but he has no eyes.  He hears screaming.  He smells fire.  This is a moment he wants more than anything to forget, but if he wants to accomplish his goal, he has to remember.  He has to remember everything, every tiny detail- the way the flames rose up around him, the way the smoke and the ash burned his eyes, burned his lungs, that cold feeling in his chest the moment he knew she was gone.

 

“No!” Sebastian shouts, leaping to his feet, quickly scanning his surroundings to realize that he has apparently just jumped off of the couch in Slade’s front waiting room.  The usual couches and chairs and TV screen are there, but unlike the other times he’s been here, he’s the only person in the room.

 

“Stefano?” he calls out.  The thick, oppressive silence of an empty house greets him.  Stefano isn’t here, or at least if he is here, he’s in no condition to respond.  Sebastian bends over, rests his hands on his knees, and takes a minute to collect himself, because his head feels like it’s about to split open, and his mind is fuzzy as he tries to grasp why he is here and what he is supposed to be doing.

 

He knows he has to find Stefano, and that jogs his memory, because the last time he saw Stefano, he was strapped to a table in one of Slade’s exam rooms.  Sebastian’s heart start to pound as he remembers what Riker said, what Riker did to Stefano, and his hands are clenching into fists at his sides.  There is something sickening about the way Riker interacts with Stefano.  It is one thing to hurt someone, even to sexually assault them, but the way that Riker talks about Stefano as though he isn’t present, the way that Riker describes Stefano’s body as dispassionately as one might talk about a machine or an object of some sort, the way that he handles Stefano as though he has every right to do whatever he wishes, the way Riker only seems to be enjoying himself if Stefano is suffering- it’s something far worse.  Sebastian thinks he may be starting to understand why Stefano has such a complicated relationship with sex and arousal.

 

He straightens up and checks his holster.  At least he still has his gun, though he can tell by the weight that the cylinder is as empty as it was the last time he checked.  He steps out into the hallway, realizing for the first time that the smell of burnt construction materials hasn’t entirely dissipated, and in fact, there is some fire damage to Slade’s entryway that he’s never seen before.  Most of the drywall is burnt away, showing the charred wooden beams, and piles of debris litter the floor.

 

Sebastian glances into the room behind him, realizing with a start that it also looks burned, though he could have sworn it didn’t a minute ago.  The smell, the sight, and the peculiar feeling that comes from being in such a damaged structure are already making a cold sweat break out at the small of his back, and he wonders if Ruvik knows how much this bothers him.  But of course Ruvik does.  That’s almost certainly why he is showing Sebastian this.

 

Sebastian wonders, not for the first time, why Ruvik is so powerful, how Ruvik can exert so much control over the STEM environment, when Sebastian and Stefano and the others seem to be just struggling to survive.  It must be his superior knowledge of the system, because there is no other explanation that Sebastian can see.  Perhaps knowledge and awareness are important in how one interacts with STEM, and Sebastian closes his eyes and imagines Slade’s house as it really is, dirty and a little run-down, but not burned.  For a moment, he even thinks that the smell of charred building materials is getting fainter, but when he opens his eyes, the view is the same as before.

 

He turns to the front door, not actually intending to leave the building yet, but wondering if it would even be possible, and to his alarm, there is no door at all, merely a charred wall with a large framed picture hanging on it.  The photograph in the frame depicts a door, and Sebastian laughs bitterly, because if this is someone’s idea of a joke, it’s not a very good one.  He turns away from it.  Apparently there is nothing to do but explore.

 

Despite the fact that Stefano didn’t answer his call a few minutes ago, his first stop is in the room where he last saw Stefano and Riker.  He seizes the knob, taking a deep breath, because frankly he is afraid of what he might find here, and opens the door.  This room is just as fire damaged as the rest of the hallway, and there are places where the ceiling has fallen in and Sebastian can see through to the upper floor.  One spot of color catches his eye in a landscape of black and grey debris, and he can’t believe what he is seeing.

 

Lying on the table is a doll, and he would know this particular doll anywhere.  It’s a ratty old knitted thing that Lily took everywhere and played with until its stuffing was spilling out and Myra would have to stitch it up for her.  It’s a likeness of Sebastian himself, but it can’t be here.  It burned up in the fire along with everything else, but here it is in front of him, unharmed except for the wear and tear of a doting child.

 

He approaches slowly, warily, because this feels wrong, feels like someone is crawling around inside his skin, inside his skull, and the feeling only intensifies as he gets closer to the table.  He reaches out his hand, all of the hairs on his arms and the back of his neck standing on end, because someone is watching him.  His heart is pounding, and if he turns around he’ll see the figure standing in the door, but he can’t turn around- not yet.  Then his hand closes around the doll and everything goes still.

 

It's all very clear to him now.  This is for her.  He is doing everything for her, because she is still out there somewhere… or still in here somewhere.  The fire wasn’t the end.  The fire was only a temporary separation, and if he tries had enough, if he overcomes the obstacles, he can find her.  There is a faint ringing in his ears.

 

The next moment his heart starts to slow down, and he lets out a long breath, because he’s getting himself all worked up over nothing.  This doll, these visions are only as powerful as he allows them to be, and if he stays calm, if he stays focused, they don’t have to affect him like this.  It’s just Ruvik toying with him, like he’s been doing this whole time.  Sebastian turns to leave, and of course, there is no one in the doorway.

 

Back in the hall, he considers where to go next, wonders if he is going to have to search this whole building before Ruvik is satisfied.  He turns to his right, ready to head to the next room, but gets his answer right away when he has to stop abruptly to avoid falling into a deep hole where the floor has collapsed.  He takes out his flashlight and switches it on, peering down into the hole and wondering if this is some construct of STEM or if Slade’s house actually has a basement.  Then he wonders what the hell would even be in Slade’s basement.  He decides he’s better off not knowing, and switches the light off before turning back around.

 

The bondage room and the main party room are in a similar state of disarray, but seem to hold no items of interest, so Sebastian makes his way back to the front staircase.  He’s not thrilled with prospect of climbing it, because the structure already seems unstable enough on the first floor, but he has literally nowhere else to go, so he gingerly sets a foot on the first step.  It makes a horrible groaning noise, but bears his weight, and he slowly climbs the rest of the way up, trying to stay close to the wall in hopes that the structural supports are at least somewhat intact there.

 

The second floor looks even more damaged than the first, and Sebastian scans the floor for safe places to walk as he inches along the landing toward one of the only two rooms he’s been to on this floor- Slade’s lounge.  It does occur to him that what he’s doing is insane, that the smart thing to do would be to stay downstairs where the floor is more stable, but based on everything he knows about how STEM works, he doesn’t think he’s going to make any headway doing that.   Rationally, he knows that it’s a mental journey, not a physical one, but all of his instincts are still telling him to press on.  Find Stefano.  Find a way out of STEM.

 

When he steps into Slade’s lounge, he can tell immediately that something is wrong.  His head is tipping back and his gaze is drifting up toward the ceiling involuntarily.  He tries to force his eyes back down to the ground where they need to be, but they won’t respond.  His head won’t move, and his ears feel like they are full of cotton until he hears a voice.  It’s not coming from the room though.  It’s coming from inside his head.

 

_“What the hell is wrong with him?” Slade asks._

_“It would seem you’ve dosed him too high,” Jimenez replies.  “What concentration was it?”_

Sebastian’s vision is swimming, fading down to a single point of light, so that he sways on his feet, unable to orient himself as the sensation of falling over backward starts to overwhelm him.

_There is the sound of some items being moved around, then Slade speaks again.  “Batch 40.  It’s the starter dose.”_

_“He may be sensitive to even the subtherapeutic dose,” Jimenez says.  “Although we do sometimes see more advanced sedative effects when the drug is administered by insufflation.”_

Sebastian can hardly see at all now, and he staggers drunkenly, frantic to keep his feet under him, even as his senses are slowly being overtaken by this strange vision… or is it a memory?

_“We’ll make adjustments to the dosage next time,” Slade replies.  “If he’s not going to die outright, that is.”_

_“I don’t think so,” Jimenez says.  “He’s lost all voluntary muscle control, but he’s not deep enough to suppress normal lung function.  Just give him a few hours.”_

_Slade grunts in acknowledgement, then asks, “Do you know what’s so special about this one?”_

_“I don’t have the slightest idea,” Jimenez replies, “but my orders about him were very specific.”_

 

Sebastian regains his vision and control of his body all at once, staggering into the crumbling wall of Slade’s lounge as his head snaps back into a normal position.  He steadies himself, not exerting too much pressure because the drywall is coming away under his hand, and turns to look over his shoulder.  He is now on the opposite side of the room from the door, and on the opposite side of an open hole in the floor- one that he should have just fallen into, particularly in his disoriented state.  The more he looks, the more he realizes that it is literally impossible for him to have crossed this space without leaving the room and circling around another way or taking a massive leap, but somehow he is on the other side.

 

The voices he was hearing, the conversation between Slade and Jimenez, is starting to come back to him as well.  It took place in this very room, the first time he came to Slade’s, the first time he took Slade’s drugs.  He only remembered snatches of it at the time, but now that he hears it in its entirety, it should have been his first warning, should have told him to stop and get out while he still could.  But he didn’t take that warning, and now here he is.  And he’s not leaving without Stefano.

 

There is another door next to him, on a more solid-looking part of the floor.  He has seen Riker and some of the others enter and exit through this door, but he has never been through it himself.  It leads to a short hallway, then into another room which looks like it might have been one of the bedrooms before every inch of it was charred beyond recognition.  At least the floor in here is more stable, and when Sebastian passes through the room and exits out the other side, he is near the staircase again, looking up with some trepidation to see what things are like on the third floor.  He has a feeling he needs to get to Stefano’s room, but he isn’t confident at all that the damaged staircase will support his weight.

 

He keeps close to the wall, pressing his body up against it as he begins the precarious climb.  The stairs creak and groan underneath him, and once or twice one of them shifts a little so that Sebastian fears it will give way entirely, but he makes it to the third floor landing and is able to inch his way along to the room he remembers as Stefano’s.

 

He turns the knob and opens the door slowly, unsure of what to expect, but like everything else, it just looks like a room that has been very badly burned.  The floor is sagging in places, and the acrid smell of the fire is even stronger here, so that Sebastian has to try to take shallower breaths.  His lungs can’t handle this, and his mind can’t handle this.  The smell is too distinctive, too familiar, and his heart is feeling heavier with every cautious step towards the charred mattress in the center of the room.

 

He manages to reach it without crashing through the floor, and lifts the edge to take the journal that he knows he will find there.  It looks just as it did when he found it the first time, and just as it did when he gave it to Stefano in STEM, even though both of those times seem like years ago and don’t explain why it is here in his hand right now.

 

Like the doll downstairs, it is undamaged by fire, and Sebastian opens it, thumbing through the pages.  What surprises him this time is that there are no drawings inside, only words.  The handwriting is undoubtedly Stefano’s, but it is not the neat, polished script that Sebastian has seen before.  This is more of a scrawl, as though the writer was in a hurry or even in some sort of altered mental state.

 

He skims the book, but most of it seems to be nonsense, just random strings of words or parts of sentences with no context.  He can’t tell if Stefano was describing events or expressing his feelings or just writing down whatever words popped into his head.  The final page stands out to him, because the handwriting increases in size from the top of the page to the bottom, and the same phrase is repeated over and over.  _You did this to us!  You did this to us!  You did this to us!_

Sebastian can actually hear the voices in his head, all of them screaming at once, blending together to make the same sound he heard in the barn after he saw the vision of Ruben and Laura.  He closes the book quickly.  The voices stop, but their echoes continue to ring in Sebastian’s ears.  He doesn’t know what Stefano has to do with Ruben and Laura, and it doesn’t make any sense to see these words in his journal, even though this can’t actually be his journal.  Sebastian has seen Stefano’s journal, knows that it is filled with drawings, not words, but what he saw on those pages has to mean something.

 

Sebastian is suddenly filled with an uneasy feeling, as though he is trespassing on sacred ground.  He has entered Stefano’s room, maybe the only place that he has any privacy and comfort, without his permission.  But of course, Slade and Riker don’t respect Stefano’s privacy here.  He has seen that firsthand, and they’ve made it pretty clear that they will even send clients up to Stefano’s room if it will make them some money.  But somehow this still feels wrong.  Even with all of the private places he’s touched Stefano, this feels too intimate.

 

He creeps out of the room the same way he came in.  He hasn’t been in any other room on this floor before, and he’s willing to bet that none of them have the answers he is looking for, so he edges around to the stairs, avoiding some of the holes and more heavily damaged patches of flooring, and is able to slowly but steadily make his way up to the fourth floor.

 

He’s only been up here once, but he remembers the way to the surveillance room, and he picks his way around the crumbling structure to get there.  There are places where he can see through down to the first floor, and he is suddenly acutely aware that he is up very high and the integrity of the building is suspect at best.  He presses on though, because he has no idea what else to do at this point, and he tiptoes into the surveillance room, narrowly avoiding another large hole.

 

The camera set up is undamaged and appears to still be up and running, as Sebastian can see the various rooms of Slade’s house on the little screens.  One screen in particular catches his attention, because it’s not showing a room in Slade’s house.  It’s showing an interview room back at KCPD, and it’s the view he would have if he were watching on the monitors while another detective interviewed a suspect.  Riker is slouched in the chair, drumming his fingers on the tabletop and staring off into space.  Curious, Sebastian switches this view to the main screen and puts on the earphones.

 

At that moment, Riker’s head snaps up and he looks Sebastian in the eyes, which should be impossible, because he can’t know that Sebastian is watching him- or can he?

 

“What the fuck did you do?” Riker asks.  His voice is raised, angry, but with a hint of resignation, like he’s been sitting there long enough to burn off most of his rage.  Apparently Sebastian’s wandering around the house has allowed him to burn off some of his own rage as well.  He is still angry at Riker, but it is not the blind, all-consuming fury that he felt when he was in the room with Riker and Stefano.

 

Sebastian doesn’t know what to say at first, then doesn’t know if Riker will even be able to hear him if he speaks.  There is a microphone in front of him, and he presses the button at the base before speaking into it, hoping he’s using it correctly.  “I did what I had to,” he replies firmly, because he actually isn’t sure what the hell he and Stefano did with the camera.  The result hasn’t been what he expected at all.

 

Then, because he finally has Riker in a position where he has to listen to Sebastian and they aren’t being interrupted by some attacking monster, he adds, “And what the fuck is wrong with you?  Why did you do those things to him?”

 

Riker sighs and sits back in his chair.  “Because he needs it.  He needs to learn, Sebastian.”  He rests one elbow on the table beside him.  “Who ever heard of a whore with dignity?  A whore who can hold his head high even after he’s been on his knees for a dozen men and bent over a table for a dozen more?”  Sebastian is about to interrupt, to tell Riker that he can’t say those things about Stefano, but Riker continues, “I could see that pride from the second he walked into my hotel room with Slade, and I knew he was going to be a hard one to break.  That’s why I took his eye.”

 

Sebastian is stunned into silence by this, because he’d almost forgotten the story about how Stefano lost his eye.  He doesn’t want to hear more, but he continues to listen, transfixed.

 

“There was a lot of screaming and flailing of course,” Riker acknowledges, “but that was mostly reflexive.  When I was finished, he was obedient, just like Slade promised he would be, but he wasn’t afraid of me, at least not the way that I wanted him to be afraid of me.  Hell, even now I only get moments when he’s broken down like that, and I’ve been working on him for years.  Don’t know why he’s so stubborn, but I always thought I’d figure him out eventually, find the thing that would take away that last piece of self-respect.”

 

Sebastian is glaring hard at the screen, hands gripping the edge of the table as he restrains himself from just smashing it, from smashing Riker’s face and not having to listen to the disgusting words pouring from his mouth ever again.  He takes a breath, calms himself, and unclenches his hands, because he knows that Riker ultimately failed, that Riker never managed to fully strip Stefano of his dignity and his sense of self.  If he had, then Stefano wouldn’t be the man he knows.

 

Sebastian has seen Stefano thoroughly beaten and traumatized and violated, has seen him doing Slade and Riker’s bidding because he believes he must, but he has also seen the small acts of rebellion- the way Stefano kissed him the first time at the motel, the way Stefano stood up to Riker when he was interrogating him about Sebastian, the way Stefano… Sebastian can’t think of the right word for what happened that other time at the motel, but it was Stefano’s choice and he did it in spite of his employment with Slade.  Even after how much Slade and Riker have tried to oppress him, Stefano is his own man, and Sebastian realizes with some amusement that this must be incredibly frustrating for Riker, who is probably used to being able to break people down quite easily.

 

Riker has started speaking again.  “I always knew the time would come when I would have no more use for him, but I assumed it would be because I’d finally break him.”  He shrugs.  “Either way, he’s far outlived his usefulness to Slade, and now that he’s useless to me-”

 

Sebastian slams the button down, silencing Riker.  “Don’t you hurt him!  Don’t you fucking dare hurt him!”  He’s shouting now, but Riker doesn’t flinch, just looks into the camera with mild interest.  “I swear to god if you ever fucking touch him again I’ll kill you!”  He lets off the button for a moment, trying to catch his breath.

 

“And let Slade report him to authorities?” Riker asks.

 

Sebastian presses the button.  “I don’t give a fuck about Slade or KCPD!” he snarls.  “Those corrupt bastards have been terrorizing Krimson for long enough!”

 

He releases the button, and Riker replies, “And they’re not going to stop.  This is bigger than Slade or KCPD.  The people they work for are much more powerful-”

 

“No,” Sebastian cuts him off.  “There’s no way.”  What Riker is suggesting is starting to sound much more like some shadow government conspiracy theory, and even though he’s harbored similar thoughts himself in the last few hours, and even in the last few days, it suddenly seems too far-fetched to hear Riker say it out loud.  No one is that powerful.

 

But a thought nags at the back of his mind.  Someone is this powerful.  Someone is powerful enough to infiltrate KCPD, to poach citizens off the streets without consequences, to operate outside the law, because that’s what’s been going on.  Sebastian still can’t quite get his mind around it, but Riker is speaking again.

 

“They were powerful enough to offer me protection from the guys I used to run with,” he says, shooting Sebastian a meaningful look.  That alone says a lot, because as Sebastian suspected during his conversation with Zora, people don’t just leave MS13, and if this shadow organization has actually been able to protect Riker from them, that’s a huge amount of power.  It also spawns another question.

 

“Why did you leave?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Difference of opinion,” Riker says simply.

 

“What-?” Sebastian starts to say, but Riker waves his hand impatiently, and Sebastian lets up on the button so he can finish.

 

“You may find this hard to believe, but there are some things even I won’t do,” he says before he gets to his feet.  “Now, if you’ll excuse me.  I’ve got a loose end to tie up, and I think you know which one I mean.”

 

Riker walks out of the frame while Sebastian fumes to himself.  He needs to get to Stefano before Riker, but he has no idea where Stefano is.  He can only hope that Riker doesn’t either.  Riker hasn’t appeared on any of the other cameras, so it would seem that some of these places aren’t spatially connected, and Sebastian can’t figure out if that makes him feel better or worse.

 

He stares hard at the screens, looking for anything out of place, like the doll or the journal, because if he’s still here then clearly there is something else he’s supposed to do.  A tiny flicker of motion on one of the upper screens catches his eye, but by the time he looks up there, it’s gone.  Then he spots a figure moving in on the lower left screen, but again, he isn’t fast enough to get a good look at it.  Suddenly, almost every screen is in motion, flickering, shifting, vaguely humanoid shapes darting here and there.  Sebastian can’t keep track, can’t figure out what he is actually looking at, until a familiar figure appears on the main screen.

 

“Ruvik,” he breathes.  He gestures to the room around him, to the burned-out shell of Slade’s house.  “What the hell is all this?  Where are we?”

 

“You are in my world, Sebastian,” Ruvik says, his voice a low rumble in the earphones.  “And you are mine to do with as I please.”

 

Sebastian presses the button.  “Where is Stefano?”  he asks.  His voice is hard.  He has had enough of Ruvik’s games.  He is sick of the way Ruvik talks in circles, and Stefano is still missing, and now Riker is looking for him too.

 

“You need to find him, don’t you?” Ruvik asks.  “You need to get there in time.  Can’t be too late to save him… the way you were too late to save her.”

 

Sebastian raises his hand to slam it down on the button again and tell Ruvik to shut the hell up, but an ear-splitting scream of static rips through the headset, and Sebastian staggers.  He yanks the earphones off his head, but the static continues, pitch and volume climbing as Sebastian drops to his knees, hands clasped over his ears.  It’s dark all around him, but he isn’t sure if he’s shut his eyes or if the environment has actually changed.

 

The static stops as abruptly as it started, leaving Sebastian blind and deaf and disoriented as the floor lurches dangerously underneath him.  He needs to find solid ground, needs to get his feet under him so that he can run.  He can’t be too late this time.

 

 

 


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimenez walks a few feet to a computer terminal that also appears to be part of the system and studies the screen before he answers Sebastian. “I explained before that STEM is a system of linking brains together to achieve a group consciousness.” He looks questioningly at Sebastian, who nods. “Well, one of the basic requirements for the system is a stable platform to connect all of the others minds- a sort of base consciousness for the system, which we called the Core.”
> 
> Sebastian waits in silence and Jimenez continues, “As you might imagine, the Core has a disproportionate amount of influence over the environment in STEM. All of the linked minds are contributing on some level, but the Core has conscious control, and a Core that is self-aware would have nearly absolute power.”

 

 

Sebastian jerks awake, his back stiff as though he’s been sleeping on the floor, and in fact, he is lying on a tile floor in a dark room.  He gets to his feet quickly, wincing a little as his sore muscles protest, but he can’t delay.  There is something he is supposed to be doing.  Someone he is supposed to be finding.

 

The darkness of the room is complete, at least initially, but a pulse of energy rips through it, as bright as a flash of lightning.  The way it looks, the way it feels, the sense of impending dread it brings reminds Sebastian of the pulses of energy that flowed from Ruvik and from the safe-headed creature.  This time though it is coming from the glass tower at the center of the STEM terminal, which Sebastian is just able to make out in the flash of light before it fades away.  He can’t say that he’s happy to see it, but at least it’s something familiar in this constantly changing landscape.

 

Sebastian approaches with some trepidation, guided by the bright, pulsing flashes.  After all, the last two times he got close to these energy ripples, he was treated to some fairly shocking visions.  But the STEM terminal is all he can see in an otherwise endless black void, so he keeps moving forward, even though it’s hard to keep his direction consistent because the contrast of deep darkness and blinding light is so jarring.

 

When he reaches the edge of the tubs, the pulsing stops, and a steady blue light emanates from the tower at the center of the terminal.  It reminds Sebastian of the blue tint that colored the environment at the Victoriano house when Ruvik was chasing him, and he feels distinctly uneasy as he walks past the tubs and moves closer to the tower.  He hopes there isn’t going to be a chase this time, because his legs feel heavy and even his balance feels a little off, as though someone has dropped him into a body that he isn’t accustomed to- one that is just a bit too tall or differently proportioned than his own.

 

It is so quiet- strangely quiet in fact.  He can’t even hear his own footsteps on the floor, but he is starting to hear the faint buzzing of static.  Inside the tower, suspended in fluid, is what appears to be a human brain.  Sebastian is no scientist, but he doesn’t know what else it could be.  The brain is attached to wires and pierced by probes, much like the brains in the puzzles that Sebastian remembers from Ruvik’s home.

 

He slowly circles the tower, trying to see if anything looks different about the brain from another angle, if this is somehow another puzzle that he must solve in order to keep moving forward, to get closer to his goal.  What he finds is even more shocking.  On the other side of the tower is a label affixed to the glass.  It reads ‘Ruben Victoriano- 001’.  The buzz of static is getting louder, impossible to ignore now.

 

Sebastian can only stare.  Is this Ruvik?  Is this what’s left of Ruvik?  Sebastian knows that Jimenez said that Ruben left part of himself in STEM, but he didn’t think that the comment was to be taken so literally.  He looks at the label again.  In addition to various warnings about maintaining the pressure in the container, there is another name in the corner- ‘Mobius’.  It stands out to Sebastian simply because it’s a word he hasn’t heard before.

 

He looks at the brain again, follows the wires leading off of it with his eyes.  They run down to the tubs that surround the central tower.  There is an idea forming in Sebastian’s head, an idea about how STEM might work, and it is crazy, but so is everything else that’s happened here.  The static is deafening.

 

“What the hell are you playing at, Ruvik?” he grumbles, turning his attention back to the brain.  He is reaching out a hand to touch the glass when the static suddenly stops.

 

Jimenez’s voice in the otherwise quiet room makes him jump.  “Don’t touch that,” he says sharply, as though Sebastian is an unruly child on a field trip to the museum.

 

“What the hell is this?” Sebastian shoots back.  He isn’t sure where Jimenez came from or how they are suddenly in the same place again, but he’s not passing up the opportunity for some answers.

 

Jimenez sighs.  “I told you already.  This is a representation of the STEM system.”

 

“Right, but Ruben Victoriano’s name is on this one,” Sebastian says, gesturing to the label.

 

Jimenez’s gaze flicks over to the label, but he doesn’t look surprised in the least.  “Yes, it is,” he says, with infuriating simplicity.

 

“So what the hell is this?” Sebastian gestures again, raising his voice, because he doesn’t know how to ask the question in a different way.

 

Jimenez walks a few feet to a computer terminal that also appears to be part of the system and studies the screen before he answers Sebastian.  “I explained before that STEM is a system of linking brains together to achieve a group consciousness.”  He looks questioningly at Sebastian, who nods.  “Well, one of the basic requirements for the system is a stable platform to connect all of the others minds- a sort of base consciousness for the system, which we called the Core.”

 

Sebastian waits in silence and Jimenez continues, “As you might imagine, the Core has a disproportionate amount of influence over the environment in STEM.  All of the linked minds are contributing on some level, but the Core has conscious control, and a Core that is self-aware would have nearly absolute power.”

 

Sebastian jumps ahead, because he can already see where this is going.  “And why the hell would you make Ruvik the Core?”  He does feel some sympathy for Ruben after witnessing his memories of the fire, but Ruben also killed his parents and used helpless mental patients in his experiments into the human mind.  His brain hardly seems like the kind of ‘stable platform’ that Jimenez is talking about.

 

“He left us no choice,” Jimenez says.  “When he learned what I had planned to do with STEM, he made some adjustments to the hardware.  It is difficult to explain, but essentially he programmed the system so that the only way it would run, the only way it would power up at all, was if his own brain was linked into it.  There is only one STEM terminal in existence, and it only responds to the frequencies emitted by Ruben’s brain.

 

“It was ingenious in a way,” Jimenez says, sounding almost in awe of Ruben’s mind.  “It ensured that research into STEM could not continue without Ruben… or at least, not without Ruben’s brain.”  He nods at the brain in the glass tower behind Sebastian.  “He believed that he had put us at his mercy, that he would be the one to decide how STEM could be used, but he underestimated the lengths to which Mobius would go to conduct their research.”

 

“And Mobius is…?” Sebastian asks, remembering the name he saw on the label.

 

“The company that was interested in the STEM technology,” Jimenez replies.  “The company that I now work for.”  He gives Sebastian a shifty sort of smile.  “If I thought there was any chance either one of us is going to make it out of here alive, I would not be telling you any of this.”

 

“What happened?”  Sebastian asks.  “What did Mobius do to Ruben?”

 

Jimenez gestures at the brain in the glass tower.  “Exactly what you see,” he replies.  “They removed his brain so that they could use it to run the prototype STEM system and continue to conduct their research.  They had no use for his body.”

 

If Mobius is behind Slade’s operation and Jimenez’s research and the entire STEM system, then Sebastian already knows how little regard they have for other people’s lives.  He knows that Ruben did some truly terrible things, but does he really deserve this?  Does anyone deserve this?

 

“It was… regrettable,” Jimenez continues.  “He had such a brilliant mind.”

 

“And now we’re all stuck inside that mind.  Is that what you’re telling me?” Sebastian presses.  “If Ruvik is the Core, then that explains a lot of what’s been going on in here, right?”

 

Jimenez nods.  “It does.”

 

“And what does Ruvik want with us?” Sebastian asks, voicing the question that he and Stefano keep tossing back and forth.

 

“Well, it’s only a theory,” Jimenez replies, “but I would say he wants us dead.”

 

“I don’t think so,” Sebastian says.  “He’s had more than enough opportunities to kill me, but instead he just keeps showing me scenes from his past.”

 

“It sounds as though he is toying with you,” Jimenez replies.  “Probably a way he has found to amuse himself.  He’s been trapped inside his own mind for so long that tormenting others is the only thing that brings him any pleasure.”

 

While Jimenez’s explanation makes some sense, Sebastian can’t say that it fully explains Ruvik’s behavior toward him.  He can’t imagine what it would feel like to be trapped inside one’s own mind, unable to have any meaningful interaction with the outside world, imprisoned with no hope of release.  Maybe it’s all made Ruvik go a little crazy- well a little more crazy than he already was- and his behavior is totally irrational.

 

Sebastian is mulling this over when Jimenez asks, “Where is Stefano?”

 

“I don’t know,” Sebastian answers automatically.  “We were separated.”

 

Jimenez shrugs and goes back to tapping at the keys on the computer terminal.

 

“What about you?” Sebastian asks.  “What have you been doing?  Any ideas about how to get out of STEM?”

 

Jimenez sighs.  “Nobody’s getting out of STEM.  I already told you.  Ruvik is a god in this world, and he will never let us go.”

 

Sebastian still doesn’t entirely agree with this, because Ruvik’s actions, especially toward him, seem more purposeful than mere torture, but Jimenez has clearly made up his mind.  The static hum is back, very low so that Sebastian has to strain his ears to hear it, but it’s there.  He glances at Jimenez, who isn’t giving any sign that he hears it.

 

Sebastian turns back to the glass tower, and he could swear that when he looks at the brain, really scrutinizes it, the buzz of static grows louder.  He keeps staring until his eyes go out of focus, but his gaze is still fixed on the brain.  The volume of the static grows and grows, and soon Sebastian can hear the voices inside it.  _You did this to us!  You did this to us!  You did this to us!_

 

He can’t hear anything else.  Jimenez might as well not be in the room, because the words in the static and the brain floating in the glass tower have captured all of his attention.  There is something else in the static, something that is just outside his range of hearing like a poorly tuned station on the radio.  If he can only get a little closer to the brain, he’ll be able to make it out.  As if transfixed, Sebastian reaches out toward the brain, but the second his fingers touch the glass, it shatters with an earth-shaking pulse of energy that sends Sebastian careening backward.

 

Suddenly the floor is not the floor anymore, and he is falling down into a deep pit, the STEM set-up still visible above him.  There are three or four seconds where he is just free-falling, flailing his arms for something, anything, to slow his descent, but he is in a void.  He tries to call out for Jimenez, for anyone, but he can’t get a sound out.

 

He just has enough time to wonder if this is a survivable fall when he hits the ground hard, all of the air immediately forced out of his lungs by the impact.  It hurts like hell, but amazingly he seems to have no broken bones or serious injuries, and after he lies on the floor gasping for a few seconds, he is able to struggle to his feet and take a look around.  The darkness is deep, but when he turns on his flashlight, things start to look more familiar.

 

He is in his old office, in the Homicide Squad on KCPD, and he shines his light around, feelings swirling inside him.  There is confusion to be sure, some nostalgia as he reflects on a happier time, a touch of bitterness about how things turned out.  Then the beam of his flashlight reflects off a metal box with two dials on it, and he nearly jumps out of his skin.

 

Surely it’s just an ordinary safe though.  He can’t remember anything like this being in the KCPD offices, but it must be.  This is a familiar, safe place, and Sebastian’s brain can’t process it being corrupted by STEM.  It’s just a safe.  It can’t hurt him.

 

Then the metal box is rising up into the air, and Sebastian realizes that it isn’t resting on a table at on, but on the shoulders of the monstrous creature that has been pursuing him and Stefano.  He reaches for his revolver, but stops, remembering how completely ineffective weapons were, remembering how Stefano ultimately subdued the monster last time.  He doesn’t know if he can do this, doesn’t know if he can be as strong as Stefano, but now he has no choice.

 

The creature approaches him, heavy footsteps shaking the whole building as it closes the distance.  Sebastian holds his position, bracing himself for an attack that never comes.  The creature drops to one knee in front of Sebastian, and Sebastian takes a deep breath.  He is shaking all over, but he knows what he has to do, knows what number he has to dial in.

 

He reaches for the dials with an unsteady hand, but the creature waits patiently for him to turn the top one to two, and the bottom one to eleven.  There is a metallic clunk, and the safe door swings open.  He expects all the lights to go out like the last time, but the beam of his flashlight stays true, and he directs it into the safe.  There is a familiar item inside, and Sebastian reaches out to take it almost reflexively.  His hand closes around his car keys, and they feel real, lifelike, not like some kind of illusion here in STEM.  Just for a moment, he wonders if this is all some sort of nightmare.

 

Then he remembers that his hand is currently inside the monster’s head, and he takes the keys, withdrawing his hand quickly and waiting to see the monster’s reaction.  It doesn’t move a muscle, and Sebastian takes a step backward, keeping a close eye on it.  It is still utterly motionless, almost as though it is now a piece of furniture.  Perhaps it is.

 

Sebastian slips the keys into his pocket, carefully skirts around the monster, and leaves the office.  He descends the stairs and goes out the front door.  The cold hits him hard, and he can actually see his breath in front of him, can feel the frigid air piercing his lungs.  He looks for his vehicle, but remembers that the keys he just picked up are for a department-issued vehicle, and one he hasn’t driven in years.  It’s still somewhat familiar to him though, and as soon as he starts to walk down the row, he spots it.

 

He gets in and starts the engine.  There is no doubt in his mind as to where he is supposed to be going.  The streets of Krimson are deserted- not a car, not a pedestrian in sight.  The outside lights of most of the businesses he passes are on, but there are no customers inside, no signs of life.  Muscle memory takes him back to his old neighborhood, the one with the beautiful old house where he used to live with Myra and Lily.

 

As he turns onto their street, he expects to smell smoke, expects to see flames, but there is nothing.  Their house is dark and quiet and their street is as deserted as the rest of Krimson.  He parks in the driveway, suddenly unsure of what he is supposed to be doing.  He was so certain that he was brought back here to witness the fire, to feel the pain of losing Lily all over again, and now he is lost.  But he is at home, and routine takes him to the door.  He unlocks it and steps inside.

 

“Myra?” he calls.  “Lily?”  He feels stupid doing it, because it’s impossible, but so is the fact that this house is still standing, so are so many of the things he’s seen in STEM.  There is no answer.  The house is undamaged, but somehow the emptiness is crushing all the same.

 

Sebastian makes a quick sweep of the first floor, finding nothing out of place, before he moves upstairs.  He knows where he should go, knows where he probably has to go, but he checks his and Myra’s bedroom and his study first, trying to delay the inevitable as long as possible.

 

When he reaches the door to Lily’s room, it is exactly how he remembers it from before the fire, the same way it appeared when he and Jackson were in this house so many hours ago.  He grasps the knob and turns it, and as soon as the door opens, he can tell that things are about to go to shit again.

 

The room beyond the door isn’t Lily’s room.  For one thing, it is much larger, though Sebastian can’t be sure how large because it is mostly dark.   A hanging light illuminates a circle straight ahead of Sebastian, and he recognizes the figure kneeling there.

 

“Stefano!” Sebastian calls, starting forward at a run.

 

Stefano’s head snaps up and he raises a hand to Sebastian, palm facing him.  “Stop,” he says.  His voice sounds harsh, echoing in the space around them.  Sebastian skids to a halt, because he may not understand what is going on, but Stefano’s voice tells him that this is deadly serious.

 

“Stefano?” Sebastian says.  “What the hell is happening here?”

 

“Just go, Sebastian,” Stefano says.  “Just turn around and go back the way you came.”  Stefano’s voice is still carrying to him, but it is losing some of its conviction.  He sounds uncertain now, almost afraid.

 

“No,” Sebastian replies, because this isn’t a hard decision at all.  “I just found you again.  I’m not going to leave you now.”

 

“He is using me,” Stefano says.  “He is using me to get to you, and if you stay here, you will play right into his hand.”

 

“I don’t give a shit what Ruvik is doing!” Sebastian snaps, because he assumes that Ruvik is the ‘he’ that Stefano is talking about.  “I’m not leaving you here.”

 

He takes another step forward, but Stefano raises his hand again.  “Stop, Sebastian.  You do not understand.”

 

Sebastian stops.  “Then help me understand,” he says with an exasperated sigh.  “We can’t turn against each other now.  If we have any chance of getting out of STEM, it’s together.”

 

“And if he has any chance of getting out of STEM, it is through you,” Stefano says.  Sebastian can’t make sense of his words, but there is conviction behind them.

 

“I think that’s about enough of that kind of talk.”  Riker’s voice comes from somewhere to the left of the circle of light, and Sebastian is already reaching for his revolver.  He doesn’t think he has any ammo, but if nothing else, he can beat Riker over the head with it.  Stefano may be willing to take as much abuse as Riker can dish out, but after the conversation on the monitor in Slade’s house Sebastian has had enough.  He takes a few more steps forward, intending to locate Riker in the darkness.

 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Riker says, stepping into the circle of light as Sebastian stops for the third time.  “Wouldn’t want anything to happen to Stefano, now would you?”

 

Sebastian is still too far away to prevent Riker from doing anything to Stefano, too far away to do much of anything really, but he summons all of the rage inside him and shouts, “Leave him the hell alone!”

 

“You still don’t understand do you?” says Riker, casually strolling across the circle in front of Stefano.  He is toying with a small object that he holds in his hand.  “He is mine.  He is my property.  I can do as I please with him.”

 

Another voice echoes in Sebastian’s mind.  _You are mine to do with as I please._   He shakes his head, as if somehow that will clear it, but Ruvik’s voice is still there, and Riker is droning on about the things he will do to Stefano.  As he speaks, he is still manipulating the small object in his hand, but Sebastian is too far away to identify it.

 

Sebastian takes a moment then to actually look at Stefano, who is now kneeling in the circle of light with his head bowed.  He is also dripping wet again, and Sebastian feels a surge of sympathy for him as he remembers how distraught Stefano was in the vision of Krimson City Park.

 

Sebastian hasn’t exactly been listening to Riker, but as soon as he can get a word in, he declares, “I won’t let you hurt him, Riker, so stand the fuck down!”

 

“And what exactly are you going to do about it?” Riker asks, a mocking note in his voice.

 

Sebastian moves forward again, but within a few steps a pungent, easily-recognizable odor fills his nostrils- gasoline.  And that’s when he realizes that the thing Riker is holding is a match.  He stops dead in his tracks.

 

“Don’t do it Riker.”  There is a note of warning in his voice, but even Sebastian himself can hear the undercurrent of fear, because if Riker lights that match right now, then there is going to be very little he can do to protect Stefano.  Riker laughs, and Sebastian sees Riker’s hands move together, hears the sound of the match being struck, and he is hurtling forward with all of his speed.  It may not be enough, but he is damn well going to do something.

 

He reaches Stefano at about the same time as Stefano and the floor around him burst into flames.  It is shocking, and it sends a spike of adrenaline through Sebastian, but he doesn’t hesitate because there is simply no time.  Stefano has turned away, perhaps in an attempt to shield himself from the fire, and Sebastian grabs him around the chest in a bear hug and rolls both of them across the floor.

 

He maintains his grip as they roll over and over, hoping that he can smother some of the flames with his own body.  He can smell the gasoline, smell the burning fabric and skin, and it fucking hurts.  The entire front of his body is alight with pain, the searing agony of burning, but Stefano has to be suffering even more, so he doesn’t let up.  He can hear Riker’s voice, his angry shouts, but it sounds like he is far away, and the static is coming back up in his ears, rising to fill his consciousness along with Ruvik’s voice.  _You did this to us!  You did this to us!  You did this to us!_

Sebastian wants to protest, wants to tell Ruvik that he didn’t do any of this, that he didn’t do this to Ruben or to Lily or to Stefano, but something is nagging at the back of his mind.  He may not have done this, but he sure as hell didn’t do anything to stop it.  He wasn’t there to protect Lily any more than Ruben’s parents were there to protect him and Laura, and he’s failed to protect Stefano more times than he can count.

 

All these thoughts cross his mind very calmly, as his body works frantically to pat down Stefano, to extinguish the flames.  He’s making some progress, but there is still so much heat, so much pain, so much noise.  His hands are burning, his flesh is melting, and Stefano is screaming, but someone else is screaming too in a higher pitch.  He can hear it clearly even over the static, and suddenly everything makes sense, almost as though a switch has been flipped inside his brain.

 

He knows that scream.  He has heard it in his dreams every night for years.  She sacrificed herself for him, but he should have been the one to save her.  He may still be able to save her.  He can’t be sure, but now he is getting ahead of himself.  He has to get out of STEM first, and he is closer to accomplishing that than he has ever been.

 

 

 


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He is back on his feet and he doesn’t remember standing up. His head is still aching, though it’s more of a dull throb than a sharp pain now, but none of that bothers him nearly as much as that second, that one fleeting moment in time when he was overpowered. He had not considered the possible downsides of taking over this body, had not considered that it might actually limit his influence somehow.
> 
> He tries to calm himself, to ground himself again, because he is the Core and he controls everything, but when he starts to get too far into those thoughts, he can actually feel the control he has over this body slipping away, almost as though he is being lifted out of it to return to his anchor point at Beacon, and he can’t do that yet, not without his journal and not without Sebastian’s body.

 

 

The ground is soft underneath him, and he can hear the crackling of flames, can smell the smoke, can feel the heat.  At first, it’s oddly comforting because it’s familiar.  The fire is in his dreams every night, in his brain every time he closes his eyes- or it would be if he even had eyes to close.

 

He has eyes now, and he opens them to see his father’s barn burning all around him.  He also has arms and legs, and he uses them to push off the ground into a standing position out of the pile of straw where he has been lying.  He can feel the heat still, can feel the flames licking at his arms and his chest.  He can hear Laura’s scream rising in the back of his mind, but he silences it, shuts her out, because even though she is the most important thing in this world, she’s a distraction to his primary purpose right now.

 

The fire is a distraction as well, and he banishes it with only a thought, as easily as one might brush a crumb off of the tablecloth.  He is left standing in a field of sunflowers on a late summer afternoon.  He takes a moment to look down at his new body, or the body that will be his once he exits STEM.  It’s not a bad one, all things considered.  It’s strong and lean and reasonably fit, though he can tell that its previous owner had some habits that have taken a toll on it.  It’s no matter though- the drinking and smoking won’t catch up with him for years, and perhaps by then he’ll have found an even better one.

 

He has successfully extinguished himself, but he can still feel the pain in his hands, his arms, his chest, knows that there must be burns there, but that doesn’t cause him any concern.  In fact, he relishes them, because they are part of what makes this body, and the mind inside it, accessible to him.  The burning, the primal fear, the deep instinctive urge to protect another- those are the things that let him enter in the first place, and a few burns have never slowed him down.  They will not stop him from reaching his goal.

 

Even though he has never left STEM before- even though no one has ever left STEM before- he knows his destination.  He has to get back to Beacon, to the STEM terminal, because even if it’s only a mental construct, a representation of the real system in the real world, there is power there.  That is the place that he has anchored his consciousness, the place he always returns to in order to avoid becoming irreversibly lost in the world of STEM like so many of these hapless, roaming shadows of men.  But there is something he must do first.  It’s a stupid, sentimental thing, the sort of thing that would normally be beneath him, but it’s for her, and so it must be done.

 

He shifts the landscape and turns around to see his family home looming up before him.  Of course, he could have simply placed himself right in his own room, but there is something fitting about taking one last walk through the deserted mansion.  This is a location to which he would never return in the real world, but here in STEM he is free to explore it, to wander down the long, lonely hallways of his youth, to remember the quiet moments with Laura, to savor the look on his parents’ faces the last time he saw them alive.

 

He climbs the steps and reaches out for the door.  He has only just touched the handle when an explosion of pain rips through his head, causing him to stumble to his knees, hand clenched on the door handle with white knuckles.  He sees fire again, only fire, and he is burning, and just for a moment, he is not in control.

 

 

 

He staggers to his feet and pushes open the door to his house, but this isn’t his house.  This is Ruvik’s mansion, and he needs to be in his own house, needs to get back to Stefano, but his head feels like it’s going to split open.  It’s too much.  The pain is too intense, and he can’t be here anymore.  He lets go, lets himself drift.

 

 

 

He is back on his feet and he doesn’t remember standing up.  His head is still aching, though it’s more of a dull throb than a sharp pain now, but none of that bothers him nearly as much as that second, that one fleeting moment in time when he was overpowered.  He had not considered the possible downsides of taking over this body, had not considered that it might actually limit his influence somehow.

 

He tries to calm himself, to ground himself again, because he is the Core and he controls everything, but when he starts to get too far into those thoughts, he can actually feel the control he has over this body slipping away, almost as though he is being lifted out of it to return to his anchor point at Beacon, and he can’t do that yet, not without his journal and not without Sebastian’s body.

 

He starts to cross the entryway, but his path is blocked by the big man, the one who enjoys tormenting people almost as much as he enjoys it himself.  This man has been quite useful.  His cruel impulses and his disregard for the feelings of others made it easy to mold him into exactly the man who was needed for this job.  But he has served his purpose.

 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” the big man growls.

 

“Taking back what is mine,” he replies.  His voice sounds strange being forced through this new set of vocal chords, but he supposes he’ll get used to it in time.

 

“You mean what’s mine,” the man replies, which is of course a very stupid thing to say, because everything in STEM, everything around them, everything that they can conceive of, belongs to him, and he will not relinquish it until he is finished with STEM entirely.

 

He is preparing to swat the man out of his way like a bothersome fly, when he feels a sudden spike of anger, of blinding rage, which is strange, because he is not aware of harboring ill will toward this man, at least not any more than he harbors toward the other inhabitants of STEM, toward the other inhabitants of the world- the vermin, the microbes that plagued him as a researcher.  They are of little consequence now except to amuse him, but this man… this man is something else.

 

The longer he looks at him, the more things he can feel bubbling up inside of him- rage, loathing, disgust, and a kind of searing anger.  This man has offended him.  This man has hurt him, has hurt someone he loves, and he doesn’t deserve to live here any longer.  His anger, when he bothers with it, is usually cold, detached, but this burns hot and demands his immediate attention.  The longer he looks at this man, the more he wants to kill him, not just for convenience or to dispose of a failed experiment, but because he actually does not want this man in his world any longer.

 

He hasn’t felt this kind of raw, open emotion, this fury, since the last time he saw his parents, and it sweeps him up like a gust of wind, and he is dashing forward, plunging his hand into the man’s chest and relishing the disbelief, the horror on his face as their eyes lock.  Killing his parents was much more difficult, hampered as he was by his damaged body.  He remembers plunging the knife into them over and over again, dozens of times, until they finally went still and quiet.  But this is easy, almost too easy.  The man’s flesh tears like tissue paper, and nothing will stop him from ripping it to shreds.

 

He twists his hand, and the man grunts in pain, still staring at him with wide eyes.  He gags, coughs, and there is blood leaking from his mouth now.  He squeezes his hand into a fist, and there is even more blood, streaming out of his mouth and down the front of his body in a red torrent.  It fuels his anger and he squeezes harder.  The man’s mouth is opening and closing frantically now, and his body jerks helplessly, pinned in place, but still dutifully going through its death spasms.

 

His own heart races and his adrenaline soars, and it hasn’t felt this good to kill someone since his parents.  The man is still gurgling and gasping, blood pouring from his mouth, until he gives one final twist of his wrist and the man goes still.  His head lolls to the side and blood is still leaking from his mouth, but there is no life left in him anymore.  He smiles a crooked smile.  Somewhere out in the real world, back at Beacon, a light is going off on one of the STEM tubs.

 

He drops the man’s body to the ground, because even though this was a very pleasant diversion, it is not why he came to this place, and he cannot afford to be distracted now- not when he is so close.

 

He is halfway up the large, curving staircase on the left when another headache strikes, staggering him again, and when he regains his vision the stairs in front of him are not the ones in his house, but just an ordinary staircase in an ordinary suburban family home.  It’s a momentary lapse, maybe a seizure or a glitch in the system, but it’s not his home, and when he tries to shift it back, the blinding headache overtakes him again.

 

 

 

“Stefano?”  Sebastian is practically dragging himself up the stairs, his legs heavy and uncooperative, his hands and arms throbbing.  His vision is blurred, growing dark around the edges and there is a searing pain behind his eyes, but he has to get to Lily’s room, has to get back to Stefano.  He doesn’t know what the hell Ruvik is doing inside his head, but-

 

 

 

He is at the top of the stairs, swaying on his feet, and this time he can’t pretend that everything is still going according to plan.  Something is definitely wrong.  Sebastian is fighting him off, and he’s having some measure of success at it, but he has to hold on, at least long enough to get his journal and get back to the STEM terminal at Beacon.  It’s not Sebastian’s body that is causing him trouble- it’s Sebastian’s mind, and when he leaves STEM with Sebastian’s body, that mind will stay trapped in the system unable to reach him, unable to interact with the outside world, exactly as he has been for so many years.  But now escape is so close at hand.

 

He walks through the library and down the hallway.  There are monsters here, grotesque, twisted echoes of the men and women who have died in STEM, but they flee before him, scattering down the hall as he advances.  He has just reached the door to his room when another sharp pain shoots through his skull, and he doubles over, almost knocked off his feet by the force of it.

 

 

 

He straightens up and opens the door, yelping in pain because his hand feels like an open wound, but he is wrapping it around the doorknob anyway.  It’s Lily’s room that he sees, and it’s not burning like it is in his dreams.  It’s also not the large, dark undefined space where he saw Riker and Stefano earlier.  It’s just Lily’s room, the way it looked when Lily was alive, and he can’t help but smile as he steps over the threshold.  There is a sense of peace here as he remembers Lily, how much he wanted to protect Lily, how much he still wants to protect Stefano.  This time when Ruvik tries to push his way into his mind, Sebastian pushes back.

 

Clearly Ruvik isn’t expecting the resistance, because there is a moment when everything is absolutely calm and still, and then all of his nerve endings light up with pain.  It’s like nothing he’s ever felt before in his life, because it is everywhere, and it hurts so fucking much that he can’t even form a coherent thought.  The pain is flaring up through his entire body, and he wants nothing more than to simply not have a body, to just step out of his and be free of this kind of suffering, but of course that’s exactly what Ruvik wants, and if Sebastian gives it to him, then who knows what will happen next.  So Sebastian holds on, grits his teeth, and fights the darkness filling the corners of his vision.

 

He takes one painful step forward before the room around him is shifting, and he is in Ruben’s bedroom.  The journal is still open on his desk, and Sebastian knows that Ruvik wants it.  Their minds are linked, after all, linked more intimately than Ruvik probably intended, and if Sebastian can’t get Ruvik out of his body, he is going to take full advantage of him being in there.

 

He makes his way to the desk, one excruciating step after another, and he can actually feel Ruvik’s anger, his fear, his confusion at how Sebastian is still in control.  His vision is blurring now from pain and stress and his body feels hot all over, but he reaches out and picks up the journal.  Immediately an ear-splitting scream- Laura’s scream- rips through his brain, and he almost drops the journal in surprise.  He tightens his grip, forces himself to remain conscious, because the assault on his senses is so strong now that all of his instincts are to let go, to give in and just let the suffering end.

 

The screaming and the pain and the heat build to a crescendo, and Sebastian drops to his knees on the floor.  His face is wet, and when he lifts a hand to wipe at it, his hand comes away smeared with red, but still he fights.  If his own suffering will give him a chance to save Stefano, he will give it a hundred times over.  He would have given it a hundred times over for Lily if he’d had that option.  His own screams are joining in with Laura’s, but that doesn’t matter.  All that matters is that he’s still here, still inside his own body.

 

He is hunched over on his hand and knees, trying to breathe through the pain, when suddenly everything stops.  The pressure in his head is gone, the pain is gone, the noise is gone.  There is a rush of relief, and Sebastian slumps forward onto the floor.

 

 

 

When he drifts back to consciousness, he is once again lying on something soft, but his entire body hurts, and the pain comes back all at once, knocks the wind out of him, so that he arches up off the mattress, frantically gasping for breath.

 

“It’s alright, Sebastian.  It’s just me.”  Stefano’s hand is on his chest, and even that hurts.  Sebastian struggles away, curling up in a fetal position with his back to Stefano, arms wrapped protectively around himself, because he can’t speak, can’t communicate with Stefano at all, but everything hurts, and he just wants to sink down into the mattress and make the pain stop.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says, his voice soft and soothing, the way it was when Sebastian was drugged and confused at Slade’s house.  He wants to answer Stefano- he really does- but the pain is so bad that he is afraid if he opens his mouth he is just going to start screaming.  Stefano continues, “I’m going to use one of the syringes.  Just stay right there.”

 

Sebastian doesn’t like the idea of using one of the syringes any more than he did the first time, but they have healed significant injuries in the past, so maybe they can do something for whatever it is that he is experiencing now.  He feels the bed shift as Stefano moves in closer behind him, and he doesn’t resist as Stefano unbuckles his belt and slides his pants down a few inches.  He feels Stefano’s fingers press against the muscle on the side of his hip, then the sharp sting of the needle, though it pales in comparison to everything else he is feeling.

 

The relief is a little slower this time, but it does come, and warmth spreads through him, radiating out from the injection site and soothing his frayed nerves.  He lets out a little moan as he can finally breathe easier, can finally start to unclench his body.

 

“There you go.”  Stefano’s hand is still resting gently on his hip.  “Just relax.”

 

Without the pain ripping through him, Sebastian finds that he actually can relax, and it feels pretty damn good.  He slowly stretches out to full length, wary of further aches and pains, but aside from a little soreness, he’s actually very comfortable.  He looks back over his shoulder at Stefano.

 

“Thanks,” he says.  He almost doesn’t recognize his own voice.  It’s much harsher than he was expecting, and as soon as he begins to speak he can detect the metallic tang of blood in his mouth.  In fact, there’s a very strong odor of blood as well.  He frowns, because he remembers wiping his face, remembers his hand coming away bloody, but he can’t recall why he was bleeding or what else was going on at the time.

 

Stefano moves away from him, tugging on his hip.  “Turn onto your back.  Let me clean you up a little.”

 

Sebastian obligingly rolls over onto his back, realizing quite suddenly that he is in Ruben’s room, on Ruben’s bed, with his head on Ruben’s pillow.  “How did you get here?” he asks, because the last time he saw Stefano was-

 

“Stefano!” Sebastian almost shouts, sitting bolt upright and pulling Stefano into a tight embrace.  “What about the fire?  Are you alright?”  His hands are running up and down Stefano’s body and he realizes that his clothes are burned, that he still smells like the fire but that his face and hands, which are the only parts of his body Sebastian can see, appear to be undamaged.   He pulls back a little to look Stefano in the face.  “Didn’t you get burned?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, “but I used a syringe.  In fact, I had to use three syringes, but they did eventually mitigate the damage.”

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian murmurs, leaning back and tugging Stefano down onto the bed with him, so that they are lying side by side with their arms wrapped around each other.  Those feelings from the last time he saw Stefano are rushing through him again- the sheer horror of what Riker was about to do, the fear that he was about to watch Stefano die the same way Lily died, the intense need to protect Stefano.  He’s sure that he’s probably squeezing Stefano too tightly, but he can’t bring himself to let go.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano replies.  There is an edge to his voice, a serious note that Sebastian is beginning to associate with impending disaster.  It’s then that Sebastian notices that Stefano’s body is rigid in his arms.  He’s been so caught up in his own misery, his own fear, his own need for comfort, that he didn’t even realize that Stefano isn’t enjoying this at all.

 

Sebastian loosens his grip and pulls back a little bit to look into Stefano’s face.  “What’s wrong?” he asks.  “Am I hurting you?”

 

“No,” Stefano replies, though his brow is furrowed in concern.  “You are not… planning to hurt me, are you?”

 

“What?  No!  Why would I want to do that?” Sebastian replies, genuinely confused by Stefano’s question.  It is true that most of the other people in Stefano’s life have probably hurt him at some point, but why would he think that about Sebastian?  Stefano doesn’t say anything, so Sebastian looks deeply into his eye and says, “I would never hurt you.  You know that, right?”

 

Stefano stares hard right back at him, as though he is trying to look past Sebastian’s face into his very soul.  “Yes,” he says quietly.  “Yes, I know that.”

 

“Can I hold you?” Sebastian asks, because he wants very much to pull Stefano close to him again, but Stefano still seems to be a little jumpy.  Stefano nods, a faint smile flashing across his face before he is pressed up against Sebastian again.

 

“I am sorry,” Stefano says, voice muffled by the front of Sebastian’s shirt.  “I think this place is beginning to affect me.”

 

Sebastian rubs his back gently.  “I think it’s affecting all of us.”  He can’t think of anything more profound to say on this point, so he just holds Stefano and breathes in the smell of him and the fire and Myra’s shampoo.  Even now that he knows the story behind it, the smell is still comforting to him, as is Stefano’s body resting against his.

 

As pleasant as it is to lie here with Stefano in his arms, he can’t possibly convey everything he wants to say to Stefano like this, so after a few minutes, he loosens his grip.  He’s about to try to start a more coherent discussion about the fire, when he suddenly recalls where he and Stefano were before that, and the things Riker was doing to him, and that just makes him pull Stefano against his body again.  “Oh my god, Stefano,” he whispers.  “I should have done something.  I should have stopped him.  I’m so sorry.  Please let me-”

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says, and this time his voice is firm.  “You did do something.  Don’t you remember?”

 

“Not in the fire,” Sebastian says, because he did take action to protect Stefano from the fire, even if it was impulsive and poorly thought-out and almost too late.  “I mean before at Slade’s house, when Riker was…”  He can’t quite bring himself to finish, but Stefano clearly understands him, because he heaves a sigh.

 

“There wasn’t anything for you to do, Sebastian,” Stefano says.  “That was my punishment.  That was how I atone for what I did to Emily.”

 

“But when does it end, Stefano?” Sebastian cuts in, his voice rising.  Stefano’s self-imposed punishment doesn’t correspond to his own sense of justice.  In his justice system there are limits and expectations and rules.  When someone commits a crime in Krimson City, they know that they do so at the risk of their freedom but Stefano has given up so much more than that.  Slade and his men know no rules, and Stefano’s punishment is similarly without limits.

 

“When Slade is finished with me,” Stefano says with a deep sigh.  “And it seems we may have reached that point.”  He pauses, pressing a little closer to Sebastian before he continues.  “I have known since the beginning that eventually I would become so damaged, so used up, that even he and his clients wouldn’t want me, but what Riker did… to try to burn me like that… I think he did mean to kill me.  With those injuries I would be useless to Slade, even if I did make it out of STEM.”

 

Sebastian doesn’t bother to point out that if Stefano did make it out of STEM, his body probably wouldn’t reflect those injures, because other memories intrude- memories of Stefano screaming, his clothes and his skin burning as Sebastian tried to put out the fire.  He rubs Stefano’s back, almost as much to soothe himself as Stefano, and asks, “And you’re okay now?  The syringes healed everything?”  Stefano must have been so badly burned, must have been in so much pain, that Sebastian can’t imagine the syringes resolved it completely, though they have done some fairly miraculous things before.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, pulling back from Sebastian, so that Sebastian has to release him.  Stefano takes Sebastian’s hands in his, lifting them up next to Sebastian’s face.  “It worked on your hands, didn’t it?”

 

Sebastian has to consider what Stefano is actually talking about for a moment, before realizing that of course his hands must have been burned.  He was trying to extinguish Stefano with his hands and his body after all.  He had assumed that the intense, widespread pain he was feeling was just another effect of STEM, like the static noises and the voices and the visions, but maybe some of it was because of those burns.

 

“I do seem to have some scarring though,” Stefano continues.  “Here, let me show you something interesting.”  Stefano sits up and unbuttons his suit jacket, then his dress shirt, pulling it open and slightly off his shoulders to bare his chest to Sebastian.

 

Sebastian flinches at first, because his mind goes immediately to the way Stefano was bleeding earlier from Riker’s rough treatment, but there is no blood now, and he doesn’t even see any scarring until he looks closely and realizes what Stefano is talking about.  Some of his skin is dark pink, like a bad sunburn, but there are pale, untouched patches as well, and Sebastian can actually see the places where his own hands and forearms wrapped around Stefano and protected him from the flames, at least somewhat.  There is an especially distinctive pale handprint on the right side of Stefano’s chest.

 

Sebastian is about to ask Stefano if those burned areas still hurt, if they need to find another syringe, but Stefano speaks first, a gentle smile crossing his face.  “You’ve left your mark on me now, you see.”

 

Sebastian draws his breath in quickly, because he realizes that this means something entirely different to Stefano than it does to him, remembers what Stefano said about the time Riker marked him.  He fixes Stefano with a serious look.  “You know this doesn’t make you my property, right?”

 

Stefano’s face falls immediately, and Sebastian feels like he’s said the wrong thing, even though it was clearly the only thing he could say under the circumstances.  “Not… not if you do not want me…” Stefano says, almost under his breath.

 

“Of course I want you,” Sebastian replies hurriedly, sitting up and wrapping his arms around Stefano’s waist, tugging him halfway into his lap.  “But I don’t want to own you.”  He presses a kiss to Stefano’s left temple.  “No one owns you.”

 

“I suspect you are right,” Stefano murmurs into his shoulder.  “No one would want to, because now I am useless to Slade as well.”

 

“If we get out of here,” Sebastian says.  “You’re not going back to him.”

 

“Because I’m going to prison?” Stefano asks.  The resignation in his voice is audible.

 

“No- I mean, I don’t know.”  Sebastian stumbles over his words, because he hasn’t actually had time to think any of this through since he learned about Emily, and he feels a little sick on the inside when he thinks of Stefano in prison.  “I don’t know.  I still need to think about that.  But you’re not going back to Slade and Riker.”

 

Stefano wraps his arms around Sebastian and snuggles closer but doesn’t say anything.  Sebastian is pretty sure that, no matter how much Stefano is enjoying soaking up his comfort right now, if they somehow made it out of STEM and Slade and Riker were willing to take him back, he’d probably go right back to them.  But that’s not going to happen if Sebastian has anything to do with it.

 

Sebastian kisses Stefano’s temple again, then his cheek, and he is angling for his mouth when Stefano pulls back with an expression that looks a little pained.  “Let me clean you up a bit first,” he offers.  “You have blood all over your face.”

 

Stefano reaches over and grabs a damp cloth from the bedside table, which Sebastian can only imagine Stefano put there earlier, because even though they’ve been finding syringes and ammunition and other useful things, that just seems too convenient.  He brings it to Sebastian’s face, starting just under his eyes, which is a little alarming to Sebastian, because he had assumed Stefano was referring to a nosebleed or something like that.  He closes his eyes as Stefano gently dabs at them with the cloth.

 

“How did you get here?” Sebastian asks.  “After the fire, I mean.”

 

“What do you mean ‘here’?” Stefano replies, moving on to the area around Sebastian’s nose and mouth, scrubbing a little harder to remove the blood from his facial hair.  “I never left this room.”  He pauses, before adding, “And neither did you.”

 

“What?” Sebastian asks, opening his eyes again to look at Stefano with some confusion.  He knows by now that time and space are fluid in STEM, but he distinctly remembers being in Lily’s room before, and he has vague memories after that of being in motion, like snapshots in his brain, and of course now they are in Ruben’s room, where Stefano has theoretically never been.  Surely he must have left the room at some point.  “What exactly happened after the fire?  And if we’re in the same room, then where the hell is Riker?”

 

Stefano’s hand falters.  “You really don’t remember, do you?”  He stares hard at Sebastian for a moment, his expression solemn with just a hint of fear.  “Sebastian… Riker’s dead.  You killed him.”

 

 

 


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He spoke about your mind, said that you were almost ready, but that you needed one final push,” Stefano says. “I tried to protest, because it sounded as though he meant to harm you, but of course, he couldn’t understand what I was saying. He stepped right up next to me then, holding his hand in the air above my chest, not touching me, but I could feel that his hand was cold… so cold. And he spoke again. He said, ‘I created this world. You cannot keep me here.’”

 

 

For a moment, Sebastian simply stares into Stefano’s face, trying to figure out if this is some kind of joke, but Stefano’s expression is deadly serious.  He has stopped wiping at Sebastian’s face with the washcloth, his hands are at his sides, and his gaze is boring into Sebastian with an intensity that Sebastian can almost feel.

 

“What do you mean I killed him?” Sebastian asks.  He remembers being in the room that was supposed to be Lily’s room, remembers Riker striking the match, remembers the fire, but everything after that is a blur of pain and heat and jumbled thoughts.

 

“I mean exactly what I said, Sebastian,” Stefano says, his eyebrow raised as though he is skeptical of Sebastian’s response.  “You killed him.”

 

“I don’t remember that,” Sebastian says.  “I don’t remember much of anything after he dropped the match.  Can you start there and tell me what happened?”

 

Stefano nods.  “When Riker dropped that match, you were already running toward me, which was really a very stupidly heroic thing to do.”  A smile tugs at the corner of Stefano’s mouth, and Sebastian has to give him a little smile back.  ‘Stupidly heroic’ is by far not the worst combination of words someone has used to describe him.

 

Stefano continues, “When you reached me, I was already on fire.  You may have noticed that Riker poured gasoline over me prior to your arrival, so I was rather flammable at the time.  You wrapped your arms around me and we rolled over and over on the floor.”  Sebastian nods, because he does remember all of this, but not what comes after.

 

“My own memories are not very clear for a few moments, because I was on fire and it was quite painful,” Stefano explains.  “But I do remember you putting your hands on me, trying to put out the fire I believe.  You were quite frantic at first, but then all at once, you became very calm.  You placed your palms flat on my chest, and just like that, the fire was gone.  I tried to speak to you then, but I could not manage the words, and you didn’t seem to be focused on me anymore.”

 

Sebastian does remember wanting to put out the fire, trying to put out the fire, but he doesn’t remember being with Stefano at that point.  Stefano continues, “I was still in tremendous pain, so there was very little I could do to gain your attention.  I felt quite helpless until I looked around on the floor beside me and saw the syringes.  There were three of them, fortunately all within crawling distance of my position, and it took all of them to restore me to this condition.”  Stefano gestures at himself.

 

“By the time I had used them and recovered enough to be aware of my surroundings, you were trying to approach me again, and Riker got in between us.  He challenged you, and you responded with a voice that was not yours- very deep and a little raspy-, something about taking back what was yours.  Riker wouldn’t stand aside, and you… you looked different for a moment.  You had a sort of blue aura about you, and you plunged your hand straight into his chest, and-”

 

Stefano stops speaking as Sebastian raises a hand to him, because that image, the thought of plunging his hand straight into a man’s chest- into Riker’s chest, no less- is stirring a memory.  It is only a vague idea at first- that he was filled with rage, that he wanted to kill Riker, and that he suddenly found himself with the power to do so.  Those feelings, those impulses build until they fill his mind, fill his senses, and he remembers more.  He remembers the cracking of bone as his hand pierced Riker’s ribcage, remember how soft and pliant Riker’s heart and lungs were with his newfound strength, remembers the way blood poured from Riker’s mouth as he jerked and twisted his hand.  If it had been anyone other than Riker, Sebastian would probably feel a little sick to be remembering these things, but if anyone deserved a fate like this, it was Riker.

 

The memories are strange, blurry and distorted, as though he was present, but viewing them through a damaged lens and even though he does remember Riker’s death now, remembers his own hand plunging into Riker’s chest, he still doesn’t feel sure that he is the one who killed Riker.

 

“I remember some of that,” Sebastian says.  “What happened next?”

 

“You pulled your hand out, and Riker fell to the floor,” Stefano says.  “He did not move again, but you walked forward, farther into the room, and then the room itself began to change.  One moment it would be the room where the fire started and the next moment it would be the room we are in now.”

 

Sebastian nods, because he remembers struggling to change the world.  He was fighting to get back to Lily’s room, to find Stefano, but someone more powerful was trying just as hard to change it back.

 

“You were holding your head and screaming,” Stefano says with a shudder.  “At times you almost appeared to be having a seizure of some sort.  You were on your hands and knees on the ground when you went quiet, and the room stopped changing.  Then you lost consciousness, and I was able to put you in the bed where you woke up.”

 

“Thank you,” Sebastian says, taking Stefano’s hands in his, because with all of the pain and the fear and the constant threat of actually losing his mind, it is incredibly comforting to know that he still has an ally in all of this.  Then he remembers how insistent Stefano was that they not harm Riker, and he wonders if Stefano is still on his side after all.  “Are you angry with me?  For killing Riker I mean?”

 

Stefano shakes his head.  “No,” he replies.  Then, looking up at Sebastian almost shyly, he says, “I trust you.  You may be reckless and a bit impulsive, but after what just happened I cannot doubt your concern for my well-being.”

 

Sebastian’s heart leaps at this, because to hear that Stefano trusts him, that Stefano knows that Sebastian will protect him is thrilling in its own way.  He squeezes Stefano’s hands.  “I’m not going to let anything happen to you,” he says.  With Riker out of the way, he actually thinks it’s a promise he can keep, though of course STEM is as unpredictable as ever.  He does feel strong though, confident in a way he hasn’t since they entered STEM.  Maybe it’s a delayed effect of the syringe.

 

Sebastian’s hands release Stefano’s and drift up his arms and inside his still-open shirt.  There’s nothing sexual about the touching.  His fingers are simply gliding over Stefano’s body, carefully exploring to make sure that all of Stefano is still there and undamaged.  He pauses at Stefano’s nipple, remembering what Riker had done to him, the blood and the screaming, and the way he used Stefano’s body so ruthlessly.  “Do you remember what happened when we were at Slade’s?” he asks.

 

“I do.”  Stefano nods solemnly.

 

“After the camera went off?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  “I was unaffected by the camera, though it did me little good as I was so thoroughly restrained that I couldn’t accomplish anything.”  Sebastian gives Stefano’s hip a gentle squeeze, recalling the restraints, the gag, how terribly exposed Stefano must have felt.  “But you and Riker were frozen in place.  Then the man in white appeared and spoke to you.  I would assume based on your conversation with Jimenez that it was Ruvik.”  Sebastian nods in confirmation.

 

Stefano continues, “When he placed his hand on you, it was almost as if the world shattered around me.  But I still couldn’t move, and when the world re-formed itself, I was still on that table in Slade’s house.”

 

“Wait,” Sebastian interrupts, “I was in Slade’s house too.  It looked like there had been a fire.”

 

“Not in the room I was in,” Stefano replies.

 

“How is that possible?” Sebastian asks.  “I went that same room.  I put my hands on that same table.”  He is sure of this, though he realizes now that he no longer has the doll he found on the table or the strange version of Stefano’s journal that he found under the mattress in the burned house.

 

“I do not know,” Stefano replies, “though I also cannot say that this is much different from anything else that has happened in STEM.  Space and time seem to be loose concepts here.”

 

Sebastian nods, because it’s true, but it is still terrifying to think that he and Stefano could be in the same house in the same room and not be able to see or hear each other- not even be able to see the same version of the room.  His mind is already one step ahead, wondering if each time they seem to be separating, they are actually still together, if there is a risk of them hurting each other while under the influence of Ruvik’s delusions.  He shudders at the thought.  He has no regrets about killing Riker, but if anything happened to Stefano at his hand, he would never forgive himself.

 

“At any rate,” Stefano continues, “I lay there for several minutes until someone opened the door.  I assumed it would be you or Riker, but it was Ruvik.  We had a very one-sided conversation, as you might imagine, since he refused to undo the restraints or the gag.”

 

“That sounds like Ruvik,” Sebastian says.  “He never seemed interested in anything I had to say either.  Maybe he just likes the sound of his own voice.”  Sebastian means it as a joke, but with the way Ruvik’s voice has echoed in his head on some of those previous occasions, he is starting to wonder if his voice does actually hold some sort of power.  “What was he saying?”

 

“He was observing that you seemed to be very attached to me, how distraught you would be if something happened to me, that you would do anything to protect me, especially because- and these are his words, not mine- you had failed to protect Lily.”

 

“Oh no,” Sebastian breathes, because his heart is starting to pound again.  Those words, those sentiments are familiar, and he suddenly has an idea of where all of this is going, of what might have happened when the fire was set, but he needs to hear it from Stefano, because he himself may not have been in the best position to observe everything.

 

“He spoke about your mind, said that you were almost ready, but that you needed one final push,” Stefano says.  “I tried to protest, because it sounded as though he meant to harm you, but of course, he couldn’t understand what I was saying.  He stepped right up next to me then, holding his hand in the air above my chest, not touching me, but I could feel that his hand was cold… so cold.  And he spoke again.  He said, ‘I created this world.  You cannot keep me here.’”

 

Sebastian nods.  Based on what he knows from talking to Jimenez the second time, Ruvik’s words make perfect sense.  Of course, it’s Mobius, not Sebastian or Stefano who is trying to keep Ruvik here, but everyone in STEM seems to be feeling his wrath just the same.

 

“And then he was gone, and Riker was back.  He did some things… things that I will not tell you about in detail, because they will only make you angry, but you know by now what kind of man he is.”  Stefano looks into Sebastian’s face, and his expression begs Sebastian not to ask any more about this.  Sebastian nods and remains silent.

 

“When he was finished, I was quite weak and close to losing consciousness, even more than I was before when we used the camera.  I was only vaguely aware of being unbound and un-gagged and dressed and carried up the stairs to my room.  I had assumed that he only meant to continue… what he had been doing, as he sometimes did those things in my room to ensure that I had no place to retreat from him.”

 

That’s a painful thought for Sebastian, because he has been wary of going into Stefano’s room himself for the same reason.  He is sure that Stefano needed some kind of sanctuary from everything that happened at Slade’s house, but clearly he hasn’t been given that comfort.  He realizes that his hands have been resting at Stefano’s waist while Stefano has been talking, and he wants to touch more of Stefano, wants to hold him and kiss him and remind him that Riker will never hurt him again.

 

“Lie down with me,” he says quietly, leaning back and tugging Stefano with him.  “I’m sorry.  I know you’re in the middle of the story, but could we just…?”

 

“Yes, of course,” Stefano says with a slight smile, and within a few seconds they’ve arranged themselves with Sebastian lying on his back and Stefano draped halfway over him, head resting on Sebastian’s chest.  Sebastian’s arms are wrapped around Stefano, hands underneath his clothes, so that he can rub his back as Stefano continues speaking.  He knows it’s the wrong time to be thinking this, but Stefano’s skin is so smooth and perfect, and the way Stefano snuggles closer to him when he touches a sensitive place is extremely distracting.

 

“I know the way to my room, even when I am being carried, even when I am barely conscious, because I have been taken there from downstairs so many times before, and I am certain that we were at the door to my room, but when Riker opened it… the room had changed.  It was the room you saw just before the fire started.”

 

Sebastian nods.  “For me it was Lily’s room,” he offers.  “Or at least, it was where Lily’s room was supposed to be, but when I opened the door it wasn’t her room.”

 

“Exactly,” Stefano says.  “I was unable to determine the boundaries of the space, both because of the darkness and because I still was not feeling very well, but it should have been my room.  Riker put me down, and he was speaking to me.  I realized he had actually been speaking to me the entire time, though my mind was too broken down to grasp most of it.

 

“At first, the things he were saying were very typical- that I was an embarrassment, that I disgusted him, that I was nothing more than a sad, used-up whore-”

 

“Don’t say things like that,” Sebastian cuts in, pulling Stefano tightly against him.  “You know none of that’s true.”

 

“Nevertheless,” Stefano replies.  “That is what he said, but then something changed.  He seemed to be… not quite himself.  He said that there was one more way I could be useful to him, and of course, I was in no position to refuse.  I have never been in a position to refuse him, and… I know this may not make sense to you, but sometimes he used to praise me when I had done well, and I did find myself wanting to please him at times.”

 

“It’s alright,” Sebastian says as his hand makes circles on Stefano’s back.  “I think I understand.”  Stefano has had so little praise or comfort or any positive interactions in his time with Slade that of course he would feel some sense of loyalty to anyone who would show him even a shred of kindness.  Sebastian remembers watching Riker and Stefano on the cameras, feels a fresh wave of disgust at the way Riker manipulated Stefano.  Of course, now Riker is dead, so there’s nothing to be done but to make sure that Stefano knows he deserves much better.  And Sebastian fully plans to do that if they ever get out of STEM.

 

Even though he hasn’t been willing to fully address his feelings for Stefano, they have been developing, evolving during this ordeal, and now when he imagines his life after STEM, Stefano is there in some capacity.  There is still a small voice in the back of his mind warning him that Stefano doesn’t really care for him, doesn’t really want him, that Stefano is only interested in him now because he’s the first person who doesn’t treat Stefano like shit.  He holds him closer, leaning down to kiss the top of his head, but Stefano has already begun speaking again.

 

“He had me kneel there on the floor, where you saw me, and when he began to pour the liquid over me at first, I wasn’t terribly surprised.  Sometimes Slade or Riker would punish us with cold or very hot water if he wanted to discipline us without leaving lasting marks.  But then I smelled that it was gasoline, and I realized what Ruvik had meant by that final push, or at least, I guessed what he meant.  And that was when you came through the door.”

 

“So when you were trying to warn me…” Sebastian begins.

 

“It was largely guesswork,” Stefano cuts in, “but based on what he had said earlier, it seemed to me that he needed your mind, that he was trying to prepare your mind for something, and that he felt he was trapped in STEM.”

 

“That was some good guesswork,” Sebastian replies.  “I actually talked to Jimenez again before I saw you, and he said that Ruben didn’t become the Core voluntarily.  Apparently Mobius- that’s the organization that now owns the STEM system- forcibly removed his brain and is using it to run the system while they conduct their research.  Of course he wants out of here, but why does it have to be through me?”

 

Even as he speaks, Sebastian thinks he can probably answer his own question, and it makes a lot of puzzle pieces fall into place.  There are some parallels between Ruben’s past and his own, and Ruvik seems to be playing those up, emphasizing them in the visions he has shown Sebastian, in the information he has shared about his own life, and in the memories of Sebastian’s that he has chosen to resurrect.  If Ruvik needs to find a compatible mind in order to leave STEM, then of course someone with similar experiences and similar motivations might be appealing.

 

And then his mind is reeling even harder, because maybe that explains the conversation he heard between Jimenez and Slade in the burned version of Slade’s house, the conversation he would have heard days earlier if he hadn’t been too drugged up to remember it.  Was Sebastian hand-picked for this solely because he would be compatible with Ruvik?  And if so, how would Mobius even known about him?  That would be very personal information that… he remembers Stefano talking about Myra, remembers that Myra was working with Jimenez, and his mind starts to go to a very dark place before he is interrupted by Stefano.

 

“As I said,” Stefano explains, “everything I have done is guesswork, but it seems that he believed that placing me in that situation would allow him to do whatever it was that he needed to do with your mind.  But now I must ask you- did he succeed?”

 

Sebastian heaves a sigh, because he is starting to wonder the same thing.  In the context of the new information Stefano has given him, he is remembering bits and pieces of what happened after Riker dropped the match.  He remembers the feeling of power, the ability to change the world around him.  He remembers killing Riker, and the sheer pleasure he felt as the man’s life drained away all around his hand.  He remembers that he needed something from this room- a journal, the journal that he saw when he was in Ruben’s house before.

 

“Was I holding something?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Excuse me?” Stefano says, sitting up a little and looking down at Sebastian in confusion.

 

“Was I holding something when you found me on the floor?” Sebastian says.  “I think it has something to do with what we need to do next, but I can’t remember everything right now.”

 

“Oh, you mean this?” Stefano replies, reaching over for the bedside table.  He hands Sebastian a small bound book.

 

As soon as Sebastian’s hand touches it, the searing, all-consuming pain returns, shooting from his skull through every nerve ending in his body, and he cries out, his body convulsing on the bed, but it only lasts for a split-second.  He is left shaking, trying to draw a breath as Stefano looks down at him with some concern.

 

“I’m alright,” Sebastian says, once he can get enough air to speak.  “Just hurt for a second.  I’m okay now.”

 

Stefano nods, though he looks a bit skeptical, and Sebastian sits up and opens the book.  For a moment it feels very hot in his hands and then very cold, but all of it passes so quickly that Sebastian is sure it must be his imagination.  The contents are just as he remembers from when he opened it in Ruben’s house before.  Ruben was certainly an unusual child, but there is nothing overtly strange here except for the emphasis on Laura’s name.  In fact, some entries seem to be entirely about Laura.  There is nothing here about STEM or Mobius or Jimenez, and looking at it for too long is starting to make his head hurt, so he sighs and closes the book, wondering how this could possibly have anything to do with Ruvik’s escape plan.

 

Stefano is still looking at him meaningfully, and Sebastian realizes that he never answered the big question that Stefano asked a few minutes ago.  He’s not even sure he knows how to answer.  “I think… I think he was in my head for some of what happened right after the fire… between the time when I was trying to put it out and when you saw me lose consciousness.”

 

Sebastian sets the book down on the bed, raking his hands through his hair in frustration, because this is all very unclear to him as well.  “I felt some of his thoughts, some of his memories as though they were my own.  I definitely felt his power.  I’m sure that’s how I was able to do what I did to Riker.”

 

Stefano nods solemnly, and Sebastian continues.  “I think we were struggling over the environment.  That might be why you saw the room changing back and forth.  I was trying to get to you, and he was trying to get to this book.”  He taps the journal with his finger.  “A lot of it is blurry though.  Like I was there, but I wasn’t there, if that makes any sense.”

 

“Do you remember anything about how to leave STEM?” Stefano asks, leaning forward slightly as he waits for Sebastian to answer.

 

And Sebastian does remember something, because even in the jumble of thoughts and feelings, he had a destination in mind.  He knew where he had to go after he got the journal.  “Beacon,” he replies.  “He wanted to get to the STEM terminal there.  I’m not sure why, but it seemed really important.”

 

“I see,” Stefano replies, his mouth twisting to the side.  “Now if only we knew how to reach a specific destination in here.  It seems that up to this point, we’ve been going where he wants us to go.”

 

“That might work to our advantage,” Sebastian replies, “because that’s probably exactly where he wants us to go.  At least, that’s where we were heading before I started fighting back.”

 

“Very well,” Stefano replies, “then it seems that is our goal for the moment.  If he does need you to reach Beacon intact, then hopefully it will be an uneventful journey.”

 

“Let’s hope so,” Sebastian replies, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and easing onto his feet.  He’s a little sore, but his legs support him, and he is able to stand without too much trouble.  Stefano stands beside him, looking at him with an expression of concern.

 

“Are you alright?” Stefano asks.  “Are you sure you don’t need to rest for a bit longer?”

 

Sebastian cracks a smile.  “Are you trying to get me back in bed?” he asks.  “No seriously, I’m fine.  The sooner we get going, the sooner we can get out of here.”

 

Stefano smiles back.  “It was worth a try,” he says as he begins to button up his shirt and rearrange his clothing.

 

Sebastian takes the journal, which is fortunately small enough to fit into his back pocket, and tucks it away there.  He still isn’t sure what Ruvik wants with it, but if it’s important to Ruvik, then he at least wants to be able to control it for the time being.  He turns around to see if there is anything else useful in the room when his eyes fall on something he is shocked he didn’t notice before.

 

“Holy shit,” he breathes.  Riker’s body is lying near the door.  Now that he can see it, the odor of blood in the room makes a lot more sense, though Sebastian had just assumed that the smell of blood was in his nose since it had been all over his face not too long ago.

 

Sebastian steps around the bed and approaches slowly, though it is obvious that Riker isn’t getting back up anytime soon… or ever.  Riker’s T-shirt is split open, as is his chest, and Sebastian can see the mess of blood, ruptured organs, and splintered bone.  It should turn his stomach, but once again, this is Riker, and Sebastian is more fascinated by the fact that he apparently did this than disgusted by the savage nature of the act.

 

He hears Stefano’s footsteps approaching from behind him, and he turns to look at Stefano, because he isn’t sure exactly how to behave in this situation.  He couldn’t be happier that Riker is dead, but he doesn’t think it’s appropriate to express that to Stefano.  Even knowing everything that happened between them, it seems likely that Riker still means something to him.

 

But Stefano only stares impassively down at Riker’s body, and Sebastian looks back down as well.  Sebastian hasn’t seen Riker’s chest until now, but it is as heavily tattooed as the rest of him.  One mark in particular catches his eye.  On the left side of Riker’s chest, partially obscured by the damage to his body, is a name- Ricardo.

 

“Who’s Ricardo?” Sebastian finds himself asking, because Riker doesn’t really seem like the kind of guy to have another man’s name tattooed on his body without a really good reason.  Is Ricardo a former lover or a family member?  Or does the name have some other meaning?

 

“I do not know,” Stefano replies.  “I have never seen that before.  He never undressed any more than necessary when he was with me.”

 

Sebastian nods, tucking this piece of information away in the back of his mind.  He doesn’t have any great interest in learning more about Riker, but it’s possible this is someone else connected to Slade’s operation.  “Are you ready to go?” he asks Stefano.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  “Unfortunately we have used up all of the syringes, so we’ll need to be careful.”

 

“Noted,” Sebastian says.  “We’ll keep our eyes out for them and for ammo.  My gun’s been empty since we fought that safe-headed thing.”

 

They edge their way around Riker and the pool of blood that surrounds him.  Sebastian’s hand reaches for the doorknob, and he is filled with apprehension about what is going to be waiting for them outside, about how far they are going to have to travel to reach Beacon this time, but as soon as his hand touches the knob, all of those fears dissipate.  He knows this house.  He has been here before, and he knows how to get out.  Once they get out of the house, they’ll have to find their way to Beacon, but even that seems like a reasonable task at the moment.

 

Embracing his newfound confidence, he turns the knob and steps out into the hall with Stefano right behind him.

 

 

 


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you feeling well?” Stefano asks. His voice sounds tense, strained, and Sebastian stops and turns to face him.
> 
> “Yeah,” he answers, “I feel really good actually.” He does feel better than he has in a while. He feels strong and capable, and if he can just get up to the STEM terminal then he can do what he’s been striving to for so long… or at least for however long he’s been in STEM. Stefano’s concern for him is touching, but it is an unnecessary distraction at the moment, one that is keeping him from his goal.
> 
> Stefano’s brow is furrowed in concern. “There’s something different about you,” he insists.

 

 

When Sebastian steps into the hallway outside of Ruben’s bedroom, he is not expecting to immediately come face to face with one of the strange, barbed-wire covered things they saw before in the village.  It is patrolling up and down the hall with an axe in its hand, and Sebastian steps directly into its path, so that the two of them almost collide.

 

Sebastian’s heart leaps into his throat, because he is out of ammunition, and he doesn’t know if Stefano is in any condition to use his knife or his camera right now, but the creature- it doesn’t seem quite right to call it a man, even though it is basically human shaped- seems almost as surprised to see them as they are to see it.  It springs backward, the expression on its half-destroyed face almost comical, before it turns and shuffles rapidly in the other direction.

 

“What the hell?” Sebastian mutters, though of course he is not going to complain about a fight they’ve somehow managed to avoid.  Stefano is close enough behind him that he must have seen the whole thing, and Sebastian turns to him in disbelief.  “Why is that thing running from us?”

 

“I have no idea,” Stefano replies thoughtfully as he gazes after the creature’s retreating form.  “Unless perhaps you did something that disrupted Ruvik’s power?  Perhaps you’ve diminished their strength somehow.”

 

“I don’t know about that,” Sebastian says.  He starts to walk down the hallway toward the library with Stefano keeping pace beside him.  “I’m not even sure what their relationship to Ruvik is.  Jimenez kind of implied that they’re echoes of the people who died in STEM, and I guess Ruvik could probably control them if he wanted to, but all the ones we’ve seen have just been generally hostile.”

 

Sebastian pauses, because he is remembering something else Jimenez said, something about Stefano.  It seems like that conversation happened so long ago, but Jimenez had said that if Stefano died in the real world, if his injuries were too severe, then his consciousness in STEM would start to become corrupted as well, maybe even dangerous to Sebastian.  And Stefano was right behind him when that creature turned and ran.  He doesn’t actually want to consider the implications of that, but his mind lurches forward anyway.  What if Stefano is changing, has changed enough that the other creatures here perceive him as a threat?

 

He stops and turns to face Stefano.  “How are you feeling?” he asks.  His hands come to rest on Stefano’s shoulders, even though Stefano, by all outward appearances, is perfectly fine.

 

Stefano laughs, and it feels relaxed and genuine.  “I am never going to object to your hands on me,” he says, “but I am quite alright.  I am feeling stronger now than I have since we arrived in STEM, though after three syringes that should not be a surprise.”

 

Sebastian stares hard at him, peering into his face as though he may somehow be able to tell who he is talking to, if this is the real Stefano who is tied to a physical body back at Beacon or if it is just an echo of Stefano, just one more collection of thoughts and memories floating in the void that is STEM.  Stefano looks as he always does, though he seems to derive some amusement from how seriously Sebastian is scrutinizing his face.

 

Sebastian isn’t sure whether Stefano feeling better means his physical body is recovering or that his consciousness is no longer attached to it, but with no way to confirm either theory, the only option they have is to press on.  The sooner they can get to Beacon and determine how to get out of STEM, the sooner they can have even a chance of saving Stefano.

 

Of course, some outside help would go a long way, but Sebastian doesn’t think that’s very likely.  He doesn’t know how long they’ve been in here, or whether time passes in STEM at all.  The worst part is, Sebastian has almost guaranteed that no one will come looking for him until it is much too late.  He has no family left, he is on leave from his job, and nobody knows that he is investigating Slade.  It’s possible that Joseph will wonder where he is, but he’s been lying to Joseph about what he’s been doing, so Joseph wouldn’t even know where to start looking for him.

 

All this means that they can’t rely on any rescue.  They’re going to have to make their escape from the inside.  Sebastian wishes for a moment that he still had some of Ruvik’s insight in his mind, because if anyone has a plan to get out of STEM, it’s Ruvik.  He’s going to have to pay more attention if Ruvik tries to infiltrate his brain again, try to remember more.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says, jolting him out of his thoughts.  “What is on your mind?  I know you haven’t become spellbound by my good looks.”  He gestures at his face with a little, self-deprecating laugh.

 

“Stefano, don’t-” Sebastian says, because he absolutely hates it when Stefano talks about himself like this.

 

“You do not have to make me feel better,” Stefano shoots back.  “I know what I am, why Riker reminded me every day that all I have to offer is my body, why my clients preferred to take me from behind.”

 

“Shut up!” Sebastian snaps, lunging for Stefano, who tries to spring backward but only succeeds in pinning himself against the wall.  Sebastian straightens up, steps in until they are almost nose to nose, and reaches for Stefano’s hair.  He moves his hand in a wide enough arc that Stefano will be able to see it with his good eye, because he doesn’t want to upset him any more than he already has.  He gently brushes the hair back from Stefano’s face and tucks it behind his ear.

 

Looking at Stefano’s face like this, the intricate pattern of scars around his eye socket, reminds Sebastian of the first time he took a hit at Slade’s and the way he became lost in the ridges and valleys of Stefano’s face.  He is almost overcome with the urge to trace them again, but that is not what he set out to do this time.  He is breathing hard, and his chest is tight with anger, but it’s anger at Riker and Slade and their stupid clients, not at Stefano, so he makes a conscious effort to keep his voice soft and his tone gentle.

 

“Do you know what I see when I look at your face?” he asks.

 

Stefano shakes his head ‘no’, but his gaze drops to the floor, as though he can’t bear to meet Sebastian’s eyes anymore.

 

“I see a man who has endured things that most people can’t even imagine, who can still hold his head high.  That first night I met you, even when you were strung-out on cocaine and probably scared to death, what I really remembered about you was your confidence and your strength.  And everything else I’ve learned since then only confirms that.”  Sebastian hesitates for a moment, because what he learned about Stefano and Emily Lewis is an exception to this, and he’s not really sure how that plays into everything yet, but now Stefano is speaking.

 

“I was…” Stefano says.  Sebastian opens his mouth to ask him to elaborate, because he isn’t sure exactly what Stefano is responding to, but Stefano continues, “I was… afraid the first night we met.  I have been arrested before, and not all of the detectives are as kind or as professional as you were, and of course I knew Slade would be angry as well.  He liked the money we brought back from street work, but he was always threatening us with what would happen if we were arrested.”

 

Sebastian nods.  He knows that KCPD has its share of assholes in uniform alongside the people who joined the police force for the right reasons, and the fact that an undetermined number of them are actually working for Slade makes Sebastian even less confident that they are treating their arrestees humanely.  He wants to get back to the original point he was trying to make though.  “But even after all of that, you are your own man, and you have so much to offer.”  He swallows hard.  “If we… if we make it out of here, I’d like to see more of you.”

 

Stefano raises his eye to meet Sebastian’s again, and a smile is spreading across his face before Sebastian leans in to kiss him, hands gently cupping his face.  Stefano’s mouth is soft and pliant under his, and Stefano’s arms are wrapped around his shoulders, and Sebastian would like to do this a whole lot more except that they need to get to Beacon.  They need to get to Beacon and to the STEM terminal and out of STEM.  He pulls back from the kiss reluctantly, but the smile on Stefano’s face makes everything worth it.

 

“We should probably get going,” Sebastian says, nodding toward the library.

 

“Right,” Stefano replies as his eye comes back into focus and he steps away from the wall to continue down the hallway with Sebastian.

 

There is one other thing that is still nagging at Sebastian’s mind as they enter the library.  Three syringes in one place would be very unusual even for what they’ve seen so far in STEM, and they appeared at a time when Stefano needed them badly, when Stefano probably wouldn’t have survived without them.  He remembers what Jimenez said about all of the minds linked to STEM contributing something, wonders if he or Stefano have enough power to actually generate items in here, whether Stefano could have created those syringes in a moment of desperation or whether Sebastian could have done it himself, as determined as he was to save Stefano.  Like many of the rules in STEM, it’s a mystery for the moment, but Sebastian wishes he had a better idea of how it works, because they desperately need both syringes and ammo.  Even though he takes some comfort in knowing that Stefano has the camera and knife at his disposal, he still feels like they are about one fight away from getting torn to shreds in their current condition.

 

They pass through the library and come out into the main hall on the second floor.  There are a few more of the barbed wire covered creatures scattered through the hall, but once again, they take one look at Sebastian and Stefano and start moving away.  It’s unsettling, but at least it means they don’t have to try to figure out how to fight them off.  They descend the stairs and reach the ground floor.  Sebastian conducts a quick visual scan for supplies, but doesn’t see anything at the moment.  He is just about to head for the main door when he suddenly remembers the other door, the one that he unlocked with the puzzles the last time he was here.  He never did actually get to see what was behind that door thanks to Ruvik’s interference, and maybe this is the time to figure out what’s in there.

 

The door is now closed, and appears to be locked again, which does give Sebastian some pause.  Each time they have entered a combination into these two dials, whether the safe was mounted on the door or on the monster’s shoulders, they have had to face a traumatic episode from someone’s past, and Sebastian isn’t sure he wants to do that again… unless of course, there is a memory or an episode that will help them get closer to their goal, closer to Beacon.

 

Sebastian casts about in his mind for any important dates he has learned since he arrived in STEM, anything that might be somehow linked to Ruvik or to Beacon.  He comes up empty, but he does remember the journal in his pocket, and he pulls it out and begins to thumb through it again.  It’s his third time reading it, and much like the last two times, nothing jumps out at him immediately.  He flips to the last entry and reads it more carefully, wondering if it holds any clues to when Ruben might have started working on STEM or when Ruben might have become part of STEM.

 

Even though there is nothing said on the page about Mobius or Jimenez or STEM, Sebastian does pick up on the word ‘Beacon’ in this entry, and when he reads that sentence more closely, he can see that Ruben is talking about going to Beacon the next day to straighten out a situation.  There are no details about the ‘situation’ as Ruben calls it, but the writing is cramped and sharp, and the tone of the words is angry, so Sebastian is willing to bet that Ruben wasn’t happy when he wrote this.  He wonders if this confrontation Ruben was planning was over ownership of the STEM system, and whether the next day was the one on which Ruben became part of the system permanently.  Of course there’s only one way to find out.

 

The last entry in the journal is dated March 15, 2011, and Sebastian is momentarily struck by the fact that Ruben’s brain and by extension, Ruvik, has been part of the STEM system for over three years.  Sebastian already feels like he’s losing it after what could be as little as a few hours, so he can only imagine how distorted Ruvik has become after so much time away from the real world, trapped inside his own head.

 

Stefano has already moved over to the heavy door under the stairs and is considering the dials on the lock.  “Do you know the combination?” he asks, looking hopeful.  “Because I have no intention of putting my own in again.”

 

Sebastian gives him a sympathetic smile.  “I don’t blame you,” he says.  “I’m not eager to use mine either.  I’m not sure about this, but I do have an idea.  Try three on the top and sixteen on the bottom.”

 

Stefano works the dials, and with a lot of metallic whirring and clunking, the locking mechanism disengages, allowing Stefano to push the door open.  Sebastian tucks the journal back into his pocket and hurries over to Stefano, because he doesn’t want them to be separated again, especially when they are so close to what must be one of Ruvik’s worst memories.

 

“Stay close, alright?” he says as he draws level with Stefano.  “I don’t want to lose you again.”

 

Stefano nods, and they step forward into the long, dark hallway beyond the door.  They’ve only gone a few steps when there is a pulse of blue light and energy similar to the ones Sebastian has seen before.  It makes every hair on his body stand on end, and he goes tense, about to jump back from it until he realizes that this time the pulse of light is moving away from him and down the hall in front of them.

 

The next two pulses are the same, traveling down the hall and disappearing into the distance.  Sebastian and Stefano cautiously begin walking again, though Sebastian is wondering what is going on, and when Ruvik is going to appear, and why they aren’t at Beacon yet, because surely they should be at Beacon now if his theory is correct.

 

No sooner has Sebastian had this thought, then there is another pulse of light and the hallway ahead of them is changing, morphing into another one that Sebastian has seen before- into one of the hallways of Beacon.  It feels like hours since they’ve been here, and Sebastian almost feels foolish, because they started their journey in STEM at Beacon, and they’ve had to endure so much just to get back here.  But what’s done is done, and now there is nothing left but to get to the STEM terminal and then hopefully out of STEM somehow.

 

Sebastian turns to Stefano, who looks mildly surprised at their change in surroundings, though after so much time in this disjointed world, it’s probably unreasonable to expect a bigger reaction than that.  “Do you know how to get back upstairs?”

 

Stefano frowns, looking up and down the hallway.

 

“Wait a minute,” Sebastian says, because he knows how to get back upstairs.  He’s been here before, and they need to go up in the elevator at the end of this hallway.  After that, it should be a straight shot to the STEM room.  He points straight ahead of them.  “It’s this way.”

 

“I believe you are correct,” Stefano says.  “At least, that is where I have seen them take the test subjects before.”

 

“Alright, that’s where we’re going then,” Sebastian says, starting down the hallway with Stefano trailing behind him.

 

“Are you feeling well?” Stefano asks.  His voice sounds tense, strained, and Sebastian stops and turns to face him.

 

“Yeah,” he answers, “I feel really good actually.”  He does feel better than he has in a while.  He feels strong and capable, and if he can just get up to the STEM terminal then he can do what he’s been striving to for so long… or at least for however long he’s been in STEM.  Stefano’s concern for him is touching, but it is an unnecessary distraction at the moment, one that is keeping him from his goal.

 

Stefano’s brow is furrowed in concern.  “There’s something different about you,” he insists.

 

“Look,” Sebastian says, reaching out to clasp Stefano’s shoulders, “I don’t know what you’re-”

 

The instant his hands make contact, Stefano leaps backward, eye wide.

 

“What?  What’s wrong?”  Sebastian says, alarmed.  Stefano has never reacted to his touch like this, and the look in his eye is fear, almost like what Sebastian has seen before at Slade’s.

 

Stefano’s hands are raised in front of him defensively, but he holds his position just out of Sebastian’s reach.  He takes a few deep breaths before answering.  “Your hands are cold… so cold.”

 

Sebastian brings his hands together, but he can’t feel anything unusual about them.  “No they’re not,” he snaps, a surge of frustration racing though him.  They should be upstairs.  They should be getting out of STEM.  Stefano is wasting precious time, and if he wants to stand around in the hallway debating the temperature of people’s hands, then Sebastian is going on without him.  “Look, I don’t know what your plan is, but I’m getting out of here, with or without you!”

 

He turns on his heel and has taken a few quick, angry strides down the hall when the full impact of his own words sinks in, and he stops, shoulders slumping as all of the anger rushes out of him.  Even though the words came out of his mouth, they weren’t his words and those thoughts weren’t his thoughts, and he can’t believe he just threatened to leave Stefano in STEM.  He turns slowly, afraid of what he is going to see, but Stefano is standing where he left him, staring after him in shock.

 

“Stefano,” he begins, taking a step in Stefano’s direction, but Stefano is already backing up.

 

“Stefano, I’m sorry.  I didn’t-”

 

“Is _he_ still in you?” calls Stefano, who is staring at him intently but still appears to be trying to keep his distance.

 

“What?” Sebastian yells back.  It takes him a moment to process who Stefano is talking about, but that can’t be happening again.  Sebastian may have had a momentary explosion of temper, but he is still himself.  “No!  No, it’s just this place.  It’s STEM getting to me- I’m sorry!”

 

He takes a few more steps in, but Stefano is still backing up, and his voice is shaking now.  “Don’t come any closer!”

 

Sebastian raises his hands in an attempt to placate Stefano.  Clearly he is in the throes of some kind of STEM-induced hallucination, and if he takes off running they are going to get separated or worse.  “It’s okay, Stefano,” he says, trying to adopt the same tone he had when he and Stefano were talking about Emily.  “It’s okay.  I don’t know what you’re seeing right now, but it’s me, Sebastian, and I would never hurt you.”

 

He takes a few more steps toward Stefano, who is still staring him down with a wild eye.  At first he thinks he’s making some progress, but he can see the moment when it all goes to shit, the moment when every muscle in Stefano’s body goes tense.

 

“Don’t!” Sebastian yells, but Stefano is already in motion.  He turns on his heel and bolts down the hallway. 

 

“Shit!” Sebastian mutters.  He hesitates for split-second, because his normal response to a situation like this would be to let Stefano go and not spook him further by chasing after him, but based on what has happened each time they’ve been separated in STEM, that seems like a risky option.  Some part of him also wants to turn and go the other way, toward the elevator and the STEM terminal and freedom, but he shoves that urge down and breaks into a run.

 

Unfortunately, Stefano has a head start, and Sebastian is willing to admit that maybe years of drinking and smoking have left him with a body that is not made for running.  There is no way he’s going to catch up to Stefano unless something slows him down, and this hallway is long and straight and seems to stretch on forever.  He’s going to lose Stefano, and then who knows what will happen next.

 

The pulse of blue rushes down the hallway ahead of him, and it must have come from behind him, because all of his hairs are standing on end again.  It shoots past Stefano, and suddenly the hallway is ending, and a wall is springing up ahead of him.

 

Stefano skids to a halt, turning to look at Sebastian in a panic before he dashes through an open doorway to Sebastian’s right, slamming the door behind him.  Sebastian is at the door in a few more strides, grabbing the handle and giving it a push, but nothing happens.

 

“Stefano!” he calls out, shoving his shoulder against the door in increasingly frantic attempts to open it.  He can hear movement inside the room, but Stefano doesn’t answer him, and he backs up to get some space before giving the door a hard kick.  He’s kicked open a few doors in his time, but this one doesn’t even budge.  “Stefano!”  He pounds on the door with his fist.  “Stefano!  Open this door!”

 

He takes a step back, panting hard.  He’s out of breath and his hand and shoulder are hurting, and it’s starting to dawn on him that maybe yelling at the top of his lungs and pounding on the door is not the best way to reassure Stefano that he is himself and that he doesn’t mean him any harm.  He leans forward, bracing his hands on his knees and breathes deeply, trying to collect himself.

 

“Daddy?”

 

The small voice comes from his right, and it’s a voice he knows, a voice he hasn’t heard in years.  He straightens up immediately, whipping around to face her, and there she is- Lily.  She looks exactly like she did the last time Sebastian saw her, still in her pajamas, and seeing her like this stirs something in Sebastian’s memory.  Ruvik has created an illusion of Lily before, back at the first house where they sought shelter from the rain.

 

All the same, Lily is standing before him, and he hasn’t seen Lily in years, hasn’t been able to hold her or touch her or protect her the way that he wants to, the way that he wanted to on the night their house burned down.  He reaches out his hand.  “Lily,” he says, voice hoarse and raspy.

 

“Yes, Daddy, it’s me,” she giggles, extending her arm to take his hand.  Sebastian’s heart leaps because their hands are inches apart now and any second-

 

When Lily’s hand touches his, he feels pulled, drawn like a magnet, propelled by some unstoppable force, and he’s taken a few steps down the hall heading back the way he came before he even realizes what he is doing.  He stops- or he tries to stop, but his feet are moving without his brain directing them, and as he struggles, as he tries to plant his feet firmly on the floor, his head is starting to ache again.

 

“Daddy, please,” Lily says, and when Sebastian looks down at her, she is still clasping his hand and there are tears shining in her eyes.  “Please, we have to go.”

 

But Sebastian doesn’t want to go, not without Stefano, and when he jerks his eyes up from Lily’s small form, he catches sight of his reflection in the glass, and he is alone.  It’s an illusion.  It has to be.  As much as he may not want to believe it, Lily is dead, and she’s not here in STEM and she’s not out in the real world, and this vision of her is only here to distract him, to keep him from finding Stefano.

 

With a tremendous effort, he grits his teeth and digs his heels into the floor and starts trying to pivot in place to face the room where Stefano disappeared.  Instantly the pain in his head flares up, and it is intense, like a burst of electricity inside his brain, but he ignores it.  He is in STEM, and the pain is only in his mind, and he has to fight through it to get to Stefano.

 

He completes his turn and starts to struggle back down the hall.  His vision is going dark around the edges, and his legs move clumsily, but he is still going the direction he wants to go.  The pain is ricocheting around inside his head like captured lightning, and the static sound is coming back too, but he doesn’t stop.  He is outside the door now, though he knows that he can’t break it down with his body.

 

The pain and the scream of the static are rising up inside him, but he needs this door to be open, knows that if he wants it to be open, he can make it so.  He concentrates hard, tuning out the pain and the static and Lily’s voice calling for him, and just focuses on the door, on the locking mechanism of the door, on the metal bolt that is holding the door closed.  All it would take is to slide that bolt back into the door, and he can see it happening, can visualize exactly what it would be like.

 

There is a click and the door swings open in front of him.  The room beyond is innocuous.  In fact, it looks a lot like the room where Sebastian found Stefano when he first entered the STEM system, before he even knew what the STEM system was.  The bed is empty, but the machines around it seem to be up and running and emitting the same strange blue light.

 

“Stefano?” Sebastian calls out, trying to keep his voice soft and friendly, because he has no doubt that Stefano is already terrified of him.  He doesn’t fully understand what’s going on, but he knows that he would never hurt Stefano, and it’s frustrating that Stefano doesn’t seem to be able to grasp that.  If they can’t trust each other in here, then they really don’t have much hope of making a successful escape.

 

There is no answer, and Sebastian can’t see very well, so he steps over the threshold into the room.  The instant his foot hits the floor on the other side of the doorway, every machine cuts off and the room goes dark and silent.  “What the hell?” Sebastian mutters, fumbling for his flashlight.  He turns it on, scanning the room, but it doesn’t look like anything else has changed.

 

“Stefano?” Sebastian steps further into the room and crouches to look under the bed.  He can’t put his finger on it, but there is something unsettling about being in here.  His skin is crawling, the air is heavy, and the room is empty and still, almost as though he shouldn’t be here.  Maybe no one should be here.

 

Stefano certainly isn’t here, because Sebastian has checked all of the hiding places that could conceal a man, and he is nowhere to be found.  Unlike the last time he was in this room, there is no second door, and he is contemplating the wall where the door used to be and wondering what the hell he’s going to do next when he hears a soft footstep behind him.  He whirls around to face the door.  Stefano is standing there in the beam of his flashlight, holding onto the doorframe with one hand.

 

“Sebastian,” he says.  “Where have you been?”

 

“What?” Sebastian asks, reeling with the surprise of Stefano’s sudden appearance from an unexpected direction.  He turns off the flashlight, because he’s sure Stefano doesn’t want it shining in his eye, and tucks it away in his pocket.  “I was looking for you.  I… you’re not afraid of me anymore?”

 

“Of course not,” Stefano says with a dismissive wave of his hand.  “You startled me for a moment back there, but I’m in control now.”

 

“Oh…” Sebastian says, because with how utterly terrified Stefano looked before, his explanation doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.  “And you’re okay?”  He wants to step forward, to reach for Stefano and put hands on him and make sure that he is alright, but considering what happened the last time he tried to touch Stefano, he isn’t sure that’s a good idea.

 

“Yes, I am quite well,” Stefano replies.  “No need to worry about me.”

 

Sebastian takes one last scan around the room, because something still feels very off about it, but now it just looks like an ordinary empty hospital room.

 

Stefano takes a step back into the hallway.  “Weren’t you in a hurry to get somewhere?” he asks.

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian says absently as he takes one more hard look at the empty bed.  It holds no information for him, and he turns away, collecting his thoughts.  “We need to get upstairs to the STEM terminal.”

 

He exits the room and starts down the hallway with Stefano close behind him.  They are already halfway down the hall when the door to that room slams shut behind them.

 

 

 


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you think Jimenez will be there when we get to the STEM terminal?” he asks. “He was there the last two times I saw it. Do you think he’ll try to stop us?”
> 
> Stefano’s mouth turns up in a smile, but it’s a cruel smile, one that Sebastian hasn’t seen on his face before. “I hope he does,” Stefano says, voice cold and dropping lower as he adds. “I wouldn’t mind extracting my pound of flesh, after everything he’s done to me.”

 

 

Sebastian jumps, turning to look behind him when the door slams, but it doesn’t seem to bother Stefano, so Sebastian hurries to catch up with him.  In fact, Stefano seems remarkably collected now after being so expressive in his fear just a few minutes ago.  Though of course, this is Stefano, and Stefano is used to shrugging off all of the ‘unpleasant’ things that happen to him in order to ensure his continued survival, an approach that doesn’t sit well with Sebastian.  Even if Stefano is used to people ignoring his needs, Sebastian doesn’t want to be one more in a long line of men who have treated him poorly.

 

“Hey, Stefano,” he says, slowing to a halt.  Stefano turns to face him, his visible eyebrow raised in a questioning look.  “I’m really sorry about what happened before.  I-”

 

“It’s forgotten Sebastian,” Stefano replies, words coming quickly with an undertone of irritation.  “It doesn’t matter.”

 

“It matters to me,” Sebastian says.  Then after a pause, “You matter to me.”

 

“That’s very kind of you,” Stefano replies with a slight smile, “but truly, none of this is going to matter if we are trapped in STEM forever.”

 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Sebastian agrees somewhat reluctantly.  He feels like there is more he should say, like there is something else he needs Stefano to understand, but Stefano is already turning to continue down the hallway, and Sebastian follows after him.

 

A few moments later, they come upon a metal door on the opposite side of the hallway from the patient rooms.  This one seems to lead outside, and Stefano grabs the handle and pulls it open.  “This way,” he says.  “We can reach the elevator faster if we cut across the courtyard.”

 

Sebastian is about to protest that the last time they tried to cut across the courtyard, it was a vast space that stretched off into nothingness, that led them far away from Beacon, but this time he can actually see the building Stefano must be referring to.  It rises many stories high over the courtyard, taller than anything he remembers seeing in the architecture of Beacon in the real world.  Heartened by the fact that they now have a clear destination, he steps out the door and onto the paved walkway.

 

Everything is still as overgrown and wild as the last time, and there is a light rain falling as he and Stefano begin the walk across the courtyard.  Sebastian glances over at his companion, because there is still something bothering him.

 

“Do you think Jimenez will be there when we get to the STEM terminal?” he asks.  “He was there the last two times I saw it.  Do you think he’ll try to stop us?”

 

Stefano’s mouth turns up in a smile, but it’s a cruel smile, one that Sebastian hasn’t seen on his face before.  “I hope he does,” Stefano says, voice cold and dropping lower as he adds.  “I wouldn’t mind extracting my pound of flesh, after everything he’s done to me.”

 

Sebastian frowns because even though Stefano has plenty of reasons to hate Jimenez, plenty of reasons to wish for revenge on Jimenez, what he just said doesn’t sound like something Stefano would say, and Sebastian is starting to wonder if he’s being corrupted by STEM or whether this is even Stefano he’s talking to.  “I guess we’ll have to see when we get up there,” he says haltingly as his eyes search Stefano’s face, or as much of it as he can see from this angle, trying to determine what exactly is going on.

 

The rain is falling harder and faster now, and there is a bright flash of lightning overhead followed by a crash of thunder.  Sebastian immediately looks to Stefano, expecting to see the same fear in his eye that he has seen Stefano display so many times before during thunderstorms, a fear that Sebastian now realizes is almost certainly related to the trauma of Emily’s death and the last time Stefano saw her body.

 

But Stefano is still walking calmly beside him.  “He’ll be there,” he says.  “The STEM system is more important to him than anything else in the world.  He won’t leave it.”

 

In that moment, Sebastian knows that the man beside him is not Stefano.  He lunges, grabbing him by the upper arms as he snarls, “Who are you?”

 

‘Stefano’ smiles and raises a hand to caress the side of Sebastian’s face, the way a lover would.  Sebastian wants to knock his hand away, but he is rooted to the spot, almost the way he was when he was frozen by Stefano’s camera.  His hands are clasped around this man’s arms, and his eyes are locked onto his face.

 

“That’s easy, Seb,” purrs ‘Stefano’ as a chill runs up Sebastian’s spine.  He brushes Sebastian’s hair back from his face, and his touch is as cold as ice.  “I’m you…what you will become.”

 

Sebastian wants to shove this man away from him, wants to run, wants to scream at the top of his lungs, but his muscles and his vocal chords are so thoroughly paralyzed that he can do nothing.  His entire body feels heavy, and he is suddenly reminded of the drug that he took at Slade’s.  It would be easy to give in, to give in to Ruvik’s influence, because he is sure that is who he is dealing with now.  Even if the illusion of Stefano and the demonstration of power hadn’t convinced him, the echoed words from the old mirror in the basement of his house would have let him recognize Ruvik anywhere.

 

It would be easy to give in, as easy as it was to give in to Slade’s drugs, to alcohol and cigarettes and the mind-numbing pain of losing his wife and daughter.  It would be easy to let go, to drift here in the void of STEM forever, where nothing is real and nothing matters and it would be so god damn liberating if he just didn’t matter anymore.

 

But even if Sebastian himself doesn’t matter, there are people who matter to him- Joseph and Myra- wherever she is- and Kate Mellor and Doreen Page and every single one of Slade’s victims.  It hits him hard that if he fails then Slade and Mobius will claim more victims, and there will be more unexplained deaths, more missing persons, more lives cut short for this stupid science project.  If he fails then Stefano will die, if he isn’t already dead in the real world, and no one’s ever come through for Stefano before, and that makes Sebastian even more determined to be the one man who does.  He has given in before, but not this time.

 

He grits his teeth, clenches his muscles, and focuses all of his energy on throwing off this illusion, this invisible, unstoppable force that is holding him in place.  His head is exploding with pain again, but he ignores it, fights through it, struggles to take back his own brain and see the world around him for what it is, because he has to do this for Slade’s victims, for Krimson City, and for Stefano.  He can feel the tiniest stirring in his vocal chords, and if he can protect that, amplify it, then maybe he can break free.  He seizes onto it, putting all of his strength into his voice.

 

“No!” he shouts, staggering on his feet as the illusion shatters and the vision of Stefano vanishes in a flash of blue light.  “I’ll never be like you!” he shouts to the empty courtyard as the lightning flashes and the thunder echoes around him.  “I’ll never be you!”

 

He pauses to catch his breath, scanning the environment even though he is sure he is alone now.  Ruvik’s voice makes him jump.  “We’ll see about that.”

 

He whirls around, only to realize that the voice isn’t coming from behind him.  It’s coming from inside his own head.  The courtyard is wet and overgrown, and he is still alone… or at least, as alone as he can be here.

 

“Fuck you,” he growls back, and he swears that he can hear Ruvik chuckle, though it’s more of a low, threatening rumble than anything pleasant to hear.  He turns back toward the door he used to enter the courtyard, and he isn’t surprised to see that it is now missing.  He needs to get back to that hallway though, because now he is more certain than ever that he somehow left the real Stefano in that room with the machines.

 

Even if he can’t use the door, the courtyard is lined with windows, and he is just picking up a chunk of stone from one of the crumbling walls when Ruvik speaks again.  “You won’t find him in there,” he says.  “He’s not the way he was anymore.  His consciousness is slipping, and he is less aware of his surroundings.”

 

“Do you know where he is?” Sebastian asks, feeling a little silly for talking to himself.  Much as he wishes he didn’t have to engage Ruvik, Ruvik is the only one who has a good understanding of the inner workings of STEM, especially on a subjective level.  Whether Ruvik will tell him the truth or not is an entirely different matter.

 

“I can’t be sure at the moment,” Ruvik says.  “It’s harder to recognize him now.  He’s starting to blend in with the masses of other loose minds in here, drifting thoughts and wandering echoes of men.”

 

“Is he dead?” Sebastian asks.  “In the real world, I mean?”

 

“Only one way to tell for sure,” Ruvik replies.  “We have to get to the STEM room.  If there’s anything left of him, that’s where we’ll find it.”

 

Sebastian’s heart is sinking as he listens to Ruvik’s words, because it sounds like Ruvik is genuinely reflecting on the state of things in STEM.  He is starting to learn some of Ruvik’s tone and inflections, particularly the one Ruvik uses when he is trying to manipulate him, but this doesn’t seem to be one of those times.  Ruvik seems to be indifferent about Stefano, and somehow that makes his comments even more disturbing.

 

Sebastian isn’t sure that he can trust Ruvik for anything, and in fact, he doesn’t trust him at all, but he can’t think of where else to look for Stefano besides the rooms that he’s already been in and found empty.  He turns again to face the tall building at the end of the courtyard.

 

“Alright,” he says.  “Let’s go to the STEM room, but I’m not leaving with you, and I’m not leaving without Stefano.”

 

Ruvik is silent as Sebastian walks the length of the courtyard, climbs the stairs, and enters the building.  He recognizes where he is now as the hallway outside Jimenez’s office where he saw Jackson and Riker before all of this STEM business started.  He remembers how angry he was at Riker then and feels some small amount of satisfaction that at least if they do manage to get out of here somehow, they won’t have to worry about Riker anymore.

 

He continues through the lobby area to the door at the back and turns left.  He knows the way, though he can’t be sure whether it’s because he is retracting his steps from earlier or because Ruvik is inside his brain.  He tries not to dwell on the latter thought.  This is a temporary arrangement, and as soon as he gets back to Jimenez and the STEM terminal, as soon as he knows enough to get them out of STEM, he’s going to fight Ruvik off for good.  He’s resisted him before, and the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes that Ruvik may not have entirely thought this plan through.

 

He reaches the elevator, steps inside, and presses the button for the top floor, mind still working frantically.  Based on what Stefano said and what he overhead in Slade’s house, Sebastian believes he was chosen for this experiment because his mind was especially compatible with Ruvik’s, or at least that it could be made to be compatible with Ruvik’s.  Ruvik has been playing up these connections and similarities the entire time he has been in STEM in order to insert himself into Sebastian’s consciousness.  However, it stands to reason that someone whose mind has been primed to host Ruvik would also be in a unique position to attack him where it actually matters.

 

That’s as far as Sebastian gets into that line of thinking before he feels a stirring in the back of his mind, and he shuts out those thoughts.  He isn’t sure if Ruvik can literally read his mind or not, so he focuses his attention on safe subjects, Jimenez, the STEM terminal, and their eventual escape from STEM.

 

The elevator ride seems to go on forever, but finally the machine grinds to a halt.  The door slides back, and Sebastian steps out into the narrow, dark hallway that he remembers from before.  He also remembers having the lantern to light his way, then feels a twinge of guilt as he recalls that the last person who had the lantern was Stefano.  He takes out his flashlight, switches it on, and starts walking down the hall.

 

Sebastian follows the winding hallway just as he did before, though this time he is wondering why this particular hallway is so dark and cluttered as opposed to the more open ones on the lower floor.  Once again, he is seized by the concept of impossible space, because the length of this hallway, even with all of its twists and turns, far exceeds what could be contained in the tower that he saw rising up above the courtyard earlier.

 

He is just starting to wonder how long this hallway can possibly be when he hears a faint sound up ahead, a kind of scraping and scratching, and he realizes that he’s heard it before- the last time that he was in this part of Beacon.  That time he made a conscious decision not to go toward the source of the noise, but this time he is compelled to go in that direction, because that’s also the way back to the STEM room.  The noise gets louder as Sebastian continues down the hallway, though it is still far off and indistinct in a way, like his ears can’t quite focus in on the sound itself.

 

He is lost in thought about what this sound could be when suddenly Ruvik’s voice cuts in.  “Turn right.”

 

Sebastian jerks his head to the right and realizes that he has drawn level with a heavy metal door that must lead to the STEM room.  He hesitates, because even though all of his goals require him to go through that door, he is curious about this one unexplored hallway ahead of him.  He takes a step toward the scraping noise, but Ruvik interrupts.  “I don’t think you want to go down there.”

 

“Why not?” Sebastian asks, once again feeling a little silly for speaking out loud to someone who is inside his head.

 

“That’s the dissection room,” Ruvik replies simply.  His voice is cold and devoid of emotion, but Sebastian remembers enough of what Jimenez told him about Ruben’s ultimate fate to know why this room would exist here.  He also remembers enough to know that he probably doesn’t want to see what is down that hallway.

 

He turns to his right, grabs the door handle, and pulls.  He’s not sure he’s ready to see what’s in the STEM room either, and it still feels like Ruvik is tricking or trapping him somehow, but he can’t see any other choice.

 

The heavy door swings open, and Sebastian immediately recognizes the STEM machinery- the glass tower rising up in the center of the room, the tubs connected to it, and the various monitors and other devices placed around the room.  Sebastian’s first thought is to locate Stefano and attempt to determine whether he is still alive, but he isn’t close enough to see who is in any of the tubs yet.  He has only taken a few steps in that direction before Jimenez calls out to him.

 

“To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?  I see you so rarely outside your home.”

 

Sebastian stops in his tracks and turns slowly to face Jimenez, who is walking in his direction from one of the computer terminals.  The sight of him makes Sebastian’s heart beat faster, because here is the man who is responsible for most of his problems, the man who sold STEM to Mobius, who supported Slade, who hurt Stefano, and who enabled the kidnapping and murder of so many innocent people.  He can feel the heat, the anger rising up inside him, and he doesn’t know how much longer he can contain it.  The strangeness of Jimenez’s words is just sinking in when another voice sounds from behind him, and he realizes that Jimenez isn’t talking to him at all.

 

“You published my research in your name again,” says Ruvik… or Ruben.  Sebastian isn’t sure at this point, but his voice is very cold.  “Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”

 

Sebastian takes a step back, because even though he is sure this is some kind of vision, it feels weird to be standing right in the middle of it.  Ruvik approaches Jimenez at a rapid walk, pointing an accusatory finger in his face, but Jimenez doesn’t back down.

 

“And I have done you a favor,” answers Jimenez with the same patiently condescending tone he always has.  “You have no credentials.  You’d never appear in a reputable journal otherwise.”

 

Ruvik’s hand drops to his side, but his face holds its mask of self-righteous anger as Jimenez continues, “Nobody in the world knows you even exist.”

 

“Oh, but they will know,” Ruvik says, unfaltering in his confidence.  “I have surpassed you in every way you can imagine.”  He spreads his hands wide, then points a finger at Jimenez again.  “No matter.  I have what I need.  All that’s left is the procedure.”  He turns and walks a few steps away from Jimenez.

 

“Indeed,” Jimenez replies.  “That is why we are here.”  He throws his arms open, although Sebastian still can’t tell who ‘we’ is referring to.  Apparently Ruvik can’t either.

 

“We?” he says, turning around slowly.  No sooner has he spoken then three men in black suits materialize out of the air behind Jimenez, stepping up to stand in line with him.

 

Ruvik looks alarmed at this development, though his anger quickly overtakes his fear, at least as far as Sebastian can tell.  “You wouldn’t dare,” he says, defiance ringing through in every word.  “You couldn’t complete it without me.”

 

“Precisely,” Jimenez says with a cruel smile.  He steps backward, and the three men in suits begin to close in on Ruvik.  There is nothing overtly threatening about their behavior, but Sebastian still has a sinking feeling that he knows where this is going and what will happen next.  Ruvik does look genuinely afraid now and starts to back up, but two of the men grab his arms, and the vision vanishes before Sebastian’s eyes.  Or at least, Ruvik and the men in suits vanish, because Jimenez is still standing right in front of him with his infuriatingly smug face, and he has no right to look at anyone like that after the things he’s done.

 

But Jimenez will never admit that he’s done anything wrong.  He is the quintessential deceiver, the one who simpers and smiles and makes nice even as he lays the groundwork for his own agenda.  He knows it’s his own fault, knows that he was too wrapped up in his own research, in his own mind to see Jimenez for what he was, but that doesn’t change the fact that Jimenez deceived him, that Jimenez stabbed him in the back, stole his research and sold him out to Mobius.  This travesty, this empty shell of a life that he has now is all because of Jimenez, and he can’t look at that smug face or hear that condescending voice again.  He doesn’t have to.  He is finished with this world and everyone in it, and it’s all the more convenient that he can kill Jimenez now before he has a chance to escape back into the world.

 

He lets his rage burn hot, lets it flow through him, then channels it, focuses it into the palm of his hand, then into his fist, which he plunges into Jimenez’s chest.  Even as he does it, Sebastian knows that the rage he is feeling, the memories he is having, are not entirely his own.  He is angry at Jimenez, to be sure, but he takes no pleasure in the way Jimenez’s flesh and bone yield to his fist, in the way Jimenez’s organs are soft and pliant in his hand, in the way that blood flows freely from Jimenez’s mouth as Sebastian rips and tears and jerks his hand back out of Jimenez’s body, letting him slump to the floor.

 

Ruvik certainly takes pleasure in all of that though.  Sebastian can feel the other part of his mind, the part that Ruvik is controlling, soaring with elation at Jimenez’s death, but now that Ruvik is distracted, Sebastian has more control for a moment, and he bends down to Jimenez, who is still moving weakly and spitting up blood.  There is no time for niceties.  There may not even be time for his one question.  “How do we get out of STEM?” he asks.

 

Jimenez coughs.  “Just run the system…from this side…” he says, voice weak and shaking, as his muscles twitch and his eyes go out of focus.  “…think I set it up…”  Before he can finish his sentence, he goes still, slumping over entirely, and Sebastian knows he won’t be getting any more information out of him.

 

There is a loud beeping, like an alarm going off, closer to the center of the room, and Sebastian looks up to try to locate the source.  A red light is flashing over one of the STEM tubs, and Sebastian moves toward it instinctively.  He can still feel Ruvik inside his brain, feel Ruvik’s joy and anger and a tangle of other emotions that even Ruvik himself probably can’t separate from each other, but at least for the moment it’s keeping Ruvik busy.

 

When Sebastian reaches the tub with the flashing light, he can see Jimenez lying in the cloudy liquid there.  He isn’t moving or breathing that Sebastian can see, but Sebastian can’t remember whether the figures in the tubs were breathing the last time he saw them.  He scrutinizes Jimenez’s body for a few more moments before the flashing light goes out completely and the beeping stops.  Sebastian may not be a doctor or an expert on STEM, but it seems pretty clear that Jimenez is actually dead now.

 

To check his theory, he moves to the next tub, which is Riker’s, and the light is out on that one as well.  Jackson’s is also out, and Sebastian wonders what it was that killed him, wonders if Jackson had his own experience in STEM after they were separated, but that’s not a priority now, and he moves on to the next tub.  The light over his own tub is illuminated green, which is comforting.  He assumes that he would be able to tell if his mind had been permanently separated from his body, but after all of the strange things that have happened in STEM, he’s not so sure anymore.  Taking a deep breath, he starts toward the last tub, but after only two steps in that direction, his legs lock up, and he knows that Ruvik is back in control.

 

“Come on, Sebastian,” Ruvik says, his voice gruff inside Sebastian’s head.  “We don’t have time for this.  Besides, does it really matter whether he’s alive or not?”

 

“Yes, it fucking matters!” snaps Sebastian.  “I’m not going to leave him here.”

 

“Of course you’re not,” replies Ruvik in a horrible, mock-soothing tone.  “You’re not going to leave him here, because you’re not leaving here.”

 

“What?” Sebastian says, momentarily taken aback.  “I thought you needed me so you could leave here?”

 

“Your body,” Ruvik says calmly.  “I need your body in the real world and the representation of your body in STEM.  I don’t need your consciousness.  You could stay here with him forever.”

 

“No,” growls Sebastian.  He struggles to move his legs, but they are still rooted to the floor.  “That wouldn’t be me.  That wouldn’t be us.  I’ve seen what happens to the people who stay in here.”

 

“Yes,” replies Ruvik.  “People do change in here, but if you were the Core, you would have unlimited power.  You could make his life so good.  That’s what you want, isn’t it?”

 

Sebastian has to pause for a moment, because he hadn’t even thought about becoming the Core himself.  If Ruvik is leaving STEM though, then apparently someone else would have to become the Core in order to keep the system running.  And he does want to make Stefano’s life good, but as far as he is concerned, being trapped in STEM isn’t any kind of life at all.  He would be heartbroken to have to leave Stefano here, to never see him again, but he would be lying to himself and to Stefano if he resigned them to a life in STEM.

 

“What kind of life will he have out there anyway?” Ruvik continues.  “Even if he survives, which is unlikely because he arrived at Beacon with catastrophic internal bleeding that still has not been treated, he’s outlived his usefulness to everyone.  You would be doing him a kindness to let him stay here, where he won’t be suffering, where he can exert some control over his own life.  You’re a good man with a lot of empathy- that’s why I chose you for my own purpose- but you can’t fix him.  He’s too damaged.”

 

“Shut up!” snarls Sebastian as he manages to tear his foot away from the floor and take one more step toward Stefano’s tub.  “Just shut the hell up!  You don’t know him, and you sure as hell don’t know me if you think I’m going to let you win!”  He tries to raise his other foot, but it might as well be nailed down.

 

“Oh, Sebastian,” Ruvik says almost regretfully.  “I had hoped you would come quietly, that you would see how this can benefit you, but now I can see that you will not be persuaded.”

 

Sebastian feels his muscles working without his conscious control, struggles against his own body as his head and torso turn so that he is looking over his shoulder at his own body in the tub behind him.  He doesn’t want to look, especially when Ruvik appears next to the tub, holding a syringe.

 

“Of course, there is a way to secure your cooperation even if you won’t willingly give it.  I’m sure Jimenez has told you about what happened to Ruben Victoriano.”  The way Ruvik says the name is impassive, as though he is speaking of a stranger.  “I don’t need your permission to separate your mind from your body permanently.  I don’t need anyone’s permission to do anything in STEM.”  His voice gets even lower and gruffer for a moment.  “I created this world.  You cannot keep me here.”

 

Sebastian renews his struggles, or at least, he desperately wants to struggle, to move at all, but his body is completely locked up and unresponsive to the frantic impulses his brain is sending.  He needs to run, to fight, to move in any way, but he is completely frozen in place and at Ruvik’s mercy.

 

“You’ve heard of Tubocurarine I trust,” Ruvik says.  “I’m sure you were sharp enough to have Slade’s drugs analyzed.  It’s the one I always preferred to use on my test subjects, but it can have some nasty side effects if the subject’s tolerance is not established first.”  That cold feeling is creeping back into Sebastian’s stomach, but he can’t take his eyes off Ruvik as he continues, “That’s the reason it appears in Slade’s cocktail in a less-concentrated form- to prepare the body for a larger dose, should it be needed.”

 

“Ruvik,” Sebastian says, a note of warning in his voice even though he is already effectively paralyzed and he has no idea what he is going to do about this.  Ruvik pays him no mind, plunging the needle into the arm of Sebastian’s unconscious body in the tub.  Within seconds, Sebastian’s arms and legs start to feel heavy, and he collapses to the floor.

 

Ruvik’s voice is back inside his head.  “That’s better,” he says.  “Now, let’s get started.”

 

Sebastian is fully aware, but he can’t speak or move his body at all.  His limbs still feel heavy, like they are not his own, and he watches from inside his head as his body stands up and walks back to the heavy metal door.  He watches his hand reach out and pull the door open, watches his legs carry him across the threshold, turn to the right, and start down the hallway.  There is no noise coming from down there anymore, but the cold feeling is back in his stomach, and every fiber of his being is screaming at him not to go.  His legs carry him forward anyway.

 

 

 


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruvik circles around behind him, and he hears the clink of metal on metal as Ruvik adjusts the head restraint to tip his head forward a little. “Mobius used my own technology, my own research to create the STEM system with my brain as the Core,” Ruvik begins. “But they didn’t consider that the subjective experience of consciousness and the physical brain are not one and the same. They are linked, to be sure, but they can be separated. STEM is proof enough of that.”

 

 

The dissection room doesn’t look anything like Sebastian expected, and for a moment, that catches him off-guard so much that he stops struggling against his own body and simply tries to take in what he is seeing.

 

He had expected a surgical environment, all gleaming metal and sterilized instruments and doctors in drapes and masks, but of course he is in STEM- in Ruvik’s mind in fact- and the reality is very different.  The room is small, only a little bigger than Stefano’s bedroom at Slade’s house, and it is illuminated by a single hanging lamp.  The corners are plunged into such deep shadow that Sebastian can’t even tell what lies there.  This room would be more at home in a 19th century insane asylum than any modern hospital, and maybe that’s exactly what Ruvik had in mind when he dreamed it up.

 

There is a counter running along one side of the room, though it’s too dark for Sebastian to see what, if anything, is on it, and the only piece of furniture visible to him is a chair in the center of the room.  It is metal and also looks very old, with restraints on the arms and legs and what Sebastian can only imagine is a head restraint attached to a metal arm above the chair.  The sight of it spurs him to action, and he renews his struggles, though perhaps ‘struggles’ isn’t the right word.

 

He desperately wants to move, to call out, to do anything, but he is trapped inside this body that is steadily moving forward, approaching the chair one step at a time.  His mind is as sharp as ever, and he knows that he doesn’t want to be there, knows that he has to escape somehow, but he can’t so much as blink or turn his head.  He can only watch as his legs take him up to the chair and turn him around to sit down in it.

 

Sitting still is a very strange feeling, because he is utterly terrified, sure that what is going to come next will be some sort of science-fiction horror scenario, and yet his body utterly refuses to display any of the physiological symptoms of fear.  His heart is beating slowly and steadily, and his breaths are deep and even.  His chest does feel weighed down, as though he has a heavy blanket or garment on him, and he remembers Slade and Jimenez talking about him getting too deep under the drug, wonders if this will suffocate him if it goes on too long.

 

“Oh, is this our patient?” a female voice says from behind him, and if Sebastian had any control over his muscles, he would be jumping up in surprise, because the room appeared to be empty when he came in.  He hears footsteps then, the click of heels on the floor, and the woman circles around in front of him.  She is wearing a white dress with a red sweater over it, and an old-fashioned nurse’s hat.  Her face is framed by long brown hair, pulled back into a ponytail, and glasses.

 

“Let’s get you ready then,” she says, stepping in closer to the chair.  There is a slight smile on her face, and her voice is cheerful, but her eyes are cold, and her mannerisms are practiced, mechanical, as though she’s done this before.  Sebastian wonders how many times.

 

She secures his arms and legs in the restraints on the arms and legs of the chair and buckles a leather strap around his chest and shoulders.  Sebastian is wondering why all of this is necessary when he already can’t move a muscle, but then his whole body is relaxing, sagging into the restraints so that they are the only thing supporting him.  His head lolls forward, so that all he can see is the floor at his feet until someone grabs him by the hair with an ice-cold hand.

 

When his head is lifted up, it’s Ruvik’s face that he sees, and his scars and deformities are even more pronounced at this very close range.  “So it’s come to this, Seb,” he says.

 

Sebastian can’t move his head or eyes on his own, but he catches a glimpse of the nurse moving out of his line of sight, before Ruvik gives him a little shake.  “Just remember, I tried to give you another option, though I doubt that’s going to be any consolation in a few minutes.”

 

The nurse’s footsteps are returning, and it sounds like she is pushing something on wheels.  She stops just outside his peripheral vision, so he is unable to see what she is doing.  Ruvik releases his head so that it slumps forward again and steps backward, and the next thing Sebastian feels is a vibration at the base of his skull.  It moves up along his head, and it isn’t until the cool air hits his scalp that he realizes his hair is being shaved off.

 

“We probably don’t need to take so many precautions.  We are in STEM after all,” Ruvik says from somewhere in front of him.  “But we can’t be too careful.”

 

The nurse continues to work, moving the clippers methodically over Sebastian’s head as Ruvik continues.  “No need to worry though.  I’ve done this procedure dozens of times, maybe even hundreds.  I have it down to a science.”  Ruvik pauses, and Sebastian watches his own hair falling to the ground all around him.  “I won’t promise that you won’t feel a thing, but you won’t feel anything I don’t want you to.”

 

The nurse brushes away the last of Sebastian’s loose hair and switches to a razor.  It’s a strange feeling, having his scalp suddenly exposed, and he wants to shiver, but his body won’t even do that.  Ruvik is silent until she finishes, and then she is lifting Sebastian’s head and tilting it back, dropping some liquid into his eyes, which would normally cause him to flinch away, but of course he can’t.  Finally, she is lowering the head restraint down over him, tightening it so that his head is supported in the upright position, and he is just as helpless and unable to move as ever.

 

Ruvik circles around behind him, and he hears the clink of metal on metal as Ruvik adjusts the head restraint to tip his head forward a little.  “Mobius used my own technology, my own research to create the STEM system with my brain as the Core,” Ruvik begins.  “But they didn’t consider that the subjective experience of consciousness and the physical brain are not one and the same.  They are linked, to be sure, but they can be separated.  STEM is proof enough of that.”

 

Sebastian feels something touch the back of his head, wants to startle away, but he cannot move a muscle.  It doesn’t hurt, just feels a bit cold, and he catches a whiff of a familiar smell, one that brings a wave of nostalgia from when Lily used to do her art projects at the kitchen table.  It’s the smell of an uncapped marker, which Ruvik is apparently using to mark on his skin.

 

“Now, I must warn you that once your consciousness is loose in STEM, you will start to feel less like yourself,” Ruvik says.  “Without a brain to keep it anchored, your consciousness will be much more malleable.  You won’t be bound by the rules of physics and logic that you are accustomed to, but you will quickly lose your higher order thinking and give in to your baser instincts.  So if you have anything important that you’d like to accomplish, you’d better do it soon, while there is still something of yourself left.”

 

He hears a click, which he guesses is the cap being placed back on the marker, and then Ruvik is speaking again.  “This is going to be the worst part,” he warns.  “Once I get your scalp out of the way, there aren’t any more nerves to deal with.”

 

Once again, Sebastian is seized by the feeling of absolute panic, but without any of the corresponding physical effects.  Inside his head, he is screaming, but his muscles are relaxed, his heart and lungs are carrying on as usual, and somehow that is even more terrifying than if he could struggle.  The feeling only intensifies when the first sharp, stinging pain comes, because he can feel the knife being dragged across his scalp, neatly splitting the skin open, can feel the sharp, electric pain lighting up his nerve endings over and over again, but he can’t react to it at all.

 

His mind is racing, and he isn’t even thinking coherently about escape anymore, because it just hurts too much and he wants it to end.  By the time the cutting is over, the back of Sebastian’s head is throbbing, and he is trying not to imagine the blood, the open hole in his skin, the exposed bone.  Ruvik’s knife rasps along the back of his skull a few more times, the scraping sound eerily familiar and so close to his ears, and then something is being dropped on the metal table with a wet plop.

 

“There now,” Ruvik says.  “That wasn’t so bad.”  Sebastian begs to differ, but his mouth won’t let him voice his opinion.  “I have a vested interest in taking care of this body after all.  Even if this isn’t your physical body, the representation of the body in STEM is important.  Too much damage here can make the body nonviable back in the physical world,” he explains.  “Now, let’s take a look at that brain.  This part won’t hurt.”

 

Ruvik isn’t lying, because the next part doesn’t exactly hurt, but it is arguably worse than the cutting, because now Ruvik is piercing his skull with what Sebastian can only assume is some kind of drill.  The sound alone is horrifying, and brings back memories of being in the dentist’s chair.  The high-pitched whine assaults his ears as the vibrations rattle his brain inside his skull, or they would if his head wasn’t so tightly secured in the restraints.

 

Ruvik drills what feels like about a dozen holes before he sets the drill aside, and Sebastian is feeling cold and sick, because he has no idea what is going to happen next, but he is sure that it is going to be even worse.  His body remains infuriatingly unresponsive to all of his attempts to cry out or get up from this chair or do anything, and his ears are filled with more high pitched screeching and scraping.  There are even more vibrations running through his head as Ruvik continues to work on his skull with what must be some kind of saw.

 

This goes on for minutes on end, and the sound of it coming from inside his head is so potent, so familiar that he is sure this is what he was hearing when he passed this hallway on the way to the STEM room.  He is sure this is what he was hearing when he left the STEM room at the very beginning of this whole ordeal, and it chills him to his very core, because now he is wondering if all of this isn’t taking place at the same moment in time, if he is somehow standing outside the door to the STEM room right now, listening to this sound and deciding not to investigate, if he could have somehow saved himself if he’d made different choices.

 

It hurts his head to even think about it, and his head is already throbbing from all of the cutting and drilling and sawing.  He doesn’t even want to imagine what he probably looks like right now.  Finally, Ruvik pauses in his sawing, and there is some more scraping of metal against bone, and then Sebastian would be suppressing a shiver if his body was capable of shivering, because he can hear something being set down on the table again, and he is sure it can only be the piece of his skull that Ruvik just removed.

 

“That’s better,” Ruvik says.  “Now I’ll just need to map out a few areas to make sure there aren’t any mistakes.”

 

Ruvik continues to speak, to mutter to himself about the regions of the brain and how he needs to manipulate each of them, and at first Sebastian tries to follow what he’s talking about, but it’s getting more and more difficult.  Sebastian can’t feel anything physically, but it seems like his thoughts are moving more slowly.  Ruvik’s words are making less and less sense, and sometimes he is just making sounds that aren’t even words.

 

Sebastian tries to find something to focus on that still makes sense to him, and his eyes fall on the nurse, who is sitting in a rolling desk chair at the very edge of his field of vision.  She is filing her nails, and the gesture is so mundane that it does bring Sebastian a little comfort.  Myra would do the same thing sometimes when they were sitting on the couch at night, and it’s a calming, everyday activity that Sebastian finds himself getting lost in, until he spots a flash of movement outside the door.

 

There is a well-dressed man standing just outside the doorway, and he’s someone Sebastian knows, though Sebastian can’t remember his name at the moment.  He is peering into the room, and in his hands he has an object, a device of some sort that Sebastian has also seen before.  This man means something to Sebastian, and Sebastian wants to tell him something, but even if he was capable of speaking, he can’t even think of the right words to use.

 

It doesn’t seem like Ruvik or the nurse have seen the man yet, and even though part of Sebastian feels light, relieved at the sight of him, another part wishes he would turn and go.  But then his head is throbbing, and Ruvik is saying a bunch of words that he doesn’t understand, and the other man is stepping into the room and holding the object up in front of him.  There is a flash of bright blue light.

 

It’s more than a flash actually, because the room all around him stays blue, and the nurse is frozen in place, mouth slightly open in surprise and eyes trained on the man.  Or at least, her eyes are trained on where the man was, because he is still moving, and he is moving impossibly, inhumanly fast.  Ruvik says some more words, and his voice is loud and angry.

 

The man disappears behind Sebastian, and there is a shout of surprise.  Suddenly, Ruvik blinks into existence in front of him, and the man is appearing right next to Ruvik, but now he is wielding a knife.  Ruvik looks genuinely surprised, much more so than Sebastian has ever seen him look, and he steps back, disappears and reappears across the room, but Stefano- yes, his name is Stefano, Sebastian remembers now- is moving right along with him, disappearing and reappearing and swiping with his knife.

 

Sebastian doesn’t know what to think.  He must be confused or exhausted or both.  He has seen Ruvik bend the laws of physics in STEM, but since when could Stefano teleport from one place to another?  Then Ruvik lunges at Stefano, brandishing his fist, and Sebastian is afraid for Stefano, because he remembers what those hands can do.  He has been in control of those hands before.  Stefano dodges nimbly out of the way though, and Ruvik sails by him before he can correct himself.

 

They go back and forth like that few times, Stefano striking with the knife and Ruvik with his bare hand, neither one of them able to make contact, and both of them getting increasingly irritated judging by their expressions and shouts of frustration.  Sebastian is utterly baffled by Stefano’s new abilities, and he is starting to wonder if Stefano might actually be a match for Ruvik.  He has been assuming that Ruvik is all-powerful here in STEM, but Stefano is putting up quite a fight.

 

After a few missed strikes on each side, Stefano blinks into existence in front of Ruvik, and when Ruvik thrusts his fist forward, Stefano doesn’t step out of the way.  Instead he catches Ruvik’s fist in one hand, and plunges the knife into Ruvik’s skull with the other.

 

“Damn you!” snarls Ruvik as Stefano doubles over clutching his own hand.  “Damn you!” he shouts again as he reaches up to paw uselessly at the knife handle that is still protruding from just above his left temple.  Then suddenly the blue haze around them disappears with a pop, and Ruvik and the nurse are gone.

 

Stefano drops to one knee on the floor, still cradling his own hand- the one that he used to block Ruvik’s blow.  His head is bowed and his shoulders are heaving as he gasps for breath, and Sebastian wants to speak to him, but he can’t do anything but wait.  Stefano takes a few deep breaths and seems to be collecting himself before he raises his head to look at Sebastian.

 

“Sebastian,” he says, voice barely above a whisper.  “I… I am so sorry.  I hope I am not too late.”

 

He takes one more look at his own hand, which Sebastian can’t see from this angle, rises slowly to his feet, and circles around behind Sebastian.  Sebastian can hear his sharp intake of breath as he looks at the back of his head, and he realizes that he must look pretty awful right now.  He wants to tell Stefano that it’s not really as bad as it looks, that he is still himself, but of course he can’t.

 

“My god, Sebastian, I… I do not know what to do,” Stefano says from behind him.  He pauses.  “I am going to remove these.  Then we will have to see about getting back into the STEM room.  I doubt very much that Ruvik is gone for good.  He could return at any moment.”

 

Sebastian can’t feel Stefano doing anything but he can hear the clink of metal on metal as things are being placed on the table, and maybe it’s his imagination, but he feels like he is thinking more clearly as Stefano works.  Of course, it could also be that Stefano’s voice is in his ear, telling him to relax, that he is going to be alright.  Sebastian wants to laugh, because his muscles won’t let him do anything but relax right now.

 

Stefano’s words of comfort are shifting into sighs and muttered curses as he continues to work, and Sebastian is starting to wonder how bad things actually are, whether it will even be possible for him to leave this chair, much less leave STEM.  Then he feels the head restraint being loosened and lifted up.  His head lolls forward until his chin rests on his chest, his body still being held upright by the restraints.

 

Stefano’s feet enter his field of vision just a moment before Stefano leans kneels down in front of him and takes Sebastian’s face in his hands, gently lifting his head so that Sebastian can see him properly for the first time.  Stefano’s hands are cool on his skin, and there is something different about Stefano as well.  There is a faint blue glow coming from behind his hair, from where his right eye would have been.  It pulses slightly as Sebastian looks at him, and Sebastian can almost feel the energy, the raw power concentrated there.

 

Now that he is thinking more clearly, he has some grave concerns about the way that Stefano now appears to him and the new abilities he seems to possess.  Stefano has always been able to use his knife and camera in STEM, but the way he moved when he was fighting Ruvik, the way he phased effortlessly from one place to another, is new.  He was bending space almost the same way that Ruvik does, and if his power is starting to approach Ruvik’s, Sebastian is afraid that means he has lost his connection to his physical body and become one of the creatures of STEM.

 

But Stefano does seem to be helping him now, and none of the other creatures they’ve met in here so far have been so human or have interacted with them in any way that wasn’t overtly hostile.  Stefano still knows who Sebastian is and knows that they need to get out of STEM, though Sebastian can’t be sure how long this will last or even if it might be just a lingering vestige of his humanity.  And of course, none of this makes any difference right now, because Sebastian can’t act on any of it.  He is still utterly incapable of moving a muscle, a fact that seems to be troubling to Stefano.

 

“Sebastian?” he says softly, holding Sebastian’s face between his hands.  “Can you hear me?”  He pauses and Sebastian tries to speak, to nod, to blink, but all to no avail.  Stefano sighs audibly.  “What did he do to you?” he murmurs, more to himself than to Sebastian.  He stares deeply into Sebastian’s face for a few more moments, as though he might somehow find the answer there, but try as he might, Sebastian can’t communicate anything to him.

 

Stefano eases Sebastian’s head back down to his chest before he speaks again.  “I wish I could do more to patch you up, but I lack the medical knowledge.  Furthermore, I am not sure that any of this will truly matter if we are able to leave STEM.”  He sets to work unfastening the restraints on Sebastian’s arms and legs as he continues.  “I would imagine that such injuries would not carry over into the real world.  Or at least, I would hope not.”

 

He moves on to the strap around Sebastian’s chest.  When he unfastens it and Sebastian slumps forward, Stefano’s hand is on his chest, pushing him back against the chair so that he doesn’t fall out of it entirely.  Stefano seems to be considering him for a moment, and Sebastian wishes he wasn’t quite such a heavy burden, even though Stefano is only a couple of inches shorter than him.

 

Stefano seems to have a plan though, because he takes Sebastian’s arms and puts them over his shoulders, then turns around so that his back is to Sebastian.  He pulls Sebastian’s arms tightly over his shoulders and stands up, taking Sebastian with him in sort of an awkward piggy-back ride.  Sebastian is surprised at Stefano’s strength initially, especially when he begins to move forward, walking at a slow, shuffling pace as Sebastian’s feet drag on the ground behind him.  Of course, Stefano has helped to maneuver him- and probably many others- around at Slade’s house when he was under the influence, so perhaps this shouldn’t be such a surprise.

 

It is a tremendous relief to exit the dissection room, because there were a few points where Sebastian had believed that he might not be leaving that room at all, or at least, not as himself.  He desperately wants to thank Stefano, because he is starting to fear that Stefano’s consciousness might descend further into STEM before he gets the chance.  His lips are starting to feel a little tingly, and when he concentrates hard, he thinks that he might be able to move them just a bit, so he keeps concentrating, working on making tiny movements of his lips, his eyes, his fingertips, anything that he can actually manage to move.

 

When Stefano opens the door to the STEM room and steps inside, Sebastian briefly has a wider view of the room, which has changed.  There still appear to be figures in at least some of the tubs, but Jimenez’s body is no longer on the floor where it was the last time he saw it.  The glass tower in the center of the room is glowing blue, and Sebastian knows that they are in trouble even before the first pulse of energy radiates out from it like a ripple spreading across still water.

 

He didn’t expect Ruvik to give up so easily, but he certainly doesn’t want to face him when he is still so utterly helpless.  He can barely use his muscles, and he is pretty sure that the back of his skull is still wide open, something that Ruvik will almost certainly find a way to use to his advantage.

 

The first pulse of energy sweeps past them, and it’s followed by another and another.  They are coming closer and closer together, the energy building until suddenly the lights go out completely, and the machinery goes quiet.  Sebastian can only hear the sound of Stefano’s breathing and Stefano’s whisper.  “Sebastian?”

 

Sebastian can’t answer, but the tone of Stefano’s voice says that he knows they are in danger.  He eases Sebastian down to the floor and props him up against the wall.  Then he crouches beside Sebastian in silence as they wait for the inevitable.

 

When Ruvik appears this time, he brings the haze of blue light with him.  He simply steps out of the glass tower as though he’s been in there all along.  Perhaps, in a way, he has.  Sebastian has to remind himself that it’s only a representation of the actual STEM system, but he knows, from the time that he spent sharing his brain with Ruvik, that this is an important place for him.  This place holds power, because Ruvik believes that this place holds power, and in STEM Ruvik’s will is the law.

 

In a sudden rush of inspiration, Sebastian remembers the other thing that held power for Ruvik, that Ruvik believed he needed to possess in order to escape.  The fingers of Sebastian’s right hand twitch toward his back pocket, where Ruben’s journal is still tucked away.  Sebastian isn’t sure if it actually serves any function in Ruvik’s escape plan, but it was certainly important to him earlier.  He went back into his house to retrieve it rather than just going straight to Beacon, and that must mean something.

 

Putting himself in Ruvik’s place, he supposes it does make sense.  Laura was clearly the most important person in the world to him, and that journal probably holds all of the memories Ruvik has of her.  Sebastian is struck with the thought that maybe this journal, which exists inside Ruvik’s mind with everything else, is the only source of those memories, that if it stopped existing those memories would truly be gone.  That would certainly make it valuable to Ruvik.  Sebastian treasures his memories of Lily above all else, and he can’t imagine being without them.

 

The journal is a weak point that he might be able to exploit if he could only move his hand a little more.  Where his hand rests on the floor is less than a foot away from the journal in his pocket, but it might as well be a hundred miles for all the good it is doing him at the moment.

 

He is brought rapidly back to the present when Stefano scrambles to his feet beside him and steps in between him and Ruvik, squaring off with his camera in one hand.  Ruvik stops walking, but his head is still held high, and it is clear that the pause is on his own terms.

 

“I don’t want to fight you,” he says simply.  Then with a darker inflection, “I don’t have to fight you.”

 

Ruvik glances to his left and Stefano follows his gaze.  Sebastian can’t move his head, but he can see a little of what is going on using his peripheral vision.  Something… or someone is materializing out of the blue haze, and Stefano goes tense, turning to face the figure.  “Emily…” he breathes.

 

“Indeed,” Ruvik cuts in.  “I’ll leave you two to catch up, or beg for forgiveness if that’s what you prefer.  Sebastian and I have some unfinished business to-”

 

“Do you think I have not asked for forgiveness already?” Stefano interrupts, turning back to face Ruvik and raising his voice.  “Do you think I do not ask for forgiveness every day?  Do you think I do not ask every day if I have suffered enough?  If she will finally stop haunting my dreams?  If I will ever have a moment’s peace?”

 

Ruvik opens his mouth as though he is about to respond, but Stefano surges ahead.  “She never answers me, because she cannot hear me.  She is dead, Ruvik, and nothing can change that.  Nothing I do will ever be able to bring her back.”

 

Sebastian can see the shift in Ruvik’s stance, the way his eyes narrow and he puffs his chest up, just an instant before Stefano raises the camera and aims it at the vision of Emily.  There is a flash of blue light, and Emily disappears with a pulse of her own, a rush of energy that sends Stefano staggering backward.  The camera slips from his hands and falls, the lens shattering as it hits the floor.

 

Sebastian realizes with some alarm that Stefano is now completely unarmed just as Ruvik takes another step toward Stefano and blinks out of existence.  Stefano must see what’s coming as well, because he is already in motion, dodging out of the way so that when Ruvik reappears he has to turn to locate Stefano.

 

“Damn it!” Ruvik snarls, and as he turns, Sebastian can see the damage to his head left by Stefano’s last knife strike.  “You don’t understand what I’ve accomplished here!”  He makes another lunge at Stefano, but Stefano deftly phases out of the way, reappearing across the room.  “None of you do!” Ruvik continues.  He is at Stefano’s position in a second, but Stefano is already gone.  “That’s the problem with all of you people,” Ruvik snaps.  “None of you understand what STEM is, what STEM could be.”

 

As Ruvik and Stefano continue teleporting around the room in an attempt to get a hold of each other, Sebastian realizes that his fingers are tingling now, as though he’s been outside in the cold or his hand has been asleep.  He can move them a little more now, and he starts to creep his hand along the floor toward his back pocket.  Stefano may be able to stall Ruvik.  He’s doing an admirable job distracting him from Sebastian, but Sebastian is sure that if they’re actually going to get a chance to get out of STEM without Ruvik, it’s going to take a lot more than distractions.

 

Stefano and Ruvik are still lunging and dodging and phasing away from each other.  Clearly neither one of them actually wants to take a hit from the other, and it makes Sebastian wonder what happened to Stefano’s hand when he deflected Ruvik’s blow earlier.  Sebastian is fairly sure that Ruvik was using the same hand strike that killed Riker and Jimenez, but it looked like Stefano just absorbed it somehow.

 

Just as he has this thought, Sebastian’s fingers reach the journal in his back pocket.  Pinching the journal between them and drawing it out of his pocket is even harder, and it takes a few tries, but he manages to pull it out onto the floor beside him.  His hand is shaking from exertion, and he isn’t sure if he’s going to be able to accomplish much more until he has his mobility back, but he clearly needs to do something.  Ruvik and Stefano are still fighting it out, and Sebastian is sure that the longer the fight goes on, the more likely Ruvik is to win by sheer endurance.

 

He needs to do something that will matter to Ruvik, that will produce an emotional response.  He needs to destroy the journal somehow or at least threaten to destroy it.  He doesn’t have the strength in his arms yet to start tearing out the pages, but he does still have matches in his front pocket if he could only reach them…

 

Just at that moment, Stefano appears right in front of Sebastian.  His shoulders are heaving with each breath, and he is clearly getting tired.  When Ruvik starts toward him this time, something strange happens.  There is a flash of blue light, like from Stefano’s camera, but that camera is still lying shattered on the floor.  This flash is also much brighter.  It lights up the room, and even more shocking, it actually stalls Ruvik in place.

 

Stefano turns quickly back to Sebastian, his right eye still glowing a bright blue from under his hair.  “I cannot keep this up,” he hisses, shooting a glance over his shoulder at Ruvik.  “What the hell are we going to do?”

 

Sebastian moves his right hand as much as he can, which is still not very much, and gestures to the journal on the floor beside him.  Stefano looks confused for a moment, but when he steps in closer and picks it up, recognition dawns on his face.  His eye jerks back up to Sebastian’s.  “Do you still have..?”

 

Sebastian tries ineffectually to gesture at his front pocket, but Stefano is already going through his pockets, feeling around with hands so cold that Sebastian can feel their temperature even through his clothes.  When Stefano finds the matches, he pulls them out of Sebastian’s pocket, and with no hesitation, he strikes one and touches it to the journal.

 

Sebastian’s senses are overwhelmed in the next few moments, because a couple of things happened at once.  The journal goes up in flames like dry grass struck by lightning, and Stefano drops it to the floor, jumping back.  The blue box that is holding Ruvik shatters in a flash of light and the sound of breaking glass, and Ruvik is screaming a horrible, wordless wail.  He is there in an instant, on the ground between Stefano and Sebastian, trying to put out the journal with his hands, but apparently Ruvik is also extremely flammable, because the fire just races up his arms and down his body until he too is enveloped in flames.

 

Sebastian can only stare, can only wonder if this is how Lily died, if this is how Stefano would have died if Sebastian hadn’t intervened.  Ruvik is flailing at the air around him, and his screams are heart-wrenching to hear.

 

“Sebastian, we need to go,” Stefano says in his ear before he lifts Sebastian to his feet again.  Sebastian isn’t much help this time either.  He still can’t support his own weight, and he slumps against Stefano, who is dragging him over to the STEM terminal.  The first tub they reach is empty, and Sebastian is wondering how this can even be possible while Stefano is maneuvering him into it.  “Do you know what to do now?” Stefano asks.

 

“Just run the machine,” Sebastian tries to say, but the words come out muffled and slurred and probably unintelligible.  Jimenez’s instructions, as vague and unhelpful as they may be, are all they have to go on.  Sebastian isn’t sure whether Stefano understands him or has just given up on trying to figure out what he is talking about, but he disappears from Sebastian’s line of sight.

 

He can only see his body and the tub around him, but he can smell the fire, can hear Ruvik screaming, and he wants to block it out because it is too familiar, too painful, but it invades his every sense.  Inside Ruvik’s screams, he can hear Laura’s screams and Lily’s.  A tear runs unbidden down his face, because no one deserves this, not even Ruvik.

 

When the hum of static reaches his ears a few seconds later, he focuses on that, and when it rises in pitch and volume to a screech that rips through his brain, the unconsciousness it brings is a relief.

 

 

 


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yeah, I’m good,” Sebastian says. “Thank you.” He wants to say more, because a simple thank you doesn’t seem to be enough for what Joseph and Banks have done here. Maybe he and Stefano escaped STEM by themselves, but there is no way he would have been able to get Stefano medical attention in time. Sebastian doesn’t even want to think about what would have happened if Joseph hadn’t notice he was missing or hadn’t taken it upon himself to look for him.

 

 

Sebastian can hear the footsteps and the voices for a few minutes before he is able to open his eyes.  Boots traipse back and forth across a tile floor somewhere close to his head, but otherwise everything around him seems very still.  At least the noise of the static is gone.

 

“Three others in here,” a deep, familiar voice says.  “All dead.”

 

There is a hand on his shoulder, and he hears Joseph’s voice right above him.  “Let’s leave them then.  We can call the medical examiner once we’ve cleared the rest of the building.”

 

“I’ll check the other rooms on this floor,” Banks replies.  “You stay with Castellanos.  Hopefully he’ll come around.”

 

“Yes, sir,” Joseph replies.  His hand shifts to Sebastian’s neck, feeling for a pulse, and Sebastian can hear his sigh of relief when he finds it.  He isn’t sure what he is supposed to be ‘coming around’ from or why he seems to be so impaired.  His limbs are heavy and unresponsive, and it feels like he hasn’t seen Joseph in days.  In fact, he’s pretty sure he hasn’t seen Joseph in days.  Certainly not since he came to the hospital…

 

The memories from STEM come rushing back to him so hard that he feels like the wind has been knocked out of him.  He gasps for breath, fights down the panic, because if Joseph is here, then they’re out of STEM.  They’ve escaped into the real world, and he needs to find Stefano right now.

 

His eyes fly open, and he is immediately blinded by Joseph’s flashlight in an otherwise pitch-black room.  He groans in protest, lifting a hand to shield his eyes.  After being paralyzed by Ruvik’s drugs, being able to move his hands at all is a relief, even if it does take a lot of effort.

 

“Sorry,” Joseph says quickly, redirecting his flashlight, but the next moment both of his hands are back on Sebastian’s shoulders, and Sebastian can tell that he is torn between the need to administer first aid and the urge to throw his arms around Sebastian.  “Are you alright Seb?  What happened?”

 

“Where’s Stefano?” Sebastian blurts out, grabbing Joseph’s wrists.  It’s the only thing on his mind, and as relieved as he is to see Joseph, he can’t rest until he knows that Stefano is safe.

 

“Easy,” Joseph says, giving his shoulders a squeeze.  “I don’t know what happened here, but you’ve been unconscious.  Now who’s Stefano?”

 

“He was downstairs,” Sebastian answers, words tumbling out of his mouth in a panic.  “He had severe internal bleeding.  Jimenez brought him here to-”

 

“Hold on,” Joseph says, and Sebastian doesn’t want to hold on, but then Joseph adds, “We found him about ten minutes ago if he’s the guy downstairs with the facial scarring.”

 

Sebastian nods, his heart racing in his chest as he waits for Joseph to elaborate.

 

“He looks like he’s in bad shape, but the SWAT medic is with him now, and there’s an ambulance on the way.”

 

“But he’s alive?” Sebastian asks, his grip on Joseph’s wrists tightening.

 

“Yes,” Joseph replies with a tight smile.  “At least he was when I was down there.  Banks and I left them to keep on searching for you.”

 

“How did you even know to look for me?” Sebastian asks.

 

“I’ll tell you in a minute,” Joseph says.  “First, I need to know what happened here.”

 

Sebastian shakes his head, the weight of his time in STEM suddenly crashing down on him like a tidal wave of exhaustion.  Now that he knows Stefano is getting medical care from someone who actually wants to help him, he can focus on his own condition, and he is sore and tired and he wants nothing more than to take a nap right here on the floor.  He sighs.  “I’m not sure you would believe me even if I could tell you,” he says.

 

“Try me,” Joseph replies, raising an eyebrow in a way that Sebastian recognizes as a challenge.

 

Well, if it’s a crazy story Joseph wants, then Sebastian will give it to him.  “The head doctor here, Marcelo Jimenez, is working with some kind of secret organization-”

 

“Jimenez isn’t doing anything anymore,” Joseph remarks, pointing his flashlight across the room and nodding at Jimenez’s body, which is illuminated by the beam of light.

 

“Yeah, well he was working with a secret organization doing research on the human brain,” Sebastian continues.  “Stefano and I were in his last experimental group.”

 

“I see,” Joseph says, “and was Detective Jackson also in that group?”

 

“Sort of,” Sebastian answers.  “He was actually working with the secret organization too, before…”  Sebastian’s voice trails off as he realizes how crazy he probably sounds.  Not even Joseph is going to believe this.  “I sound like a lunatic, don’t I?”

 

“No,” Joseph says, giving his shoulder a squeeze.  “We’ve known each other a long time.  If you say he was working with them, I believe you.”

 

“He was,” Sebastian says.  He frowns as he realizes that if the corruption in KCPD runs as deep as it seems to, they probably can’t trust anyone else on the force.  “Joseph,” he says, fixing him with a serious look.  “I don’t know who else is working with them, but there could be others, and if there are, then those people probably want Stefano dead.  We can’t leave him alone for a second, even with another officer.”

 

“Seb,” Joseph says soothingly.  “I’m sure the medics are taking good care of him, and we can-”

 

“Joseph.”  Sebastian can hear the hard edge in his own voice, and apparently so can Joseph, because he stops speaking.  “I need you to go and stay with him, at least until I can do it myself.  I know I can’t explain everything right now, but you have to trust me on this.  He is in danger, and we can’t rely on anyone else to protect him.”

 

Joseph stares back at him for a few seconds, before he takes a deep breath and nods.  “I’ll go back down there and keep an eye on him,” he says.  “Are you okay to wait here?”

 

“I’m fine,” Sebastian says quickly.  “Just go and stay with Stefano.”

 

Joseph is on his feet in an instant and heading out of the room.  The sound of his boots fades away down the hall, and Sebastian is left alone with his own thoughts.  He is terrified for Stefano of course.  He’s been worried about him the entire time, and even now that they are out of STEM, he cannot truly rest.  His initial relief at Stefano being seen by the medics has been replaced by a creeping dread that they are somehow also working for Mobius, that they, like Jimenez, won’t really try to help him.  If Stefano is going to have any chance of survival, he needs immediate competent care, and there are so many things that could go wrong, so many things that could be allowed to go wrong.

 

Sebastian’s mind is racing through some of those possibilities when he hears footsteps and sees the beam of a flashlight playing over the room.  With a grunt of exertion, he sits halfway up, blinking in the bright light.

 

“Castellanos?” Banks calls out to him, rushing over and crouching down beside him.  “Are you injured?”

 

Sebastian’s first impression is that Banks has got to be mad at him for being here at all, for conducting an investigation when he was supposed to be on leave, for following up on a lead he was specifically told not to pursue.  But that seems a little ridiculous considering that Banks’ face is all relief and a little bit of confusion.  If he’s angry, he’s not showing it.

 

“No, I don’t think so,” Sebastian replies.  “A little weak though.  I think I was drugged.”  It’s the short version of the truth.

 

“Alright then,” Banks says.  “We need to get you to the hospital and get your blood checked.  Where’s Oda?”

 

“He went back downstairs to help the SWAT team,” Sebastian replies.  It’s not the best explanation.  The SWAT team undoubtedly doesn’t need Joseph’s help.  The problem is more that Sebastian simply doesn’t trust the SWAT team.  Luckily Banks seems to take his statement at face value.

 

“Good,” he says.  “There’s no one else up here to rescue anyway.  The rest of them can wait for the medical examiner.”

 

Sebastian nods.  Apparently there is something to the theory that death of the mind in STEM leads to death of the body in the real world, because Jimenez, Riker, and Jackson are all dead now.

 

Banks extends a hand to him.  “Let’s go,” he says.  “I’ll help you downstairs.  I don’t think the EMTs could get a gurney into that rickety old elevator even if they wanted to.”

 

Sebastian laughs and takes his hand, letting Banks pull him to his feet, then pull his arm across his shoulders to support him.  It turns out to be a good idea, because even though Sebastian’s feet stay under him, they aren’t up to the task of supporting his weight.

 

“How long have I been here?” he asks Banks.  It’s occurred to him that if he’s still weak from the drugs, then it can only have been a few hours.

 

“Can’t say for sure,” Banks says, “but at least twenty-four hours.  That’s how long Oda’s been looking for you.”

 

“Jesus Christ,” Sebastian mutters.  He’s not even thinking of himself anymore.  He’s thinking of Stefano in his hospital bed, slowly bleeding over the course of twenty-four hours.  It’s nothing short of miraculous that he’s still alive at all.  There’s no way he should have been able to endure so much, but after everything Stefano has already endured at Slade and Riker’s hands, maybe this isn’t so different.

 

The fact that he’s been gone for twenty-four hours also explains his current state even better than the drugs would, because twenty-four hours with no food and no water would probably make anyone feel a little weak.  It also doesn’t bode well for the blood test turning up any results.  Drugs are usually metabolized in the body in a matter of hours, not days.

 

“Can you tell me why Jackson was here?” Banks asks as they reach the elevator and press the button to call it back to this floor.  “Actually, anything you can tell me would be helpful.”

 

“I don’t know the details,” Sebastian says, “but Jackson was working with Slade.”  He shoots a glance at Banks.  “I know that sounds crazy, but-”

 

Banks shakes his head.  “Not too crazy, after everything else I’ve seen here.”  He lowers his voice, even though they are clearly alone.  “Just between us, I was suspicious because of how quickly Kidman stonewalled the whole business with Slade.  I barely got a word out before she was telling me that homicide was taking over.  It didn’t make sense even then.  It was clearly a drug case, but she was adamant…”

 

The elevator arrives, and they step on.  Banks presses the button for the ground floor.

 

“How much trouble am I in?” Sebastian asks.  Banks is a reasonable guy, and now that he knows a little more about the situation, Sebastian is hoping that his actions will seem a little more justified.  Maybe there is some chance of him keeping his career after all.

 

“A lot,” Banks replies.  “We all are- you and Oda and I.  We didn’t exactly have a search warrant to come here tonight, and we only got the SWAT team because we called it in as a possible hostage situation.”  He shrugs.  “I doubt any of us will keep our jobs, but whatever happened here is fucked up, and if the department supports it, then I can’t say I want to work there anymore.”

 

“Shit,” Sebastian mutters in disbelief.  He hadn’t even given any thought to how Joseph and Banks justified responding to Beacon, but it sounds like they both put their careers on the line to try to save him.  “Thank you… I can’t believe you guys came to find me.”

 

“Well that was mostly Oda,” Banks says as the elevator stops and they get off on the ground floor.  “He conducted a pretty thorough investigation of his own.  I think he only called in my help once he realized where you were and that he’d need some help to deal with Slade’s crowd.  I have to admit, I thought we were heading into a shootout.  Didn’t expect everyone in here to be dead already.”

 

They have reached the door that leads back to Jimenez’s office, and Sebastian desperately wants to keep going down the hall, to lay eyes on Stefano himself and make sure he is okay, but just at that moment, he hears voices calling out, and the EMS personnel burst through the door with their gurney.  Banks and Sebastian step back quickly, and Banks points them down the hall toward Stefano’s room.

 

The EMTs take off down the hall, and Joseph steps out of Stefano’s room to flag them down.  They disappear into the room in a clatter of noise, and Sebastian calls out to Joseph.

 

Joseph jogs down the hall.  “What is it, Seb?”  He glances over his shoulder as though anxious to get back to Stefano.

 

“Is he conscious?” Sebastian asks.  It’s occurred to him rather suddenly that if Stefano has any idea that all of this is going on, he’s probably terrified.  After years of being manhandled by Jimenez, Sebastian can’t imagine that he’d be too happy to see the paramedics.

 

“No,” Joseph says with a shake of his head.  “And I don’t think he will be anytime soon.  They’re probably going to try to keep him sedated until they can get him into surgery.”

 

“Okay,” Sebastian replies.  It’s some small relief that at least Stefano probably isn’t aware right now.  He’s suffered enough, and Sebastian hopes that the next time he wakes up he’ll be in a real hospital and on enough pain medication to ensure his comfort… which reminds Sebastian of something else.  “He’s a drug user,” he adds, because this is something the hospital might need to know in order to treat him.  “He’s been on Slade’s homemade mixture that has a whole bunch of weird shit in it, but it’s a cocaine-amphetamine base.  Can you make sure the medics know that?”

 

“Got it,” Joseph replies.  He must be able to read on Sebastian’s face how reluctant he is to leave, because he adds, “I’ll stay with him until you can take over.  Go get checked out and get your blood tested.  And get out of here before the rest of the force shows up.  Some of them might not be very happy with you.”

 

Joseph turns to jog back down the hall as Banks ushers Sebastian through the door.  They begin the long trek back to the front door of the hospital.  “Oda wasn’t kidding,” Banks says.  “We had to call in a lot of backup since we’ve got three bodies upstairs, and I don’t know who else is in on this under-the-table stuff.  Probably best if we’re not here to talk to them.”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian agrees.  He can’t think of any good that will come of talking to anyone on KCPD about this right now- not before they figure out who they can trust and who is in league with Slade and Mobius.  Speaking of Slade, he is now foremost on Sebastian’s mind.  How long is it going to take him to find out what happened?  And what is he going to do when he does?

 

Clearly he’s going to be furious- both at Riker’s death and the collapse of the STEM system-, and Sebastian fears that he will leak his information about Emily Lewis or worse, try to have Stefano killed outright.  But Joseph is staying with Stefano, and that gives Sebastian some comfort that at least he’ll be safe until Sebastian can get back to him.

 

“So that’s the guy who gave you the lead on Slade?” Banks asks.

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian replies.  “He was working with me to investigate Slade’s operation.”  He hopes Banks will take the term ‘investigate’ with a grain of salt, since Sebastian certainly wasn’t authorized to be conducting any investigation at the time.

 

“Hopefully he survives,” Banks says.  “We’re going to need someone to testify against that asshole.”

 

Sebastian hopes that Stefano survives for entirely different reasons, but he’s not going to talk about that right now.  He’s also privately thinking that it will be a miracle if they get anywhere close to prosecuting Slade, considering how well Mobius seems to be protecting him and how little interest KCPD seems to have in bringing him to justice.  In fact, after the hospital, which he’s pretty sure Banks is going to insist on, Slade’s house is going to be his next stop.

 

By the time they reach the lobby, Sebastian’s legs seem to be cooperating with his body again, and he gives Banks a pat on the shoulder with his free hand.  “I think I’m okay now.”

 

“You sure?” Banks asks.  He releases Sebastian, but looks as though he is ready to catch him again immediately.  Once Sebastian has his balance though, he doesn’t falter.

 

“Yeah, I’m good,” he says.  “Thank you.”  He wants to say more, because a simple thank you doesn’t seem to be enough for what Joseph and Banks have done here.  Maybe he and Stefano escaped STEM by themselves, but there is no way he would have been able to get Stefano medical attention in time.  Sebastian doesn’t even want to think about what would have happened if Joseph hadn’t notice he was missing or hadn’t taken it upon himself to look for him.

 

As he and Banks continue across the lobby, it dawns on Sebastian that he hasn’t seen a single light on in the building on their way out, and when he listens carefully, the air-handling system isn’t running either.  “Is the power out in here?” he asks.

 

“Yeah,” Banks replies.  “There was some kind of massive power surge right when Oda and I got here.  Blew up the transformer in the back.  We didn’t even try to get it back on- just came looking for you.”

 

They exit through the front door, and Banks turns to Sebastian.  “Do you have your keys?” he asks.  “I rode here with Oda.  I’ll drive you to the hospital.”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian replies after a brief hesitation, because it takes him a moment to remember that he must have them.  They must still be in his pocket.  All the same, when he reaches his hand in, he expects to feel Ruvik’s journal, but he finds only the keys and hands them to Banks.  He’s not going to argue with Banks about this.  He’s just regained enough feeling in his legs to walk, so he probably shouldn’t be driving anyway.

 

He climbs into the passenger side of the jeep, and they pull out of the driveway, just as four marked units and the medical examiner’s truck arrive on scene.  Sebastian watches in the rearview mirror as officers start getting out of their vehicles and heading into the building.  He hopes that Joseph meant what he said about staying with Stefano, because any one of these people could actually be working for Slade.

 

He is quiet on the drive, and Banks doesn’t push him for information.  He’s sure there is a lengthy debrief coming soon, but he’s relieved to put it off a little while longer.  He is wondering now if the power surge is something that happened when they exited STEM or at least something that facilitated their escape.  There’s really no way of knowing what effect it would have had without knowing more about STEM, and now the only people Sebastian knows who could answer those kind of questions are presumably dead.

 

It’s also concerning that the power was out, even for a short time, when Stefano was in such poor condition.  Sebastian knows that the monitors and IV drips weren’t what was keeping Stefano alive, and of course he probably survived much worse in STEM, but it’s worrying all the same.  What if Stefano never wakes up?  Or what if he wakes up with some kind of brain damage?

 

By the time they reach the hospital, Sebastian has worked himself up into a frenzy with all of the different scenarios and fears he has for Stefano, but he takes a moment before he even gets out of the car to pull himself together.  The staff is going to be assessing him to determine whether he needs to stay here for treatment, and if he is going to have any chance of getting to Slade before Mobius does, then he needs to convince them to send him on his way.

 

He’s also a little unclear on what he’s actually supposed to tell the hospital personnel, so it’s a relief when Banks marches him right up to the check-in desk and tells the receptionist, “This is Detective Castellanos.  He was abducted and possibly drugged in the course of an investigation.  No injuries reported, but if you can give him a once-over and get a blood sample, I’d appreciate it.  Hold the sample for testing by the state lab.”

 

Banks turns to Sebastian and hands him his car keys.  “I’ve got some things to take care of.  Check in with Oda once they’re done with you, alright?”

 

Sebastian gives him a nod.  “Yes, sir.”

 

Predictably the receptionist has about seventeen pages of forms for him to fill out, though he skips over the worker’s compensation packet since he wasn’t actually on-duty when this whole thing happened.  He’s sure he’ll be having that discussion later with Banks or maybe even the Chief if this is bad enough that they’re all getting fired.  The physical exam is basically painless, though he does have to look away when they draw his blood.  It brings a little smile to his face to remember Stefano using the syringe to heal him in STEM.  He hopes Stefano is still holding on.  He’s probably somewhere in this hospital now.

 

They can’t find anything wrong with him except dehydration, which seems strange, because everything that happened in STEM felt so real.  He tries to get the nurse to speed up the administration of the fluids, which incidentally involves another needle, but apparently that’s ‘not safe’, so he has to sit quietly for an hour and stare in the general direction of the TV, while his brain continues to work up more ideas about what is happening to Stefano now.

 

When they finally tell him he can go, he pulls out his phone to text Joseph but of course after two days and possibly exposure to the wireless STEM waves, it’s dead.  He opts to find a different nurse’s station to ask about Stefano, since he is pretty sure that the staff members who just treated him are not going to buy the idea that he is back on duty immediately.

 

“I’m Detective Castellanos,” he tells the young man at the new station.  He flashes his badge as he wonders how much longer he’ll even be able to introduce himself as a detective, how much longer he’ll have a badge.  “I’m looking for a patient- Stefano Valentini.”

 

The young man types something into his computer terminal and frowns.  “Sorry, detective.  I don’t have anyone by that name checked in right now.”

 

“Shit,” mutters Sebastian, because immediately he assumes that Slade has gotten to Stefano, that he never even made it to the hospital, that he is already dead or worse.  He takes a breath and tries to consider other possibilities.  Joseph doesn’t know Stefano’s last name, so maybe he’s here and just not listed correctly.  “Do you maybe have him under just a first name or as a John Doe?” he asks.  “He would have come in by ambulance within the last hour with a police escort.”

 

The young man types something else, then scans the computer screen with his eyes.  “Yes, I think I know who you mean.  He’s in operating suite 1B right now, but-”

 

Sebastian is already gone, striding briskly down the hall to the elevator.  He’s been in this hospital more times than he can count, and he probably knows how to get around in here better than most of the new staff.  He rides the elevator down to the first floor, weaves his way through the usual motley assortment of people in the emergency waiting area, and pushes through the swinging doors into an area marked ‘Employees Only’.  He flashes his badge to the only staff member who questions his credentials to be in there, but he doesn’t slow down, because now that he is so close, nothing is going to keep him from Stefano.

 

He rounds the corner to the operating rooms, and spots Joseph standing outside the door to 1B.  Joseph looks pleasantly surprised to see him at first, but his brow quickly furrows in concern.  “Seb!  What are you doing here?  You’re supposed to go get yourself checked out.”

 

“Already did,” Sebastian replies.  “Nothing wrong with me… or at least nothing they can fix here.”  He gives Joseph a half-smile, because Joseph is the one who always knows better even when he says he’s fine.  “How’s Stefano?”

 

“He’s in surgery,” Joseph says, nodding his head toward the swinging doors in front of him.  Sebastian peers through the window set into the door, but with so many people and machines and surgical drapes it’s impossible to see anything that is recognizable as any part of Stefano.  “I don’t know anything more than that.  I think it’s up to the doctors now.”

 

Sebastian turns back to Joseph.  “Thanks for watching him.  I can take over now if you need to get going.”

 

Joseph lets out a little huff of laughter, as if Sebastian’s suggestion is ridiculous.  “Not a chance.  I’m not leaving you alone here.  You’d probably be in the operating room already if I wasn’t here.”  Joseph raises an eyebrow, and Sebastian can’t argue with him, because barging in there and demanding an update from the doctors has occurred to him.  “You should go home for a while or at least get some food or something.  He’s probably going to be in there for a while, and I’ll stay with him until you get back.”

 

“No,” Sebastian insists.  “I’m not going to leave him again.”

 

“Seb, you can’t do that.  When was the last time you ate?”  Joseph’s expression is stern now, and Sebastian would laugh if he wasn’t so worried about Stefano.

 

“I don’t remember,” he answers honestly, “but it’s really not important right now.  I need to stay at least until I know he’s stable.”

 

Joseph sighs, “Well, that’s a little more reasonable, but he could still be in surgery for hours.  Are you okay here by yourself if I go get us some food?”

 

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Sebastian says.  Food is the furthest thing from his mind right now, but if it’ll make Joseph happy, then he’s not going to argue.  He turns back to the window to look in on Stefano again, and Joseph gives him a pat on the shoulder before his footsteps fade away down the hall.

 

He doesn’t know how much time passes as he watches the doctors work on Stefano.  That cold feeling is back in his stomach, and he feels utterly helpless.  He should have done more.  Even before STEM, he should have done more.  He should have taken Stefano away from Slade and Riker the instant he realized what Stefano’s life was actually like.  Stefano’s reassurances and the prospect of concluding the investigation should not have been enough for him to overlook this kind of cruelty, and now Stefano might pay the ultimate price for it.  He hasn’t felt like this since the night Lily died.

 

“Seb.”  Joseph’s hand lands on his shoulder again and he jumps.  Joseph is holding a takeout bag from their favorite breakfast place.  Just the sight of it makes him smile to remember all the times he and Joseph stopped there after the night shift.  It also makes his stomach start to growl.  “Hold this for a second,” Joseph says, handing him the bag.  “I’m going to find some chairs.”

 

When Joseph returns with chairs for them, Sebastian takes one more look into the operating room.  He still can’t see what is going on in there, but there are no other entrances, so he feels comfortable enough to sink down into one of the chairs and open the bag of food.  Apparently he actually is hungry, because his stomach reacts immediately to the smell of the breakfast sandwich, and he only has time to hand the other one to Joseph before he is wolfing his down.

 

Joseph laughs as he unwraps his own, but at least he is kind enough not to say ‘I told you so.’  Sebastian finishes his in a matter of seconds and is considering eating the paper it was wrapped in when Joseph says, “Take it easy, Seb.  I got you another one, but slow down a little.”

 

“Okay, mom,” Sebastian says with a roll of his eyes as he reaches into the bag for another sandwich.  Even though he can’t help making fun of Joseph a little, he does take his time eating this one.  He’s not sure if food has ever tasted this good before, and with every bite he feels a little less disoriented and a little more capable.

 

“Thanks,” he says to Joseph when he’s finished.  “I needed that.”

 

“I know,” Joseph says, placing a hand on his knee.  “And I need to know what happened in that hospital.”

 

“There’s a lot more to it than that,” Sebastian says.  “Where do you want me to start?”

 

“Start at the beginning,” Joseph says, leaning back in his chair and crossing one leg over the other.  “I want to know everything.”

 

 

 


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I suppose it’s useless to try to convince you to go home for a shower and some sleep,” Joseph says casually.
> 
> Sleep and a shower sound amazing right now, and even though Sebastian isn’t eager to leave Stefano, the knowledge that Joseph would stay with him and that Stefano won’t be able to talk to him for several more hours does make the prospect of taking a break more tempting. What is even more tempting than that is the prospect of going to Slade’s house. “I don’t know,” Sebastian replies with a smile. “I might be able to be convinced.”
> 
> Joseph scrutinizes his face with a shrewd eye, then sighs. “You’re going to go to Slade’s, aren’t you?”

 

 

Joseph listens with rapt attention as Sebastian describes his debrief with Stefano at the precinct, and how he became determined to investigate Slade.  Joseph knows a little about this of course, because he was aware of the reasons for Sebastian’s leave of absence, but Sebastian wants to give enough context that Joseph won’t think he’s lost his mind when he gets to the next part of the story.

 

He debates how much to go into his more personal reasons for wanting to continue the investigation, but Joseph knows him so well that he would probably see right through that, so Sebastian does acknowledge that in addition to all of the other dead and missing people, he had hoped that working this case might yield some information about Myra.  Joseph just gives a sympathetic smile and a nod.

 

When he gets to the part about going to Slade’s for the first time, Joseph draws his breath in quickly, unable to cover the look of shock on his face.  “Seb, that was so dangerous,” he interjects.  “What the hell were you thinking going undercover by yourself?”

 

Sebastian heaves a sigh of resignation, because Joseph is right.  He is well aware of the dangers of undercover work.  Aside from the obvious risks of doing business with someone like Slade, there’s always the fear of being recognized as a detective and shot on sight.  “They weren’t going to let me investigate Slade,” Sebastian explains.  “I had no other options-”

 

“You had me.”  Joseph’s eyes are burning, and Sebastian can’t tell if it’s anger or disappointment or regret, but he is staring him down.  “You always have me.”

 

“I know,” Sebastian says, reaching out to place a hand on Joseph’s knee.  “I know, and I thought about that.  I knew that if I called you, you’d come through for me, but I also knew that I was way out of line, and I didn’t want to take you down with me.”  He gives a small, regretful smile.  “I guess I didn’t do such a great job of that.”  He brings his hand back to his own lap.

 

“Seb, you’ve known me longer than anyone,” Joseph begins.  “You know that I own every decision I make, and I would have owned this one too.”

 

Sebastian nods.  “I know.  It’s just that you’re a much better cop than I’ll ever be.  You can get the job done and still play by the rules, and that’s something I’ve never been good at.”

 

“No, but it sounds like this particular job wasn’t going to get done if we played by the rules,” Joseph says.  “And I would have been right there with you if I’d known what you were planning.”  He pauses, adjusting his glasses.  “Sorry for interrupting.  I just wish you’d called me.”

 

Sebastian nods and starts to describe going to Slade’s house.  When he gets the part about receiving a blow job from Stefano and taking a hit of cocaine, Joseph’s eyebrows shoot up, and Sebastian raises his hands in front of him, palms facing Joseph.

 

“I know, I know,” he says.  “But that was the only way I was ever going to get a sample of the substance and get Slade to keep selling to me.  And I didn’t have the manpower to approach it more directly.”  He can’t blame Joseph for being disbelieving or even angry.  He crossed so many lines with this investigation that he’s surprised Joseph is even still listening to him.

 

Joseph does look a little shell-shocked, but he gives his head a shake and lets Sebastian continue.  He listens with interest as Sebastian explains the drug trip and waking up with Stefano the next morning, though that gets another raised eyebrow.  Sebastian ignores that one and pushes on to explain the next two nights of parties at Slade’s and some of the weird things he remembers from his own drug trips.  When he talks about pocketing the sample of Slade’s drug mixture, a look of recognition flashes across Joseph’s face.

 

“That’s what I submitted to the lab, isn’t it?” he asks.

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian replies.  “I’m sorry.  I hated to lie to you, but I was still trying to keep you out of trouble and I really needed that sample analyzed.”

 

“I should have known,” Joseph says, shaking his head.  “I knew you’d been having trouble at work, but keeping evidence in your car… I just should have known.”

 

“It’s alright,” Sebastian replies.  “You still helped out a lot just by submitting it.”

 

He continues his story, skipping over what he saw on the cameras between Stefano and Riker, because it doesn’t really help explain Slade or Mobius at all, and he doesn’t want to think about it anymore.  It somehow feels like a violation of Stefano’s privacy to talk about that, even to Joseph.

 

Joseph looks appropriately horrified when Sebastian describes sneaking into the upper floor of Slade’s house and getting the information from his computer, though he looks more intrigued when Sebastian talks about the spreadsheets and how he started to put together the idea that Slade was related to even more of the missing people than he first thought.

 

Sebastian tries to describe Stefano’s deteriorating condition without revealing how intimate he and Stefano were during that time, though the number of meaningful looks and raised eyebrows he gets from Joseph leads him to believe that he’s only partially successful.  Fortunately, when Joseph does ask a question, it’s not about that.  “Why didn’t you just take him to the hospital?” he asks.

 

“Believe me, I tried,” Sebastian says, “but he absolutely refused.  And he wasn’t in a state where I could have had him treated involuntarily.”  He recoils a little at that idea anyway.  Stefano has surely had enough done to him involuntarily in his life.

 

Joseph seems to accept that, and Sebastian describes meeting with Zora and calling in the information about Emmanuel Perez to the fugitive squad before Joseph cuts in again.  “I talked to Zora too- that’s actually part of how I found you, but still… MS13?”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian says.  “Apparently he had to leave the gang and was recruited by Slade to manage his human trafficking operation.  He was probably a bigger asshole than Slade.”  Sebastian says it grudgingly, because he is- or was- much angrier at Riker because of how he treated Stefano, but Slade is the one running the whole operation, and Slade is the bigger threat.

 

Sebastian also redacts some information from Jimenez’s examination of Stefano in order to preserve Stefano’s privacy.  He tells Joseph about going to Beacon to find Stefano, and how he found Stefano there before he was drugged himself and taken upstairs.  Then he pauses and looks at Joseph to make sure he’s ready for the next part.  “Are you ready for the weird part?”

 

“Ready,” Joseph says without missing a beat.

 

Sebastian explains waking up in what he thought was Beacon and the strange, shifting architecture that he and Stefano saw there, meeting up with Riker and Jackson, and learning the basics of STEM from Jimenez before Joseph asks another question.  “So this STEM system… Is that the machine that was in the room with you at Beacon.”

 

“I would assume so,” Sebastian says.  “I didn’t take much of a look around in Beacon, and I think things were a little different for us because we got sort of pulled in by the wireless STEM system.  Or at least that’s the way Jimenez described it.”

 

“And the machine manipulates people’s brain waves to create some kind of immersive group experience?” Joseph asks.

 

“Very immersive,” Sebastian agrees.  “Even when I knew it wasn’t real and the stuff that was happening in there was impossible, I still couldn’t get myself out of it… at least not until the very end.”

 

Sebastian doesn’t go over every detail of what happened in STEM, but he does tell Joseph about Ruvik, about how Ruvik tried to use Sebastian’s own memories to force his way into Sebastian’s brain.

 

“Why you?” Joseph interrupts.  “Was there something about your brain that made you particularly susceptible?”

 

“I think so,” Sebastian says.  “It had something to do with the fire.  He lost his sister in a fire as a child, and I think he was trying to capitalize on some of my memories and feelings to make my brain more receptive to his.”

 

“How did he even figure that out though?” Joseph presses on.  “How did he know you’d be in STEM at that time?”

 

“Well, once I was in STEM, he had access to all of my thoughts and memories,” Sebastian says.  He hesitates, because he’s not sure how he feels about this next piece of information.  “But as for how he knew I’d be in STEM, I think I was picked for this specifically.”

 

“By whom?” Joseph asks.

 

“By Myra,” Sebastian sighs.  “Stefano said he had seen Myra at Beacon working with Jimenez, and of course she would have known everything Mobius would need to know about me.”

 

“Sebastian,” Joseph says with a sympathetic smile, and Sebastian can tell that this is where Joseph draws the line.  “That’s… really hard to believe.  Why would Myra be working for this organization?  Why wouldn’t she have contacted you if she’s right here in Krimson City?”

 

“I don’t know why she’d be working for them,” Sebastian says with a sigh of resignation.  “But if she is and if they were looking at me for the experiment, then that’s why she wouldn’t have contacted me.”

 

Joseph makes a noncommittal noise and motions for Sebastian to go on.  Sebastian explains Ruvik’s plan, at least to the extent that he understands it himself, which is probably not very well, but when he reaches the part where Riker set Stefano on fire, his voice breaks and he has to take a moment to collect himself.  Stefano has endured so much, at Slade’s and in STEM and even now in the hospital, that Sebastian can’t bear to think about him suffering any more.

 

“You became… close?” Joseph asks in the pause that Sebastian takes.  He is staring at Sebastian now with an intensity that says that he knows something is going on here, and Sebastian can only nod and blink back tears.

 

Joseph places a hand on his arm.  “I’m sorry,” he says.  “I didn’t realize… I mean, I knew you were more attached to him than our average informant, and I suppose it makes sense after everything you guys went through together.”

 

Sebastian nods again and Joseph gives his arm a squeeze.  “They’re doing everything they can for him.  And when he’s out of surgery, we’re not going to let him out of our sight.  He’s safe now, Sebastian.”

 

Sebastian can only hope that Joseph is right, because the idea of Stefano going back to Slade’s is too horrible to contemplate.  For that matter, he needs to get over to Slade’s to head off any impending problems, and probably sooner rather than later.

 

He finishes his story about STEM, and Joseph listens attentively, though Ruvik’s amateur brain surgery does get a shudder out of him.  When he’s reached the end, Joseph asks, “So what needs to be done now?”

 

Sebastian almost laughs, because if he knew that then he’d be a hell of a lot less stressed.  “Well, first we need to make sure Stefano is safe, but after that I think everything comes down to Slade.  If Mobius has a weak link, it’s him.  He’s a terrible businessman, and I don’t think he’s nearly as committed to Mobius plan as he is to getting high and partying and preserving his own ass.”  Joseph laughs at that, but Sebastian continues, “So I think we need to bring him in for questioning if Mobius will even let us get our hands on him.”

 

“And assuming we still have jobs,” Joseph comments.  There is a bitter tone in his voice, but Sebastian knows it’s not directed at him.  Joseph has already made it clear that he stands behind the decision to help Sebastian.

 

“Yeah, we’ll have to keep all of this on the down low until we have a better idea of who in the department is working for Mobius,” Sebastian says.  “Right now I don’t think we can trust anyone but each other and maybe Banks.”

 

Joseph opens his mouth to say something, but just then one of the doors to the operating room swings open, and a tall man in scrubs comes out.  He immediately turns to Joseph and begins to speak before either one of them can start asking questions.

 

“He’s stable, but he’s not out of the woods yet.  We controlled the bleeding and removed all of the necrotic tissue, but he’s still at high risk of infection and sepsis, so he’ll need to be monitored continuously.  Is he in custody?”

 

“No,” Joseph replies.  “He’s a key witness though, so he’ll have an officer stationed at his room at all times.”

 

“Alright then,” the man says with a curt nod.  “We’re just closing him up, and then we’ll be moving him to the ICU.  You can follow us up there.”  He turns to go back into the operating room, but Sebastian interjects.

 

“When do you think he’ll be awake?”

 

The man turns back to him and replies, “The anesthesia should wear off in the next hour or so, but he’s going to be on a lot of pain medication, and with the condition he’s in I wouldn’t expect him to be very alert for another six to eight hours.  We’ll need to start adjusting his meds pretty quickly if he’s an addict.”

 

“Thanks,” Sebastian says, and the man disappears through the doors again.

 

“I suppose it’s useless to try to convince you to go home for a shower and some sleep,” Joseph says casually.

 

Sleep and a shower sound amazing right now, and even though Sebastian isn’t eager to leave Stefano, the knowledge that Joseph would stay with him and that Stefano won’t be able to talk to him for several more hours does make the prospect of taking a break more tempting.  What is even more tempting than that is the prospect of going to Slade’s house.  “I don’t know,” Sebastian replies with a smile.  “I might be able to be convinced.”

 

Joseph scrutinizes his face with a shrewd eye, then sighs.  “You’re going to go to Slade’s, aren’t you?”

 

Sebastian must look surprised, because Joseph laughs.  “You can’t lie to me, Seb.  I know you too well.”

 

Sebastian refrains from pointing out that he did successfully lie to Joseph a couple of times just in the course of this last investigation and instead says.  “Somebody needs to check it out.  If Mobius has caught wind of what happened at Beacon- and I’m sure they have-, we probably don’t have much time to get our next lead.”

 

“So you’ll go to Slade’s and then you’ll go home for some rest?” Joseph says hopefully.

 

“I’ll go to Slade’s and see where things go from there,” Sebastian offers.  Joseph opens his mouth to protest, but Sebastian cuts him off.  “Look, I’ll do my best to get home at some point.  What about you?  How long have you been on shift?”

 

“I… well…” Joseph fumbles his words, but that’s enough to tell Sebastian what he needs to know.

 

“You’re not even on duty,” he says.  “You’ve just been looking for me for twenty-four hours.”

 

Joseph nods.

 

“Are you okay to stay here for a few more?” Sebastian asks, suddenly concerned that he is asking a lot of Joseph, who hasn’t gotten much more rest in the past couple days than he has himself.

 

“Of course,” Joseph says.  “And I didn’t just go through all of that STEM stuff, so I’m in a much better position to watch Stefano than you are right now.”

 

“Alright,” Sebastian agrees.  “I’m going to go to Slade’s, but when I get back I need to hear about this brilliant investigation.  I still can’t believe you found me.”

 

“You didn’t make it easy,” Joseph replies.  “And be careful at Slade’s.  Just scope it out.  If there’s anyone there, we’ll need to come back in force.”

 

“Yeah, you’re right,” Sebastian says.  Of course ‘in force’ in this situation really means with Joseph and possibly Banks, but it’s still a much better idea than trying to take on Slade and his remaining men by himself.  “If there’s any activity there, I’ll call one of you guys.”

 

He stands and takes one more look into the operating room.  Stefano is slightly more visible now, though he’s hooked up to so many machines that it’s still impossible to tell anything about his condition.  Sebastian turns and heads for the lobby, then out into the early morning light.

 

It’s just after dawn, which is probably a good thing, because if there is ever a quiet time at Slade’s it would be now.  He finds his jeep parked in the law enforcement parking area near the emergency entrance and gets in.  He’s feeling almost back to normal now that he has some fluids and food in him, though he can tell that when he gets a chance to sleep he’s going to crash hard.  He can’t sleep yet though.  He needs to get an update on Slade and take him into custody if that’s even an option, and he needs to check back on Stefano.

 

His mind is already reeling as he heads for Calvert Street, but he takes a deep breath and refocuses, because he needs to be at the top of his game now.  He doesn’t want to actually park on Slade’s block, since Slade undoubtedly knows his vehicle by now, but even as he pulls up to the curb on one of the cross-streets, he can see that there is activity in the 600 block of Calvert.  For one thing, it looks like the road is blocked off, and there are several uniformed men and women standing around the barrier.

 

Sebastian parks and gets out of the jeep.  He approaches with caution, because he doesn’t know who these people are, whether they are associated with Slade or Mobius or KCPD, and whether there is any chance that they’ll recognize him as a threat.  As he edges closer along the sidewalk, trying not to arouse suspicion, he catches sight of a large truck behind the barrier with the words ‘Department of Health’ stamped on the side of it, and that’s when he notices that the men and women around the barrier are wearing face masks and other protective equipment.

 

It looks like a containment area for some kind of disease outbreak, and maybe it is, but Sebastian is skeptical.  It seems much more likely that this is a cover for Mobius to dispose of any remaining evidence at Slade’s house.  The buildings on this street are all abandoned, so there are no property owners to complain about the barricade, and the threat of a contagious disease would keep any curious bystanders away.

 

Sebastian is becoming more and more aware of how much he stands out simply by being the only person around, so he goes back to the jeep and gets in.  His first instinct is to call Joseph, but of course his cell phone is still dead, so he has to fumble with the cord for his car charger and plug it in before he can power it on.  While he’s waiting for the battery to replenish, he drives around the block, only to find that the other end of the 600 block of Calvert is also blocked.  He can’t see much, but there seems to be activity all up and down the street, and Sebastian is almost certain that they are going in and out of Slade’s building.

 

He picks up the phone and calls Joseph.  “Hey,” he says when Joseph answers.  “How’s Stefano?”

 

“He’s in the ICU- unconscious but stable,” Joseph replies.  “What did you find out?”

 

“The whole block is closed,” Sebastian replies.  “The trucks say ‘Health Department’ but it has to be part of Mobius’ cover up.  When was the last time you saw the Health Department out here for anything?”

 

“That does sound strange,” Joseph agrees.

 

“I can’t get anywhere near the house though,” Sebastian says.  “The street is full of people, and if it is Mobius then someone’s going to recognize me for sure.  Besides, if Slade was here, he’s either long gone or well-protected.”

 

“You’re right,” Joseph replies.  “It’s not worth the risk.  I wouldn’t try to get any closer until things settle down.  Can you go home and rest or do you think they have your place staked out?”

 

“I don’t know,” Sebastian says.  “I’ll swing by and see what it looks like.  If it’s quiet over there, maybe I can at least grab a shower before I come back.  If you’re still okay over there, I mean.”  Much as Sebastian doesn’t want to be separated from Stefano for long, he is starting to become very aware of the fact that the last time he showered was quite a few days ago.

 

“Yes, by all means,” Joseph says.  “Take a shower and get a nap if you can.  Banks is tied up with the bureaucratic stuff right now, so you’re on duty to sit with Stefano next, and I think you’re going to want to be awake for that.”

 

“Yeah, good point,” Sebastian says grudgingly.  It doesn’t hurt that his body is urging him to take that nap as well.  He says goodbye to Joseph and heads for home.

 

It’s strange to think about it that way, because this house has never felt like home to him.  He and Myra moved there after the fire, but it always felt like a temporary residence- a place where he wasn’t entirely at peace.  He’s not sure if anything has actually changed, or if it just sounds more appealing after spending so much time in motels and Slade’s house and STEM, but he actually feels a little burst of relief when he rounds the corner and sees that nothing is amiss at the house.

 

He parks in the driveway and makes his way to the front door.  He is so full of thoughts of Stefano and Slade and Mobius that this time when he approaches the door, he doesn’t smell the smoke, doesn’t hear the crackle of phantom flames.  He just unlocks the door, opens it, and steps over the threshold into his living room.

 

Nothing is out of place here either, and he turns and locks the door behind him.  When he’s home by himself he usually doesn’t bother with the lock, but it seems like a good idea now since he doesn’t know who may still be targeting him.  It has occurred to him that even though Ruvik is presumably done with him, Mobius may still have some kind of interest in him.  Of course, if that’s the case, then a standard deadbolt is probably not going to stop them from getting to him.

 

Sebastian makes his way into the bedroom, ignoring how inviting his bed looks to remove his gun and holster.  He sets them on the dresser before he finishes undressing and throws his clothes in the hamper.  He heads into the bathroom and starts the shower water, taking a moment to look at himself in the mirror.

 

He looks exactly as he did before, and that is somehow surprising because he feels like a completely different person, feels like he has aged fifty years in the last week.  He is not the same man who left this house the last time, and he isn’t sure if he will ever be that man again.  Equally surprising is that he bears no marks of the things that happened in STEM.  His leg shows no injury from the bear trap, and as he raises his hands to feel the back of his head, he is relieved to find that his hair and scalp are as intact as ever.  It still makes him shudder to think about Ruvik cutting him open and poking around in his brain, but at least he can tell himself that it wasn’t real.

 

He steps into the tub, pulling the shower curtain closed behind him, and the warm water feels amazing on his sore muscles.  His mind briefly returns to the time Stefano offered to massage him in the motel room, because he could surely use one now.  Of course, at that time he was too shy and confused about what he was feeling to take Stefano up on his offer.

 

Sebastian sighs and begins to wash his hair, because he’s been avoiding thinking too much about his relationship with Stefano, but now that they are out of STEM and out of immediate danger, and now that the investigation is temporarily stalled, he is running out of excuses.

 

Clearly he feels something very powerful for Stefano, and it’s not at all unlike what he felt he for Myra, but he’s never had these kind of feelings for a man before.  It should make him uncomfortable to have them at all, but the truly strange thing is that being with Stefano, kissing and touching Stefano, felt right and comfortable and not at all like anything bad.  Sebastian has never felt derisive or judgmental toward men who love other men, but he never thought he’d be one of them.

 

However, maybe it’s not really that strange.  Sebastian can count on one hand the number of people he’s really, truly been attracted to in his life, and Myra was the only one before Stefano that he’s ever felt so strongly about, so perhaps he’s always had the capacity to be attracted to men and just never met the right one.  Or maybe Stefano is just the kind of special person who can override all of his ideas about who he is and who he is attracted to.

 

When he finishes washing up and shuts off the water, he doesn’t exactly feel as though he’s made any progress in sorting this out, though he does feel strangely more at ease with it.  Of course, there is the major concern that he is still married to Myra, that some small part of him is still hung up on Myra even though he knows that he’ll almost certainly never see her again.  This business with Mobius has all but cemented that.

 

It hurts to think that Myra is caught up in all of this.  Hell, it hurts to think about Myra at all, but Sebastian can’t begin to wrap his mind around what Myra would be doing with Mobius, why Myra would allow Mobius to use Sebastian as a test subject.  Of course, it’s possible that she didn’t have much choice in the matter, but it still seems like Mobius had privileged information about Sebastian, information that only Myra would have known.

 

He starts to towel off as he tries to think this through, because there are so many intersecting paths to follow up here.  Clearly he was chosen for the experiment specifically, though the reason for that is not as obvious as he had originally thought.  If the reason he was chosen was because his mind could be manipulated to accept Ruvik’s, then he must have been chosen by Ruvik- not Mobius.  If Ruvik’s plan had gone to completion, then he would have escaped STEM, which can’t have been what Mobius wanted.

 

Sebastian finishes drying off and brings a hand to his face.  None of this makes sense.  There has to be some other reason Mobius wanted him in the experiment, or some explanation for how Ruvik manipulated Mobius into choosing him, but he’s too tired to process all of it right now.  He hates to admit it, but Joseph was probably right about him getting some sleep.

 

He plugs in his phone to charge and sets an alarm for four hours.  Hopefully after that he’ll be more alert and he can get back to hospital and relieve Joseph.  That’s the last coherent thought he has before he collapses onto his bed.

 

His sleep is deep and dreamless, and it’s his phone that wakes him up.  He fumbles for it, then realizes that it’s the ringer going off and not the alarm.

 

“Hello?” he mumbles once he manages to answer the call.

 

“Sebastian, it’s Joseph.”  Joseph is speaking clearly and calmly, but there’s an undercurrent of urgency in his voice.  “Can you get down here?  Stefano is coming out of the sedatives earlier than expected.  He’s alright, but I think he’s really scared.”  Joseph pauses.  “I promised him you were on your way.  It was the only way I could get him to calm down.”

 

Sebastian is suddenly wide awake.  “Yeah, I’m on my way,” he says before hanging up the phone.  He practically leaps out of bed and fumbles in his dresser for a clean T-shirt and jeans.  He replaces his gun and holster inside his waistband and actually has the presence of mind to grab his phone charger along with his wallet and keys before he runs out the door.  If Stefano needs him, he is sure as hell going to be there.

 

 

 


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He turns his attention back to the man in the bed, and he can’t help smiling. As hard as it is to see Stefano in this condition, there have been so many times in recent hours and days when he was afraid he would never see Stefano alive in the real world again. There are about a hundred things he needs to say to Stefano, and even more things that he wants to say to him, but he can’t form any of them into words, so he simply says, “Hi.”

 

 

Sebastian can guess at least part of why Stefano is so upset immediately upon setting foot outside.  The late morning sunlight has been overtaken by an early afternoon storm, and the thunder rumbles above him as he dashes to the jeep in the pelting rain.  He dives inside and starts the engine before he realizes with a frown that there is an envelope taped to the steering wheel.  It’s weird and out of place and completely inexplicable, but he needs to get to the hospital to see Stefano, so he shoves it into his back pocket for the time being.

 

He probably breaks quite a few traffic laws on the way back to the hospital, but apparently all of the emergency personnel in Krimson are tied up in whatever is going on at Slade’s house, because he manages to avoid being pulled over by a member of his own department, which would have been a little awkward.  He parks in law enforcement parking again, even though he’s not sure if he’s technically allowed to do that right now, and dashes through the doors of the emergency department and straight to the elevator, leaving several confused-looking staff members in his wake.

 

The elevator takes so long to arrive that he considers just taking the stairs, but the ICU is on the fourth floor, and he’s not sure that his lungs or his legs can handle that many stairs right now.  The elevator ride itself seems to take forever, and he has to restrain himself from sprinting into the ICU once the doors open.  The duty nurse seems to be absorbed in filing her nails, but she raises an eyebrow as he approaches, and he realizes that he must still be looking a little rumpled from his nap.

 

He pulls out his badge to try to give himself some sort of credibility.  “I’m Detective Castellanos,” he begins.  “I’m looking for Detective Oda.”

 

The nurse points down the hallway to his left.  “Room 412,” she says before she goes back to her manicure.  Sebastian is actually frozen in place for a moment, suddenly and painfully reminded of the nurse who was in STEM with him and Ruvik, but he shakes it off, because he needs to get to Stefano and the phantom pains prickling at the back of his skull aren’t going to help him do that.

 

He takes off down the hall, skidding to a stop in front of room 412 and barging in without even knocking.  Joseph turns sharply to face him, his hand going to the pistol at his hip, and Sebastian would be relieved to know that Joseph is taking his duty of protecting Stefano seriously if he wasn’t totally locked in on Stefano himself.

 

Stefano is curled up on his side in the hospital bed with his arms wrapped around himself.  He still has a few plastic tubes running from under his blankets to various machines, but nothing like before when he was so obscured by drapes and surgical equipment that Sebastian couldn’t even see him.  His good eye is wide with what could only be stress and fear, but it is focused on Sebastian, and Sebastian is pretty sure that the corner of his mouth twitches a little when they make eye contact.

 

Sebastian turns to Joseph.  “Thank you,” he says earnestly, because there is no one else he would have trusted to keep Stefano safe.  “We probably need a few minutes to catch up.  Do you want to go get a coffee or some food?”

 

“Sure,” Joseph replies easily.  “Just text me if you need anything.”  He’s out of his chair and out of the room in seconds, pulling the door closed behind him, and Sebastian appreciates once again what an amazing partner Joseph is.  He knows when he needs to be here and also when he needs to not be here, and that kind of intuition is invaluable.  He’s not sure if there’s ever going to be anything big enough that he can do to make this up to Joseph, but he’s going to have to think of something.  Right now though his priority is Stefano.

 

He turns his attention back to the man in the bed, and he can’t help smiling.  As hard as it is to see Stefano in this condition, there have been so many times in recent hours and days when he was afraid he would never see Stefano alive in the real world again.  There are about a hundred things he needs to say to Stefano, and even more things that he wants to say to him, but he can’t form any of them into words, so he simply says, “Hi.”

 

Stefano gives him a weak smile and beckons him closer.  It looks like it takes a tremendous effort just to move his fingers, so Sebastian forgoes the chair entirely and just kneels down right next to the bed, bringing his face a foot or so from Stefano’s.

 

“Always so eloquent,” Stefano whispers, and it takes Sebastian a second to realize that Stefano is poking fun at him.  He laughs, because it’s such a relief to see the side of Stefano that can be a little sarcastic- the side that isn’t fixated on self-preservation.  He’s about to answer when the thunder crashes outside and Stefano visibly flinches, his eye going wide again.

 

“Hey,” Sebastian says quietly, trying to get his attention back.  “It’s okay.”  He desperately wants to put his hands on Stefano, but he isn’t sure where he can touch that isn’t painful or hooked up to some kind of machine.  “Can I…?”  He lets his hand hover in the air over Stefano’s shoulder for a moment.

 

“No,” Stefano whispers, and Sebastian pulls his hand back.  “…not enough,” Stefano adds, and Sebastian looks at him in confusion.  “Come up here with me… please.”

 

“I don’t think the nurses are going to like that,” Sebastian says, glancing up over Stefano to eyeball the bed.  There’s definitely enough room for him, and all of Stefano’s tubes and machines seem to be located on the one side, so it’s not a ridiculous idea, but he’s pretty sure that he’s going to get yelled at if they get caught.  Of course, that’s a small price to pay for being able to be so close to Stefano, and more importantly for being able to give Stefano what he wants.

 

“Okay, fine,” he mutters, “but if we get caught I’m telling them it was your idea.”

 

Stefano gives another weak smile as Sebastian rises to his feet and circles to the other side of the bed, easing onto it to lie behind Stefano.  “Is this okay?” he asks, as he scoots in close so that his front is pressed to Stefano’s back.  “I’m not hurting you?”

 

Stefano doesn’t answer, and Sebastian realizes that he is shaking a little.  He starts to wrap an arm around Stefano before he realizes that might not be a good idea, but Stefano has already caught his hand and laid it on his chest.  Sebastian is tense at first, trying to stay absolutely still to avoid jostling Stefano in any way that might cause him pain, but within seconds, Stefano is relaxing against him, and it’s hard to be too tense when Stefano’s whole body is pressed up against his.

 

Stefano’s shaking is subsiding, and Sebastian lets his head come to rest on the pillow behind Stefano’s.  His instinct is to place a kiss at the back of Stefano’s neck, but he restrains himself.  He wants to let Stefano set the pace here.  Clearly Stefano needs physical comfort and he is hopefully getting that from Sebastian’s embrace, but Sebastian doesn’t want to do anything that would send mixed signals or make Stefano think that his intentions are less than honorable.

 

“It’s alright,” Sebastian murmurs.  “I’ve got you, and I’m not going to let anything happen to you this time.”

 

“Slade?” Stefano whispers.  It sounds like he is about to try to say more, but every word seems to require so much effort, and Sebastian doesn’t want him to exhaust himself.  Besides, he’s pretty sure that he can guess most of Stefano’s concerns.

 

“Don’t talk right now,” he says quietly.  “Just listen.”  Stefano nods.

 

“I don’t know where Slade is right now,” Sebastian explains.  “I went to check out his house and the whole block was shut down.  I’m sure Mobius had something to do with it, but I couldn’t get close enough to figure out what was going on.”  He pauses.  “I’m sorry.  I wish I could tell you more, but I can tell you that you’re safe.  Joseph and Banks are on our side now.  They know about Slade and Mobius, and we’re not going to leave you alone for a second, okay?  You’re not going back to him- ever.”

 

Sebastian can tell that his voice is getting a littler harsh toward the end, but the idea of Stefano going back to Slade still fills him with anger, and it’s even harder knowing that Stefano would probably do just that if he could.

 

Stefano clears his throat and tries to speak again.  “Slade will… he will tell…”

 

“If I find him first, he won’t be telling anybody anything,” Sebastian says flatly.  “And if he does, we’ll have to deal with that when the time comes.”  He sighs, because he wishes he had a better answer for Stefano on this.  It must be terrible for him to live with this fear hanging over him.  There is a small voice in Sebastian’s head that reminds him that Stefano could have avoided all of this if he simply hadn’t killed Emily, but it is quickly silenced when Stefano speaks again.

 

“Riker?” he whispers.

 

“Dead,” Sebastian replies, not bothering to hide the satisfaction in his voice.  “He’ll never hurt you again.  Jimenez and Jackson are dead too.”

 

“Are you alright?”  Stefano asks.

 

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Sebastian says with a smile.  It’s hard to imagine why Stefano would ask him this, but then Sebastian remembers that the last time Stefano saw him he had just undergone Ruvik’s impromptu brain surgery.  “What about you?  How do you feel?”

 

“Hurts,” Stefano whispers, and Sebastian wants to hold him tighter, to run his hands over him and take his pain away, but of course he can’t do any of those things, and Stefano is probably in for a long recovery.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Sebastian murmurs.  “I can ask about turning up your pain medication.”

 

Stefano shakes his head.  “Just need to rest,” he says.

 

“Then rest,” Sebastian replies.  Stefano nods and settles back into Sebastian’s arms again, and his breathing starts to slow down almost immediately, becoming deep and even.  Sebastian catches himself dozing off once or twice, which he absolutely cannot do if he’s supposed to be guarding Stefano, so he starts talking quietly to keep himself awake.  Presumably he’s talking to Stefano, though it’s really more to himself since Stefano seems to be so deeply asleep.

 

He talks about his worries about his job and Joseph and Banks’ jobs, about finding Slade and stopping Mobius, about Myra and what her involvement in all of this might be.  He talks about Myra and Lily, how hard Lily’s death and Myra’s departure has been on him, how confused he still is about his new feelings for Stefano.  He’s not sure that he’s making progress on anything, but it does feel somehow therapeutic to say some of these things out loud, even to someone who can’t hear him.

 

After what must be a half hour or so, there is a quiet knock on the door, and Sebastian lifts his head to see Joseph easing the door open with his shoulder because he has a coffee in each hand.  He does raise an eyebrow at the way Sebastian is in the bed with Stefano, but to his credit, he doesn’t say anything.  Sebastian is quiet as well for fear of waking Stefano, who undoubtedly needs all the sleep he can get at this point.

 

Joseph looks at his watch and whispers to Sebastian.  “They’re going to be coming in to check his vitals in a minute.”

 

“Shit,” Sebastian mutters.  He hates the idea of leaving Stefano, both because he wants to be here to comfort him and because he is finding it incredibly comforting himself to lie here with Stefano in his arms, but he’s sure that the staff nurses aren’t going to be happy at all if they find him in Stefano’s bed.  He carefully slides his arm from around Stefano’s chest and tries to slither off the bed in a way that won’t be disruptive to Stefano’s sleep.

 

It must look pretty silly, because by the time he has both feet back on the floor, Joseph is smothering a laugh behind his hand.  “Reminds me of right after Lily was born,” he says quietly as Sebastian takes a seat next to him.  “You and her and Myra all in the same hospital bed.”  He looks thoughtful as he hands one of the coffees to Sebastian.  “You know, that’s probably why the staff watches you so closely every time you’re here.”

 

“Apparently not closely enough,” Sebastian says just as the door swings open and a nurse comes in.

 

“Still asleep?” she asks as she goes to Stefano’s side to check the readings on the machines.

 

“He was up and talking to us for a little while,” Joseph volunteers, “but just for a few minutes.”

 

The nurse nods, then goes to the foot of Stefano’s bed to make a note on his chart.  “Just make sure he stays calm.  Don’t do anything to get him riled up again like earlier.”

 

“Understood,” Joseph replies, and the nurse flashes him a smile and leaves the room.

 

“What happened earlier?” Sebastian asks, taking a sip of his coffee.  It’s probably just regular hospital cafeteria coffee, but it tastes incredible.

 

“He just woke up very suddenly and very afraid,” Joseph says, brow furrowing in what Sebastian interprets as sympathy.  “He said he needed to leave and go somewhere.  He was actually trying to disconnect himself from the machines, but when I told him you were coming he calmed down a bit.”

 

“Thank you,” Sebastian says.  “I was afraid something like that would happen, so I’m glad you were here.  And I guess I should have introduced you guys earlier.”

 

“No need,” Joseph replies.  “We had a nice talk while you were on your way here- no heavy stuff.  Actually, he had a lot of questions about you.”

 

“Like what?” Sebastian asks before he takes another long drink of coffee.

 

“Just about your life and your family and what it was like to work with you,” Joseph says with a knowing smile.  “I would say that he considers you two to be… close as well.”

 

“Oh,” Sebastian says with a smile.  He’s also pretty sure that he’s blushing a little bit, but it’s nice to know that Stefano was thinking about him, even when he has much more serious things to be worrying about.  “Speaking of being close, how long do you think we have before the nurse comes back in?”

 

“They’ve been checking on the hour,” Joseph says.  “So as long as no alarms go off before that, then you should have some time.”

 

“Let’s hope so,” Sebastian says.  He stands up and finishes his coffee in one large gulp, because he needs to be alert right now.  “And if you want to go home and get some rest, I’ve got this.”

 

“I might in a little bit,” Joseph replies, but then he frowns.  “What’s this sticking out of your pocket?” he asks Sebastian.

 

Sebastian reaches for his back pocket and finds the envelope that was taped to his steering wheel earlier.  He’d completely forgotten about it until now.  He pulls it out of his pocket and holds it in front of him.  “This was in my car when I came out to drive here,” he tells Joseph.  “My locked car,” he adds.

 

He starts to open the envelope, but Joseph interrupts.  “Wait,” he says sharply before standing up himself and grabbing a pair of gloves from a box on the counter.  He offers them to Sebastian.  “Just in case,” he explains.

 

Sebastian doesn’t have the heart to tell Joseph that he’s already handled this enough that any viable prints on it are likely to be his, so he pulls on the gloves and opens the envelope.  There is a single sheet of folded paper inside, and the moment Sebastian unfolds it he recognizes Myra’s handwriting.  It’s so distinctive that he would know it anywhere.

 

_Sebastian,_

_I’ve taken care of your little problem, and you should know that you and Stefano are of no further interest to my employers.  If your investigation stops here, then you will not see any more of them.  If you continue to pursue them, I cannot guarantee your safety._

_Do not try to contact me.  We will not speak again._

_Myra_

Sebastian finishes reading, then turns the letter to show it to Joseph.  Joseph’s mouth falls open as he reads, and Sebastian is sure that his own mouth is hanging open as well.  Even though he already knew there was a connection between Myra and Mobius, it’s still shocking to read this.  A small part of him feels some satisfaction that at least now Joseph will have to acknowledge that he’s not crazy for thinking Myra was involved with Mobius.

 

Just seeing Myra’s handwriting for the first time in years makes Sebastian feel like the wind has been knocked out of him, and it drives home the point that she really left him, that she is really gone, and that she apparently never wants to see him again, and even though Sebastian should have known all of this already, it hurts.  It’s not even like salt being rubbed in an old wound; it’s as though the scab has been ripped off a wound that never healed properly in the first place.  Myra’s tone is so cold, and even though she purports to be trying to help him and Stefano, it leaves him feeling empty.

 

When Sebastian has taken a few deep breaths and managed to control his initial reaction to seeing the message from Myra, he starts actually trying to process the content of the message, and that doesn’t make him feel much better.  Clearly the connection between Myra and Mobius is real and substantial enough that she is able to make a representation about whether Mobius will seek out Sebastian and Stefano, and that almost creates more questions than it answers.  He still doesn’t understand how Myra came into contact with Mobius in the first place or why she decided to work for them or if she’s doing it voluntarily.

 

He supposes that it is some kind of relief to hear that Mobius is willing to leave him and Stefano alone if they choose not to pursue Mobius themselves.  One of his top priorities right now is keeping Stefano safe, and if Mobius won’t be coming after them, then that is a substantial improvement over the situation they could be in.  Of course, that assumes that Myra is in a position to know that this is the case and is telling them the truth.  Sebastian likes to think that Myra would be honest with him, but the fact that she’s been working for Mobius all this time, that she allowed Sebastian to be taken into STEM or at least didn’t do anything to stop it, makes Sebastian wonder if she truly cares about him, if she ever cared about him at all.  There is pain now and anger, but it’s still better than the crushing emptiness of a few moments before.

 

He glances up at Joseph, who has been politely waiting to speak.  “What ‘little problem’ is she talking about?” Joseph asks.

 

“I don’t know,” Sebastian replies, because right now, none of their problems seem particularly little.  Even if Myra is being sarcastic, as she often was, Sebastian can’t think of any problem they have right now that would have a simple solution.  It’s possible that Myra had to take some action to keep Mobius from coming after them and she’s talking about that, but it’s still a strange way to word it.

 

Sebastian looks at the letter, frowning as he reads it to himself again.  “I really don’t know,” he says finally.  “Maybe with some more time to think, I can figure it out, but it’s just…”  He doesn’t know how to explain to Joseph everything that this letter makes him feel, and luckily he doesn’t have to.

 

Joseph takes him by the shoulders.  “Then give it some time,” he says, staring right into Sebastian’s eyes as thought to make sure that Sebastian knows he is on the same page.  “You’ll figure everything out.”

 

Sebastian nods, though he’s surprised to find that there are tears in his eyes.  He blinks them back as he replaces the letter in the envelope, folds the envelope, and places it back in his pocket.  Joseph doesn’t protest this, so he must not see any evidentiary value in preserving the letter.  Sebastian doesn’t either.  He knows who sent it, and he also knows that they’re not going to learn any more about Mobius from it.  If Mobius is as powerful as they seem to be, he and Joseph probably won’t be able to get close to them even if they try.  Whether to try or not is a question for another day, because Sebastian’s exhaustion is hitting him full force again, and a cup of coffee isn’t going to be enough to stop it.

 

“Why don’t you lie down for a little while,” Joseph suggests.  “I’ll wake you up before the nurse comes back.”

 

Sebastian pulls Joseph into a hug, because even though they’re close, have been close for basically Joseph’s whole career, Sebastian is pretty sure he doesn’t express that enough.  “Thank you,” he says as he releases Joseph and steps back.  “I think I’ll do that.”

 

He does feel a tiny bit self-conscious as he approaches the bed, but what Joseph said earlier is true.  He was here after Lily’s birth, and he’s been there for some of Sebastian’s most vulnerable moments, so this really shouldn’t be anything new for him.  He takes off his shoes this time, and slowly creeps up behind Stefano, trying his best not to wake him, but Stefano stirs slightly as Sebastian settles in behind him.

 

He turns toward Sebastian, his mouth twitching into a smile at first before his face contorts into a grimace of pain.  He groans out loud, and Sebastian feels the panic welling up inside him, because Stefano is hurting and he needs to do something to stop it.  His hands are on Stefano immediately, guiding him carefully back onto his side and wrapping around his chest.

 

“Sorry,” Sebastian murmurs, as he arranges himself behind Stefano.  They’re basically spooning now, though Sebastian is very aware of all of the medical equipment and tubing, so his touch is very light and his hands are only resting where Stefano placed them earlier.  “Is that better?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano sighs.  “Just need to stay still.  Hard to remember that.”  He lets his weight rest back against Sebastian.

 

“It’s alright,” Sebastian says quietly.  “Just relax, and if you need anything, let me or Joseph know.  We’re here to help.”

 

Stefano nods, and Sebastian can tell by the way his breathing is slowing that he’s going back to sleep.  It’s probably merciful that he’s spending more time asleep at this point.  He’s clearly in pain, and if he’s been off of Slade’s drugs for a few days already, he’s probably going to be dealing with significant withdrawal symptoms pretty soon.

 

Sebastian sighs, letting his fingers gently stroke Stefano’s chest, because the drug withdrawal in itself is not going to be easy.  Even though coming off of cocaine is usually less intense than quitting some other recreational drugs, it’s certainly not going to make Stefano feel any better.  Sebastian can only hope that it may be somewhat easier because Stefano is going to be experiencing a major lifestyle change, and one that might eliminate the reasons he started using in the first place.

 

Stefano has said multiple times that the drug use started while he was working for Slade as a coping mechanism for servicing clients in ways that were painful or humiliating for him.  If he’s not being forced to perform those kind of acts, if he doesn’t need that escape from his real life, then hopefully he at least won’t consciously want to take the drugs.  His body is still going to demand them for at least a couple of weeks, so the hospital might be the right place for him to be right now anyway.

 

Sebastian raises his head slightly.  “Joseph?” he whispers.

 

“What?” Joseph whispers back, leaning forward.

 

“How long did they say they’re going to want to keep him in the hospital?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Three or four days on ICU to make sure there’s no infection or sepsis, and then probably another week after that.  They don’t want to release him until his sutures are out and they’re confident that he’s healing.  Apparently his injuries were severe,” Joseph replies, still keeping his voice down.

 

Sebastian nods, letting his head come to rest on the pillow behind Stefano’s.  He feels like absolute shit for letting Riker do all of that to Stefano without stepping in, but it is some comfort to know that at least Stefano is getting competent care now and can hopefully ride out his withdrawal symptoms in the hospital.  It also means that he’s going to end up spending a lot of time at the hospital himself for the next couple of weeks, but all things considered, that’s not such a bad thing.

 

He relaxes into the bed and into Stefano, although he is very careful not to put any weight on him or move his hands to any places where they might not be welcome.  Stefano mostly smells like the hospital now, but there is still a hint of Myra’s shampoo under there, and he inhales it deeply as his mind begins to wander.

 

He wonders if he and Joseph and Banks are going to be fired and if they’ll keep searching for Mobius.  He wonders if it’s worth it to keep searching for Myra, or if he should just let that part of his life go.  Myra certainly seems to have let go of him.

 

Stefano, on the other hand, is warm in his arms and sleeping peacefully, and that leads his mind to more pleasant thoughts.  He wonders if Stefano will come to stay with him after the hospital, if maybe his house has a chance of becoming a home again.  He wonders if they’ll be able to curl up together like this at night, because it is so wonderful to be able to hold someone while he sleeps.  He knows he’s making some big assumptions.  Maybe Stefano won’t want to be with him now that he’s back in control of his own life or maybe he won’t be enough for Stefano, as old and tired and empty as he is after two years of loneliness.  But maybe, just maybe, things will work out, and he drifts off to sleep with that thought in his head and a faint smile on his face.

 

 

 

 

“Sebastian.”  Joseph’s voice is sharp and it snaps him out of his sleep immediately, because Joseph’s tone is deadly serious.  His eyes fly open, but he manages to control himself enough to not sit bolt upright and jostle Stefano.  He lifts his head enough to see Joseph and realizes that Joseph is pointing at the TV, which is on at a low volume on the wall across from the bed.  He shifts carefully onto his back, and has to restrain himself from leaping out of bed when he sees a picture of Slade’s face.  He recognizes Slade’s mugshot from a few years ago- the same one he showed Stefano during the interview.

 

Joseph turns up the volume a little so that Sebastian can hear the newscaster.  “…body was recovered in an industrial park off of Harrison Street.  The medical examiner has not yet issued a finding on the cause of death, but anecdotal reports indicate that Slade died of a single gunshot wound.”

 

“Holy shit,” Sebastian mutters.  The newscaster moves on to another story, and Joseph shuts off the TV.

 

“Do you think that’s what Myra was talking about?” Joseph whispers.  His eyes are fixed on Sebastian with an intensity that he usually reserves for the really tough cases.

 

“Oh my god,” Sebastian breathes, because there is a very good chance that this is exactly what Myra was talking about.

 

 

 


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I want to be able to think clearly,” Stefano says. “I feel that I am just not quite able to do that at the moment.”
> 
>  
> 
> “You’ll be able to soon,” Sebastian replies. “Once you’re feeling better, they’ll wean you off the pain medication, but in the meantime, they just want you to be comfortable… I just want you to be comfortable.”
> 
>  
> 
> Stefano’s hand finds his hip and gives him a pat. “You are too kind, Sebastian.”
> 
>  
> 
> “No,” Sebastian says. “Nothing is too kind for you, not after what you’ve been through.”

 

 

Sebastian stays motionless in bed beside Stefano for several more minutes while he and Joseph gawk at each other.  He can’t think of anything else to say, partly because he doesn’t want to say anything that might be interpreted as incriminating Myra and partly because he is utterly shocked.  He is convinced now that Slade was the ‘little problem’ Myra talked about in her letter, and his brain is frantically trying to find some way to construe Slade’s death as something other than murder.

 

Joseph’s phone buzzes, and Sebastian reflexively glares at him before quickly checking to make sure Stefano is still asleep.  Joseph just looks amused and steps out into the hallway to take the call.  Sebastian turns his attention to Stefano again.  He is still curled up on his side, head barely resting on the edge of the pillow, and he looks so small, so diminished from the man Sebastian met on the prostitution sting so many days ago.

 

Of course, Stefano has been through a lot in the intervening time, but Sebastian has to acknowledge that Stefano was also dealing with a lot when they first met.  He doesn’t know whether it was desperation for money or drugs or the need to appease Slade or some sort of cry for help that caused Stefano to get into his car, which is a dangerous endeavor for a sex worker, but he’s so relieved that he was the one who arrested Stefano that night.  He wishes he could say that all of this was over, but it’s clearly not.  It may never be truly over for either one of them, but at least Stefano can rest now.

 

Sebastian briefly considers waking him up to tell him about Slade, but Stefano is sleeping so soundly, and even though learning Slade’s fate might bring him some peace of mind, it can wait until he’s awake.  Stefano doesn’t need any more pain than he’s already experienced, and Sebastian is afraid that for the next few days, his waking hours aren’t going to be very pleasant.

 

Sebastian is propped up on one elbow, but his other hand is resting lightly at Stefano’s waist.  He wants to wrap his arm around Stefano again, to give him more of the physical comfort he was seeking earlier, but it just doesn’t seem like a good idea right now if there’s a chance that Stefano will wake up and be in pain.

 

The door swings open as Joseph comes back into the room.  “That was Banks,” he says.  “He called the medical examiner to follow up on Riker and Jimenez, and the ME went right into talking about Slade.  Apparently they’re having a busy day over there.”

 

Sebastian has to stifle a laugh, because he is willing to bet this is the busiest day the ME’s office has had in a while.  Even in a decent-size city like Krimson, three unexplained deaths in the space of a few hours is noteworthy.  “What did they say about Slade?” he whispers.

 

“Single gunshot wound to the back of the head,” Joseph says, face going very serious.

 

“Damn…” Sebastian breathes.  He holds Joseph’s gaze, and neither one of them has to speak to know what the other is thinking.  That wasn’t just a murder.  That was an execution.

 

Joseph nods and adjusts his glasses uncomfortably before he speaks again, keeping his voice low.  “I’m sure you’ve got a lot to think about, but I’m feeling a little more confident that you guys are safe for the time being.”

 

“I guess so,” Sebastian replies, though it’s hard to come off of the high-alert status he’s been on lately.  “Although I’m not sure it’s safe to assume that Mobius isn’t interested in us anymore, no matter what Myra said.  I… I don’t know what to think right now.”  Specifically, he’s not sure what to think about Myra right now, so he fumbles for another subject.

 

“You were going to tell me how you tracked me down,” he says hopefully, and Joseph’s face breaks into a smile.

 

“Right, I was,” he says.  “This is going to sound a little silly at first, but I had a sense that something was up that morning I texted you the lab number for the sample.  You didn’t text back at all- not even a thank you- and at first I thought you were just busy, but then I couldn’t figure out what you’d be so busy doing when you were supposedly on leave.”

 

Sebastian nods, because it’s just like Joseph to read a lot into a simple thing, but he’s still not sure how this is going to explain how Joseph knew he was in trouble.

 

“I got busy with work for the rest of the day shift, and I didn’t realize until late that night that you’d never texted me back at all.  I knew you were dealing with a lot, and I wanted to give you some space, so I decided to hold off on contacting you again until the next day.  But remember that Banks had me taking over your cases, so on my next shift I was pulling the jail calls for all of your recent arrests, which is how I ended up listening to a call between one ‘Stefano Valentini’ and another man, and let me tell you, it was one of the most disturbing jail calls I’ve ever heard.”

 

“What do you mean?” Sebastian asks, his eyes narrowing, because he’s still feeling a little protective of Stefano, even from Joseph.

 

“They were talking about you,” Joseph says bluntly.  “The other man was giving Stefano directions about how to interact with you, telling him that he needed to pose as an informant.  It wasn’t clear what their ultimate plan was, but he obviously wanted something from you.”

 

Sebastian nods, because this is all consistent with what he already knows.  It’s a little surprising that Slade and Stefano were discussing this during a monitored jail call, but it’s certainly not the first time a suspect has said something incriminating on a call that they knew was being recorded.

 

“So I was relieved at first that you were on leave, because this didn’t sound like the kind of thing you should be mixed up in, but when I called the jail to request that they record all of Stefano’s in-person visits as well, I was informed that he was out on a contract bond.”  Sebastian nods.  “And of course when I called Hollister to ask about that bond, she told me how highly you spoke of Stefano as an informant,” Joseph continues, “and knowing you, the only conclusion I could reach was that for some reason you’d decided to work with Stefano off the record and with no back-up.”  Joseph raises an eyebrow.

 

“Well, when you say it like that, it doesn’t sound like a very good idea,” Sebastian interjects.

 

“It wasn’t,” Joseph shoots back.  “Even if Slade was just a regular drug dealer, it was a terrible idea, but let me finish.  Once I realized that you were keeping a pretty big secret, I was even more worried, but I still couldn’t access any of your notes from the debrief, because Banks sent them over to Homicide.  I ran the phone number Stefano called from jail through the system, but it kept coming back to some corporation out of state, so I figured it was being spoofed.

 

“I was actually kind of stuck on how to figure out who this other person was until I made a detour through the front waiting room and ran into another one of your friends,” Joseph says, giving Sebastian an expectant look as though he should be able to guess who Joseph is talking about.

 

“Zora?” he asks with a smile.  Joseph nods, and Sebastian’s smile gets wider.  He isn’t sure if Joseph and Zora had met before this and he would have liked to be there to see that.  “Yeah, she’s a trip.”

 

“Well, she was up there demanding to speak to you,” Joseph continues.  “I didn’t catch all of it, but it sounded like she’d had an altercation with a john and came down to try to get her story on the record before he did.  Anyway, I took her aside and told her you weren’t working, but I asked her about Stefano, and she told me she’d seen you recently and filled me in on what you guys talked about.  So then I had Slade’s name and knew that he worked out of the 600 block of Calvert Street.”

 

Sebastian has to interrupt here.  “Is Zora okay?” he asks.  “She didn’t get charged or anything, did she?”

 

“No,” Joseph replies.  “The guy never showed up.  He probably just threatened to report her or something, because I gave her a ride home after we talked.  At that point I was still hoping that maybe you were okay and just busy doing your solo investigation, so I tried sending you a text, but the message just didn’t go through at all.  I had service and everything, and I tried to send it multiple times, but it just bounced back over and over again.  So then I tried to call you, but that’s when things got really weird…”

 

“I’m not sure you can top my story for ‘weird’, but have at it,” Sebastian replies, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Okay, maybe not that weird,” Joseph concedes, “but the phone wasn’t even ringing.  All that was coming through on your end was this high-pitched static noise.  It was awful, like fingernails on a chalkboard, and I tried a couple more times but that was all I could get.”

 

Sebastian doesn’t say anything, but he’s starting to wonder if the noise Joseph heard is what he was hearing at some of those particularly memorable times inside STEM.  It certainly sounds like a similar noise.  It’s also a little disturbing that none of these text message or calls have come through, even now when his phone is charged and apparently working again.  Maybe the STEM signal creates a complete block to outside signals, because that’s the only explanation Sebastian can think of.

 

“When I couldn’t get through to you,” Joseph continues, “I was actually starting to panic a little bit, so I drove down the 600 block of Calvert, but your car wasn’t there.  I thought about going in and asking for Stefano, but I guess I felt like maybe I was overreacting, so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to swing by your house first just to check and see if you were there, and of course you weren’t.  Then I remembered you’d said you were staying in a motel, so I swung by your motel, but your car wasn’t there either-”

 

“Wait,” Sebastian says.  “Did I tell you which motel I was staying at?”

 

There is a long pause before Joseph replies.  “I may have driven by more than one motel, but you weren’t at any of them.”

 

“How many?” Sebastian asks, unable to keep the incredulity out of his voice.

 

“A lot,” Joseph says with a wave of his hand.  Sebastian still wants to know how much time Joseph spent cruising motel parking lots looking for him, but apparently Joseph doesn’t want to share that, because he continues, “So at that point, Slade and Stefano were the only leads I had, and I still wasn’t sure if either one of them was a particularly safe person to deal with.  Zora definitely made Slade out to be the dangerous one, so I went back to Calvert street asking for Stefano in hope that he’d give me a straight answer or at least some information about where you were.”

 

“What time was this?” Sebastian asks, because it now sounds like Joseph was working well into the night.

 

“Eleven PM or so,” Joseph replies, “but the lights were still on, and they answered the door, so I guess it’s a twenty-four hour operation over there.  The guy at the door told me that Stefano wasn’t seeing clients at the moment, and when I pressed him a little, he said that Stefano was in the hospital.  I didn’t ask about you, because I thought it would probably arouse suspicion to bring up your name.”

 

“Yes, it would have,” Sebastian replies, remembering what Stefano said about how Slade and his men handle law enforcement.  “I’m really glad you didn’t.”

 

Joseph nods.  “They seemed like a rough crowd.  I spent the next couple of hours at the three major hospitals in town demanding that they comb their records for Stefano Valentini, or John Doe, or anyone who matched the description of him in the arrest report, but no one could find him, and I was starting to wonder whether the guy at Slade’s house had just lied to me, when I remembered that there was one other hospital.”

 

“Beacon,” Sebastian says, impressed with Joseph’s resourcefulness in realizing that ‘the hospital’ might be interpreted kind of loosely by Slade’s men.

 

“Exactly,” Joseph replies.  “It was a long shot, but I drove by, and when I saw your jeep outside, I almost went in on my own.”  He sighs.  “Maybe I should have.  It would have been faster, but after what I saw at Slade’s, I wasn’t sure what I was going to find in there, so I called Banks and explained everything to him and he said to go ahead and get the SWAT team down there.”

 

“What did you guys do?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Called in a hostage situation across the street,” Joseph replies.  “It was Banks’ idea.  He said he’d been getting a weird vibe from his higher-ups about the whole business with Slade, and he wasn’t sure that we’d get help if we called it in to Beacon directly, so we just pointed them over to the hospital when they arrived.”

 

“Wow,” Sebastian says.  “That’s some nice work from both of you.”  He sighs, because no matter how many times he thanks Joseph, it’s never going to he enough.  “Thanks for looking out for me.  Even if I’d been able to get out of STEM, I’m not sure we would have made it out of the hospital.  Especially…”  He glances down at Stefano.

 

Joseph nods.  “He was in rough shape.  I was pretty sure who he was when I found him at Beacon, but the scar on his face threw me off.  I was a little surprised it hadn’t been documented in his record.  Did he get that working for Slade?”

 

Sebastian nods.  “From Riker, actually.”

 

“Shit,” Joseph mutters.  “Zora said Slade was not a guy you want to work for, but that’s pretty intense.  Maybe we’re better off without him.”

 

“There’s no maybe about it,” Sebastian says firmly.  “We’re definitely better off without him.  I just still need some time to think things through.”

 

“Well if you’re okay to take a shift here, I could use some sleep,” Joseph says.  “So you’ll have plenty of time to think.”

 

“Works for me,” Sebastian says.  All of this new information has him much more alert than before, and he’s not sure he could go back to sleep even if he wanted to.  “How much time do we have before the nurse comes back?”

 

Joseph checks his watch.  “Maybe ten minutes,” he says.  “Stay out of trouble,” he admonishes Sebastian.  “Remember, you’re supposed to be guarding him, not-” Joseph gestures to Sebastian and Stefano on the bed, “-doing whatever that is.”

 

Sebastian laughs.

 

“I’ll text you later,” Joseph says.  “But if you need anything in the meantime, just let me know.  Banks might come by to check on you guys too.”

 

“Thanks,” Sebastian says.  “I think we’ll be okay.”  He certainly hopes they will be.  He’s had enough excitement for one day, and Stefano has probably had enough for a lifetime.  After Joseph has left, Sebastian lowers himself back down to the bed and spends a few more minutes just enjoying being close to Stefano again before he decides it’s probably time to get back in his chair.  If the nurses are already onto him, he doesn’t want to give them any reason to kick him out or worse, to contact KCPD about his behavior.

 

He manages to get out of bed without waking up Stefano and into one of the chairs just a few minutes before the door swings open again.  The nurse who enters is the same one from the last vitals check, and she gives Sebastian an appraising look.  Sebastian doesn’t think he’s seen her before today, but maybe the other nurses have been talking about him.  She is accompanied by a young woman in a white coat who looks like she can’t be more than a couple of years out of medical school.

 

The nurse goes about checking Stefano’s vitals again while the other woman turns to Sebastian.  “You must be Detective Castellanos,” she says with a smile that is just a little too cheerful for a hospital room.  “I’m Doctor Evans.  I’m not the supervising physician, but I’m here to take a quick look at the incision.”  Sebastian shakes the hand she offers, though he is somewhat distracted by Stefano, who is stirring slightly, no doubt due to Dr. Evans’ bubbly but rather loud voice.

 

Dr. Evans takes Stefano’s chart from the nurse and frowns.  “Do we not know his name?” she asks, glancing from the chart to Stefano and back again.

 

Sebastian hesitates for a moment, before realizing that Joseph probably checked Stefano in as a John Doe in order to prevent Slade and Mobius from being able to locate him easily.  “No,” he replies.  “His name is Stefano, but we need to keep him anonymous in the records because he’s a state’s witness.”

 

“I see,” Dr. Evans says with a nod.  “I’m just going to handwrite his name here so that the staff will know what to call him, but we’ll keep him as John Doe in the files.”

 

“Thank you,” Sebastian replies, though his eyes are drawn back to Stefano, who seems to be more alert now, eye flicking back and forth between him and Dr. Evans.

 

“Hi, Stefano,” Dr. Evans says, directing her attention to Stefano as well.  “I know you’re probably not feeling too great at the moment, but I need to take a look at your surgical site to make sure everything’s looking good.  Can you turn on your back, please?”

 

Stefano complies, face twisting into a grimace as he changes position, and Sebastian winces in sympathy.  He wants to put his hands on Stefano, to reassure him that this isn’t going to be anything like being examined by Jimenez, but he’s still playing the role of the detective guarding Stefano, and he’s not sure he can come up with a reason that he needs to be in physical contact with him right now.

 

Luckily, Dr. Evans’ bedside manner is much calmer than Sebastian’s initial encounter with her suggests, because when she speaks to Stefano, her voice is much softer and she seems to be listening attentively while Stefano is answering her questions.  When she asks him to rate his pain on a scale of one to ten, Stefano responds that it’s a four, a response that makes Sebastian highly skeptical.  Maybe Stefano has a much higher threshold for pain than he does or maybe Stefano has just become accustomed to pain over the course of his life, but solely based on watching him for the past few hours, Sebastian is pretty sure that’s not accurate.

 

When Dr. Evans starts to adjust Stefano’s blankets to take a look at his incision, Sebastian is suddenly struck by the memory of Stefano telling him to leave at Slade’s house, and he makes eye contact with Stefano.  “Do you want me to step out?” he asks, jerking head toward the door.

 

“No,” Stefano says quickly.  “Please stay.”  His gaze is pleading, as though he really still thinks that Sebastian might abandon him given the slightest reason, and Sebastian wants to take his hand now more than ever, but he restrains himself and stays in his seat.

 

Stefano holds eye contact with him while Dr. Evans checks him over, and even though she is speaking quietly and seems to be handling Stefano gently, it’s still torture for Sebastian, because he can see the tension on Stefano’s face the entire time.  Sebastian keeps his eyes on Stefano’s face, both for moral support and because he’s not sure he can handle seeing Stefano’s body in its current condition.  No matter how many gruesome sights he’s seen in the line of duty, he’s still very affected by seeing an injury on someone he cares about.

 

When Dr. Evans covers him back up, Stefano lets out his breath in a rush, which prompts Dr. Evans to raise an eyebrow at him and say, “See?  That wasn’t so bad.”

 

Stefano smiles politely, although Sebastian can still see the tension on his face.  “No, I suppose not,” he replies.

 

“I don’t see anything to be concerned about right now.  Just let the duty nurse know if your pain gets worse,” Dr. Evans says.  “I don’t want you to be too drugged up, but there are other combinations we can try to help you stay comfortable.”  She jots a few notes on Stefano’s chart and sweeps out of the room, taking the nurse with her.

 

The moment the door swings closed behind them, Sebastian is scooting his chair closer to Stefano’s bed, reaching out to take Stefano’s hand in both of his.  Stefano is trying to shift onto his side again, but Sebastian can tell by his face that the effort is hurting him.  “Stop,” he says firmly.  “Don’t exert yourself.  Just tell me what you need.”

 

“More,” Stefano says, his voice much smaller than it was few minutes ago when he was talking to the doctor.

 

“More contact?” Sebastian asks, and Stefano nods.

 

Sebastian considers for a moment, because he really shouldn’t be getting in bed with Stefano if he can avoid it, and it’s only a matter of time until he gets caught, but maybe there’s some other way that he can give Stefano the body contact he so clearly wants.  “Just hold still,” he cautions Stefano, “and tell me if any of this hurts.”

 

He scoots his chair up right next to the bed and turns it so that he and Stefano are face to face.  Then he places his hands on Stefano’s shoulders, letting his forearms rest against Stefano’s arms.  This has the added benefit of bringing his face within a foot of Stefano’s as well.  “How’s this?” he asks.

 

“Closer,” Stefano says with a hint of a smile on his face.

 

Sebastian sighs.  “You are going to get me in so much trouble,” he mutters.  He leans down just enough that his chest is touching Stefano’s and his head is resting just above Stefano’s shoulder on the pillow.  He’s not putting any weight on Stefano, but he’s watching him carefully out of the corner of his eye anyway, because he still doesn’t quite trust Stefano to tell him if this is getting uncomfortable.

 

“Better?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Much better,” Stefano replies, and he actually seems to be relaxed from what Sebastian can see.

 

“You’re alright,” Sebastian murmurs.  “The doctors here are going to take care of you.”

 

“I know,” Stefano says.  “But I did not much care for doctors in the first place, and after Jimenez…”  He doesn’t finish the sentence, but Sebastian feels a shudder run through him.

 

“That’s completely understandable,” Sebastian says, because based on what he knows about Jimenez, a couple of encounters with him would be enough to destroy anyone’s trust in the medical profession.  “But you’re safe now, and the people here really want to help you.”  He pauses for a moment.  “Why are you downplaying your pain?”

 

“I do not want to be drugged,” Stefano responds.  “I mean, I know I am somewhat drugged, even now, but I do not wish to lose myself again.  I was lost in the drugs for so long.”

 

“I know,” Sebastian says, giving his shoulders a gentle squeeze.  “And you had your reasons before, and you might have reasons now, if the pain gets too bad.”

 

“I want to be able to think clearly,” Stefano says.  “I feel that I am just not quite able to do that at the moment.”

 

“You’ll be able to soon,” Sebastian replies.  “Once you’re feeling better, they’ll wean you off the pain medication, but in the meantime, they just want you to be comfortable… I just want you to be comfortable.”

 

Stefano’s hand finds his hip and gives him a pat.  “You are too kind, Sebastian.”

 

“No,” Sebastian says.  “Nothing is too kind for you, not after what you’ve been through.”  He takes a deep breath, because he has more to say, but Stefano interrupts.

 

“Shhh,” he hisses in Sebastian’s ear.  “I am very tired.  Please, just stay with me until I fall asleep again.”

 

Sebastian wants to tell Stefano that he’s not going to leave him again ever, but the emotions are roiling around inside him, and he’s afraid that if he tries to express something he feels so strongly about, it’s going to come out as anger, so he simply nods.

 

“You can go back to holding my hand,” Stefano says quietly.  “I will be alright now.”

 

Sebastian gives his shoulders one more little squeeze and then sits up, shifting his hands back to hold one of Stefano’s.  It is then, looking into Stefano’s face that he remembers the one thing he absolutely needs to tell him.

 

“Stefano, there is one thing I have to tell you,” Sebastian says, trying to keep his tone calm, even though he is excited to share this news.  “It’s really important.”

 

“Go on then,” Stefano says.  His face has rearranged itself into a slight frown, and his brow is creased in concern.

 

“Slade’s dead,” Sebastian says simply.

 

“What?” Stefano replies, his eye going wide.

 

“Slade is dead,” Sebastian repeats.  “He was found dead earlier this morning- shot in the head.”  He leaves it at that for now, because he needs to figure out for himself how to handle Myra’s involvement in all of this, and what he really means to accomplish by telling Stefano is just to relieve him of the burden of worrying about whether Slade will resurface to try to take him back or inform against him.

 

“My god, Sebastian,” Stefano says, looking up at the ceiling.  “This means…”

 

“It means we’ve got one less thing to worry about,” Sebastian finishes.  “And that’s all you need to know for now.”  He raises Stefano’s hand carefully to his mouth and places a kiss on his knuckles.  “Get some sleep.  I’m not going to leave you.”

 

Stefano nods, and Sebastian sits with him, quietly holding his hand until he falls asleep again.  Maybe it’s just Sebastian’s imagination, but even in his sleep, Stefano seems more peaceful now.  Sebastian envies him a little, because without Stefano to distract him, his own mind is racing again.

 

For one thing, he is now the only one besides Stefano who knows about Emily Lewis, which means that it is entirely on him whether to turn Stefano in and seek justice for her death.  It’s a pressure that Sebastian hadn’t even considered until now, because he has been so worried about Slade leaking that information.  He’s also terrified that even if he decides not to tell anyone, this is going to make it difficult to have a relationship with Stefano.

 

No matter what he does, no matter how much care he takes to make sure that Stefano is happy and comfortable, he’s afraid that he’s never going to be any better than Slade, that Stefano will stay with him out of fear that he will reveal his dark secret, and that is completely unacceptable to Sebastian.  Even though he wants to be with Stefano very much, it has to be Stefano’s choice- and not the kind of ‘choice’ that Stefano says he made to serve Slade, not a choice motivated by fear.  He doesn’t know what to do about it now, and he’s afraid he might never know, but his mind is already on to the next subject.

 

He has a hard time imagining Myra as a cold-blooded killer, as the kind of person who shoots a man in the back of the head and leaves him in an industrial park, but all of the evidence is suggesting that this is exactly what happened.  In some way, maybe it isn’t so hard to believe though. Myra was a strong person, decisive and no-nonsense, both as a detective and as a wife and mother, and she never shrunk away from doing the hard stuff when it needed to be done.

 

Sebastian also can’t help but wonder if what she did to Slade with done with Mobius’ blessing or not.  It seems more likely that Mobius endorsed it, both because of how powerful Mobius is and how dangerous it would be for Myra to speak out against them, and because Sebastian can easily imagine how Mobius could start to see Slade as a huge liability once Sebastian got involved.  Based on what Sebastian saw in the short time he knew Slade, the guy seemed to be more interested in partying and getting high than carrying out Mobius’ agenda.

 

The other thing that’s interesting is that Mobius clearly has some better ideas about where to hide bodies so that they won’t be found quickly- or at all.  If the number of missing persons in Krimson City is anything to go on, Mobius has been pretty successful at covering its tracks, even if a few of its victims have been found.  But Slade was in an industrial park, somewhere that he was almost sure to be found right away, and Sebastian wonders if Myra might have done that as a favor to him, to make it clear that he and Stefano weren’t in danger anymore.

 

He shifts in his seat, reaching for the letter in his pocket, and even before his fingers close around it, he freezes, because it dawns on him that they may have a major problem on their hands.  Myra has taken out Slade, but that means there is likely going to be an investigation into Slade’s death.  And Sebastian is pretty sure that between his open hostility toward Slade and his lack of alibi for several hours earlier today, he is going to be a prime suspect.

 

 

 


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know you don’t owe me anything, right?” Sebastian asks.
> 
> “What a ridiculous question,” Stefano admonishes him. “Sebastian, I owe you everything. If you had not come to Beacon to look for me… If I had not gotten into your car that night…” He shakes his head. “I owe you everything.”

 

 

The next seventy-two hours are a blur for Sebastian.  Stefano sleeps most of the time, which is merciful, because when he is awake he is quiet and withdrawn, staring into space and answering Sebastian’s well-meaning questions with just a few whispered words at a time.  Sebastian can tell that he’s hurting, even if he’s trying to hide it from the staff.  As much as he hates to see Stefano in pain, it is a definite improvement to see Stefano making choices for himself, and as long as this is truly an attempt to get off the drugs and not some misguided way of punishing himself, Sebastian intends to support it.

 

Once he realizes how much effort it takes Stefano to talk to him at the moment, Sebastian stops asking questions.  He does talk to Stefano sometimes when he’s awake, but he is simply updating him on events at KCPD or reflecting on what happened in STEM or telling him stories about Myra and Lily.  Stefano listens, sometimes smiling faintly if the news is good or the story is funny, and Sebastian finds that he is starting to seek out those little smiles more and more.  They also spend a fair amount of time sitting in companionable silence, Sebastian holding Stefano’s hand or gently rubbing his back, which seems to be about all of the physical contact that Stefano can tolerate right now.

 

Fortunately, the medical news is good and keeps getting better.  Even though Sebastian remembers worlds like ‘severe’ and ‘catastrophic’ being used to describe Stefano’s injuries early on, the doctors’ consensus now seems to be that he will make a complete recovery, albeit a slow and painful one.  Stefano doesn’t react to the news with any particular enthusiasm, which is understandable given his current condition, but Sebastian is overjoyed.  He’s been living under such a dark cloud of uncertainty ever since the night he watched on the cameras as Riker beat Stefano, and it’s such a relief to finally catch a glimpse of sunlight on the other side.

 

When Stefano isn’t awake, Sebastian sits beside him, watching the TV at a low volume or amusing himself with his phone.  Joseph comes by to visit and bring him food and try to convince him to go home and rest, but the most Sebastian will do is to lean back in his chair and sleep for a few hours at a time.  Part of him knows that it’s irrational, that Stefano will be just fine with Joseph watching over him, but the more dominant voice in his head says otherwise.  Sebastian may not have been there for Stefano the last time Stefano needed him, and he is sure as hell going to be there this time.

 

Joseph also brings updates from KCPD, and Banks drops in from time to time as well to talk to Sebastian, but neither one of them has any great insight into what is going on.  Apparently all of the important stuff is being discussed in closed-door meetings between the Chief and the Homicide detectives, and Joseph and Banks certainly aren’t welcome there after what happened at Beacon.  Every time one of them walks in, Sebastian expects them to bring the news that all three of them have been fired, but so far that hasn’t happened either.

 

Stefano’s mood does seem to be somewhat improved on the fourth day when his supervising doctor tells him that they’re going to be moving him out of the intensive care unit and onto a regular short-term recovery floor.  “Thank goodness,” Stefano says to Sebastian when the door has swung closed behind the doctor.  “Perhaps now they can stop checking on me every five minutes.”

 

Sebastian laughs at that, because he’s pretty sure that even Stefano doesn’t know the full extent of how often he’s been getting checked on in the ICU, since he’s asleep so much of the time.  He understands Stefano’s feelings though.  He can tell how hard it is for Stefano to be here, to be constantly poked and prodded, even though the staff has been very kind.  Sebastian knows Stefano well enough now that he can read the subtle signs, the way Stefano holds his breath or the way the muscles of his face twitch when he’s uncomfortable or anticipating something painful, and he’s sure that Stefano is looking forward to the day when he can actually leave the hospital.  For now, though, getting downgraded from the ICU is a big step.

 

“Maybe they’ll let you eat some real food soon,” Sebastian offers, because he knows that’s been another frustration of Stefano’s.

 

Stefano rolls his eye.  “That may be too much to hope for,” he replies, “though I certainly would not mind being rid of this.”  He gestures to the place below his collar bone where the IV port sits, and Sebastian winces in sympathy.  He’s been trying very hard not to pay too much attention to how many tubes Stefano has coming out of him, because the thought of that makes him feel a little weak in the knees, but he does know that there are a lot of them.

 

The supervising doctor has already explained to Sebastian, and Stefano later when he was more alert, about their concerns with transitioning back to food.  Apparently Stefano’s internal trauma encompassed parts of his digestive system, as well as other organs, and the IV nutrition has been buying them some time while everything heals up.

 

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Sebastian agrees.  “But when you’re well enough to leave, I’m taking you out to dinner, and we’ll get some real food- anywhere you want.”

 

Sebastian is expecting one of those little smiles he’s come to enjoy so much, but instead Stefano’s face becomes suddenly serious.

 

“Hey,” Sebastian says, scooting his chair a little closer so that he can reach for Stefano’s hand.  “What’s wrong?”

 

Stefano’s arms are wrapped around himself, and he doesn’t offer a hand to Sebastian, just gazes back at him, worry creasing his brow.  “You know that you do not owe me anything, Sebastian.”

 

“What?” Sebastian says reflexively as he tries to process what Stefano is talking about.  “No, of course not.  I mean, I wish I hadn’t let Riker do this to you in the first place, but that’s not why I want to take you out to dinner.”

 

“Why then?” Stefano presses, but before Sebastian can answer, he adds, “Wait, I know.  You are the white knight who is going to save me from this life of-”

 

“Stop,” Sebastian says firmly, because Stefano’s tone is becoming markedly sarcastic.  “You saved yourself from this life.  We saved ourselves from STEM, and it looks like maybe we don’t have to worry about Slade or Mobius anymore.”  He knows his voice is rising a little, but frustration is burning a hole inside him and he needs Stefano to understand.  “And I know there’s no comparison to what you’ve been through, but my life hasn’t exactly been going great these past few years, and things have been a little better since I met you, and I… I was just hoping that maybe it didn’t have to end.”

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano sighs, his expression softening.  “You are so kind and so loyal, but you do not know what you are asking for.  It is just as Riker said.  I am used-up.  They have taken everything from me.  I have nothing left to offer you.”

 

“Stop,” Sebastian says, more gently this time.  “You know that’s not true.”  He reaches for Stefano again, but Stefano’s arms are still wrapped around his chest.  “Give me your hand,” Sebastian pleads, and Stefano finally sighs and extends one of his hands to Sebastian.  Sebastian takes it in both of his, just holding it as he gazes at Stefano.

 

“This is all I’m asking for,” he says, voice low.  “Just your friendship, your companionship.  And if you want it to be more, then it can be more, or if you’re not interested, then I understand, but I’m not asking for anything that you don’t have or that you don’t want to give.”  He holds Stefano’s gaze until Stefano nods, though Sebastian still can’t read his expression.

 

“I can’t imagine what you’ve been through,” Sebastian continues, because the few nights he spent at Slade’s were enough for him to figure out that he has no idea what those people were capable of.  “But you’re safe now, and you’re going to get everything figured out.  Just give it time.”

 

Stefano nods again and opens his mouth to speak, but just then the door swings open and the duty nurse enters, bringing a few other staff members with her.  It’s basically chaos after that, because they are all talking cheerily to Stefano and getting him ready for the transfer to the recovery floor.  Sebastian just stays quiet and out of the way, shooting Stefano the occasional supportive smile or sympathetic look if he seems to be getting irritated with the way the nurses are fussing over him, and pretty soon they’re mobile and managing to all fit into an elevator to switch floors.

 

When they are finally in Stefano’s new room, which is also thankfully a private one due to the fact that Stefano still has a police escort, and Stefano is all settled in and the transport team has left, Sebastian pulls up a chair and sits down by Stefano’s bed again, reaching for his hand.  Stefano willingly gives it but says, “I am afraid I do not remember what I was about to say to you downstairs if that is what you are hoping.”

 

Sebastian laughs, because he was sort of hoping that they might be able to pick up where they left off.  “It’s alright,” he says.  “Can I tell you something then?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.

 

“You know you don’t owe me anything, right?” Sebastian asks.

 

“What a ridiculous question,” Stefano admonishes him.  “Sebastian, I owe you everything.  If you had not come to Beacon to look for me… If I had not gotten into your car that night…”  He shakes his head.  “I owe you everything.”

 

Sebastian squeezes his hand.  “Some of that was my job, and some of that was because I’m a decent person, and some of that was because I care about you.”  He pauses, because a smile flashes across Stefano’s face at that.  “But none of it was done with any expectation of getting anything in return.”  He looks earnestly into Stefano’s face.  “You don’t owe me anything.”

 

“And yet, you still control my fate,” Stefano says, raising an eyebrow at Sebastian.

 

Sebastian sighs, letting go of Stefano’s hand to rake one of his own hands through his hair, because he knows exactly what Stefano’s talking about, and he’s been dreading having this conversation.  “No, Stefano,” he says finally.  “You control your fate.  I would never do that.  I would never be anything like Slade.”

 

“No,” Stefano concedes.  “I do not think you would ever be like Slade, though you do hold the same influence over me.”

 

“And that’s what I’m afraid of,” Sebastian says.  “I don’t want my relationship with you to be based on fear.”  He sighs.  “What would it take, Stefano?  What would it take to remove that influence?”

 

Stefano is silent for a moment, folding his arms across his chest.  “I do not know,” he says quietly.  “I truly do not know.”

 

Sebastian doesn’t know either, but it’s a question he has to answer, because he will not let Stefano live in fear of him the way he lived in fear of Slade.  There has to be some answer, and he is going to figure out what it is.  He doesn’t get very far in his thinking though before Banks is coming through the door.

 

“I almost couldn’t find you guys,” Banks says with a smile as he hands Sebastian a take-out box.  He turns to Stefano.  “Glad to know you’re well enough to be off the ICU.”

 

“Thank you,” Stefano replies, but Banks is already fixing his attention on Sebastian.

 

“I think I’ve got some answers for you this time,” he says pulling up a chair, “and I bet they’re even weirder than you were expecting.”

 

“Well that’ll be tough to do,” Sebastian replies.  “I seem to specialize in ‘weird’ lately.”

 

“Take a look at this,” Banks says, passing Sebastian a sheet of paper.  Sebastian sets his takeout box on the floor and turns his attention to the page, which is an interdepartmental memo from the Gang Squad.  He scans it with his eyes, not reading in depth but taking in words and phrases _… increased MS13 activity in Krimson City… New York based cell of this Central American criminal street gang… human trafficking and narcotics ring run by Darius Slade and Emmanuel Perez…_

He looks back up at Banks.  “What’s this about?” he asks.

 

“I was hoping you could tell me,” Banks replies.  “Does any of that ring true?”

 

“Well, yeah,” Sebastian says cautiously, because it feels strange to be agreeing with KCPD on anything right now.  “Slade and Riker- that’s Emmanuel Perez, one of the guys who died at Beacon- did have a pretty major drug business, and they were trafficking people too, but that was for Mobius.”

 

“And that’s where I think KCPD’s story is going to differ,” Banks cuts in.  “But I did a little research on Emmanuel Perez myself that might clear some things up, though it may not do us any good in the long run.”

 

“What did you find out?” Sebastian asks.  “I know he was MS13, but that’s about it.”  He glances over at Stefano, who shrugs but continues to look on with interest.

 

“He was MS13 up until two or three years ago,” Banks explains, “but they had a falling out.”  He hands Sebastian another piece of paper.  This one is a printout of a newspaper article that details a home invasion in a New York suburb.

 

Sebastian reads out loud.  “Victims included twenty-four year-old Carmen Vasquez and her six-month old son, as well as her live-in boyfriend Ricardo Perez, a certified member of MS13…”  He stops reading and looks up at Stefano, the memory of the tattoo he saw on Riker’s chest suddenly foremost in his mind.  Stefano is staring back at him hard.

 

“Emmanuel’s little brother,” Banks supplies.

 

“And he was in the gang too?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Banks replies.  “Not in good standing though, obviously.”

 

“What?  It was MS13 who killed him?” Sebastian asks, scanning the article again to look for any confirmation of that theory.

 

“You can’t tell from what they released in the news,” Banks says, “but yeah, it was definitely MS13 work.  The police report says they were dismembered with machetes, and I think you’ll agree that there aren’t a whole lot of burglars who go that far.”

 

“Holy shit,” Sebastian breathes, looking to Stefano whose expression is equally shocked.  “Was anyone charged?  Did Emmanuel Perez do this?”

 

“No,” Banks says quickly.  “We know he wasn’t involved because he was in custody on Riker’s Island at the time.  In fact, it seems like it was probably done to send a message to him.”

 

“Did Ricardo snitch or something?” Sebastian asks.  There is a strange dichotomy to gang life, at least from what he’s seen.  On the one hand, there is a strong sense of loyalty and brotherhood between members, but if a member breaks the gang’s rules, the consequences are swift and terrible, and turning informant is always a violation of gang rules.

 

“Not that I know of,” Banks replies.  “But somebody did.  That’s the only reason I know as much as I do.  One of my old high school buddies works in New York now, and they debriefed a guy who was MS13 around the same time these guys were.”

 

“And he knew the Perez brothers?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Both of them,” Banks says with a nod.  “Manny and Rico, he says they were called back then, but definitely the same guys.  He went through a whole bunch of pictures and identified at least thirty MS13 members.  Emmanuel was apparently pretty high in the ranks at one time- just an absolute thug who put the gang family over all else.  Ricardo was always a low man in the gang because he was blessed in by his brother, so he didn’t have the status, but nobody could touch him because of Emmanuel.”

 

Sebastian nods and waits for Banks to continue.  He’s never worked on the Gang Squad himself, but he’s familiar enough with the basics to know what Banks is talking about.  There are usually two ways to be initiated into a gang, both of which are designed to demonstrate the inductee’s loyalty to the gang family.  One is being beaten by the current gang members, usually for a set amount of time, and the other is committing some type of crime under the supervision of the current gang members.

 

There is also an alternative way to gain admission, being ‘blessed in’ as Banks says Riker’s little brother was.  In that situation, the existing gang member vouches for the new member and takes on responsibility for all of that person’s future conduct, which allows the new gang member to be admitted without the customary beating.  From what little Sebastian knows, it also seems to create a whole bunch of drama, both for the one doing the blessing, who is literally held responsible for any misstep the new member makes, and for the new member, who is often looked upon with resentment by others who feel that he hasn’t rightfully earned his place in the gang.

 

“So, this guy says Ricardo wasn’t a snitch, but he was mouthy, you know, disrespectful,” Banks continues.  Sebastian sits back in his chair with a sigh, because in gang life, being disrespectful is almost as bad as being a snitch if you do it to the wrong people.  “And he challenged one of the higher level gang members, so the top guys decided he had to go, and I bet you can guess who got that job.”

 

“Oh, no,” Sebastian says, suddenly remembering the strange conversation he had with Riker over the cameras in the burned-out version of Slade’s house.  _You may find this hard to believe, but there are some things even I won’t do_ , Riker had said to him.  Apparently this is where Riker drew the line.

 

Banks says, “So Perez took his brother and his brother’s girlfriend, and they went into hiding, but of course MS13 is huge up there, and it’s hard to hide from them.  He came back on their radar when he got arrested on a gun charge- relatively minor, but it tipped the gang off to where he was staying and kept him in jail long enough for them to raid the house.”

 

“Damn…” Sebastian breathes.  “And they killed the whole family?”  He knows he shouldn’t be surprised, that this level of violence is nothing out of the ordinary for a hardened street gang, especially one trying to make an example of someone, but it still seems excessive to him.  He takes one more glance at the news article and hands it back to Banks.

 

“Yes,” Banks says.  “My buddy’s informant said there was a hit out on Emmanuel Perez as well, but he fled the state as soon as he was released from custody- changed his name, but apparently he came right back to doing what he was good at, trafficking people and drugs.”

 

“That’s why Mobius recruited him,” Sebastian chimes in.  “They knew he could run the kind of operation they needed, and they were powerful enough to protect him from the gang.”

 

“Shit,” Banks says.  “That does make a lot of sense.  And Slade was just the face they put on the operation so that Perez wouldn’t be exposed himself.”

 

“That’d be my guess,” Sebastian replies.  “Slade seemed pretty useless in general, at least from what I saw.”  He glances at Stefano, wondering if he can provide any insight.

 

“Slade ran the business in name only,” Stefano confirms.  “He relied on Riker for everything.  He was cruel… they all were… but he was not the mastermind of that enterprise.”

 

Sebastian wants to take Stefano’s hand again as he remembers just how cruel Slade and his men could be, but he doesn’t think it’s a good idea to do that in front of Banks, so he settles for a sympathetic look.

 

“So can you see where KCPD is going with this?” Banks asks, holding up the Gang Squad memo again.

 

“I think so,” Sebastian nods.  “MS13 finds Riker, comes here to settle their unfinished business, kills Riker and his new employer… and Jimenez?”  He tilts his head, because Jimenez’s death is going to be a little harder to explain under this theory.

 

“He and undercover Detective Jackson got caught in the crossfire is my best guess,” Banks offers.  “They’re already very heavily controlling access to any information about them.  I think I told you that I called the ME’s Office to ask about them, and I got nothing.  They were willing to tell me more about Slade than about Jimenez, Jackson, or Perez.”

 

“That’s probably because their cause of death isn’t consistent with gang violence,” Sebastian says.  Actually, their cause of death probably isn’t consistent with anything the ME has ever seen before, unless STEM induces some kind of heart attack or stroke based on the events that take place inside the system.

 

“Right,” Banks replies.  “But based on this memo, it looks like they’re going to pin all of this on MS13- Slade and Perez’s deaths, the missing persons, all of it.”

 

“All of it?” Sebastian repeats, trying to get his mind around what that means.

 

“Yes, and I think they’re setting up to say that there’s been a cell active in Krimson for the last couple of years, right under our noses,” Banks says.  “Which doesn’t look great for the department, but I’d rather be painted as incompetent than in bed with the corporation that kidnapped so many of our citizens.”

 

“I guess so,” Sebastian shakes his head, because neither one of those options sounds particularly appealing to him.

 

“Plus it lets them explain away a bunch of cold cases,” Banks continues.  “At least temporarily, until people start to wonder why the police aren’t doing anything about all of the gang activity.”

 

“What are they going to do when people keep disappearing and the police do nothing?” Sebastian asks.  “Won’t people have questions about that?”

 

“See, I don’t think people are going to keep disappearing,” Banks says, “because we also had some major staffing changes go through today.  Kidman resigned, and so did three other Homicide Detectives.”

 

“What?” Sebastian says, suddenly sitting up straight.  “Do you think Mobius is cutting its ties with KCPD?”

 

“Looks that way,” Banks says.  “I think you and Stefano might have caused enough trouble to drive them out of Krimson.”  He smiles at Sebastian and then Stefano, but Sebastian isn’t feeling particularly reassured.

 

“They’ll just go somewhere else,” Sebastian protests.  “Riker already said they were pulling test subjects from other cities.  They’re just going to take the operation somewhere they can get away with it.”

 

“Probably,” Banks concedes.  “And you and Oda and I have some pretty big decisions to make if that’s the case.”

 

“But we’re getting to keep our jobs?” Sebastian asks, because even in the best case scenario, he didn’t think that was going to be a possibility.

 

“I’m not sure,” Banks replies, “but I think that may be what they’re offering in exchange for our silence.  That and not hunting us down to be in the next experimental group.”

 

As relieved as Sebastian is to still at least have the option of keeping his job at KCPD, it is strange to hear Banks speaking so casually about Mobius.  “You got on board with this really quickly,” Sebastian points out.  “Why?  Why didn’t you just assume I was losing it?”  He almost adds, _like you did when you put me on leave_ , but it seems a little petty to bring that up when Banks was instrumental in saving his life.

 

“Look, Sebastian, I know you’ve been going through a lot lately, and if you’d come to me alone with this story, I might have had a hard time swallowing it,” Banks says.  “But you and Oda are good cops, and when he started to tell me about his investigation, all the pieces started falling into place.  Plus, he played me some of those jail calls between Slade and Stefano.”  Banks shakes his head.  “Scary stuff.  Slade is not very discrete, and I’m starting to see why Mobius wanted him dead.”

 

“So what happens now?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Well, the way I see it, either we all go back to our jobs at KCPD and pretend none of this ever happened,” Banks says.  “Or we say ‘fuck it’ and go after Mobius and probably die a horrible death in some kind of alternate reality.”

 

“But if we don’t,” Sebastian says, “we could catch the real bad guys- the ones no one else is going after.”

 

Banks nods, and Sebastian heaves a sigh, because this is a lot to take in.  “I don’t know about you, but I’m going to need some time to think about it.  I’ve had enough alternate reality for a while.”

 

“Take all the time you need,” Banks replies.  “If I suggest that you take a couple of weeks off to recuperate, are you going to yell at me this time?”

 

“No,” Sebastian says, “no, this time I’d say you have the right idea.”

 

“Good,” Banks says.  “Just add two weeks on to the leave you’re on right now, and we’ll regroup then- about work I mean.  Oda and I are still going to be checking in on you guys while Stefano’s in the hospital, so you’ll be seeing us around.”

 

“Thanks,” Sebastian says.  “For everything.”  Banks gets up to leave, but Sebastian suddenly remembers something from earlier in the conversation.  “Wait- about the cold cases and MS13.  How far back are they going with that?”

 

“Probably as far as they can,” Banks says with a shrug.  “I mean, that’s what MS13 does- makes people disappear or turn up dead.  I think they’re going back at least three years to… do you remember that model who was found in the park, the one who-”

 

“Emily Lewis,” Sebastian interrupts, because he suddenly has the bizarre fear that Stefano is going to speak up and volunteer her name, and that would look suspicious as hell.

 

“Right, Emily Lewis,” Banks says.  “That’s the earliest one they mentioned when they made the announcement about the MS13 stuff.”

 

Sebastian’s heart is pounding, because he’s not used to being on the wrong side of the truth, and he hopes he doesn’t sound too eager when he asks, “And you think people will really believe that MS13 killed her?”

 

“Sebastian, she was decapitated,” Banks says with an exasperated sigh.  “That’s the one they’re going to have the easiest time making into an MS13 job.  Hell, maybe it was an MS13 job- that kind of thing is their bread and butter.”

 

“Right, of course,” Sebastian says absently, because Banks is absolutely right.  Hacking someone to bits with a machete or decapitating them is a fairly unusual step, even for a murderer, and all of this just seems too easy.  Slade is dead, and Emily’s murder is going to be attributed to this amorphous entity, to a violent criminal street gang who has actually killed a bunch of people, and unless he speaks up, no one will ever have reason to suspect Stefano.

 

He says goodbye to Banks, then sits for several minutes staring straight ahead of him as he tries to work things out.  In a selfish way, he doesn’t want to say anything, because he wants to stay with Stefano, because he has feelings for Stefano, because he doesn’t think Stefano will survive prison, but he tries to put those thoughts aside and focus on the reason he became a police officer in the first place- the reasons he thinks justice is worth pursuing.

 

First, of course, is punishing guilty parties, and Sebastian can dismiss this one almost immediately.  Stefano has suffered enough, more than anyone should ever suffer.  He’s been punished by Slade, by Riker, by the clients, by himself, for almost three years now in ways that would easily be classified as cruel and unusual in any civilized system of justice.  He has lost his freedom but also so much more at Slade’s hands, and Sebastian just can’t make a good argument that further punishment would serve any purpose.

 

He also considers the protection of society, but he can’t imagine Stefano killing anyone else.   Based on what he saw in STEM, Stefano has been thoroughly traumatized by these events himself.  Sebastian clearly remembers the way he approached the camera, the fact that he hadn’t held one in years, the way he reacted to the thunder and lightning that mimicked the storm that happened in the park on the night of Emily’s death.  And of course he remembers what Stefano told him while Riker was strapping him down in Slade’s house- how Stefano feels that he is paying for what he did to Emily.

 

He wonders about Emily’s family, whether they would gain any comfort from learning the truth about her death, and he feels he can understand those feelings better than most.  Of course, the case isn’t going to stay unsolved, and her family is going to be given a culprit to direct their anger toward, but does it matter if it’s the wrong one?

 

Sebastian knows that he is breathing harder now, that he is thinking about Lily and the fire, and whether it would make any difference to him if he learned that she died in some other way.  There is nothing like the grief and pain of losing a child- nothing- and Sebastian has spent so many days and nights picking apart every detail of those events, looking for something, anything he could have done differently.  He knows that nothing is ever going to stop that pain, that more information brings only a bitter kind of satisfaction, and he can’t imagine that Emily’s family would gain any more comfort from the truth than they would from the story KCPD is going to give them.

 

He sighs, rubbing at his eyes.

 

“You should eat,” Stefano says, and Sebastian jumps in his seat, because he had completely forgotten that he wasn’t alone.  “Your food is going to get cold.”  He gives Sebastian a weak smile, as though he knows what Sebastian has been thinking about, and gestures to the takeout box resting by Sebastian’s feet.

 

“Oh, right,” Sebastian says.  “Do you mind?”  He feels a little guilty for eating in front of Stefano when he’s not allowed to have real food yet, but Stefano gives a dismissive wave of his hand.

 

“Please, go ahead,” Stefano says, letting his eye drift closed.  “I need to rest for a while.”

 

“Alright,” Sebastian says.  “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

 

“I know,” Stefano whispers back.

 

 

 


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are tears shining in Stefano’s good eye as he nods, and Sebastian leans forward on impulse to wrap his arms around him, then hesitates as he realizes that Stefano might not appreciate that right now.
> 
> “Please,” Stefano whispers, beckoning him closer, and Sebastian scoots further up the bed and slips his arms around Stefano’s shoulders, taking care not to exert too much pressure as he leans in to embrace him. Stefano’s arms are around his waist, and Stefano’s head is resting on his shoulder, and this is exactly the kind of contact he’s been missing lately- the kind of contact he was just getting used to having again before all of this STEM business started.

 

 

Stefano’s physical health improves, slowly but steadily, over the next week.  By the second day on the recovery ward, he is cautiously poking at some applesauce while Sebastian laughs and reassures him that it is, in fact, food, and a couple of days after that he gets approval to go back on the regular hospital menu.  Sebastian has to work a lot harder to convince him that the hospital food is edible, and often it’s just easier to text Joseph or Banks and ask them to bring something for Stefano as well when they come to visit.

 

They’re also weaning Stefano off of the pain medication, so he is decidedly more alert, but he’s still suspiciously quiet a lot of the time, staring off into space or picking at the loose threads on his blanket.  He responds politely to Sebastian’s questions, but his answers are usually short, and it’s difficult to get him to engage in a real discussion of anything.

 

Sebastian isn’t sure what to think about that, but he’s willing to give Stefano as much time as he needs to feel like himself again.  Even though Stefano says that his pain is getting better every day, he is undeniably still in pain.  Sebastian still catches him wincing sometimes after he tries to turn over or sit up in bed too quickly, and when he does start getting out of bed, Sebastian can see how carefully he has to plan every move he makes.

 

Of course Stefano is probably having some withdrawal symptoms as well, so there is likely more than one explanation for how subdued he has been lately.  It bothers Sebastian to see Stefano feeling poorly, but there is a part of him that is relieved that Stefano isn’t trying to maintain his escort façade anymore, that he is willing to be tired and in pain and fidgety around Sebastian.  Stefano may be in a compromised state, but at least this is the real Stefano and not the one who is so concerned with being presentable and appealing to his clients.

 

It’s intriguing to try to figure out what actually interests Stefano, what gets a reaction out of him or what topics will engage him for longer periods of time.  At first Sebastian tries to ask questions about his life, but he is quite tight-lipped about everything before he came to Krimson City.  He won’t say much more than he revealed inside STEM, and when Sebastian gently presses for more information he simply replies that it is better left unexplored.  Sebastian doesn’t want to ask too much about Stefano’s time with Slade, because he isn’t sure how discussing these traumatic events might impact Stefano’s spirits or even his recovery.  Besides, after just a few nights at Slade’s house, Sebastian has a pretty good idea of what that chapter of Stefano’s life must have been like.

 

With Stefano’s history effectively off the table, Sebastian finds that they can talk for some time about things in the news or the updates on KCPD that Banks and Joseph bring.  As Banks suspected, the department is preparing a press release on the recent “gang activity” and its relationship to the missing persons and mysterious deaths.

 

Stefano also seems to be interested in hearing more about Sebastian’s life, more about Myra and Lily, and Sebastian even finds himself talking through some of his feelings about things after the fire.  Stefano is a good listener, mostly sitting quietly with a nod or sympathetic comment here and there, and the questions he does ask are carefully worded, gentle.  It’s surprisingly nice to be able to talk about some of this, and as it seems to distract Stefano from his own problems, they explore Sebastian’s life in some depth.

 

Stefano has been a bit more reserved about physical contact in general, but he does take Sebastian’s hand from time to time when Sebastian offers it, or if Sebastian is talking about something particularly emotional, Stefano will sometimes reach out to him.  Sebastian treasures each of these moments.  He desperately wants to touch Stefano, to hold him and comfort him, maybe to comfort himself as well, but he doesn’t push it.  Stefano has shown in the past that he is very comfortable initiating physical contact when he wants it, and Sebastian is determined to follow his lead in this.

 

Sebastian rarely leaves Stefano’s bedside, though he does make one exception to go to district court with Bartlett and Hollister on Stefano’s charges.  Stefano himself is of course not able to attend, but if the judge goes along with their plan then that’s not going to matter.  Hollister asks if they can approach the bench and then turns it over to Sebastian, who explains everything that Stefano did while cooperating in his investigation, how he helped uncover a much greater series of crimes that are going to be the subject of the upcoming press release, and the great personal risk he took on to do so.  The judge has some follow-up questions about MS-13, which seems only natural considering no one has heard a word about their “activity” in Krimson yet, but those are easily answered, and then he is quite willing to grant Hollister’s motion to drop the charges against Stefano.

 

Sebastian heads straight back to the hospital, and even though he’s only been gone a little over an hour, he is already brimming with anxiety about what could have happened in the interim, even under Joseph’s watchful eyes.  His fears must show on his face, because when he comes barreling through the door to the hospital room, both Stefano and Joseph start laughing.

 

“I told you,” Joseph says, gasping for breath.  “He’s never going to let you out of his sight.”

 

“Hey,” Sebastian says.  “I’m not that bad… am I?”

 

Joseph looks like he is about to respond, but then Stefano’s laughter turns into more of a yelp, and Sebastian and Joseph are both suddenly focused on him.  Sebastian is at his side immediately, and Joseph is not far behind, but Stefano is already waving them off.

 

“I am alright,” he says, voice strained and one arm wrapped around his mid-section.  “Perhaps I should not be laughing quite so hard though.”

 

“I didn’t realize I was that funny,” Sebastian says with a smile, taking a seat on the edge of Stefano’s bed.

 

“You were,” Stefano replies, taking a few deep breaths and loosening his grip on himself, “but Joseph also did an impression of you coming through that door that turned out to be entirely accurate.”

 

“Oh really?” Sebastian says, turning to Joseph, who nods.

 

“I’ve had ample opportunities to observe you,” Joseph says with a shrug.  “Plus you’re always really charged up when someone’s in the hospital.”

 

“Fair enough,” Sebastian replies, because even he has to admit that Joseph is right.  “I’d ask you to demonstrate again, but I don’t think we should jeopardize Stefano’s health any more today.  Have the doctors been in?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano says.  “I am going to be released tomorrow.”  He gives a faint smile, but then suddenly looks thoughtful again.  “…assuming everything went well today of course.”

 

“Yes, yes, everything’s fine,” Sebastian says, taking Stefano’s hand.  “They dropped all the charges, so you’re good to go.”

 

Stefano’s smile returns, though his brow is still furrowed in concentration.  “That is… very good news,” he says, though his tone and the pause in his speech tell Sebastian that there is still something on his mind, and it dawns on him that Stefano probably doesn’t think he has anywhere to go home to.  He’s been living with Slade all this time, and with no other resources or income, he would be in a very difficult position trying to fend for himself now.  His hand goes slack in Sebastian’s, and Sebastian lets him go, lets him wrap his arms around himself again.

 

Sebastian almost laughs, because he’s been assuming this entire time that Stefano would come home with him, but apparently he’s never communicated that to Stefano, or at least not when Stefano was in a state to understand and remember.  He is about to tell Stefano that of course he is welcome at Sebastian’s house when Joseph stands up.  “I think I should go now,” he says.  “It sounds like you two have some things to talk about.”

 

Sebastian nods and thanks Joseph, waiting for him to pass through the door before he addresses Stefano again.  “Hey,” he says quietly, because Stefano’s eye is downcast and he is picking at his blanket again.  When Stefano looks up, Sebastian flashes him a reassuring smile.  “You know you can come and stay with me right?  I mean, unless there’s somewhere else-”

 

“No,” Stefano cuts him off.  “There is nowhere else for me to go.”  His is looking in Sebastian’s direction, but there is a far-away look in his eye that makes Sebastian wonder what is going on inside his head.  This isn’t going at all like Sebastian had hoped.  He had thought that Stefano would be happy to come to stay with him, that Stefano would be as excited about spending more time together as he is, but Stefano looks more like he feels trapped, out of options.

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian says, trying to put all of his care and concern for Stefano into his voice.  “You know this isn’t an arrangement like what you had with Slade, right?”

 

Stefano’s only response is a questioning look, so Sebastian tries again.  “You heard what Banks said about Emily Lewis.”  Stefano flinches at her name, almost as though Sebastian has physically struck him.  “Sorry-” Sebastian says quickly, holding up his hands in a defensive gesture.  “But you heard him.  They’re going to blame her death on MS13.  No one’s going to have any reason to suspect anyone else.  I’m sure as hell not going to give them any reason to suspect anyone else.”  He takes a deep breath.  “It’s over, Stefano.”

 

Stefano shakes his head slowly.  “I wish it was,” he says, gaze dropping back down to his lap.  “But I fear it will never be over for me.”  There is so much in his voice- exhaustion, pain, resignation- that Sebastian is reeling for a moment.  He doesn’t know exactly what Stefano is referring to, whether this thing that will never be over for him is the psychological strain of Emily’s death or the time he spent working for Slade or what he experienced in STEM, but he thinks he may be able to understand, even just a little bit, where Stefano is coming from.

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian murmurs as he reaches out.  Stefano offers a hand, but still can’t seem to look at him.  Sebastian takes Stefano’s hand between both of his and continues, “Please listen to me.”  Stefano nods, and it looks like that’s as much as Sebastian is going to get out of him right now, so he presses on.  “I know that what happened to me and my family is nothing like what happened to you, and I’m not even sure that it’s fair to compare them, but I guess what I’m saying is that there was a time- not that long ago actually- when I thought things were never going to get any better.”

 

He swallows hard.  “I thought that the pain was never going to end.  And it’s still there, and maybe it’s never going to go away, but I know that things did get better for me.”  He sighs deeply because he’s not sure that he’s making sense anymore, but he has to make this point to Stefano somehow.  “It might not be over.  It might not ever be over.  But that doesn’t mean that things won’t get better.”

 

He raises Stefano’s hand to his mouth, pressing a kiss to the back of it before lowering it again.  “And if there’s anything I can do to help things get better for you, then I’m going to be there if you’ll let me.”

 

There are tears shining in Stefano’s good eye as he nods, and Sebastian leans forward on impulse to wrap his arms around him, then hesitates as he realizes that Stefano might not appreciate that right now.

 

“Please,” Stefano whispers, beckoning him closer, and Sebastian scoots further up the bed and slips his arms around Stefano’s shoulders, taking care not to exert too much pressure as he leans in to embrace him.  Stefano’s arms are around his waist, and Stefano’s head is resting on his shoulder, and this is exactly the kind of contact he’s been missing lately- the kind of contact he was just getting used to having again before all of this STEM business started.

 

He turns his face into Stefano’s hair.  “It’s alright,” he murmurs.  “I know there’s a lot to think about right now, but we’re going to figure everything out.  Just give it time.”

 

Stefano squeezes him tighter.  “That was one of the worst things about Slade’s,” he says quietly.  “Hit after hit, client after client.  There was never any time to just think.”

 

Sebastian presses a kiss to his hair, remembering when he picked Stefano up from jail and Stefano had told him that Slade’s house wasn’t the sort of place to decompress.  “I’m so sorry,” he whispers.  “We’re going to have lots of time now though.”  Stefano nods against him.  “Do you feel like getting some sleep?” Sebastian asks, and Stefano nods again.  “Alright,” Sebastian says, loosening his hold on Stefano and pulling back so that Stefano can relax back into bed again.  “We’ve got a big day tomorrow.”

 

 

 

 

Joseph comes back to sit with Stefano the next morning so that Sebastian can make a quick trip home to ensure that the house is reasonably clean and tidy and that there is enough food in the fridge that he won’t have to go out and leave Stefano alone anytime soon.  Fortunately, while he’s there he remembers that Stefano will probably need some clothes.  He grabs a pair of sweatpants that are a little small for him and one of his old KCPD academy T-shirts out of his dresser.  He can’t help but smile a little as he imagines how horrified Stefano is going to be to wear something like this out in public, but right now they need to prioritize comfort over Stefano’s sense of style.  He also grabs a pair of underwear and some sandals and throws everything into a small duffel bag.

 

When he gets back to the hospital, the doctors have already done their final check on Stefano, and the duty nurse is going over his discharge plan.  Sebastian doesn’t want to interrupt, so he takes a seat and waits, trying to make mental notes of the prescriptions and instructions she is giving Stefano.  Stefano is an adult and will most likely remember most of this himself, but Sebastian has also seen how he can shut down when there is too much going on around him, so it certainly won’t hurt for him to listen as well.

 

“Alright then,” the nurse says brightly.  “I’ll be back with a wheelchair if you want to go ahead and get dressed.  She walks briskly out of the room as Stefano looks to Sebastian.

 

“Don’t worry,” Sebastian says, handing him the duffel bag.  “I brought you some clothes.  Sorry they’re not quite up to your usual style.”

 

Stefano unzips the bag and pulls out Sebastian’s T-shirt, smiling down at it before his eye returns to Sebastian.  “I think these will be perfect for the time being.”

 

“Do you want me to-?”  Sebastian gestures to the door, wondering if he should step out while Stefano changes.  He’s been careful about giving Stefano privacy for these kinds of things over the last week or so, but he’s usually had help from one of the nurses.

 

“No,” Stefano says with a smile that is more relaxed, more like the old Stefano, than Sebastian has seen in a while.  “I want you to stay and make sure I do not fall.”

 

“Fair enough,” Sebastian replies.  It turns out to be a good thing that he stayed, because while Stefano is definitely getting stronger and seems to be in less pain, he is still far from being self-sufficient.  It’s mainly the movements that put strain on his torso that are difficult, so Sebastian helps him shrug out of the hospital gown and pull the T-shirt over his head.  Stefano can stand up with minimal groaning, but bending over seems to be a little beyond him at the moment, so Sebastian helps him step into his underwear and pants and pulls them up enough that Stefano can finish doing the job.

 

Stefano takes Sebastian’s arm for support as he slips his feet into the shoes, and Sebastian is just thinking that he kind of likes the look of Stefano wearing his baggy, comfortable clothes when the nurse reappears.  Just for an instant, the wheelchair she is pushing triggers a memory, a flash of a different chair and different people and an intense, gripping fear.  Sebastian can’t entirely suppress his startle reflex, but Stefano pats his arm under the guise of using him for support, and by the time Stefano is transferring himself into the chair, Sebastian has himself back together.

 

Getting into the passenger seat of the jeep proves to be difficult for Stefano because it’s a pretty big step up, so Sebastian ends up supporting him as he climbs into the seat.  “Do you have any stitches I should be worried about?” Sebastian asks, probably a little too late to do any good, but suddenly concerned that they might be doing some king of damage to Stefano’s healing body.

 

“No,” Stefano replies.  “They took those out.  I am just a bit sore at the moment.”

 

Stefano looks more than ‘a bit sore’ but Sebastian is at least satisfied that they’re not pulling on any sutures, so he gives Stefano a nod and closes the door behind him.  He circles to the driver’s side and gets in, starting the engine and pulling out of the hospital parking lot before he looks over at Stefano again.  Stefano is gazing steadily out the window, and he’s probably just tired from the effort of getting dressed and getting in the car, but Sebastian is struck with the fear that Stefano is checking out on him again.

 

“Hey,” he says quietly.  “Are you alright?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, but it seems rehearsed, automatic, and Sebastian’s relief at finally having Stefano restored to health and out of the hospital is quickly being replaced by a sort of resignation, a tightness in his jaw as he realizes how many times in Stefano’s life he has probably been transported somewhere for someone else’s purposes, and as much as he wants to just wave his hand and change everything about Stefano’s mindset, that’s not how these things work.  The most he can do is to make sure Stefano is safe from Slade’s crew and safe from Mobius and provide him an environment where he can learn how to take back control of his own life.

 

The enormity of the task is just starting to sink in when he pulls into his driveway.  He cuts off the engine, jumps out, and quickly circles to the passenger’s side, offering his hand to Stefano, who takes it and allows Sebastian to help him down to the ground, but waves him off to walk up to the front door by himself.

 

“I am perfectly capable of walking,” he tells Sebastian with a raised eyebrow, and Sebastian smiles to see a little bit of sarcasm coming through Stefano’s otherwise subdued demeanor.  Stefano has been doing a bit of walking at the hospital during his recovery, though Sebastian still isn’t sure he should be walking around unattended.

 

Sebastian walks ahead a little to unlock the door, though he keeps one eye on Stefano in case it turns out that he’s overestimated his walking abilities.  They make it through the front door without incident, and Stefano pauses in the living room while Sebastian locks the door behind them.  Even though there hasn’t been any sign of Mobius activity lately, they can’t be too careful.

 

When he turns away from the door, Sebastian realizes suddenly that he never has visitors except for Joseph, who can’t really be called a guest.  Myra was the one who had all of the hosting instincts, so he’s at a bit of a loss.  “Would… would you like to sit down or lie down or…”  He fumbles for words as he tries to think of what Stefano might like right now.  “…food… I also have food,” he offers, realizing that he sounds like an idiot.  Stefano lets out a snort of laughter, then immediately brings a hand to his side, face contorting in pain.

 

“Sorry,” Sebastian says quickly.  “Sorry.  I’ll try not to be so hilarious.”

 

Stefano smiles and takes a deep breath, straightening up again.  “I am alright,” he says.

 

“Are you hungry?” Sebastian asks.

 

“No,” Stefano replies.  “Just a bit tired.”

 

“Oh, the bedroom’s right through here,” Sebastian says, beckoning Stefano after him as he leads the way down the hall to his bedroom.  He’s relieved that he at least thought ahead enough to change the sheets and put a clean towel in the bathroom.  “Make yourself comfortable.  Take a shower, lie down, whatever you want.  If you want to change clothes, you can wear anything of mine,” he says, gesturing at his dresser.

 

Stefano looks a little shell-shocked, but he probably just needs some time to settle in, so Sebastian adds, “I’m going to go make some coffee.  Just let me know if you want food later.  We can order something.”  He’s not sure that it’s fair to inflict his cooking on Stefano so early on.

 

“A shower would be nice,” Stefano says.  “Would you mind helping me for a moment?”  He gestures at his T-shirt, and Sebastian nods and helps to slip it off over his head.

 

“Thank you,” Stefano says.  “I can take it from here.”  There isn’t a lot of emotion in his voice, but he does sound like he’s made up his mind, and Sebastian supposes that is some small victory.

 

He leaves Stefano in the bedroom and heads down the hall into the kitchen.  He’s craving a cup of coffee, which he supposes is better than craving the alcohol and cigarettes he has inadvertently given up cold turkey while he’s been watching over Stefano in the hospital.  It’s probably for the best, and maybe he and Stefano can both start over and learn to live without their substances.  It actually stops Sebastian in his tracks for a moment, because even though he’s known the whole time that the whiskey and cigarettes numbed the pain of losing Myra and Lily, this is the first time he has realized that he was using them the same way Stefano was using cocaine- a temporary balm for an unendurable situation. 

 

He starts the coffeemaker and gets out two mugs, just in case Stefano wants to join him.  It’s about the same time that the coffee is finished brewing that he hears the shower water running.  He considers going to the bathroom to make sure that Stefano doesn’t need his help, but decides against it.  Stefano has been pretty good about asking for help when he needs it, and Sebastian doesn’t want to be overbearing while he is trying to relearn how to be independent.

 

So while the shower runs, he sits on the couch, sipping his coffee and staring in the general direction of the TV, which is playing a movie he’s seen before, and wondering what the hell he is going to do with Stefano.  Somehow in his mind, all they needed to do was get out of STEM and make sure that Stefano survived his injuries, and then everything would be okay, but now he is starting appreciate how far from okay things are, how much both of them still need to recover.

 

He is so lost in thought that he doesn’t even know Stefano is in the room until the couch dips beside him and he looks over to see Stefano, shirtless and still wearing his old sweatpants.  His hair is a little damp, but he looks more alert than he has been a while.

 

“Hey,” Sebastian says, unable to suppress a grin at the sight of Stefano in his clothes again.  They are so different from Stefano’s normal wardrobe, and before now he would never have pictured Stefano in casual clothes.  “Want some coffee?”

 

“No, thank you,” Stefano replies.  “Can I ask you something?”

 

“Anything,” Sebastian says.  He immediately wonders if he sounds too eager, and the way Stefano’s mouth twitches seems to confirm this, but at least Stefano doesn’t seem upset.

 

“Would you come and lie down with me for a little while?” Stefano asks.  “I do not think I want to be alone right now.”

 

“Of course,” Sebastian says, because lying down with Stefano sounds like a very pleasant way to spend the afternoon.  He is already setting his mug down on the coffee table and rising to his feet when he realizes that he should probably make sure he knows exactly what Stefano means.  “This is just lying down, right?  I mean, you don’t think I’m going to…?”  He can’t even bring himself to finish the sentence, because he can’t imagine what kind of man would take advantage of Stefano in his current state, but he is sure that Stefano has known some men like that.

 

Stefano is on his feet now as well, and something that looks a lot like disappointment flashes across his face before he rearranges his features into a more neutral expression.  “If that is what you prefer,” he says, eye fixed on some point behind Sebastian.  He turns to head back to the bedroom, but Sebastian reaches out to touch his shoulder, and Stefano turns back around to face him.

 

“You know it’s not that I don’t want to, right?” Sebastian asks, because no matter how much he wants to keep Stefano safe, he hates to disappoint him.  “I just don’t think this is the right time.”

 

Stefano gives him a faint smile.  “I am not accustomed to there being a ‘wrong time’ for that, but I will certainly respect your wishes.”

 

Sebastian nods and lets him go, even though he wants to make a point about Stefano’s wishes and how they deserve to be respected as well, but maybe this isn’t the time to start that particular discussion.  He follows Stefano into the bedroom.  He’s only momentarily taken aback when Stefano strips off his pants and underwear, because of course Stefano sleeps naked.  He already knew that or should have known it. 

 

Sebastian, being not quite as accustomed to total nudity when he’s not being intimate with someone, just removes his T-shirt and jeans, leaving his underwear on.  He tosses his clothes into the hamper and turns back to the bed to see that Stefano is already under the sheet with his back to Sebastian.  The afternoon light filtering in through the window makes his bed look soft and inviting, though he is a little concerned that Stefano is facing away from him.

 

Sebastian heaves a sigh, because Stefano is still sending so many mixed signals.  Sebastian can’t blame him because Stefano probably doesn’t even know what he wants himself, much less how to communicate that to anyone else.  It’s not his fault, and it’s not Sebastian’s fault, and it still makes Sebastian so angry to think that Slade and Riker were able to do this to Stefano, that they systematically, over the course of years, managed to break him down into what he is now.

 

He lets the anger go, because it’s not going to help at all in their current situation, and slides under the covers with Stefano.  He’s about to ask what he can do to help, but Stefano is already turning toward him, his face contorting in pain as he rolls over.

 

“Easy,” Sebastian says, reaching out to Stefano.  He’s unsure of where he can place his hands on Stefano’s body that won’t cause him additional pain, but then Stefano’s arms are wrapped around his shoulders, and Stefano’s chest is pressed against his, and Stefano’s face is buried in his neck.  He lets his own arm come to rest around Stefano’s waist, palm splayed at the small of his back.

 

“How are you feeling?” he asks, breathing in the smell of Stefano’s freshly washed hair.  His hand rubs up and down Stefano’s back as he waits for his answer.  Stefano’s skin is so warm, and he smells fantastic, and if he wasn’t so focused on making sure that Stefano is comfortable, he would be having some very different thoughts right about now.

 

Stefano draws in a long breath before he answers.  “Sore.”

 

“Where?” Sebastian asks.  “Show me.”

 

Stefano eases himself onto his back, catching Sebastian’s wrist and bringing Sebastian’s hand toward his abdomen.  Sebastian resists at first, afraid to actually touch Stefano there, so Stefano raises Sebastian’s hand to his mouth and kisses his palm.  “It’s alright,” he whispers.  “I trust you.  You’ve always been very gentle with me.”

 

Sebastian nods, and Stefano guides his hand back down and places it on his belly.  Sebastian keeps his touch light, keeps his eyes on Stefano’s face, because even though this isn’t really an especially private place to touch someone, it still feels pretty intimate right at this moment.  Stefano is staring steadily back at him.  His gaze feels almost magnetic, and before he realizes what he is doing, Sebastian is leaning over and pressing his lips to Stefano’s.

 

Even though the kiss is chaste and gentle, Sebastian pulls back as soon as he comes to his senses.  “Sorry,” he says quickly, because he isn’t sure if Stefano is ready for anything like this, and he can’t believe he let himself get so carried away by his own emotions.  “Was that-?”

 

“That was lovely,” Stefano replies with a smile, one of his hands is already behind Sebastian’s head, guiding him in close again.  One kiss leads to another and another, but these aren’t the deep, passionate kisses of lovers.  They are soft and sweet and Sebastian tries to put all of the feelings he has for Stefano into each one.  When he finally breaks off the kisses to just rest his head on the pillow beside Stefano’s, his mouth next to Stefano’s ear, Stefano murmurs, “Is everything alright?”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian whispers.  “I mean, maybe not right now, but it will be.”  He pauses.  “What about you?”

 

“The same, I think” Stefano replies.  “Getting a little better every day.”

 

Sebastian smiles and kisses his cheek, rubbing his hand across Stefano’s belly before realizing that maybe he shouldn’t do that.  “Is this-?” he begins, nodding at his hand.

 

“Yes, that’s alright,” Stefano replies, arching his back in a stretch before he relaxes completely under Sebastian’s hand.

 

Sebastian makes some tentative circles, very aware of the recent surgical scar under his hand.  It’s certainly not the most dramatic of Stefano’s scars, but it’s enough to remind him that he needs to be careful, that Stefano is probably still hurting, but his breathing is slow and even, and his hand is caressing the side of Sebastian’s face.

 

Stefano sighs, pressing his head back farther into the pillow as Sebastian continues his gentle massage.  “Still okay?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano says breathlessly.  “That’s very nice.”  He pauses.  “Why are you letting me stay with you?”

 

“Shhh,” Sebastian whispers, pressing another kiss to Stefano’s cheek.  “If I tell you, you’re going to want to argue with me about it.  Just let me take care of you for now.  We can talk about it later when you’re stronger.”

 

Stefano nods and whispers a ‘thank-you’ before he lets his hand drop back to the bed beside him and relaxes completely.  Sebastian rubs and massages and kisses him until he’s sure Stefano is asleep, then shifts his arm up to drape across Stefano’s chest so that he won’t have to worry about accidentally putting too much weight on him.  Stefano’s scent surrounds him as he dozes off himself.  He doesn’t know how he’s going to convince Stefano that he cares about him, that Stefano is worthy of his affection, but at least it sounds like Stefano is going to give him the chance to try.

 

 

 


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You said that you would tell me why you are letting me stay here,” Stefano says. “Yesterday before we went to sleep.”
> 
> “Right,” Sebastian says, his heart feeling heavy, because he’s not sure that Stefano is in a place where he will be able to hear this the right way, to understand what Sebastian really means. He’s not sure if Stefano will ever be able to grasp what he is saying, or whether his time at Slade’s had corrupted his mind too much, but he has to try. He draws in his breath to speak, but Stefano speaks first.
> 
> “I have been many things to many people, Sebastian,” he says. “Who do I need to be for you?”

When Sebastian opens his eyes, he is confused for a number of reasons. First of all, he is in his own bed, not uncomfortably arranged between two hospital chairs, and he is surrounded by softness and the smell of home. He breathes it in deeply, trying to remember the last time he felt so safe, so content to simply wake up in his bed, and that’s when he realizes he’s not alone.

Stefano is lying beside him, not quite touching him, but very close, and his chest is rising and falling slowly as though he is still in a deep sleep. Sebastian shifts carefully onto his side, trying not to jostle the mattress too much so that he won’t wake Stefano. The light coming in through the blinds suggests that it’s early morning, which means they’ve slept for over twelve hours, but Sebastian doesn’t doubt they both needed it.

Stefano looks so utterly relaxed that it makes Sebastian’s breath catch in his throat, brings back that tight feeling in his chest, but for a better reason this time. He’s seen Stefano endure so much stress and fear and pain that just looking at him like this, knowing that he is safe and that Sebastian is going to make damn sure he stays that way, is an incredible relief. He wants to reach out and touch him, to take him in his arms, but he is sure that Stefano has been roused out of sleep before by less considerate hands, and he doesn’t want to do anything to bring to mind that kind of experience. So he simply waits and watches.

Apparently he also falls back asleep himself, because the next thing he knows, Stefano’s hands are at his waist and Stefano’s mouth is kissing its way down his chest, leaving a trail of heat and excitement and need, and Stefano’s hands are tugging at his underwear.  It’s all sort of hazy and pleasant and vaguely exciting when suddenly Sebastian processes what’s going on and his eyes snap open. He reaches down, taking Stefano by the shoulders.

“Hey,” he says, voice still thick with sleep. He’s a bit alarmed by how quickly the situation has taken on a sexual overtone until he remembers that this isn’t the first time Stefano has woken him up this way, that maybe this is just force of habit for Stefano. He fumbles for what to say next, but settles on, “Good morning.”

“It is a good morning, Sebastian,” Stefano says, voice as smooth as silk. He plants a kiss on Sebastian’s belly, just above the band of his underwear. “But I think I can make it better.”

Sebastian is momentarily at a loss for words, because he is already half-hard and Stefano’s warm breath on his cock is highly distracting, but he makes an effort to collect himself and swallows hard. “Actually, could you come up here?” he asks, nodding at the pillow next to his head. “I think it would be really nice just to lie with you right now.”

Stefano’s face falls for a moment, and Sebastian makes a mental note of how careful he is going to have to be in explaining this to Stefano.  He doesn’t want Stefano to feel like Sebastian is rejecting him, but he can’t accept this kind of attention from him right now.  They need to be on equal footing before they do anything else, because he would never want Stefano to do any of these things out of some perceived obligation, and more importantly because he never wants to be like Slade. Of course, Stefano has probably been rejected in the past for other reasons, so it stands to reason that he’s a little sensitive about this.

Stefano sits up, grimacing as he does so, and scoots up the bed to lie down with his head on the pillow next to Sebastian’s so that their faces are close together. “You said that you still wanted me.” His voice is small, and Sebastian can hear a faint tremor in it. “You said that I was not used up, that I was still worth something.” He takes a deep breath. “Why do you not want me now, Sebastian?”

“I do,” Sebastian says, gazing back at Stefano. “But it’s not that simple. You’ve been through so much, and-”

“And does that mean I am unable to choose what I want?” Stefano interrupts. His voice is still pleasant, but there is a hard edge to it and the way he stares back at Sebastian is almost a glare, a challenge. “Does that mean that my desires do not matter?”

“No, Stefano,” Sebastian responds quickly, his hand finding its way back to Stefano’s shoulder. “But to do something like this, we both have to be comfortable, and after everything that’s happened, I’m not sure I’m ready…”

It’s the truth, and the more Sebastian thinks about it, the more he realizes that he can’t tell Stefano whether he is ready to do this or not, but he knows that he himself isn’t ready, that he can’t do this until he is more sure of how Stefano is thinking about it, that Stefano doesn’t see him as a client or a master of some sort. Apparently he’s presenting it in a way that is more palatable to Stefano, because Stefano’s face softens immediately, and he brings his hand to Sebastian’s cheek.

“Oh, Sebastian,” he whispers. “Of course. I forget how much you have been through as well.” He sighs, thumb gently brushing Sebastian’s face. “Please excuse me. I only wanted to ease your pain, and I am afraid I got a bit carried away.”

“No need to apologize,” Sebastian says, wrapping his arms fully around Stefano and pulling him in for a careful hug. “I want to do those things- I really do- but we need some more time to heal.” He pauses, remembering how much healing Stefano is still doing. “Speaking of which, how are you feeling physically?”

“Still rather sore,” Stefano replies, though it’s a little hard to understand him when his face is buried in Sebastian’s chest.

“Would it help if I put my hands on you?” Sebastian asks in a flash of inspiration. “You know, like last night?”

“Yes,” murmurs Stefano. “I think that would be very nice.”

“Turn around,” Sebastian says, reluctantly loosening his grip on Stefano so that he can reposition himself. Sebastian helps him turn over and lie down with his back against Sebastian’s chest, because Stefano still moves with some difficulty and apparent discomfort.

Sebastian props himself up on one arm and wraps the other around Stefano. His hand is splayed across Stefano’s chest at first, before he begins to stroke carefully up and down. Stefano is tense under his hands at first, and Sebastian feels a pang of sympathy, of regret for how Stefano has been handled in the past to make him like this, but he keeps his movements slow and gentle, and within seconds, Stefano is breathing out a sigh and relaxing back into him.

His hand moves in slow, easy circles on Stefano’s chest and abdomen, and Stefano breathes in time with him.  It is only when he happens to venture a bit lower than usual on one stroke that he becomes very aware of the fact that Stefano is naked and that he is dangerously close to touching some more intimate areas. For the moment, his hand is still safely on Stefano’s abdomen, but he’s only a few inches away from a very different kind of touch.

Stefano doesn’t seem bothered at all though. In fact, he stretches, arching his back and pressing into Sebastian’s hand as though he is enjoying the contact, and Sebastian releases the breath he’s been holding and continues to rub him. Even though he is careful not to go any lower, he can’t help but notice the change in Stefano’s breathing as his hand moves over him. His breaths are coming faster and harder, and Sebastian is afraid at first that he is in pain, but when he tries to peek over Stefano’s shoulder to get a look at his face, he can see that Stefano’s hand is pressed between his legs, covering himself the same way Sebastian remembers him doing once before when they were together at Slade’s house.

Stefano must feel his shift in position, because he opens his eye and turns to look up at Sebastian.  When he sees where Sebastian’s gaze is directed, he immediately blurts out, “I am sorry. I did not mean-”

“Stop,” Sebastian says firmly, punctuating the word with a kiss to Stefano’s shoulder. “It’s alright.” He isn’t sure that he entirely understands Stefano’s reaction, but he has enough pieces of the puzzle to guess at what’s going on here. He remembers Stefano telling him that it’s difficult for him to become aroused, and he’s seen Riker punish Stefano twice for exactly that, heard Riker tell Stefano that no one wants to see him like that.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, but before Stefano can answer, Sebastian realizes that the muscles of his forearm are taut, that he is squeezing himself much harder than must be comfortable. “Hey,” Sebastian says, taking hold of his forearm. “Ease up. It’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Stefano releases his hold, breath coming hard and fast, and even though he’s still partially covered by the sheet, Sebastian can see that if he was aroused, he isn’t anymore.

“I am sorry,” Stefano whispers. “I am usually in much better control of myself than that.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Sebastian replies. “That’s a natural reaction to being touched that way.”

“I am aware of that, but surely you do not wish to see me in that state,” Stefano says.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Sebastian asks.  It takes all of his resolve not to start telling Stefano how wrong he is, but if they’re going to work through this he needs to know what Stefano is thinking.

“I was not allowed to have that reaction in front of the clients,” Stefano explains.  He seems to have caught his breath a bit, but his gaze is focused on the sheets beside him rather than on Sebastian.

“Didn’t the clients want to see you enjoying yourself?” Sebastian asks in some confusion, because even if he was paying for sex for some reason, he would want his partner to be deriving some pleasure from the experience.

Stefano still doesn’t meet Sebastian’s eyes, but he answers, “I do not think the clients cared very much one way or the other, but Riker seemed to be specifically offended if I… was in that condition... whether I was with him or a client.”

It makes Sebastian’s chest ache to hear this, but he pushes those feelings down, because there are things he needs to tell Stefano. He wraps his arm around Stefano’s chest and presses another kiss to his shoulder before he begins. “Stefano, I’ve said this before, but there’s so much that Riker was wrong about- this especially-, and if you and I are going to be doing more of… this-” He gives Stefano a little squeeze for emphasis. “- then you need to know that it doesn’t bother me at all if you’re getting excited. Quite the opposite, actually.”

“I know,” Stefano replies, placing his own hand over Sebastian’s. “Or at least I know that you have said that before. It is simply a difficult habit to break. For years, I have been punished for that, and I suppose I am still anticipating that punishment.”

“I would never-”

“I know, Sebastian. I know,” Stefano says, patting his hand. “But my body is still expecting it.”

“Did Riker do that a lot?” Sebastian asks. He would like to think that what he observed was some kind of anomaly, but the fact that it happened twice in the space of a few days suggests otherwise.

“Quite often,” Stefano replies matter-of-factly. “Sometimes he would…” he sighs, pressing back against Sebastian, and Sebastian just holds him and waits. Stefano is clearly working hard to help him understand, and this can’t be an easy thing to talk about. “…he would touch me, stimulate me until I reached that point so that he could discipline me,” he finishes with a shudder.

He looks over his shoulder to meet Sebastian’s eyes. “You have been so kind to me, and I want to please you, but I am afraid my body no longer works in that way.”

The words wash over Sebastian, leaving him feeling both empty and as though his heart is overflowing with feelings for Stefano, with the need to comfort Stefano, so he gathers him up in his arms. Stefano grunts softly as Sebastian turns him around so that they are face to face, but in the next moment he is wrapped around Sebastian, face pressed into his chest. Sebastian holds him close and lowers his head to whisper in his ear.

“There is nothing wrong with your body, and I’m sure everything works just fine. You just need some time to relearn what all of these things are supposed to be like when you feel safe, when you’re doing them because you want to.”

Stefano nods against his chest before he speaks. “I think it may take some time though. Will you not let me do something for you in the meantime?”

“You’re already doing something for me,” Sebastian says, tightening his arms around Stefano. “I haven’t held anyone like this in years.”

“Nor have I,” Stefano replies, snuggling closer. It still brings a lump to Sebastian’s throat to think about everything that’s happened to him, but at least they are here together now.

Sebastian falls asleep for a little while longer, and apparently Stefano does as well, because when Sebastian next opens his eyes, Stefano is lying half on top of him and snoring gently. The sunlight coming through the blinds suggests that it is now a much more reasonable time to wake up, but he doesn’t want to move just yet. He is too comfortable right where he is.

Unfortunately, his stomach chooses this moment to remind him that in all of the excitement of bringing Stefano home, he hasn’t eaten since breakfast yesterday. He can feel Stefano shift in his sleep, and when his stomach growls again Stefano’s shoulders start to shake in silent laughter. Then Sebastian is laughing too, until Stefano winces, curling in on himself.

“Sorry,” Sebastian says. “Remember, no laughing until you’re better.”

“Apparently,” Stefano replies with a raised eyebrow. “Do we need to get you some food?”

“Yeah, I’d say so,” Sebastian replies, before realizing that Stefano probably hasn’t eaten any more recently than he has. “Aren’t you starving too?”

Stefano pauses for a moment and seems to be considering. “I am not sure,” he replies. “The drugs have confused my metabolism quite a bit.”

“You should eat,” Sebastian says. “Stay right here. I’ll make something.” He eases out from under Stefano and retrieves a clean pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt from his dresser.

When he gets to the kitchen, he realizes that it’s almost noon. At first he can’t believe he’s slept this long, but maybe that’s not so ridiculous considering the fact that for the past two weeks he’s been sleeping in a chair in a hospital room, on the floor at Beacon, and on a crappy motel mattress. He actually feels like he could sleep for another ten or twelve hours no problem if he wasn’t so hungry. He starts the coffee maker and turns on the oven, deciding to stick with heating up some bagels since he’s not sure if Stefano is up for anything more complicated.

He has just arranged them on the oven rack and set the timer when he turns around to see Stefano standing in the kitchen doorway. He is bracing himself slightly on the wall, but otherwise seems to be getting around okay. He’s managed to pull on a pair of sweatpants, and he’s holding one of Sebastian’s T-shirts in his hand.

Maybe it’s the lighting or just another day’s worth of perspective, but Stefano’s injuries, even mostly healed, suddenly seem much more pronounced. He still has noticeable bruising over much of his torso, and of course the surgical scar is hard to miss. When Sebastian’s eyes flick back up to Stefano’s face, the expression there tells him that he’s been staring, and not in a good way.

“I’m sorry,” he says, stepping in closer to Stefano and taking the shirt from him so that he can help him put it on. “I just still feel like shit about all of this. I shouldn’t have let this happen.” He pulls the shirt over Stefano’s head.

“You cannot keep worrying about this,” Stefano says with a faint smile, as though he has grown used to Sebastian’s worrying. He smooths the shirt down and adds, “You were there when it mattered.”

“I guess so,” Sebastian says. “Wait, didn’t I say I was making you breakfast in bed?”

Stefano’s smile widens. “It is hardly breakfast time. And besides, I do not intend to stay in bed forever.”

“Maybe not,” Sebastian counters, “but you’re supposed to be resting. Why don’t you go sit down on the couch. I’ll bring you some coffee.”

“Alright,” Stefano replies. “Do you by chance get a newspaper?”

Sebastian laughs at that, because he does actually get a newspaper delivered, and yesterday he shoveled about ten of them off the front porch and into the hall closet. “Yeah, let me get it though.”

Even with Myra’s assurances and Mobius’ conspicuous absence from their lives recently, he doesn’t want to let Stefano open the front door unattended just yet. Part of him is still terrified that Mobius is coming back for one or both of them, and he is not giving up Stefano without a fight.

When he opens the door, the front yard appears to be safe enough, though it is hot and muggy outside. He grabs the paper, then closes and re-locks the door before he hands it to Stefano, who is seated on the couch with one leg crossed over the other.

He returns to the kitchen and pours the coffee, feeling a little pang of nostalgia at the simple act of filling up two mugs instead of one. In fact, it’s actually Myra’s mug Stefano is drinking out of, but Sebastian doesn’t think she would mind, especially since her last letter indicates that she seems to be looking out for both of them. He carries the mugs into the living room, sitting down next to Stefano and setting both mugs on the coffee table.

“Anything interesting in there?” he asks, as Stefano seems to be engrossed in the newspaper.

“A lot of talk about MS13,” Stefano replies, turning the page. “And the opioid crisis,” he adds. It sounds like an afterthought, but it tickles something in the back of Sebastian’s mind… something that Slade said about his escorts.

He thinks on it for a moment, because the opioid crisis is something KCPD- and most other urban police departments- have been dealing with for months if not years. It seems like people have been overdosing left and right on heroin and other opioid narcotics, but after learning more about Slade’s operation, after realizing that at least a few of the deaths they’ve been blaming on overdoses were actually the end result of Mobius’ experiments, Sebastian is wondering if there’s an opioid crisis at all.

“Stefano,” he begins, “do you think all of this opioid stuff has something to do with Mobius?”

“Yes of course,” Stefano replies, setting down the paper and picking up his coffee mug. “I thought we had already established that.”

“No, not just here in Krimson, and not just the people we know about,” Sebastian says quickly. “I mean, what about in other cities?”

“Oh,” Stefano breathes, pausing with his mug halfway to his mouth. Sebastian can see the moment it clicks, the moment Stefano thinks what he just started thinking himself. If Mobius was behind the overdose-related deaths in Krimson, they might be behind others as well. It might even be a way to track Mobius or locate hotspots for their activity.

Stefano takes a sip of coffee before he speaks. “It is certainly possible. It did seem that people- both clients and escorts- were overdosing at Slade’s while I was working there, although I now believe that most of them were actually being taken to Beacon.”

Sebastian nods. “Slade told me a lot of his escorts overdosed. I think that was his cover to explain the high turnover rate. And of course the only people who stuck around long enough to have any idea what was really going on were the ones who were in on it.”

“And me,” Stefano adds bitterly. “I think Slade saw me as a bit of a liability, but he needed me there to keep Riker happy. I suppose in a strange way, he’s the reason I lasted as long as I did.”

Sebastian frowns, because it’s hard to imagine anything good coming of Stefano’s involvement with Riker. He remembers what Riker told him about his fixation on Stefano, how determined he was to break him down. Perhaps in some ways he succeeded, but not entirely. Stefano still has a certain dignity, a kind of inner strength, and Sebastian realizes quite suddenly that he and Riker were attracted to Stefano by exactly the same quality. Of course, he wants to nurture it while Riker saw it as something to destroy, but it is still a fairly sobering revelation.

Sebastian picks up his coffee mug and takes a drink, and he Stefano sit in companionable silence for several minutes, sipping coffee while Stefano flips idly through the paper, until the oven timer announces that the bagels are done toasting. Sebastian finishes off three of them on his own, while Stefano doesn’t eat nearly enough in Sebastian’s opinion. He can only hope that Stefano’s metabolism will sort itself out as he spends more time off the drugs.

Sebastian does try to convince him to eat more of course, but Stefano politely refuses, and then his face gets very serious for a moment.  He sets down his mug and turns his gaze on Sebastian. “You said that you would tell me why you are letting me stay here,” he says. “Yesterday before we went to sleep.”

“Right,” Sebastian says, his heart feeling heavy, because he’s not sure that Stefano is in a place where he will be able to hear this the right way, to understand what Sebastian really means. He’s not sure if Stefano will ever be able to grasp what he is saying, or whether his time at Slade’s had corrupted his mind too much, but he has to try. He draws in his breath to speak, but Stefano speaks first.

“I have been many things to many people, Sebastian,” he says. “Who do I need to be for you?”

Sebastian is struck dumb by how much is wrong with everything Stefano is saying, and he fumbles for a moment, unsure how to even begin to respond.

“Yourself,” he finally manages to say, though he feels so disconnected from Stefano right at this moment that he’s not sure at all that his message is getting through. “I want you to be yourself. That’s why I asked you before if any of this was real.”  He gestures back and forth between them.

“I remember,” Stefano replies thoughtfully, “though I was feeling rather poorly at the time.”  He pauses.  “I am afraid I do not know how much of myself is left.”

“There’s still something there,” Sebastian says, and he is sure of it. He may have only caught a few glimpses of the real Stefano, but they’ve left a strong impression on him. “I know it may not seem like much right now, but there’s something there. I can tell. There was enough for me to get to know you.”

“Are you sure?” Stefano asks. “Are you sure that what attracts you is who I am and not who I can be for you?”

“I don’t understand,” Sebastian says. He doesn’t like where this conversation is heading.

“I have become quite skilled at knowing what people need from me,” Stefano explains. “With Slade’s clients it was quite simple. They wanted some kind of release. And Slade would allow them to get that release any way that they wanted- sex, violence, humiliation.” He shivers.

“Stefano, you don’t have to-” Sebastian begins, reaching out to place a hand on Stefano’s knee.

“No, Sebastian,” Stefano says, and Sebastian falls quiet. “Let me speak.”

Sebastian nods, because clearly Stefano has something he needs to say. He pulls his hand back, because Stefano isn’t really responding to his touch, and it seems like it might be the wrong time to touch him.

Stefano takes a deep breath before he continues. “Most of them were fairly unimaginative. They just wanted to use my mouth, to fuck me.” Sebastian flinches at the word ‘fuck’, though in the context Stefano is using it now, it’s probably appropriate. He is sure that most of Slade’s clients were simply ‘fucking’ him, and that makes his chest feel a little tight, because Stefano deserves so much better than that.  He hopes that if he and Stefano ever get to that point, Stefano won’t think of it as ‘fucking’.

“Some of them could be quite violent,” Stefano says. “I suppose to them I was standing in for someone else in their lives, someone they couldn’t actually take out their anger on. Or perhaps they were simply violent people and Slade gave them an outlet for that impulse.” He pauses. “But at least those two types of people, I learned over time to tune out. They took what they wanted and left, and it did not matter whether I reacted at all. I could simply lie back and wait for it to be over.”

Sebastian swallows hard, fighting the urge to make some kind of comment about how awful that is. He starts to reach out again, but his hand drops to the couch between them as Stefano continues. “Riker was the worst… and the few clients who were like him- the ones who needed to see that they were causing pain instead of simply to punch or kick, the ones who needed to see the damage they were doing, to see how sick and disgusted and embarrassed I was by the things they did to me.”

Sebastian’s heart is pounding now, so hard that he is sure Stefano must be able to hear it. He is angry, not at Stefano of course, but at the men who hurt him, and it’s sometimes hard for him to control himself when he thinks about those men. It’s hard now, but he breathes deeply and reminds himself that Stefano is safe here with him now and that Stefano doesn’t need any more anger in his life.

Stefano looks up at Sebastian again. “You are something else entirely,” he says. “I cannot figure you out. What do you want from me? What do you need me to be?”

Sebastian shakes his head, because he’s still angry, and he’s not sure he can speak without sounding like he’s angry at Stefano.

“Do you need me to be Myra?” Stefano asks, leaning forward slightly. “Is that it?”

“Jesus, Stefano!” Sebastian splutters, almost sloshing his coffee onto himself in his haste to set it down and take Stefano by the shoulders. “No. Never.” He pauses, taking a breath to collect himself, because he is still agitated, but Stefano is looking at him earnestly. He feels like he’s been punched in the stomach, even though it doesn’t look like Stefano meant to offend him at all.

“Myra left a hole in my life… in me,” Sebastian begins, “but it’s not the kind of hole that can be filled by someone else. It’s something I have to deal with, something I have to learn to live with, and I think I’m closer to that now than I’ve ever been.” He sighs, because he can sort of see where Stefano got the idea he just voiced. “And you are helping with that,” he concedes. “I do feel a lot better when I’m around you, but I don’t want my old life back-”

He stops short because he almost can’t believe what he just said. Right up until now, he was pretty sure that he did want his old life back, that he would like nothing more than that.  Now that he says it out loud though, it makes sense.  That life is gone.  Myra and Lily are gone.

“I don’t want you to be Myra,” he says.  “I’m trying to start a new life, and if you want to be part of that, then I hope you’ll stay here as long as you want.”

Stefano nods. “I see,” he says. “Though I am still not sure I fully understand.”  He raises his hands, gently taking Sebastian’s face between them.  “This is all very new to me, but I am willing to try if it is with you.”

”That’s all I’m asking for,” Sebastian says.  He wants to say more, but then Stefano is leaning forward to press their lips together.


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s alright,” Sebastian soothes as he cups Stefano’s cheek in his hand. “You’re safe with me.” He sits up a little and leans in to place a kiss on Stefano’s eyebrow, then at his temple, then on his cheek. “And I like every part of you.”
> 
> Stefano’s mouth curves into a shy smile, and he turns his head to kiss Sebastian on the mouth again. This one is long and slow and deep, and when he takes Stefano’s face in his hands this time, there is no hesitation from either one of them.

 

 

Stefano’s kisses start out slow and tentative, almost clumsy in their uncertainty, and Sebastian is a little surprised at first.  Stefano has handled everything in the sexual realm with a confidence that appears entirely effortless, and he isn’t sure how to reconcile that with what is happening now until he realizes that kissing probably isn’t nearly as familiar to Stefano as most of the other things they’ve done together.

 

In fact, it was the kissing that took Stefano by surprise that morning in the hotel room, and Sebastian is struck by how much a simple kiss raised the intensity of that experience.  He had thought that being inside someone was about as intimate as one could be, but it was when his lips met Stefano’s that he truly felt connected to him, felt like they were sharing an experience rather than simply going through the motions.  So perhaps it isn’t so strange that Stefano’s mouth fumbles a little with his.  This isn’t part of Stefano’s escort repertoire- this is real.

 

Stefano’s hands slide down to fist in his T-shirt and pull him even closer, and Sebastian lets his own hands move from Stefano’s shoulders to his waist.  Stefano pauses for a moment, resting his forehead against Sebastian’s, then dives back in, lips pressing hard against Sebastian’s this time in a way that sets off a spark of arousal in his belly.  Stefano’s tongue is in his mouth and Stefano’s teeth are worrying at his lip, and against his better judgment, Sebastian is kissing back, matching Stefano’s intensity as his hands rub up and down Stefano’s back.

 

He is just starting to press Stefano back against the couch when he comes to his senses and pulls away.  Stefano blinks at him, his mouth slightly open and his pupil blown out with arousal as his shoulders heave with each breath.  “Why on earth did you stop?” he asks, and the genuine puzzlement on his face makes Sebastian want to laugh.

 

“I’m not stopping,” Sebastian reassures him.  “I’m just slowing down a little bit.  We don’t have to do anything-”

 

“Of course we don’t have to do anything,” Stefano cuts him off, heaving a sigh that is clearly exasperation.  “But I want to kiss you, and I want to please you, and I want you inside me again.”  He leans toward Sebastian, reaching out a hand to stroke his cheek.  “Don’t you remember last time?  How nice that was?”

 

Sebastian nods, because he does remember it, and even though he has mixed feelings about that whole experience, it was very pleasurable for him- physically at least.  He can’t recall it without feeling the cold, creeping dread that Stefano was gravely injured even at that point and that he was doing more damage by allowing what he did, but he did feel very close to Stefano during that time, and he still remembers the intense, gripping heat of Stefano’s body around his cock.

 

“That was great,” he says, “and we should definitely do that again, but you’re still healing.”

 

Stefano rolls his eye.  “I have performed with much worse injuries than this.”  Sebastian takes a breath, fully prepared to tell Stefano that’s exactly what he’s afraid of, but Stefano’s hand covers his mouth.  “And I know what you are going to say.  You are going to tell me that we can wait, that it will be different with you, but Sebastian, it would be different with you even if we did it now.  It will always be different with you.” 

 

Sebastian presses a gentle kiss to the palm of Stefano’s hand before Stefano moves it out of the way to allow him to speak.  “Of course it will be,” he says, “but please, let’s wait.  Let’s wait until we know it won’t hurt you.”

 

“Very well,” Stefano says with a sigh, “but I would like to kiss you some more.  Surely I cannot hurt myself too much doing that.”

 

“That’s true,” Sebastian observes, letting the corner of his mouth twitch up into a smile.  “Come here,” he says, sitting back on the couch and extending his hands to Stefano.

 

Sebastian does experience a moment of doubt as he takes Stefano’s hands and guides him onto his lap so that Stefano is straddling him on the couch.  He worries that this will put strain on Stefano’s body, that this is too much like something from Stefano’s life with Slade, but of course that could be said about anything intimate they do together.  At some point, it’s time to stop dwelling on the bad memories and make some more pleasant ones.  Fortunately, Stefano seems to be quite comfortable sitting on Sebastian’s thighs and his enthusiastic kisses quickly put Sebastian at ease.

 

When Stefano’s hands are resting on his shoulders, Sebastian lets his own hands move over Stefano’s body, exploring along with the passionate rhythm their kisses set- down to squeeze his hips and pull him even closer, then up along his chest, then around to his back.  It’s hard to concentrate when Stefano is using his lips and tongue and teeth to thoroughly distract him from what his own hands are doing, but every once in a while Stefano will moan or shiver or press into his hands and it thrills Sebastian to know that he is doing this, that he is making Stefano feel good.

 

His hands shift up to Stefano’s face, and he intends to cup Stefano’s cheeks in his hands as he kisses him, but the moment his left hand makes contact with the right side of Stefano’s face, Stefano goes tense.  It’s just for a split second, and Stefano corrects himself quickly and relaxes back into Sebastian’s lap, but it’s enough for Sebastian to know that something is wrong.  He pulls back from the kiss.

 

“I’m sorry,” he says, letting his left hand come to rest on Stefano’s shoulder.  “Should I not touch you there?”

 

“You can touch me wherever you like,” Stefano answers, and his delivery is so precise and so certain that Sebastian can tell he’s in escort mode again.  “But you do not need to bother with my face.  It is rather unsightly after all.”

 

“Did Riker tell you that?” Sebastian asks, making no effort to hide the bitterness in his voice.  He can feel the tension coiling in his chest at the idea of Riker telling Stefano that he was anything less than perfect, of Riker marking Stefano as his own.  He remembers Riker taunting Stefano about his face, about how no one would ever want him when he looks like this.  Sebastian is now fairly confident that part of the reason Riker did what he did to Stefano’s face was to have something to hold over him, some way to convince him that no one else would ever truly want him, and it hurts Sebastian to even have those kind of thoughts.

 

“Yes, many times,” Stefano replies with a nod, “but he did not have to tell me.  I have seen it, just as you have.”

 

Sebastian remembers the first time he saw it.  He was drowsy and disoriented from the drugs, but even then, it was just another part of Stefano that he wanted to explore.  If Sebastian is being brutally honest, it is hard for him to look at now, but only because he knows the truth and looking at Stefano’s face forces him to contemplate what that experience must have been like for Stefano, the pain and terror of being so thoroughly defiled by a man he had just met, a man he couldn’t refuse.  Even though it makes his chest feel tight to look at Stefano’s face, it doesn’t make him want Stefano any less.

 

“He was wrong,” Sebastian says, trying to put all of the conviction he feels into his words.  “He was wrong about everything.  There is nothing about you that’s unsightly at all.”

 

Stefano raises an eyebrow at him and lifts his own hand to push his hair back from his face, tucking it behind his ear.  “What about now?” he asks.

 

Sebastian smiles.  “Still nothing.”  He brings his hands to Stefano’s hips again, letting them rest there as he speaks.  “I do feel something when I look at your face, because I can’t imagine how much you’ve suffered, and I would do anything to take that away from you, but as far as I’m concerned, you’re perfect.”  He raises his left hand again, letting it hover in the air in front of Stefano’s face.  “Can I…?”

 

Stefano nods, though his gaze drops down to Sebastian’s lap as though he can’t bear to look.  Sebastian brings his hand to Stefano’s face again, fingertips tracing the intricate pattern of scars around his eye.  He stays away from his eye socket, because if what he saw at Slade’s is any indication, Stefano has probably had some bad experiences associated with that area.  His touch is light and he’s moving slowly, but he still comes to an abrupt stop when Stefano shudders under his hand.

 

“Okay?” he asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano whispers.  “Just… memories.”

 

“It’s alright,” Sebastian soothes as he cups Stefano’s cheek in his hand.  “You’re safe with me.”  He sits up a little and leans in to place a kiss on Stefano’s eyebrow, then at his temple, then on his cheek.  “And I like every part of you.”

 

Stefano’s mouth curves into a shy smile, and he turns his head to kiss Sebastian on the mouth again.  This one is long and slow and deep, and when he takes Stefano’s face in his hands this time, there is no hesitation from either one of them.  Then there is more kissing and more whispered words of comfort and a lot more of Stefano pressing up against him before Stefano’s hands find their way to the waistband of Sebastian’s pants.  They are just about to dip under it when Sebastian catches them, raising them up to his mouth to kiss the back of each one.

 

Stefano huffs in frustration.  “What is the matter now, Sebastian?”

 

Sebastian hesitates, because part of his brain is telling him that absolutely nothing is the matter, that he should put Stefano’s hands right back where they were and just sit back and enjoy.  He takes a deep breath, trying to collect himself, but before he manages to do so, Stefano speaks again.

 

“Are you having second thoughts about intercourse with men?” he asks.

 

Sebastian’s first reaction is to stifle a laugh at the word ‘intercourse’, which he does by bringing one of Stefano’s hands to his mouth again.  It reminds him of the first night he met Stefano.  He should have known that he wasn’t dealing with any ordinary sex worker when Stefano started using words like ‘intercourse’ and ‘fellatio’.

 

“No,” he says when he recovers, “it’s not that.”  Sebastian hasn’t given much thought to Stefano’s gender in the past two days, but he knows that he is attracted to Stefano, and he has a chance at happiness with Stefano, and he isn’t going to let anything stand in the way of that.  “I just don’t want to start something I’m not prepared to finish.”

 

“And who says you would not be able to finish?” Stefano asks with a bit of a smirk.  Sebastian can’t tell exactly where he’s going with this, and he is about to object that Stefano is going to hurt himself when Stefano shifts out of his lap to sit next to him.

 

“Just relax,” Stefano continues.  “Let me sit here beside you…”  One of his hands slips free of Sebastian’s and begins to trail down Sebastian’s chest.  “Let me touch you…”  Stefano’s hand slides lower to grip him through his sweatpants.  He’s not entirely hard yet, but he’s not far from it, and Stefano’s firm grip and Stefano’s voice in his ear are making it more and more difficult to remember why this isn’t a good idea.

 

He opens his mouth to make one last attempt to explain why they can’t do this, but Stefano cuts him off.  “You keep talking about what I want, Sebastian.”  He squeezes Sebastian’s cock gently, and Sebastian’s heart leaps into his throat.  “Well, this is what I want.”

 

It might be because all of the blood is rushing out of his brain to other parts of his body, but Sebastian now can’t think of a single reason why he shouldn’t just sit back and submit to Stefano’s hands.  He manages to gasp out, “Okay, just don’t exert yourself too much.”

 

Stefano grins triumphantly.  “Of course not,” he says, giving Sebastian another squeeze.  “Now, can we get you out of some of these clothes?”

 

Sebastian nods wordlessly and reaches for the hem of his shirt, pulling it up over his head and tossing it aside.  Stefano is tugging at his sweatpants, and he lifts his hips to allow them to slide down to his knees.  Sitting back against the couch and looking down at his lap, he is suddenly a little self-conscious, because he hasn’t taken much care with personal grooming since Myra left.  His eyes flick up to Stefano’s face, and apparently that’s not going to be a problem, because Stefano is looking him up and down with an approving smile.

 

Stefano turns his body to throw one leg over Sebastian’s thigh and leans up to kiss him again.  “Careful,” Sebastian murmurs when the kiss ends, because surely the way Stefano is twisting himself is hurting him.

 

“I am fine,” Stefano reassures him, bringing his lips to Sebastian’s neck.  His hand travels over Sebastian’s chest, smoothing down the coarse hairs even as he leaves goosebumps on Sebastian’s skin.  His fingers trace over a nipple, returning to squeeze it tightly, and Sebastian yelps in surprise, because the feeling is sharp, like a jolt of electricity, and he had no idea that was such a sensitive area.

 

“Are you alright?” Stefano asks, though he clearly isn’t too worried, because he doesn’t stop nibbling his way along Sebastian’s neck.

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian gasps.  “Just wasn’t expecting… that.”

 

“Has no one touched you here?” Stefano asks, just a moment before he delivers another rough squeeze.

 

“Fuck!” moans Sebastian.  “No, no one’s ever- fuck, Stefano!” he gasps, because Stefano’s mouth has closed over his other nipple, and it’s all hot, wet pressure that goes straight to his cock.  If he wasn’t hard before, he sure as hell is now, and then Stefano is actually biting down, making his cock twitch and his hips jerk up off the couch as he swears again and grabs Stefano’s hips just to have something to hold onto.

 

“That’s… oh fuck, Stefano, that’s good.”  He’s not sure he’s making any sense anymore as Stefano’s fingers and mouth work him over, and he is seconds away from bringing his own hand to his cock just to get some relief when Stefano pulls back with a mischievous smile.

 

“Think of all the things I can teach you,” he purrs, and Sebastian can only nod frantically and try to catch his breath before Stefano’s hand is sliding down his belly.  His cock is rock-hard, straining up toward Stefano’s fingers, and Sebastian spreads his legs apart in anticipation.  “Very good,” Stefano murmurs, his lips brushing against the shell of Sebastian’s ear.  “Make yourself comfortable.”

 

Then his hand is finally right where Sebastian needs it, and Sebastian can’t hold back any more, hips thrusting up, because he needs more of that heat, that pressure that Stefano’s hand is giving him.  Stefano makes a loose fist, lets Sebastian thrust into it as he squeezes gently.  Sebastian can’t make too much headway with the thrusting, because Stefano is still pinning one of his thighs to the couch, and the pressure there, the way his adrenaline soars as he struggles against Stefano is euphoric.

 

After a few minutes though, he is panting and collapsing back onto the couch, and Stefano is pressing a kiss to his ear.  “Are you going to let me do some of the work now?” Stefano asks, and Sebastian nods.

 

“Please,” he breathes, and Stefano chuckles but obliges.  His thumb swirls around the head of Sebastian’s cock, collecting pre-cum before he takes Sebastian fully in hand again and begins to make long, slow strokes up and down.  Stefano’s hands are soft and strong and gripping him just perfectly, but he still groans in frustration, because the pace is just a little too slow for him to get anywhere.

 

“Breathe, Sebastian,” Stefano whispers, and Sebastian does breathe and relax and focus on Stefano’s hand on his cock, and everything is alright because he is getting somewhere, and he is going to come- just not right now.  He lets his head fall back against the couch and closes his eyes and surrenders to warmth and pressure and the feeling of someone else manipulating his body, bringing him steadily closer to the edge.  And it does feel incredible to just let go, to put everything into Stefano’s very capable hands, and soon he is imagining what other things Stefano can do with those hands and with his mouth and what he might be able to do to please Stefano.  He is breathing hard again before he knows it, and he opens his eyes to see that Stefano is gazing intently at his face.

 

“It’s alright,” Stefano murmurs.  “You can move now.”  And that’s all it takes for Sebastian’s heart to start racing again, for him to brace his feet against the coffee table and push his hips up into Stefano’s hand as Stefano strokes down to the base of his cock.  One of Sebastian’s hands is gripping the couch, and the other is holding Stefano’s hip, and he’s leaning back hard again, eyes squeezed shut as he thrusts up into Stefano’s hand.

 

Stefano’s grip is firm and his timing is perfect, and his teeth are biting down hard on Sebastian’s nipple in a sharp burst of pleasure as Sebastian gives one more rough thrust and comes across his chest.  His hips jerk erratically a few more times as Stefano holds him and praises him and kisses his shoulder.

 

Sebastian is still struggling to catch his breath, still riding out the aftershocks of his orgasm, when he feels even more warm wetness on his chest and looks down to see that Stefano is actually licking him clean.

 

“Holy shit, Stefano,” he gasps.  “Are you trying to kill me?”

 

Stefano just hums noncommittally and finishes cleaning up Sebastian before he throws an arm over him and relaxes against his chest.  Sebastian wraps his arms around Stefano as well and leans down to kiss the top of his head.

 

“Thank you,” Sebastian says once he’s caught his breath.  “That was fantastic.  Was it… was all of that okay for you?”  He asks, because now that he’s thinking more clearly he’s worried that he’s crossed some sort of line, but Stefano only tightens his grip on Sebastian.

 

“That was lovely,” he says, voice sounding a little dreamy.  He draws in his breath and pauses for a moment before he continues, “I have seen many men in the throes of pleasure, but so rarely do I derive any enjoyment from it.  That was… I did not expect to be so affected myself.”

 

It is only then that Sebastian notices that Stefano is, indeed, hard, and that his erection is pressing against Sebastian’s hip.

 

“Can I…?” he begins.  “Is there something…?”

 

“Not at the moment,” Stefano replies.  “But perhaps later.  I am quite content as we are.”

 

Even though he would rather do something for Stefano, Sebastian is content as well.  The couch is comfortable, and Stefano is wrapped around him like a blanket, and he is still floating in a haze of pleasure and softness.  It is very regretfully that, fifteen minutes later, he decides that he should probably take a shower and put on some clean clothes, and it is very difficult to convince himself to leave Stefano’s embrace.

 

 

 

 

Sebastian spends the rest of the day sitting beside Stefano on the couch as they watch TV and try to catch up on all of the newspapers that have been piling up, looking for any signs of Mobius activity in the surrounding areas.  Even though Mobius clearly has vast resources at their disposal, Sebastian is pretty sure they’re going to want to replace the test subjects they were getting in Krimson, so he’s expecting to see an upturn in disappearances and overdose deaths in some other city- one that didn’t have them before.

 

Stefano is still quiet and hard to read, though he occasionally points out an article to Sebastian or asks a question about the investigation.  Sebastian manages to convince him that he’s hungry later in the evening, and they order a pizza.  Stefano is still picking at his food, but he’s definitely eating more than he did in the morning, which is enough for Sebastian right now.

 

An hour or so after dinner, Stefano goes off to take a shower, and Sebastian must be dozing off on the couch, because the next thing he knows, Stefano’s hand is on his shoulder.

 

“Come to bed?” Stefano asks.  The question is innocent enough, but it makes Sebastian a little nervous because the sly smile Stefano gives him reminds him a little too much of escort Stefano.  He is exhausted though, so coming to bed sounds like an excellent idea.

 

“Sure,” he answers.

 

“I might want to do more than just lie down with you this time,” Stefano warns.  “Is that going to upset you?”

 

“No,” Sebastian replies with a smile, because if Stefano is thinking about what he might want for himself, they are probably on the right track.  “No, that’s fine, as long as we’re careful.”

 

Stefano turns off the TV and takes Sebastian’s hand.  “Something tells me you will be careful enough for the both of us.”  He leads the way back to the bedroom, tugging Sebastian down onto the bed with him even though they are both fully clothed.

 

Sebastian laughs.  Stefano’s eagerness to get in bed with him is amusing, but more importantly it reassures him that Stefano really does want this.  He’s about to make some sort of comment to that effect, but Stefano’s mouth is on his again, warm and wet and needy, and Stefano is halfway on top of him, pinning him down on his back, and he has absolutely no complaints about any of that.

 

Stefano seems to have gained a lot of confidence in kissing even since earlier today, and the way his mouth moves against Sebastian’s, the way his tongue flicks out to tease Sebastian’s lips is already giving Sebastian some pretty indecent thoughts.  And Stefano seems to share them, because one of his legs has worked its way between Sebastian’s to press up against some very sensitive areas.

 

Sebastian pulls back from a particularly delicious kiss to look Stefano in the eye.  He is breathing hard- they are both breathing hard- and he _wants_ Stefano, wants to kiss him and hold him and touch him, and even though his hands are roaming over Stefano’s body on top of his clothes, it’s not enough.  “Can I touch you?” he murmurs, voice thick with arousal.

 

Stefano gives him a little smirk and rests his head on Sebastian’s shoulder.  “You _are_ touching me,” he points out, and Sebastian groans in frustration.

 

“You know that’s not what I meant,” he says, taking a few deep breaths to calm down, because he is very excited by lying under Stefano and kissing Stefano, and he needs his head to be clear so that he can read Stefano, can make sure that Stefano is actually enjoying himself and not just doing the things he thinks will please Sebastian.

 

Stefano moves his hands, which have been gripping Sebastian’s shoulders, to gently hold either side of Sebastian’s face.  “Touch me,” he whispers.  “I want to feel your fingers on my skin.”

 

Even though the words could belong to escort Stefano, the little blush that colors his cheek when he speaks them gives Sebastian some comfort that Stefano is voicing what he actually wants.  When he has seen Stefano embarrassed or uncomfortable it’s usually when he is trying to ask for something that he would enjoy himself, while his rehearsed lines and ingrained escort behavior are flawlessly smooth.

 

Sebastian carefully rolls Stefano off of him and onto his side, so that they are lying side by side facing each other.  He leans in for another kiss as one hand slips underneath Stefano’s T-shirt.

 

The first brush of his fingertips to Stefano’s skin makes them both gasp, and he breaks the kiss to rest his forehead against Stefano’s.  “Everything okay?” he murmurs as his fingers trail up and down Stefano’s side.

 

Stefano draws in his breath quickly again but nods.  “I am alright.  It just feels… new, I suppose?”  He lets out another little gasp as Sebastian’s hand slides around to the small of his back.  “I do not understand.  This should not be so novel for me.”

 

“Maybe you’re feeling some things that you haven’t let yourself feel before?” Sebastian suggests.  He’s no psychiatrist, but considering how often and how roughly Stefano has been handled by other men, how many of them have had their fingers on him and in him, it’s no surprise that Stefano can tune out physical contact when wants to.  What is surprisingly, and terribly humbling to Sebastian, is how hard Stefano must be working to turn off that instinct right now.

 

“Perhaps,” Stefano replies, his body now shaking under Sebastian’s fingers.

 

“It’s alright,” Sebastian soothes, his hand moving to Stefano’s waist to give him a gentle squeeze.  “It’s different when you’re with someone because you want to be.  Remember that morning in the motel?”  Sebastian can only hope that this is a good memory for Stefano as well as he certainly seemed to be enjoying himself at the time.

 

“Yes,” Stefano breathes.  “That was lovely.”

 

“And this will be too,” Sebastian says.  “We just need to take our time to get there, make sure that you’re feeling everything and that everything feels good to you.”

 

Stefano lets out a long breath and some of his shaking subsides.  “I am certainly feeling everything now.  I do not think anyone has touched me the way you do.”

 

“That’s because they were doing it wrong,” Sebastian says quickly, trying to cover the anger he feels at the idea that, up until now, Stefano has only been touched by people who had no regard for his comfort or his pleasure.

 

“Can you show me how to do it right?” Stefano asks in a small voice.  He scoots forward to bury his face in Sebastian’s neck, and Sebastian wraps his arm around him.

 

“Of course,” he murmurs back to him.  “I may not be an expert, but I’ll show you everything I know.”

 

Stefano pulls back to kiss him, and as his mouth moves against Sebastian’s, Sebastian’s fingers are gliding over his side, his chest, his abdomen, leaving goosebumps in their wake.  Stefano’s skin is soft and warm and soon Sebastian’s palm is resting flat against it, and Stefano is pressing up into his touch.  “Please,” Stefano gasps into Sebastian’s mouth.  “More.”

 

Sebastian isn’t sure exactly what ‘more’ means in this context, but luckily he doesn’t have to figure it out, because Stefano is guiding Sebastian’s hand down into his pants so that he can palm him through his underwear.  Stefano’s not hard at the moment, but he clearly wants Sebastian’s hand there, so Sebastian cups his hand around him, lightly squeezing and rubbing as Stefano gasps and moans against his mouth.

 

Much as he enjoys kissing Stefano, the way Stefano keeps pressing up against him is making the angle of his arm a little awkward.  “Can you turn around?” Sebastian asks.  “So I can do this better, I mean,” he adds, giving Stefano’s cock a little squeeze.  He certainly doesn’t want Stefano to think that he doesn’t want to look at him while they are having such a nice moment.

 

Stefano nods and rolls over, pressing his back to Sebastian’s front, and Sebastian manages to slide one arm under him to wrap around his chest, while the other comes over his hip to feel around inside his pants.

 

“Oh god,” Stefano moans as Sebastian presses his hand between his legs and begins to rub slowly, all the while kissing the back of his neck.  Stefano is so responsive this time, and every stroke of Sebastian’s hand is met with a little moan or a thrust of Stefano’s hips.  Soon Stefano is literally squirming against him, and Sebastian can only hold on and keep touching as best he can as Stefano’s body moves against his.

 

Then Stefano is lifting up his shirt, guiding Sebastian’s free hand to his chest so that he can tease and rub and gently pinch his nipple, and Stefano sighs so beautifully that Sebastian presses his lips to his neck again, hoping to convey everything he is feeling with that simple gesture.

 

They carry on like that for a few more minutes, Sebastian trying to gauge Stefano’s reactions and adjust his technique accordingly, and Stefano panting and writhing against Sebastian as Sebastian explores his body in more pleasurable ways.  Stefano still isn’t hard, but he seems to be enjoying himself very much, and Sebastian isn’t particularly bothered, since they’ve already established that this is something that’s difficult for him, but he is brought up short when Stefano suddenly goes still, releasing a breath that is more like a huff of frustration than a sigh of pleasure.

 

“Stefano?” Sebastian says, letting his hands come to rest where they are.

 

“Why can’t I do this?” snaps Stefano, suddenly agitated.  “This should not be so difficult!  For god’s sake, if I could do it for him, then I do not see why I cannot do it for you!”

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian soothes, easing his hand out of Stefano’s pants so that he can wrap both arms around Stefano’s body.  “It’s alright.  It’s nothing to be upset about.”  He kisses Stefano’s neck again.  “Your body’s been through a lot.  When you’re ready, you’ll be able to do it again.”

 

“I am sorry,” Stefano says, bringing his hands up to shield his face.  “I should be able to… to perform better when you are being kind enough to pay me attention.”

 

“First of all,” Sebastian says, “I happen to enjoy paying you attention.  And as long as you want to do it and it feels good to you, it doesn’t bother me if you’re hard or not.”  He presses another kiss to Stefano’s neck and pulls Stefano’s body firmly against his.  “Just give it time.”

 

Stefano sighs deeply, and turns over in Sebastian’s arms.  “I want to be better for you.”

 

“You’re already perfect for me,” Sebastian says, pressing a kiss to his temple.  Stefano rolls his eye but doesn’t argue.

 

 

 


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yes, that makes sense,” Sebastian says again, a plan already beginning to form in his mind. Maybe there is a way that Stefano can take control of his own experience and his own pleasure, a way that he can start to relearn how intimacy works in a loving relationship.

 

 

When Sebastian wakes up the next morning, he is uncomfortably warm and a little sweaty.  He didn’t really plan on going to bed in his sweatpants and T-shirt, but apparently he managed to fall asleep with his clothes on and Stefano in his arms.

 

Stefano is still pressed up against him, though at some point during the night he’s managed to shed his clothes.  Aside from the sheet wrapped around him, he’s completely nude, and that’s more than enough reason for Sebastian to decide that he needs to get out of his own clothes as well.  He shifts away from Stefano, trying to move slowly enough so as not to disturb him, but as soon as he is out of contact with Stefano’s body, Stefano’s eye opens and he arches his back in a stretch.

 

“Good morning,” he says, and Sebastian can’t resist leaning back in to kiss him.  He’s sure he has terrible morning breath, but Stefano isn’t complaining, and when he pulls back there is faint smile on Stefano’s face.

 

“Good morning,” Sebastian replies.  “Did you sleep well?”

 

“Very,” Stefano replies with another stretch.  “And you?”

 

“Yeah, I did actually,” Sebastian replies.  He gestures at his clothes.  “Though it seems I’m a little overdressed.”

 

“I am sure we can fix that,” Stefano says, reaching for Sebastian’s shirt.  Between the two of them, they manage to get Sebastian out of his clothes, and he sprawls out on the bed next to Stefano, just enjoying the air on his skin, even though the room itself is pretty warm.  His eyes are closed, and he is expecting to feel Stefano’s body against his at any moment, but Stefano is perfectly still, and when Sebastian opens his eyes, he can see that Stefano is looking him up and down.

 

“What?” Sebastian says with a smile.  “Surely I’m not that enticing.”  He knows he’s a decent-looking guy, but not one who women- or men, for that matter- usually stop and stare at.

 

“It is not that,” Stefano says.  “Though I do enjoy looking at you very much.”  He swallows hard, and Sebastian can see the tension in his face.  “I fear I must apologize for last night.”

 

“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Sebastian says, rolling onto his side to face Stefano and reaching out a hand to take hold of his waist.  “Can we talk about it?”

 

“There is nothing more to talk about,” Stefano says, his gaze dropping down to the sheets between them.  “I am afraid I cannot give you what you want.”

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian says, giving him a gentle squeeze.  “You’ve already given me so much, and this isn’t even about me.”  He sighs.  “I just want you to be comfortable, and I want to make you feel good.”

 

Stefano smiles indulgently.  “You do make me feel good, though perhaps not in the way you mean.”  He reaches out to stroke Sebastian’s cheek.  “And I am not sure that this is going to get any better.  I appreciate your kindness, but I am beyond your power to fix.  It has just been too long.”

 

There is a terrible dissonance between the smile on Stefano’s face and the words he is saying, and Sebastian can already feel his chest constricting as he catches Stefano’s hand and holds it in both of his.  “No,” he says firmly.  “Don’t say that.”

 

Stefano opens his mouth to protest, but Sebastian cuts him off.  “Stefano, you don’t need to be fixed.  You’re not broken.”  He lifts Stefano’s hand to his mouth and kisses the back of it.  “I know it might seem like that right now, but you’re not.  We just…”  He pauses for a moment, trying to figure out how to explain what he is thinking without hurting Stefano’s feelings.  “…We just need to figure out the right way to do this.  It’s like that anytime you try to start things with a new partner.”

 

Stefano’s brow furrows in confusion.  “I cannot say that I have ever had a ‘partner’,” he says thoughtfully.  “Though I have been with many men.”

 

Sebastian nods and turns Stefano’s hand over to kiss his palm.  “That’s alright,” he says.  “And I hope this won’t be anything like what happened at Slade’s.  I just meant that the first time, or even the first few times, that you’re with someone new are sort of about learning what they enjoy and what they’re comfortable with.”

 

Stefano nods, and his face visibly relaxes.  “I understand,” he replies.  “I am quite skilled at deciphering how to please others.  It was my job after all.”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian says with enthusiasm, relieved that Stefano at least seems to be making sense of this concept even if he does have it backwards.  “But we’re trying to figure out how to please you.  Will you give me a chance to do that?”

 

Stefano sighs.  “I do not understand why this is so important to you, but I can see that you will not be dissuaded.  You may try, but please do not be too disappointed in me if I do not respond properly.”

 

Sebastian gathers Stefano up in his arms, pulling him close as a surge of warmth runs through him.  “I would never be disappointed in you,” he murmurs into Stefano’s hair.  “And it’s not about responding ‘properly.’  Just talk to me, and be honest with me, and don’t put pressure on yourself.  Whatever happens, it’s fine.”

 

Then Stefano is whispering his name, and his lips are on Sebastian’s neck, and he is squirming even closer, pressing his body flush to Sebastian’s.

 

“Careful,” Sebastian says, but before he can get anything else out, Stefano’s teeth make contact with his throat and whatever he was going to say just comes out as a groan.  He clutches at Stefano’s hips, pulling their bodies tightly together, all his worries about Stefano’s injuries forgotten because Stefano certainly doesn’t seem to be in any pain at the moment.  In fact, he is rubbing his hip against Sebastian’s groin in a way that is entirely too purposeful to be an accident and nipping at Sebastian’s neck.  It’s rough and exciting and Sebastian isn’t breathing but he’s pretty sure he doesn’t need to breathe right now.  He just needs more Stefano.

 

When Stefano releases his throat and pulls back, he has a little smirk on his face, and Sebastian is gasping for air.  He struggles to regain control of himself, to regain control of the situation, because if he doesn’t this is going to turn out just like yesterday, and while that was very pleasant for him, he wants to be able to focus on Stefano this time.  “What do you like, Stefano?” he pants.  “What makes you feel excited?”

 

Stefano’s gaze drops down to Sebastian’s chest, and there is a light blush creeping onto his cheeks.  It’s still so strange to see Stefano acting embarrassed, but clearly he’s been taught that his own desires and his own pleasure are something to hide, something to be self-conscious about, so Sebastian brings a hand to his cheek.

 

“It’s alright,” he murmurs.  “If you can’t tell me, can you show me?”

 

Stefano smiles slightly at that and nods.  He takes Sebastian’s hand in his and brings it to his chest.

 

“That’s right,” Sebastian says, more to himself than to Stefano.  He feels a little silly for not figuring this one out on his own, because he’s seen how much Stefano enjoyed being touched here before.

 

Stefano shivers as Sebastian’s fingers trace over his skin, then sighs as his thumb brushes over his nipple.  After what Stefano did to him yesterday, Sebastian has a much better understanding of why this feels good to Stefano and how to make it even better.  He leans down to nuzzle at Stefano’s neck as his fingers continue to work, and Stefano throws his head back, baring his throat to Sebastian.

 

Sebastian smiles to himself before he begins to kiss his way down Stefano’s neck to his collarbone.  This display of trust from Stefano is heartening, but it also gives him some ideas about how to proceed.  Maybe the key here is to try to spend some time on some of Stefano’s less obvious erogenous zones, the ones that haven’t been so thoroughly traumatized by Riker and Slade and his clients.

 

Then Stefano gasps, and Sebastian can’t tell whether it’s because of the soft bites he is placing up and down his neck or the way he is pinching Stefano’s nipple between his thumb and forefinger, so he keeps doing both.  Stefano’s hand is squeezing his waist, and Stefano’s breath is coming faster, and one of Stefano’s legs is draped over his hip.

 

“There you go,” Sebastian murmurs into Stefano’s neck between bites.  “Just like that.”

 

Stefano nods, and then Stefano’s hand is on his head, gently guiding him lower until he can take a nipple in his mouth, bathing it with his tongue before he starts to experiment with different approaches.  Much as Sebastian hates to concede that Riker was right about anything, Stefano does make some lovely noises when he is being pleasured, and Sebastian is making note of all of them- the way Stefano moans and presses against him when he takes his nipple fully into his mouth and sucks hard, the little yelps that Stefano makes when he drags his teeth across it, the way Stefano sighs and relaxes when he goes back to just using his tongue and his fingers.

 

He goes through this cycle several times, with Stefano becoming more vocal and more physically responsive as they continue.  It’s when he is worrying one of Stefano’s nipples with his teeth and firmly squeezing the other with this fingers that Stefano rocks against him, and Sebastian realizes that he is hard.  Actually, they’re both hard, but he’s more interested in Stefano’s response right now.

 

He wants to lift his head, to ask Stefano if he’s doing alright, if he’d like to be touched there, whether he did something wrong last night or if he was being too rough or what he can do to help this time go better, but he’s also afraid that if he calls attention to the situation, that’s going to stress Stefano out all over again.  With that thought in mind, he decides to carry on with what he’s doing.  He does let his hand slip down to Stefano’s waist, then to his ass to pull him closer, encouraging him to keep rubbing against him.

 

Then Stefano is whispering his name, and Stefano’s hand is on his, guiding it between his legs.  Sebastian is afraid to grip or squeeze too hard, so he just lets his hand wrap loosely around Stefano’s cock, lets Stefano thrust against him a few times.  But no sooner has he started then Stefano is going soft in his hand and heaving a sigh of frustration.

 

Sebastian is feeling a little frustrated himself, not with Stefano but with his own inability to figure out what is going on and how to make it better.  He tries not to let it show in his body language as he shifts his hand back to Stefano’s hip, but Stefano is already turning away from him.  Sebastian catches him before he can fully roll over, turning Stefano back to face him and pulling him against his chest.  “Hey,” he murmurs.  “It’s okay.  Just stay with me.  Tell me what’s going on.”

 

Stefano goes tense, and for a moment Sebastian wonders if he is actually going to start struggling, but then Stefano’s body goes limp in his arms and Stefano’s face is pressed against his neck.  “I am sorry,” he whispers.

 

“Don’t be sorry,” Sebastian says, turning to press a kiss to the side of his face.  “Just talk to me.  Did we go too fast?”

 

Stefano shakes his head.  “No,” he replies.  “I thought I wanted… I do not know what I want, it seems.”  His words are terse, clipped, and Sebastian runs a hand up and down his back in hopes of relieving some of the tension in his body.

 

“It seemed like you were enjoying it at first,” Sebastian offers.  “When I was touching your chest and your neck?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano agrees.  “That was very nice.”

 

“And it was okay when you were rubbing up against me?” Sebastian continues, because Stefano certainly seemed to be enthusiastic about that part as well.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.

 

“But it was just too much when I put my hand there?” Sebastian asks.  He isn’t even sure exactly what he is asking- whether it was too much pressure, too much stimulation, too much like something from Stefano’s past.  His hand is still moving in slow circles on Stefano’s back, trying to soothe away some of the invasiveness of this line of questioning.  He is torn between wanting to back off, to let Stefano take things at his own pace, and his desire to help, to figure out how to make this good for Stefano.

 

“Yes,” Stefano says.  “I am not sure how to explain it, but everything changed when you did that.”

 

“Was it something about the way I was touching you?” Sebastian asks, keeping his voice soft as he continues to rub Stefano’s back.  “Did it hurt?”

 

“No,” Stefano says exhaling a puff of warm breath onto Sebastian’s neck.  Then after a pause he adds, “Not yet.”

 

A surge of anger rises up inside Sebastian at that, but he fights it back down, because Riker is dead, and Riker can’t hurt Stefano anymore, and getting angry at a time when Stefano so clearly needs his understanding is not going to help anything.

 

He takes a deep breath.  “It’s not going to,” he says, trying to control his voice as he trembles with suppressed rage.  “Not with me... not ever.”

 

Stefano’s arms are around him now, anchoring him and calming him, and Stefano’s voice is like a soothing balm on his frayed nerves.  “I know, Sebastian.  I know.  It is not that.”  He sighs.  “I… May I be quite honest with you?”

 

“Always,” Sebastian says.  He scoots back a little so that he can see Stefano’s face, resting his head on the pillow, and his hand moves to Stefano’s waist.  Stefano’s request to speak openly with him suddenly seems more intimate than any sexual act, and warmth and appreciation for the sacrifice Stefano is making is quickly replacing the anger in his heart.

 

Stefano raises a hand to Sebastian’s face, stroking his cheek as he begins, “I do trust you, but when you touch me it still feels as though I am giving up control.  Does that make sense?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian breathes, all of the air leaving his lungs in a rush.  Of course giving up control would be difficult for Stefano, who has had such precious little control over anything in his life.  He remembers an earlier conversation with Stefano, remembers Stefano insisting that it was his choice to work for Slade, that he had decided to do so of his own free will, and the idea of Stefano clinging to that version of events even after Slade took everything away from him is almost too much to bear.  But it does make sense, and it does explain why it is hard for him to give up control to Sebastian now.

 

“Yes, that makes sense,” he says again, a plan already beginning to form in his mind.  Maybe there is a way that Stefano can take control of his own experience and his own pleasure, a way that he can start to relearn how intimacy works in a loving relationship.  “Thank you for telling me,” he adds, giving Stefano’s waist a little squeeze, because he’s sure that this wasn’t easy for Stefano to talk about.

 

Stefano gives him a wry smile.  “I am not sure it will do us any good, but you are welcome.  Thank you for listening.”

 

“Actually, what you said does give me an idea,” Sebastian says.  “Can we try something?  Or would you rather just lie together for a while?”

 

Stefano’s smile is a blend of nerves and curiosity.  “What did you have in mind?”

 

Sebastian takes a deep breath, because he isn’t sure he can articulate what he is thinking without sounding like an idiot.  “Do you ever touch yourself?”  He nods at Stefano’s cock.  “There, I mean.”

 

Stefano’s smile is a bit broader now.  “I know what you mean,” he replies.  “And I have in the past, but not since I started working for Slade.  I simply have not felt the urge to… indulge myself since then.”

 

“That’s understandable,” Sebastian says, because it stands to reason that after his body had been used so thoroughly every night, Stefano would only want a moment’s peace.  “But that’s what I was thinking of trying.”

 

Stefano’s hand leaves Sebastian’s face and travels down his own body.  “How would you like me to do it?” he purrs, and Sebastian realizes that he is shifting back into escort mode.

 

“No, Stefano,” he sighs, pulling back a little.  “You’re not putting on a show for me.  Just do what feels good to you.”

 

Stefano takes his arm, trying to tug him closer.  “You feel good to me,” he says.  “Your skin against mine.  Please stay.”

 

“I’m not leaving,” Sebastian replies.  “I just don’t want you to see me as a client.”

 

“Then hold me,” Stefano says, eye pleading with Sebastian.  “Hold me, because I’m not sure I can do this without you.”  There is raw emotion in his voice this time, and Sebastian is a little taken aback at the change.  He is not going to deny Stefano’s request though, particularly now that Stefano actually seems to be taking charge a little in the bedroom.

 

Sebastian leans in to press his lips to Stefano’s just briefly before he is shifting to sit with his back against the headboard.  Stefano looks a little confused until Sebastian reaches for him and guides him into place between his legs.  Stefano’s back is against his chest, and his arms are wrapped around Stefano’s body.  Stefano relaxes back into him with a sigh.

 

“How’s this?” Sebastian asks, even though Stefano’s body language already tells him that he is enjoying himself.

 

“Perfect,” Stefano breathes, moving his hands into his lap to cover himself.  It’s strange to see him almost shy like this, but it gives Sebastian some hope, because of course escort Stefano would never cover himself in front of a client.

 

“It’s alright,” Sebastian murmurs.  “Just do what feels good.  Pay attention to your body for once.”

 

Stefano’s hands are moving tentatively at first, one pressing down against his groin while the other slides up his body to grasp Sebastian’s arm.  Then the hand between his legs begins to make little circles, slowly palming his cock and balls, and Stefano is trembling in his arms, pressing a little harder on each stroke, until he gasps, drawing his hand back entirely.

 

“I’m sorry,” he whimpers.

 

“Nothing to be sorry for,” Sebastian says quietly, turning to kiss his temple.  “You’re doing beautifully.”

 

“I’m not supposed to…” He gestures at his cock in frustration, and Sebastian can see that it is half-hard already.

 

“That’s exactly what’s supposed to happen,” Sebastian reassures him.  “You know that.  You just haven’t been allowed to enjoy yourself before.  But it’s just you and me here now, and everything’s okay.”  He takes another deep breath.  “I just want you to feel good.  And if you get hard, that’s good too.”  He kisses Stefano’s temple again, keeping his arms wrapped around Stefano’s chest as Stefano brings one hand back to his cock.

 

His touches are hesitant at first, gentle caresses of his fingers that make him gasp and twitch against Sebastian, before he wraps his hand fully around himself and gives a long slow stroke.

 

“That’s right,” Sebastian murmurs.  “Just like that.  Nice and slow until you’re ready for more.”

 

Stefano nods, but in the next moment his head is falling back against Sebastian’s shoulder and he is moaning out loud as his hand slides down to the base of his cock again.  Sebastian can already see it growing in his hand, and while he only has his own to compare it to, it’s a beautiful cock, long and thick and already flushing deep pink under Stefano’s careful fingers.

 

When Stefano’s hand slides up and down again, he lets out a little gasp, turning his face toward Sebastian’s so that Sebastian can’t help but press a kiss to his cheek, then the corner of his mouth, and as Stefano turns his head even farther, to his lips.  Stefano’s hand is moving all the while, and as soon as Sebastian breaks the kiss, Stefano is panting, the fingers of his other hand digging into Sebastian’s arm.

 

“How does it feel?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Good,” Stefano breathes, “so good.”

 

“You’re doing so well,” Sebastian says.  “You’re beautiful like this.”

 

Stefano moans at that, and he really is beautiful, head thrown back and chest heaving and hand sliding up and down his cock.  His other hand leaves Sebastian’s arm to cradle his balls, and he moves his legs apart a little to accommodate his hands.  His eye is closed and he seems lost in his pleasure as his hand starts to move a little faster.  Sebastian knows this isn’t about him, but each little gasp or moan, each small movement of Stefano’s body against his, is almost unbearably arousing, and even more so because he can tell how this is affecting Stefano, can see how good Stefano is feeling under his own hand.

 

Stefano’s body is trembling, and Sebastian is beginning to wonder if he’s getting close to climax when his eye opens and he turns to look at Sebastian, face relaxed and mouth slightly open.

 

“You can move your hands, you know,” he says with a hint of a smile.  Sebastian smiles back, because so far he’s been afraid to do anything but hold Stefano in case it reminds him of other, less gentle hands on his body.

 

“If you say so,” he replies, loosening his hold so that his hands are resting on Stefano’s chest.  Stefano goes back to stroking his cock, more slowly now, and Sebastian’s hands pick up the same pace, moving down to Stefano’s hips and then back up to his chest.  When Stefano sighs and presses back against him, Sebastian is feeling a little braver, and his hands begin to explore, running over Stefano’s chest and abdomen.  He reaches farther down to rub Stefano’s thighs, and Stefano moans so beautifully.  His hand is moving a little faster now, and his hips are starting to move as well, pressing up into his hand on each downward stroke.

 

Sebastian continues to touch and rub and watch and whisper words of encouragement as Stefano’s hand begins to move even faster, as his breathing speeds up, as his muscles start to tense, as he presses up harder into his hand.

 

“Yes, Stefano, that’s it,” he murmurs.  He can feel Stefano’s body trembling against his, can only imagine the intensity of what he’s feeling as Stefano draws his legs up, pushes back against him one more time, and comes across his hand and his chest.  Sebastian holds him and comforts him as he comes down, his body twitching with the aftershocks of his orgasm, his heart hammering so hard that Sebastian can feel his pulse everywhere their bodies are touching.  Sebastian’s hands skate up and down his sides as Sebastian kisses his neck, his shoulder, and anything else he can reach.

 

Gradually, Stefano’s breathing starts to slow down, and he turns his head to look at Sebastian as much as he can in his current position.  “Was that alright?” he asks, and even though it hurts Sebastian that Stefano feels the need to ask him this, it is some consolation that Stefano looks perfectly serene, body relaxed and eye half-lidded.

 

“Did it feel good for you?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano breathes.  One of his hands finds one of Sebastian’s, and their fingers interlace.  “That felt spectacular.  I have not felt anything like that in years.”

 

“Then it was more than alright,” Sebastian replies.  “It was perfect.”

 

Stefano beams and leans over to kiss him.  Sebastian does feel a twinge of conscience at the thought that Stefano still needs to be praised for his performance, still needs to be reassured that it’s okay for him to be deriving enjoyment from their bedroom activities.  But even if they have a long way to go, at least they are heading in the right direction.

 

 

 


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What are you thinking?” Stefano murmurs against his chest, almost as though he can sense Sebastian’s inner turmoil.
> 
> “That I’m feeling too much,” he replies. “But it’s better than feeling nothing at all.”
> 
> Stefano sighs and tightens his arms around Sebastian. “I think I know how you feel,” he says quietly.
> 
> “What about you?” Sebastian asks. “What are you thinking?”
> 
> Stefano lifts his head to look into Sebastian’s eyes with a shy smile. “That there are some other things I would like to feel with you.”

 

 

After a few more hours of sleep, Sebastian’s growling stomach finally convinces him to get out of bed, even if he does hate to leave the warmth of Stefano’s arms.  He goes to the kitchen to make some bacon and eggs, and by the time the food is ready Stefano has joined him.

 

Stefano’s appetite seems a little better today, and he’s polite enough not to critique Sebastian’s cooking.  Sebastian is far from an accomplished chef, but because he and Myra often worked opposite shifts and took turns staying with Lily, he has developed enough skill in the kitchen to avoid starvation and satisfy the discerning palate of a five-year-old.  He smiles a little as he remembers some of Lily’s less than polite reactions to his cooking but tries to put those thoughts out of his mind.  They bring a heaviness to his heart that he’s been avoiding for the last few days, and he’s not sure he’s ready to revisit that just yet.

 

“Are you feeling up to a little shopping trip today?” Sebastian asks as he washes the dishes.  “We could get you some clothes of your own.  Not that I mind you wearing my clothes,” he adds quickly, because he doesn’t mind it at all, and the sight of Stefano in his clothes still brings a smile to his face.  “But I don’t think they’re really your style.”

 

The corner of Stefano’s mouth twitches at that.  “I suppose not,” he replies, “though they are quite alright for the moment.”  He sighs, the fingers of one hand picking at the hem of his shirt.  “I do not think I am ready to go anywhere just yet.  I…”  He pauses, and his gaze drops down to his lap.  “I do not feel like myself at the moment.”

 

Stefano doesn’t look like himself at the moment.  He looks lost, and Sebastian abandons the dishes, drying his hands quickly and crossing the floor so that he can kneel down in front of Stefano, placing a hand on Stefano’s knee.  “When was the last time you felt like yourself?” he asks, staring up at Stefano with a gaze that is probably too intense for this situation.

 

Stefano lifts his head to look at Sebastian, shaking it slowly as he speaks.  “Before STEM… before Slade… I do not know.”

 

“That’s alright,” murmurs Sebastian as he scoots forward even more to wrap his arms around Stefano.  After STEM and the hospital and the drugs and Slade’s house, of course Stefano is confused.  Stefano slumps forward, letting his body rest against Sebastian’s and laying his head on Sebastian’s shoulder.  “We’ve got time.  You don’t have to know right now.”

 

They stay like that for a few moments, Sebastian rubbing circles on Stefano’s back.  Stefano’s body feels so relaxed that he is practically melting into Sebastian, but Sebastian just holds him and supports him until Stefano heaves a sigh and says, “You left the water running.”

 

“Yeah, I guess I did,” Sebastian says.  He’s been so focused on Stefano that he’s tuned everything else out, but now that Stefano mentions it, he can hear the water running in the sink behind him.  “But I’m more worried about you than the water bill.”

 

“I am alright,” Stefano says, turning his head to place a kiss on Sebastian’s cheek before he sits back in his chair.  Sebastian studies his face carefully.  He doesn’t look any different than he did before, but Stefano is hard to read, and Sebastian can’t tell if his efforts are helping or not.  He gives Stefano one more pat on the back, then rises and crosses the kitchen to turn off the water.  The rest of the dishes can wait until later.

 

“Do you want to sit out on the deck?” he tries, gesturing to the sliding glass door.  He can’t help but feel like a change of scenery will do Stefano some good.  Besides, it’s the first day since they’ve been home that the weather forecast hasn’t called for ungodly heat.  “It’s actually supposed to be nice today.”

 

Stefano’s eye follows his hand, and he seems to be considering for a moment.  “Very well,” he replies, before a little bit of sarcasm creeps into his voice.  “Are you going to begin extolling the healing powers of fresh air?”

 

“No,” Sebastian says with a laugh.  “But we’ll probably be less stir-crazy if we get out of the house sometimes.”

 

“True,” Stefano says, and the corner of his mouth is starting to turn up in a smile as well.

 

Even though Stefano is now perfectly capable of getting around on his own, Sebastian still can’t suppress the impulse to reach for him as they make their way out onto the deck.  After all of the times in STEM and at Slade’s that he wanted to protect Stefano but wasn’t able to, his care-taking instincts are in overdrive, and Stefano has to remind him that he has been walking for many years and is confident in his abilities.

 

There are enough trees in the yard that they aren’t in direct sunlight, and the temperature is comfortable, at least for Sebastian who is in jeans and a T-shirt.

 

He gets the newspaper for Stefano and then the two of them position their chairs so that they can rest their feet on the railing and settle in.  Stefano is immersed in the paper, at least initially, and Sebastian takes the opportunity to just watch him.  He looks better than he has in a while, or at least Sebastian thinks so.  He seems to have more color to his skin, and his hands appear to be steadier.

 

Sebastian thinks he is being pretty subtle in his observations, but apparently he is not subtle enough, because after a few minutes, Stefano lowers the paper to his lap and fixes Sebastian with a skeptical look.  “And what is so intriguing about me today?”

 

Sebastian brings a hand up to rub at the back of his neck, because of course it won’t do any good to deny that he’s been watching Stefano.  “You just look… I don’t know, better, I guess.  How are you feeling?”

 

Stefano smiles indulgently.  “I am feeling better- physically, at the very least.”

 

Sebastian finds himself chewing at the inside of his lip for a moment, because the next question he wants to ask isn’t exactly polite, but it is important.  “What about the drugs?” he says finally.  “I mean do you still feel like you…?”

 

Stefano’s mouth is still turned up in a smile, but the rest of his face is serious.  “I… sometimes…”  He shrugs.  “I am sorry, Sebastian.  I am afraid I do not know what I want,” he says.

 

“That’s okay,” Sebastian says gently.  “But you would let me know if you needed anything, right?  I mean if you needed help or to talk to someone or-”

 

“Yes,” Stefano interrupts with a wave of his hand.  There is an edge of frustration in his voice.  “I know you want to help me, but I am not sure how to do that at the moment.  Perhaps it is a good thing that I am so out of sorts, because I find I do not want anything with the intensity that I once did… not even the drugs.”

 

Sebastian nods.  “Okay,” he says.  “It’s just hard for me to tell what you’re feeling sometimes, and I-”

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano cuts in again.  “It is hard for _me_ to tell what I am feeling.  There are times when I desperately want to feel something but I cannot.  There are times when I am feeling much, much more than I am ready to feel…”  He sighs.  “It is exhausting.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian says.  “I’m not trying to be pushy.  I just don’t want you to feel like you’re alone in this.”

 

“I know I am not alone,” Stefano replies, voice more even now.  “And neither are you.”

 

Sebastian opens his mouth to speak but immediately closes it again, because Stefano’s words hit him hard, and suddenly everything Stefano is saying makes perfect sense to him- the numbness, the bursts of intense emotion, feeling isolated and out of touch with himself.  It all makes sense now because he knows it.  He has lived it himself when he lost Myra and Lily, and even if he doesn’t know exactly how to fix it, at least now he has a much better idea of what Stefano is talking about.

 

He reaches out a hand to Stefano who takes it with a small smile.  “Thank you,” Sebastian says.  “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

 

It feels good just to speak the words out loud, to know that Stefano is here for him, and it only strengthens his resolve to find some way to help Stefano.  He lets Stefano’s hand go, and Stefano goes back to reading the paper as Sebastian’s brain starts to work overtime coming up with ideas.

 

Obviously he’s going to be here for Stefano and encourage him and support him- that’s the part he already has figured out.  He didn’t have anyone to do that for him- or more accurately, he didn’t let anyone do that for him, because clearly Joseph and Banks were looking out for him the whole time. 

 

That’s when he realizes that the other thing that saved him from the crippling sense of loss was actually his job.  Having something else to focus his attention on, something to throw himself into every day was a big part of what helped him cope, and he wonders if Stefano has something like that, something that he could take an interest in.  He does have a couple of ideas, but they’re not things that he can put into action at the moment, so he files them away for later use.

 

They sit out on the deck for a few more hours, sometimes talking, sometimes just sitting quietly, and Sebastian has forgotten how much he enjoys being outside when it’s not one thousand degrees.  Because they slept late again today, it’s not long before he’s thinking about dinner, and he wishes he had something to cook out on the grill like he used to do for Lily and Myra.  Unfortunately, he didn’t plan for that, so they have to be content with leftover pizza.  Once again, Stefano has no complaints, and Sebastian is so happy to see him eating better that any worries about the quality of the meal are quickly forgotten.

 

After dinner they relocate to the living room, and Sebastian turns on the TV to the evening news, trying to analyze the breaking stories for anything that could be related to Mobius, when he realizes that Stefano is shooting furtive glances at him from the other side of the couch.  Sebastian turns to him.  “Is everything alright?”

 

Stefano seems to consider for a moment before he answers.  “You look tense,” he observes.  “Is that something I can help you with?  I do give a very good massage.”  He smiles hopefully, and Sebastian remembers the last time Stefano offered to massage him.  It was after his first night at Slade’s house, and he was too nervous and distracted to take Stefano up on his offer, no matter how tempting it was.

 

The offer is tempting now as well, even though Sebastian doesn’t feel particularly tense, but Stefano’s only been out of the hospital for a few days.  If somebody’s going to be getting a massage, Stefano probably needs it more than he does.

 

“I’m alright,” Sebastian answers, fumbling for a reason why he might appear tense to Stefano.  “Maybe just a little on edge because of the Mobius stuff.  Thanks though.”

 

He catches a flash of disappointment on Stefano’s face before it shifts into something more suggestive.  “Perhaps there is some _othe_ r way I could help you relax.”  His meaning is clear from his inflection and his raised eyebrow, and again his offer sounds like something Sebastian would enjoy very much, but it’s a little off-putting, both because it’s an abrupt shift in tone and because it’s too smooth, too much like Stefano’s escort persona.

 

He actually has to stop and think about it for a moment, because it’s not the idea of getting hands-on with Stefano that is bothering him.  It’s more the way that Stefano is presenting himself right now.  Clearly Stefano wants something from him, and it’s something that he doesn’t feel like he can ask for outright.

 

“No, I don’t think so,” Sebastian replies carefully, trying to keep his tone gentle so that he doesn’t hurt Stefano’s feelings.  “Is there some way that I could help _you_ relax?”

 

Stefano’s brow furrows in confusion for a moment before he looks away from Sebastian and shakes his head.  “No, I am alright,” he says, folding his arms across his body.  Sebastian isn’t the best at intuiting what’s going on with Stefano, but he has at least a guess at what might be going on now.

 

“Hey,” he says softly.  Stefano glances back at him, and Sebastian opens his arms in an invitation.  “Come over here.”

 

He must have guessed correctly, because Stefano’s mouth is already curving up into a smile.  He scoots across the couch until he is right next to Sebastian, and Sebastian wastes no time in wrapping his arms around him.  Stefano leans into the embrace, and Sebastian presses his face into Stefano’s hair and holds him tighter.  They stay like that for a few minutes, just breathing deeply and holding each other while the TV drones in the background.

 

“You know,” Sebastian says after a while, “you don’t have to come up with a reason to touch me.  This is really nice all on its own.”  He’s more confident than ever that what Stefano wants right now is simple physical contact, but that he’s not used to being able to achieve that without offering sex or some other service.  Sebastian certainly can’t imagine Riker cuddling with him like this, and he wouldn’t likely have gotten this kind of interaction from clients either.

 

Stefano gives a soft hum that sounds like agreement, and Sebastian laughs and kisses his hair.  “Do you want to lie down?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes, that would be lovely,” Stefano replies, shifting over so that Sebastian has some room to swing his legs up onto the couch.  He rearranges one of the throw pillows under his head and lies back, reaching out for Stefano who seems all too happy to be back in his arms again.

 

They end up in a tangle of arms and legs, Stefano lying half on top of Sebastian as Sebastian runs a hand up and down his back.  It’s one of those moments when Sebastian feels so overwhelmed with emotion, with affection for Stefano and anger at the people who hurt him, and he has to work to keep his breathing calm and even, to keep his touch gentle, because he is simply feeling so much.  And it’s strange, because he’s grown so used to being numb, to pushing everything down inside him.

 

“What are you thinking?” Stefano murmurs against his chest, almost as though he can sense Sebastian’s inner turmoil.

 

“That I’m feeling too much,” he replies.  “But it’s better than feeling nothing at all.”

 

Stefano sighs and tightens his arms around Sebastian.  “I think I know how you feel,” he says quietly.

 

“What about you?” Sebastian asks.  “What are you thinking?”

 

Stefano lifts his head to look into Sebastian’s eyes with a shy smile.  “That there are some other things I would like to feel with you.”

 

Sebastian can’t help but smile back, because Stefano’s whole demeanor has changed now.  He’s relaxed- if a little nervous- and he’s telling Sebastian what he wants.  “You mean like last night?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, “but I would like to do something for you as well.”  He glances down at Sebastian’s chest before looking up to his face again.  “Touching you… pleasuring you… it has an effect on me.”

 

“Oh,” Sebastian breathes.  He remembers how Stefano got hard yesterday while he was touching Sebastian here on the couch, but somehow he hadn’t considered that as a factor in Stefano’s arousal.  “Do you think that would… help things for you?”

 

“Oh yes,” Stefano replies with conviction.  “I find it quite stimulating to see you like that.”

 

“Alright then,” Sebastian says, still rubbing his back affectionately.  “Tell me what you need me to do.”

 

“Sit up,” Stefano says, shifting off of Sebastian and onto the floor in front of the couch.  “And we will need to get you out of some of those clothes.”

 

“If you insist,” Sebastian says with a smile.  He sits up, swinging his legs over the side of the couch as he reaches for the hem of his shirt.  As he pulls it over his head, Stefano is already unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans, and Sebastian lifts his hips so that Stefano can remove them along with his underwear.

 

Sebastian is not alone in his nudity for very long, because Stefano is stripping off his own clothes and tossing them aside, and Sebastian is wondering what in the world Stefano has in mind.  He’s kneeling on the floor in front of Sebastian now, and Sebastian has a brief flash of being at Slade’s house, sitting on Slade’s couch with Stefano on his knees in front of him.

 

It’s a complicated memory- one that starts with a cold fear swirling inside him.  It makes him feel a little silly now, since they are clearly alone together and safe, and he tries to shake it off, but the cold feeling stays.  Just seeing Stefano on his knees is a strong reminder of how he was treated at Slade’s, and Sebastian wants to reach for him, to pull him up onto his lap, but he is frozen in place, as unable to react as he was the first time Stefano approached him on Slade’s couch.

 

Stefano is shifting over, moving to kneel between Sebastian’s legs, placing a kiss on the inside of one knee.  Sebastian is sure that they are alone, knows that if he turns to his right he isn’t going to see Slade staring at him, but it all feels too familiar, and this isn’t how he wants this.  He wants Stefano- there is no doubt of that- but he wants the real Stefano, not the one who has been directed to cater to his every whim, not the one who can’t refuse him for fear of punishment.  His mind is racing, but he can’t will his body to move.

 

Stefano is kissing his way up his thigh, mouth leaving a warm, wet trail, when he pauses, apparently taking note of Sebastian’s lack of reaction.  “Sebastian?” he says, sitting up and giving him a questioning look.  “Is everything alright?”

 

Sebastian blinks a few times, turning Stefano’s question over in his mind.  Everything is alright, and he knows that, but it doesn’t feel alright.  His heart is pounding, the sound filling his ears as he opens his mouth to speak.  “I don’t know,” he says.  Then after a deep breath, “This is too much like… like last time.”

 

“And what exactly was wrong with the last time?” Stefano asks, letting his arms rest on Sebastian’s thighs as he sits back on his heels.

 

Sebastian heaves a sigh, because he doesn’t want to argue right now, but Stefano has been very open with him, and it seems unfair not to explain why this is bothering him.  “You… you were being forced,” he says, placing one his hands on top of Stefano’s.  “Slade and Riker were there, and you had to-”

 

“Sebastian.”  Stefano’s voice is firm, and he raises his other hand to cup Sebastian’s cheek as he leans in so that their foreheads are touching.  “I was not being forced.”  He takes a deep breath.  “I will tell you… I can tell you now that I did not want to do many of the things that I did at Slade’s, but that night, I wanted you.”  His eye bores steadily into Sebastian, fixed and unblinking.  “I wanted you the first night I met you.  I cannot explain it, but you made me feel something that I have not felt in a very long time.”

 

He leans in to plant a gentle kiss on Sebastian’s lips.  Sebastian is reeling from Stefano’s words, and he can’t coordinate his mouth to return the kiss, but Stefano pulls back and continues.  “Of everything that happened that night, what you and I did was the one thing I did want to do.”  His eye flutters closed.  “Being with you… touching you… tasting you… it was beautiful, and while I would have chosen for it to happen under different circumstances, I do not regret it for a moment.”

 

Stefano’s voice is soothing, almost hypnotic, and it takes Sebastian by the hand, leads him out of the bad memory and to a place where he and Stefano are alone and safe and ready to enjoy each other.  “And you think this will help you get turned on?” he asks, voice coming out soft and a little dreamy.

 

“Yes,” Stefano purrs.  “You were probably a bit too preoccupied to notice, but it had quite an effect on me last time as well.”

 

Sebastian wants to ask more about that, but his words turn into a gasp because Stefano is bending down to place another kiss on the inside of his thigh, tongue trailing along the sensitive skin.  The next kiss comes with a flash of teeth, and even though it’s a very soft bite, it has Sebastian grabbing the edge of the couch and fighting to keep his hips still.  There is no question that Stefano is skilled in the bedroom, and if what he is saying is true- and Sebastian has no reason to doubt that it is- then this is something both of them will enjoy.

 

As Stefano’s mouth works its way up his thigh, Sebastian does still have that time at Slade’s house in the back of his mind, but it seems very different now that he knows Stefano was aroused as well, that Stefano wasn’t just acting to please him or to satisfy Slade, but of his own will.

 

He’s not hard by the time Stefano’s mouth reaches his cock, but he’s getting there, and much like the last time, Stefano starts off with soft, gentle licks.  His hands move in to cradle Sebastian’s cock and balls, and his tongue is relentlessly probing all of Sebastian’s most sensitive places.

 

“My god, Stefano,” Sebastian moans as the strokes of Stefano’s tongue become longer and firmer.  Part of him wants to ask Stefano how the hell he can be so good at this, but he’s sure that he doesn’t want to hear Stefano’s answer, so he just leans back and clutches at the couch cushions and gives himself over to Stefano’s mouth.

 

Within a few minutes, he’s as hard as ever, and all thoughts besides himself and Stefano have been banished from his mind.  Stefano’s lips are wrapped around the head of his cock, tongue pressing along the underside before Stefano’s mouth is sliding down, enveloping him completely, and he sighs in relief.  Stefano’s mouth is warm and wet and gripping him so tightly, and one of Stefano’s hands is gently massaging his balls.

 

Sebastian’s eyes have drifted closed as he relaxes into Stefano’s ministrations, but a soft moan from Stefano, a vibration that he feels against the head of his cock, catches his attention.  His eyes snap open, and he looks down at Stefano, trying to determine the reason for the moaning, when he sees that Stefano’s free hand is between his own legs, carefully squeezing his growing erection.

 

“Fuck,” moans Sebastian, because watching Stefano touch himself is incredible for so many reasons.  He wants to make Stefano feel good, and even though he can’t do that with his own hand, it makes him feel warmer inside to know that he’s helping somehow.

 

Stefano gives a questioning hum, and Sebastian tries to explain, though the way Stefano’s mouth is sliding up and down his cock is making it hard to get words out.  When he does speak, it’s in short bursts, punctuated by gasps and grunts as his hands clench the couch even tighter.  “It’s just… you… you look so good… like this… you make me feel… so good.”

 

Even as he speaks, he can see that Stefano’s hand is beginning to slide up and down his cock in time with Stefano’s mouth, and the way Stefano moans around him, spreads his legs a little as he pumps into his own hand, is driving Sebastian to new heights of arousal.  A rush of dizzy excitement hits him, and he has to let his head fall back against the couch again for fear of passing out.

 

“Please, Stefano,” he gasps, one hand coming to rest on Stefano’s head, fingers combing through his hair.  He’s careful not to exert any pressure, but he needs to touch Stefano, needs to be close to him, and Stefano buries his face in Sebastian’s lap with renewed enthusiasm as though he understands.

 

Stefano’s mouth and tongue are truly amazing, and even the occasional scrape of teeth only makes him burn hotter, makes his cock ache with the need for release, and he can feel his climax approaching when Stefano suddenly pulls off.

 

“Where should I…?”  He gives Sebastian a questioning look, and Sebastian gives him one right back, because he has no idea what Stefano is asking, and his brain isn’t able to form a coherent sentence at the moment.  “…I don’t want to ruin your carpet,” Stefano adds.

 

“Oh,” Sebastian replies, realizing suddenly what Stefano means.  He wants to tell him that he doesn’t give a shit about the carpet and Stefano should come wherever he wants, but Stefano looks so genuinely distressed by this prospect that instead he looks around for a solution and spots his shirt on the floor.  “Just use one of my shirts,” he says.

 

Stefano raises an eyebrow at him.

 

“It’s fine,” Sebastian says with a wave of his hand.  “I do wash my clothes occasionally.”

 

That gets a smile out of Stefano, and in the next moment he is grabbing for one of Sebastian’s shirts and setting it in front of him before he is swallowing down Sebastian’s cock again.  This time there is no hesitation, and Stefano takes him in deep on each stroke, the heat and the pressure threatening to overwhelm him every time.

 

Stefano’s body is moving too, hips thrusting into his hand.  His movements are becoming more and more erratic, and Sebastian watches for as long as he can until his own climax is so close he can almost taste it, until Stefano sucks him all the way down, his throat squeezing and massaging and working Sebastian over so thoroughly that Sebastian is moaning his name, hips jerking up off the couch as he climaxes in a blindingly white flash of pleasure.

 

The tension runs out of him all at once, and he feels boneless on the couch, feels Stefano’s throat squeeze him a few more times, feels the last few jerky movements of Stefano’s body and Stefano’s hand before Stefano lets out a groan that vibrates through his entire lower body and then goes limp against him.  He lifts his head, letting Sebastian’s cock slip from his mouth so that he can rest his forehead on Sebastian’s thigh.

 

Sebastian’s hand is still in Stefano’s hair, and he scratches gently at his scalp, eliciting a hum of pleasure from Stefano.  “That was incredible,” Sebastian murmurs, and Stefano nods weakly against his leg.  Sebastian realizes very quickly that this is not enough contact to satisfy him, so he reaches down, gathering Stefano in his arms and pulling him up into his lap.

 

“There,” he says quietly.  “You’re alright.”

 

Stefano snuggles against him, his head resting on Sebastian’s shoulder before Sebastian adds, “Thank you.”

 

“It was nothing,” Stefano murmurs.

 

“It was definitely something,” Sebastian says, turning to place a kiss on Stefano’s forehead.  “Maybe sometime I can do something like that for you.”

 

Stefano smiles faintly.  “I hope so,” he whispers, and Sebastian holds him closer.  There are many things he’d like to do for Stefano when Stefano is feeling up to them, but at the moment, he is quite content to be here with him on the couch.

 

 

 


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You do make me feel good,” Stefano points out. “It is entirely my failing that I am not more responsive to your hand.”
> 
> Sebastian steps forward, taking Stefano by the shoulders. “Stefano,” he says. “It’s not a failing at all- not yours and not mine-, but you do so many things for me, and I just want to be able to take care of you sometimes.”
> 
> Stefano places a hand on his cheek. “Then come back to bed with me,” he says, the corner of his mouth turning up in a smile. “We shall see what we can do about that.”

 

 

Sebastian wakes up in a sweat even though he’s apparently thrown the sheet off of him during the night.  He jerks into a sitting position, and his hand goes immediately to the back of his head, because he can still hear the scraping and sawing, can still feel the sharp, stinging pain of Ruvik’s knife, can feel his thoughts slipping away from him as his paralyzed body struggles to respond.

 

Of course, there’s nothing there now but his hair and his scalp, and everything is exactly as it should be.  He heaves a sigh and flops back down onto the bed, hoping that he hasn’t disturbed Stefano too much.  He knows it’s ridiculous to have nightmares about something that wasn’t even real, that never actually happened to him, but the sounds and the feelings and the cold, creeping dread force their way back into his mind anyway.

 

“Sebastian?” Stefano murmurs, voice thick with sleep.

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian replies, turning to face him.  “I’m sorry.”  He really does feel like shit for waking up Stefano, who undoubtedly needs all the rest he can get.

 

Stefano clears his throat.  “Is something wrong?” he asks, sounding a bit more awake.

 

“No,” Sebastian says, a little sheepishly.  “Everything’s fine.”  It seems like such a stupid thing to be bothered by, and surely a grown man shouldn’t be so disturbed by a dream, but he knows that if it was the other way around- if Stefano was in his place- he certainly wouldn’t think less of him for it.  Of course, that may be because Stefano has real trauma in his past, not memories of illusions of STEM.  “Just dreaming,” he adds.

 

“About your family?”  Stefano gets right to the point, and Sebastian is taken aback for a moment.  He does dream about Lily and Myra often, and maybe that’s why it’s so strange that this other dream has had such a strong effect on him.  He probably should be dreaming about his family, but his mind is still caught up in STEM.

 

“No,” Sebastian replies.  “About STEM… about Ruvik actually.  You know, before you came to help me, when he was trying to get into my brain.”

 

“Oh,” Stefano breathes before he holds his arms open to Sebastian.  “Come here.”  Even though Sebastian feels a little silly, that’s plenty of invitation for him.  He closes the distance between them and rests his head on Stefano’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around Stefano’s waist.

 

Stefano’s hands are already on the back of his head, exactly where he needs to feel them to remember that it was only a dream, that it was never real in the first place.  He is here in his bed with Stefano, and he is safe.  They are both safe.

 

Stefano presses a kiss to his temple as his fingers work their way into Sebastian’s hair, and what started as a simple gesture of comfort is turning into a pretty amazing scalp massage.  Sebastian sighs, letting himself go limp against Stefano as Stefano’s fingers send little ripples of pleasure across his scalp and down his spine.

 

After a few minutes, Stefano kisses him again and whispers, “Better?”

 

“Much,” Sebastian replies.  “Your hands are amazing.”

 

Stefano chuckles.  “I am glad you think so.  Really they are quite ordinary.”

 

“Not to me,” Sebastian insists.  He hugs Stefano closer, trying to figure out how to voice his next thought.  Luckily Stefano is very intuitive.

 

“Something is still bothering you,” Stefano observes, letting one of his hands slip down to rub Sebastian’s back.

 

“Yes,” Sebastian sighs.  “I guess it just feels stupid to have nightmares about something that wasn’t even real.”

 

“I think many nightmares are about things that are not real,” Stefano replies.  “But more importantly, I do not think it is entirely accurate to say that STEM was not real.”

 

“What do you mean?” Sebastian asks.  Despite how real STEM may have felt while they were in it, the thought that there might be some kind of reality to STEM is even more frightening than his nightmare.

 

“Just because it was not happening to your physical body does not mean it was not real,” Stefano says, still rubbing circles on Sebastian’s back.  “If we learned anything in STEM, it is how much influence the mind has.”

 

Sebastian gives a noncommittal hum, and Stefano sighs.  “Let yourself heal, Sebastian.  I know you would do the same for me.”

 

“Of course I would,” Sebastian says, pulling back to look Stefano in the face.  “But you’ve suffered so much more-”.   He stops speaking when Stefano places a finger to his lips.

 

“Do not think about how much either one of us has endured,” Stefano says, his hand sliding over to rest on Sebastian’s cheek.  “Think about where we are now.”

 

Sebastian can’t help smiling at that, because it really is very pleasant just to be here in bed with Stefano with nothing to worry about and nowhere to be.  It gets even better when Stefano leans in to kiss him, and soon he is pulling Stefano against him, tilting his head to deepen the kiss, teasing Stefano’s lips with his tongue until Stefano’s tongue is teasing back.  They pull back a little, both flushed and breathing harder, and Stefano’s smile is triumphant.

 

“Can I run you a bath?” he offers.

 

“What?” Sebastian fumbles, surprised at Stefano’s question. 

 

“Would a bath help you calm down?” Stefano says.  “I find a warm bath or shower very soothing.”

 

“I don’t really take baths,” Sebastian says, still turning the idea over in his brain.  He wants to stay here, to keep kissing Stefano and banish the last traces of the nightmare from his mind, but the idea of being warm and wet and naked with Stefano also sounds like a very pleasant sort of distraction.  “A shower might be nice though.”

 

“Very well,” Stefano replies, leaning in to give Sebastian one more kiss on the forehead before he slips out of bed and into the bathroom.  The light switches on, and a few seconds later the water is running.  Sebastian gets up out of bed to follow Stefano.

 

He strips off his underwear, tossing them on the floor of the bedroom before he steps into the bathroom.  Stefano is leaning against the wall, arms folded across his chest but making no attempt to hide his nudity.  There is a faraway look in his eye, and he makes no move toward the shower.

 

“Aren’t you going to join me?” Sebastian asks, and Stefano jumps as though jolted out of a trance.  He looks back and forth between Sebastian and the shower, and Sebastian can see the muscles in his face tensing even before he speaks.

 

“I do not know,” Stefano says cautiously.  “I do not believe I have ever shared that particular experience with anyone.”

 

“Really?”  Sebastian is momentarily taken aback.  His own memory contains many playful or loving or passionate moments with Myra in the shower, and it’s hard for him to imagine that Stefano has never experienced any of that.  It’s even harder to imagine that Slade and his men left any sexual possibility unexplored.

 

“Really,” Stefano replies with a tense half-smile.  “At Slade’s taking a bath or shower was one of the rare times I could actually be alone.”

 

Sebastian nods in sympathy.  Reading between the lines, it’s not hard to imagine that taking showers or baths might have been the only time Stefano wasn’t being harassed by Slade or Riker or the clients.  All the same, something Riker said is nagging at his mind.  “I guess I just assumed that Slade’s men were involved in that too,” he says, eyes on Stefano as he attempts to gauge his reaction.  “Wasn’t Riker talking about getting you cleaned up one of the times I was there?”

 

Stefano gives a dismissive wave of his hand and averts his eye from Sebastian’s face.  “He was referring to something else,” he says.

 

It takes Sebastian a minute, but then it hits him that Stefano is probably referring to a more intimate kind of cleaning, and he shudders to think of Riker being involved in that.  He reaches for Stefano, taking him by the shoulders.  “I’m sorry I brought it up,” he says gently.  Stefano nods but still doesn’t look at him, and Sebastian tries to refocus, for Stefano’s sake and his own.  “You’re welcome to join me though,” he says nodding toward the shower.  “We can be alone together.”

 

That gets a more genuine smile out of Stefano, and Sebastian is unexpectedly glad that Stefano is so entertained by his occasional clumsiness with words.  He steps over to the shower, pulls back the curtain, and gets in, breathing a sigh of relief when Stefano steps in behind him.

 

No sooner has Stefano closed the curtain than Sebastian is taking him in his arms, holding him close under the spray of warm water.  Stefano’s hands settle on his shoulders, and Sebastian holds on tightly.  The last traces of his nightmare are still pulling at the edges of his mind, and the recent reminder of Stefano’s life with Slade isn’t helping him feel any better, and right now he just needs someone to hold onto.  He’s not even comforting Stefano as much as he is seeking comfort himself, and Stefano seems to understand that, because after a few seconds, his arms are wrapped fully around Sebastian as well.

 

The warm water cascades over both of them, and Sebastian can feel his muscles relaxing, can feel the tension ebbing out of his body, and he can’t be sure whether it’s Stefano or the shower or both, but it’s an incredible feeling.  He breathes and holds onto Stefano and does his best to focus on just the nice things- warmth and safety and the wet slide of Stefano’s skin against his own.

 

Once he has collected himself and banished some of his worst thoughts, Sebastian turns to kiss Stefano on the cheek.  “Sorry,” he murmurs in his ear.  “Got a little caught up in my own head.”

 

Stefano takes Sebastian’s face in his hands and kisses his forehead.  “Everything will be alright,” he says against Sebastian’s skin.  “As you have said to me, just give it time.”

 

Sebastian smiles at that, because maybe that’s all they both need- a little more time.  He tilts his head to capture Stefano’s mouth, and Stefano responds, lips pressing softly against Sebastian’s as his hands slide up and down Sebastian’s body.  Sebastian shivers even under the warm spray of the shower.  The impact of every feather-light touch is magnified, and he feels suddenly vulnerable.  The feeling is heightened when Stefano pulls back from the kiss to look him up and down.

 

Sebastian isn’t usually very self-conscious.  His body is his body, and if someone gets to the point where they’re undressing him, they’re probably pretty committed to doing whatever they’re going to do regardless of what he looks like, but for some reason now he holds his breath.  He stands rigid, watching as Stefano’s fingers trail across his wet skin.  He’s not in terrible shape, but he certainly hasn’t been taking proper care of himself lately, and Stefano probably has hundreds of men to compare him to.  For the first time in recent memory, he worries about whether he should have been spending more time at the gym, whether he should be doing something to hide the scars on his body, whether Stefano would really want to be with him.

 

The feeling passes in a flash when Stefano leans in to press a kiss just behind his ear, then another below that and so on, working his way down to Sebastian’s collarbone, then along that to his shoulder, then back across his chest.  His hands come to rest on Sebastian’s hips, fingers kneading gently as he worships Sebastian’s body with his mouth.  There is no longer any question in Sebastian’s mind about whether Stefano finds him attractive, because his actions speak so clearly.

 

Stefano’s head dips lower, and he kisses his way down Sebastian’s chest, and Sebastian does feel a little aroused by the whole situation, but more than that, he feels wanted, cared for, and he wants Stefano to feel that way too.  He is about to wrap his arms around Stefano, but Stefano is settling onto his knees, kissing his way across Sebastian’s belly, and down his hip, and along the crease of his thigh.

 

Sebastian sighs, resting a hand affectionately on Stefano’s head.  The warm water is still running over both of them, and Stefano’s thumbs are rubbing circles on his thighs, and Stefano’s mouth is so gentle.  The idea that Stefano is here with him, kissing him and touching him, that Stefano is allowing Sebastian to share this with him, to be in his safe space with him, washes over him at about the same time that Stefano’s hands move to carefully hold his cock and balls.  He cups them to his face as he places kisses on them as well.

 

These more intimate kisses draw a little gasp from Sebastian’s throat, because they suggest so much more, and Stefano is very skilled with his mouth.  But pleasure and arousal are mixed with comfort and tenderness, and Sebastian wants to gather Stefano up in his arms and hold him as much as he wants to feel more of Stefano’s mouth on his cock.

 

When Stefano finishes and turns to place a kiss on his thigh, Sebastian gives in and takes Stefano’s hand, urging him back to his feet and stepping in to press their bodies together.  “You’ve been so good to me,” he murmurs in Stefano’s ear over the sound of the water.  “Let me be good to you.”

 

“You are already good to me,” Stefano replies, leaning in to rest his weight against Sebastian.

 

“Not good enough,” Sebastian says.  “You deserve everything.”

 

Stefano sounds like he might be about to protest this, but Sebastian captures his mouth in a kiss, effectively silencing him.  This one is deep and passionate, and when Sebastian pulls back it feels like Stefano has sucked the breath out of him.  He recovers quickly though, turning his attention to Stefano’s jawline and kissing his way along it as Stefano’s hands rest on his shoulders.

 

As he begins his own leisurely exploration of Stefano’s body, Sebastian realizes that he has never had a proper chance to see Stefano naked.  The early times at Slade’s house were always clouded by drugs or marred by the horrible, violent acts of Slade and his men, and more recently every time Stefano has been undressed with him, he has been so focused on Stefano’s mind- on whether Stefano is comfortable and secure and enjoying himself-, and as a result he is woefully unfamiliar with the more physical aspects of Stefano.

 

He does his best to make up for lost time, cataloguing every inch of pale, soft skin with his fingers and his lips and his tongue.  Stefano is remarkably free from scars aside from his face and the one from his recent surgery, and Sebastian wonders if this was part of Slade’s policy not to let the escorts be injured- at least not in ways that would be visible to clients.  The anger starts to rise up inside him again, both because Slade was so committed to preserving Stefano’s body and so unconcerned about his mind, and because regardless of Slade’s rules, Riker did hurt Stefano in so many ways.  He breathes deeply, blows the anger out in one long exhale, because he and Stefano are having such a nice moment that he doesn’t want to taint it with his anger at someone else.

 

His fingers run up and down Stefano’s back as he continues to kiss and lick at Stefano’s chest.  He pays particular attention to Stefano’s nipples, not in an attempt to arouse him but because he still shudders to remember the brutal clamps that Riker used on him in STEM.  It may be phantom pain, maybe even less than phantom pain, but Sebastian does his best to soothe it away, licking and sucking with abandon as he tries to force the less pleasant memories out of his head.

 

It’s possible he’s overdoing it a bit, because Stefano is breathing hard and clutching at his shoulders by the time he moves on to plant a series of kisses along Stefano’s ribs, which are a bit too prominent for his liking.  His kisses here are long and slow, letting Stefano calm down before he moves on to more intimate areas.

 

He kneels down in front of Stefano, letting his lips trace along the surgical scar on his belly.  It’s long and not particularly straight- the hallmark of an incision made for emergency medicine- and he kisses every inch of it, pausing when he gets to the bottom before he drags his tongue back up along it so that Stefano shivers and grabs his arms for support.

 

“Does it bother you?” Stefano asks, voice almost too soft to be heard over the water.

 

“No,” Sebastian replies, looking steadily up at Stefano.  “What bothers me is that I couldn’t protect you.”

 

“It was not your job to protect me.”

 

Sebastian opens his mouth to argue that it was quite literally his job to protect his informant when he remembers that he wasn’t technically even employed at the time, so instead he says, “But I still wanted to.”

 

“I know,” Stefano says.  One of his hands comes to rest on Sebastian’s head, fingers gently combing through his hair.

 

Sebastian leans in to kiss the scar one more time, to breathe in the smell of Stefano’s wet, naked skin before he moves even lower, and realizes with some surprise that this is the closest he’s ever had his face to another man’s genitals.  He turns his head away, a blush creeping onto his face, because he is truly out of his element now, but in the next moment Stefano’s fingernails are scratching at his scalp and Stefano’s voice is coming from above him.

 

“It is alright, Sebastian,” he says.  “You can just look if you prefer.”

 

Sebastian does look, and even though it’s strange to have his face less than foot from Stefano’s cock and balls, it’s not really that much different from the other things they’ve done together, and when he remembers how roughly Riker used to handle this particular part of Stefano, he suddenly wants very much to do more than look.  He wants to touch and soothe and kiss all of the bad memories away.

 

His hand slides from Stefano’s hip across the front of his thigh, and after a brief glance up and a nod from Stefano, he is cradling Stefano’s cock and balls in his hands, letting the warm water run over them and him as he fondles the soft skin with careful fingers.  Both of Stefano’s hands are on his head now, stroking his hair, and it seems only natural to bow his head to press his lips to Stefano’s cock.

 

Stefano jumps a little at the first touch of his mouth, but steadies himself and pats Sebastian’s head.  Sebastian kisses his way up and down, feeling Stefano start to relax into his touch.  He buries his face deeper, kissing Stefano’s cock and his balls and the inside of his thighs over and over again.  Before he even realizes it, two of his fingers have slipped behind Stefano’s balls, rubbing at the skin there, and Stefano is taking his shoulders, moving his legs apart to permit further exploration.

 

Sebastian pauses in his ministrations, glancing up at Stefano, because it has occurred to him that even though Stefano is probably very accustomed to being penetrated in every possible opening- he pushes those thoughts out of his head- he has experienced a lot of trauma recently and may not welcome this kind of touching at the moment.

 

“You may touch me there if you like,” Stefano says.  His face is utterly serene, almost the way he used to be when he was under the influence of Slade’s drugs, but right now he is only under the influence of warm water and Sebastian’s hands.  “Stay on the outside,” he cautions.

 

“Of course,” Sebastian replies just before he kisses Stefano’s hip.  His fingers move back farther, gliding along damp skin until they trace over Stefano’s opening.  The skin there is soft and puckered, and Sebastian strokes gently as he presses his face against Stefano’s thigh, as he wills himself to forget all about Jimenez and Riker and the various implements they used on Stefano, to replace all of those memories with these soft, easy strokes of his fingers, with the knowledge that he will make sure no one ever treats Stefano’s body so carelessly again.

 

When he finishes, he lets his hands rest on Stefano’s hips, and he is about to stand up when Stefano presses down lightly on his shoulders.

 

“Stay there,” he says.  “Let me do something for you.”

 

Sebastian is initially a little puzzled about what exactly Stefano is going to do for him in this position, but then Stefano reaches for the bottle of shampoo and pours some into his hand.  Sebastian smiles, leaning in close and resting his face against Stefano’s belly so that Stefano can begin to work the shampoo into his hair.

 

Stefano’s hands are strong and sure and giving him a deliciously thorough scalp massage, which is all the more therapeutic after his nightmare, and Sebastian just relaxes into it, pressing kisses to Stefano’s skin every now and then until Stefano adjusts the shower spray to rinse his hair and then takes him by the arms, urging him back to his feet.

 

Stefano washes his body with the same reverence that he employed in his initial inspection of Sebastian.  Every touch is slow and methodical and so full of care that Sebastian has to wonder where Stefano learned this or whether this is the kind of intimacy he’s been missing for the past few years.

 

When Stefano is finished, Sebastian picks up the shampoo and prepares to return the favor when Stefano raises an eyebrow at him.  “I am capable of washing myself, you know,” he says.

 

Sebastian smiles at him.  “So am I,” he says, as he starts to work his fingers into Stefano’s hair.  “That’s not really the point.”  Stefano doesn’t reply, but he does let out a little sigh as Sebastian begins to massage his scalp.

 

It dawns on Sebastian as he continues to wash Stefano’s body that Stefano probably isn’t used to having his needs or his preferences tended to in any way.  At Slade’s he was a tool, an object to be used by others, and that likely explains why he is so confused or even stand-offish when Sebastian tries to do something nice for him.

 

When they are both washed and rinsed and Sebastian is starting to worry about running out of hot water, he cuts off the shower and pulls back the curtain, grabbing both towels and handing one to Stefano.  He is still mulling over the thoughts he was having during the shower, and after he finishes rubbing his hair with the towel, he fixes Stefano with his gaze.

 

“I want to do more for you,” he says simply.

 

Stefano smiles.  “You already do so much for me.”

 

“In the bedroom, I mean,” Sebastian says.  “I want to learn how to make you feel good.”

 

“You do make me feel good,” Stefano points out.  “It is entirely my failing that I am not more responsive to your hand.”

 

Sebastian steps forward, taking Stefano by the shoulders.  “Stefano,” he says.  “It’s not a failing at all- not yours and not mine-, but you do so many things for me, and I just want to be able to take care of you sometimes.”

 

Stefano places a hand on his cheek.  “Then come back to bed with me,” he says, the corner of his mouth turning up in a smile.  “We shall see what we can do about that.”

 

Stefano turns and leads the way into the bedroom, and Sebastian follows.  Even though they’ve been naked together before, there is something especially thrilling this time about slipping under the sheet with Stefano and pressing the full length of their bodies together.  Stefano’s arms are around his neck, and Stefano’s mouth is on his, and he draws Stefano’s tongue in hungrily, wondering if this is what it might be like to take Stefano’s cock in his mouth.

 

When Stefano pulls back from the kiss, Sebastian decides it’s a good time to remind him of what they’re supposed to be doing.  “Show me what you like,” he whispers before placing a kiss on Stefano’s cheek.

 

His eyes haven’t adjusted to the darkness yet, so he can’t see Stefano, but he is willing to bet that he’s blushing.  His answer comes after a pause.  “Well… you already know one thing.”  His hand finds Sebastian’s, guiding it to his chest.

 

“Right,” Sebastian murmurs, his thumb brushing over Stefano’s nipple.  Stefano’s hands go to his shoulders, holding on tightly as he rubs back and forth, then pinches it lightly between his thumb and forefinger.  Stefano lets out his breath in a long exhale, only to gasp when Sebastian tugs.

 

Sebastian’s mouth is on his neck, his collarbone, his shoulder before it joins his fingers, and the way Stefano sighs and moans as he sucks and licks is so incredibly satisfying.  His hands slide down to Stefano’s ass, pulling Stefano tightly against him as he shifts his mouth to the other nipple, which hardens immediately under his tongue.  It’s not the only thing that’s hardening either, as Sebastian can tell when he bites down lightly and Stefano’s hips jerk forward against him.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano gasps, hands tightening on Sebastian’s shoulders.  His hips are moving rhythmically now, keeping pace with Sebastian’s mouth, and it is only when he pauses in his movements that Sebastian lifts his head to look up at him.

 

“What else do you like?” Sebastian asks, his voice coming out a little gruffer than he intended because Stefano’s rubbing and moaning has been having quite an effect on him.

 

Stefano is quiet, and Sebastian presses a kiss to the center of his chest.  “You said something about my hand before,” he offers, pausing to summon his courage before he continues.  “What if I used my mouth?”

 

Stefano is still and silent in his arms, and Sebastian waits for his answer.  “I… I do not know,” Stefano says finally.  “I have very little experience being on the receiving end of that particular act.”

 

“Can I try then?” Sebastian asks hopefully.  Stefano’s lack of experience in this area might actually be a good thing if it means he doesn’t have any bad memories associated with it.

 

“Why would you want to do that?” Stefano asks, sounding genuinely puzzled.

 

Sebastian kisses Stefano’s chest again.  “To make you feel good,” he says.  “And it was so nice in the shower just a minute ago- holding you and kissing you there.”  Stefano shivers in his arms, and Sebastian adds, “Besides, you seemed to really enjoy doing that for me yesterday.”

 

“Alright,” Stefano whispers, embracing Sebastian briefly before loosening his hold so that Sebastian can shift farther down his body.  Stefano is still on his side, one foot now braced on the bed, allowing Sebastian access to his body.

 

Sebastian props himself up on one elbow, taking his time as he kisses his way up the inside of Stefano’s thigh, feeling the muscles under his mouth twitch occasionally, until he reaches his goal.  Stefano’s cock is still half-hard, and Sebastian forgoes all technique for the moment to simply bury his face between Stefano’s legs, kissing and licking whatever he can reach as Stefano’s hands fist in his hair.  He needs to taste Stefano, needs to be close to him, to soothe away the pain that Slade and Riker have caused him, and if Stefano’s gasps and whimpers are any indication, he is well on his way to doing that.

 

He pauses, breathing out slowly in a way that must tickle, judging by how Stefano squirms, before he refocuses his attentions, kissing his way from the base to the tip of Stefano’s cock and back again, bringing a hand up to hold Stefano’s balls so that he can kiss them as well.  He’s going completely on instinct, tongue darting out to bathe Stefano’s skin, but when Stefano gasps and tightens his fingers in Sebastian’s hair it’s a pretty good indication that things are going well.

 

He continues to make long, slow strokes with his tongue, finishing with Stefano’s balls and making his way back up to his cock.  Stefano is fully hard now, and when Sebastian reaches the tip of his cock he tentatively wraps a hand around it so that he can ease back Stefano’s foreskin and lap at the exposed head of his cock.  The first stroke of his tongue makes Stefano’s body jerk sharply, a choked sound escaping from his throat.

 

Sebastian almost asks Stefano if he’s okay, but the fact that Stefano is still hard and clinging to him and moaning his name is answer enough, and he tries again, gently teasing the head of Stefano’s cock with his tongue.  “Please, Sebastian,” Stefano gasps, and that is all the encouragement Sebastian needs to take Stefano’s cock fully in his mouth.

 

It’s a little awkward at first because Sebastian is acutely aware of where his teeth are and making sure not to accidentally scrape Stefano with them, but after a few tentative strokes, he is able to bob his head up and down with at least some semblance of the appropriate technique, and Stefano is sighing, rolling over onto his back and letting his legs fall open.  Sebastian moves with him, adjusting his angle so that he can comfortably take Stefano deeper, and soon Stefano is panting under him, his hands still tangled in Sebastian’s hair.

 

Emboldened by Stefano’s obvious enjoyment, Sebastian begins to experiment a little, gripping Stefano more tightly with his lips and applying pressure with his tongue until Stefano is gasping for breath, hips rising up to meet Sebastian’s mouth on every stroke.  One hand is still holding Stefano’s balls, fondling and squeezing gently, careful to avoid anything rough that might bring back unpleasant memories.

 

He can hear the change in Stefano’s breathing when things start to escalate, can feel Stefano’s muscles tensing up under him, and by the time he hears his name on Stefano’s lips he already knows what’s about to happen.  Stefano does give a firm tug on his hair as well, but Sebastian only hums in acknowledgment and redoubles his efforts, taking Stefano in as deep as he can without gagging, and the next time Stefano gasps out his name, Stefano’s seed is filling his mouth.

 

It’s a novel taste- slightly bitter- but Sebastian swallows down as much as he can, keeping his lips sealed around Stefano’s cock as Stefano jerks against him one more time and goes still.  He waits a few seconds before he pulls off of Stefano’s cock, and when he does it is only to kiss the inside of each thigh before he rests his head on one of them, feeling a little winded himself.  Stefano’s hands have released their death grip on his hair, though one of them is still rubbing his head absently, and Sebastian is feeling quite peaceful and content until Stefano whispers his name again.

 

“Sebastian.”

 

This time it’s barely audible, and Stefano sounds almost afraid.  Sebastian is pushing up onto his hands and knees in an instant, crawling up the bed to wrap his arms around Stefano, who embraces him fiercely.

 

“What’s wrong?” he asks as Stefano clings to him.

 

“Just hold me please,” Stefano murmurs into his chest, and Sebastian holds him.  For long minutes they lie like that, Sebastian holding Stefano close and rubbing his back and whispering words of affection and encouragement.

 

“Thank you,” Stefano says finally, though he doesn’t release Sebastian.  “That was quite… intense.  I apologize if I overreacted.”

 

“Not at all,” Sebastian replies.  “It can be like that, and it’s normal to want to cuddle afterward.”  He gives Stefano a little squeeze for emphasis.

 

“You want to cuddle all the time,” Stefano says, stifling a yawn.

 

“You got me,” Sebastian says, because Stefano is right of course.

 

“Give me just a moment,” Stefano says.  “I will make sure that you are taken care of.”

 

“I’m taken care of,” Sebastian responds immediately.  Stefano is clearly fading fast, and even though he hasn’t climaxed himself, he is feeling perfectly content, sated, and sleepy in Stefano’s arms.  He thinks that he hears a whispered thanks from Stefano, but he’s asleep before he can respond.

 

 

 


	47. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before he even knows what he is doing, Sebastian is gently taking Stefano’s face in his hands and leaning in to kiss his forehead. “I’m not going to fuck you,” he says when he pulls back, his lips curling at the word. While Sebastian certainly swears enough, using such a vulgar description of anything involving Stefano’s body seems wrong. “But I’ll be one with you.” I’ll make love to you, he wants to say, but he’s not sure if that’s going too far, if somehow using those kinds of words will sever the fragile bond they have.

 

 

Sebastian wakes up with the smell of Stefano comfortably enveloping him and the taste of Stefano still in his mouth and Stefano himself wrapped around him.  The light is filtering in through the window, and Stefano is embracing him from behind, and his nightmare seems so far away that it takes him a moment to remember why exactly they were awake and taking a shower in the middle of the night.

  
  
As unpleasant as it may have been initially, Sebastian has that nightmare to thank for how much closer he feels to Stefano this morning.  The time they spent in the shower, exploring each other with the relaxed intimacy of experienced lovers has made him more certain than ever that what he has with Stefano is real, that they can overcome Stefano's past trauma and his own grief and make something lasting.

  
  
Stefano sighs and holds him closer in his sleep, and Sebastian relaxes back into him.  It occurs to him as he is soaking up all of Stefano that he can- the scratch of Stefano's stubble on the back of his shoulder and the strength of Stefano's arms around him and the nudge of Stefano's morning erection against the back of his thigh- how very unlike Myra Stefano is.  And yet the way he feels when he is with Stefano reminds him so strongly of how he felt with Myra, the sense of comfort and safety and companionship.

  
  
He doesn't have too much time to dwell on that though, because Stefano is stirring, stretching and pressing himself against Sebastian's back, making his erection all the more noticeable.

  
  
"Good morning," Sebastian says, reaching behind him to give Stefano's hip a squeeze.

  
  
"Good morning," Stefano replies.  He presses a kiss to Sebastian's shoulder before his hands start to move up and down Sebastian's chest.  Sebastian shivers in pleasure, his skin tingling everywhere that Stefano touches him.  As much as he is enjoying what Stefano is already doing, he wants those hands to move even lower, to touch and squeeze and rub his cock, which is already showing signs of interest.

  
  
He arches his back against Stefano, and Stefano seems to take the hint.  His hand slips lower but manages to avoid Sebastian's cock completely, stroking down his thigh and then back up the inside so that Sebastian bends his knee, presses his hips toward Stefano's hand, and practically groans in frustration.

  
  
Stefano chuckles.  "Now, this is your own fault, you know.  If you had let me take care of you last night, you might not be in such a desperate state this morning."

 

"You don't seem to be doing much better yourself," Sebastian grumbles, letting his hand drift between them to palm Stefano's cock for emphasis.

 

"Can you blame me?" Stefano asks, a playful tone in his voice now.  "I find sleeping with you to be very...stimulating."

 

"I know exactly what you mean," Sebastian replies, his words a little clipped as he fights his own arousal.  "Are you going to do anything about it or are you just going to torture me?"  It's a little bolder than he would normally be, but Stefano is hard and rubbing up against him and still making those teasing strokes of his hand up and down Sebastian's thigh, and the fact that Stefano won’t touch him where he needs it most is almost maddening.

 

"Actually," Stefano begins, "I was hoping you might be willing to do something about it."  His hand stops moving, and he leans in close so that his breath tickles Sebastian's ear.  "Will you take me, Sebastian?  Will you be inside me again?"

 

Sebastian shivers, though he can't be sure whether it's from the whisper soft breaths against his ear or the words Stefano is speaking, because both are very powerful.  His initial reaction is that he would like nothing more than to be inside Stefano again, but he has some reservations.  He turns over to face Stefano, letting one hand come to rest on his belly over the most recent scar.  “Are you sure you’re ready for that?” he asks, leaning in to rub his cheek against Stefano’s.  “I mean, do you feel like you’ve had enough time to recover?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  He kisses Sebastian on the cheek before he throws a leg over Sebastian’s waist and presses his hips forward.  The touch of his cock- his soft, sensitive skin to Sebastian’s- is exquisite.  “I have had more than enough time to recover.  Now I just feel… empty.”

 

The way that Stefano’s words brush against his ear, the way that Stefano’s cock is nudging against his, overwhelms him for a moment, and his hand slides around to cup Stefano’s ass, pulling them tightly together so that Sebastian gasps at the firmer stimulation and Stefano utters a breathless cry and clutches at his shoulders.

 

In the next moment, Sebastian recovers himself, taking a deep breath and loosening his hold a little, though his body stays flush against Stefano’s.  He needs to think, to do this properly, because he wants to be more than just a replacement for those other men, the ones who filled Stefano up just long enough to see to their own needs, their own pleasure, and then left him feeling even emptier than before.  He absolutely refuses to be one of those men, and only Stefano can help him figure out how to do that.

 

He approaches the topic carefully, because, despite his admission last night, Stefano generally doesn’t cast himself as a victim in all of this.  “And this is… enjoyable for you?  It’s not…?  It doesn’t…?”  What he’s trying to ask- or maybe avoid asking- is whether this is going to hurt Stefano, but it seems like a very stupid question.  Even though he is sure that some of what Riker did to Stefano was painful, he is equally sure that Stefano was enjoying himself that morning they were together in the motel, so there must be a right way to do this.

 

Stefano draws back a little, raising a hand to caress Sebastian’s cheek.  He gives Sebastian a sad-looking smile before he speaks.  “Sometimes it does,” he begins, “when Riker or Slade or one of the clients wanted it to hurt, they would find a way.”  His hand moves to Sebastian’s shoulder, fingers tracing over the skin there as he continues, “By using something too large, or an object that was not designed for that purpose, or by denying me adequate preparation.”

 

His fingers move down Sebastian’s arm, making aimless patterns on his skin.  Stefano sounds more like he’s talking to himself now than Sebastian, but Sebastian is still hanging on his every word.  “Often with the clients it did not feel like anything more than a simple touch or a slightly invasive medical procedure, but I suppose that is because I became very adept at not feeling when it was not convenient to do so.”

 

He looks back up at Sebastian.  “That is one of the things I loathed about Riker.  He could make me feel- pain, pleasure, whatever it was that he thought would torment me, would make me feel vulnerable to him.  He could make me feel, and the way that he fucked me ensured that I never forgot that.”

 

Sebastian nods, but doesn’t say anything, because Stefano is already drawing a breath to continue.  He is starting to understand a little more where Stefano draws the line, how he will- well, perhaps not willingly, but uncomplainingly- give up control of his body, but guard his own thoughts and feelings, limit others’ ability to influence him.  It certainly helps explain how he lasted so long at Slade’s by construing the whole thing as his choice.

 

Stefano’s hand comes back to his face, cupping his cheek.  “But with you, Sebastian, with you it is a very different story.  With you I want to feel, and I want to be vulnerable, and I want to remember every moment.”  His eye is boring into Sebastian’s.  “Please Sebastian, fuck me-” Sebastian flinches at his use of the word, but Stefano ignores him “-make me feel again, let me be one with you.”

 

Before he even knows what he is doing, Sebastian is gently taking Stefano’s face in his hands and leaning in to kiss his forehead.  “I’m not going to fuck you,” he says when he pulls back, his lips curling at the word.  While Sebastian certainly swears enough, using such a vulgar description of anything involving Stefano’s body seems wrong.  “But I’ll be one with you.”  _I’ll make love to you,_ he wants to say, but he’s not sure if that’s going too far, if somehow using those kinds of words will sever the fragile bond they have.

 

Stefano tilts his chin up to capture Sebastian’s mouth with his.  When he pulls back from the kiss, he looks like he can barely contain his excitement, and Sebastian can’t help but smile at his obvious enthusiasm.

 

“Just let me get ready,” he says, turning and pulling out of Sebastian’s grasp.  “Do you have lubricant?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian replies.  “In the bedside table.”  Fortunately, there’s still plenty of lube left in the bottle since prior to meeting Stefano he had only been using it for his nightly liaisons with his own right hand.  Stefano takes it, closes the drawer, and turns to head into the bathroom before Sebastian calls after him.

 

“Hold on,” he says.  Sebastian has some idea of what “getting ready” means, though the idea of Stefano excusing himself to do it alone, as he must have done that other time at the motel, is a little troubling.  This is new to Sebastian, but he’s pretty sure that this is something two people in a caring relationship might do together.

 

“Is… umm… is this something that you prefer to do yourself?” Sebastian stutters, feeling suddenly embarrassed since he isn’t entirely sure what he is asking for.  “Or could I help?”

 

A shadow passes over Stefano’s face for a moment, before his smile returns and he says, “I preferred to prepare myself, though Slade often insisted that Riker or one of his other employees do it.  The clients would just go straight to whatever act they wanted to perform, so it was easier and safer to have everything lubricated and stretched before I even started in a new room.”

 

Sebastian nods, because he does remember Riker preparing Stefano with his fingers.  He waits for a moment, because Stefano seems to be deliberating before he speaks again.  “I think it would be alright for you to help as long as you are not too rough.”  He takes a seat on the bed and extends the bottle of lube to Sebastian.

 

Sebastian takes the bottle from him and sets it aside, then takes his hand, pressing a kiss to the back of it.  “Have I ever been rough with you?”

 

“No,” Stefano says, “but this is a bit different.”

 

“You know I’m a fast learner,” Sebastian says with a smile that he hopes is reassuring, because he needs confidence as much as Stefano does right now.  “Just talk me through it.  You know I’m not going to hurt you.”

 

“I know,” Stefano says, flashing him a smile in return.  He slides back into bed next to Sebastian and lies back on the pillows, legs slightly apart and eye fixed on the ceiling.

 

“Hey,” Sebastian murmurs, scooting closer so that his chest is pressed up against Stefano’s side and one of his hands is splayed across Stefano’s chest.  “You okay?”

 

Stefano turns to look at him.  “Yes,” he replies.  “But are you sure you want to do this?  It could be like the last time if you prefer.  I could take care of all of the unpleasant work, and then you could just-”

 

“Stop,” Sebastian says, fixing Stefano with a serious look, because ‘unpleasant’ is a word that Stefano often uses to describe things that are painful or humiliating.  “Who would this be unpleasant for?”

 

“Well, for you, I would assume,” Stefano says.  “Surely you do not wish to put your fingers… there.”

 

“I’m pretty sure that’s what I just asked to do,” Sebastian says, raising an eyebrow playfully.  He supposes it’s a feature of his life with Slade that Stefano sees this act as a chore that must be completed before they can move on to more enjoyable things, but Sebastian also remembers how Stefano responded to Riker’s fingers while he was watching on the cameras.  Of course, that was Riker, and this is going to be very different from that time, but Sebastian’s curiosity about Stefano’s body is motivated at least in part by the idea that he may be able to give Stefano some pleasure.

 

“You are a strange man,” Stefano says, but his face is more relaxed now, and he draws his legs up, spreading them apart for Sebastian.

 

“Not really,” Sebastian says as he sits up again, moving into position between Stefano’s legs.  “Just a man who wants to make you feel good.”

 

Stefano’s mouth curves up into a smile as he relaxes back onto the pillows.  Sebastian doesn’t reach for the lube yet, but instead lets his hand move in circles on Stefano’s chest and abdomen, then down to stroke the insides of his thighs, then back up to his chest, then down to gently palm his cock.

 

Stefano is breathing deeply, and Stefano’s skin is warm even if goosebumps are springing up under Sebastian’s fingers, and it is so peaceful to be sitting here touching Stefano so intimately that Sebastian is lulled almost into a trance.

 

A knock on the front door of the house makes both of them jump.  Sebastian recovers from the shock quickly enough, and he is just starting to laugh at how incredibly bad this visitor’s timing is when he looks at Stefano and the sound dies on his lips.  Stefano’s eye is wide, staring straight ahead with no sign that he even sees Sebastian.  His body is shaking, and he sits up, pulling his knees into his chest abruptly and dislodging Sebastian’s hands from him.

 

“Stefano?” Sebastian says, placing a hand on his knee.  “Stefano, it’s alright.”  He’s trying to keep his voice calm and soothing, but panic is welling up inside him, because clearly something is very wrong.

 

Stefano isn’t responding to him at all, and Sebastian has just shifted over to sit next to him when the knock sounds again.  “Fuck,” Sebastian growls, wishing whoever is at the door would just go away.  He turns to Stefano, but the knocking is back, even more insistent.  Clearly this person is not going to leave, and he isn’t going to get Stefano calmed down until the knocking stops.

 

“Shit, I’m sorry,” he says to Stefano.  “Just hold on.”  He leaps out of bed and fumbles in the hamper for a pair of sweatpants, staggering into them one leg at a time as he heads for the front door.  He has a fleeting thought that maybe this is one of Slade’s men or another agent of Mobius, but if that was the case they’d probably already be inside instead of loudly announcing their presence.

 

His suspicions are entirely dispelled when he looks through the peephole and sees Joseph, who is raising his fist to pound on the door again.

 

“Hang on, Joseph.  I’m here,” he calls as he unbolts the door and pulls it open.

 

“Jesus Christ, Seb!” Joseph sputters as he steps over the threshold without waiting for an invitation- not that Joseph ever needed an invitation to enter his house.  “Where have you been?”

 

“Right here,” Sebastian says, closing and locking the door.

 

“Why haven’t you been answering your phone?” Joseph’s voice is transitioning from panicked to exasperated.

 

“I… I don’t know,” Sebastian replies, puzzled.  “Maybe it got switched to silent?”  He can’t remember the last time he actually used his phone, though he’s sure it was to exchange a message with Joseph.  Of course, he has been a little preoccupied with Stefano lately…

 

“Hey, can you stay right here for a second?” he asks, already dashing back down the hall to the bedroom.

 

Stefano is still sitting against the headboard, knees drawn up to his chest, but now he has the sheet wrapped around him.  Sebastian closes the bedroom door behind him and eases onto the bed next to Stefano, heartened by the fact that Stefano’s eye seems to be focused on him now.

 

“It’s only Joseph,” he says, reaching out to wrap an arm around Stefano.  Stefano leans on him heavily, resting his head on Sebastian’s shoulder.

 

“My apologies,” Stefano says, his voice coming out flat even though Sebastian can feel his heart pounding.  “I did not mean to react so strongly.”

 

“It’s alright.”  Sebastian turns toward Stefano, wrapping both arms around him now.  Stefano goes limp in his arms, letting Sebastian hold him and rub his back and whisper more soothing words to him.  Sebastian doesn’t have to ask why he’s upset.  He can imagine a hundred reasons why knocking on a door would be a very unwelcome sound in Slade’s house, and figuring out the exact reason seems a lot less important than comforting Stefano.

 

After a few minutes of holding each other and breathing together, Sebastian can feel Stefano’s heart slowing down, can feel his shaking stop, and then Stefano lifts his head.  “Thank you,” he says, leaning in to kiss Sebastian on the cheek.  “I am alright now.”  He pauses.  “What did Joseph want?”

 

“I don’t know,” Sebastian replies.  “I sort of left him in the living room.”

 

Stefano smiles a little at that.  “Well, perhaps you should go and ask him,” he says.  “Or better yet, put on a shirt and go ask him.”

 

Sebastian laughs.  Joseph has seen him in basically all states of undress at different times, though he hadn’t stopped to consider the fact that he might have been a little underdressed when he opened the door for Joseph.  He slides out of bed and gets a clean shirt out of his drawer.  Then, deciding that he might as well commit to a whole outfit, he finds a clean pair of jeans and underwear and gets dressed.

 

“You’re welcome to join us if you feel up to it,” he tells Stefano as he rakes a hand through his hair.  There’s probably nothing he can do about his terrible case of bedhead, but that won’t bother Joseph either.

 

“I will be right behind you,” Stefano says.  “I just need a minute.”

 

“Of course,” Sebastian says with a nod, stepping back out into the hall and closing the door behind him.

 

Joseph is sitting at the kitchen table, and Sebastian can tell by the welcoming aroma spreading through the house that he’s already started the coffee maker.

 

“Sorry about that,” Sebastian says as he grabs three mugs and lines them up on the counter.  “I think you just surprised Stefano a little bit.”

 

“How’s he doing?” Joseph asks.

 

“Pretty well,” Sebastian replies.  “At least I think so.  It’s kind of hard to tell what’s going on his head, but he’s opening up a little more every day.”  He shakes his head.  “He’s just been through a lot, and I’m sure I don’t even know about all of it yet.”

 

Joseph’s brow furrows in concern.  “Do you think maybe he should talk to a doctor?”

 

“I’m not sure we’ll ever get him back into a hospital,” Sebastian says.  “I think the only reason we got him in there last time is because he was unconscious.”

 

The coffeemaker beeps and Sebastian takes the pot and fills up the three mugs as Joseph speaks.  “I meant more like a therapist or some kind of mental health professional.”

 

“I don’t know,” Sebastian says, handing one of the mugs to Joseph.  “I can ask him, but I have a feeling he’s not going to go for it.  He’s very independent.”  What Sebastian isn’t going to say is that in order for Stefano to get any benefit out of talking to the therapist, he’d probably have to tell them about Emily Lewis, and he isn’t so sure that’s a good idea.

 

Fortunately, he’s saved from having to explain any further by the sound of the bedroom door opening.  A few seconds later, Stefano steps into the kitchen, clad as usual in Sebastian’s T-shirt and sweatpants.  Sebastian makes a mental note that they really do have to get him some proper clothes.

 

“Hi, Stefano,” Joseph says with a smile.  “Sorry for barging in on you guys like this.  If _somebody_ -”  He shoots a meaningful glance at Sebastian.  “-would answer his phone, then I wouldn’t have had to make a house call.”

 

“I see,” Stefano says, giving Sebastian a sidelong glance as well.

 

Sebastian hurries to explain.  “Look, I don’t know what happened exactly, but we’re fine.”  He hands Stefano a cup of coffee, then takes the third one for himself and takes a sip before he asks.  “Anything new in the investigation?”

 

“As a matter of fact, yes,” Joseph replies.  “That’s what I was trying to call you about in the first place.”  He beckons them closer to the table.  “Come and sit down.  It’s a bit of a story and you both need to hear it.”

 

Joseph waits until Sebastian and Stefano are settled at the table and sipping their coffee before he begins.  “Seb, you remember Harvey, right?  Works in Cartersville now?”

 

“Yeah, of course I do” Sebastian replies.  Daniel Harvey was at the Academy with him and Joseph, and they were in the same precinct for a couple years as patrol officers before he got married and moved to Cartersville, a city about two hours away from Krimson.  “Is he a detective over there now?”

 

“Yes,” Joseph replies.  “Vice and Narcotics, actually, and he called me yesterday with a really weird scenario.”  He sits back in his chair, crossing one leg over the other before he continues, “Apparently they busted a low-level dealer and pimp- not an easy guy to get a hold of, mind you.  It took a lot of surveillance just to find his base of operations, but we’re still not talking about a major supplier or cartel leader or anything like that, which is why the next part is strange.”

 

Sebastian nods and sips his coffee, waiting for Joseph to go on.

 

“They arrest him, put him in the interview room, and before they can even read him his rights, a couple of guys in suits show up saying they’ve got a federal writ to take him into custody-”

 

“Wait,” Sebastian interrupts.  “Who exactly are these guys?  DEA?  FBI?  ATF?”

 

“Harvey says they had FBI credentials,” Joseph explains, “but come on Sebastian, you know as well as I do that the feds don’t want to mess around with somebody who’s moving a couple kilos of cocaine.  They only come in on the really big ones, and even then only if the case is rock solid.”

 

Sebastian nods, because he does know exactly what Joseph means.  No federal officer should be interested in a low level drug dealer like the one Joseph is describing, unless…

 

“So the dealer left with them?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Joseph replies.  “And apparently when Harvey went to his sergeant to ask what the FBI wanted with this guy, he got the cold shoulder, which is why he called me.”

 

“Shit,” Sebastian breathes, because he can only think of one other entity with that level of influence who might be interested in a low-level drug dealer, and that’s Mobius.  Of course, that’s making the assumption that this guy is basically another Slade, but suddenly that doesn’t sound like such a crazy idea.  “What was the guy’s name?” he asks Joseph.

 

“I could tell you that,” Joseph says, “but I’d like to show Stefano a picture first.”  He turns to Stefano.  “If you’re feeling up to it, of course.”

 

Stefano nods, and Joseph pushes a manila folder across the table toward him.  Stefano takes it and opens it.  His eye briefly scans the picture inside before he nods again.  “His last name is Selby or Selden, I believe,” he says.  “I saw him when he came to Slade’s house once or twice.  He was a VIP of sorts.”  Stefano takes a sip of coffee before he adds, “His tastes are… unusual to say the least.”

 

“His name’s Trevor Selby, and that basically confirms what Banks and I suspected,” Joseph says, and Sebastian nods.  If Selby was an associate of Slade’s and now appears to be above the law, or at least, above the law as enforced by the Cartersville Police Department, it sounds like he’s working with Mobius.

 

“Did you get the address he’s been selling from?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Yes,” Joseph replies, “though if how they handled Calvert Street is any indication, I won’t be surprised if they’re already in the process of emptying it out.  Luckily this whole situation got Harvey’s curiosity going, so he volunteered to keep an eye on the place to see if he can tell what’s going on there.”

 

“Did you tell him anything else?” Sebastian asks.

 

“No,” Joseph says.  “I didn’t want to tip anyone else off just yet.  He knows something fishy is going on, but nothing about Mobius.”

 

“Good,” Sebastian says.  The last thing he wants to do is to put someone else in Mobius’ line of fire.  He’s still suspicious of the weird sort of truce that Mobius seems to be applying to him, Stefano, Banks, and Joseph, and he’s not confident at all that it will hold up for any of them if Mobius realizes they’re still being investigated, even if it appears to be by someone else.  “And I guess now we at least have another general location for Mobius activity.”

 

“Right,” Joseph says, “which means that pretty soon we’re going to have to make a choice about whether we go after them or not.”

 

Sebastian nods, taking another sip of coffee, because he’s not sure at all how he’s going to make that choice.  If he thinks only of himself, it’s an easy decision, because he got into law enforcement to protect people, and people clearly need protection from Mobius.  What brings him up short is Stefano, because if any of them start to actively work against Mobius, all of them are going to be in danger, and no matter what Stefano says, he didn’t choose to be involved with Mobius or Slade, and it seems unfair to expose him to those influences again when he is finally free of them.

 

“Does Cartersville have a high incidence of overdose deaths or missing persons?” Sebastian asks, stalling for time a bit.

 

“Banks is running the numbers on that right now,” Joseph replies.  “It’s a little complicated since there are a couple of different categories of report that could apply here, but I predict we’re going to see a pattern similar to Krimson’s.”

 

That’s a sobering thought for Sebastian, because that’s what made him want to investigate Slade in the first place, and it’s hard to ignore all of the real people who have been affected by Mobius- or who will be affected if Mobius isn’t stopped.

 

“You don’t have to decide right now,” Joseph says, taking the folder back from Stefano.  “I just wanted to let you know that we have an actual lead, and we can probably be ready to move on it in a few days if you want to do this.”

 

“We’ll talk about it,” Sebastian says.  “And I’ll make sure my phone’s on so you don’t have to come looking for me again.”

 

Joseph laughs.  “I certainly hope you will.  I was fairly convinced that you’d been kidnapped after about twelve hours with no response.”

 

“Thanks for looking out for us,” Sebastian says, smiling warmly, because even if Joseph’s appearance at the house was a little alarming, it’s good to know that someone is keeping an eye on them.

 

“No problem,” Joseph replies before directing his attention to Stefano.  “Glad to see you’re feeling better.”

 

“Thank you,” Stefano replies.  “It was nice to see you again as well.”

 

Sebastian walks Joseph to the door and locks it behind him, then returns to the kitchen where Stefano is sipping his coffee and staring into space.

 

“You alright?” he asks.  He isn’t sure how seeing the picture of one of Slade’s associates might affect Stefano, who has probably already had enough excitement this morning.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, lowering his mug to the table.  “It is hard to believe that they are still out there.  Sometimes it all seems like a particularly terrible dream.”

 

“If only,” Sebastian says, placing a hand on his shoulder, because Mobius is all too real.

 

 

 


	48. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian has always known that all people come in shades of grey. For someone working in law enforcement, it’s an inescapable fact. What he hadn’t realized was how much of those shades are determined by the observer. Stefano paints himself as much darker than Sebastian does, maybe even sees himself as irredeemable, but Sebastian has made his choice. It may not even be the right choice, but it’s his.

 

 

Neither Sebastian nor Stefano broaches the topic of resuming any intimate activities after Joseph leaves.  For his part, Sebastian finds that the reappearance of Mobius in his life has effectively killed the mood.  Stefano is quiet, declining Sebastian’s offer of breakfast without actually meeting his eyes.  Sebastian decides not to push the issue and turns his attention to washing their coffee mugs, but when he finishes, he discovers that Stefano is no longer in the kitchen.

 

Sebastian finds him curled up on his side in their bed.  He doesn’t say a word, just heaves a sigh and climbs in behind him, snuggling up to Stefano’s back and wrapping an arm around him.  He can’t blame Stefano for feeling overwhelmed.  Stefano was clearly distressed by Joseph’s arrival, and the news about Mobius is a lot to deal with, and of course Stefano wasn’t in the best health to start with.

 

He presses his face to the back of Stefano’s neck and murmurs, “I’m so sorry, Stefano.”  He tries to formulate something else to say that will make sense here, some way to comfort Stefano or at least acknowledge that he knows what Stefano is going through, except that he doesn’t know what Stefano is going through, so anything he says to that effect would be a lie.  Because he doesn’t know what this experience is like for Stefano, Sebastian has no idea how to reassure him.  He only knows that he desperately wants to do something.  “What can I do to help?” he asks finally.  It sounds terribly inadequate, even to him, but at least it’s something.

 

“Just hold me,” Stefano whispers.

 

Sebastian is tempted to point out that he is already holding Stefano, but that doesn’t seem to be enough right now, so he slips his other arm under Stefano, wrapping both of them around Stefano’s body and pulling him tightly against his chest.  “I’m right here,” he murmurs.  “I’ve got you.”

 

Stefano relaxes back into him, but Sebastian can tell that he’s still awake, can feel his slow deliberate breaths, can even tell when he blinks his eye.  They lie like that for a few more minutes, Sebastian resting his face between Stefano’s neck and shoulder before Stefano speaks again.

 

“Are we going after Mobius?”

 

Sebastian takes a deep breath before he answers.  “I don’t know.  That’s something you and I need to talk about.”

 

Stefano pulls away slightly, and Sebastian reluctantly lets him go.  “There is nothing to talk about,” Stefano says.  “If you direct me to do this, I will obey.”

 

“What do you mean?” Sebastian asks, as he turns over Stefano’s words in his mind, struggles to comprehend why Stefano is speaking about his as though it has already been decided.

 

Stefano rolls over to face him.  His expression is complicated, but Sebastian can detect fatigue, resignation, maybe even regret.  “I can deny you nothing, Sebastian.  You hold the keys to my freedom.”

 

Sebastian isn’t aware of starting to feel angry, but he transitions from confusion to rage in a split second.  He isn’t aware of changing positions, but he is on his hands and knees leaning over Stefano.  He isn’t aware of opening his mouth, but the words are pouring out anyway.

 

“How dare you?” he snarls.  “How can you fucking say that to me again?  After everything we’ve been through?”

 

Stefano’s eye is wide, but Sebastian continues, “You’re not bound to me the way you were bound to Slade, because I’m not like Slade.  I will never be like Slade, and I can’t believe you would ever compare me to that…that…” Sebastian can think of a lot of words that could be used to describe Slade, but none of them feels strong enough for this particular situation, so he moves on.

 

“I don’t hold the keys to your freedom- you do, and until you decide to stop punishing yourself for this, you’re never going to be free.”  He says the words without thinking, but even as he speaks them, he knows he’s right.  He knows that no matter how much Stefano may insist otherwise, it was never about going to prison.  Stefano won’t stop letting others control him, won’t stop letting others inflict pain and suffering and humiliation on him, until he believes he has atoned for Emily’s death, and Sebastian isn’t sure he’s ever going to reach that point.

 

He takes a deep breath, because he is beyond frustrated with Stefano for his insistence on punishing himself, and he is furious with Slade and Riker and the others who took advantage of that facet of Stefano’s personality.  Stefano has gone completely still underneath him.  Sebastian can only imagine how many times he’s been shouted at, struck, made to feel worthless, and he doesn’t want this to be one of those times.

 

He shifts his weight onto one hand, bringing the other to Stefano’s cheek.  Stefano flinches away at first, but Sebastian steadies his hand and waits, and when he finally lets his fingers brush Stefano’s face, his touch is gentle.  “There has to be an end,” he says, much more quietly this time.  “You’ve suffered so much for her already.  There has to be an end to this.”

 

Stefano shivers under him, and there is wetness on his fingertips, and he can’t tell where it’s coming from, because he is crying and Stefano is crying, and then Stefano is lunging for him, tugging him down to the bed, and they are struggling, each determined to embrace the other.  Sebastian isn’t entirely sure what’s happening.  He only knows that he _loves_ Stefano and it _hurts_ to see him in pain, and he is desperately trying to somehow convey that to Stefano using his body.

 

He finally manages to lock his arms around Stefano, pulling him against his chest, and Stefano goes still in his arms.  Sebastian can’t tell whether the sobbing in his ears is his own or Stefano’s, but his face is buried in Stefano’s neck and Stefano’s face is buried in his.  He can feel Stefano calming down, little by little, and the energy passing between them spirals slowly downward so that he is feeling calmer as well.

 

He can’t separate himself from Stefano at the moment, but he can feel their heartrates slowing, their breathing returning to normal, their sobs becoming quieter until they stop completely and they are just exhaling softly against each other’s skin.

 

“I’m sorry, Stefano,” he whispers, because he’s already worrying that he’s overstepped his bounds, that he’s tried to get too far inside of Stefano’s head.  He should have just told him to go see a shrink, like Joseph suggested, because whatever is going on with Stefano is probably much better handled by a professional.

 

“No,” Stefano says, his voice shaking.  He leans back a little and Sebastian loosens his grip so that Stefano can make eye contact with him.  Stefano’s gaze is surprisingly steady, and Sebastian can almost feel it boring into him.  “Do you truly believe that one can ever suffer enough to atone for something like this… for…the taking of a life?”

 

“Yes,” Sebastian answers without thinking.  A month ago, his answer probably would have been different, but that was before he met Stefano, before he learned just how much of themselves someone might give up to atone for a past misdeed.

 

Sebastian has always known that all people come in shades of grey.  For someone working in law enforcement, it’s an inescapable fact.  What he hadn’t realized was how much of those shades are determined by the observer.  Stefano paints himself as much darker than Sebastian does, maybe even sees himself as irredeemable, but Sebastian has made his choice.  It may not even be the right choice, but it’s his.

 

He brings his hand to Stefano’s face again, thumb brushing his cheek.  Stefano doesn’t flinch this time.  “She’s gone,” Sebastian says.  Stefano swallows hard, but Sebastian continues.  “And nothing can bring her back.”

 

Stefano’s gaze drops, but Sebastian presses.  “Look at me, Stefano.”  He waits for Stefano to meet his eyes again, then continues, “Nothing you do to yourself, nothing you let anyone else do to you, none of it is going to change anything.  You’ve suffered enough.  You’ve punished yourself enough, and now you have to decide how you’re going to live the rest of your life.”

 

Stefano’s mouth twists in confusion, so Sebastian elaborates.  “You need to decide whether you’re going to let that one action define you, whether it’s going to control you forever, or whether there’s more to you than that.”  He sighs.  “You already know what I think.  I’ve seen a lot more in you, but what matters is what you see.”

 

Stefano appears to be considering for a moment before he replies.  “I do not know.  Each of us sees the world through our own lens, and I think that perhaps our perceptions of ourselves are the most skewed of all, in one way or another.  I do not know if I will ever see what you see when you look at me, but I will keep trying.”

 

Sebastian smiles and leans over to kiss his forehead.  “That’s all you can do,” he murmurs.  “That’s all any of us can do.”  Then Stefano is pressing close again, and Sebastian’s heart is flooded with warmth and love, and he is on the verge of expressing that to Stefano when he realizes that Stefano is going to think he’s insane since they’ve only known each other for a few weeks.  Frankly, Sebastian also thinks it’s a little insane, not just because of the time frame, but because he’s never had these kind of feelings for a man before.  It seems there’s a first time for everything, and it seems that Stefano is going to be his first in so many ways.

 

Sebastian learned long ago, with Myra, in fact, that he can’t control his feelings, but he can stop himself from blurting them out at inconvenient moments, so he holds the feeling inside him and holds Stefano close, pressing kisses to his hair and his shoulder and anything else he can reach.  When he finishes, Stefano’s shoulders are shaking in silent laughter, because apparently he’s not as good at subduing his feelings as he wants to be.  But then Stefano gives him an affectionate squeeze, and he is laughing too.

 

“We should get out of the house,” Sebastian says, once he can speak without laughing.  “I think we’re going a little crazy being cooped up in here.”

 

“Very well,” Stefano agrees.

 

“Really?” Sebastian asks, pulling back to look into Stefano’s face.  “I thought you were going to fight me on that.”

 

“A distraction would be welcome at the moment,” Stefano replies.  “What did you have in mind?”

 

“Well, I know I’ve said this before, but I think you need some clothes that are more your style,” Sebastian offers.  “We don’t have to go somewhere in Krimson,” he adds quickly, because he isn’t sure whether Stefano’s hesitation about leaving the house is related to the fear of running into someone he knows or some other reason.  “And I’m pretty sure I promised to take you out to dinner.”

 

“Ah,” Stefano says.  “A man of your word, I see.”

 

“I would hope so,” Sebastian says with a laugh, because of course this is less about the promise he made and more about getting to take Stefano on a date.  “And until we find you something more appropriate, I think I’ve got a pair of jeans that will fit you.”

 

As it turns out, Sebastian’s jeans do fit Stefano at least well enough for a brief outing, and in another fifteen or twenty minutes Stefano is ready and they are getting into the jeep.  It’s a nice day, and Sebastian almost suggests taking the top off before he remembers how little Stefano seemed to appreciate the wind in his hair the last time they took a drive together.

 

Sebastian heads to a shopping district a couple of towns over, and fortunately Stefano takes the lead from there, because Sebastian is clearly out of his depth.  His own clothes are generally chosen with comfort in mind, and while he does keep a few suits for court appearances, the majority of his wardrobe is casual.  Stefano, on the other hand, actually has an appreciation for clothing, and in no time he is directing Sebastian into a store.

 

It’s refreshing to see Stefano taking an interest in something, which has been a rare sight since they escaped from STEM, but he quickly becomes totally absorbed in the racks of clothes.  Sebastian follows along, smiling to himself at Stefano’s enthusiasm.

 

Sebastian can see the exact moment when Stefano remembers that Slade has taken all of his worldly possessions from him.  He is admiring the material of a suit jacket when his face gets very serious for a moment.  He starts to turn to Sebastian, a look of resignation in his eye, but Sebastian heads it off.

 

“I’ve got this,” he says with a dismissive wave of his hand.  “I think I owe you at least a couple of suits for getting me out of STEM alive.”

 

Stefano looks like he might be going to argue, but instead he gives Sebastian a half-smile.  “I suppose we would both still be part of Mobius’ experiment if we didn’t have each other.”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian says with a shiver.  He doesn’t like to think about what it would be like to still be lost in STEM, whether his consciousness would persist even if his physical body had died or been taken over by Ruvik, whether he would have been trapped there forever…

 

“Sebastian.”  Stefano pats him on the arm.  “I am sorry.  Please do not think of that anymore.”

 

“Right,” Sebastian says with a shake of his head.  There’s no sense in worrying about what could have happened when they still have plenty of real problems to deal with.

 

Stefano goes back to browsing clothes, and Sebastian follows, occasionally offering a comment or opinion if Stefano requests it, but for the most part Stefano seems to have everything under control.  He picks out a few suits and shirts and accessories, and Sebastian can tell that he’s starting to feel more like himself when he insists on wearing one of them out of the store.

 

As much as Sebastian has enjoyed seeing Stefano wearing his T-shirts and sweatpants over the past few days, he has to admit that Stefano is a completely different man when he is dressed in his own style.  Everything about him changes, from the way he holds himself to the way he walks.  Sebastian can’t help but smile, because this is the man he met while he was working the sting operation, the man who was his partner while he investigated Slade, and the man who helped him escape STEM.  Of course it also doesn’t hurt that Stefano is strikingly handsome when he’s dressed up.

 

Stefano holds open the door of the shop for him with a sweeping gesture, which is just as well because Sebastian is carrying all of the shopping bags.

 

“Any thoughts on dinner?” Sebastian asks as they walk back to the jeep.

 

“Yes, actually,” Stefano replies smoothly.  “We passed an Italian restaurant on the way in.”

 

“Oh?” Sebastian says, stopping in his tracks to look at Stefano.  For some reason it strikes him as odd that Stefano would want to eat Italian food here when he must have had exposure to the real thing in his hometown.  “That’s fine if it’s what you want, but I have to tell you that I don’t think it’s going to live up to your standards.”

 

Stefano gives him a thin smile.  “It is less about standards and more about… nostalgia, I suppose.”  He begins to walk again, and Sebastian follows.  They reach the car, and Sebastian sets the shopping bags in the backseat before he and Stefano climb into the front.  Sebastian doesn’t start the engine yet, but turns to look at Stefano.  “Are you homesick?” he asks.  He is motivated by curiosity, but apparently Stefano doesn’t take it that way.

 

“No,” he snaps.  “Forget it.  Forget I said anything.”  He stares straight ahead through the windshield, refusing to meet Sebastian’s eyes.

 

“Hey, I’m sorry,” Sebastian says.  When Stefano doesn’t respond, he tries again.  “I really am.  I just thought it was strange because when you talked about Florence before, it didn’t sound like you were very happy there.”

 

There is long pause before Stefano replies, and the tone of his voice is flat, emotionless.  “I may not have been happy there, but I was safe.”

 

“Stefano,” Sebastian says, reaching across the console to place his hand on Stefano’s knee.  “I’m sorry.  And you’re safe with me.  You don’t have to believe me right now, but I’ll keep telling you until you do.  You’re safe here.”

 

Stefano places his hand over Sebastian’s, heaving a sigh.  “I know,” he says.  “I believe you, and I am sorry as well.  It has been a rather emotional day.”

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian agrees, “but I bet some food would help.”  His own stomach is already growling, and since Stefano didn’t eat breakfast either, he must be hungry by now.

 

Stefano turns to meet his gaze with a tired-looking smile.  “Yes, I suppose it would.”

 

Sebastian reluctantly removes his hand from under Stefano’s and starts the engine, but as soon as they are back on the main road, his right hand drifts back over the console to find Stefano’s.  Their fingers interlace, and Sebastian doesn’t want to take his eyes off the road for too long, but he can see a hint of a blush on Stefano’s cheek.

 

 

 

 

The Italian restaurant is nice, but not so fancy that Sebastian stands out too much in his jeans and T-shirt.  He is genuinely curious to hear Stefano’s opinion of the food, which Stefano declares is ‘passable’.  Despite a less than glowing review, Stefano cleans his plate, and he seems to be quite a bit calmer after eating, so maybe there is something to be said for the power of nostalgia after all.

 

The conversation so far has been light, but when the waiter has cleared away their plates and brought them coffee, Stefano sits back and rests his folded hands on the table.  The deep breath he takes cues Sebastian that they are about to proceed to more serious topics before he even begins to speak.

 

“So, where do you stand on investigating Mobius?” Stefano asks, and even though Sebastian was expecting some variation of this question, he has to take a moment to collect his thoughts before he responds.  The answer is clear, but there are so many potential complications.  Stefano must anticipate some of these, because he adds, “Thinking only of yourself, I mean.  What would your choice be?”

 

“I would do it,” Sebastian says.  “I joined the police force to protect people, and Mobius is the single biggest threat out there right now.  I think it would feel sort of empty to go back to my regular job catching small time criminals knowing the whole time that there was a huge illegal operation going on behind the scenes.”

 

He sighs, because his other considerations are not quite so noble, but he still needs to get them out on the table.  “And for me, it’s personal,” he says.  “I don’t know what role Myra is playing in all of this or why she set me up to be part of Mobius’ experiment, but she’s obviously in deep, and I just… I just have to know why.  I have to understand.”  He rakes a hand through his hair.  “Lily’s death tore us apart, but I thought we were stronger than that…”

 

He and Myra were stronger than that.  He’s sure of it, and it makes no sense that she would abandon him and join up with an entity like Mobius without some reason, but Sebastian can’t imagine what that reason would be.  He realizes he has been staring silently at the tablecloth for several seconds and tries to cover by raising his coffee cup to his lips.  The taste is rich and slightly bitter- the way that he normally likes his coffee- but it brings him little satisfaction.

 

“Do you wish to be with her again?” Stefano asks, casting a critical eye over Sebastian.

 

“No,” Sebastian says, feeling a little stupid for failing to consider the multiple reasons why talking about Myra might be unsettling for Stefano.  “For one thing, she made it clear in her letter that she doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore, and for another, I don’t think I could ever trust her again, not after what she did.”

 

Stefano raises an eyebrow.  “You recall that I was also party to this, do you not?”

 

“Well, yes,” Sebastian fumbles, “but you weren’t fully informed.  And you were under duress.”

 

“And can we be sure that Myra was not in a similar situation?” Stefano asks.

 

“No.”  Sebastian lets his breath out in a huff.  “I don’t know, and I never will if we don’t keep going after Mobius.”

 

Stefano nods and sips his coffee.

 

“But it’s not just up to me,” Sebastian adds.  “I can’t think only of myself here, because if any one of us acts on this, we’re all in danger.  Either we’re all in, or none of us is.”

 

“That may well be the case,” Stefano says, “but perhaps that is what Mobius is counting on.  There are disadvantages to being- how was it that you described yourself to me on the night we met?- a decent person?”

 

Sebastian smiles, because of course he remembers that night.  “I also told you I was straight,” he points out.

 

Stefano laughs, but it brings Sebastian to something else that’s been bothering him for a little while.  He lets his smile falter for a moment and looks into Stefano’s face.  “I’m not sure what I am right now,” he says.  “Is that going to be a problem?”

 

“Not at all,” Stefano says, reaching across the table to take Sebastian’s hand in his.  “There is no need to put a label on yourself- now or ever- if you do not wish to, as long as you are happy.”

 

Sebastian raises Stefano’s hand to his mouth and kisses the back of it.  “I’m very happy,” he says, because the last few days and even the weeks before with Stefano have brought back so many feelings that he hasn’t experienced, or hasn’t allowed himself to experience, in years, and happiness is definitely one of them.

 

He looks up to see that Stefano is blushing, and that makes his own face start to feel warm.  He wants to capture this moment, where they are two lovers whose biggest concern is some semi-public display of affection, and stay in it, away from the real world where they have much bigger problems to deal with.  But of course the moment passes, and he releases Stefano’s hand, because the next question he has to ask is very serious.

 

“What about you?” he says.  “How do you feel about the Mobius situation?”

 

“Well,” Stefano begins with an indulgent smile, “I am afraid I do not suffer from the same need to protect others that you and your colleagues have, but what Mobius has done offends me for a different reason.”

 

He pauses, and Sebastian waits to give him time to collect his thoughts.  “Do you remember what I said earlier today?  About how we each see the world through our own lens?” Stefano says finally.

 

“Yes,” Sebastian replies, because that is a conversation he won’t soon forget.

 

“Mobius has damaged mine, has altered it, so that I no longer see the world the way I used to.”  Stefano’s eye is unfocused, and he is looking past Sebastian as he continues, “In Florence, I could see the beauty in the world around me, the beauty that inspired my art, and even though others did not see it the same way, my vision was clear.  Even in Krimson, even with Emily, there was beauty, but Slade and Mobius brought an end to all of that.”

 

Stefano’s fingers drum on the table as he says, “I do not know if it was the drugs or the manipulation or the experiments, but something changed when I came to work for Slade- not all at once, but over time.  My artistic vision began to blur, to fade away, until it was almost gone.”

 

His eye focuses back on Sebastian, and the look on his face is so lost, so helpless, that Sebastian reaches for his hand again, taking it in both of his.  He wants desperately to reassure him, to tell him that of course his artistic vision was compromised, that anyone in that situation, anyone who had to be primarily concerned with their own survival, would have experienced something similar, but this is Stefano, and he doesn’t think that a psychological explanation is going to help.

 

Instead, he simply says, “I’m so sorry, Stefano.  Do you think it might come back?”  He feels a little silly phrasing it that way, but he really isn’t sure how to characterize artistic vision any better than that.

 

“Perhaps,” Stefano replies thoughtfully.  “Inspiration is fickle at the best of times, but I have never believed in simply lying about waiting for it to strike.”  Sebastian is completely lost now, but he nods anyway, and Stefano continues, his voice gaining conviction, “As you said earlier, nothing will change unless I take control back, unless I exert my artistic influence, unless I shape the world again, and where better to start than with the men who took that from me in the first place?”

 

There is a gleam in Stefano’s eye as he finishes, and for a fleeting moment, Sebastian catches a glimpse of the man he knew from STEM, the man who wielded his camera with the same lethal precision as his knife, and also quite possibly the man who went too far during that fateful photo session with Emily Lewis.  He isn’t afraid though.  If he’s learned anything from investigating Mobius, from his time in STEM, from the pleasure he felt as Ruvik’s hand- no, _his_ hand- plunged into Riker’s chest, it’s that there is some darkness in everyone, and Stefano has every reason to hate Mobius, every reason to want revenge on Mobius.

 

He can feel the energy flowing through Stefano’s hand, can feel the same energy somewhere inside himself, trying to answer it, because he also hates Mobius and he also wants revenge.  In the next moment, Stefano’s face relaxes again, and the tension is broken.  He gives Sebastian’s hand a little squeeze.  “Besides,” he says, “it is personal for me now as well.  I have become rather attached to you, and I would be quite angry if anything happened to you.”

 

Sebastian smiles, because Stefano doesn’t often express those kinds of feelings, and this seems special somehow, like they’re sharing a secret.  “I’m kind of attached to you as well,” he says.  He feels warm again, as though both of them are wearing way too many clothes, and he wants to put his hands on Stefano, wants to show him just how ‘attached’ he is.

 

He nods toward the door.  “Do you want to get out of here?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, and he must be thinking along the same lines, because the look on his face is more than a little suggestive.

 

Sebastian settles the bill, trying his hardest to ignore the way Stefano’s foot is nudging his under the table, which makes it very difficult to calculate the tip properly.  Stefano seems to find his sudden inability to perform basic math very entertaining, and Sebastian is swearing under his breath by the time he finishes.  He stands up so abruptly that several people at nearby tables look at him with concern, but he is already on his way out the door.  He isn’t sure what other tricks Stefano has up his sleeve, but he knows that they need to get somewhere private because his heart is already beating faster, and he is sure his face is red enough to be noticeable.

 

Stefano is as calm as ever on the way back to the car.  “Are you going to tell Joseph and Banks that we are joining the investigation?” he asks.

 

“Tomorrow,” Sebastian says tersely, because Stefano’s composure is infuriating, especially after he has managed to get Sebastian all hot and bothered.  “I’ve got some things I’d like to do to you first.”

 

“Oh, I see,” Stefano purrs, suddenly very close to his ear.  “Lead the way then.”

 

Sebastian is about to shoot back that he’s been trying to do that since Stefano starting giving him those meaningful looks, but by then they are back at the jeep, and Sebastian is mercifully able to focus his attention on driving.  His reprieve lasts for about three minutes, until Stefano’s hand lands on his thigh. 

 

Even this slight contact already has Sebastian breathing harder and fighting to stay focused on the road, and when Stefano’s hand starts to creep higher, the tension becomes almost unbearable.  Sebastian presses his hand on top of Stefano’s.  He tries to put on a stern voice, but even to him it sounds a little strained.  “If you keep doing that, I’m going to have to pull over.”

 

“And would that be so terrible?” Stefano asks.

 

“Well, I was kind of hoping we could at least be in a bed,” Sebastian replies with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

 

“Such a romantic,” Stefano says, and Sebastian doesn’t have to look at him to know that he is rolling his eye.

 

“Hey,” Sebastian says in mock-indignation, “I may not be the most romantic guy, but I do at least want us to be comfortable.”  He pats Stefano’s hand.  “And be able to take our time,” he adds.

 

Stefano turns his hand over so that he can interlace his fingers with Sebastian’s.  “You are undoubtedly the most romantic man I have ever been with,” he says, more seriously this time.  “And I find your bed very comfortable indeed.”

 

 

 


	49. Chapter 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yes,” Stefano murmurs, his hand rubbing up and down Sebastian’s side. “I trust you, but you have to trust me as well.”
> 
> “What do you mean?” Sebastian asks, his hand going still.
> 
> “You have to trust that I know what I want, that I can set my own boundaries,” Stefano says. He gives Sebastian a shy smile. “I know you want to take care of me, but I know what I need.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters 49 and 50 posted, and this story is complete! More notes at the end, but thank you everyone for reading and commenting!

 

 

Stefano manages to keep his hands to himself for the rest of the drive home, but apparently once they arrive he has reached his limit, because he is on Sebastian the second the front door closes behind them.  This is a different Stefano, a Stefano who pushes him back against the door with enough force that a little grunt escapes his lips.  Then Stefano’s mouth is on his, warm and wet and needy, and Sebastian drops the shopping bags and the keys so that he can take Stefano in his arms and focus his attention on kissing back.

 

Even though Stefano’s kissing technique has improved significantly in the time Sebastian has known him, his eagerness makes him a little reckless this time, but Sebastian is so enthralled with him that it doesn’t matter.  Every press of Stefano’s tongue into his mouth is intoxicating, and every careless nip or brush of teeth just excites Sebastian even more, until Stefano actually does bite down on his lower lip on purpose, and Sebastian groans deep in his throat and pulls Stefano hard against him.

 

Stefano arches his back and presses against Sebastian, making a noise that is almost a growl.  His hands move from Sebastian’s shoulders down to his waist, and then one of them is moving even lower, reaching between Sebastian’s legs to fondle him through his pants.  Sebastian gasps, pulling back from Stefano’s mouth to rest his forehead on Stefano’s shoulder, because there is something so new and raw and perfectly intimate about the way Stefano is touching him.

 

Stefano’s hand is so sure, so confident as he gropes and squeezes and massages, and Sebastian’s breath is harsh now, ragged.  His hips are moving, seeking Stefano’s hand, pushing into each stroke, and there is no way that such a simple touch should feel this good.  He has the sudden urge to ask Stefano where he learned this, if he has done this with other men, but realizes that it doesn’t matter.  Even if they are doing something Stefano has done a hundred times, this is going to be different because Stefano wants to be here.  Stefano is choosing this, and not in whatever backward, self-pacifying way he managed to convince himself that he was choosing to work for Slade.  He wants Sebastian, and Sebastian wants him.

 

Sebastian shudders as Stefano turns his head to press his mouth to Sebastian’s neck.  His lips are soft, and his tongue and teeth soon follow, and Sebastian is dizzy with pleasure, suspended between Stefano’s mouth and his hand.  It feels incredible just to _be_ with someone again, and for a few long moments he doesn’t think or worry or try to analyze any of this.  He simply breathes and feels and enjoys, until he realizes that despite his earlier statement to Stefano, they still haven’t made it to the bed.

 

Unfortunately, the part of his brain that controls speech seems to be caught up in a series of moans and gasps and embarrassing little whines as Stefano’s hand works its magic, and it’s all he can do to force out, “Stefano… bed…” through gritted teeth.

 

Stefano laughs, and Sebastian has no idea how he can be so composed when Sebastian himself feels undone in so many ways already.  “Well,” Stefano says, removing his hand from Sebastian and taking a small step back, “if you are so committed to this ‘bed’ idea, then I suggest we get there at once.”

 

Sebastian has no problem with that plan, and he has already grabbed Stefano’s hand and started for the bedroom when the rational, safety-conscious part of his brain kicks back in, and he spins around to lock the door behind them.  Stefano indulges him without comment, and they walk down the hall to the bedroom together still hand in hand.

 

Once they are in the bedroom Stefano doesn’t miss a beat, and Sebastian barely has time to turn on the bedside lamp before Stefano is pulling him onto the bed.  They end up lying side by side, and Stefano is leaning in to kiss him again.  This one is slow and gentle, and Sebastian fights to keep it that way, even though he is achingly hard from Stefano’s earlier attentions.

 

“Please, Sebastian,” Stefano whispers when their lips finally separate.  “You promised you would… make love to me.”  The words sound like a foreign language coming out of Stefano’s mouth, but Sebastian is overjoyed to hear them.

 

“Yes,” he whispers back, raising a hand to caress Stefano’s face.  “Yes, of course I will, but I’ve got a couple of other things I’d like to do first if that’s alright.”

 

“Yes,” Stefano murmurs, his hand rubbing up and down Sebastian’s side.  “I trust you, but you have to trust me as well.”

 

“What do you mean?” Sebastian asks, his hand going still.

 

“You have to trust that I know what I want, that I can set my own boundaries,” Stefano says.  He gives Sebastian a shy smile.  “I know you want to take care of me, but I know what I need.”

 

Sebastian’s thumb traces Stefano’s cheekbone as he thinks about what Stefano is saying.  He has a point.  Sebastian trusts Stefano in many ways, but he still questions Stefano’s decisions about his own life and his own body, probably because some of Stefano’s past decisions have been terrible.  Of course, no decision that he makes tonight will have such severe consequences- at least, not after the decision to join the investigation into Mobius’ activities.

 

“Alright,” Sebastian says.  “I trust you.”  He takes a deep breath, because he doesn’t want to upset Stefano, but he has to ask a question.  “Can you promise me that you won’t do any acting for my benefit?  I mean, I need to know if you’re enjoying yourself, and sometimes I’m afraid that-”

 

Stefano places a finger to his lips, so that Sebastian stops speaking abruptly.  He doesn’t want to talk about other men now, when they are in bed together, but he needs Stefano to know that he’s not anything like those men, that he genuinely cares about Stefano’s pleasure, and that he would be very hurt to think that Stefano might fall back into his old habits of putting on a performance.

 

“I will not be doing any acting,” Stefano says, his voice measured and his eye boring into Sebastian’s with an intensity that is almost palpable.  “I never had to do any acting with you- not in that way.”  He moves his finger and leans in to press his lips to Sebastian’s for a quick kiss.  “All of that was real.”

 

Sebastian can feel his own mouth turning up into a smile, because even though he’s heard this before, he needs to hear it again.  It all felt real to him as well, but it makes his heart beat faster to know that it was real for Stefano, that Stefano wanted him, that he gave Stefano pleasure even before they reached their current understanding.  He takes Stefano’s waist, pulling him in for another kiss and rolling over so that Stefano is on top of him, so that Stefano’s warm weight is pressing him down into the bed as his tongue teases Sebastian’s.

 

His hand runs up Stefano’s back, under his suit jacket to grab a handful of his dress shirt and tug it out of his pants so that his hand can slip underneath to rest on Stefano’s bare skin.  Stefano shivers and presses harder against him, his kisses becoming more frantic.  Sebastian moans into the kiss, because feeling Stefano react like this is sending little thrills of excitement all through his body.

 

When Stefano breaks the kiss, Sebastian asks something else that’s been on his mind.  “What can I do to make this… different?  I don’t want it to seem like those other times for you.”

 

Stefano nuzzles at his neck.  “It is already going to be different.  Anything that I do with you will be different.”  He pauses, then pulls back to look at Sebastian.  “But to begin with, you could help me undress.  I am accustomed to doing that myself while the clients watched.”

 

“Alright,” Sebastian breathes.  The thought of undressing Stefano is very welcome, and the thought of helping, of doing this together as lovers is even better.  He rolls over again, so that Stefano is lying on his back, and Sebastian is on his side next to him.  Stefano gazes up at him, and the look in his eye conveys so much- affection, trust, anticipation of more pleasurable things- that Sebastian has to pause for a moment to catch his own breath before he reaches for the buttons of Stefano’s jacket.

 

Those buttons are easy enough to undo, even one-handed, and he finishes with them and lays Stefano’s jacket open.  His hand moves to the collar of Stefano’s shirt, but before he starts to work on the buttons, he lets his fingers trace over Stefano’s neck and chest.  Stefano is obviously excited, already breathing hard, and his eye looks a little glazed as he tilts his head to see what Sebastian is doing.

 

“Just relax,” Sebastian murmurs.  “I’ve got you.  You don’t have to do all the work this time.”

 

Stefano laughs, jostling Sebastian’s hand a little, and Sebastian laughs with him, because it makes him feel so warm to see Stefano relaxed and comfortable in the bedroom.  Once they’ve both regained their composure, Sebastian turns his attention back to Stefano’s top button, only to find that his shirt buttons are considerably smaller and harder to manipulate than the ones on his jacket.  He lets out a huff of frustration, which makes Stefano laugh again, and then sits up so that he can use both hands to work on them.

 

To his credit, Stefano lies back and politely lets Sebastian unbutton his shirt, though Sebastian can tell it is taking some effort for him not to comment.  About halfway down, Sebastian’s fingers brush the skin underneath his shirt, and he gasps, arching up into Sebastian’s hand, so Sebastian makes sure to repeat the action on each of the following buttons.  His touch is light and teasing, just enough to make Stefano press up toward him, seeking more contact, and by the time he reaches the last button, Stefano is breathing hard again.

 

Sebastian is finding it a little hard to control his own breathing by this point, and he pushes Stefano’s shirt out of the way so that he can lean over on one elbow and press his mouth to Stefano’s collarbone.  Stefano sighs, and the sound of it is so beautiful that it makes Sebastian shiver.  His other hand trails along Stefano’s ribs, still barely exerting any pressure.  The smell of Stefano’s skin is intoxicating, and before Sebastian knows what he is doing, he is licking his way down lower on Stefano’s chest.

 

Stefano’s breaths are harsh in his ear, and Stefano’s hands are simply resting on his shoulders until Sebastian bites down, and Stefano yelps, hands gripping tightly and hips jerking up off the bed.  “Please,” he whispers, and Sebastian wants to tell Stefano that he doesn’t have to beg, that Sebastian is going to give him exactly what he needs, but his mouth is too busy for talking right now.  He licks and kisses and bites his way down to Stefano’s nipples, paying them some attention with his mouth and his fingers as Stefano writhes under him and clutches his shoulders.

 

He is still sucking at one of them when his hand finds it way farther down Stefano’s body to palm the growing bulge in the front of his pants.  Sebastian is pleased to find that he is already getting hard and even more pleased by the little moans that escape Stefano’s mouth as he continues to rub and lick and suck.

 

Then Stefano’s hands are on his head, and Sebastian pauses in his ministrations and looks up into Stefano’s face.  Stefano is gazing back at him with wonder, seemingly unaware that his hair is a bit askew, and Sebastian feels such a surge of affection for him that he presses a kiss to his chest, then shifts up to place another on his mouth.

 

“You look amazing right now,” he murmurs when the kiss ends, because this relaxed, unguarded version of Stefano touches a very particular nerve with him.  His lust is strong, but his desire to protect Stefano is stronger, and the way that Stefano trusts him, allows himself to be vulnerable to him, almost breaks Sebastian’s heart.  Stefano puts so much faith in him, even when Sebastian has allowed him to be hurt so badly before.

 

But Stefano isn’t hurting now.  Stefano is here with him in his bed, and Sebastian knows that he can make him feel so good, so he dips his head again and turns his attention back to Stefano’s body.  He doesn’t get very far this time before Stefano’s hands are back on his shoulders, this time grasping the material of his T-shirt to pull it over his head.

 

Sebastian raises his arms and lets Stefano remove his shirt, and then Stefano’s hands are on his bare skin, running up and down his back, and it feels just perfect.  Sebastian needs to be closer, needs to hold Stefano the way Stefano is holding him.  He slips his arms under Stefano, inside his open shirt so that he can keep the skin-to-skin contact, and shifts so that he is lying half on top of Stefano, one of his legs between Stefano’s and so much of Stefano’s soft, warm skin against his.

 

Stefano moans and presses his hips up, rubbing his erection against Sebastian’s thigh, and Sebastian lets more of his weight rest on Stefano, puts more pressure on his cock, and lowers his head to nip at Stefano’s neck.

 

“Mmmm,” Stefano hums as Sebastian works his way up his neck to his ear.  “This is nice, but I think I want to be out of these trousers.”

 

“Well,” Sebastian murmurs in his ear.  “I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but I’m not really in a position to deny you anything right now.  He presses a kiss just behind Stefano’s ear.  “Let’s get you out of those trousers then.”

 

It’s hard to pull away from Stefano when their bodies are fitting so perfectly together, but he manages, and he manages to get Stefano’s pants unfastened while Stefano toes off his shoes.  Sebastian helps him back into a standing position next to the bed and slips his pants and underwear off his hips, pulling them down to the floor so that Stefano’s cock is laid bare for him.

 

Stefano accepts the hand he offers for support so that he can finish maneuvering the rest of the way out of his clothes.  When Stefano is finally standing naked before him, Sebastian is overcome with the urge to do something for him, and he takes him by the hips, guiding him closer to the bed and bowing his head until his lips touch the tip of Stefano’s cock.

 

Stefano jumps a little at first, his cock bobbing with the motion, but Sebastian’s hands are firm on his hips, and he settles, placing his hands on Sebastian’s head as Sebastian opens his mouth to take in more of Stefano.  It’s even easier from this angle than it was last night, and Sebastian can use his tongue to full effect, thoroughly massaging the head of Stefano’s cock as Stefano’s hands rake through his hair and Stefano utters little gasps and moans above him.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano breathes, and there is so much wrapped up in that one word that Sebastian wants to give him more, wants to give him everything, and he is sliding his mouth down even farther, taking Stefano’s cock fully inside and hollowing his cheeks to suck him firmly.  Stefano’s hands are fisted tight in his hair, and Stefano is whispering his name again, and Stefano’s hips are pressing forward to meet his mouth.

 

He bobs his head a few times, and he can tell that Stefano is enjoying himself from the rhythmic movements of his hips and the soft, urgent noises he is making.  After just a few strokes though, Stefano is tugging at his hair and speaking his name in a less breathy and more urgent tone.  Sebastian lets Stefano’s cock slip from his mouth and looks up at him.

 

“Your hands, Sebastian,” Stefano says, moving his own hands to cover Sebastian’s, which are resting on his hips.  “I need to feel your hands on me.”

 

“Are you sure?” Sebastian asks, because he knows that this act can be difficult for Stefano, and he doesn’t want to ruin the mood by bringing up unpleasant memories.

 

“Yes,” Stefano says with a gentle smile.  “I know what I want, and I am quite familiar with what your hands can do.”

 

“Alright,” Sebastian murmurs, but before he can move his hands, Stefano’s are at the front of his jeans, working the button and zipper, then urging him to stand so that Stefano can finish undressing him as well.  They’ve been naked together before, but once they are both fully undressed, Sebastian steps forward, wrapping his arms around Stefano, and takes a moment to savor the simple pleasure of having his entire body pressed up against Stefano’s with no clothing in the way.

 

The feeling is incredible, and his hands slip down to Stefano’s ass to pull their bodies tightly together.  Both of them gasp, and Stefano’s cock is pressed up against his, and Sebastian almost does it again before he remembers that he is supposed to be fulfilling Stefano’s request.  He takes a step back, letting his hands shift to Stefano’s waist.

 

“How do you want to do this?” he asks.  “Should we sit down or lie down or…?”  He lets his question trail off, because what he really wants to ask Stefano is what would be comfortable for him, what won’t remind him of Riker’s cruelty, what will allow him to enjoy this the most.

 

“Perhaps like the last time,” Stefano says, and it takes Sebastian a moment to realize that he must be talking about the time Stefano brought himself off in Sebastian’s arms.  He also heartily agrees, because the idea of holding Stefano while they do this, of having so much body contact, sounds perfect.

 

“Okay,” he says, reluctantly letting go of Stefano and stepping over to the bed.  He arranges the pillows against the headboard and then arranges himself in from of them, extending a hand to Stefano.

 

Stefano smiles and takes his hand, climbing onto the bed between Sebastian’s legs, and turning around so that he can lean back against Sebastian’s chest.  Sebastian’s cock has gone soft by this point, but it still feels wonderful to have Stefano’s weight resting against him, and Sebastian wraps his arms around Stefano and pulls him close.

 

Stefano, for his part, is still half-hard, and his hand moves to lazily stroke himself as Sebastian watches from over his shoulder.  It really is enticing to see Stefano pleasuring himself, to hear him breathing harder, to feel the way he subtly shifts his body to press into his own hand.  Sebastian lowers his head to kiss Stefano’s shoulder as his hands begin to move, first up and down Stefano’s sides, then across his chest and down his belly, until one of them comes to rest right at the base of Stefano’s cock.

 

On his next downward stroke, Stefano’s hand covers Sebastian’s, guiding it up to wrap around the base of his cock and then to slide slowly up to the tip.  Stefano sighs in pleasure, and Sebastian lets Stefano’s hand guide him for the next few strokes, gently tugging his foreskin back and forth.

 

Even though Stefano is still hard and seems to be responding to Sebastian’s hand, Sebastian can feel the tension in his back muscles, and he wonders if something is wrong, if Stefano is too sensitive for this right now.  Stefano’s skin is so soft in his hand, and Sebastian knows that his own palm is more than a little callused.

 

“Do you think some lube would help?” he asks Stefano.

 

“Hmmm?” Stefano hums, and the way he seems to snap back to reality confirms Sebastian’s suspicion that he’s having to work at it to stay aroused.

 

“Would lube help?” Sebastian repeats.  “Sometimes this feels better if things are a little slick.”  He knows from his own experience that some friction can be pleasurable, but he is afraid that too much might call to mind the times that this was painful for Stefano.

 

“Alright,” Stefano says, and Sebastian leans over to grab the lube from the bedside table.  He pours a little into his hand, rubs his palms together to warm it up, and then carefully wraps his hand around Stefano’s cock again.  Stefano’s hand comes to rest on his, but the next stroke is smooth and effortless, and Stefano lets out a long sigh.

 

Sebastian continues, just slowly sliding his hand up and down until Stefano’s hand leaves his, and he is completely on his own.  “Doing okay?” he asks.

 

“Yes,” Stefano says, letting his head fall back against Sebastian’s shoulder.  “This is very nice.”

 

“Good,” Sebastian murmurs, “but I think I can do better.”

 

Stefano smiles and turns to press his lips to Sebastian’s, and Sebastian slides his other hand down farther between Stefano’s legs to cradle his balls.  Stefano jumps a little at the first touch of his fingers, but Sebastian just cups them in his hand until Stefano settles.  “Not going to hurt you,” he says, because even though they both know that, he feels like he can’t say it often enough.  “Just going to make you feel good.”

 

Stefano nods and spreads his legs apart, draping them over Sebastian’s so that Sebastian has complete access to his body, and Sebastian lets the hand on Stefano’s cock start to move again.  He’s brave enough to increase the pressure a little this time, squeezing just enough that Stefano gasps and thrusts his hips up into Sebastian’s hand. 

 

Sebastian’s other hand begins a gentle massage of Stefano’s balls, and the way that Stefano is starting to move with him, the way that Stefano’s breath catches with every little movement of his hands, is making his own cock start to respond, trapped as it is between their bodies.

 

Those moans and gasps and thrusts are giving Sebastian the confidence to push a little farther, and soon his hand is moving faster, Stefano’s cock still sliding easily against his palm.  “Sebastian,” Stefano breathes as his hips press up into Sebastian’s hand again.

 

“That’s right,” Sebastian whispers.  “Just relax and enjoy.”

 

Stefano is starting to squirm harder against him, and Stefano’s hands are scrabbling for something to hold on to.  They end up fisted in the sheets on either side of them, and Stefano is digging is heels into the bed, pressing up into Sebastian’s hand on every stroke.

 

“Sebastian…”  Stefano chokes out.  “… I’m going to…”

 

“That’s alright,” Sebastian murmurs.  “You can come whenever you’re ready.  Just tell me what you need.”

 

“Don’t stop,” gasps Stefano, arching up into Sebastian’s hand again, and Sebastian doesn’t stop.  He pumps Stefano’s cock and massages Stefano’s balls and bites down on the juncture of Stefano’s neck and shoulder, and in a few more strokes, Stefano is thrusting up one more time and sobbing out something that sounds like Sebastian’s name, every muscle in his body tensing as his release spills across Sebastian’s hand and onto his chest.

 

Stefano slumps back against him, breathing hard.  Sebastian’s hand is moving slower now, and his touch is much gentler, but he doesn’t stop entirely, because he knows this is when Stefano is likely to start second-guessing everything, and he wants him to feel cared for and attended to and loved.  His lips work their way lazily up the side of Stefano’s neck as his hands finally still, just holding Stefano now, waiting as Stefano’s breathing gradually returns to normal and Stefano’s hands release the bedsheets to cover Sebastian’s hands.

 

“Sebastian,” he breathes, turning his head slightly, though he can’t quite make eye contact at this angle.  “That was…”  He pauses for a moment before he says, “…Thank you.”  He raises Sebastian’s hands to his mouth, kissing each one in turn before he turns his attention to the fingers of Sebastian’s right hand.  Sebastian groans aloud when Stefano draws his index finger into his mouth, because the warm, wet suction hits him all at once and it’s like a jolt of electricity straight to his cock.  Stefano might as well be sucking him off, the way that he uses his lips and tongue to clean all traces of cum from his finger.

 

He repeats the process until Sebastian’s hand has been licked clean.  Sebastian’s other hand is clutching Stefano’s, and Sebastian is a trembling mess, every nerve desperate for more of Stefano, for his hands or his mouth of any part of himself that he is willing to share with Sebastian.

 

“God, Stefano,” gasps Sebastian.  “What are you trying to do to me?”

 

“I am trying to ask you to make love to me, as you call it,” Stefano answers, sounding much more composed than he has any right to be under the circumstances.

 

Those words bring Sebastian back to himself, even though he is already getting hard against Stefano’s lower back, even though he needs to feel so much more of Stefano.  Those words remind him of what is really at stake here, what is really important.

 

He presses his lips to Stefano’s neck.  “Of course,” he murmurs.  “Of course, I will.  But first, how are you feeling?  Was all of that okay?”

 

Stefano chuckles, sitting up and turning around so that he is on his hands and knees, then shifting forward so that his hands are on the bed on either side of Sebastian’s waist.  “That was quite a bit more than ‘okay’,” he replies.  “You are exceptional, Sebastian… your voice… your hands…”

 

One of those hands comes up to tenderly brush Stefano’s hair back from his face.  Sebastian wants to tell Stefano that he is the one who is exceptional.  He is the one who survived years of abuse, who fought his own demons to help both of them escape STEM, and who is now able to give himself so freely to Sebastian, but before he can speak, Stefano leans forward and kisses him, and all Sebastian can think about is kissing back.

 

He draws Stefano’s tongue into his mouth as his hands move to Stefano’s waist and urge Stefano forward, until Stefano has to break the kiss so that he can straddle Sebastian’s lap.  Sebastian wraps his arms around him and presses a wet, open-mouthed kiss to his neck before he starts to make his way down Stefano’s chest, licking him clean of all traces of their earlier activities.  Sebastian still isn’t entirely used to the taste, but the first moan that escapes Stefano when Sebastian’s tongue sweeps across his warm skin excites Sebastian, sets off a flutter of pleasure low in his belly, and he wants to hear Stefano make more of those noises.

 

By the time he is finished, Stefano’s arms are around his neck and he is arching into every touch of Sebastian’s mouth.  Sebastian presses one more kiss to the center of his chest, then leans up to kiss his neck and his jawline, and Stefano settles into his lap so that Sebastian can claim his mouth again.  He is quickly getting lost in the little movements of Stefano’s hips and the little flicks of Stefano’s tongue until Stefano pulls back, resting his forehead against Sebastian’s.

 

“I believe you wanted to help me prepare?” he says, a cloud of uncertainty passing over his face.

 

“Yes,” Sebastian replies once he realizes what Stefano is talking about.  “Yes, I do.”  He pauses for a moment to collect his thoughts.  “Is this the best position for that?” he asks, because every other time he’s seen this done involved some form of force or restraint, so he has no idea what might make this better for Stefano.  “I mean, what would be the most comfortable for you?”  He’s fumbling with his words a little bit, because they are definitely outside of his experience now, and he wants so badly to get this right.

 

Stefano kisses him softly on the cheek before he says, “No need to worry.  I will tell you everything you need to know.”  He shifts out of Sebastian’s lap, stretching out on the bed next to him.  “And I will be very comfortable like this.”

 

 

 


	50. Chapter 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian pulls back quickly then, propping himself up on his arms enough that he can see Stefano’s face, can see his eye shining with unshed tears, and he is opening his mouth to ask what’s wrong and whether they should stop when Stefano speaks.
> 
> “This…” he chokes out, and Sebastian brings a hand to his face, cradling Stefano’s cheek in his palm. Stefano turns his face into Sebastian’s hand as he continues. “This is what I have been missing… what Riker told me I could never have.” He turns his head again to look up at Sebastian. “He was so wrong…” Stefano smiles through his tears.
> 
> “He was wrong about everything,” Sebastian says, leaning down to capture Stefano’s lips again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters 49 and 50 posted, and this story is complete! More notes at the end, but thank you everyone for reading and commenting!

 

 

“Okay,” Sebastian says, swallowing hard.  He feels around on the bed next to him, finding the lube before he turns to face Stefano.

 

Stefano is lying on his back with his head on the pillow, looking as though he’s done this a thousand times.  He probably has done this a thousand times.  Sebastian tries his best to banish that thought, because this time isn’t going to be anything like any of the other ones.  Stefano is here because he wants to be with Sebastian, wants Sebastian to touch him, wants Sebastian inside his body, and Sebastian has to remember that, because otherwise there is no way he’s going to be able to do this.

 

His indecision must show on his face, because Stefano turns to him with a very kind smile and reaches out his hand.  “Everything is alright,” he says as Sebastian takes it.  “I am always a little on edge when I do this without the drugs, but it will pass.”

 

Sebastian hesitates, because the drugs are a factor he hadn’t remembered until now.  Stefano has said before that the drugs are what allowed him to relax enough to perform his ‘duties’ while he was working for Slade, but the last time they did this- the time in the motel- Stefano was sober.  Of course, Stefano was also injured and probably in a lot of pain anyway, so Sebastian puts that out of his mind.

 

He gives Stefano’s hand a little squeeze.  “What can I do to help you relax?” he asks.

 

“You’ve done so much already,” Stefano replies, but Sebastian is still waiting for an answer.  “Just touch me,” Stefano says.  “Talk to me.”

 

“Alright,” Sebastian says.  He sets the lube down beside them on the sheets and moves to lie next to Stefano, bringing a hand to his hip.  He rubs his thumb in slow circles before his hand starts to move up and down Stefano’s body.  He is at a bit of a loss for words, so he asks, “What do you want to talk about?”

 

“That is not important,” Stefano replies with a sigh, letting his eyelid drift shut.  “Just the sound of your voice… knowing I am with you… knowing…”  His words trail off, but it’s not hard to guess what he is thinking.  Undoubtedly part of what is important to Stefano is knowing that he’s not with Riker or Slade or one of the hundreds of men who used his body for their own pleasure.

 

“Of course you’re with me,” Sebastian murmurs as his hand continues to rub up and down Stefano’s chest and belly.  “I’ve got you, and we’re only going to do the things that feel good to you.”  His hand slips down farther to rub Stefano’s thighs, which part obligingly for him.  “You deserve comfort and pleasure, and I’m going to make sure you get it.”  His hand slides back up the inside of Stefano’s thigh, brushing against his cock, which twitches under his fingers.

 

Stefano reaches down to cup his cock and balls in his hands and lift them up out of the way so that Sebastian can stroke him even farther back.  His fingers graze over Stefano’s opening, and Stefano makes a soft sound, almost a whimper, and draws his legs up, exposing himself even more to Sebastian.  Unfortunately, Sebastian can’t actually see what he’s doing from this angle, and this seems like a good time to be able to see.

 

“Is it alright if I move to where I can see what I’m doing?” he asks.  He might have been afraid to look at this part of Stefano’s body after seeing some of the things Riker did to him.  The images of sexual assault victims come unbidden to his mind, and he cringes to think of how Stefano might have been torn and bruised and hurt.  But he’s come through all of it, and he’s had plenty of time to heal, and surely it must be okay to look now.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  “You can be wherever you like as long as you do not stop touching me.”

 

“Don’t worry,” Sebastian says with a smile.  “I’m not going to stop touching you.”

 

He sits up and moves in between Stefano’s legs, lifting him effortlessly and maneuvering him halfway into his lap.  It gives him a great view of Stefano’s body, but it looks like it may be a little hard on Stefano’s back.  “Is this comfortable for you?” he asks, doubtful that anyone would be comfortable in this position.

 

“Just a moment,” Stefano says.  He reaches over and grabs another pillow, then tucks it under the small of his back, so that he’s fully supported by the pillow and by Sebastian.  “There, much better,” he says.

 

He gathers up his cock and balls again, holding them so that Sebastian has an unobstructed view of the rest of him, and Sebastian runs his hands up and down the inside of Stefano’s thighs, which are splayed open around him.  He brings his thumb to Stefano’s opening, making small circles on the skin there, which is soft and pink and, as far as Sebastian can tell, undamaged.

 

Stefano sighs and moves one of his hands to rest next to his head on the pillow, the other still covering himself.  Sebastian reaches for the lube, because even if Stefano is fully healed, this is a sensitive area, and one where Riker has caused a lot of pain, and Sebastian doesn’t want to even take the chance of bringing any of that to Stefano’s mind.

 

Once his fingers are slicked and ready, he brings them back to Stefano’s opening, still making lazy circles around the outside with no intention of penetrating at this point.  Now that he actually gets a good look, he can’t imagine this place accommodating something the size of his cock, much less some of the things he has seen Riker force into Stefano.  He shivers at the memory, keeping his touch soft and gentle and undemanding.  He is focused on his task, entirely absorbed until he hears Stefano let out a little huff.  When he glances up at him, Stefano looks like he is either rather frustrated or holding back laughter, or possibly both.

 

“You are so considerate, Sebastian,” Stefano tells him.  “But I am afraid I will die of anticipation if you make me wait any longer.”

 

“What should I-?” Sebastian begins, but Stefano continues.

 

“Just use a little more pressure with one of your fingers,” Stefano explains.  Sebastian opens his mouth to protest, but Stefano cuts him off.  “You will not hurt me,” he says, and the conviction in his voice tells Sebastian that he really believes it. 

 

Sebastian swallows hard and nods, adding a little more lube to his fingers for good measure before he lets one of them press a little harder against Stefano’s opening, making smaller, more focused circles until the tip of it slips inside Stefano’s body.  He can feel Stefano all around him, his muscles squeezing his finger, but the movement is slick and easy, and the sigh Stefano emits as his eye drifts closed sounds more like relief than pain.

 

Sebastian’s other hand wraps around Stefano’s hip to hold him steady as he presses forward a little more with his finger, letting Stefano’s body guide him, draw him in farther, the lube making everything nice and slippery, until his finger is fully sheathed.  He probes carefully, rubbing Stefano on the inside with the same tenderness he uses anytime he touches him, and Stefano sighs again and pushes his hips down onto Sebastian’s hand.

 

“Am I doing this right?” Sebastian asks, realizing as soon as he says it that it’s kind of a stupid question.

 

“Yes,” Stefano breathes.  His eye is closed, and his voice is taking on a dreamy quality.  “Slade’s men might only spend a few seconds doing this to make sure that the lubricant was applied properly, or they might use a few more fingers so that a larger object would be less likely to cause injury.”

 

Sebastian doesn’t want to think about Slade’s men or the perfunctory nature of any preparation they gave Stefano, and he certainly doesn’t want to think about Stefano being penetrated by any larger objects.  “But does it feel good?” he asks, giving Stefano’s hip a little squeeze with his other hand as his finger maps out the inside of Stefano’s body.

 

“It always feels a little strange at first,” Stefano says, “but it will feel better soon.  I simply need time to adjust.”

 

“Of course,” Sebastian murmurs, releasing Stefano’s hip and moving his hand so that he can rub his lower belly.  With his other hand, he slowly draws his finger out before pressing back in again.

 

“So thoughtful,” Stefano murmurs, opening his eye and looking at Sebastian with a slight smile.  “I know I said not to be too rough, but you do not need to be quite as careful as that.  I will not break.”

 

“I know you won’t,” Sebastian says, keeping his movements slow and gentle.  “But I’d rather be careful, at least for now.  Is there somewhere in particular that I should be focusing on?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, as Sebastian’s finger slips almost all the way out of him.  “Go in a just a couple of inches,” he instructs, and Sebastian slides his finger in again, stopping after just a few inches.

 

Stefano brings his own hand to the base of his cock, pressing down on his belly just above it.  “Now push up toward my hand,” he tells Sebastian.

 

Sebastian does, and he can feel something against his finger, but more importantly, Stefano is drawing his breath in quickly, voice suddenly tight as he gasps out, “That’s it, Sebastian!  Right there.”  Sebastian smiles and gives him a pat on the thigh and begins to direct his attentions to that spot.

 

He can’t focus on this one area the whole time.  He can tell that from Stefano’s breathing, the way his muscles jerk and twitch, and the way he grimaces when Sebastian spends too much time directly stimulating that place.  But he returns to it often, because when he does Stefano moans and whimpers and presses his hips up against Sebastian’s hand.

 

Stefano is too overcome to give much guidance at the moment, so Sebastian tries a few different techniques, comparing the results of each.  He is feeling bolder now, and everything is slick with lube, and Stefano seems so much more relaxed, so much more confident than he has been.  His cock is hard against his belly, and Sebastian is brave enough to increase the speed and pressure of his strokes.

 

When he thrusts his finger in and out, Stefano’s breathing gets faster, and he pulls his legs up even more, exposing himself so completely to Sebastian, and when Sebastian slows down to rub firmly at that place inside of him, Stefano digs his heels into the mattress and pushes himself against Sebastian’s hand, and the noises he makes are gasps and groans and muffled words that Sebastian can’t quite make out.

 

Sebastian pauses to add more lube, because surely too much lube is better than not enough, and it must be a good decision because Stefano watches him do it with a look of bemused affection on his face.  When he eases his finger back in, everything is nice and slick, and there are quite a few lovely, wet, slightly embarrassing slippery sounds that make both of them laugh a little.

 

He is only a few strokes in when Stefano’s hand starts to slide up and down his own cock, and it sends a white hot jolt of arousal racing through Sebastian to see Stefano’s cock pressing into his hand, to feel Stefano’s body all around his finger, to know that Stefano is as excited as he is.  “I need more,” Stefano gasps the next time he pushes in.

 

“Alright,” Sebastian replies.  “If you don’t think it’ll be too much stretching.”

 

Stefano shakes his head, hand still tight around his cock.  “A little stretching feels nice,” he murmurs, “and I want to be stretched around your cock.”

 

Sebastian’s head swims with lust at that, and on the next thrust, he presses back in with two fingers, dragging them purposefully across that magic spot, so that Stefano arches his back and moans, pressing down onto Sebastian’s hand.

 

“Fuck, you’re beautiful like this,” Sebastian blurts out, because Stefano is beautiful, face flushed and head thrown back against the pillow, not just letting Sebastian pleasure him but taking an active role in his own pleasure.  He works his fingers in and out, pausing every so often to grind them against that place that makes Stefano whine so perfectly.  He’s using more pressure, thrusting his fingers into Stefano with confidence, and Stefano’s hand is moving faster on his cock, and everything is perfect until Stefano says, “Stop.”

 

Sebastian freezes, looking into Stefano’s face for any sign of pain or fear, but there is none.  Stefano is still flushed and panting, pupil dilated and hair askew, and he takes a few more deep breaths before he says, “I am ready Sebastian.”

 

Sebastian draws his fingers out slowly, bringing his hands to Stefano’s thighs to rub up and down them.  “And you want this?” he asks, because even looking at Stefano in the state he is in now, he has to hear it from him.

 

“Yes,” Stefano says without hesitation.  “I have not often had the opportunity to feel desire, to want someone, before they were forced upon me, but I wanted you the first time, and I want you now.”

 

Sebastian nods, trying not to dwell on the life Stefano is talking about, a life in which he was an object to be used and abused by more powerful men, because the Stefano before him is relaxed and by all appearances, very aroused, and asking Sebastian to make love to him.  “Like this?” Sebastian asks, gesturing to their bodies, unsure of what position is best for what they are attempting.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies.  Then, with a mischievous look in his eye, he adds, “Surely I do not have to tell you what to do next.”

 

Sebastian laughs.  “No,” he says, because even he can figure this part out.  “But you’ll tell me if anything’s uncomfortable, right?”

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, one hand tugging at his cock again, which Sebastian takes as a clear indication that he should get on with it.

 

He leans over to the bedside table, opening the drawer to retrieve a condom, and then settles back in between Stefano’s legs.  He has been so focused on pleasuring Stefano, or more accurately, on not hurting Stefano, that his own erection has flagged, but it only takes a few strokes to fix that when Stefano is laid out so beautifully before him, still touching himself and eyeing Sebastian’s cock hungrily.

 

It takes no small amount of effort to tear his eyes away from Stefano, who makes quite an enticing picture, but Sebastian manages to get the condom open and put it on.  He is reaching over Stefano’s hip for the lube when one of Stefano’s hands catches his, and he realizes with some surprise that his own hand is shaking.

 

“Sebastian,” Stefano says, voice as smooth and warm as honey.  “There is no reason to be nervous.  Everything is going to be fine.”  Stefano gives his hand a squeeze, and Sebastian can’t even explain why he is nervous in the first place, but the longer he holds Stefano’s hand, the less he feels nervous and the more he feels excited, and by the time Stefano releases him and he reaches for the lube again, his hand is steady.

 

He liberally coats his own cock first, stifling a groan as the sight of Stefano and the firm pressure of his own hand threaten to overwhelm him.  Then he reaches for Stefano’s cock, and Stefano obligingly moves his hand so that Sebastian can slick him up again as well.  Stefano’s eye closes as Sebastian rubs him up and down, and the sound he makes is almost a purr.  Sebastian is perfectly willing to keep doing this, and he does until Stefano interrupts.

 

“Alright, Sebastian.”  There is a note of warning in his voice, and Sebastian knows he is testing Stefano’s patience a bit, but he gives him one more long, slow stroke before he gets a little more lube on his fingers and brings them back to Stefano’s opening, making absolutely sure that Stefano is fully prepared.  Stefano allows it without comment, and Sebastian moves on so that he doesn’t press his luck any farther when Stefano has made his wishes so clear.

 

He leans forward a little, thought it doesn’t take much since Stefano is practically in his lap already, and takes his cock in hand, bringing the tip to Stefano’s opening to rub lightly against it.  Stefano sighs and Sebastian places his other hand on Stefano’s hip as he continues to rub his cock up and down.  It slides easily through the lube, but there is some part of Sebastian that is still afraid that this is going to be too much for Stefano.  He’s seen him take much larger objects of course, but always under duress, and he doesn’t want this to be like any of those times.

 

“Come here, Sebastian,” Stefano purrs, beckoning him with one finger.  “I want to be one with you.  I want to feel you inside me.”

 

Sebastian groans out loud at that, has to master his own excitement and lust to avoid coming on the spot, because Stefano’s voice is rich and seductive and doing things to his body.  He takes a deep breath and starts to press forward.  Even though the lube makes everything nice and slick, there is resistance at first, but Stefano is smiling up at him with a half-lidded eye and an expression that is so perfectly serene that Sebastian knows everything is alright.

 

He adjusts his angle and pushes a little more, and then the head of his cock is slipping into Stefano’s body.  Stefano’s hand is tightening on the pillow next to his head, his chest rising and falling faster, and his body is gripping Sebastian’s cock so tightly that Sebastian is gasping for breath, squeezing Stefano’s hip and closing his eyes.  He pauses there, both because he needs a moment to collect himself, and because he doesn’t want to go too fast for Stefano, but Stefano’s voice is already in his ear.

 

“Just like that,” he murmurs.  “Keep going.”  Sebastian almost laughs at the idea that Stefano is still polite enough to keep coaching him through all of this when Stefano appears to be so thoroughly overwhelmed himself, but instead he focuses on his body and Stefano’s and moves his hips forward, pressing farther into Stefano in one slick, easy movement.  There is more heat and more pressure, but Stefano’s body is drawing him in, and everything about it feels comfortable and natural.

 

Sebastian eases in slowly until his body is flush to Stefano’s, then leans forward to brace one arm on the bed and bring his other hand Stefano’s face, gently brushing back his hair so that his thumb can trail across his cheek.  “Everything okay?” he asks.

 

“Much better than that,” Stefano says, still sounding a little breathless.  He wraps his arms around Sebastian’s back, tugging him down toward his face. “Kiss me.”

 

Sebastian is more than happy to oblige, and when his lips touch Stefano’s it sends a thrill of excitement from his mouth to the place where their bodies are joined.  He rocks his hips, sending more shockwaves of pleasure running through him, and Stefano moans into his mouth and holds him tighter.  He doesn’t want to break the kiss or Stefano’s embrace, so he keeps his movements subtle, just pulling back a little and then pressing closer, until Stefano makes a noise that is almost a sob.

 

He pulls back quickly then, propping himself up on his arms enough that he can see Stefano’s face, can see his eye shining with unshed tears, and he is opening his mouth to ask what’s wrong and whether they should stop when Stefano speaks.

 

“This…” he chokes out, and Sebastian brings a hand to his face, cradling Stefano’s cheek in his palm.  Stefano turns his face into Sebastian’s hand as he continues.  “This is what I have been missing… what Riker told me I could never have.”  He turns his head again to look up at Sebastian.  “He was so wrong…”  Stefano smiles through his tears.

 

“He was wrong about everything,” Sebastian says, leaning down to capture Stefano’s lips again.  It starts out soft and gentle and sweet, and Sebastian puts all of his feelings for Stefano in it, his care, his concern, his desire, his love, and then Stefano’s hands are everywhere, all up and down his body, and Stefano is kissing him back with an intensity that is almost bruising.

 

“Take me, Sebastian,” he gasps when their lips finally part.  “I want to be yours and yours alone.”

 

Sebastian is slightly taken aback by the way he phrases it, because he doesn’t want to own Stefano- he doesn’t want anyone to own Stefano ever again- but in a way, Stefano is right.  Stefano is his to hold and to love and to please, and Sebastian isn’t going to deny him that after everything they’ve been through to get to this point.

 

He presses his lips to Stefano’s ear.  “You’re mine,” he growls.  “You’re mine for as long as you want to be.”  He kisses and bites his way down Stefano’s neck until Stefano is practically squirming under him, hands clutching at his hips.  Then he props himself up on his arms again, taking in Stefano’s wild eye and wilder hair before he pulls out a little and thrusts back in, the warm, pleasurable friction tearing a moan from his throat.

 

“Yes,” Stefano breathes.  “Please…”  The way he says it, the desperate look on his face, touches something in Sebastian, reminds him that Stefano may have very different expectations for this act than he does.

 

“It’s alright,” he tells Stefano.  “I’m going to make sure you’re taken care of.”  He’s not going to be one of those nameless, faceless men who have taken their pleasure from Stefano and given him nothing in return.

 

He brings his hands to Stefano’s hips and pulls back for another long slow thrust.  Stefano’s hands are clutching at the sheets, and Stefano’s eye is locked with his and he doesn’t even need Stefano to say anything to know that Stefano is asking for more.

 

When he pulls back the next time he slips almost all the way out, and when he thrusts back in Stefano moans and twists the sheets in his hands.  The smooth slide of his cock inside Stefano, the way Stefano’s body grips him, feels amazing, and he thrusts a few more times just to enjoy the way they fit together, the way he can be so completely in tune with another person.

 

He really does want to make sure this is good for Stefano though, so on the next thrust of his hips he starts to experiment with the angle and depth, which earns him a patient smile from Stefano, until suddenly that smile is replaced by a gasp as Stefano presses his head back into the pillow and arches up against Sebastian.

 

Now that Sebastian has some idea what he is aiming for, he makes a point of hitting that spot, rubbing up against it until Stefano is moaning and clenching down around him before he returns to the deep, hard thrusts that make Stefano’s breath catch in his throat and his hands fist in the sheets.

 

He is so focused on Stefano that he doesn’t realize how close to the edge he is getting himself, and he has to take a moment to consciously slow down, to get himself back under control before he starts to move again.

 

Stefano, who is no doubt very skilled at reading his partners, says, “There is no need to stop on my account.  I want to see you come.  I want to feel you come.”

 

“And I want to see you come again,” Sebastian says with a smile, pausing in his thrusts.  “Can I…?”  He gestures to Stefano’s cock, which is lying heavy on his belly, still hard and flushed a deep pink even though it’s been untouched for a few minutes.

 

“Yes,” Stefano replies, though he isn’t meeting Sebastian’s eye now.

 

Sebastian reaches for his cock, trailing his fingers up and down it with a feather-light touch, so that it twitches under his hand.  “What’s wrong?” he asks.

 

“Nothing is wrong,” Stefano says, finally looking up at him.  “I am simply not used to being paid so much… attention.”

 

Sebastian takes his cock fully in hand.  “Well, you’d better get used to it,” he says, a playful tone in his voice, “because I plan on paying you a lot of attention.”

 

Stefano chuckles until Sebastian’s hand starts to slide up and down his cock, and then the chuckle turns into more of a groan.  Sebastian takes up his thrusts again, trying to keep his hand and his hips moving in unison, and soon Stefano is breathing hard and raising his legs to wrap them around Sebastian’s waist.  It’s a simple gesture but one that conveys so much trust that Sebastian falters in his thrusts for a moment, almost overcome by the surge of warmth and affection and the desire to protect Stefano.

 

But Stefano needs something very different from him now, and Sebastian is determined to deliver on that, so he continues to stroke and thrust and watch Stefano’s face.  He’s only seen Stefano come a few times before, so he isn’t entirely sure what he is looking for, but when Stefano closes his eye and throws his head back, he knows they have to be close to something.

 

He’s getting close again himself, and he focuses on that one special place inside Stefano, rubbing up against it until Stefano’s moans are turning into whines, until Stefano’s legs are tightening around him, and even then he doesn’t let up, pressing there over and over again as he strokes and squeezes Stefano’s cock, and in another moment, Stefano is arching up off the bed and gasping his name and coming into his hand again.

 

Stefano looks absolutely blissful as he comes, laid out so beautifully before Sebastian, and the sight of him, the way his body contracts hard around Sebastian’s cock, catches Sebastian by surprise, and his own climax hits him hard.  He buries himself deep inside Stefano one more time as he comes, ears ringing and heart pounding and Stefano’s name on his lips.  There is a surge of warmth, and the tension is pouring out of his body, and he slumps forward to rest his chest on Stefano’s and plant a kiss on his cheek.

 

They’re both sweaty and sticky, and not really in the most comfortable position, but Sebastian still doesn’t move for quite a few minutes.  It feels too pleasant and safe to be so close to Stefano, to still be joined with Stefano, and he doesn’t want to spoil that feeling.  Stefano’s arms are around him, and Stefano is rubbing his back, and there are some more slow, lazy kisses and whispered words of comfort before Sebastian manages to pry himself off of Stefano so that they can both get cleaned up a little bit.

 

Then Sebastian lies down on his back and Stefano settles into his arms, head pillowed on Sebastian’s chest, and they spend a few more blissful minutes lying like that until they agree that it’s time for bed.  Stefano sits up and reaches over to turn off the light but pauses, looking back at Sebastian.

 

“What?” Sebastian asks playfully.  “I’m not that good-looking.”

 

“You are,” Stefano replies, “but also, this is the first time in years that I wish I had a camera in my hands.”

 

Sebastian smiles.  “I think that could be arranged,” he says.  “Tomorrow,” he adds with a yawn.

 

Stefano smiles back and switches off the light.  He drapes himself across Sebastian again, and Sebastian holds him close and presses another kiss to the top of his head before he drifts off to sleep.

 

 

 

 

Sebastian is vaguely aware of Stefano’s arms around him before the first crash of thunder jolts him awake.  He barely has time to react before Stefano’s face is buried in his neck, and Stefano’s body is pressed so tightly to his that it’s as though Stefano is trying to burrow under him.  Sebastian wraps his arms around him, hoping to convey some sense of security, but Stefano is shaking so hard that his teeth are chattering, even on this warm summer night.

 

“Stefano,” he murmurs, holding him closer if that’s even possible at this point.  Then there is a great flash of lightning, and Stefano flinches as though he’s been struck.  Sebastian counts the seconds under his breath, the way he used to do with Lily when the two of them would hide out in her blanket fort and wait for a thunderstorm to pass.  Of course Lily was just alarmed by the loud noises and bright lights; Stefano has real trauma in his past.

 

The next clap of thunder comes when he gets to ‘five’, and he can feel Stefano’s heart racing, can hear his breathing accelerating.  “It’s alright, Stefano,” he whispers, turning to press a kiss to Stefano’s hair.  He feels helpless, powerless, because he can’t make the storm stop, and the storm isn’t really what Stefano is afraid of anyway.  “I’ve got you,” he continues, even though he’s not sure he’s doing any good.  “And I’m never going to let anything happen to you.”

 

There is another flash of lightning, and Sebastian runs his hand up and down Stefano’s back as he counts again.  This time he only gets to ‘four’, and on the next crash of thunder, Stefano jerks in his arms and tries to roll them both over so that Sebastian is on top.  Sebastian follows, resting some of his weight on one forearm to avoid putting too much strain on Stefano’s body.  Instinctively, he pulls the sheet up over their heads.  It’s a little silly, because unlike Lily, Stefano has to know that a sheet isn’t going to protect them, but it seems like the right thing to do anyway.

 

Stefano’s arms are still around him, urging him down onto Stefano’s chest, and he complies, though still not putting his full weight on Stefano.  He can’t see Stefano’s face, partly because of the darkness and partly because it is hidden against his neck, but he can still feel Stefano shaking.

 

“Easy,” Sebastian soothes as Stefano tries again to meld their bodies together.  “I don’t want to hurt you.”

 

“You won’t,” Stefano says.  His voice is muffled since his mouth is pressed against Sebastian’s skin.

 

It’s heartening to hear Stefano speak, because Sebastian had thought he was too terrified to communicate at all.  “What can I do?” Sebastian asks.

 

“Just hold me,” Stefano murmurs, going rigid as an even louder thunder clap echoes through the house.

 

Sebastian turns to kiss Stefano on the cheek before he works his arms under Stefano, which is as much as he can do to hold him without changing their positions.  The way Stefano’s arms are locked around his waist tells him that he’s not going to make any headway trying to get off of Stefano.

 

“You’re alright,” he says.  “I’m here, and I love you, and you’re safe with me.”

 

There is another crash of thunder, and the storm must be passing right over them.  Stefano whimpers and presses harder against him, and Sebastian swears under his breath because Stefano doesn’t need this right now.  Stefano doesn’t deserve this, and why won’t the weather just cooperate and leave them in peace?

 

He might be imagining it, but it seems like the next time the thunder sounds is spaced out a bit more, and he hopes that the storm is moving away, that maybe Stefano will be able to calm down now.  Stefano does seem to have loosened his hold a little, though Sebastian can still feel his heart racing where their chests are pressed together.

 

“It’s okay,” Sebastian soothes.  “I think it’s almost over.”

 

Stefano nods, and Sebastian waits, holding his breath for the next roll of thunder, and when it comes, it is quieter, more distant, and they have to wait even longer for the next one.  Stefano’s breathing is slowing down and finally so is his heartrate.

 

When it becomes apparent that the worst is over, Sebastian shifts off of Stefano to lie beside him, though they are still wrapped in each other’s arms.  The thunder is distant now, and the sound of the rain outside is soothing, and Sebastian pushes the sheet back down so that he can look into Stefano’s face.

 

There is still worry there to be sure, but not the blind panic that must have been there earlier.  Stefano gives him a weak smile, and Sebastian leans in to place a gentle kiss on his forehead, then his cheek, and then his lips.

 

“I am sorry,” Stefano murmurs, his gaze dropping to avoid Sebastian’s eyes.  “I am sure that I seem quite foolish-”

 

“No, not at all,” Sebastian interrupts, gathering Stefano up in his arms again.  His words come out in a rush, because he doesn’t even want to give Stefano a chance to belittle himself.  “I can’t blame you for any of that.  You’ve been through so much, and I’m sure that brings up a lot of feelings, and you never have to worry about expressing those feelings with me.”

 

There is a pause before Stefano speaks again, and this time his tone is a little more playful.  “Speaking of feelings, do you mean what you said a moment ago?”

 

Sebastian has to think for a moment before he realizes what he blurted out when he was trying to comfort Stefano.  “About loving you?  Of course,” he says with conviction.

 

Stefano doesn’t respond, just leans over to kiss him.  His cheek is wet with tears, and after Sebastian has kissed all of them away, they lie in each other’s arms and listen to the rain.  Tomorrow, they will get a camera back into Stefano’s hands and meet up with Joseph and Banks and make their first steps toward taking down Mobius for good, but tonight, they have each other, and that’s more than enough for Sebastian.  The storm is fading away, and even if there is a much bigger one on the horizon, he can face it with Stefano by his side.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> A very heartfelt thank you to everyone who has read and commented! This story has been an amazing journey, and it could not have happened without your support. A huge thanks to [Noctambularis](http://noctambularis.tumblr.com/), who has done some truly exceptional art for this story (linked in the relevant chapters and also available on Tumblr).
> 
> I am currently planning to take a month or two off from posting to get started on a new story. I'm not sure what that will be yet, but expect more Sebastian/Stefano. In the meantime, feel free to visit me on [Tumblr](https://detectivesebcas.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Four of my Sebastian/Stefano Whumptober shorts take place in the Soft Focus universe, so if you haven't already, you may want to check out [Day 4- "No, stop!"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16217597/chapters/37906913), [Day 14- Torture](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16217597/chapters/38099279), [Day 15- Manhandling](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16217597/chapters/38141444#workskin), and [Day 25- Restraints](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16217597/chapters/38389823). They are all from Stefano's perspective and largely involve his life at Slade's and his relationship with Riker.


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